Giving up the control of your children to God's Able Hands

Two years ago, when Joy was starting classes at Pike's Peak Community College.

This week, Joy is home from college, and I am going to enjoy every minute that she is home, so I will pick up Mentoring Monday, 24 ways next Monday. I will spend this week being a mama.

Having Joy home is such a grace to me as my children are truly my best friends. But one thing I have been thinking about as I have talked to her and to Joel and Sarah in the past weeks and even to Nathan, is how little "control" we have over our children. I am so blessed to be close to our children and love who they are.

But, I have been pondering a few things I wish I had known more about as a younger mom.

It is easy to develop ideals as a young mom about how your children's  lives will look when he become older--their friends, college, meeting a mate, having good health, or Christian friends who share their values, or flourishing in their jobs, that they will live where you do or attend the church you attend--whatever your dream or ideal might be. But these expectations are often disappointed when our children enter their adult worlds if they have not been founded on Biblical perspective of this world, an understanding of this being the temporary place.

"Lay up your treasures in heaven" must be a grid through which we look at life as we lead our children day by day.

We can, in a sense control some of the external circumstances of our young children by directing their schedules, making choices for them, but ultimately, they will all have to grow up and stand on their own two feet. And they must learn to develop their own "muscle" and learn to walk their own walk of faith with God if they are ever going to be strong. We cannot do that for them.

But, this generation of young adults, (of which some of you are!),  is facing very serious moral dilemmas, leadership crisis of every kind, a humanist world view, break up of the family, economic problems and more. And so I have learned, and so have all of the other friends I have who have adult children, that we cannot control the world that our young adult children will inherit. So we must do our best to prepare them to know how to manage their lives in the world they will be entering.

Life will never be "fair" to us, in this fallen world. This is so important for children to understand. If we do not prepare our children with appropriate expectations of what the world will hold, it is like sending a private into a major battle without training, experience, reinforcements, and confidence or a plan. Teaching our children to be spiritually strong is not about having them keep the right rules. A living, active relationship with God, themselves, is our goal. We will be sending our children out into the world as sheep to wolves, unless we train them in their character and in their expectations along the way, so that the "world" will not be a surprise.

Moms who are helicopter parents--who hover over their children, make all of the decisions for their children, protect their children from hurt, meet all of their children's needs so as to create "entitlement" for their children are preparing them for a disastrous future. If they are going to be "generals" in this battle of life, they must go through life training to prepare them to be able to stand strong--and to know what to expect from the enemy.

This world a place of battle for souls, for ideals, for faith, for stability. It seems that there is compromise in the lives of believers at every point. All of my adult children have been confronted with myriads of very serious problems and choices at each step of the way and the loneliness that comes from living a life of ideals and faith in a generation of young adults who do not value their ideals.

So, what can a mom do? I think one of the most important roles of a mom, is to start out giving her children to God and then praying seriously, intentionally for her children--an understanding that apart from Him, and His intervention and grace, our children have no hope and no formula is ever going to be perfect enough to insure their insulation from a very difficult world.

Then loving God with as much integrity and intentionality in front of them, so that our children will learn a life of faith from us and want to love the God that we love.

Because when our children face these very challenging places, they will need to have the means of finding wisdom from the Word of God for themselves, because we have given them this habit by practicing it in our own lives. And then teaching them how to walk with God on their own, so they can  pour out their hearts and souls for themselves so that God can guide them and speak to the issues of their lives.

But there is one more central issue for passing on a strong foundation. We must teach them to live for God's kingdom and for eternity. Trying to build a kingdom in this world is vain, and if we pass on worldly values to our children, they may never find what they are looking for, as this world will not ultimately satisfy.

No one person will ever be able to fill all their needs or make them happy. (The world's picture of a romantic life.)  And no amount of "things" or status will satisfy their souls. So, we must help them to understand that "He who loses his life," for the sake of the gospel is the only one who will "gain his life" and see how their lives can make sense in this fallen world.

To live for the kingdom gives hope that somehow, even in this broken place with broken people, our lives can have meaning in light of eternity.  This is a secret for helping our children to flourish in their lives amidst all of the challenges they will face--to give them a heart that understands eternal consequences, and to live their lives writing a story that will follow them into heaven for all of time.

And finally, a mom is called to intercede for her children, champion her children and give courage and love and hope and strength each step of the way, because I believe that us mamas are to be the companions of spiritual strength and hope our children need. We are to help our children keep loving God, by loving them and giving to their souls, bodies and emotional needs, as long and as much as we can, so that they will never have to feel alone or unchampioned in this life. A mama's responsibility is never over till she goes to see Jesus herself.

And so, we give up the notion that we will ever be in control of our children's lives, but we hold fast to the understanding that we are God's servants of grace to them as long as we live. And that is why He thought moms were such a good idea when he made the first woman and called her the mother of all the living.

Weeping is but for the night, but joy comes in the morning

Earth, teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring.

William Alexander

Just when all appears to be dead or dying, daffodils pop up, as if out of nowhere, to proclaim, there just may be surprise and life ahead.

The Unstoppable Power of Returning Spring

God masterfully transcribed lessons and insights of life into the very warp and woof of His creation. Spring, summer, winter and fall cast the pulse of life as we experience it.

A time to bloom, to grow full blown, to harvest and then all dies, for a season. Until the cycle of life starts over again. But winter will not have the last word.

And so there are winters in our lives--times when it appears that everything is dead or dying. Cold, stormy weather beats at the windows of our hearts as well as the window pains of our rooms. As Jesus said, there will be times when the storms will burst against our house.

During this darkness of cold, there is a deepening of roots that will allow new and better growth, a putting off of the old leaves and wilted fruit to make way for the new. It is in the darkest of nights that wisdom is learned, perspective is given, humility clothes our soul.

Though in the middle of the night, as in the middle of winter, gloom flows over and the fog of despair rains hard on our hearts. However, this is not the end of our story.

His going forth is as certain as the dawn, and He will come to us like the spring rain watering the earth.

Hosea 6:8

Yet, even as the sun rises every day after the dark of night, so spring comes every year after the gloom of winter, when even though all appears to be dead, all the powers of the world, all the strength of darkness, cannot hold spring back.

The power of returning spring is unstoppable,

as though God's song refuses to be quieted.

It is a force so strong that it defies all other forces and life will indeed show its glory, its beauty  and strength, again.

Every year, when the darkness seems the longest, daffodils spring up first, even in what appears to be the dead of winter, as though ringing out the bells of the glory of the Life. Blooming "with all of their heart", they proclaim, hope is coming, light is on its way!

A picture of resurrection life. Though all hope had been lost, and Jesus was brutally killed, wounded beyond recognition. Those who appeared as the teachers were instead false prophets, seeking to  grab for themselves,  in their love for power, ultimate authority, and consequently killed the very one who created them.

Tears, sadness, soul-black despondency filled those who had attached their very spirits to His being. Hope disappeared as the sun in a cloud.

But, like the power of returning spring, the grave could not hold Him. Death was gloriously defeated.

And so the morning dawned, bright and sure, and our Lord defied all that was broken, all that was unjust, all that crushed each heart in this fallen place. Our Jesus brought back the life, that in our wildest dreams, we could only hope against hope, would be true.

Spring reminds us that our hope is sure. His life conquers all death. His love heals every wound. And in heaven as on earth, our hope is sure--darkness will not have the last word.

"I am the way, the truth and the life."

Nothing can stop the power of His redemption and love.

Let your heart be encouraged today,

He is risen, He is risen indeed.

And like spring, no power or force of man, or designs of the dark one, can hold back His resurrection life,

orHis will, where He will indeed make all things new.

No more Guilty Mamas! Learning to "kick" the dark voices

Guilty No More!

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.  He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

II Corinthians 3:5-6

The dark shadows played upon the window of my bedroom, as the sun set over the mountains. The darkness seemed to match my mood. I remember this day clearly because I felt trapped and wondered if I would truly make it through the rest of the years of my children being at home.One more move, teens in the house and a little girl who wanted to play with her beany babies, and a hormonal middle-aged mama who was worn to the bone, made for catastrophe.

There were many such days through the journey of motherhood and the fingers pointed at my heart accused me of the inadequacies and failures in my life.

Today, I am writing all the sweet mamas who are in this place and feel alone—as though they are alone in their feelings of guilt.

A sweet mama wrote me a facebook message recently and said she often felt guilty when she read my posts. I totally understand! We all have regrets and can feel like, "I wish I had known more!" But, most of us were not trained to be good mamas and had very few good models to follow, so often we muddle the best we can.

The reason I write this blog is to hopefully give some encouragement that I longed for when I was mothering my now adult children. I have learned a lot over the last 59 years and if any of what I share can be of help, please let it encourage you--we can all move forward from where we are--with great hope, because of Him. So, I give you a part of my heart and how I have kept from staying in the mire of guilt and disappointment with myself over the years.

Do you ever hate reading articles where the writer always seems positive and Pollyannish? (Why? Because it doesn’t seem to match the reality of your own life and experience and it feels saccharine and unreal?)

Do you feel guilty for yelling and becoming angry at your children too often?

Are you regularly immature in front of your children? In marriage, do you become easily frustrated and can’t resist fighting with your spouse that you know you should love?

Do you ever wonder if there is any turning back? If you have been such a failure that it will be impossible to redeem your situation or child or marriage?

Does sadness fill your soul because of a prodigal or rebellious, angry child and you think it was all your fault?

DON’T STAY THERE! MOVE ON!

Perhaps this sounds pretty absurd—and heartless. Yet, I have seen that my  dwelling in self-pity and living in condemnation is an endless downward spiral. God does not want me to have a dark soul—only Satan does. (He accuses the brethren before the Father day and night!)

Everyone you know sins and falls short on a regular basis. (All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God!

All of these needed Him and what He died to give—redemption and restoration.

Heroes are those people who feel the same stress, fear, anxiety that everyone else feels in a terrible situation. But they do something about it—they act in a forward direction and do something to save the day.

So, you can be a hero—you are still writing your story—Yet you have to choose to live in forgiveness. Your story cannot have a good ending unless you decide to celebrate life right where you are and give your guilt, inadequacy, condemnation and then live in the freedom that He wants you to have.

All of us are broken and unworthy. We might express our weakness and sin in different ways, but we are all pretty petty, selfish and dark in our inner hearts. No matter how diligently we try to be perfect and especially to fool people into thinking we have our act together more than others, God knows. (And if anyone pretends to be righteous, they are fooling themselves and God—“

If we say we have no sin, we are liars and his word is not in us.” I john 1:10

IIn the same way we would not expect a toddler to live a life without making messes, crying, throwing a few fits, so God is not surprised at our incredible potential for messing up. In comparison to His holiness and perfection, we are mere toddlers—if that. “He is mindful that we are but dust.” Psalm 103

Guilt squeezes the spirit of life out of our souls! Guilt is destructive—and if he says you are not guilty, then for you to refuse His forgiveness and patience and grace is in Biblical terms—sin! To not live in His grace is sin.

(Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. Hebrews 3:12)

There was some point in which I knew I could not live in a constant state of guilt or self-condemnation. The more I read scripture, the more I understood that Jesus did not intend for me to live in that place, and moreover, it is a place of destruction.

A mama who lives in condemnation, guilt and a state of inadequacy is negative, depressed, harsh and down so often that it also becomes a drag on her children.

Somewhere along the way, I decided to put the load of guilt of all the ways I had failed into the file drawers of heaven and I marked forgiven over them. And now, often, when voices accuse me of once more blowing it, I just pray and re-give my state of guilt to Jesus and seek to stay alive in the freedom that He has provided.

These are some of the verses that helped me:

He separates our sin in our lives as far as the east is from the west.Psalm 103

There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, for the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1

It was for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

All of these verses and so many more, spoke to me of the heart Jesus had for us to know His love, His forgiveness and adoption of us into His royal family.

That is why His salvation, His love, His forgiveness, His indwelling, His commitment to refine us and to build us into the image of Jesus is such a priceless treasure—because He saves us from our dreary life of mistakes!

Easter is my favorite season of the year—because I am forgiven, I am adopted, I am new in Christ. And as a toddler, I seek Him all the time and expect Him to help me and to accept me into His arms. That is what I did for my immature toddlers. Could the God of the universe do any less.

But what to do with all the failures and ways I defrauded my children? That heavy burden of grief and sadness for all the ways I have failed?

“If we confess our sins, he is able to forgive us our sins.”

He is able. He is able.

Do not accept the heavy burden of guilt—choose to live in your new freedom. Choose to put away the voices, the rule-keepers. Faith is a choice of your will.

Believe that He is a redeemer—He can draw back those stray sheep—He loves them and especially wants to love and help you because you are a mama after His heart. He will redeem—buy back—all of those mistakes. Redemption is what HE does—he delights in doing what He was made to do. So don’t waste your time worrying—leave your failings and regrets in His loving hands.

After all, I think mamas are his favorites because like Him, they are laying down their lives for their sweet sheep.

May you live in the resurrection power today and each day till you see Him face to face.

For a little more of my story, join me at Momheart.org today!

Killing the soul of Children--revisited

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis

Research of every kind has suggested that media, constantly being indoors, over-entertainment, trying to manage children into little adults, too much exposure to sexual material and immoral values at an early age, is destroying the soul of children. They are being pushed and pulled and dragged from one place to another, endless activities, lessons that are supposedly "good" for them,  and forced to fit into the time boxes convenient to adults.  This stress is wreaking havoc and creating horrendous results on a generation of children who are growing up with emotional adult illnesses at early ages, lower vocabulary, more depression, vastly growing obesity as a childhood disease, and so much more. Premature addiction to sexual images and news stories and acting out adult values is damaging to their souls. Innocence and purity of mind is healthy to becoming healthy adults.

Children are starving for real life and drowning in the midst of an empty one.

But the old fashioned way of raising children seems to be the healthiest way to raise emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually resilient children. Children are natural imitators and so we must fill their lives and minds with worthy people and ideas and heroes to pretend and to imitate--to practice what they will be when they grow up.

May they not grow up to imitate addiction to the computer. May they not learn and display passivity from adults ignoring their needs while paying too much attention to facebook, twitter, blogs and cell phones. May they not copy the habit of observing parents dwelling hour after hour in front of impersonal machines, while neglecting to honor and invest in real time relationships.

Sarah, my oldest daughter, often speaks about what it means to have a soul thoroughly alive. She describes rooms in the soul and heart that need to be attended to, in order for beauty, intelligence, creativity, emotional health, a sense of a joyfully fulfilling  life to grow and flourish. These fundamental needs must be met in order for a person to flourish.

I think children need the same protection and nurtuing. Children's brains are being robbed of intellectual exercise because they are not doing the things that children have done through out history. Children need lots of time to have alone-time-imagination--to synthesize all that they are learning and thinking about in their worlds. Children need to be read to, and to have their brains filled with moral strength, values and stories that inspire.

When they are constantly entertained by media, their brains actually become retarded--clinically slowed down,  because they are overstimulated and their undeveloped eyes and brain capacity cannot deal with all of the visual stimulation, so that the brain actually shuts down in areas.  Because they are deprived of what their bodies and brains are designed to have--rest, play, imagination, curiosity, interaction with real people and real experiences, problems to solve, there is a diminishing of long term emotional, spiritual and mental health. Unfortunately, most children  not free to exercise life choices in the oxygen of creative play and have forgotten how to exist without constant entertainment, which prohibits intellectual growth.

Children need to be outdoors. They need time to be bored so that they will have to figure out how to occupy their time creatively. Innocence and purity of mind is healthy to becoming healthy adults.

They need to be around books and have lots and lots of imaginative stories read to them and then have time to pretend the stories. They need lots of time with adults so that they can pattern their values and manners and  relationship after mature people rather than always being in the company of immature children or media images which display violence, foolishness and questionable values.

Children will reflect what their environment has produced. If one wants excellence and creativity, it comes out of a life well ordered and planned--intentional living out of what is real, true, acceptable and good.  It does not come out of media or constant external entertainment or happen-chance where children becomes morally addicted to cultural values as displayed on the internet, television, and the movies.

May all children be blessed with the gift of play, imagination, free time and the space to be outdoors to explore. May they wonder at the marvels of God's creation. May they have the treasure of real human beings who hold their hands while exploring the world, or who rock them to sleep and sing them real songs or scratch their backs at bedtime and tell them their own love stories. And may they daily hear the words of their creator God, and marvel at His excellence and grow to love Him with all of their hearts.

Different or Gifted? Fording the stream of out of the box kids

Do we ever try to stuff our square children into a round peg?

We live in a world that delights in conformity. Do what is expected. Don't stand out. Learn to fit in.

Peer Pressure to do what everyone else does, to behave as others have learned to behave.

Once, during the high school years, when one of my children brought home a whole gaggle of kids for "hanging around at our house," they all gathered around me in the kitchen as I served up hot cookies and popcorn. (During those years, I would do anything to bribe my children's friends to be at my house.)

Conversations ebbed and flowed. The kids were talking about one of the kids at a class that just didn't fit in with everyone else.

He said, "I think all the rest of us learned to avoid sticking out or bringing attention to ourselves when we were in third grade. We knew that to stick out in the crowd would only bring a crowd of kids making fun of us--and no one wanted to be noticed in front of the crowd of other kids."

The other kids shook their heads in agreement.

How sad, I thought. To think that the God who made each snow flake totally different, each fingerprint varied and individual, would ever want his best creations--human beings, made in his image--to fit in and become robotic in their behavior.

And yet, I see parents, all the time, looking for a formula--a one size fits all sort of solution to stuff their children into to make their lives more manageable. Parents compare their children to others and try to make their children conform.

"Jan's child started reading when she was four. Robin's 8 year old knows all of his multiplication tables. Everyone else has their children in piano or soccer or or or, so I think our children must need that."

"This family doesn't listen to that kind of music--maybe we shouldn't. That family's kids are all more quiet than our kids."

If adults are performing to live up to cultural expectations and to please the voice of others, how will the children ever learn to stand on their own convictions and to listen to the voice of God--even if it is against cultural standards?

 Children who are trained to conform to the expectations of others in culture, are not as quick to ask become heroes, to become inventors or to accept the role of a prophet in a culture that needs to change.

Albert Einstein

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein 

Albert Einstein was one of the most brilliant thinkers of his time. His name is synonymous with the word "genius." Yet, as a baby, his head was so large and misshapen, his mother thought he was deformed. As a child, he had a speech defect. He failed his college entrance exam. What vast potential lay dormant in the life and mind of this brilliant scientist, until the time when His powers of thought culminated in life-changing scientific discoveries.

And so it is with our children. Each of them is unique and qualified differently for performing in life. How blessed is the child whose mother looks for the unique design and personality, who looks for the spark of interest her children show in different subjects; who asks for the Holy Spirit to show her the place this child was crafted to invest his life for God's glory.

I once read an article that suggested that each child had the capacity to become a genius in some area. Having read this one bit of information changed the way I looked at my children their whole lives. I did not focus on what they could not do, but sought to help them find out what they were made to do. Each child learned at his own pace and excelled in different areas. Each was validated for his or her own design.

Faith is required to allow a child to pursue those skills and interests that delight his heart, but strength is found when the authority of a child to shape his destiny is freed to full potential by the loving, accepting and nurturing environment in a home that is alive with His spirit.

Legalism and conformity kills the spirit. Grace, faith and acceptance sets free.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed, by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:1

Comparing children to each other deflates their sense of self and flattens their interest and creativity in life. When we see the differences and diverse strengths and unique expressions of our children in the days of our lives and seek to facilitate these differences, perhaps we might just be setting an Einstein free to live, not in conformity, but to invest his life in producing something the world is hungering to receive.

God did not make any mistakes when He created our children. Each child is fearfully and wonderfully made. Consequently, when we accept them as the gift from God he meant us to have, and if we love, pray for them, validate them as He made them, it will become a part of the soul-shaping, wisdom of life He intended for us. We learn wisdom in life by leaning in to His will and ways--and part of that is in accepting the children He gave us as they are.

Today, celebrate the differences, look for the genius and watch the life of God filling your home.

In light of this subject, I know you will enjoy reading Clay's article about the cost of raising an artistic child--how we survived raising children, and in this case Nathan, who listened to the beat of a different drummer.

(Storywarren.com--a great blog to inspire parents) Enjoy!

When will they stop fussing? Love must be trained, to grow! Way # 5

Joel and Joy, playing and singing again.

There was a time, actually some years, when I wondered if Joy and Joel could go for a day without chafing each other. Whatever personality issues lay between them, add a little sin nature and age difference, and life would find them often correcting each other's opinion or thoughts or heating toward high friction.

Some of my best memories the past two years, though, have been seeing them come to the piano again and again--playing, singing, harmonizing for literally hours--as they are both singer-songwriter types; seeing Joel coach her as she practiced her speeches and then spending hours judging at her speech and debate tournaments; coaching and encouraging each other through life, loves, thoughts, and becoming real, down deep friends.

Same with Sarah and Nate, or Joy and Sarah or Joel and Nate, ..., you get the picture!

Moms often say to me, "When are they ever going to stop fussing? Will they ever be friends?"

It does take longer than any of us would want, but training is the key to training the heart's response.

But, as I have paraphrased in other principles--love is not natural, it is supernatural. Love is a choice, an obedience. It grows when self is put away again and again. Love is a choice practiced over and over again--in order to build a strong "love muscle."

And yet, Jesus says that love is the very reality that will separate us from the world, because love is such an exceptional light in a sea of dark relationships--that we would actually show love for one another is the way He said we would win the world.

As he said, "They, (the world), will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."

The reason people would know that something was different about believers in Christ is that love is not natural to normal people--love is not normal in this world where divorce, law suits, violence in homes, separation of friendships, petty fussing and fighting, church splits, this is the norm.

That is why this week's "way" is so very important.

"We love one another, treating others with kindness, gentleness and respect." Way #5

Memory Verse:

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I John 4:11-12

Love must become a trained habit. Living by feelings is not a choice, we must help our children to "become strong inside" by choosing what is right, beyond  negative feelings. Living in submission to the power of the Holy Spirit, and choosing to practice love, is what is at stake here. Obedience to practicing love and learning to forgive is a pathway to maturity and a choice where God will provide strength in the midst of such a choice of obedience.

What we sow, we reap. And if we sow seeds of love, seeds of choosing to be kind, learning to be gentle and showing respect, we will empower our children to have strong relationships.  All of this must be taught, modelled, and then corrected and trained again and again.

The practice of learning to love goes on at home:

Is that the way to be kind, gentle and respectful to your sister? How could you have said that differently? What is our Family way about how we treat one another? Now, I want you to apologize and tell your sister that you love her.

Some of our besties--even friends offend each other.

Friends must also become a place of practicing loving.

I know you feel like your friend irritated you and was unjust--but our verse says, "Since God loved us, we also ought to love one another. So, could you find it in your heart to forgive your friend? Mama has quarreled with her friends before, too. I know it hurts your feelings. But since God forgave me, I knew He wanted me to forgive my friend. Can I pray for you and your friend? ..........Now, let's surprise her and write her a nice note about how glad you are that she is your friend and maybe we could take her a plate of cookies?"

If we separate from our friends just because of quarrels, then we are teaching our children that we don't have to love everyone--we only have to love the people who we feel like loving--and then your training of this verse and family way becomes null and void.

What we model as adults is the integrity of our teaching them to follow our ways.

(And even in those irrational relationships with family, believers and others who will not speak to you anymore or who have decided to be at enmity to you, you must model restraint--show respect because you are a child of Jesus. Show your children what it looks like to respect even those who have offended you and sinned against you. When you model unconditional love in front of your children, they know deep in their hearts that you are choosing to control your feelings in order to sow love--and guess what, that is exactly how they will behave when they are tested as adults--because they learned integrity from you!)

Oh no, you mean I even have to model this way in marriage?

All marriages have stress and ups and downs. This is the training grounds for parents to practice unconditional love in front of their children. Way 5, loving because He first loved us- is not something that just the children are required to follow--even we must follow our Family ways, especially in marriage--sowing love and grace, kindness, gentleness and respect with our spouse, even when our feelings disagree. This is the training grounds for greatness for our children.

When they hear the truth of the way and learn the verse, then when they see that in their home, forgiveness is practiced over and over again; saying your sorry and giving respect and restoring the relationship; choosing to act and speak in respectful ways, prepares your children to:

Stay loving and faithful and forgiving in marriage

to be a loyal and faithful friend

to get along and learn how to honor and handle others at work

In short, training a child to choose to love by showing kindness, gentleness and respect will prepare them to go before kings or paupers and to become leaders in their generation. This is one of the most important areas of training, so that our children can learn how to influence people with the messages of Christ--it starts with an attitude that says, "God has designed me to love people, to be humble like He was, to show respect and kindness."

Did fussing irritate me? Of course--drove me crazy!

Did I ever wonder if my children would get along? Thousands of times.

Did I wonder what I was doing wrong? Of course I did.

But training is a matter of process and maturity. And it really is going in deep in their hearts.

But training them to love is not about forcing them and yelling at them--but training, correcting, loving, modeling and doing it all over again, until this is a true value of their soul.

But it does work and God will knit together your family, because it is deeply in their souls--His way and design for them.

I am not quite sure when the "magic" of my children really loving each other and enjoying each other and really loving to be together happened, but it is a gift and a result of the seeds we planted and watered over many years.

Even last night, Nathan rang us at 10:30 and we had a 20 minute, face time--me on the couch, showing the dog, getting 3 of us in camera site at once--just to be together and "jaw." We giggled, shared, talked and loved once again as a community of Clarkson's. The fruit was sweet to my mama heart.

This training is an over and over and over again issue, but I must say now, fighting hard for this way to become the "way" of their hearts is one of the sweetest harvests of training, because now we have all become best friends.

I was the one who was loved

Valentin de Boulogne

Jesus and young John

Snowing again, music wafting, reading my Bible and being changed.

John is one of my favorites in scripture. Calling Jesus the word, speaking of handling him, knowing that he was the disciple who was loved,

when deep friendship and camaraderie amongst men was not suspect but the place where the vision for life and discipleship was passed on,

penning the vision of our glorious ending with Him in Revelation, who tells us He is the light that illumines every man.

Oh to have conversations with John.

This morning in my quiet time, John's  words pierced my heart--

His authority: "What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of Life—  and the life was manifested, and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was manifested to us

I John 1:1-2—

He who walked with Jesus and was loved, wants so much to teach us so that we can really know what He knew--the personal one who deeply loved Him.

These words burning in my mind today:

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. 

Popularity, things that I can own, voices of the world, kingdoms of this world, fitting in,

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

I cannot truly love the Father if I am in love with the world--

the things, the longing to fit in, the love and promotion of self--

He did not value the world, He humbly lived and served and washed feet and gave up His kingship to serve-If I am to love Him, I cannot love the world.

 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh,

Eve saw that the fruit was pleasing to the eye

 and the lust of the eyes

And Eve saw that the fruit was good for food

and the boastful pride of life,

Eve saw that the fruit was desirable for gaining wisdom,

is not from the Father, but is from the world. 

May I resist temptation--and not see my life as Eve saw hers when she was tempted.

^{What are my idols--those things which I look to for comfort, for fulfillment, thinking it will bring me happiness--those idols that promise to satisfy but leave me empty in the end}

The world is passing away, and also its lusts;

but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

I John 2: 15-17

The world is passing away--oh may I remember. That I may invest in eternal values and people and Him and His word.

I wish I had known....

In this world you have tribulation,

but take courage....

I have overcome the world.

Jesus

No amount of ranting or complaining can change the fact that we live in a fallen world, a

a battleground for souls.

I wish I had known sooner

or better understood

or earlier admitted

that I needed to accept this reality,

and to determine to grow up and determine to build up my strength little by little.

It would have saved me so much emotional havoc in the long run. ~ 

 From, Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

If only I had understood that this was a battle for allegiance to the one who is true, and not an issue of choosing the right activities, or the best curriculum, or the most promising school choice,

If only I knew that the sacrificing of my life to God's design would be the making of my character;

To have understood that the longer I loved and served and gave myself to the training of my children, the more I would understand His fatherhood of me,

and

the complete sacrifice He was willing to make for me, his own unaware and shortsighted toddler child,

who often was blind to the workings of His ways and the wisdom of His voice,

even as my children were often blind to my wisdom given for their sakes.

If only I had known that the miracle of my children's long term faith and love for Him,  was not an issue of our being righteously mature and perfect in performance,

but upon our dependence for Him working according to His power and mercy--

that He was the one who made our paltry sacrifices enough to reach the hearts of our children,

because He cared more than we did about the loving and redeeming our children out of darkness into His light,

and that all He wanted from me was to give it all up to Him and to live by faith and to enjoy the gift He had given into my hands--

the gift of mothering these children, living this story, and seeing His miracles right before my eyes.

Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it. Psalm 37:5

If only I had known, it would have saved me so much emotional havoc, worry, impatience, and stress, 

And I would have lived restfully in peace, and enjoyed each day more, letting Him take the weight of my fretting and worry.

Peace of the Lord be with you today, the Lord is near.

Sally

A Fire in my soul--a challenge, a call to Motherhood

My heritage--my precious daughters, whose legacy of righteousness will live beyond me!

“What does it profit a mama to gain the whole world and lose the soul of her children?”

Paraphrase by me

From Desperate to Hope!

At 31 years old, I prepared to hold my first baby in my arms. Having been a working-woman for 10 years, I was used to speaking to large groups, traveling all over the world, having my own life validated by my work,

Yet, when I held little Sarah close to my cheek, her infant smiles especially for me, the tiny hand patting my chest those first few months, God began to do a deep work in my heart.

His Spirit moved me to start studying and pondering scripture to see what God's opinion was about children, to understand this mysterious design and connection between mother and child.

My men, the ones who will lead in righteousness--who are changing their worlds because of their sense of heritage.

Now, after 29 years of mothering, I am sure that is was God who was whispering the secrets of His will into my ears and impressing me deeply in my heart of eternal spiritual truths. And His desire and His plan was excellent, I have experienced it profoundly, and know that Biblical motherhood is a most profound and meaningful role when lived by God's design.

The first blessing out of God’s mouth to Adam and Eve in Genesis was, "Be fruitful and multiply."---that before the fall. Children  are a blessing from God's heart and from his perfect design. Their souls will last for all of eternity. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Jesus took them into His arms and blessed them and said, "Of such is the kingdom of God." He also said, "Woe to the one who causes the least of these to stumble."

God fashioned the  family as the place through which righteousness was to be passed down from generation to generation. Of course the Proverbs 8, and 9 passage, and 14:1—

Proverbs 31, a classic view of the immeasurable value of a woman being the glue to family, to influence in government through her marriage, to the shaping of children who grow up to call her blessed—the one who had noble words on her tongue.

“Mother of all the living” was the first woman’s name that defined a great part of her purpose. Solomon, the wisest man on earth declared that the wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears is down with her own hands. (The house here being her heritage, family, family name--generations of her home.)

Paul gives ageless wisdom in Titus 2 that the older women, those who had lived through births, illnesses, journeys of children from cradle to adulthood, hormones, training, difficulty, challenges, calls to faithful, loyal love in marriage through dark seasons and light--wiser, more experienced women, were honored by the call to prepare, to help inspire and to  to train the younger women to love their children, love their husbands and to be workers at home.

All of these verses supporting the incredible, purposeful, eternally meaningful role for women to fulfill so that the next generation of adults would have the hope of becoming righteous, brave, morally strong, sure in righteousness, passing on truth, purpose and love—to preserve life for future generations to be strong and viable.

I didn't have a vendetta or something to prove. I was not anti-feminism, but pro-God’s ways--just a simple desire to try to follow what scripture said. To please God with all of my heart, to seek first His kingdom, by including a Biblical design of family as central to His heart. In seeking Him and His word, I found these great truths, this value to a mother’s design.

But as a young mom making this choice, I faced so much loneliness and isolation. I made it through so many dark and devastatingly difficult seasons of motherhood because I saw the heart of Christ, and I knew He cared.

My fellow idealist!

When He looked out on the multitudes, he felt compassion—because they were like sheep without a shepherd.

When I look out a young moms today, I feel compassion, and I also feel that they are like sheep without a shepherd. Many long for direction and input and wisdom, help and support, a night of sleep, a couple of hours away—a small break from all the pressures, yet the mamas don't know where to go to find this small bit of help.

Most public ministry messages and leaders don't really touch the subject of mothering very much as it creates so much friction in the Christian arena with so many having made different decisions, and yet with such sad results. The Barna polls show--the constant descending morality, spirituality and faith of teens and 20 somethings plummeting every decade to an all time low. Young adults losing their faith, in some estimates up to 90% in college. Falling literacy amongst young adults, less marriage because of co-habitation, homosexuality growing, addiction to pornography by young women and young men because of the ease with which to find it on the internet, and so many more statistics about the decline of the young adult culture in many areas.

Should we not ask the question, “Could the decline of the moral fiber and faith of young adults have any correlation to the lowering of the vision for motherhood and its significant impact on children in the last 40 years?”

I have rarely met a mom who did not love and cherish their children. Yet, so many felt lost in a sea of contemporary philosophies. And I do see so many moms living in the pain of their own broken memories of their childhood sadness. I see so many moms with pressures, especially in this current economy. Many have to work just to feed their families. Many sweet moms are single and bear so much pressure alone. Many young moms have just never heard of the Biblical call to motherhood. Many come from broken families and don't know how to love their children. Many moms have not been given the permission from their culture to stay home with their children. Many moms have just never considered or been taught the truth about their role in children's lives.

And yet, we know both from statistics and from Biblical wisdom, that no family becomes righteous without the devoted teaching and intentional training of their parents. We also know that when the next generation of adults, the children in our homes, are neglected, then the future adults will have no godly character, no purpose or direction and will cultivate the demise of culture.

I think that scripture teaches us to live by faith. There can be many ways of working out a family life in which righteousness is passed on to children. We must trust the Holy Spirit to direct and accomplish His will in each family according to His direction. I do see God doing miracles in so many families and that in all sorts of situations, righteousness can abound when parents or a mom is focused on this as a central goal for her life. And none of our families will look exactly alike.

Yet, high Biblical standards must be embraced when Satan is at war with the souls, minds and consciences of this generation of youth.

But no matter your educational choice, or if you must work, building a godly legacy will require hard work, giving up of your self, sacrificing your time--as all great tasks require great sacrifice. What we sow we will reap.

So when I see a group of young moms, who don't seem to have anyone building into their lives, or giving them encouragement, wisdom or help, my heart breaks.  Cultural voices are available to give moms all sorts of input that will in many cases lead their children astray, and to this, I react deeply in my heart.

I feel a bigger stewardship to do whatever I can to get the messages out, training in more places, the sweet grace of the influence of a godly woman, into as many minds and hearts of moms as I can. And of course, I especially I long for churches, and Christian leaders,  to step up to the bat to be brave and forthright in holding forth the truth of scripture in these areas.

Malachi says of the priests who followed after God's heart, "True instruction was in his mouth, and unrighteousness was not found on his lips; he walked with me in peace and uprightness and he turned many back from iniquity. For the lips of the priest should preserve knowledge, and men should seek instruction from his mouth; for He is a messenger of the Lord of Hosts." (2: 6-7)

Our leaders, our older women, should be holding up God's standards--their lips should preserve knowledge, including in this area of the Biblical call of family.

The church at large and Christian leaders should be the biggest champions of the Biblical, historical role of mothers and of the design of the family to be responsible for the values of their family.

I just long for more--more help, more support, more input, more inspiring conviction, more wisdom to be valiantly, passionately taught about the role of "mothers" in the lives of their children.

As we would never expect to throw seeds out into the wind and expect it to become a beautiful garden, so we cannot throw our children out into the winds of culture and expect them to become people of great character and faith. Especially when media, values, television, movies, magazines, cultural values at large, take marriage, purity, godly character  lightly--and in the opposite direction, promote adulation of actors, athletes, musicians whose lifestyles are immoral and vain.

And yet, when God places a child into our arms, it is one of the most significant treasures we will ever be given--because what we do to invest in our children's lives will influence the course of history and the history of our children's lives and future generations. God will hold us responsible, us as parents--not church, school, society--but us, responsible to pass on God's truth and design, and righteousness into the next generation.

And so, my heart is to help all moms, whatever their puzzle, to encourage them to do the hard thing--to take the time, whatever is costs to be that person in their children's lives, who gives them an appetite for God and the things of God, to do the work of making their home a place of real life and beauty and truth and celebrated relationships, so that when they enter the gates of heaven, they can say to Jesus, "I did all that I could to whisper into the ears of my children the truths and secrets of the kingdom of heaven and to pass on a love for you." (what does it profit a mom to gain the whole world and lose the soul of her child.)

And so I long for the Christian arena, not to be a place of conflict in supporting this calling, but a place where the significance of this calling is being upheld and taught. And of course there are many places where this is happening. But I would love to know what you feel about this and what you have experienced. I want to encourage moms to take up their place in this battle for the souls.

CALLING ALL MENTORS

Calling all mentors to step up and take notice and help a generation of mamas who need our help to raise a godly generation. I am in—how about you?

This ends our book study of Desperate. I hope you have been encouraged. Now, may God equip each of you to fulfill his great call for you as moms--to build a godly generation right in your home. And may He bless you abundantly and fulfill your deep longings in the process. All my heart out to you!

  

The Family Table--Life celebrated and shared

Homemade, oatmeal, honey wheat bread. Concocted from many years of experimenting.......simple comfort at the table!

Tonight, candles lit, music softly playing, the four of us sat down to dinner with a sigh and comfort for the familiar celebration each day. Nightly, we look forward to sharing in community, personally round a 60 year old family table that has born memories, birthdays, devotions, sadnesses shared, and love given generously. Feasting is what my boys called it last year when they wistfully anticipated home for the holidays.

What do you boys miss the most, I asked, curious to know just what home meant to them. It's the sitting around the family table, laughing, talking, arguing, defending, sharing life around real food and with people who understand you.

Both boys said that few of their friends ever had the family table like this. Few of my friends like to talk and share deeply from thoughts and convictions, both boys shared. That is what we can't wait for--the life of our Clarkson community of family.

One of the reasons I think our children are so articulate and highly convicted is that every night, since they were little, our habit was to pray for dinner, serve mostly real food, and then talk and talk and tell about our days, thoughts, happenings in the world. Thousands of hours of discussion and engaging their minds. Clay would often ask them what they had learned or what they liked about the books we were reading and that was all that was needed for long, long talking and talking fests.

Of course, when they were little there were lots of glasses of the proverbial spilled milk and fussing--and some even into their teen years. But mostly, shared life tied the invisible strings of love and shared life binding one heart to another and built a foundation of Clarkson community--just a shared meal and time--the secret to much of our closeness. Intentionally planned but well enjoyed now by all.

Oh, no! I hear snow is expected again this Saturday, so this is an easy and hearty meal that we might just have this coming snowy night!

When other parts of my life seem a little off, I make bread and then I feel like I have done something to add to our day!  Loaves of bread hot from the oven, sitting until they're completely cooled and ready to be sliced and wrapped up--or until someone comes and starts nibbling, which happens much sooner than the cooling does!

One of my family's favorite meals is when I make homemade chicken soup on our bread days. I learned some of the techniques I use while living in Europe. Since it's a chilly, bundle up and snuggle down sort of season, this makes the perfect dinner!

Often, I will boil a whole frozen bag or two of chicken breasts as I can then freeze them in small containers and I have an instant meal. I also do this with hamburger, turkey, and brown rice!

So here's a recipe I love for these sort of days.

Homemade Chicken Soup

2-4 cups chopped, cooked chicken breast

2 cups diced/cooked red or idaho potatoes

3 cps frozen peas and carrots (or one bag frozen peas and carrots)

1 tsp garlic

1 medium chopped onion

1 Tbs French herbs ... thyme, parsley, rosemary combined or to taste. I like a lot!

2 Tbs. olive oil or butter

1/2 cup wine (cooking wine is fine)

1 tsp salt (or to taste)

a few twists pepper

4-5 cups water

3 cps frozen peas and carrots

2 Tbs butter

1 1/2 tsp chicken bouillon (without MSG!)

1/3 cup flour

2 cups milk

Boil the veggies, potatoes and chicken in the water until cooked through, (simmer for 20-30 minutes.).

While the veggies and chicken are cooking, saute garlic, onion and herbs in olive oil or butter in another pan.

Add 1/3 cup of flour to the chicken bouillon,  and stir until all the lumps are gone.  Stir constantly over medium heat until all the lumps have disappeared. Add milk until combined and thickened and then add the wine. Slowly add milk mixture to soup mixture, stirring as it thickens.

Enjoy! Sometimes to make it prettier, I put a dollap of sour cream and a sprinkle of chives or herbs on top.

We like to serve this with croutons, toast and applesauce!

And of course it is a simple recipe, and you may add brown rice, noodles instead of potatoes, if you prefer, and other veggies, even omit the milk and just put the bouillon right into the soup mixture ... whatever you have on hand, and whatever sounds good!

Hope you enjoy! And take the time to feast.