All Mamas: Give Your Home and Homeschooling A Heartbeat! & The seminar video is up!

"If I could only encourage mothers to follow one principle of wisdom in their relationship with their children, it would be that of cultivating fervent, intimate love with each of their children. When children feel loved and cherished by the parents who brought them into the world, they have enduring stability and security that provides them with groundwork for understanding the God of the universe who so loves us. Love is the most important foundation for learning to believe in God." -Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

I am convinced that a child who feels his mother does not love him or have his heart in mind, cannot learn well and will not be as easy to motivate. The Bible uses the word heart 725 times. The heart is the place a person is inspired, catches vision, and it is the seat of belief and faith. A wise mom will realize that education, motivation, inspiration to excellence and greatness lies in reaching the heart.

But if the mama does not cultivate her own heart of gentleness, love, patience, words of affirmation, trusting the Holy Spirit to work in her children's lives, bringing the heart of God into the picture---then she will be left with gutting it out in her home and in homeschool. If we lead with a heart sensitive to the values of God, then we have a great capacity to influence almost anyone.

Often, moms tell me that their children are impossible to teach. I always have to say, "Have you filled the emotional cup of your child? Does your child believe that you like who he is? Does your child think that you are more concerned about her ideas, thoughts and over all well-being or does she think you just want her performance? Works and laws just drive children further away from being teachable. God has entrusted mothers to subdue a very important task--to be life givers, to bring beauty, to maintain the home domain, and to ultimately be the heart of the home. This may sound like an ideal with impossible expectations, but it is not only necessary, but practical as well.

The connection of a mother and child is deeply physical, emotional, and even spiritual. By God's design, children will always sense at some level a special connection to their mother that gives her a unique voice and influence in their lives and hearts. If properly cultivated, developed, and understood within the context of God-given personality drives, it is a powerful source of influence. Homeschooling mothers, you have the unique opportunity to be the relational heartbeat of your family as you interact with your children. Being home throughout the day with your children, you have nearly constant access to their hearts.

Having a heart for your children means accepting their God-given personality.

Laughing at their jokes (especially if they are boys!), having compassion for their tears. It means not belittling them, or shaming them, but believing in their hopes and dreams, even if there is a pile of dishes in the sink. And also believing that they will eventually be able to learn their multiplication tables! Believe in them, believe in their potential--do not give them a voice in their head that you doubt them or believe them to be bad.

If you love and accept them unconditionally as Jesus accepts you, you will prepare their hearts to believe in God's love because they have experienced it from you.

However, your influence as a mom, or homeschooling mama, won't come from obsessing over reading all of the right books on motherhood, listening to the latest parenting experts, using the "best" homeschooling materials, or being the best homemaker--in short, checking off all the right boxes. It will come from your faithfulness and because your "mom heart" is open to God and seeking His will. It is in the moments of godly influence in your children's hearts that will make you the heart of the home.

Being this faithful mother may seem like an idealistic goal, but it is a very realistic challenge. Homeschooling is demanding and constant with little time off. The reality of homeschooling is that God is asking you to become a servant to your children-to be willing to sacrifice your time, body, energy, and expectations for them. It takes your willingness and intention to become the heart of the home and to give your homeschooling a heartbeat.

Your faithfulness and willingness simply means you saying:

"I can do all things through him who gives me strength!" -Philippians 4:13

Being the heart of your home is having God's heart for your family and serving their hearts for God. How can you create a heartbeat in your home today?

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For more encouragement and inspiration, you will enjoy this course on Weaving the Love of Learning in your Home.

Register HERE

Register HERE

Joel is a miracle maker and retrieved all the information and our own video  and added his music! I hope you will enjoy it and be encouraged. Let me know if you think this is a good way to gather for encouragement--especially for sweet mamas who cannot attend the conferences.

(For those of you who have wondered, the conference company we hired lost their recording connection Monday afternoon and forgot to inform us of the inability to record our conference as promised. We had to add our own small camera on the spot, tape it, download it for 24 hours and then edit it. God was so gracious to allow this to all come together! Kinda like life--We live somewhere between ideals and real life! Onward in His grace!)

It is uploaded for those of you who registered! You will get an email in your inbox that will give you the link to the video where you can watch it!

For those of you who have asked if you can still watch it, we will offer it for the next few weeks.

For those of you who originally attended the course, you have received information in your inbox of how you may watch it again.

If you wish to do so, you can download the video as well as just watch it, though keep in mind that at an hour-and-a-half, it is a very large file, and download times may be quite lengthy. (it took us 24 hours.) So you may just want to watch it.

We appreciate all of you honoring the copyright laws. Please do not give your friends the pass code to the video, or put it anywhere online publicly as this is copyrighted material.   It is only for those who registered. Thanks for supporting our ministry projects with your participation and protection of this video privacy.

VERY IMPORTANT: If you originally registered and paid to attend the seminar, you DO NOT need to buy this video again. An email was sent out to all registrants detailing how to download the video. If you did not receive that message, please email us at mail.homeforgood@gmail.com, and we will verify your registration and send you the link. (If you opted out of receiving any more emails, you will have to write homeforgood@gmail.com and let them know you would still like to receive the code, as they honored your request.)

Blessings, blessings and blessings come to you from all of us at our family entity, Home for Good and from Whole Heart Ministries. We hope to bring you more opportunities for conferences and resources to strengthen your families soon.

ACTS of Prayer (Encompassing the whole world!)

"Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen." Matthew 6:9-13

Traveling and living in many parts of the world has been a great blessing to me. It has helped me to understand that God is not American. Through interacting with so many wonderful people from nations all over the world, my values have been broadened, my convictions expanded and my soul enriched. God's eye is on the whole world today and He watches over all the issues in every nation. (Travel was one of my purposed goals for our children as we wanted them to taste the world and have compassion on the needs of other cultures--so we saved and scrimped to be able to fill this goal!)

Therefore, our prayers before His throne must be in light of His transcending purposes in history beyond our own borders.

Still, He listens to us with all of us in our concerns right where we live! This is just part of why I love coming to Him in the spirit of His prayer shared here in Matthew 6. His will encompasses all of history and everything that must happen to accomplish His purposes. So in the spirit of humility, we come to Him with our prayers to seek His will and His grace, knowing that somehow, mysteriously, He allows those prayers to influence issues that take place. He does listen; He does respond; and He is our High Priest who prays alongside us, helping us to do His will.

For many years, Clay has used this acronym to guide our family in prayer. We call it the ACTS of Prayer.

A--Adore Him. Coming before Him puts us in the right frame of mind–acknowledging his greatness and power as we come into His presence with our requests. A good place to start is Psalm 145, especially verses 8-21. We take time to praise Him for some of the attributes mentioned there.

 C--Confess our sin. We come to Him to humble ourselves, asking His forgiveness for our own sins as well as for those of the church of Christ and our nation. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Daniel confessing the sins of his whole nation is our model.

 T—Thanksgiving. This is where we remember what He has done personally to lead us, provide for us, and answer our prayers. We humbly recognize His great care. Psalm 95:1-3 gives us the pattern.

 S–Supplication. We ask God to hear our requests and to answer what is on our hearts, according to His will. “Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you.”

Our world offers us plenty of opportunity to worry, to become anxious, to despair over where our nation is headed or whether the next generation will serve God. Economic concerns trouble many and relationships always present their own difficulties. When we come to Him asking for Him to work in our nations, let us ask for Him to bring righteousness, knowing that righteousness exalts a nation. We need to be careful to live our own lives righteously! When crisis brings us to fear or catastrophes happen or national needs arise, these issues always put us in the place we should have been all along—on our knees before Him.

Times of crisis help us to understand that we are not in control of our lives and force us to cry out to Him. He always wants us to seek Him and to ask for His will to be done--but times like these require it and help us put the concerns of life in proper perspective. May all of us who believe around the world humbly seek His power and grace for our nations and for His strength and glory to be more clearly seen.

When we spend time in prayer, He fills us with His own love and peace.

 If you would like to take your study deeper today, complete the reflection and application below:

• “ … and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:5 Are you carrying many burdens? Write down the things that concern you, using the written page as an offering to the Lord. Ask Him to show you where you can offer thanks for good things you might not see on the surface. Dedicate the things that concern you to Him and ask for His love to be poured out within your heart!

• “Lord, teach us to pray ...” Luke 11:1 Have you taken time to teach your children how to pray? Share this acronym with them and use it to pray together!

Weaving a love for learning into the fabric of your home ! A Home Education Conference for you!

God designed mothers to be those who would inspire, shape and civilize the next generation of adults into healthy, vibrant, righteously strong individuals. The Home was to be a laboratory of life that would provide the atmosphere where genius could be cultivated, creativity and confidence imagined and excellence of character to be taught and practiced.

Yet, this role has lost the imagination of our culture and often women get lost in the many confusing voices of culture. A clear vision as to how to regain the inspiration for what a home can be is needed.   How God will use the home to transform the world as moms intentionally do the eternal work of building families is essential.

In homes, children can learn at their own pace, live within the design of their personality and have time to grow strong in the atmosphere of love as moms recapture a vision for what a home was meant to be.

Join me tonight as we discuss how to use your home as a platform for building the hearts, minds and souls for your children with the grace and blessing that God intended.

I am so excited to have each of you who have signed up for the e-conference to be with me tonight. We shall have a grand evening together!

There will be a live chat box from women all over the world during the conference, so you will be able to see the issue on other women's hearts!

There are a couple quick notes for those of you who have had questions about viewing the conference.

First, we want to encourage those of you who have been waiting to register to go ahead and sign up for the conference. The registration is filling up quickly, and we will have to close it when we reach capacity. 

We have been researching webinars, e-conferences and many sites in the past couple of months to find what we hope will be a better venue for online speaking events in the future. We hope to be reaching and having more opportunities to encourage moms all over the world and to fund projects that will help women in other countries, as well as here at home! Thanks for registering and helping us do this.

The cost of registration for the e-conference is discounted but will go up in price $3 after tonight, so make sure to head over to the e-conference registration page to purchase it now, to get in on the discount price.

On that note, for those of you who will not be able to join us during the conference itself, we will be offering a video of the conference for purchase and download following the event in the next couple of days. An announcement will be made about that video in the days after the event, so make sure to watch for this option on Itakejoy.

For those of you who have purchased the conference already, there will be an option for you to also download the video after the conference is over. A message will be sent to the email address you used to sign up for the registration, with instructions about how to access the video.

Those who have registered will receive an email about what to expect tonight, when to show up so that hundreds of women don't all get on at the same moment. Be sure to print out the outline of notes to read during the seminar so you can follow along! You will receive instructions about how to join the conference online so you won't miss any of it.

We look so forward to a wonderful time of growing and learning with all of you  tonight! Remember: 6:00 Pacific; 7:00 Mountain; 8:00 Central; 9:00 Eastern.

Register HERE.                                                                                          So excited to see you tonight!

Sally

We only have this day to celebrate well! Today is the day to build memories

The dance of life goes on--one more generation anew will have their turn to make it beautiful.

“Teach us to number our days that we might present to you a heart of wisdom.”Psalm 90:12

No longer the door slamming as he runs into the house yelling, "Mama, you'll never guess what we did!" or "You'll never guess what I found! Mama, where are you?"

or

"Mama, will you sit here with me just for a minute to talk before I go to sleep. I want to tell you what I was thinking today."

or

Dinner table filled with teenagers, awash with hormones and ideals, discussing loudly their opinions about life with a, "Mama, you are the best cook! Can I have some more?"

Through all seasons, we whisk here and there in a hurry to "get it all done." But, I am in the, "before you know it, the early years of motherhood comes to an end, and you have no more days to enjoy your son as a child."

God speaks to us through nature and His own visual art. There is the promise of spring with flowers, blooms, that life is all aswirl with promise--a season of youthful idealism. The summer comes with the promise of fruit and the planting life all seeds that will bring life--the planting of all that is good in the hearts, souls and minds of our children quickly before the season changes again.

And so the seasons go with our children--baby, pre-school elementary, growing into young adult and then off to start his own life. I am so thankful I have so many, many great memories and times of friendship with Nathan--but I wish I had relaxed more and enjoyed looking into his little boy eyes and seeing the life that was sparkling there!

In splendid glory and bursting color, diversity in every form, autumn teaches us that life is always changing--and that, whether we want it to happen or not, life will be changing soon.  Spring that God is the one who renews. Summer and winter, their own expressions of God. Life and this season right now, is about to change. Life passes quickly and each season  reminds us that one more year, journey, season is about to pass. Let us not waste the time in regret or in hurry.

This year, I intentionally made time, even when I did not feel like I had it, to make more memories--to live in the moments when I could share real life--look into their eyes, share in the deepest expression of their hearts  because I know the season was about to pass.

Driving on Sunday summer evenings, every week,  with the kids who were home, on our nearby country roads with music lists playing and shared creating toe-tapping hearts--became a favorite pass time this summer--every week a rhythm to stop life for a few minutes to say, "you are important--let's take this time together, away from the bother where life steals our moments. (--this one before a storm, where we saw a mama bear and cub!"

We sat in our white porch rockers and sipped tea every night and stayed until the sun set.

Morning breakfast on the roofed in back porch was where breakfast and the caffeine of choice was offered the moment a pajama'd child emerged from their bedroom.

We will never have this year, this day, this moment in which to invest again—it will be fleeting and over, as one spring marks another, one autumn tells of us another season or  year soon to be past.

Today is the day in which I may pour out love, Inspiration, Serving and touching hearts, Pointing in this moment of glory, the divine creator. Teaching what is true and right and good, Modeling faith.

The ministry of motherhood must be personal—back rubs, giggles, eyes really seeing into the face and soul of the one being listened to…

Our own traditions celebrated again and again--at no cost!

Sleeping out under the stars on our deck in sleeping bags

Hikes and picnics in the national forest

Eating each evening on our front porch to watch the aspen trees dance in the wind.

Evening walks each night and taking photographs of the sunset.

Every day, candle and music to celebrate eating together.

I knew that these were the memories, the life-pictures that were in the heart and mind of my Nathan when he would go to his life to begin the celebration of each season and he beginning of life as a husband, to carry on these traditions in his own home.

I understood, from his first days, that

A real, little human being, requires personal attention as a flower needs real water. 

We are those who are to water the garden of our children's souls that life may spring up every day anew and refreshed.

When this day is past, I must hope that I have used it well and invested wisely because I will never have it to live over again, and soon, very soon, the autumn of motherhood will remind us, that this season is almost over.

Remember: Only the wise can dance to the rhythm of life!

May you listen to the music of each season, and dance elegantly the dance God has granted you within your home.

(in my living room to remind me to dance to His rhythms every day!)

Blessings,today!

Home Education with Your Home in Mind! And an e-conference for you!

"Sally, would you please, please start speaking and writing on Home Schooling, again???"

This was the most often received request at our Mom Heart conferences this year. Because I love all mamas and love just encouraging them in their roles, I have, perhaps, neglected writing articles on home schooling. But, if you have been in my home or have read some of my books, you know that I think all mamas are educators and trainers.

But, I have been working on a live e-conference for you who want some refreshment this time of year about building foundations in your home that give life, inspiration, and energy to your role as a Home Schooling Mom. We are trying this as an experiment, as we want to serve all of you the best way we can through this blog, our conferences and our ministry. So you must let me know if this is of interest to you.

I loved, loved homeschooling my children and love who they have become. I home-schooled all of them from birth till they graduated from high school and pursued their own careers and school. By God's grace, they all love us, love God and have found affirmation and favor in their careers or educational pursuits, so I suppose I can now speak with some authority about how we did it in our home.

There is a way to homeschool that cooperates with the way God designed a home to be--and it will prepare and give strength to your children. So, join me in our e-conference next Monday night, March 10, at 7:00 mountain time. It will be live and last for 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours. There will be an opportunity for a few questions but I have lots and lots to share!

JOIN US FOR THE E-CONFERENCE:

Home-Centered Learning:

Weaving a Love of Learning Into the Fabric of Your Home

March 10th, at 7PM Mountain Time (8 Central, 9 Eastern, 6 Pacific!)

COST: $9.99

Click Here to Register!

This live e-conference will inspire you to cultivate a home of educational excellence; moral righteousness, spiritual inspiration and emotional health.

*In this 1 ½ hour seminar, you will learn how to establish your home as a place that gives life, beauty and inspiration to the hearts, minds and souls of your children.

*Giving practical foundations of love that give security, well-being, happiness and encourage social maturity

*Principles of Discipleship: reaching the hearts and minds of your children for God’s purposes

*Teaching a child how to think Biblically

*Building your Child’s mental and intellectual strength

*Providing your children with heroes, role models and stories that will captivate their imagination

*Passing on a heart for ministry by giving your children opportunities to serve.

*Nurturing independent learning and creativity by providing real life experiences.

*Establishing Traditions that inspire.

*Defining a family culture that feeds their souls.

A mother is crafted by God to bring His life into her home through the ways she organizes and creates life from morning till night, through all the seasons and bridging all of the years together. As a consequence of her life work, children will flourish and become prepared in her home to enter adulthood with confidence in education, social skills, ministry and whatever life brings their way.

Learn some basic foundations that provide the basis on which to build a strong vibrant life.

(We have been researching the best ways to do e-conferences, (webinars), and have hired an assistant just to help us do more conferences that we hope will reach families all over the world. You participation in this conference will help us fund some new outreaches to reach more families here and around the world with our messages, books and conferences. So we thank you for joining us in this conference and for helping us to reach others.)

PLEASE, OH PLEASE, HELP US REACH YOUR FRIENDS BY ANNOUNCING IT ON FB, TWITTER, AND YOUR NETWORKS, SO THAT WE CAN DECIDE IF THIS IS A GOOD FORMAT FOR CONFERENCES IN THE FUTURE! WE ARE SO EXCITED TO BE TRYING A NEW FORMAT AGAIN--AND WE PRAY ALL WILL WORK WELL.

ATTENDANCE IS LIMITED, SO BE SURE TO SIGN UP EARLY!

How Stories Form Heroes & An Inspiring Conference!

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” ― Charles William Eliot

Now that I am home from the 3 conferences and our wedding, I have all sorts of thoughts floating through my mind. This year at our mom heart conferences, women loved Sarah's talk on shaping a story-formed life and wanted more! So I am happy to announce that many of you who did not get to hear the talks will be able to hear her in person. She has had many requests, and so in the past few months, she has planned a conference to inspire, encourage and help parents know how to shape their children into heroes through capturing their imagination through stories. Perhaps some of you would like to hear Sarah speak on this on a live e-conference. Let us know what you think.

 In light of this, I am thrilled that Sarah, my daughter, who wrote Read for the Heart,  will be speaking at conferences all over the United States (and overseas when she is there) about capturing your child's heart and imagination, building excellent moral foundations, and deepening their own personal messages through stories and literature. As many of you know, she is an excellent speaker, profound in her thoughts and communication, and so you will be encouraged if you get to hear her at one of these conferences. (and of course you know that I am not biased! :))

The first one is coming up near Boston--so be sure to register now, so that you will receive a copy of her new book with registration--and tell your friends about it. (Please fb, tweet and email!)

And for those of you who do not live in this area, you can write her about  your group, or go to her blog where she will be announcing future conferences. I hope many of you can come to this--or to our online conference--as I am taking your requests to heart!

You are cordially invited to...

The Storyformed Child Conference :: April 12, 2014 ::

Sterling, Massachusetts

From Sarah:

Hello friends, I am delighted to announce the very first Storyformed conference, the first event I am launching as part of my new venture at storyformed.com. For years now, I have wanted to hold a conference on the topic of story; its power, its spiritual significance, and how parents can bring and use it to deeply shape the lives of their children. This conference is the answer to that hope, a day long event in which I will deeply explore the power of great books, the need for beauty, and the vital importance of imagination in the life of a child. Speaking from my own experience as a child deeply formed by story, and my study of children's literature and imagination at Oxford, I hope to inspire you to a love for story, reveal its soul-forming power, and show you exactly how to create a story-formed home.  Through carefully crafted talks, special workshop sessions, and a conference workbook designed to help parents plan for the story-formed life, I hope to leave you with a deep understanding of the power story has to shape, equip, and kindle heroism in the hearts of children.

My dear friend Stephanie is hosting this conference at a local church, and ensuring that it will be a delightful first event. A lovely lunch will be catered (you have three choices at registration), and resources will be available at the conference. My goal is to make this a day to nourish your soul, kindle your own imagination, and immerse you in the beauty of great books.

But register soon! Register by March 8th to receive the limited, special offer of a copy of my new book as part of your registration!

Caught Up In A Story: Fostering a Storyformed Life of Great Books and Imagination With Your Children is my soon-to-be-published book exploring the power of story and helping parents know how to use that power to shape the hearts of their children. Complete with booklists and short reviews, personal stories, and ideas for bringing literature into the home, this book will companion and encourage parents ready to live the storyformed life with their children. The book will be available at the conference, but early registrants will receive a copy free with their registration.

You can go directly to The Storyformed Child conference website, or click here to register. The website offers an abundance of answers to any questions you might have about the particulars of the event.

I am delighted beyond words to have the opportunity to finally give a full conference on a topic so dear to my heart. I hope this will be the first of many, but I invite you to take part in this very special first event.

So please, spread the word and let any of your friends in the North East know about this special event! I hope very much to see you there.

Has anyone ever encouraged you too much?

Louise Élisabeth Vigée Le Brun

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. "

Proverbs 3:27-29

One of the reasons I enjoy getting away from home with my family is that we have so much time together to talk and discuss life and to continue deepening the friendships we already share. One evening last week, as we laid on beds in our hotel room, Joel read an article to us about the regrets that people who are dying have voiced. One that particularly has remained on my heart is, "There are so many things I wish I had said to people that I just never communicated."

Living in an isolationist and impersonal society has taken its toll on our lives. All of us long to know we are not alone, or that our mistakes have not made others disappointed in us, or that our lives matter at all. We need to know that our being faithful matters. We long to know that our labor is not in vain. We are hungry for friendship and words of love.

Yet we live in a society that lives in a an isolated bubble. Suicide rates are growing rapidly, depression medicine is at the pinnacle of business, and loneliness is epidemic.

People in the crowds of city life are often zipped up, impatient, impersonal.

Part of it is a reflection of dried up souls. Another part is simply neglect. When Jesus healed 10 blind men, only one returned to say "thank you."

Then there is insecurity. Often, people are afraid they might communicate the wrong thing to others, so they just don't say anything. Young men are afraid to be kind to young women because it may be taken the wrong way. Young girls are afraid to be friendly to young men because it may be taken as an advance. People are "too shy" to speak to someone because they might be rejected.

Yet, when daily there is constant challenge to  ideals, Biblical values, and we all live inconsistently within the confines of our selfish hearts,  we long to hear words of affirmation.

"Words of life" I call it. Generous words that water the soul, that give hope to the weary, that speak love to a dry heart. Words have power to influence, and to change. They keep a teen faithful during temptation because they call him back to his value. They keep a marriage going because it is water to weary souls. It gives hope to those in the trenches of life.

Planting words of life into the treasure chest of those we love must be a habit, intentional, focussed. A person whose heart is filled with messages of love, hope, confidence, faith in themselves, will have voices of those words when they are away from home, being tempted, living amongst other unwise people. Our messages are seeds that are planted that bear long-term fruit.

"I am so grateful for the gift of you in my life."

"Nothing you will ever do will separate you from my love."

"I am so blessed to be your friend."

"I believe in you and in your dreams."

"Your mistakes do not define you--they are just training grounds for you to grow stronger. I see your heart and love who you are in spite of your mistakes."

"You mean so much to me."

"Your faithfulness has changed my life."

"Thank you for showing me such consideration and kindness--I needed to know someone loved me today."

"You matter to me."

"I love your personality!"

"Thank you for the article you wrote/conference you held/lesson you taught/song you sang--I really appreciate the work and time you have taken to bless so many."

"I love you."

"I forgive you."

If all of us took the time to say kind words, to give encouragement and hope, to take initiative to be bold and generous with our encouragement, regardless of what someone might think or how they will respond, we shall leave a trail of the light of life-giving words that may just shape and change the way people behave, and the faith that they hold on to.

To withhold the good when it is in our capacity to give it is unwise, neglectful and unfaithful. If we live by the fear of what others may think, we are practicing being self-centered and small. If we focus our powerful words of love on others, regardless of their response, we are practicing being Christ to those who need hope and help.

I have never, ever been encouraged too much in my life because it is being drained on a constant rate.

Today, now, write down at least three people you know who may need your encouragement. Today, give words of life and water your relationships with the intention of the gift of words that bring hope, affirmation and courage.

Don't do life alone: Community starts with an invitation from you!

 

Today, our family will gather in California for the wedding celebration weekend of my wonderful Nathan and precious Rachael, his soon to be wife. But, though it is miles and miles from our hometown, we will not be alone. Our friends will travel the distance to be with us, because over the years, we have become family to each other and we do life together. We have had good seasons and challenging seasons in our friendships--but ours is more valuable for having weathered the storms and joys of life together.

I have had to start/initiate almost every group I have ever been in that became a blessing. When I am lonely, I think about how to start one more group--a mom's group, dinner group, book club, kid's group, dinner group, breakfast group--because I know I need friends in order to make it. (And I have started many a social group so my kids could have friends, too.)

Feasting seems to be the way most of my groups have begun! Two big bags of red potatoes, sliced, tossed in butter, herbs and cream cheese and placed in a pan with grated  cheese atop, seemed like enough for 30 people! Piling into the car, bringing flowers for saying thank you, and our family was once again celebrating life with friends who had become family.

Greetings, skewers of shrimp, beef and chicken, luscious chocolate and lemon deserts,  a rousing volleyball game of all ages and a moon light walk added to the fun of the evening—and the potatoes were gone in 10 minutes.

All of these made for a great summer evening party some years ago, but the treasure wasn’t in what we did or what we ate, but in the sharing of life--laughter, fun, merriment, hearts, memories, friendships and spiritual values.

Sitting in the company of friends who had cried with me at my mom’s death; prayed with me through teenage years, evacuated together during the fires, celebrated birthdays, gathered for our Christmas progressive dinner,  worked side by side at countless mom’s conferences, helped one another through surgeries, car wrecks---

Investing countless hours treasuring our friendships is what made the evening a celebration. It was the love shared and the history made through months, days and years of doing life together that made our evening so deeply meaningful to us, and especially to our children.

There have been times when some of us in the group had tension--usually over tension between or amongst our kids. But we all decided a long time ago, that we were friends forever and just like marriage--no break-ups allowed. So, we have done the hard work of loving, accepting, bearing with one another. No group is perfectly suited to you. But living isolated is much worse. Friendship, like parenting and like marriage, takes lots of care, intention and long-suffering.

Our personal family history had been a lonely one. After moving 17 times, I realized that loneliness had been a plague of my heart  and for our family for many years. We longed for a community and for equal soul mates that held our values, but trying to find kindred spirits who shared our lives and values seemed impossible. We had many friends who were scattered all over the United States, had never had the support systems of family, and so we found ourselves  alone and empty hearted many seasons of life.

So, ten years ago, I made a plan. I prayed about those in our circles who were the closest or we seemed to have the most in common with—and began to invite them over. We cast our invitations broadly and invited many people into our home, and not everyone lasted as friends. But eventually, as we stayed generous with our hospitality and faithful to our goal of finding friends and building them intentionally, we have come out with the treasure of those who have become like family, who also had a Clarkson shaped vacuum in their hearts.

But we had to initiate and make a plan and then invest our time and serve needs of their own families to build bridges of intimacy and love.

Monthly dinners became a fixture on our calendar. Birthday lunches for the moms became an anticipated celebration. Potlucks, playing games, celebrating loud and noisy new years crafted our friendships into something more than just a passing relationship into one that felt more like family.

Loneliness is epidemic and people feel invisible all over the world, wherever I travel.

And yet, for us to build those invisible threads from our hearts to the hearts of others, we must be intentional. It  requires us to reach out, to invite, to make time for sharing life and all covered with love and grace. Many friendships, though they seem unlikely, become more precious merely because of the history of years spent together.

At first, it seemed that our husbands had almost nothing in common--but just because of staying committed to getting together, now our husbands are friends and have built bridges amongst each other---and almost all of the men now do ministry with us and serve all over the US at our conferences! All because of working at being committed.

The biggest blessing of building our own inner circle is that our children have a sense of history with several other families who have become family to them.

They don’t feel alone in their lives, but supported by a circle of people who invest in them personally, but it all started with our family being willing to make a ten year goal of investing purposefully so that we would reap a harvest of love.

It all started with a phone call and an invitation, and then doing it again and again.

But today, I will be hosting a dinner for all who would come to bless my sweet ones at the rehearsal dinner. And yesterday, I brought small cakes, chocolate almonds, and scones in a cookie tin in my suitcase, along with 10 tea cups, candles and music, and had a hotel "tea time" for all the girls.

Every place is appropriate for memories shared and hearts gathered when there is a little planning and intention.

Please pray for my sweet Nathan and Rachael and their wedding, marriage and beginning of their own story to live. I thank you for investing in their lives.

Blessings of His grace to you, today

Sally

Closing each day with a blessing: The intentional routine that Opens Hearts

Albert Anker

"And Jesus took the children in his arms and began touching them and He blessed them" Mark 10: 16

Sparkling lights danced and flashed on our un-curtained windows outside our 17th floor hotel room, as we had only candles lit in the darkness of late night. Joy was curled up, exhausted from finishing 6 hours of classes in two weeks, gown-bedecked, with feet dark from the sandy beach we had just walked.

Grabbing a warm, soapy cloth, I gently began to wash her small, feminine feet, with only acoustic strings filling the silence in quiet comfort.

Next, I squeezed citrus lotion in circles and began to massage her toes, bottom of feet and quietly talked to her of how happy my heart was to share in these precious moments with her.

"Mama, I have always, always loved ending my days with your blessing and love. It makes my heart peaceful," whispering to me as she snuggled and curled more deeply into the soft comforter atop our bed. This little interlude filled my mama heart a couple of weeks ago when I had a week long trip in California that literally ended with joy.

This brought to mind another such hotel visit, the first time I heard her say out-loud to others how years of intentional "good-nighting" had born lasting, loving fruit in her heart.

Speaking at the Military Regional Women's Conference in Hawaii a couple of years ago, I took Joy as my companion, as Clay and I decided long ago I would never travel alone. Someone asked Joy, then 16, to share how to reach the heart of your child or teenager, and she replied. "Every night, no matter what, I knew that my mom would come to my bed and spend time with me and talk with me and pray with me before I went to bed. It was our time, where I could pour out my fears, my secrets, my confessions and my dreams. If you want to win your teen, you need to give them time to talk to you and bed time is a great time to do that."

I was a little surprised to hear her answer, that out of all the things we did, the evening close with a blessing, came to her mind. But, early in our marriage, we heard someone speak about bed time being an important time for children. Clay and I were very intentional about creating our own routines.

When Joy was born amidst 3 older, demanding siblings, I determined that I would spend an extended time with her every night before she went to sleep. No matter what a day has held: fussing, conflict, excitement, drudgery, joy, celebration, hard work, putting the day to end well is a wise endeavor.

When we understand this idea of blessing our child each night before they go to bed, it carries with it the idea of giving our children a peaceful heart. We give love to our child's heart when we tie all loose ends together with unconditional love by blessing them every night, putting to rest all of the burdens of the day and giving them into the hands of God. Every day, we ended in words of love and grace.

No matter what has transpired through out the day, we can close it by speaking to our child's heart. "I love you no matter what. Forgive me for my impatience today, please? Or I forgive you for your disobedience today. You are very precious to me. I am blessed to have you. You may go to sleep without bearing anger, or a guilty conscience, or fear, because I love you and God loves you and He will be with you. Sleep in peace, my precious."

Bedtime can be such a burden for an exhausted mom. Understanding that everyone's adrenalin is down helped me to remember not to react to conflict at night, but to wait for the next day to face problems head on, when everyone's bodies were more capable of dealing with issues.

Please do not picture that our bedtimes were without struggle, but I think when you are intentional about making it an anchor of the day and guiding and leading your children into an expectation of the end of the day being relational, it becomes a grace to all that has transpired. But, bedtime gives our children one last impression of their whole day and it is a redeeming time of bringing and restoring and offering peace.

Clay and I had elaborate bedtime routines for our children when they were young so that they knew what was coming, and more easily submitted to the routine. As Nathan had some ocd about bedtime, we knew that if he could not remember the prayer and the kiss, he would not be able to go to sleep. So often, I would repeat a short prayer and say, "Now, I want you to remember this time, how much I love you and God loves you."

And now I well realize that children do not stay in this stage forever and one more kiss did not hurt me.

The Routine-- Bathtime, books, and the blessing

I had a very large tub in a couple of my homes. We would put the kids in with every imaginable toy in the world--whatever it took to keep them their and to give them a place to give up one last surge of energy. (Please be sure to only trust age appropriate children to be by themselves--young toddlers and babies should, of course, never be left alone!)

During this time, I would sit down and rest and read or have a cup of something, even if the dishes were still in the sink or the house was not cleaned up.  I would  just spend a few minutes restoring myself, because I wanted to be available to extend the last moments of the day blessing the kids.

Then we would take turns getting the children out, pajama'd, teeth brushed. Finally, if all was done in an orderly manner, we gathered in the living room, or a child's bedroom for a short read aloud from a child's story book. This routine of expectation helped them to understand that bedtime and sleep time was coming. Our children seemed to thrive more easily on routine.

After we read, we would send the kids to the bathroom one last time, and then each child would be tucked into bed personally, touched or stroked on a forehead and prayed for and kissed. Every night we gave an "I love you," or "I am so very blessed to have you," or some intentional words of acceptance and encouragement."

I think positive peer pressure works well here. If you train your first child to this routine, "Now it is bedtime. We have bathed, read, prayed and now you get such a privilege--you get to snuggle in your lovely bed with your soft, cuddly stuffed animals and go into dreamland."

We always talked sweetly of their beds and made them as delightful as possible. When all the children work in routines together, the younger ones tend to follow the routine without much of a fuss. We often used words like, "You are growing so strong inside. You go to bed like a big boy or girl."

During the teen years..... Often, as our children became older, the bedtime routines became longer because it meant night time talks in their rooms, sharing of hearts and secret fears, struggles, temptation. Yet, with so many older children in our lives, discussing issues all day long, I knew that Joy would need "just me" time. From the very beginning, I would rock her and sing to her many songs and cherish her at night to make up for any distractions during the day. I would lay with her on her bed and talk and pray with her and this became our own special time.

Though it did require a commitment of heart and time on my part, as often we were ready to put the day away for our "own" time, I see now that this giving and ending with love meant so much to all of our children--and especially her, because she had to compete with older siblings all day long.Though, at times I was so exhausted and drained, and I did not feel like doing the routine, one more time, I had practiced it as a life habit, and kept it going, every night, and so it became a foundation of my being close to my children--they grew to expect it. 

Even now, it is sweet to see when the older kids are home, they all come upstairs to my bedroom--now they put me to bed, because they are staying up longer than me! Joel often sits on my bed for a half hour, just sharing his thoughts. It has become special to me--that my twenty something kids still come for a blessing, still want our affirmation and still won't go to sleep without the kiss and prayer.

Routines are often difficult to establish, but when cultivated, they become a habits that give life, love and security. It is still a gift to me that I now get to share the sweet fellowship of my best friends, my children, when they are home, to tie together all the lose ends, in love and peace.

And so with all the mom's conference this season, and the wedding this weekend, many gathering on hotel beds with all the kids involved, will be my secret very best time at the conferences--all of us together, laughing, sharing, praying, loving, clothed in jammies and gowns,  and hidden from the world, just being best friends and closing the night with a blessing and peace.

Most Great Accomplishments are won at great cost: The Good and Hard!

My first Mom Heart Conference staff! Joel, Sarah, Nathan and Joy! 

This was about the age our family started mom's conferences, 18 years ago! And this was our staff--book box carriers, registration team, those who handed out chocolate. They came cheap--and some of their friends helped, too.

I was thinking this weekend that running our conferences for countless women over the years, has been one of the biggest blessings--and yet, hardest things, we have ever done. Literally hundreds of nights in hotels with hotel food, suitcases---the dirty laundry at the end of the trip, different time zones--yet, definitely eternal work accomplished with much faith, together--and now I can see that it was the years and years of serving Him together that was one of the life-changing components for all of our children.

How interesting it was to find that Sarah was also pondering this and wrote a blog about the hard--very hard, but very good events that make life so worthwhile.

So, let me know, what does your family do--that is hard but good?

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I write this from 35,000 feet up in the free blue air. A grey quilt of clouds obscures the earth below, but sometimes the cloud down frays and the earth winks up, a brown, wry face patterned with laughter lines and the rutted gullies of old tears. I never get tired of having the window seat on an airplane. My awe at technology is usually spoiled by my suspicion that it might be ruining my imagination, but I still have a tiny girl’s wonder at the fact that we humans can fly. Airplanes feel a little like magic to me. I could sit here, nose pressed against my window, reveling in my rare, eagle’s eye view for hours.

At the moment though, I’m also just glad to be sitting. I can feel the dark circles under my eyes. For the third time in four weeks, I have gotten up far too early to lug a half dozen suitcases and crates to various airplane counters. I have packed and unpacked, washed (and, well, “unwashed”) more loads of laundry in the past months than I care to mention, changed time zones, chased rental car shuttles, and stumbled up, hair awry and eyes slightly wild to quite a few hotel desks. I have a bag of cherry tomatoes in the bottom of my bag, because I couldn’t stand to throw out good produce one more time, but they sit next to a bar of chocolate because travel season wrecks my healthy intentions. My carryon is stuffed with the speech I haven’t yet gotten by heart, the insurance papers I haven’t figured out, and the manuscript I still haven’t edited though the deadline is this weekend. In order even to write this, I must ignore the ten, urgent, unanswered emails sitting on the next tab over.

I tell you all this because in this rare moment of (literally) suspended calm, I find myself contemplating the worth of doing hard things.

Everything in my life of late seems hard. Conference season is hard. It comes as a mix of marathon, disaster, and holiday. Writing is hard. My brain at the end of a working day feels like a mental sponge squeezed dry of every word, and my heart rate spikes at thought of all the work I have yet to do. Integrity is hard. To write about beauty is one thing, to make it amidst exhaustion and laundry with nerves frayed and tongue sharp is harder. Health is hard. To eat good food, to walk long miles, to seek out natural instead of processed food takes time, and thought, and a mighty dose of discipline. (Especially amidst travel.) Even loving God is hard. Turning my mind away from the many lists of things I need to do, the countless desires, the endless distractions in order to sit with my Bible and listen, listen to his whisper in the silence is one of the most difficult habits I have ever undertaken.

Hard, every bit of it. Hard every single day of my life.

Yet undeniably, unequivocally… good.

In the past months I have watched myself complete a manuscript I never thought I could manage, and impossible deadlines were the grace that helped me to do it. I finally managed to articulate my convictions about story because I was forced to spit them out in the last-minute, white heat of speech-writing the hour before I was due on stage. The countless vegetables I’ve chopped, and lettuce I’ve washed for daily salads has paid off in a health I haven’t known for years. The friendships found and renewed in these conference weekends have kindled my heart, deepened my conviction, set me on my feet to work for yet another year. Life burgeons around me, good work flourishes, the soil of my heart is rich with new ideas and I know that the endless work of writing, of health, of love to which I have given myself with freshened vigor this year is worth every bit of what it costs me.

The truth I find is that every good thing I know requires hard work. It requires, not just a dose of effort to get it started, but the grit to hold fast and keep on when the inspiration fails. Day in and day out, a life that is in any way good requires steady labor, something I don’t always factor in when I am dreaming about the lovely things I’ll make and the heroic deeds I’ll accomplish. The good life – here in a fallen world where what was meant to be good was broken – is a hard life. We fight fallenness in every atom of existence. But every bit of the goodness we we make proclaims the someday new heaven and earth. And somehow, brings the kingdom come, even amidst the shadows.

I write this to remind myself to endure, because my idealist self often lags in the midst of all the effort. When I’m tired, as I am today with the hum of the plane around me, I wonder if its all worth it. I write this to shore up my will to endure, to strengthen the conviction that grows feeble when all I really want to do is lounge in my chair and drink five cups of tea.

But I also write this because I’ve been thinking of late about one of the hardest but best creations I have ever experienced: my family.

In conference season, I am always made keenly aware that many people watch my family. The parenting ministry that my mom and dad carry out means that we Clarksons are somewhat in the public eye. We are a family marked by our ideals, and our ministry is, in large part, to hold those ideals forth to the world and challenge others to follow them as well. But I wonder sometimes if the strength with which we state our ideals leads people to the mistaken assumption that we live an ideal life. That goodness comes easily to us, and hard to others. That somehow we were born with harmonious hearts and quiet tempers and curious intellects.

By the time we show up at conferences, feet padding the plush carpet of yet another hotel, we strive to look grown up in our Sunday clothes and polite (if not well-rested) faces. We do, of course, try to have good things to say. We strive to articulate all we believe and present a gracious face to the world. But a whirlwind of hard work and sore shoulders, heartache and heart-searching lies behind us. Imperfect attitudes, impatient words, and discouragement are the shadow side of the inspiration that propels us forward. We struggle, we grapple, we cry. We also laugh and cook and sing. We wash a thousand dishes and cook a thousand good meals and light the candles every evening and play our classical music. Behind every conference we throw or speech we give are countless quiet days of hard work and hard choices. I’m not saying that we live differently than the ideals we hold forth. I’m saying that we fight like wild men to attain them and we have been fighting for as long as I can remember.

These thoughts all began two nights ago when my Mom and I strode out to walk off our adrenaline in a purple and windy dusk. Our talk was of family, that hardest and best of works, and my talk was of the struggle I find to love. We spoke of old  frustrations and the grief they still cause. Of quirks and personalities that tax and bless us all at once. We spoke of the arduous decisions required by faith, the tough endurance required by real love, the never-ending forgiveness it demands and the ever-fresh friendship it brings. And when I had finally spit all the struggle out of my mouth in a torrent of irritation, I took a deep breath and listened to my mother teach me once again to love. To open my hands. To open my heart. To endure. And to do it all over again the next time.

As we pounded the last road home, I realized that we Clarksons are who we are – idealistic, fiercely loyal, writers, musicians, tied to each other at the hip and convinced we can help to bring God’s kingdom to bear on earth – because we stayed in the fight when the fight got hard.

Our fantastic relationships were formed in part by fantastic fights and spectacular disagreements, but we endured them all, rode the high, hard winds of strife into the safe harbor of affection.

We did not turn back and we did not let go. We did not withdraw from loving when loving got hard, but neither did we let hard things make a large and silent wedge between us. We took issues head on whatever they were and argued them out until they were gone. Jesus said of the woman who washed his feet that “she who is forgiven much, loves much.” And I think that principle is part of what forms the fellowship and ideals of my family. They who fight much, who endure each other’s quirks, who ride out the tempests of difficult circumstances and personalities, who laugh and weep and watch each other’s creation know a comradeship that can only come from the brotherhood of battle. The victory we have, the love that knits us close was only to be forged in struggle.

The truth is that we Clarksons have wrestled with God over and over again, every one of us, just like Jacob in the wilderness grappling with sin and pain and the strange presence of the Almighty. In striving to create new things, to live our ideals, to keep communion, we wrestled with God in our hearts and we wrestled with God in each other. Every inch of ground we gained in love came with years of hard battle. But we fought forward, knowing that to fight was to hope and even to love, because it was a kind of journey. We were fighting our way back to each other and not away. We were grappling toward beauty and we wrestled until we were blessed. We strove until we overcame.

That, I suppose, it at heart of what I am striving to understand, to tell myself here and as I do, tell you too. If love is to be formed, if families are to stay close, if  stories or songs are to be made, if ideals are ever to be kept, hard work is the high and never-ending cost.

In a fallen world, where the good that was meant to be was broken, we have to wrestle every day to love God, to do justice, to love mercy, to make beauty. But God wrestles with us. His Spirit incites us to the fight with visions of the good that was meant to be. His Son joins us in the battle, brother and lover who suffers so that we may overcome. And the Father waits at the end of our battle, the “great rewarder of those who seek Him.” In him we live and move and have our being, and in him we fight the great fight, and in him we trust that the good we make here is just the beginning of the kingdom come and a beauty that will never end.

So courage, dear hearts, as Aslan whispered to Lucy. Courage, I whisper to myself as the plane dips its nose under the quilt of clouds and the earth reaches up to grasp me once more. The work is about to begin again, good and hard. I’m ready.

Please find all of Sarah's inspiring thoughts and articles at: thoroughlyalive.com

Nathan (getting married this weekend!) Sarah, Joy and Joel

My staff--or children--now!