Used Blog 3/11/2021 Too Many Choices, Too Many Voices! Desperate chapter 11

Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe: Chapter 11 - All the Voices that Influence Us

Last night, around 6, I was sitting in a chair by my window up in my second story bedroom. Our home sits up on a hill that is about 7500 feet high, and we look out over tall Colorado pines with the mountains not too far in the distance. As I sat amidst the peace of my darkening room, I looked out on the horizon and across the sky, once again, the Lord had painted the most vibrant sky--luminous, "screaming pink"--(the color of shirts my mother used to love to buy for me!)--seemed to be dancing across the sky for those who would see it! Then fading into hues of orange and finally darkness. I was reminded again how present God is in all of our moments yet wondering how many people in my little town took the time to notice Him and His art. How many times He is there to speak, to comfort, to love, but we are too busy to notice or listen.

I was pondering some of the dilemmas of modern, Christian life---way too many choices and way too many voices. Choices scream at us and block out the simplicity of Christ and His love and His voice.

We live in a time of so many voices that represent so many choices--republican, democrat, independent; theologies--charismatic, reformed, catholic, baptist, emergent church, Bible church; public, private and homeschool; whole book, curriculum, or classical; movies or tv acceptable to watch, those that violate our conscience; dating or courtship; what music is acceptable; universalism or  limited atonement; whole foods or MacDonalds,  soccer or piano lessons; t.v. or no media at all; infiltrate culture or draw back and seclude, spanking or grace-based parenting; and on and on and on.

And then there is the busy-ness associated with getting it all right and reading all the blogs and books and reviews and making all the choices--looking for the right formula, seeking the most profound expert, frenetic that we might make the wrong choice--yet confused in the midst. There is such a pressure to be involved in all that is relevant and the pressures of our modern Christian culture cultivates insecurity and fear and isolation.

Lots of head focus, not so much heart.

So much wrangling over words and so much judgment and pride and finger pointing--what is the right way to believe? So many who are involved in these issues have a heart that desires to find what is best and to do what is right. Who is the right authority?

Such choice overload obscures the simplicity and presence of God.

Satan can use the frantic searching and frenzy to obscure what is essential--loving God and knowing Him. So many I talk to long to be close to Him, but find Him illusive. No wonder there exists so much shallowness in our culture--we are seeking so hard after the answers and to please others

and He wants us to seek Him.

Now don't get me wrong, I am orthodox in my beliefs and trust in Jesus for my salvation and am so very grateful for this. I have a strong foundation of ideals for my home and children.

But the older I get and the more countries I have seen and the more people I have worked with, the more I see that it is the heart--where love and faith and beauty and humility exist where the life of Christ flourishes.

It is in Him and His presence that I find peace that transcends "getting it all right."  I have learned that God is much bigger than I originally thought and that He understands and has compassion for many outside the comfort zone of my own ideals and beliefs and values and that I would be wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak and even slower to judge. His purposes and ways transcend time, history and cultures and I would be wise to focus on Him above all else.

I find rest when I ponder the One who took small children into His arms to bless them; who gently and lovingly washed the disciple's feet, who threw the vibrant colors into the sky for me to enjoy last night. Jesus, came in simplicity--not a man of titles or authority--but the authority that comes from within.

I ponder His messages--admonishing us to give cups of cold water; taking care of our enemies as did the good Samaritan; parenting in such a way as to have the heart of the father looking every day for his prodigal son to return; encouraging us to be like the gentle, humble Mary who chose the "good part"--to sit at his feet and rest in his love and be filled with the life of His words--not being like Martha who was "worried about so many things."

It seems His priorities were for us to be anchored in character and deeds of goodness and kindness--the simplicity of being a good neighbor, giving grace and forgiving as we have been forgiven--making bridges of peace--not walls of separation.

Often, with the media and so many "experts"--(everyone is an expert if given the opportunity to blog!),

I see people laden down with the voices that seek attention in their heads--seems that with all the conflicting messages and so much media in our face, pleasing and finding God can be complicated, confusing and overwhelming and impersonal--more about knowledge than personal in an intimate relationship.

Wouldn't Satan just love for us to be confused and insecure--since God so clearly wants us to be secure and stable in the knowledge of His love, His calling and His grace.

Jesus had great scorn and condemnation for the Pharisees who "tie up heavy loads and lay them on men's shoulders," --those who were so dedicated to defining every jot and tittle of the law.Just this morning, I was reading in Matthew 23:23 where Jesus says to them, "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others. You blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel."

Then I read in John 14 and 15, some of the last chapters recorded of Jesus's personal messages to his disciples. His desire and heart to comfort and encourage his precious disciples is so evident throughout these chapters.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled or let it be fearful."

He comes not to give as the world gives to us--but peace--restful, filling, assuring peace--that keeps us from being troubled or fearful.

The God who told us the most important commandments were to love Him and love others, is the gentle shepherd who will not judge us today if we get all the answers and choices right, but if we abide in Him, love Him, rest in Him and walk in the abundance and security of His love for us and His redeeming love for those needy in our lives who need not just answers and words, but love, forgiveness, healing and peace.

Lord, let me today and every day, abide in you, see you, listen to your voice, follow your wisdom,  rest against you--"not being concerned with things too difficult for me, but composed, like a weaned child rests against his mother, so will my soul be within me." (Psalm 131)

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"Mom, I Don't Think I Believe In God Anymore," and Other Mommy Nightmares

Some of the questions and doubts our children verbalize can bring great fear to our hearts. And yet as a mom of older children, I know that all children have such thoughts and handling them with peace, grace and wisdom (while praying fervently on your knees in private) will bring us to see God's grace as He leads our children. I'm so glad to have my dear, lives-right-around-the-corner friend Deb Weakly sharing with you today! I know you'll love her wise words. ~Sally

It's the stuff nightmares are made of.

"Mom, I don't see anything wrong with getting drunk if you are old enough."

"How do you know there is a God? He sure doesn't seem real to me!"

"How can God possibly be good when he killed all those people in the Bible?"

"If there is a God, why does Dad have cancer?"

"I don't think there is anything wrong with living together and not being married."

 And the list goes on and on...

What do we do when our kids come to us with their doubts, thoughts and questions?

Whatever you do, stay calm and don't blow a gasket!

Christian college chaplains have informed me before that it is a developmentally normal for teens and college-aged kids to wrestle with the questions of their faith. This is how they learn to own their own convictions--but it is a process of growth and may take some time!

I believe that I have even seen this in my own children. My daughter Christie went through a time when she was 16 years old and felt that God spoke to everyone else but not to her. She felt like her quiet times were lifeless and she never heard from God--ever. I remember just praying and praying for God to speak to her and for her to learn how to hear God's voice. She went through an internship the summer of her 16th year where the students and leader went through a Bible study that really clicked with her, and she finally learned how to hear God's voice for herself. And the rest is history. Christie loves God, hears from Him regularly and even writes a blog devoted to helping others understand God better. She has a depth in her soul that would not have been there had she not gone through her time of questioning.

From time to time, even young children can fuss about reading a Bible storybook.  They may even say things like “No Mommy, I don’t like Jesus!!” Our natural tendency when something like this happens is to worry and fret about the possibility of this particular child not growing up to love God. We have to remember--they are children! And children say things they don't mean or understand quite a lot of the time. When your children say things like this, just remind yourself ... children say silly things.

Older children say silly things, too! And sometimes they say scary things. What do we do? Stay calm, pray, and trust God. Whatever happens, "Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" Phillipians 1:27. Don't blow up or freak out!! Don't assume the worst of your kids. Remind your kids that God loves them. Tell them how awesome they are and how much you love their faith. Let your older kids know that their questions are okay because it shows that they are developing their own faith in God. Tell them how thankful you are that they come to you and trust you with their questions. Let them know that you believe in them and the God that is leading them.

I have been in situations where the parents of kids going through questioning times are praying about their child's lack of faith in a negative way--within earshot of their kids. Please, please, please never do that!  Don't ever let your kids think that you believe they are lost- especially your adult kids. God talks a lot in scripture about having faith. I believe we are to have faith in God and in our children. God will never let them go and wants none of them to perish.

Remember the Holy Spirit has access to our children's hearts and minds and will be speaking to them. He will work in ways that we never could ever dream of.

Being confident of this; that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Phillipians 1:6.

God is working. He will never let them go! Pray like crazy and believe in your kids and the plans God has for their life. Remind them often of things that you admire about their faith. If you can't think of anything, ask God. He will help you to know what to say to encourage your kids. Keep the lines of communication open and remember, if they don't come to you, they will most likely go to their friends or culture with their doubts. You want them to come to you and to know that you are always on their side and will always believe in them.

So hang in there, mama! And put the mommy nightmares to rest. You serve a big God, and He is in love with your children and will pursue them all their lives!

  Deb has a passion for discipleship and prayer that reaches around the world. She has led discipleship groups for the last 15 years- focusing on the art of the prayer-filled life as wife, mom and woman of God. Deb is a frequent speaker at women’s groups and has hosted International Leaders in her home with Momheart Ministries. Her favorite ways to spend her time include time with God in the morning on her favorite brown couch, with the fire burning, candles lit, hot tea and Bible in hand, while snuggling with her dog, Haylee; coffee time on Saturday mornings on that same couch with her husband of 22 years, Randy, and visiting with her kids, Christie(19), and Jack (16), while they sip hot tea and coffee. Deb hopes that her couch does not wear out any time soon.

Believe and Support your Children's Dreams! Get involved!

 

Confessions of a Prodigal Son  A New movie to draw families back together--at Home!

"Superman is who I want to be when I grow up! He saved the world from harm and danger! That is what I am going to do!"

And so Nathan dreamed of being a redeemer, a hero, helping and saving those in his own generation.

He has prayed, worked, loved, reached out and been faithful. And so naturally I want to see his faith in God's ability to work come to life through others who believe in the dreams of our children who are willing to take a risk to influence their world for Christ.

"Mom, there are so many lost kids in my generation. They need compassion, they need someone to lead them back home."

The trailer for Confessions of a Prodigal Son

"There are so many who are lost and scarred even just here in Los Angeles, let alone in the rest of the world. I want to write a screen play that will reach thousands of prodigals and their families to give them hope and to find a way back to their families."

And so, Nathan is, by faith following his dreams--and I want to be the cheerleader behind him as he steps out.

Please, will you consider supporting Nathan's work and dream?

Many of you have already joined the team. He is so excited and appreciative of your coming aboard and can't believe that he has raised half in 30 days. If he raises the other support in the next 25 days, producers will get behind this movie and it will become a reality. If he does not reach his goal, all the money will not be charged and will go back to those who joined the team, but the project will come to a standstill. This is the way of kick start for the arts.

Go here for more information on Kick Start!

$5, $10, $25, $50, or $10,000 adds up to reach his goal!:)  Everything helps!

BUT HE NEEDS THE SUPPORT OF OTHER CHRISTIANS WHO WANT TO SEE A CHANGE IN THE KINDS OF MOVIES THAT ARE BEING PRODUCED!

It is common in the arts to bring a group of people together in support of a project so that larger film companies will pick up on a project and make it come to life. Many people that Nathan has been reaching out to in Hollywood have read Nathan's script and have gotten excited about the project, but they want to see Nathan raise his initial artists Kick Starter fully funded in order to see if there is really interest and commitment to a movie like this to be produced in Hollywood. His agent, a producer and a number of influential people are meeting to see if they can bring this project to life--won't you please pray about supporting this great movie?

You can support the film a dollar to several thousand dollars, but mostly movies are funded by many people giving a little bit. And you can also see the gifts that are being given away to those who are willing to commit to this project.

Kick Starter for Confessions of a Prodigal Son and all the information can be found

HERE.

WHY YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SUPPORTING NATHAN'S PROJECT:

1. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CHILDREN GET INVOLVED AND SUPPORT AND PRAY FOR THIS MOVIE AND THEN SHOW IT TO THEM WHEN IT COMES OUT--AND THEN THEY CAN FEEL LIKE THEY WERE ABLE TO BE A PART OF A REAL LIVE STORY OF SOMEONE WHO STEPPED OUT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THEIR WORLD,  AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE INSPIRED TO FOLLOW THEIR DREAMS!

2. OUR FAMILY WENT TO A MOVIE OVER THE HOLIDAYS TOGETHER AND I WAS GREATLY DISAPPOINTED AND DISMAYED AT THE MOVIES THAT WERE BEING ADVERTISED--ESPECIALLY THE ONES FOR CHILDREN. THEY WERE FULL OF VIOLENCE, DARKNESS, EVIL AND SCARY THEMES. 

IF YOU HAVE BEEN DISAPPOINTED, THEN YOU CAN BE A PART OF SUPPORTING CHRISTIANS IN MOVIES THAT WILL HAVE POSITIVE, LIFE-GIVING THEMES THAT BRING HOPE AND RESTORE FAMILIES--SOMETHING YOU CAN BE PROUD OF!

3. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE PART OF GOD'S ANSWERS TO NATHAN'S PRAYERS! :) HE IS PRAYING EVERY DAY FOR GOD TO PROVIDE PEOPLE WHO WILL MAKE THIS MOVIE COME TO LIFE.

IF EVEN A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE MOMS WHO READ THIS BLOG EVERY DAY GAVE AS MUCH AS A COUPLE OF COFFEES WOULD COST THEM, NATHAN WOULD HAVE FULL FUNDING in one day! IT IS THE FAITHFUL FEW WHO ARE THE ONES WHO END UP BRINGING CHANGE TO THE WORLD. 

WON'T YOU PLEASE SHARE THIS POST ON FACEBOOK AND WITH YOUR FRIENDS? I WOULD SO APPRECIATE IT!

Nathan wrote a book while he was attending the New York Film Academy a few years ago, about how God spoke to him to chase after Him instead of the world's voice and to become a wisdom chaser. It is a wonderful book to read aloud and to discuss about the right choices.

Nathan is donating all of the money he receives from those who buy his book to the film project.

You can also support the film by ordering his book, here.

I am praying that he will see this part of his dream come to reality through wonderful mamas like you who understand how important it is to support our children's dreams of being used by God in this world in their lifetime.

And thanks from the bottom of my heart for supporting this spiritually meaningful film. I can't wait to see it come to reality.

Nathan, my very own superman! :) Abundant blessings, my Nate!

When you give, you also have the opportunity for this fun opportunity!

• Pledge $10 or more

  17 backers

  You will get a special mention on the movie website, and the knowledge that you helped a truly moving story come to life

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $25 or more

  10 backers

  All of the above. As well as a call from your choice of one of our lead actors thanking you wholeheartedly for your support!

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $50 or more

  11 backers

  All of the above. Including a signed movie poster (from the stars of the film) for you to put above your mantle reminding you and you future generations, that you helped a truly worthy project come to life!

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

  Ships within the US only

• Pledge $100 or more

  5 backers

  All of the above. Including a your own DVD of the final film to play on repeat in your home.

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

  Ships within the US only

• Pledge $250 or more

  1 backer

  All of the above. Including, a special place on the website where you picture will be featured as one of our VIP supporters.

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $500 or more

  2 backers

  All of the above. Plus you will have a chance to be an extra in the movie (flights not included) Immortalizing you self, on the silver screen!

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $1,000 or more

  1 backer Limited (4 of 5 left)

  All of the above, PLUS, you (or someone of your choice) will have the chance to actually have a role in the movie with real lines, and will be put on IMDB as an actor in the movie.

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $3,000 or more

  0 backers Limited (2 of 2 left)

  All of the above. Puls you will receive a producers credit on IMDB and in the credits of the movie. (Great thing to put on a resume!)

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $5,000 or more

  0 backers Limited (2 of 2 left)

  All of the above. PLUS, Nathan Clarkson the star/writer/producer of the film will do a personal screening for you and your group (church, school, etc...) Complete with a film Q&A session.

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

• Pledge $10,000 or more

  0 backers Limited (2 of 2 left)

  All of the above. Plus you will be treated to lunch with the stars and the producers of the film to a restaurant (in the Los Angeles area) and receive and invitation to the movie premier in Hollywood! As well as our lifetime debt of gratitude!

  Estimated delivery: Aug 2013

Way 2 Mama, Every Day I Heard God's Voice and It Sounded a Lot Like Yours

Mary Cassatt

Way #2 We read the Bible every day and pray to God with an open heart. 

Memory Verse

"All scripture is inspired by God, and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction  in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

II Tim 3: 16-17

Recently, Nathan was talking about his year in New York City when he attended the New York Film Academy. He lived in an apartment in Harlem with two other young men.

"Every day, I would hear God speaking to me through so many scriptures that we had talked about and memorized. They just kept going through my head at different times and always when I needed them. And you know what, Mom? The voice sounded a lot like your voice and I knew I needed to heed the words, because I couldn't imagine breaking your heart! And those words became the prayers of my own heart amidst all the moments of my life in New York, because I knew God would be with me and speak to me and show me wisdom."

When Sarah was giving her talk at the conferences this year, I didn't know what she was going to say, as she is an adult and prepares her own talks. She shared a story that heartened me. Her memory of waking up early in the mornings was  finding me sitting in an overstuffed chair in the living room or a smaller one in my bedroom, reading my Bible.

"I knew her diligence and devotion was what shaped her life and it always made me expect that I could learn and hear from God in my own life,"

Sarah shared as she talked of what personal integrity looked like in reality.

I hardly need to say I was not a perfect mama, and like all mamas, some seasons I was faithful to this standard as it was a habit I had developed and committed to early in my life before I became a mama. And some seasons I just barely made it through with the crises of life coming my way. I found that reading God's word and praying was essential to my ability to keep taking one more step in the direction of my own ideals--the fuel for my strength when life was exhausting. It is a habit I want to help others learn how to develop.

But in a time when there are so many formulas and voices of advice and people are busier than ever, I wanted to write an article that clearly stated--raising godly children is an issue of spending time with them with God on a regular basis. God and His word are what shape hearts and reading the word of God together gives the Holy Spirit a vocabulary in which to speak to our children when we are not there. 

I didn't really know that my kids were paying attention-- I mean, really taking to heart what I was saying and teaching.  Really, it felt so good inside my heart, to know that my own obedience and work at keeping my heart and mind on scripture left a significant mark in the lives of my children.

Most of the time they just looked like normal, sweet kids; squirming, wiggling, chattering, fussing, and being children.

The Need

More voices and messages invade the sound waves of our brains every day than ever before. Living in a melting pot of cultures now where all religions and values and morals drift together in and through the media; where all varieties of moral behavior are validated and find acceptance; where television and film and the internet smudge the clear borders of truth every day, and even promote violent behavior and dark themes--even in cartoons; the call to teach children has never been more important or profoundly necessary.

We must not underestimate the draw or pull these voices will have in our children's lives as they become young adults and begin to make decisions that will determine the outcome of their whole lives.

A real, true, loving, living God is the voice they must hear of--not just platitudes of moral rules--that is not enough to fool any young adult who is looking for love and wants to be liked.

Only real wisdom and scripture will do.

Building Foundations that Cannot be Moved 

We build the foundational belief system and understanding of truth and God's nature and ways, in our children's minds, one day at a time, one brick at a time. For our children to have a strong house of truth invading and speaking to their invisible thoughts, their minds must already be filled with thousands of teachings of scripture so that their brains will have a "go to" place when they are making decisions about their lives.

As so many women have heard from me over the years, "In the absence of Biblical conviction, (when a person does not have a strongly held belief that has informed his commitments), then this person will indeed go the way of culture."

In other words, if a child has not been taught and trained and instructed in the wisdom of God's word and learned to pray to become familiar with His voice, then, the child will grow up to listen to the voices he has invested in the most, and the voices that will appear to make him happy.

A heart that is filled with and informed by Biblical convictions, does not just happen. It shaped intentionally over many years, day by day, circumstance by circumstance and repeated and lived thousands of times.

Advertisers never give up on loudly proclaiming their voices as they sell whatever is most profitable, and so we have to be even more vigilant to keep the voices of God's reason and wisdom going and shaping the minds of our children so that they can be strong in their generation and live to be great thinkers, communicators and shapers of culture in their generation.

It all starts with a mom who is willing to train and disciple her children and to pay the price of commitment, time, and winsomeness and preparation over many years of time.

And, God is waiting to bless us with His peace, love, wisdom, strength and comfort when we make time to go to Him. And our children will need the same from Him in their lifetime--but they will have a pattern of what that looks like because they will have learned it from our home.

And so, we read the Bible ever day in our home and pray with an open heart, and now our children do the same, because it was the very life and inspiration they breathed into their hearts day in and day out.

Do not be hard on yourself, mama. Just start out with 5-10 minutes--that becomes a habit worth following.

“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." 

Deut. 6:4-9

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Used blog 3/4/2021 Personality and Relationships: The Key to Opening Hearts

While sipping tea and savoring a creme brulee, catching up on life and vacationing away from everyone this week, Sarah spoke aloud about the culture of our family.

"Each of us is so different and so complicated in the ways we are motivated in our lives, and yet, somehow, you made us feel that who we were was exactly the person God made us to be to live out our calling and story in this world. Personal affirmation is so very important to one's ability to believe that God will use them to change the world."

How interesting to hear the various memories and comments our children have made as they have reflected on our lives this year, after so much interaction with other moms who questioned them and wanted to know "what it was really like in our home," during the mom conferences.

Seeing the reflection of what is in their hearts could be threatening, but thankfully, they mostly have good memories and warm feelings about how they remember the community of Clarkson clan. I always feared they would remember my mistakes and vulnerable areas, but mostly they remember the love and closeness we all celebrated as the oxygen in our lives that covered over the mountains and valleys of our lives. Somehow, their love covered a multitude of sin.

Focussing on Relationship

Ministry of Motherhood was the book I wrote after studying the life of Christ in relationship to His disciples and I was right in the midst of my children's growing up years. As I pondered Jesus: He loved them, spoke to them, spent morning, noon and night in fellowship with them. He served them by feeding them, by healing their relatives; He modeled to them what true Christianity would be by touching children and giving them His time and blessing them; touching lepers; giving women both moral and immoral His time and affirmation--He showed us how to live through His relationships with the people in his life. In reading scripture it's very obvious that He had a love for them, a compassion for them--not a list of rules on how to be sure you are acting righteously. These the Pharisees provided, not Jesus.

I am so grateful for all I have learned about motherhood from my study of Jesus. I sought to emulate Christ to our children.

He called Peter the rock--You are the man, Peter!

Thomas, a man in whom there was no guile--the just one, perhaps a lawyer personality.

John, the one Jesus loved. Definitely a feeler on Myers Briggs.

Each followed Him, but each had a different personal grid through which they learned to hear His voice and messages.

Even as Jesus treated His disciples differently, understanding the unique personalities God gave to my children, though, was a necessary foundation for reaching their hearts with the reality of Him whom I loved. Their God-given personalities provided the grid through which they would understand truth. To ignore the way they were uniquely made would be to seek to bring light through a lamp that was not plugged in.

Children, beautiful yet unique as snowflakes are always individual--no two alike!

What are some of the personalities and the issues that must be considered? Extroverts need to talk more, have more activities and people in their lives; introverts need more time alone to ponder, create, go into their inner vortex. Some have a larger capacity to work hard, others are more immature and need the grace of time allowed for growth. Some are relational and inspiring and have to talk a lot. Others are ponders and may feel pushed to have to be social.

God has given boys testosterone so that they may defend us--it automatically means they will have a tendency to be louder, more active, well, more boy. A boy should not be disciplined for being "boy".

Some children just really want affirmation and hugs and listening in order to "feel" loved. Others want you to do something with them--to play, to run, to go. Others want sympathy--and to have you understand. Still others, quality time. It differs with each child, just as each of Jesus's disciples were different and related to him differently, according to their values each uniquely held, because of background and personality.

We are to accept and cooperate with our children's God-given personalities because God has a work for them to do in this world according to His design for their lives. As their gifts, so will their calling be. It also means that if we want to be God's instrument to open their hearts, we have to study who they are and reach them according to the personal design of their heart.

And what I have found is that in ministering to my children and learning how to be a great "psychologist," I have also become more astute in ministering to the needs of others, because I have become better at observing needs and personalities.

Children and adults are not cookie-cutter copies of each other who can all be handled the same way--as a matter of fact, if we are handled as robots, we will rebel at impersonal ways of being treated. Human beings are complex and cannot be generalized into formulaic solutions, but long to be loved and valued as they have been made to be. 

Each child (and most adults, for that matter!) long for a mentor who "gets" them--knows and understands them and can reach their heart's passions and dreams. This is part of why the reality of our relationship with God as a real Person who can be known and interacted with, Who has feelings and plans and is so much more than words on a page, is so wonderful.

It does require faith to live in intimacy with the living God. He is wild and wise and loving, and deeply desirous of our personal, passionate love--not our robotic keeping of rules. And so, we must live in the tension of loving the unique design that our Artist creator crafted into the DNA of our children and learning how to build a bridge of our love to their heart, so that we can open up their ability to listen to the messages we live and speak. We are invited into a relationship with the living God, which is a pattern for how we live with our children.

And in reaching out to them as friends and real people with dreams, values, desires, insecurities and passions, we truly open them up to the very God who crafted them that way for His glory.

An Ode to Tired Mamas Revisited: Desperate Chapter 9

 

There once was a sweet mom with children, Who worked day and night just to serve them, She cleaned and she cooked and she taught and she booked, Till she died of exhaustion and left them.

Ok, ok--it's not great poetry, but I did think there should be a short dedication to all the moms who have given and given and given, with nary a one to appreciate them!

I got tickled a while ago. I had written the blog about taking Nathan to dedicate him to the Lord after taking him out to lunch and a hike, and then the little story about taking Joy out for her 13th birthday. A sweet mom who read the blog was probably sending a comment to a friend … but accidentally pushed the reply button and sent her email to me which said, "She makes me tired!" (I have done this before, too, much to my horror--meaning to send a comment to Clay and instead sending it to the person who wrote it! Grace and peace--don't worry!)

We all compare ourselves to others too often and we all come up short on someone's scale. When you compare yourself, it leads only to pride and causes you to criticize others, or you will have envy and think, wrongly, that others are better than you and wish that your life was different. Comparing never accomplishes anything positive in the long run--and thank goodness, God does not judge us by someone else's arbitrary standard. (Though we do have so many voices in our heads telling us otherwise.)

But, I do think this task of "ideal" mothering is such a tiring calling and we all put ourselves under so much pressure to be perfect when we have too many sinful children, no support systems, no breaks, no full time maids, and they all want  to eat and wear reasonably clean clothes every day !  And we are responsible for their character, manners, education and spiritual outcome, sense of well-being and happiness! A lot to ask.

If there is one area of family life that takes the breath out of me, it is housework.

The relentlessness of housework is probably my biggest source of stress. I was never taught how to keep house or how to cook or wash clothes or how to organize, or or or.

The work just happened in my home (and my mom did have outside help!) But I just never took notice.

Clay is naturally organized and is much better at organizing the house than I would ever be. I am great at decorating and building ambiance and loving, but all the things that have to be organized and the details of the fridge, the wash, the bills and the toys and the papers--well, you get the picture--these are just too much for me.

But God gave me my personality and He knows my limitations and isn't biting His nails to see if I am going to be perfect at the task. 

Knowing that He knows my limitations takes a little pressure off. A perfect house, a Martha Stewart standard is not what is expected.

As Joel, my son, once well said when I was in a tizzy over the messy house. "Mom, we will clean the house and it will just get messy again. But when you are sad, we feel guilty, like we have done something wrong. But when you are happy, we feel happy and like we are the greatest family in the world.

So, Mom, lighten up and we will all be ok!"

We moms are giving out at a much faster rate than we are taking in and so depletion and exhaustion are normal.

Add to that, the fact that most of us were never trained. I love the verse in Proverbs that says, "Where there are no oxen, the stalls are clean." I have at least six oxen in my stalls all the time, so my stall is always in different degrees of clean-ness!

So, I will give just a few tips that have helped me. I have learned that my capacity to keep everything going and to create a home that is orderly is much more than I thought. I have learned to work harder and to accomplish more than I ever thought possible. It is like exercising a muscle--eventually you do become stronger. Doing it for so many years over and over again has shown me that I have gotten stronger and more able to do a lot of work.

1. Copy other organized women. I am not natural at this, so I actively take notice of other's systems and articles that give me practical advice.

2. Have at least one time during the week when you do a basic cleaning. (Bathrooms, vacuum, dust, etc.)

3. Daily, put on up-tempo music and pick up the main areas (with your children all helping) for 15 minutes. It makes going into the evening a little easier if the messes are not all over.

4. When possible, simplify--fruit and homemade bread and cheese or nuts for dinner. Simpler and fewer clothes. Boxes or drawers or bags for everything to go back into at nights, routines daily that teach and give expectation to the kids and you what needs to be accomplished as an anchor to the life of the home.

Another essential is to always make sure your children are involved in all of the tasks, starting when they are little. (I started all of my children around 3 to put the silverware in the silverware basket. It helped them to learn sorting and they actually liked it! This is to give them a self-image or sense of it being a "part of their lives" to help and work hard. My kids have learned to do a lot of work, learning one task at a time, and practicing it over and over again. We had a "team" effect in our house--we are all in this together sort of community--it was an expectation and so we didn't have to talk about it daily.

I just want to affirm all of you who are hard on yourselves and want to give up---

You are making a difference in this world! Your work is eternal and extremely important! Your little ones don't know if you are good or efficient at housework, they just want to enjoy that place they live and have a happy mama. 

Don't give up-- ever, ever, ever!

But ...

take a break!--schedule it in--every day, for a one-woman cup of tea or coffee and tell yourself, you are good, you are valued, you are precious and you matter a whole lot! Live only in grace and not overwhelmed-ness--even 15 minutes a day of a self-pep-talk and peace can make the whole day work better. (I see the pep talk as taking every thought captive to the truth about you--He loves you and is with you.) A little mama break is as important as getting all the rest done--because you can do it all with a lighter heart and maybe even exercise joy!

Blessings and blessings, oh dear fellow mama civilizer!

What is your most difficult task in housework? What gets you down the most? How can you make a plan to lessen this stress?

An Invitation to Join Our SOBeR Club!

A couple of years ago, Joy had Sarah and me in stitches one afternoon when we picked her up after a morning spent working at our local MOPS group. She had just been assigned to the two-year-olds, a more challenging group than those she'd worked with previously.There were stories about all sorts of body fluids--specifically one little boy whose mom said he was being potty trained and who had been sent with no diapers--only underwear--and eventually cried, sobbed, screamed twice when he had accidents, and soused his clothes again and again, with Joy to clean it up. Joy was wondering if this was what most moms called "potty training." There were other stories about nose junk, bottom junk. sucking junk; kids sneezing on her, hitting each other, hitting her, screaming--and by the time we picked her up, she was exhausted!

"Did you go through all of this with us?" she asked, incredulous. "How did you make it???"

Told her I'm not really sure how I made it, but somehow muddled through. Also advised her just to be sure not to have ten two-year olds at once!

Life as a woman, mom, and wife can sometimes be gross, stressful, overwhelming, exhausting, boring and demanding on many levels. Sometimes moms feel guilty admitting the variety of feelings they have. Feelings are neutral--they neither define who we are or take away from our righteousness. They are just a reaction to the situation we are in.

I remember so many years when I just obeyed what I was supposed to do without feeling like doing it. Because I loved my children, I made decisions to cultivate what was best for them. Because I was committed to loving Clay (and God) I acted, as a choice of my will, in the best interest of Clay, by faith, not by feelings. As I look back, I am so glad that I learned to put one foot in front of the other, because usually my feelings would follow. I am grateful the Lord kept me going in the right direction by the convictions I held and followed. If I had followed all of my feelings, the results would have been disastrous.

But there are just times in life or parenting or mothering or marriage that seem overwhelming and too depleting to handle. A few years ago, Clay and I decided that when we got to this point, we needed to call a SOBeR Club meeting. It stands for:

Sick

Of

Being

Responsible

SOBeR-Sick Of Being Responsible

There are times that we all just have to take a break! On our sober club nights, we always do something that we want to do that is just for us--sometimes we even ask friends to join us--go to dinner, a movie, a walk in the mountains, take a drive to see the city lights--music blaring, windows down--just cruising and trying to relax. We do something different--go away from the stress, from the kids. We do not talk about any of the problems or money or stress or ministry. We just relax, have fun, get away and lighten up.

With friends or my girls, SOBeR Club nights can include going to some fun cafe, buying something little or fun that I enjoy. Joy prepared a small package with a Warm Vanilla Sugar candle, lotion and perfume for me this week on the day of our meeting! Sarah bought me a piece of dark chocolate with almonds and suggested going somewhere for a massage, by stealing a few dollars from our little drawer where we put away dollar bills each month to have on "rainy"  days.

The principle is similar to that of the Sabbath. Get away from the responsibilities. Go to a park when your kids are driving you nuts. Stop having school and go do something fun. Take a nap. Watch a movie instead of doing one more chore, buy some flowers when it is snowing for ten days straight--just shake things up a little. Life is still there tomorrow after the SOBeR club meeting, and after we've all blown off a little steam, we can then can face the responsibilities with a little bit fresher outlook.

SOBeR club met today after the flurry of the conferences. Tomorrow I will get back to responsibility--but tonight I am just going to go to sleep and snuggle up in my covers.

...

 If you could use a little encouragement  and even some practical help in motherhood, you might just like Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. Find it here!

Give Them an Inch and You May Walk a Mile ... Together

Why, hello! I'm Sally's assistant, Misty Krasawski, and I'm thrilled to be sharing with you here today, as Sally is taking a little R&R time away in Asheville with Sarah this week. 

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered." ~Prov. 11:24-25

It had been a very long day, one full of the usual cooking and cleaning up messes, trying to keep up with writing obligations and phone calls, and too many worries were clogging my mind. Unfortunately I'd probably spent a little more time engaged in my "work" than in play, and the children had noticed.

A plaintive voice came from around the corner. "Mom!"

I tried to put him off. "Not now, I'm busy!" I said, returning to the stubborn gunk stuck to my kitchen floor.

"MOM~ I need you!!!"

Giving up, I tossed the rag I was using aside, swallowed a sigh of exasperation, plunked the bowl of soapy water I'd been slaving over onto the counter, and stomped a bit as I reluctantly turned from my work to follow him to the next room, wondering what he could possibly want this time.

"I got this for you," he said, offering a grubby fist gripping tightly onto the now-bent neck of a flower pulled from our walkway.

Instantly, my heart was struck. Here I was being frustrated with a child whose only intention was to bless. I got down on the floor and hugged him tight. "Oh, buddy! Thank you! I love that!" Putting him on my knee, I threw a quick prayer heavenward ... Forgive me, Lord. Forgive me for seeing only the mess stuck to the floor in front of me, and missing the beauty running around on two legs in the front yard. 

And then I wondered ...

How many times have I done that?

Don't you love those old-fashioned church signs, which give wonderful advice like, "Don't make Me come down there!" or this, my personal favorite, especially in the middle of a roasting Florida summer: "Think it's hot here?" There was one in our neighborhood last year which said, "Give the devil an inch and he'll want to be your ruler." So many great thoughts could be pulled out of that one. It comes from a saying, though, that I sometimes think subconsciously rules my reactions to my children: Give him an inch and he'll take a mile.

The truth is, I'm selfish. Though I'm an intentional person by nature and want to please the Lord; though I truly love my children and enjoy just being with them, still there is more of me left in me than I'd like to admit.

Motherhood takes a lot out of us. Day in and day out there are people in need and want, demands constantly being made, things that never seem to get crossed off the to-do list! Sometimes I withhold my *self* because I just don't want to give up any more of me. Times when I just cannot look into one more pair of eyes because my soul feels shrunken and there's just not enough in there to pour out one more drop.

Being in the midst of a move has meant many, many of those days piled up right on top of one another. Wiping down a dusty bookshelf this afternoon, I said to the Lord, "I cannot do this anymore. I'm drained and too tired. I cannot keep being nice and working so hard, I just can't."

You know what I heard Him say? "Okay. But look ... see? You are doing it. You know why? Because it's never you, anyway. It's always, always Me; and it's Me now and it will be Me tomorrow and the day after that. You can do it, because My spirit is in you. The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead will quicken your body and you will find yourself able, day after day."

He promises strength to the weary, to bear us up in His arms, and I hear tell there are even green pastures out there. We don't have to keep our hearts covered up, hidden away from our spouses and children lest they ask for more than we can give. The funny thing is, the more I withhold, the more incessant the demands become. The more I pour out before it's requested, the more satisfied and peaceful my children are. Spending time with little ones early in the day affords chances to work with older ones as the afternoon works its way around. An impromptu date with a teenager curbs frustration and rebellion over little issues because they already know I love them and have their backs and don't feel I'm just the lady with the rulebook.

Needs met are tucked away satisfied, while needs ignored only grow in their intensity and demand.

Parenting is one area where giving an inch prevents the mile from being taken. Or perhaps it allows us to walk the miles together. We will find the proverb true when it comes to our time and effort as mamas ...

"One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered."

~Prov. 11:24-25

May we all give freely today!

 Misty Krasawski is wife to Rob, mama to eight wonderful blessings and a very grateful daughter of the King. She loves to bake, garden, eat chocolate, read, and make things pretty. She spends most of her online time as assistant to Sally Clarkson and part of the MomHeart Online team, but can also sometimes be found at her blog, Encouraging Beautiful Motherhood.

Also, don't miss Angela Perritt's article today at MomHeart Online, reminding us to speak words that water souls! 

...

"Often times I come away from a book on mothering feeling worse than I did before. Most authors present one way of doing things and the book makes the author look like supermom and that, we too, can be supermom if we just follow their plan. Desperate is the complete opposite - it shows us how all mothers struggle and helps us climb out of the suffocating trenches of mommyhood." -Amazon review

If you could use a little encouragement  and even some practical help, you might just like Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. Find it here, and then head on over to the book club today as Sarah Mae is discussing Chapter 8 - Escaping!

Modeling Every Day what you want your children to become! Mentoring Monday

My lovely, beautiful of heart, gentle and very powerful, Sarah--first born.

(FIND HER AT: http://www.thoroughlyalive.com/)

Modeling: One serving as an example to be imitated or compared, an ideal to be copied

"A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher."

Luke 6:40

 Scripture tells us the the disciple becomes like his teacher. So, the teacher must be and live out what he wants his pupil to know and be. What you are in your home is what you are.

Often times when people hear that Clay and I were grace-based in our discipline philosophy, they automatically assume that we didn't require much from our children.

Yet, just the opposite was true. We are both idealists and hold the highest of standards. We wrote the 24 Family Ways because we wanted our children to have a pattern of excellence, a foundation of what was true, truths to pattern their lives after.

Even as a piano student must practice scales in order to begin the process of becoming a concert pianist, so a child must practice and memorize truth and obeying truth in life before the child is ready to move into leadership on a big scale.

I wanted my children to understand that loving God was grounded in loving His word, listening to His voice, thanking and acknowledging Him daily, obeying His standards, being  holy--set apart for Him, required that I lived this out to the best of my ability every day, all the time.

I wanted to pass on a model of a holy life, one dedicated truly to God's standards and values for me, one set aside for His purposes.

Immorality is ramant in this world and is destroying children, families, heritages and potential of vibrant, holy, righteous adults.

If we want our children to obey us and to choose to be disciplined and excellent, then we cannot practice compromise, laziness in work or spiritual issues and expect them to obey.

But ,this life is not passed on my giving the right rules or having them memorize the right verses.

The life of God in a person is lived out each moment, by watching a company of adults and family and friends live a holy, excellent, disciplined life before them. It is also given in the oxygen of love breathed and sprinkled at each turn, worship modeled by noticing a sunset or song admired when a child performs it, a servant's heart evident through a mama through the beauty cultivated by a meal well-cooked, a rose in a vase, a warm blanky wrapped around a tiny cold body, --all of this work, diligently pursued, work daily wrought for the glory of the creator.

Authentic, devoted, purposeful relationship is the conduit through which faith is passed on to another.

Modeling is not something that can be passed on by keeping a rule or memorizing scripture. Modeling and influencing another in godliness is only effective if it is authentic, real and lived out in the teacher who is in authority.

But I had a model who helped me know just how to be authentic--Jesus.

Pondering Him, copying Him, loving Him, living His ways gave me the confidence to know that what I followed would bring blessing in the lives of my children, because modeling myself after the best teacher was what I passed on to my own precious ones.

I could not be perfect, but I could be passionate about my love for Him, and grow in maturity, righteousness and character in front of my children, showing them how to discipline their own lives for finding maturity and growth.

It was deeply fulfilling for me to be with Sarah Mae and to hear her own evaluation of my sweet first born daughter and what she now observed in her soul, after watching her speak at the Dallas conference.

"Sarah is such a great speaker. She speaks with such eloquence and depth. She is so poised and lovely. She is such a model for what I would love to be."

How fun that the two Sarah's in my life should admire each other. They have built relationship by being together several times, so now they are getting to understand each other as friends.

But seeing Sarah Clarkson, was like seeing the philosophy I lived out in my home. Sarah Clarkson was now the book of m life that Sarah Mae was reading.

How to do this?

I loved God in front of my children every day, with all of my heart. I may have waffled in other areas, but I wanted this to be the best thing about me--to love engaging in His word, to depend on Him, seeking to obey Him, to talk about His truth, to hear His voice, to choose to believe, and to live in that faith.--

because I knew that it was what my children most needed--a model of what it really looked like to know and love and serve Him.

So, today, I give you my sweet Sarah, and I know your life and soul will be greatly encouraged by her own words--her own life now of loving God, and letting Him speak truth and beauty and reality in her life.

PLEASE KEEP READING. THIS POST WILL ENLARGE AND VALIDATE YOUR OWN LIFE AND YOU WILL BE SO GLAD YOU TOOK THE TIME--and even encourage you to find where strength and wisdom can be found!

Favored by Sarah Clarkson

Last week, on a dim, freezing morning with snow in a billow out the window, I read Mary’s Magnificat.

I’ve spoken about Mary lately in the talk I give at the conferences – the way she entered into becoming chosen because of the way she perceived and entered into the story of God. The Magnificat is her own lyrical commentary on that story and I’ve studied it before; when I wrote on Mary for my book, I became aware that her song is woven of Psalm, prophecy, and history. Every line in it alludes to another portion of Scripture, a story already told, a Psalm already sung. In order to have made such a song, Mary must have spent her young lifetime immersed in the words and story of Yahweh. She must have listened long and pondered deeply, for when she opened her mouth in praise she consciously joined herself to an ongoing chorus that had its beginning centuries before. The Magnificat is remarkable for its display of Mary’s spiritual knowledge and insight.

But as I read her mighty song on my cold morning, I was startled to realize that it is also remarkable for its individuality. It is a surprisingly personal song, framed in personal pronouns. Mary is singing the story of the world’s salvation, but she doesn’t see herself as subsumed in the plot. She still says “me.”  She doesn’t sing merely of the general blessedness of God’s people, she sings of the honor that God’s choice brings her personally. All generations will call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me. Over and above God’s plan to redeem, she knows she has been personally honored, hand-chosen and in addition to being saved from her sins, she will be famous for her blessedness throughout the ages.

My heart thumped an extra beat as I finished. Something in me that fears presumption found Mary’s proclamations bold. Is personal triumph allowed to bondservants? Isn’t that a bit impertinent?

I went about my day, my questions unresolved. Soon, in fact, I forgot them. I wrestled my car through snow and slush on countless day-before-conference errands and pulled into the last parking lot of the day exhausted, just as my phone rang. The call was one answering my inquiry into a possibility for my future that had greatly excited me the week before. There were some obstacles to be ironed out before the way was clear, but I had every hope and indication that the person on the other end of that phone could help. Until we actually spoke.

My ear was filled for the next thirty minutes with a calm voice that informed me in terms of technical accuracy and tones of professional cordiality that there was absolutely no possibility for me. I could try, I was informed, but the ceaseless, steady waterfall of information poured into my ear seemed designed to convince me that the effort would be wasted and I would be a fool to begin.

I held my own until I hung up the phone. Then I sat in the cold, colorless silence of my car and felt myself shrinking, reduced to the size of the viewpoint of the person with whom I had just talked. I was chilled. And strangely, almost afraid, reminded as I have been many times in the past years, that in a world that measures worth in money, power, and signed papers, I have very little pull. The bleakness of it seemed to make me smaller in my seat as my hope, temporarily, failed.

But not two minutes had passed before Mary and her bold song reached into my memory from the morning. For He has regard for the humble state of his bondslave… The Mighty One has done great things for me, holy is his name!… All generations will call me blessed… Sitting there, I realized, in a keen way that I never have before, that I am the humble and the lowly. I am the hungry and powerless. I’m not rich or mighty, I do not sit on a throne and in the world’s eyes, I have nothing.

But I am also the blessed. For I, like Mary, am the bondslave of the living God. Imperfect, yes. Frail, oh yes. But wholly given to the call and identity of one whose story is in God’s keeping and part of his cosmic telling of redemption. I forgot it for that first moment after the call. I listened to a voice whose narration told away my confidence and hope. But the hope came back with the memory that as God’s servant I live, not in my own power, not by my own wits and credentials, but by the love, and grace, and very personal favor of God. And the Mighty One can do great things for me as I live out his story.

As I shivered in my car seat with a snow day sunset glooming on the horizon, I realized that those who choose the identity and work of a bondservant to God can claim and request the acts of God in a very personal way. God’s chosen ones are not faceless nonentities who work as holy robots to fulfill his plans. They are living, breathing, deeply emotional human souls in needy bodies who offer the whole of their selfhood to God. Mary knew this, so she also knew that when God tells the big story of salvation forward, the smaller tale of individual human hearts goes forward too. We are known. Our needs are known. And somehow, as God rights the broken story of the world, he makes our own tiny story a blessed one too.

When the Holy Spirit overshadowed Mary, redemption began with the baby Jesus, yes. Big story. But part of that meant that Mary was honored for all time. Smaller story, but for her, the triumph of a lifetime. Jesus’ coming was the world’s salvation. And God’s choice of Mary to be the vessel was the honor of a young girl’s diligent engagement with the story of God. God so loved the world, but Mary loved God in the small way she knew, and he honored that love even as he brought redemption to the earth. To triumph in the mighty acts of God, to find a personal favor tucked within the great gifts he offers the world is what it means to be a bondservant to a God whose knit us together in our mother’s wombs.

So I will not fear. I am the servant of the Lord and the Mighty One will do great things for me. I don’t yet know what that means. I don’t know if the opporunity I was hoping for will open up or not. But God’s story is my story and mine is God’s, and he tells the both of them well. My one humble, hoping little human heart will not be lost in the crush of a greater tale. For he has regard for the humble. And one day, with Mary, I will be able to tell just how he lifted the world up, and me along with it. Favor indeed.

My Sarah, it has been a great honor to be your teacher and to now be mentored by you! Mama

FIND ALL OF SARAH'S WONDERFUL, SOUL-FILLING ARTICLES AT: THOROUGHLYALIVE.COM

So, what are you modeling in front of your children? How are they becoming like you, their teacher?

And don't miss Kat Lee's wonderful article at MomHeart Online, as she talks about the Power of Purposeful Motherhood!

Battling Depression, Part Three: Writing Your Own Story Well

Frans Von Mieris

This is the final post in this series on battling depression. You can find Part One here and Part Two here.

One of the beautiful arts of a godly woman is to write her own story of life well, intentionally and with skill,  in the midst of the one she has been given. But to write well a tale that will endure and inspire, requires a committed heart, a devoted heart of faith, and the will to endure and work hard to live with choices that will renew hope and bring life. It is God's desire to support us in our story, but we must desire from our hearts to embrace His ability to enter into our stories to make them great.

How will your life write and tell of God's faithfulness? How will you bring beauty out of chaos;  integrity and faith to difficulty and testing, love to a loveless situation; hope and light to darkness? We have such great capacity to redeem our stories and to give our children a memory of how we used the strength of God and hard work and a commitment to love to bring about life and to change the ending of the story we have been given. I have seen so many women exercise their intelligence, wisdom and skill to create a story of life that brings hope and gives value. It is natural to give in to despair, it is supernatural to mount up over your story with the life and grace the Holy Spirit wants to provide through you. Heroines are made by being brave in difficulty, when giving up or being fearful would have been the natural response. But to mount up requires a will--a will that says, I will refuse to be overcome; I will trust God, battle for His ways, and work to make my story one of meaning, nobility and goodness. Because I have Him, all things become possible.

5. Read, read, read. C.S. Lewis said that we read to know we are not alone. My favorite authors became my friends. Inspiration of other women and men, who had made a difference fueled my soul with courage in my own dark places. Just reading about their lives and stories fed my soul and showed me how to live my life. In the absence of having older women or grandmas in my life, the books and biographies I read aloud to the kids and myself  became my friends and fellowship--especially throughout the 17 moves. I needed a friend, so my books became my friends and fellowship and shaped my life.

6.Organize relationships in life so that you can be blessed. I have had to start many groups and Bible studies and kids' groups in my home. But when we initiate or organize a way for friends to meet, we find that we are blessed in the midst of it. I have started book clubs (where you read a book and then get together for dinner and discuss it); once a month dinners for several families, prayer groups for myself with a few close friends; taking turns to host all the families at a home; started Bible studies for the girls and their moms and the boys and their dads (Clay did that); tea parties, picnics, meet-at-the-park days, Christmas parties and so on.

Some of these attempts fizzle, but some end up blessing me and our children.We had a spontaneous meal with a friend the other night and we all had so much fun and felt so loved in the midst, and I just ran into her at the grocery store. It was worth the trouble to get together.  Often when we are so busy, we don't take time for things like this and eventually we become lonely.

Often just reaching out to others or opening my home, brings more friends my way and in the long term meets my needs. I also plan things I know I will enjoy into my schedule--Saturday morning breakfasts downtown with Sarah and a long walk by all the old mansions, hot chocolate with Joy; breakfasts with my boys, alone dinners at home with Clay when I feel like I miss him--I send the others out for a trip to a book store/coffee shop and I light candles and have a simpler dinner all alone--without anyone bothering our conversation.

I also save each year for travel by putting away 10-15 dollars a month--because for me to get away from home and dishes and internet and phone calls is always a great break and rest for my ADHD, restless soul--and of course I keep chocolate hidden to have as a treat on a needed day and always have tea in a real china cup with candles lit and civility--even if just for 15 minutes. When I organize life with delight, I often find I end up with a happier soul and fun and make friends in the midst. All the leaders I have ever known have said that they always have to initiate more to people and people don't always reciprocate, but I would rather have the opportunity to have friends and fellowship, even if I have to do the work, than to always be by myself.

Most of all, though, I remember, intentionally, over and over again, that God, my precious Father, loves me and wants me to experience His joy. I have resolved to look for His love and to receive His love by faith, even when I don't feel like it. He dearly loves each one of you precious moms, too,  and wants to lead you away from darkness or sadness and move you to joy and peace.

So, may His warm hand grasp yours in the midst of your darkness and may He lead you to a way to light a candle in the darkness so that you can see His face and be assured of His tender companionship in the midst of it all.

How different history will be when people choose to believe God right where they are, and who act in faith to build, renew, restore and to choose faithfulness in difficult relationships.

God is with you, who can be against you? May He lead you to become His warrior and to see Him fight your battles and to make all things new. God causes all things to work together for His good and He is suiting you and preparing you for heaven.

May your story give you a platform, an arena, in which you may find and spread God's light and may the ending of the story you write for your children and children's children give hope and reflect the faith in a God who redeems and loves beyond reason. Be blessed today.