Closing each day with a blessing: The intentional routine that Opens Hearts

Albert Anker

"And Jesus took the children in his arms and began touching them and He blessed them" Mark 10: 16

Sparkling lights danced and flashed on our un-curtained windows outside our 17th floor hotel room, as we had only candles lit in the darkness of late night. Joy was curled up, exhausted from finishing 6 hours of classes in two weeks, gown-bedecked, with feet dark from the sandy beach we had just walked.

Grabbing a warm, soapy cloth, I gently began to wash her small, feminine feet, with only acoustic strings filling the silence in quiet comfort.

Next, I squeezed citrus lotion in circles and began to massage her toes, bottom of feet and quietly talked to her of how happy my heart was to share in these precious moments with her.

"Mama, I have always, always loved ending my days with your blessing and love. It makes my heart peaceful," whispering to me as she snuggled and curled more deeply into the soft comforter atop our bed. This little interlude filled my mama heart a couple of weeks ago when I had a week long trip in California that literally ended with joy.

This brought to mind another such hotel visit, the first time I heard her say out-loud to others how years of intentional "good-nighting" had born lasting, loving fruit in her heart.

Speaking at the Military Regional Women's Conference in Hawaii a couple of years ago, I took Joy as my companion, as Clay and I decided long ago I would never travel alone. Someone asked Joy, then 16, to share how to reach the heart of your child or teenager, and she replied. "Every night, no matter what, I knew that my mom would come to my bed and spend time with me and talk with me and pray with me before I went to bed. It was our time, where I could pour out my fears, my secrets, my confessions and my dreams. If you want to win your teen, you need to give them time to talk to you and bed time is a great time to do that."

I was a little surprised to hear her answer, that out of all the things we did, the evening close with a blessing, came to her mind. But, early in our marriage, we heard someone speak about bed time being an important time for children. Clay and I were very intentional about creating our own routines.

When Joy was born amidst 3 older, demanding siblings, I determined that I would spend an extended time with her every night before she went to sleep. No matter what a day has held: fussing, conflict, excitement, drudgery, joy, celebration, hard work, putting the day to end well is a wise endeavor.

When we understand this idea of blessing our child each night before they go to bed, it carries with it the idea of giving our children a peaceful heart. We give love to our child's heart when we tie all loose ends together with unconditional love by blessing them every night, putting to rest all of the burdens of the day and giving them into the hands of God. Every day, we ended in words of love and grace.

No matter what has transpired through out the day, we can close it by speaking to our child's heart. "I love you no matter what. Forgive me for my impatience today, please? Or I forgive you for your disobedience today. You are very precious to me. I am blessed to have you. You may go to sleep without bearing anger, or a guilty conscience, or fear, because I love you and God loves you and He will be with you. Sleep in peace, my precious."

Bedtime can be such a burden for an exhausted mom. Understanding that everyone's adrenalin is down helped me to remember not to react to conflict at night, but to wait for the next day to face problems head on, when everyone's bodies were more capable of dealing with issues.

Please do not picture that our bedtimes were without struggle, but I think when you are intentional about making it an anchor of the day and guiding and leading your children into an expectation of the end of the day being relational, it becomes a grace to all that has transpired. But, bedtime gives our children one last impression of their whole day and it is a redeeming time of bringing and restoring and offering peace.

Clay and I had elaborate bedtime routines for our children when they were young so that they knew what was coming, and more easily submitted to the routine. As Nathan had some ocd about bedtime, we knew that if he could not remember the prayer and the kiss, he would not be able to go to sleep. So often, I would repeat a short prayer and say, "Now, I want you to remember this time, how much I love you and God loves you."

And now I well realize that children do not stay in this stage forever and one more kiss did not hurt me.

The Routine-- Bathtime, books, and the blessing

I had a very large tub in a couple of my homes. We would put the kids in with every imaginable toy in the world--whatever it took to keep them their and to give them a place to give up one last surge of energy. (Please be sure to only trust age appropriate children to be by themselves--young toddlers and babies should, of course, never be left alone!)

During this time, I would sit down and rest and read or have a cup of something, even if the dishes were still in the sink or the house was not cleaned up.  I would  just spend a few minutes restoring myself, because I wanted to be available to extend the last moments of the day blessing the kids.

Then we would take turns getting the children out, pajama'd, teeth brushed. Finally, if all was done in an orderly manner, we gathered in the living room, or a child's bedroom for a short read aloud from a child's story book. This routine of expectation helped them to understand that bedtime and sleep time was coming. Our children seemed to thrive more easily on routine.

After we read, we would send the kids to the bathroom one last time, and then each child would be tucked into bed personally, touched or stroked on a forehead and prayed for and kissed. Every night we gave an "I love you," or "I am so very blessed to have you," or some intentional words of acceptance and encouragement."

I think positive peer pressure works well here. If you train your first child to this routine, "Now it is bedtime. We have bathed, read, prayed and now you get such a privilege--you get to snuggle in your lovely bed with your soft, cuddly stuffed animals and go into dreamland."

We always talked sweetly of their beds and made them as delightful as possible. When all the children work in routines together, the younger ones tend to follow the routine without much of a fuss. We often used words like, "You are growing so strong inside. You go to bed like a big boy or girl."

During the teen years..... Often, as our children became older, the bedtime routines became longer because it meant night time talks in their rooms, sharing of hearts and secret fears, struggles, temptation. Yet, with so many older children in our lives, discussing issues all day long, I knew that Joy would need "just me" time. From the very beginning, I would rock her and sing to her many songs and cherish her at night to make up for any distractions during the day. I would lay with her on her bed and talk and pray with her and this became our own special time.

Though it did require a commitment of heart and time on my part, as often we were ready to put the day away for our "own" time, I see now that this giving and ending with love meant so much to all of our children--and especially her, because she had to compete with older siblings all day long.Though, at times I was so exhausted and drained, and I did not feel like doing the routine, one more time, I had practiced it as a life habit, and kept it going, every night, and so it became a foundation of my being close to my children--they grew to expect it. 

Even now, it is sweet to see when the older kids are home, they all come upstairs to my bedroom--now they put me to bed, because they are staying up longer than me! Joel often sits on my bed for a half hour, just sharing his thoughts. It has become special to me--that my twenty something kids still come for a blessing, still want our affirmation and still won't go to sleep without the kiss and prayer.

Routines are often difficult to establish, but when cultivated, they become a habits that give life, love and security. It is still a gift to me that I now get to share the sweet fellowship of my best friends, my children, when they are home, to tie together all the lose ends, in love and peace.

And so with all the mom's conference this season, and the wedding this weekend, many gathering on hotel beds with all the kids involved, will be my secret very best time at the conferences--all of us together, laughing, sharing, praying, loving, clothed in jammies and gowns,  and hidden from the world, just being best friends and closing the night with a blessing and peace.

Most Great Accomplishments are won at great cost: The Good and Hard!

My first Mom Heart Conference staff! Joel, Sarah, Nathan and Joy! 

This was about the age our family started mom's conferences, 18 years ago! And this was our staff--book box carriers, registration team, those who handed out chocolate. They came cheap--and some of their friends helped, too.

I was thinking this weekend that running our conferences for countless women over the years, has been one of the biggest blessings--and yet, hardest things, we have ever done. Literally hundreds of nights in hotels with hotel food, suitcases---the dirty laundry at the end of the trip, different time zones--yet, definitely eternal work accomplished with much faith, together--and now I can see that it was the years and years of serving Him together that was one of the life-changing components for all of our children.

How interesting it was to find that Sarah was also pondering this and wrote a blog about the hard--very hard, but very good events that make life so worthwhile.

So, let me know, what does your family do--that is hard but good?

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I write this from 35,000 feet up in the free blue air. A grey quilt of clouds obscures the earth below, but sometimes the cloud down frays and the earth winks up, a brown, wry face patterned with laughter lines and the rutted gullies of old tears. I never get tired of having the window seat on an airplane. My awe at technology is usually spoiled by my suspicion that it might be ruining my imagination, but I still have a tiny girl’s wonder at the fact that we humans can fly. Airplanes feel a little like magic to me. I could sit here, nose pressed against my window, reveling in my rare, eagle’s eye view for hours.

At the moment though, I’m also just glad to be sitting. I can feel the dark circles under my eyes. For the third time in four weeks, I have gotten up far too early to lug a half dozen suitcases and crates to various airplane counters. I have packed and unpacked, washed (and, well, “unwashed”) more loads of laundry in the past months than I care to mention, changed time zones, chased rental car shuttles, and stumbled up, hair awry and eyes slightly wild to quite a few hotel desks. I have a bag of cherry tomatoes in the bottom of my bag, because I couldn’t stand to throw out good produce one more time, but they sit next to a bar of chocolate because travel season wrecks my healthy intentions. My carryon is stuffed with the speech I haven’t yet gotten by heart, the insurance papers I haven’t figured out, and the manuscript I still haven’t edited though the deadline is this weekend. In order even to write this, I must ignore the ten, urgent, unanswered emails sitting on the next tab over.

I tell you all this because in this rare moment of (literally) suspended calm, I find myself contemplating the worth of doing hard things.

Everything in my life of late seems hard. Conference season is hard. It comes as a mix of marathon, disaster, and holiday. Writing is hard. My brain at the end of a working day feels like a mental sponge squeezed dry of every word, and my heart rate spikes at thought of all the work I have yet to do. Integrity is hard. To write about beauty is one thing, to make it amidst exhaustion and laundry with nerves frayed and tongue sharp is harder. Health is hard. To eat good food, to walk long miles, to seek out natural instead of processed food takes time, and thought, and a mighty dose of discipline. (Especially amidst travel.) Even loving God is hard. Turning my mind away from the many lists of things I need to do, the countless desires, the endless distractions in order to sit with my Bible and listen, listen to his whisper in the silence is one of the most difficult habits I have ever undertaken.

Hard, every bit of it. Hard every single day of my life.

Yet undeniably, unequivocally… good.

In the past months I have watched myself complete a manuscript I never thought I could manage, and impossible deadlines were the grace that helped me to do it. I finally managed to articulate my convictions about story because I was forced to spit them out in the last-minute, white heat of speech-writing the hour before I was due on stage. The countless vegetables I’ve chopped, and lettuce I’ve washed for daily salads has paid off in a health I haven’t known for years. The friendships found and renewed in these conference weekends have kindled my heart, deepened my conviction, set me on my feet to work for yet another year. Life burgeons around me, good work flourishes, the soil of my heart is rich with new ideas and I know that the endless work of writing, of health, of love to which I have given myself with freshened vigor this year is worth every bit of what it costs me.

The truth I find is that every good thing I know requires hard work. It requires, not just a dose of effort to get it started, but the grit to hold fast and keep on when the inspiration fails. Day in and day out, a life that is in any way good requires steady labor, something I don’t always factor in when I am dreaming about the lovely things I’ll make and the heroic deeds I’ll accomplish. The good life – here in a fallen world where what was meant to be good was broken – is a hard life. We fight fallenness in every atom of existence. But every bit of the goodness we we make proclaims the someday new heaven and earth. And somehow, brings the kingdom come, even amidst the shadows.

I write this to remind myself to endure, because my idealist self often lags in the midst of all the effort. When I’m tired, as I am today with the hum of the plane around me, I wonder if its all worth it. I write this to shore up my will to endure, to strengthen the conviction that grows feeble when all I really want to do is lounge in my chair and drink five cups of tea.

But I also write this because I’ve been thinking of late about one of the hardest but best creations I have ever experienced: my family.

In conference season, I am always made keenly aware that many people watch my family. The parenting ministry that my mom and dad carry out means that we Clarksons are somewhat in the public eye. We are a family marked by our ideals, and our ministry is, in large part, to hold those ideals forth to the world and challenge others to follow them as well. But I wonder sometimes if the strength with which we state our ideals leads people to the mistaken assumption that we live an ideal life. That goodness comes easily to us, and hard to others. That somehow we were born with harmonious hearts and quiet tempers and curious intellects.

By the time we show up at conferences, feet padding the plush carpet of yet another hotel, we strive to look grown up in our Sunday clothes and polite (if not well-rested) faces. We do, of course, try to have good things to say. We strive to articulate all we believe and present a gracious face to the world. But a whirlwind of hard work and sore shoulders, heartache and heart-searching lies behind us. Imperfect attitudes, impatient words, and discouragement are the shadow side of the inspiration that propels us forward. We struggle, we grapple, we cry. We also laugh and cook and sing. We wash a thousand dishes and cook a thousand good meals and light the candles every evening and play our classical music. Behind every conference we throw or speech we give are countless quiet days of hard work and hard choices. I’m not saying that we live differently than the ideals we hold forth. I’m saying that we fight like wild men to attain them and we have been fighting for as long as I can remember.

These thoughts all began two nights ago when my Mom and I strode out to walk off our adrenaline in a purple and windy dusk. Our talk was of family, that hardest and best of works, and my talk was of the struggle I find to love. We spoke of old  frustrations and the grief they still cause. Of quirks and personalities that tax and bless us all at once. We spoke of the arduous decisions required by faith, the tough endurance required by real love, the never-ending forgiveness it demands and the ever-fresh friendship it brings. And when I had finally spit all the struggle out of my mouth in a torrent of irritation, I took a deep breath and listened to my mother teach me once again to love. To open my hands. To open my heart. To endure. And to do it all over again the next time.

As we pounded the last road home, I realized that we Clarksons are who we are – idealistic, fiercely loyal, writers, musicians, tied to each other at the hip and convinced we can help to bring God’s kingdom to bear on earth – because we stayed in the fight when the fight got hard.

Our fantastic relationships were formed in part by fantastic fights and spectacular disagreements, but we endured them all, rode the high, hard winds of strife into the safe harbor of affection.

We did not turn back and we did not let go. We did not withdraw from loving when loving got hard, but neither did we let hard things make a large and silent wedge between us. We took issues head on whatever they were and argued them out until they were gone. Jesus said of the woman who washed his feet that “she who is forgiven much, loves much.” And I think that principle is part of what forms the fellowship and ideals of my family. They who fight much, who endure each other’s quirks, who ride out the tempests of difficult circumstances and personalities, who laugh and weep and watch each other’s creation know a comradeship that can only come from the brotherhood of battle. The victory we have, the love that knits us close was only to be forged in struggle.

The truth is that we Clarksons have wrestled with God over and over again, every one of us, just like Jacob in the wilderness grappling with sin and pain and the strange presence of the Almighty. In striving to create new things, to live our ideals, to keep communion, we wrestled with God in our hearts and we wrestled with God in each other. Every inch of ground we gained in love came with years of hard battle. But we fought forward, knowing that to fight was to hope and even to love, because it was a kind of journey. We were fighting our way back to each other and not away. We were grappling toward beauty and we wrestled until we were blessed. We strove until we overcame.

That, I suppose, it at heart of what I am striving to understand, to tell myself here and as I do, tell you too. If love is to be formed, if families are to stay close, if  stories or songs are to be made, if ideals are ever to be kept, hard work is the high and never-ending cost.

In a fallen world, where the good that was meant to be was broken, we have to wrestle every day to love God, to do justice, to love mercy, to make beauty. But God wrestles with us. His Spirit incites us to the fight with visions of the good that was meant to be. His Son joins us in the battle, brother and lover who suffers so that we may overcome. And the Father waits at the end of our battle, the “great rewarder of those who seek Him.” In him we live and move and have our being, and in him we fight the great fight, and in him we trust that the good we make here is just the beginning of the kingdom come and a beauty that will never end.

So courage, dear hearts, as Aslan whispered to Lucy. Courage, I whisper to myself as the plane dips its nose under the quilt of clouds and the earth reaches up to grasp me once more. The work is about to begin again, good and hard. I’m ready.

Please find all of Sarah's inspiring thoughts and articles at: thoroughlyalive.com

Nathan (getting married this weekend!) Sarah, Joy and Joel

My staff--or children--now!

We are not a picture-perfect family, but still worth celebrating!

 

This week, I am preparing for the Nathan's marriage to sweet Rachael, his love of the past 3 years. Ideals are probably at their highest when one gets married. Yet, I think that Rachael already knows we are a flawed family but still our story is worth telling!

How about your family? How perfect do you expect it to be?

And, is anyone tired yet? I am tired but mostly, blissfully so. (Only a few teary, over-whelmed moments--but then isn't that a part of the tension of family life and then trusting the Lord?) This picture was taken a couple of years ago when our family was gathered in California for family day that we celebrate each year together. At that time, Sarah, my 27 year old daughter, was home now for 2 weeks, before she went to Oxford in England.  She was filled to the brim with newly espoused ideals and thoughts. Joy, 16,  was in Sense and Sensibility for 12 performances in one season, which means late nights and an exhausted body and lots of running around. Joel, 25, was  home and Nathan had planned to  come for a break to rest at home after working so much. In this context,  food is always  a constant--with one boy at 6’3 and the other 6’5”, it takes a whole lot of groceries and cooking to fill them up--which also means more dishes.....arrggghhhh!

And in the midst of the weekend, my sweet mama passed away and I got word in a quiet call early one morning. At least we were all together and my sweet ones could share my grief. So, the imperfection, the celebrations, the happy times, the ups and downs, the stresses are a constant rhythm of life in family never cease--but always, family is a history and a story worth living well.

At all times, I feel a little bit like I am riding a wild stallion and holding on for dear life. Joel, my 25 year old, once jokingly said, "You know our family is like one of those loud Jewish intellectual families in Fiddler on the Roof who had an opinion on everything and has to discuss everything from the mundane to the sublime. Or maybe it is a fiery Irish family with abundance of spunk or a rousing, dancing Greek family, or Italians eating feasts chattering and, oh, well, Mom, you get the picture!"

It wears me out just to contemplate it--but I did know what he meant--there is not much quiet or calm about us when we are all together!

This “loud” image also grew not only in my mind from memories gone by.  While Nate practiced his drums, Joel was composing piano tunes in our living room on my childhood piano, in the midst of Clay trying to talk to me about his day, Joy’s friends came over and laughed and giggled and ate and made messes. When they left,  Nate and Joy were practicing singing to tape tracks--over and over and over and did I say, again, over?. (all while the dog barked intermittently at the fox outside and and growled and wrestled with the boys on the floor.) And Sarah, coming out of her bedroom, said, “Can anyone ever hope to get a nap around here?

I think there is an illusion for most moms, that some day, some future day, when my kids grow up, things will become calmer, easier, less demanding. Perhaps we think having a family where the life of God is real and love is sprinkled all around and great ideas flow and people are always eating or drinking--that somehow it will be calm, in order and quiet--or that somehow the work load will become lighter or that maybe if I ever get my act together, there will be peace and order, and more  time to focus on myself.

Somehow I thought that my training would transform my children into something supernatural. But though, all have matured, and I am so blessed that they love us and love the Lord, all are very much the same and have the same personality issues and antics. The mix of all of us together is dramatic--never a dull moment.

My role as a mother has grown with my children, but the responsibilities and time consumed  has never lessened.

After all these years, I have realized that my years have always been busy.  I am in more demand as a mom than ever, because my children still need my voice and advice and love and time as they enter into a very challenging world.

Yet, now, when my house is full of the life of all of us together, my heart is filled. We are together. This is the family where I belong. We have shared memories, same tastes in movies, books, traditions--years invested --invisible chords that tie our hearts together. We care about one another in ways that no one else in the world cares.

The ride is still an adventure, but somewhere along the way, I learned to hang on and now I am even enjoying the ride.

During the holidays, as I tucked Joy into bed, she commented, "Our family can be overwhelming, Mom! But I am so glad that everyone is here. I would rather have the wildness, the messes, the noise with all of us together and loving each other, than for it to always be calm with no one here to share life! This is really going to be the best Christmas!”

And so my wish to you is, that you will be able to enjoy the ride, the journey, the days--even if it is not picture perfect, today, this year, and remember that the adventure is worth the ride.

And I commend Rachael and Nathan, not to have a perfect family story, but one lived well and worth the telling to generations to come! And so, after a long sleep--tired from returning from the Texas conference, I will get up, plan the final details of the rehearsal dinner, and look forward to this week, when our noisy, imperfect clan will all be together again--and I will invite Rachael into our history to begin her own chapter with my precious Nathan! Onward!

Goodbye, Boring Greens. Hello, Fun, Colorful Salad!

Brandee and Sally

I have had some health issues of late, including respiratory, skin cancers, several repeated surgeries and just lots of exhaustion. A couple of times since my early 40's, I have taken time to focus on restoring my body with serious focus. A couple of weeks ago, I attended a health institute for a week long cleanse and rest--one of the best decisions I have made in a long time. In the most busy season of the year, (3 national conferences, a wedding, blogs and a book due April 1!) But, caring for myself is essential to my being healthy long term to be able to give more to my family, friends and ministry.

Now, I have never seen so much green in my whole life in one week--green drinks, fresh wheat grass juiced twice a day, salad, fresh veggies--green, green, green! But, taking time to refresh and getting back to some extreme ideals for at least a little while feels good!

But one of the things I have been doing since I got home, and have tried to do for many years, is to have at least one very veggie-loaded green salad every day! I raised my children on these salads--and though they had seasons of liking and not liking them, now all of them, as adults, eat lots of salads--and love them. I asked a sweet friend of mine to share some of her thoughts about salads as she is the best cook, has great salad dressing recipes and is working slowly with me on a book about our favorite meals and how to make feasting a great celebratory part of your life. So enjoy our pictures of our own salad art--that the kids love--and eat your greens and enjoy better health!

Love, love fresh tomatoes of every kind marinated in olive oil with garlic, fresh basil, sea salt and spread on small crackers or toasted homemade bread!

"Eat your greens!"

I can hear my mom’s voice echo through my head on a daily basis. Why is it that something so delicious can also seem so monotonous to eat? Perhaps it’s a lack of variety, or maybe you think that it’s just not as good as your favorite restaurant makes it.  After all, the dressing is homemade and they have someone to cut up all those veggies into enjoyable bite size pieces! While healthy eating is crucial to our well balanced lifestyles, we can't encourage our children to eat the foods that we find boring ourselves.

With a little prep work, you could have amazing salad options waiting for you on the other side of your refrigerator door. Your very own salad bar! God created food for pleasure and for sustenance.

Instead of putting salad in a bowl, I put main dish salads on large glass trays--Joy and Sarah and Rachael loved my food centerpiece!

Try your hand at creating your own salad bar this week and don’t forget to ask the family what they like in their salads too! Here are some tips & dressing recipes to get you going.

Optional Ingredients for Salad Bar:

Lettuce - romaine, spinach, red & green leaf, cabbage, arugula, iceburg, kale, spring mix, etc.

Veggies & Fruit - broccoli, cauliflower, cucumber, tomato, avocado, sweet peppers, jicama, artichoke hearts, carrots, celery, beets, corn,  peas, broccoli, onion - red, white, green, edemame, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, apples, pears, oranges, nectarines, pomegranate, kiwi, etc.

Herbs - parsley, cilantro, dill, chives, basil, mint, etc.

Protein -  chicken, beef, salmon, tuna, beans - white, kidney, pinto, black, garbanzo, hard boiled eggs, quinoa, nuts - cashews, almonds, pecans, walnuts, pine nuts, seseme seeds, chia seeds, cheese - parmesan, colby jack, cheddar, havarti, goat, feta, mozzarella, etc.

Large sprouts, tomatoes, cucumbers, roasted almonds, onions, lettuce, goat cheese, garlic and seasoned quinoa--with oil and lemon dressing. Joy and I loved this!

GARDEN HERB RANCH DRESSING (Makes 2 cups dressing, divide if needed)

1/2 teaspoon dry mustard or dijon mustard 1/4 teaspoon cold water 3/4 cup mayonnaise 1 cup buttermilk or milk or half n half 3/4 cup sour cream 1T tablespoon apple cider vinegar 1/2 tablespoon thinly-sliced scallions/green onion 2 teaspoons minced garlic 2 teaspoons minced fresh italian parsley 1/2 teaspoon worcestershire sauce 1 teaspoon minced fresh or dry dill 1/4 teaspoon minced fresh or dry oregano 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground pepper 1/4 teaspoon minced fresh or dry basil * I put in about 1/4 cup of fresh cilantro - optional *I put in 1/2 avocado too - optional Blend together in blender or with hand mixer and refrigerate until ready to use {lasts up to 2 weeks}.

 

So fun when it is beautiful. I think God would approve!

 Honey - Lime Vinaigrette (Makes 1/2 cup)

1/3 cup fresh lime juice (substitute with lime juice concentrate if needed) 4 teaspoons honey 1 tablespoon rice vinegar 1/8 teaspoon salt Blend together with hand mixer or just shake in jar with tight fitted lid {lasts up to 2 weeks}.

 Asian Ginger Dressing

2 - 3 cloves garlic 1- 2 T green onion 2 T minced ginger root 1/4 C soy sauce or amino acid 1/4 C sesame oil 1/2 C olive oil 1/4 C rice vinegar 2 T lime juice 3 T honey 1/4 C water *Toasted sesame seeds optional *Place into mixing bowl or large measuring cup and mix well with hand blender.

Another really simple way to beat the hassle and monotony is to make salad in a jar! Pick whichever day of the week seems to be the least hectic for you (perhaps Sundays) and make that your meal planning day. Gather all of those jars you've been saving, and prepare your salads for the week in advance! Be sure to dry the salad greens well. (spin them) and keep the wet things whole--tomatoes, etc. cut them when you dump them in a bowl. This will make it easy for you to bring the ingredients out for your at home salad bar, keep your fridge organized, and they also make really great salad lunches on the go for those busy days.

Get creative this week and enjoy your greens! What is your favorite salad?

{Enjoy a special Mommy Minute video from my sweet friend September McCarthy.{Enjoy a special Mommy Minute video from my sweet friend September McCarthy.}

Our Hidden Corners: Where God hides us through the storms

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evil-doers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though a war arise against me, In spite of this, I shall be confident...... For in the day of trouble, He will conceal me in His tabernacle; In the secret place of His tent, He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock." Psalm 27:1-5

 When Joy was a little girl, we had a strange little closet at the entrance of our bedroom. It was a small, angular room that was a bit awkward and not suitable to hold much. But Joy found a use for it: her own little hiding place! We hung a battery-operated lantern on a little nail on the wall, and she would take all of her stuffed animals and her beloved blanket inside to hide, pretend, and play for hours. When I read this verse ... “In the day of trouble, he will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of his tent, He will hide me ...” it reminds me of this wonderful hiding place of Joy's--a safe place from the outside world, where no one could find her; hidden in our room, safe from all the visitors who came to our house.

It seems I am surrounded by women who are in the midst of very difficult circumstances--hurting marriages, rebellious children, family members who are very ill, economic crises, broken relationships, and hurtful misunderstandings in friendships. I so wish I could somehow make all of these difficulties go away, knowing the deep struggles  many are experiencing during the dark times of life. Sometime over the course of many years, though, I’ve realized that I never really had a realistic picture of just what it meant to live in a fallen world. This, earth, is the broken place. Heaven is the place where we will see justice and wrongs being righted and healing and deep, bubbling-over happiness and freedom from the burdens of life. Here...not so much.

The other day, I was talking with my children and one said, "You know, it seems like people think that our family is so sweet and perfect, that it is easy for us to be good and make right choices, and that things have been easier for us than for their families. I wish everyone could see that the beauty of our lives and the messages we all talk about is a result of mounting up over difficulties, having faith in the darkest of times, putting up with impossible circumstances and difficult relationships. We have had to light candles of faith in the darkness and inconsistencies of our lives. I hate having people just think we are naturally sweet and good--they don't know the journey of faith it has cost us."

At heart, I am a very fearful person. So often, I awaken at night after only a few hours of sleep and the first feeling I experience is fear--fear of the future, a lack of finances, worry regarding my children, and so on. Yet I am learning so much, even now, about the importance of mounting up over fear by faith.

As I study the stories of scripture, it is obvious that when people looked at their obstacles in life--the storms, giants, battles--that they became fearful and useless and defeated. But when they looked at God Himself instead of their fears, they became strong and conquered in the midst of their battles, storms and difficulties. Peter saw Jesus walking on water and started out toward him, actually walking on water too! But when he turned his eyes to the waves, he became scared and began to fall.

The only way I have found peace and assurance and confidence in life was to let Him hide me in the corners of His tent--to let Him fight my battles, to submit to His will, and to say, "You be my defender and provider, because I am your child." Fixing the eyes of my heart on Him, on His face, on His integrity of character and strength, is the only way I could live by faith and not by fear.

And so throughout life, it is in resting in His presence and strength and power and goodness that will put our hearts at rest. It is only when we patiently face the storms confiding, "This is too big for me to handle, but I am asking you to handle it for me," and then learn to wait--and sometimes wait and wait and wait!--that we will see His purpose, ways and yes, salvation from our storms. I wish I had learned at a much earlier age not to struggle so and worry and fret--it did me no good, and now I see how very faithful God was--He just didn't always do it my way!

 If you have the desire to take your study deeper today, take a few moments to complete the reflection and application below:

• Where are your eyes? On Jesus? or on the storm? Hebrews 12:2-3 says for us, "fixing our eyes on Jesus--(looking to Him, trusting in Him, depending on Him!), who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him (ponder Him, understand His life, His sufferings) who has endured such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart."

• “But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” Matthew 6:6 Do you have a secret place like Joy’s? It might not be an awkward closet and perhaps not filled with teddy bears, but it can be so helpful to have a spot set aside specifically for drawing away from the world and meeting with Jesus.

The Hidden years are the most crucial and precious in writing a Great Story of Life

Cinderella  Val Princep  around 1880

"He who is faithful in small things is faithful in much."

Though Cinderella, worked faithfully and patiently, with no one to notice, there was yet a princess residing inside of her, and in time, she lived into her real heritage--becoming royalty for the rest of her life.

Even fairy tales often reflect the truth of of Life.

Often, as we raise our little ones, our lives are filled with myriad tasks of nursing and rocking our children to sleep with sweet lullabies. Then there are the dirty diapers to deal with, the cries of our precious ones in the middle of the night.

Toddlers resist and we gently train them over and over again. Siblings quarrel and we teach them the ways of love, forgiveness, patience, kind words. Then there are the teen years when young adults strain to become independent and mamas have to choose to be long-suffering and pursue in love.

Year after weary year, we teach them about God's ways, His love. We subdue our homes again and again to make them a haven for life--filled with color, beauty, interest, traditions, even as God created the Garden, gave His children instruction through the Law, provided them with a land, gaven them food and protection against an army.

We labor day after day, month upon month, seeking Him to give more wisdom, renewed strength when we feel to weary to keep going. But somehow, His spirit shapes us as we shape a generation for His glory. And we are able to take one more step of obedience and pour out His unconditional love and wisdom to children who are not always aware of our sacrifice, until they are older. Yet, the seeking to give wisdom, excellence and holiness to our children builds our own souls, one day, one moment at a time. Our holiness matures and our hearts become flavored with His beauty, graciousness through each act of our own obedience given in the quiet and seclusion of our own home.

Often, we think that no one sees us, no one notices. How could it matter if we are invisible?

But, God is watching. God is building an invisible heritage that will indeed outlast our lives.

God painted the picture of patience, waiting, faithfulness through all of our years colorfully through the stories of so many in scripture:

Joseph had a dream of leading his brothers where they bowed down to him. But the training grounds of his becoming the head over all of Egypt was hard labor for a land owner, where he was accused wrongly of adultery. Then 10 more years being faithful in prison.

David was anointed to become the king of all Israel, but did not become king over both kingdoms for around 20 years of wondering in the wilderness, running away in battle after battle.

Abraham was called the Father of all Israel and promised countless generations would come from his own son, but had to wait until he was old before He became a Father of a son, who would make him the Father of the Nation Israel.

Paul was confronted by Christ on the road to Damascus, but he was secluded away for 15 years before he had a public ministry.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, was called and then lived faithfully for many, many years, only to watch her son be crucified, but then resurrected.

When I was asked to speak in China, a number of years ago, because Mission of Motherhood had been translated into the two Chinese languages, I gladly accepted. Picturing speaking in a small underground church of some sort, I prepared messages to speak to a small group of faithful believers. However, the first place I was taken by my Chinese hosts was to an auditorium of 500, packed to the gills, at the University of Beijing.

As I looked around, I realized that all of my Chinese cohorts on stage had graduated from either Harvard or MIT. In fear, I pondered in my heart, "What am I doing here? Do they know I am just an ordinary person, a mom who has homeschooled, raised her children as best I could for His glory,  and cared for my children in my home for the past 26 years."

God whispered into my heart. "I was building your message and integrity and conviction in the hidden places of your home while you raised your children. Your integrity was built in the hidden years. Now, you are qualified to speak on family, the importance of motherhood, building character, because your messages were built before me when no one else saw, but I was there."

"I planned China before you even became a mom."

"China needs someone to tell them how to value families, children, the shaping of morality, the foundations of wisdom and greatness that must be built one day at a time. Who better to train them than a mother who has raised her family on faith, Biblical wisdom and love. You are qualified because I have called you and you obeyed, by raising your children faithfully when it seemed no one was watching."

My messages and life-conviction and wisdom was built in the hidden years.

And so, who you are, the choices of faith and faithfulness you make,when no one is looking, is a picture of your integrity.

The choices of faith and love in the midst of the whirlwind of life, is shaping your story, moment by moment, day by day. Never despise the day of small things because it is the shaping of your life story that will be told for generations to come.

The value of the hidden years is priceless. Now, this moment, is the day of your potential glory, if you practice being faithful and worship Him through each tiny service of loving and raising your precious ones for the sake of His glory.

May God give you the grace to see His fingerprints in your life, the shadow of His presence in every minute of your eternal work in your home. For today is the day you are writing your story, that your children will read for many years to come.

Shaping A Heart For Him {Happy Valentine's Day!}

"As parents, we do not always express our love for our children according to biblical principles and patterns. Occasionally one of us will "lose it" and unload verbally on our kids. Like when mom gives work assignments three times that don't get done. Or when dad finds his tools left in the yard overnight in the rain.

Like most normal parents, we have our "bad discipline" days when our gentle, sympathetic, loving spirits seem to go into hiding. Fortunately, our children know it's a passing phase (although they do get very obedient very quickly on those days). We recover quickly because we know their hearts, and they know ours." -Educating The Wholehearted Child

Over the years, countless mothers have asked me what the big secret is. How did all four of my very different, unique children end up living passionately in their own arenas pursuing a life that glorifies God? If your children will grow up to go out into the world and live a life for the Lord, it must start in your home.

Home discipleship is shaping your child's heart to live for God. It is taking the sensitivity you have cultivated in their spirit to know God and experience His life and building on that to help them to know more about God's truth and what it truly means to live for Him. Discipleship, ultimately, is the process of beginning to walk on God's path of life and to follow Christ. Although it will involve studies and reading and perhaps even some curriculum, it is at its core a relational process, just as it was in Jesus' day.

The difference is, now, you as the parent play the role of Jesus. You are inviting your children to walk with you and with Jesus, who lives within you, so they can begin to follow, learn from, and become Christlike. Your children are not your disciples-you are both disciples of Jesus, learning together to follow him and be like him. And when that happens, you have cultivated home discipleship.

You will be able to shape the hearts of your children through relationship with them. Each and every day will not be perfect, sometimes on their side, sometimes on yours. However, when you are walking with your children and doing life together, being disciples of Jesus together, your family foundation will be one of love and hearts for Him.

His love, through you, in the midst of grace in the midst of mistakes, will fill in all the cracks.

Fill their hearts with discipleship so that they may desire a life with God. Give your children extra love today, and

Happy Valentine's Day!

Nathan Told Me He Didn't Believe in God (And What I Told Him)

http://youtu.be/GBZu8Y3NwD4

Today's article is from the heart of my very talented, almost married son, Nathan. He wrote and sang the vocals in the beautiful song above, his fiancee, Rachael, sang the harmony, and my other son, Joel, so wonderfully arranged it. Read Nathan's story below, and take the time to listen and share his song!

I waited with a worried heart and a furrowed brow for my parents to come and say goodnight. Usually it was a quick prayer and quick “love you goodnight!”- but tonight I had something to tell them that had been burning a hole in my heart.

I could feel knots in my ten year old stomach, while I unknowingly wrapped my fingers tighter and tighter around my sheets.

On the walls around me hung pictures and poster of heroes and great figures standing tall representing the strength a young man's heart longs for, but tonight I didn’t feel strong or brave, as yet another distressing wave of doubt came over me.

The door swung gently open and my parents entered ready to send me off to bed as they prepared to end their day. After a short prayer and a pat on the leg they prepared to leave when suddenly I said “stop, I need to tell you something”. 

Gently concerned, they turned back around and asked me what was on my mind. A bit of fear welled up within me mixed with a twinge of shame as I took a breath and let it come out “I don’t know if I believe in God." The words hung in the air and the silence was almost more than I could bare. Then I felt the gentle hand of my mother rest again on my leg as the worry left her face and a sleight smile came over her face, “That’s okay."

Astonished that my mother, the most godly woman I have ever known, so nonchalantly took in stride my doubt of God, I replied puzzled... “It is?”

“Of course” She said “Every true believer will have doubts and questions about God, that’s very normal, when I first met Jesus, I know I did. You are a great boy Nathan, and I have no doubt you’ll be a great man.” And with one more “Goodnight I love you”, my parents gently left the room taking the weight of the world I had been carrying, with them.

That night my parents gave me something amazing, through their allowance of my doubts they gave me the ability to know God on a greater scale than I could have ever known him while having a faux faith forced upon me.  

Whenever I would have doubts, having felt the freedom to communicate with my parents about them she would tell me “Don’t worry Nathan you remind me of the great biblical hero Jacob, who wrestled God”, “I do” I would ask wondering how? “Yes” she would say “And that’s a great thing, because wrestling is a full contact sport and when we wrestle with God we are in communion with him, which is ALWAYS a good thing."

The song above was written years after that night in my bedroom, miles away from my parents in a small apartment in Hollywood. I had been going through a time of doubt and struggle with God, not unlike the struggle I faced when I was ten. I wanted to put all my fears and doubts into a song but felt a pause thinking maybe, I shouldn’t doubt God and just pretended to be okay. But then suddenly I could again hear my mother's words echoing through the confines of my minds memories “Wrestling with God is a GOOD thing, wrestling is a full contact sport, and as long as we are in contact with God you have nothing to worry about."

So with a pure heart, I wrote an honest song to God that ultimately brought me even closer to my creator.

That night in my bedroom, my parents gave me a gift. They gave me the gift of allowing me to doubt, struggle and fight, because they knew that is who God had created me to be. And because they allowed me to wrestle with God, they by default allowed me to be in full contact with him.

I encourage you, wrestle with God, doubt, struggle and be brutally honest with Him, He can take it, and doesn’t mind at all- when you do this you just might find that engaging in the full contact sport with your creator will bring you closer to God than you ever might have thought.

If you would like to download Nathan's song on iTunes click here. If you would like to download Nathan's song on Amazon click here.

Are you raising warriors or refugees?

Nathan, a warrior for His kingdom, bringing light , beauty and innocence into the dark places  of Hollywood.

"Sally, how can I be sure that my children won't be tempted by all the evil in the world," a sweet mama asked me.

"You can't." I replied. Part of your job as a mom is not to hide them from the world and scare them about what is in the world, but to arm them with the purpose of becoming a warrior for God's kingdom in dark places, so that they will not be overcome or surprised by the challenges they will encounter as adults."

Warrior, running toward the battle to take ground for God's kingdom.

Refugee--running away from the battle and seeking to escape engaging in the fray.

My children's stories definitely stretched me--but God was with me and He was my protector and guide through each step of the journey.

"What, Nathan? You want to move to New York City and attend the film academy? You are only 19--it is a difficult place? You really want us to pray about this?!"

"I do not ask you to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one." Jesus, about His disciples, in John 17: 15

And so send him, we did. And Joel and Sarah to Cambridge, Joel to Boston for school, Sarah to Oxford, and trusted them to God's call on their lives--and Joy to an out of state college.

Not too long ago, a friend whispered to me at a conference, "Sally, there are all sorts of women that I know who attend your conferences because they are encouraged, but they are criticizing you behind your back. They are asking the question, 'How did the Clarksons allow their son to move to Hollywood, such a wicked place,  if they have such high moral ideals?' They think you are living a compromise to your life as a Christian."

I am not surprised at statements like these. We get them all the time. I have always told my children that if you stand up to lead, you automatically become a target.

Yet, I also understand the concerns of these people who are criticizing us.

I have also been criticized for over-protecting my children. But the over-protection was for shaping their foundations when they were young and vulnerable. (keeping them innocent, giving them g-rated hero stories, giving them protection from peers whose values are worldly at a young age so they can develop their own foundations--before sending them out!) Keeping them loving what is good, true, honest.--And then as they begin to ask questions and grow and learn and show maturity--you take them with you in ministry, little by little, was the philosophy we followed.

I did not ask God to send my children into difficult, morally challenging arenas. But I did ask Him to help Clay and me build them into godly leaders who would take His light to a dark world. And, since they are adults and we released them into God's hands to follow what road He put on their heart, (with input from us all along the way), I spend a lot of time on my knees every day and ask for God to guide, intervene and protect my children.

Yet, I think at some point in the Christian life, regardless of  peers, our church's stand, our friend's opinions, blogs, loud voices giving pontificating statements, we must decide just who we think Jesus is and how His life and words should influence the way we live and the choices we make.  There are few radical Christians and yet,  He calls us to live radically--even if that means staying at home with your children to disciple them or serving Him in in the world in an unusual places--we must follow Him, not anyone else.

Jesus does not call us to a safe life--but to follow His life.

Jesus, the exact image of God, related to prostitutes and offered them a clean slate of forgiveness, and allowed them to touch Him and wash His feet.

Jesus, touched the infirm and contaminated--the lepers, the woman who was unclean, the blind, the sick.

Jesus looked out on the multitudes not with condemnation, but with compassion and told us to pray that God would send laborers into the harvest. He also sent His disciples into the world to redeem it.

Jesus did not exalt and affirm the Pharisees who had rules and laws for everything and stayed away from the "wicked" folk. Instead, he told the parable of the Good Samaritan, one of the "unacceptable" from a religious point of view, but the only one who was able to please God. He honored because he got involved,  because he lived in a compassionate way and gave of his life to save the beaten man, a victim of thieves, unlovely and in the dirt.

I think serving Jesus will, at some point, make all of us uncomfortable.

And so, I had to confront my own belief in what I thought was most Biblical in philosophy for raising children.

I wanted an Anne of Green Gables life that was safe, protected and always g-rated. But, that is not the world God into which He placed me.

So I had to consider, "What is your will for my children." He answered, "To follow Jesus to the cross, to be willing to give up their lives to redeem the world for His glory--to become a warrior for Christ's kingdom.

A warrior is one who sees the battle in his land, and is willing to sacrifice his life to protect those he loves, to save them from harm and to engage the enemy in battle. Battle is rough, costly, difficult and requires sacrifice for the sake of the people who are being warred against.

Now a refugee, on the other hand, is one who runs away from the battle, in order to protect himself or his loved ones. When there is no defense against the enemy, often, people are forced to flee. But in fleeing away from the battle, they leave no impact, no defense, for those left in the wake of the raging enemy army.

Often I see parents who raise their children to run away from the cultural battles and to stay far off from those who are lost and broken and who have scars and difficulties. They find it easy to criticize those who are engaged in bringing the light of Christ into the arena of darkness--this is the place in which our family receives criticism.

I will admit that the world can be a very fearful place to be. And I spend a whole lot of time in prayer for my young, idealistic warriors!

But, God has asked me, as a mom,  to live by faith, not to look to the limitations of my own life and this wicked world we live in, but to the God who tells us to overcome evil with good, to remain faithful, to endure.

So, as a mom, I had to ask, "Would He have me do anything less than send my own children, as God sent His own son, into the world to redeem dark places?"

And so when we read in the Psalms,

"Praise be to the LORD my Rock,who trains my hands for war,my fingers for battle.

He is my loving God and my fortress,my stronghold and my deliverer,my shield, in whom I take refuge,

who subdues peoples under me." Psalm 144: 1-2,

we would pray with our children.  "Lord, these are your children created by you with a personality and a purpose. Train our children for the spiritual warfare in which they will engage. Prepare them for the battles they will confront. Be their fortress, their stronghold, deliverer and shield. They are not ours to hold on to, but ours to prepare for your kingdom purposes."

Depending on what you decide, preparing one to run away from the battle or to engage in the battle, will require a very different parenting philosophy.

But as for the Clarksons, we will seek to engage in the battle, and rub shoulders with the lost, because we cannot do other than what our Lord and savior showed us to do--to go into the world to make disciples, to see the multitudes with compassion and to become workers in the Harvest field of the world.

Nathan has chosen to answer the call of God and engage the warrior story that was written on his heart. Recently, he has written a study with the 10 aspects of what it means to become a hero. You can find his book here (available in print or on Amazon).

Becoming A Wise Woman With Wise Words

"Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

"Mama, do you still love me when I make such stupid mistakes?" My sweet one, many years ago,  was curled up on the couch in an almost fetal position, regretting something she has done and condemning herself over and over again for not refraining from the foolish behavior.

"I love you if you had made 10,000 mistakes. I love you because you are mine. I love you even for the mistakes you will make the rest of your life. You are so precious to me, I can hardly refrain from kissing your sweet head a million times right now."

A tiny smile curled her lips. I stroked her hair and told her that God's love became more precious to me each day, because the older I got, the more I sinned, even when I wish I could be good, and the more it made me love Him for His gracious love.

A wise mama give words of life--practices planting seeds of love through the words she aims at the hearts of her children.

Our mother's mothers said it to them, our mothers told us, and we tell our children:

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. While we have heard and said this many times, it is not only true, but biblical.

"Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin." -Proverbs 13:3

Excusing our offensive, unsolicited opinions with comments like "no offense" is still offensive, friends. Our culture has made it quite easy and comfortable for us to hide behind computer screens, iPhones, and iPads, offering out our every thought on blogs and social media with no immediate consequences and no tear-filled eyes staring back at us. What a different world we would live in if instead of viewing every thought that runs through our minds as something we are entitled to share, we took every thought captive out of obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Are your words building the kingdom of God, being used as a tool and source of encouragement, and making someone's day? Or are your words causing pain, destruction, and breaking someone's day? Often times, people say "the truth hurts." As women in today's culture, we do have the power and influence to hurt others with our words. However, wise, godly women use their words to bless, to teach truth, to instruct, to encourage, to love, to support, and to nourish the broken.

An amazing tool that we have with the tongue is to speak truth that doesn't hurt. Truth that brings light, joy, and inspiration to those around us. In order for us to be able to teach our children the importance of the impact of our words, we must walk it out ourselves. One of the ways that we allow our frustrations, disappointments, and insecurities to manifest is through negative, cutting words. Through our gossip and breaking others down, we build this unhealthy habit that becomes a cycle. When we make someone else feel small, it makes us feel big for a moment. We live in a generation where gossip, rumors, and lie-filled tabloids are considered normal. Even worse-gossiping & cutting others down has turned into a “bonding experience” for many women. Proverbs 15:2 tells us: "The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness."

We must teach our children that gossip is unacceptable, but before they will accept this value, you must ask yourself:How are you speaking to your children? What words are used in your home? It starts with you.

Proverbs 31 says, "When she speaks, she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly."

I encourage you to have Christlike, blessed conversation this week in your home, and outside your home. Remember that when you speak from a kind, gentle heart, your message is far more likely to be well received and accepted than when you speak out of anger and coldness.

Feel free to share the memory verse below:

To take your study further today, complete the application below in your journal. How do you speak to your children? With a gentle voice? Do you look them in the eye and honor them with your attention? Do you seek to give life when you speak your words? Do you seek to pass on the beauty and love of God with the ways you speak to your husband, children, friends?