The Mom Heart Conferences are upon us! Come Join us!

A Personal Letter from Sally

Dear Sweet Mom,

Like you, I love being with my children. It is always a delight when I can spend time with them, draw them out, encourage them, and help them. In this new season of my life, it is so fulfilling to see what God is doing in their young lives. They truly are the reward and blessing of parenthood that God promises. In many ways I feel that I live for my children, and yet I know instinctively that my children are not my life. God wants me to reach for more–to leave a legacy of faith not just through my children, but through the life He has given me to live. I believe He is calling me to own my life for His glory.

After over forty years of serving Christ, and over thirty years of marriage and parenting, I feel like I can understand Paul’s words to the Philippian church, “But one thing I do … I press on toward the goal for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Paul knew that he had to choose to own his life for the sake of Christ–he had one chance to live the one life he was given for God. It is a choice I made in my early twenties after reading Philippians 3:7-14 and have lived by ever since as a woman, wife, and mother. When Tyndale Publishing House asked me to write my new book, Own Your Life, I took it as a challenge not only to look back at my life of walking with God, but also as an opportunity to encourage Christian women.

So this year, I want to talk about how you, as a mom, can own your life. Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean doing more than you’re already doing, as though activity is the mark of ownership. Guilt is not on the agenda! Rather, I want every mother to leave our conferences this year with a renewed and refreshed conviction that you can say with Paul: “I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.” I want you to see that what you are doing as a mother is part of that “one thing” that He has for your life. I want you to find deep, rich, and meaningful fulfillment in the life of faith you are giving for your children and living for God.

Each year, I am reminded afresh that our weary world needs a restoration of biblical motherhood–women who have chosen to own their lives for God’s glory. Mary, when told by the angel Gabriel that she would be the mother of the Son of God, responded with faith: “I am the Lord’s servant … May it be done to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). She owned the life God was giving her. She embraced the legacy He had for her. This Mom Heart Conference is just one way I can partner with the Spirit of God to encourage and equip a generation of mothers to be ready and willing to serve God no matter what. We all can live a legacy of faith.

This will be my 18th year of ministering to moms in these conferences, and I continue to be energized and excited about what God is doing through mothers in this generation. I hope you will join me this year as we reach out together to take hold of all God has for us as mothers.

In his heart,

Sally Clarkson

To Register, go HERE

If you missed the October Registration Bonus promotion, we’re giving you a second chance! Everyone who is registered by 11:59:59 PM on December 24 will be entered into a drawing to give away another FREE REGISTRATION. It’s aChristmas Day Giveaway! Stacie Crenshaw just won a free registration for the Irvine, California conference. YOU could be next! There’s only one way to get entered in the Christmas Day Giveaway drawing … you’ve got to be registered by Christmas Eve. So don’t wait, get registered today!

A story named Joel--Celebrating You, today.

Joel, at the entrance to the Kilns, the home of C.S. Lewis, last summer.

Feeling small, alone, invisible, I shifted to hide my body and face from others around me who were chatting quietly and sipping strong Austrian coffee. Tears were gathering in my eyes and ready to spill over onto my cheeks and I did not want anyone else to see.

"God, here I am and no one even knows I am here. You alone see my heart and here my cry. Please, Lord, open my womb and give me another child, bless me with a little boy if it is in your gracious will. Make me the mother of children, and help me, I pray."

At 33, I had already had one miscarriage and had so deeply enjoyed my precious little baby Sarah more than I knew a mama could, and longed for one more child. Having children was never easy for me--each one was a miracle. The first time around, I didn't have a clue how much of a gift it would be to have a little one in my arms. But now, I longed for another, but month after month passed and I did not find myself pregnant.

But God heard my prayers that day, and planted Joel inside of me. He was my Austrian baby. Perhaps living in the city of musicians--Mozart, Beethoven, while in my womb determined his destiny--that he would eventually become a composer, an orchestrator, a crafter of music.

Almost nine months pregnant found me in my tiny house, all 900 square feet of it, bustling about, readying my home by buying food for the kitchen, washing all the clothes that had piled up, and trying to tell little 2 1/2 year old Sarah that a real baby was coming to live with us.

I had just gone to bed, when without prior warning, no labor pains, my water burst. I remember thinking, "What was that? and then it dawned on me! Oh! I had better get up and shower and get ready, the baby might come in the next day. Sarah had taken 22 hours of full on labor pain and was slow to come. I assumed Joel would be, too.

It was 11:10 at night, but I got up, showered, (wanted to have clean hair at the hospital--what was I thinking?), and in the shower, I had such a pain I almost collapsed.

"Clay!" I yelled, I think maybe we should go to the hospital pretty soon. He helped me out of the shower and helped me throw on some clothes. "Wait, I have to dry my hair just a little, " groan, groan, holding fast to the wall.

We called our Austrian doctor who lived close by and drove the 5 minutes to the hospital. By this time, I could barely stand--it had only been 40 minutes since my water broke!

We stood at the entrance of the hospital, me breathing as best I could, and told them "Schnell, schnell, bitte!" Quickly, quickly, please!

They looked at us sleepily as though I was just an anxious young mom, but slowly took us up the flight of stairs to the maternity ward. Clay had called my best friend, Gwennie, to come be with us and pray!

I literally slipped off my clothes and donned a gown and fell back into the bed all the while thinking perhaps I was going to die. The doctor came in and greeted me, introduced me to the midwife, (It is a law in Austria that a midwife must deliver a baby--I had never seen her before.), and my friend Gwen came rushing through the door, and I screamed, "It can't wait!"

I lifted up my legs, pushed and out popped Joel, into the hands of the surprised midwife--an hour and 15 minutes after my water had broken. We barely had time to realize the amazing miracle that had just happened.

You never know what a day holds!

Today is his 28th birthday. We are in the mountains celebrating his day amidst snow, mountains and evergreen quiet and sparkle.

Thank you, God, for answering my prayers beyond my imagination. This strong, vibrant, gentle, creative, spiritually deep, generously loving man has blessed my life in so many ways, I can't count. And to see him as your helping, loving, supportive arms and encouragement at this season of life, is a grace beyond what I expected.

Happy Birthday, wonderful Joel. You have always been an answer to prayer. May your new year be blessed with favor, love, grace and the blessing of God. Love you forever.

mama

Perhaps you would like to find Joel's music today and enjoy it in your home! To buy and album or to listen, go HERE!

Each day, I am playing the Midwinter Carols as a prelude to Christmas! Thanks to all of you who have written Joel a thank you for this! It has encouraged him so very much!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WONDERFUL JOEL!

Building the Home Team Spirit: Mentoring Monday

The Clarkson Team--Nathan, Rachael, Joy, Sarah, Clay, me, Joel--

Writing our history together on a yearly Family Day gathering.

Darkness had filled my soul. It was one more time of, "I just wish I could quit! Life feels too hard. I don't know how to keep going. But, I got up one morning and knew in my heart, my children just needed me to put one foot in front of the other and reach out to them to have a good day. An idea came to me of how I would start our week with a surprise.

Then came the story in the video which brought Nathan to the point where I begin to tell his part of the story--he not even knowing or being aware that his mama was down. But his pronouncement reminded me that I was indeed blessed and had a way forward. Our little gang, belonging to each other, gave me what I needed to keep going with hope. Our team pulled me through.

*********

Chocolate frosting and sugar sprinkles decorated each corner of his mouth with a tiny piece hanging from his nose. Nathan, at the  full-boyness of a wiggly 9 year old, pulled the tee shirt of his jammies over his knees and pronounced, "I just love being a Clarkson. It makes me happy to be in this club."

For the rest of the story, you will have to listen to the video!

Each of our children was born to want to be a part of a family--with history, traditions,  purpose, a sense of mission and foundations of mutually shared stories,  comfort given, mutual core values, battles won and celebrations shared.

Why do your children need you to build a strong family culture? Your own sense of "We are a team together. We belong to each other!"

Because they will face lonely times ahead and with the love of siblings, life is not at lonely. Because problems of life in a modern world will come, and a close community of "us" can help each other through and shape souls on shared sufferings and celebrations.

Because being a part of a close family who is purposeful about living for Christ, brings meaning, purpose and love that will carry each of the members through years of challenges, difficulties and the isolation of feeling different than most people in this time in history--a place to always belong.

Because when you are older, you will have built your own best friends who will help you, love you and built their lives on the very same values and pleasures that you will share together for ever. Having children who are your best friends is just the best!

In Genesis 1, before the fall of man, before sin entered the world, God proclaimed the family as the unit through which all of the world would be organized. He gave Eve to Adam, and blessed them and gave them work to do,

"And Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground."

1.  Be fruitful and multiply--have children! Psalm 127: 3 says, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him."

2. Fill the earth and govern it--Our job is to go into our world and take responsibility over it--in  the context of our family--how will our family bring God's messages to the world, bring his light, use our skills, do our work, bring order, meaning, life, goodness and fight against evil.

In sports, the team is usually only as strong as the coach that leads it.

The athletes have capacity, natural strength, but it is the coach that hones those capacities, rallies the team and brings out its best attributes. The coach leads the direction that the team follows. The coach establishes mutual respect and cooperation amongst the team, the coach helps build a team spirit--one for all and all for one.

Building a team is not always straightforward. There are failures. losses, casualties, injuries. But a healthy team mounts above all of this together and keeps going forward. Some games are lost, some are won, but the coach keeps them moving forward.

God has given us as mothers, the ability and call to organize and lead our home team to become a unit together--to live fully into our potentials.

I am not speaking of usurping the leadership of our husbands, but in most homes, the mama keeps the life going. "A wise woman builds her home, and the foolish with her own hands tears it down."

How do we build a strong family spirit? A love for being a part of something bigger than just ourselves? A sense of belonging to a kingdom call? A call as a family to build a history--a story of significance for a kingdom in this world?

How to establish a family team--or your home team? (I will be speaking to these issues tonight at the webinar--the Biblical foundations that give us a plan, a way to go forward, and path to walk on.)

The mama's heart is truly the source of strength, wisdom, encouragement. leadership, love and faith. If the mama's heart is filled with understanding, truth, and purpose, then she will have confidence in knowing how to lead her little ones to the purposes of God.

If a mama does not have the vision and understanding of how to lead her little team, to coach her children in this way, then she will likely go the way of culture--listening to the voices all around her--and establish her family's foundations on the sands of false values instead of on the solid rock of God's word and ways.

Our family had lots of flaws and we made lots of mistakes and had to grow all along the way. But the spirit of loving one another, belonging to each other and to a greater purpose covered over all the blunders. Our connection and love for our little team or club, so to speak, kept us growing strong at each juncture of life. We had a sure foundation to go back to in our times of confusion.

The following are a few of the ways Clay and I established a sense of belonging and purpose to our children.

Following God's priorities: And He said to him, “ ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ “This is the great and foremost commandment. “The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ “On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

Love God:

The first of the 24 Ways our children learned and heard over and over again was, "We love and obey our Lord Jesus Christ with whole Hearted Devotion."

Then we established the rhythms to teach this priority:

Each morning devotions--reading scripture, learning the Bible stories, memorizing favorite passages, praying each day, starting the day worshiping Him.

Each evening, we ended the day with prayers at the bedsides and then a blessing, "I love you so much, I am so thankful you are my child, God loves you, too and will always watch over you and be with you."

These words go deep into the psyche--words spoken when a baby is being nursed and cherished, songs sung when a toddler is rocked, words spoken throughout childhood and appropriately given through out teenage hood and into adulthood--Words repeated in prayers, in daily moments, at night, on holidays, as oxygen of life.

Love God,

listen to God,

He is with you,

He loves you and forgives you,

He guides you in wisdom,

He will always be with you.

The second commandment:

Love your neighbor as your self. 

All day long, we practice love, correct attitudes, teach them to serve.The rhythms, all day long, shaping a heart of love, "Be kind to your brother, how could you have said that more graciously?

"You two will sit on the peace-making couch all day, if you must until you can make peace and ask for forgiveness."

Or you can write out this verse, or 24 Family way 5 times with the memory verse and write a short paragraph about what is means."

"Why don't you write an encouraging note to your sister and leave it on her pillow to tell her you love her tonight?"

"Let's surprise Daddy and have the house all cleaned up when he comes home with candles lit, music playing and a nice cold drink to tell him how special he is to us--he has had a very hard week."

Words, words, words, "God has called us to be a family forever, so that we will always have someone to help, to love, to support and to carry values together." "You will be brothers forever, learn how to love each other now."

The daily rhythms that knit hearts together---breakfast together, starting the day with a blessing, dinner eaten at night with no machines present--no tv, no phones or games, all about talking and loving and sharing--every night builds an expectation of talking, enjoying each other, celebrating life together each evening to close the day's events well.

Then a once a week movie night, a Sunday morning feast, an afternoon cup of tea for everyone--(or juice, hot chocolate, cider) for a 10 minute break together,) a Sunday afternoon tea time every week, forever.

Family Day celebrated once a year to acknowledge the fingerprints of God in our lives--what has He done through the days of this year? How has He provided? How has He answered prayer?"

We start out celebrating breakfast together reading the passages about Joshua mounting the stones of remembrance and then we mount our own stones. We have our own years of a notebook of family history from taking time each year to remember together what we are about.

Loving and serving people was also a part of loving others as ourselves--but a ministry focus, something we had to build in to our lives and into our life schedules and priorities.

Taking meals to those who were ill or had a loss in a family--making them together.

Hosting once a month game nights or music nights in our home to build community with others.

Starting mom's conferences as a family and serving together all of their lives.

Starting regular Bible studies in our home for girls, or guys, or moms or families--different groups at different times--but all of us seeing our home as a place of outreach.

Volunteering at church.

Inviting people into our homes on holidays to share meals who were lonely.

Giving to the poor.

There is so much more to share, and that will be in a book coming out next year!

But these plans, these foundations gave our children messages in their hearts that still speak to them today, practices of loving and learning to make peace, serving together and watching God work through our family. The sense that "This is what we do, this is who we are, this is how we work--we are a team, closely knit in purpose, values, calling." And that sense of belonging to something greater than their individual calling, has built close committed relationships that keep giving life, love and meaning to each of us.

But in essence, we need to understand that our calling is together, our purposes are as a family, our strength comes from not being alone in the world, but always having a place to belong, a group to be a part of--a family.

Your plan will determine your actions and what you will build long term. What values do you want your children to love? What work has God given your family to do? What stories uniquely suit your family for their purpose and investment in the kingdom together? What messages do you want your children to cherish deep in their hearts? How are you speaking these messages to them daily?

These are foundations that must be planned, implemented and built over the lifetime of a family.

These are some of the Biblical issues we will discuss tonight. Ten Foundations for flourishing in every season! Hope you can join me. Register before 5:30 mountain time, as we will be closing down registration in order to get ready for the conference tonight. Can't wait. Love meeting with all of you!

Winners of the 2 tickets to the e-conference are Beverly Steele and Janelle Spiers! Congratulations!

10 Foundations for Flourishing in Every Season!

Join me tonight, live at 7:00 Mountain, 8:00 Central, 9:00 Eastern, 6:00 Pacific!

You can purchase today and watch later.

(The cost will be slightly higher after the conference is over, due to administrative overhead.)

Choosing Love and Forgiveness

Jesus once told the story of a wealthy man who forgave the debt of another to whom he had loaned money. After being released from his great debt, this forgiven man ran into a man who owed him a small amount of money--and showed him no mercy, demanding repayment at once. When the first man found out about his former debtor’s lack of kindness to the other, he went looking for him and threw him in prison to be tortured until he had personally, completely repaid the original debt. Jesus then concluded, "My heavenly Father will also do the same to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:21-35)

This story teaches much about our relationship with the Lord. Because He has forgiven us and humbled himself to the point of death to bring about payment for our debt of sin, then He’s saying we owe everyone we meet the same grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness that we have received. If we do not forgive others, then no matter how justified we feel in hanging onto our resentment and hurt, our hearts will be damaged and we will feel far from God.

A very godly, older, wise friend of mine was sharing with me the other day, and she said, something quite surprising: "You know, I have lost many friends over the years because of issues with my children."

Apparently, one of her children had been immature, offending one of her friends--and the friend held it against her personally. What a travesty! To lose a friendship over a silly incident is such a waste. If we expect our friends and their children to always be mature and behave as we would wish, we will surely become disappointed and disillusioned. Yet I see it happen all the time. No wonder so many people are suspicious of Christians--we often act like normal people, meaning we are self-centered, easily offended, and vengeful--rather than behaving like those who have been redeemed.

There is so much potential for broken relationships throughout life--hurt feelings, different values, varying philosophies, immaturity, insensitivity, harsh or careless words, and simple irritation offering just a few places where bitterness could take root.

We all have baggage of some sort of severed relationships in this broken world, and sometimes it’s not at all our fault! But our hearts don't have to stay broken and we don’t have to react with bitterness, even in these circumstances. We can always choose to love, even when we are not loved by people--because God is absolutely, forever committed to loving us.

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men." -Luke 6:35

Take a moment to complete the reflection and application below:

• "I will never leave you or forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 Do you truly believe that God has made a commitment to never leave you? As you embrace this truth, the commitment to love others in the same way becomes easier!

• "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 Are there relationships in your life which have been broken? People you need to forgive? Ask God to bring them to mind today, and lay a burden down.

*****************************

In Monday's e-conference, I will be sharing how to set up a grid for living with wisdom, cultivating love as a foundation of influence, understanding what you are building, how to endure with grace and so much more. Be sure to register and tell your friends. It will be a wonderful time. It is changing my life again as I am working on it! And if you win the rafflecopter, your registration will be refunded. Can't wait.

Register HERE a Rafflecopter giveaway

All of us fall short, and yet He waits, with love

 

Rembrandt

With the Pharisees and Saducees standing around leering at Jesus, caustically criticizing his every word, they saw him look gently to the very crowd of people he had previously described as "sheep without a shepherd." Jesus purposely told a story which would have had amazing implications in his day. An ungrateful son, rebellious and undeserving in every way, took his inheritance and squandered it on a profligate life.

In the story, the Father, (Jesus), lets his son go and allows him to experience the foolishness of his decision. He does not retrieve him from his dire consequences, but is waiting every day, watching for his son to return.

How amazing, Jesus is the Father longingly looking out with compassion and affection for his prodigal son, to restore, to love, to bless him with a heart full of godly love and forgiveness.

Are not we all prodigals, in different ways, leaving the generous love and mercy of our God, thinking something else will satisfy.

And yet, all of us disappoint, fall short, live selfishly, unworthy of his love. All of us.

Yet, he is there, always looking for the precious lost one, the weary, the fallen the sad--to fully restore them into his pleasure and love.

Recently I received a letter from a sweet mom who said, "I have been hiding the story of my life because I was afraid I would be rejected by other Christian women."

Her marriage had been impossible, she had received bad counsel, a divorce had taken place. Her heart was broken.

Another had a sordid past before becoming a believer, and she was sure her friends would reject her if they knew.

Another friend had a prodigal. Another had a beautiful daughter who lived morally and had a good heart but was rejected for her clothing and was ostracized from her peer group and almost despaired in her faith in God. "How could Christians, who are supposed to love, treat me this way, when I have done nothing wrong?"

I have friends in my life who walk with God and yet they have had to bear with the onslaught of culture's battles raging in the lives of their children that have wrought scars. I have felt the ravage of disappointment from others and criticism, and so have my children.

Others have written articles on the web that they have been cast out from the crowd for voicing.

"Judge not lest ye be judged."

"It is to a man's honor to overlook a sin."

"Take the log out of your own eye."

We all want God to be patient when it comes to our own lives, but we are quick to point fingers of judgment at others as though their fragility and flaws are somehow worse than ours.

The older I get, the more I give grace and have compassion because I see my own selfish, sinful heart more clearly and so am more grateful for God's grace than ever before. Seeing your own self in the light of God's holiness humbles you. God tells us Himself that  he gives grace to the humble but is opposed to the proud. Humility opens our eyes more clearly to the magnificent sacrifice of Jesus--while we were yet sinners, he came into the world, he touched lepers, he forgave prostitutes, he had compassion on the crowds because they had no one to shepherd them.

I live in a world of swirling ideals--I uphold ideals, I seek to be holy, I teach my children about the righteousness of God

but these ideals should never give me a reason for  judging others.

My ideals, which I have come to by the grace of God,  should always lead me to serve, to help others find the path, to show others the grace I have been given, to accept others as I long to be accepted.

Even my own family has been more harmed in their walk with God by "Christians" than by unbelievers. My children have been targets of wagging tongues. But our family circle is a place where holy love abides and where safety and mercy are upheld--where Jesus' love flows freely.

Still, words can hurt deeply and can have consequences--woe to us if we are vessels of separation in the body of Christ.

He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.

Oh, the wisdom, the love, the grace, the freedom I find in Him. He is safe. Real friends provide safety, where hearts can be shared without fear of condemnation.

It would be easier to be a Christian if it were not for all the Christians who are so very judgmental.

Let us be those who love, who remember, "Love covers a multitude of sin." "Love is a perfect bond of unity."

I have often said, those who have not yet been humbled enough are the first to be critical.

Criticism kills. Love heals. May we all become better lovers day by day so that we are not a part of killing the dimly burning wick of faith in precious ones who have secrets and are longing for comfort, for grace, for help, acceptance, forgiveness.

May we all live, today, in the beloved grace and patience and mercy of God which is new every morning.

Have you sinned? Have you failed? Are you failing now? Have you been weak? Do you bear a difficult secret or shame?

God loves you and is waiting for you with His open arms of mercy. Live in the strength of His grace, go in the power of His resurrection love, and then, by your gratefulness, extend the mercy to others that you have so longed for in your life.

"They will know you by your love for one another."

"Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."

******************************************************

Hope you can join me as we talk about many other graces that give us confidence, peace, and wisdom to live our lives in the grace and strength of God. Giving away 2 conference tickets away for the webinar! a Rafflecopter giveaway

Being Bold in the Balance: A Cow or a Bull?

 

The cow that did me in.

Our family moved many, many times over the years. What a grand adventure it has been. Through all of our transitions, there was a season that brought us to Walnut Springs, a town of 712 people. Listen to the podcast below about our "country, retreat" experience, and what happens when a confident mother says, "all cows are friendly."

[audio mp3="http://sallyclarkson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/MH-141029_mixdown.mp3"][/audio]

As a mother, I was expecting a friendly cow, rather than a raging bull. Somewhere in between our great dreams and life's true circumstance is where God wants us to be. We must balance the bold ideals with the factual realities.

We dream of being such great mothers when we are pregnant--and we hope for a friendly cow--but sometimes we get the bull! May God give you grace to accept the bullish parts of your life and have wisdom on how to face them! :)

*****************************************

Hi to all the friends who have attended our previous e-conferences and those who have requested that I do more! I am so excited about the material in this event as we will delve into the fundamentals of developing a long-term vision for motherhood. Each of the foundations I will be talking about will also give some practical ideas of what this looks like in day-to-day life. With ideas about traditions, rhythms of life, discipleship principles and more, we will unlock the secret of living well for the long run. This conference is designed to benefit all women, Moms and otherwise. I would so appreciate it if you would help me spread the news about this conference. Hope you can join us next Monday night!

Hope you can join me in the conference this week. Below is a  summary  about the conference.

From the early years of marriage and motherhood, to navigating the tumultuous waters of teenaged children, Sally Clarkson has walked through many changing seasons as a Mom. Now, as she re-imagines her role as mother to her grown children living out into the world, Sally reflects on what it means to fully live into the calling of motherhood, and how to last for the long haul. From her heart of experience, Sally shares secrets for weathering the storms and thriving as a Mom no matter the circumstances. Join us for an immersive night of stories, practical ideas, and heartfelt advice.

Please consider joining me at this conference! I will be giving 2 conferences away for free or refund your money if you win and have already registered. Feel free to use one of the paragraphs above for sharing about the conference or just share this post! The winners will be announced next Monday on my blog!

a Rafflecopter giveaway The winner of the Joel's Christmas music and Ann's book is: Beverly S. Congratulations!

For many of you who have asked, you may buy Joel's Christmas music to bring delightful Carols into your home this Christmas, go HERE!

Shaping Your Child to Live Outside the Box

SPOTTED????

or STRIPED????

quiet or loud? Intellectual or artistic? orderly or inspirational? driven or gentle? Humorous or serious?

“Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed.” Romans 12: 1

Early one morning, my chatterbox little boy ran into the room, jumped on the couch next to me, snuggled and said with a sparkle, “Come on, admit it, mama! You must love me the best because I am the most fun of all your kids.”

Followed by, “Nuh huh! She loves me best because I help her the most and you just get into trouble!”

And so the conversation escalated. My answer, “I love you the Nathanest! I love you the Joy-est!” You each have a place in my heart that only you can fit.

Personality–what a strange animal!

Perhaps you prefer one type of personality, and some personalities are surely easier to deal with. But the reality is, all personalities are holy to the Lord.

God gave me two introverts and two extroverts and a variety of different issues in between to shepherd. He expanded my soul and stretched me by challenging me to look at them from His eyes.

We live in a world that values conformity. We want to use our force, our power, our authority to make people, and our children, fit into the box. Be good. Be tame. Be moral. Don’t bring attention to yourself. Don’t contend or question the norm.

I remember a time when Nathan had brought some boys home from a class he was taking. A mile high pile of chocolate chip cookies, just out of the oven, was the enticement for them to stay around in my kitchen and jabber. One of the boys always called me, “Dude, mama.” From him, it was a compliment. I had attained approval.

As they were talking, they said, “We thought Nathan was so weird when he first came into our class. He walked up to the teacher and introduced himself and said he was looking forward to being in the class. We all thought, ‘Everyone knows you don’t speak to a teacher in front of everyone else.”

He then went on to say, “All of us learned by third grade to fit in, don’t do anything that would call attention to yourself or you would be bullied by the whole group, all of your peers gang up against anyone who is different—everyone is supposed to fit in. So when Nathan comes and doesn’t care what people think and makes friends with everyone, even the teachers, it blew our grid of norm. Truly, for a while, everyone thought he was a weirdo.”

Quietness but fire underneath fits the description of one child, while steady Freddy, slow but dependable; funny, in your face charming, another. All have pushed my buttons through the years, but they have humbled me, too, in a good way. I now know for sure that I cannot control my children–they are free agents with a will and desires and dreams, all unique to the call on their lives and the personalities God gave them.

But, no matter the personality, I am called to shepherd them to love God, to teach and train them to have the character underneath that they will need to complete the tasks God gives them to do in their life time.

Today I am writing at Thebettermom.com Read the rest of the article there!

A little aside: Correcting my article yesterday from Heathrow airport failed so the Mentoring Monday article now shares a little bit more of my thought--but the internet is not always my friend. So you can see a reedited article there.

I hope you will all join me next Monday night for a fun, inspiring evening for my e-conference. How do traditions, love, wisdom, a good life, blessed days fit into an overall plan for life with a vision for how to live well each day? These are profound ideas that shaped the life of my home that I can't wait to share with you! Register this week and plan to attend with your friends! Register Here

Secrets revealed, Virtue: The Legacy that Brings Light to Life Mentoring Monday

Sheldonian Library, Oxford

(The library where my girls study!)

Ah, to walk the ancient streets of Oxford for a week has inspired me. I had one free airline ticket and a half week of free hotels and meals, so I grabbed the opportunity to come see two of my favorite people! What a great week to meet moms here and have the chance to encourage them at the Kilns. (CS Lewis's home), and to meet with other friends.

I wondered if the pressure would be too much--20 2000 word papers in 3 1/2 months--approximately. So much of what we had done was idealistic mixed with chores, ear infections, fusses, and somehow I never felt like I was preparing my children enough.

Positive Peer Pressure

One of the thoughts that has struck a chord in my heart, through every meeting and lots of conversations with Sarah and Joy and their friends, is that they love being here because they are being stretched in such excellent ways.

When one is in the company of others who challenge them to become their best, there is a sense of honor and gratification that comes from straining towards the positive expectation that people have communicated they can live into. Because the teachers expect the papers to be turned in, the standard is clear writing and an ability to defend their ideas, both girls are working all the time, but instead of finding it a negative experience, they both love the environment. The conversations we shared assured me that their brains are fairly bursting with ideas, understanding and convictions.

I could actually, almost, see their brains growing. It made me wish that I had been so challenged in my own life and it created in me a new hunger to learn and grow in knowledge! The spirit of enthusiasm was almost contagious.

"Mama, it is doing a paper that seems impossible and getting positive feedback that makes me keep going--the integrity to do the work independently out of my own integrity and then seeing that I am capable of so much more than I thought. "

I could actually, almost, see their brains growing.

They actually like being stretched to the hilt and coming out sharpened by the company they are keeping. Most all of the people are here because they want to be excellent in their field and the stakes are high. It is a miraculous privilege that God worked out in an amazing way for them to be here. But the exposure to great thoughts and capable people challenges them to live into their own potential.

"He who walks with the wise will be wise."

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

This has caused me to think about how this applies to our own lives as women. I will be writing about virtue, how to acquire it, how to practice it, envision it, in the weeks ahead, because I have seen that the life vision of a woman determines the growth and character  of a women. I will also be hosting an e-conference next Monday night, about building a vision around Biblical, eternal goals that gives energy to life.

This whole aspect of becoming the person/woman God gave us the capacity to become, and to "grow into" is profound in its implications. If we surround ourselves with others more excellent, whose lives may challenge our own and instruct us beyond our current levels of maturity and capacity, we will always grow and become more excellent, even as my girls are straining towards more excellence by being in the company of those better than themselves in writing and education. It gives them a goal to reach toward.

This reminded me of a meeting I had this summer with a mentor/older, wiser woman who challenged me by her own life.

Antonio Mancini

"From almost the first few months of marriage, I knew that my life would be difficult. My husband didn't know how to love me and I was lonely most of my life. People supposed that we had a vibrant marriage, but he could never show affection, romance or kindness. But that was the place, this impossible place, where I knew God wanted me to flourish."

Leaves were swirling off the aspen trees as gentle winds caught their handles and purple clouds gathered outside the window. But inside, the crackling fire in the heart, candles lit and a pot of tea steaming, I felt safe, wrapped in a cloak of security and acceptance.

I had occasion to meet with an older missionary I had long admired and was so honored to share this hour together. But it wasn't just the atmosphere that comforted me deep within, it was her story. It is always easy to suppose that godliness is easier for some than it is for others, and I had supposed this about her.

My friend told me:

"I don't know why I am telling you this part of my story at this time, but somehow it may be useful to your own life. I was young and idealistic when I got married, and it did not take long to realize that my husband and I were very different. He has never been able to be romantic or affectionate or kind. His own background prohibited it. And so, others supposed that our missionary work was my greatest accomplishment--what they could observe on the outside. But my real story of spiritual work will be the faithfulness I chose to live out one day at a time when no one but God knew the work of faith that was going on in hidden places. Most of my days were unnoticed, tedious, the same as yesterday and the day before. The shaping of children's hearts without input, help or accountability often gave me a sense of insecurity, especially when I knew I had messed up with anger, impatience or despair."

"But it is what you practice, day after day, that builds your integrity, your character, your strength, your message--what you do when no one is looking. And so this is the place I became spiritually strong. God gave me a testing ground for my soul--this place of being faithful, generous, loving even if I received nothing in return. This place of difficulty became my greatest lifetime glory. Never underestimate the hidden, unseen acts of obedience."

My own life has been full of struggles of all sorts. Some I write about and some I keep private, to honor those personally involved in my life. Seems like many life issues were not naturally easy for me. And so understanding the deep struggles my friend endured, helped me to feel understood in my own life puzzle.

She had lived the mundane, the draining days, the fears that assail, the insecurities, just like I had in my life. The messages she spoke about were even more meaningful to me now.

Somehow, it is easy for us to think that if others are strong, or leaders in their field, that they naturally came by this godly courage. Yet, my friend's life reminded me that her excellence was built in a real, day by day life. Her messages came out of the experience of seeking God for wisdom amidst challenging, overwhelming circumstances. Her own excellence drove me, even at this stage of my life, to keep stretching and straining towards a more excellent life.

But what I have found over the years,  that the strongest and greatest people I have come to know  became godly because they mounted up over their challenges. But they were able to be strong because they had an understanding of basic Biblical virtues that held them fast, gave them a way forward, informed their decisions.

I know from my own life, it was those times I was tempted to give up, to run away, to be bitter, and yet chose to do the right thing, where the integrity of my own testimony and story was built. In my 60's, I constantly seek ways to grow, to excel, to love more and to live more intentionally for Jesus. My friend's story kept me wanting to move forward on that path.  Seeing that she faced her tests head on and made a place of beauty out of her faith, her fortitude and her personal commitment within the limitation of her story, gave me comfort and the impetus to keep going faithfully through my own life puzzles. This is what deeply encouraged me.

Our circumstances were different. The challenges in our lives were not exactly the same. But to know she had faced her deepest fears, darknesses, confessed her sin to God, strengthened the weak places in her life, faced her selfishness head on and found God's grace to live a flourishing story, is what  encouraged to continue to push through the puzzle of my own life.

Virtuous woman, Pinterest

A virtuous woman, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31

My friend was speaking about personal integrity--the character that serves one through life to lead them to practice loving, working hard, being loyal to family and the demanding tasks that involves, choosing to believe in God's goodness in the dark times, serving generously--all of these traits are what come from a life of virtuous living.

Virtue was a concept that captivated the imagination of spiritual leaders in the Victorian Era. A simple definition is moral excellence. Another ancient source that I found suggests that the root of virtue is really "Man Power" or "man strength."

A Need for Virtue

What is Christian virtue? So many lists, books, articles I have been reading reveal different aspects of a Christians look at virtue. However, I believe that since God created us to be like Him, to reflect the character of Christ, Christian virtue is becoming like Christ in our character, moral excellence, faith and obedience.

Virtue arises from the heart. Whatever we cherish there, we will become. Envisioning moral excellence, the specific attributes of Jesus' life that showed us the depth of His love and wisdom, then we shall become more excellent. If we desire to live nobly, with integrity, to be excellent, to love generously, to worship Christ truly, then we will desire to live this out in the moments of our lives, and this will be the grid from which we live and breathe.

However, virtue is more than just a heart attitude. Virtue is all of these attributes lived out in an obedient, disciplined life. It is the doing of noble things we have cherished in our heart. We have spiritual capacity, even as we have muscular capacity. Yet, muscles only become strong with use. And so it is with our virtue. It is a capacity that grows stronger, more mature with practice, daily, yearly over a lifetime.

And so the doing of the noble things we can conceive in our hearts is a reflection of how to acquire a virtuous life.

Ignorance and lack of Biblical education destroys spiritual potential.

Hosea 4: 6, teaches us, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge."

When the voices we listen to are relative to scripture, and compromising in nature, then we lose the vision of holiness- and become like the other compromising people surrounding us. Yet, seeking to find and surround ourselves with the strongest Christian women, seeking to practice holiness, wanting to grow in wisdom and knowledge is the knowledge that gives life instead of killing our soul. God is our instructor and wants to stretch us to the sacred life, one set aside for His purposes, a life consecrated that is fuller, better, more fulfilling, capturing eternal purposes.

And so, the same for our children. If we are merely living life with them as a chore to do, a duty to fulfill on a ho hum basis, then our lives will reflect our limited goals. But if we desire them to live into the potential God has placed in their lives, then we will have energy for the task and knowledge to understand how to stretch them in character and virtue which will also stretch ourselves.

In the Mentoring Mondays ahead, I will be looking at different aspects of virtue, how to understand it and how to cultivate in our lives and the lives of our children.

And I hope many of you will be able to join me next Monday night, where I will be speaking in an e-conference about what it looks like to acquire and develop a vision that will carry you through all the seasons of your life. This will be a conference that all women could enjoy and be challenged by--not just moms. I practiced some of these concepts on women here in the UK and they seemed quite encouraged by the principles.

People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray. Proverbs 10:17

I pray my girls will continue walking the pathways of discipline that they may grow fully into their potential.

Register Here for the e-conference! 

What kind of friend are you?

"Friendship is an extraordinary and often costly gift from God, a beautiful reminder that we are not expected to do life alone." -10 Gifts of Wisdom

Ding ding

"So, sweet friend, when will we see each other again? Tea at my house next Wed. morning, Thursday afternoon or the following Monday anytime. We need our time. Love you and praying."

This message always fills my heart with a sense of amazement. My friend thought of me--again! And she keeps us going because she invests in me, initiates to me, loves me--No Matter What!

What a gift to find a friend whose integrity keeps her faithful. A true treasure.

I have had to search for true kindred spirits and authentic community over the years. The truth is, we must all minister to a wide variety of people. Yet, I have purposefully sought to find friends who have the life of Christ bubbling up within them, in order to fill my own heart with wisdom from those who keep me seeking to pursue God in His holiness. Positive peer pressure, you might say!

Excellent women are hard to come by. The ones I’ve known who truly make a difference in my life, are dedicated to pursuing God no matter what, and their priorities show the investment they have made. With my closest friends, I understand that they have made their own commitment to walking with God, so when I am with them, I know I will be drawing from the investment they have made every day, for years on end. When I am with them, I will want to be better, my spirit will be filled with grace and wisdom just be being with them.They have become, even in friendship, what they practice living every day, and so I glean from their sharpened spirits. Iron sharpens iron.

Making it a habit to spend time with the Lord on a regular basis, to walk obediently in service to Him, to study and follow Him, knowing His ways--these are just a few of their commitments. Many of these women had extremely difficult backgrounds and had to learn scripture and truth by pursuing it very intentionally and purposefully. By following the Lord through studying and obeying His word, they became beautiful reflections of Christ! It’s a question of priority: who will you spend the most time with? Pay the most attention to? Whose voice will you tune your ear to hear? Whose words will be held nearest to your heart?

How can you become a "go-to" friend?

Proverbs is filled with wisdom about having strong and good relationships!

A gentle answer turns away wrath.

A friend loves at all times.

Where there are many words conflict is unavoidable.

Other scripture gives great friendship advice:

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Let your conversation be seasoned, as it were, with salt so you may add grace to the hearer.

Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Love is patient, love it kind, it does not seek its own.

Determine that you will read the word of God every day, because this is the place you will find instruction for every area of living.

Then, you must decide that you will be mature, patient, long-suffering, loving another as you want to be loved.

Remember, Jesus said, the two most important commandments are to love God, but then love our neighbor.

So, choose to believe in and trust Him every day, in every circumstance, because that is the way to please Him--but it is also the path of strong relationships. Pray for His guidance and live knowing His presence goes with you.

It is the engaged, loving heart--the one that hungers to know and live for God, by practicing following His model of unconditional love--that will become a heart that others may draw from. There is nothing else to replace it--no cleverness or self-strength or rules or formula that can replace the palpable life that comes from living day by day, holding on to God's hand, and thus becoming a well-spring from which others can draw.

Do you want your children to draw from the Life that is bubbling over from your heart, mind, words, and attitudes? Then you must spend day after day with the Word of Life who will give you the true source of wisdom and love you long for. Even as a house is built one brick at a time and yet has the potential of becoming a mansion, so a wise woman builds her house--one brick at time--into a home of spirituality that comes from spending so much time with Him, the greatest friend of all.

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” -Ecclesiastes 4:11

Take a moment to complete the reflection and application below:

• "He who walks with wise men will be wise ...” As you consider your current set of friends, are most of them of the encouraging sort--not just encouraging you as far as compliments, but encouraging your growth in the Lord? How might you build more relationships of that type?

• “ ... But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Prov. 13:20 What about the flip side? Do you have friends whose choices and priorities could be considered foolish? We know the Lord wants us to reach out to all types of people. Yet when it comes to choosing close friends, we must take care. Are there relationships you may need to curtail if you are to grow as a godly woman?

• Apply these same parameters with your children’s friends. It would make a great topic of discussion!

YOU CAN REGISTER NOW FOR THE UPCOMING E-CONFERENCE!

To Build your life well, you need a vision that stays with you through all the years--the joys and the difficulties. This vision is not just for moms, but for all women. When you understand  your heritage, your calling, your design, your resources, you are able to keep strong through all the seasons of life.I just previewed some of this material with the wonderful women in England. This may be my favorite so far. Hope you can join me! Register HERE

Grace in the Pursuit of Excellence

"For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." -Proverbs 2:6

Our world will constantly offer many different comparisons and ideas as to how we should be parenting, instructing, training, mothering, and loving our children. In the midst of the overwhelming opinions from Pinterest, family members, and other moms, we must remember to strive for God's standards, not the world's standards.

While it is wonderful to shoot for excellence (and our family is extremely idealistic), each of your children will be unique, and will have their own different set of beautiful qualities. There will not be one single definition of excellence that fits every one of your intricately designed children. God is the source of wisdom, intelligence, and excellence, and it is through your faithfulness to Him that He will reveal what is best for your home and your family. The podcast below is for all of the sweet mamas out there who have ever thought, "maybe I'm just not doing enough." Remember to give yourself grace today.

[audio mp3="http://sallyclarkson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/MH-141106.mp3"][/audio]

PS We know that the link does not work. We will be changing the date and putting in a fresh link as we are switching to another host! But it will be up in the next couple of days. Thanks for your patience. (Hard to manage from England!:))

***Coming soon--another e-conference with Sally Clarkson that you won't want to miss.

EDIT: We just updated the link below, as well as the date (the event is on the 17th of November, we accidentally listed the 11th of November). Click on the picture to register!