There are Those Days....

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Sleeping Beauty by Edward Brewtnall

There are those days when I wonder if I have accomplished anything of significance. Sometimes it seems all of my children are out of sorts with me, and I wonder why I have made all of this effort to work hard, love well, teach profoundly and to please Jesus. Those days you wonder if it all really matters.

Those times when you don't feel loving inside and you hope no one will notice because you feel like if you were a good mom you would feel love all the time.

Those times when you expected to have 5 minutes to read a book or talk to a friend or take a tiny little nap--when someone finds you, needs you, AGAIN!

Those times when you know by faith that God is good, but you just aren't quite sure if you see any hope of Him answering your prayers.

Those times when you don't think you can face one more dirty dish or make one more meal.

Those times when just walking into your living room depresses you because you can't imagine that you will ever have enough strength to straighten it up again.

Those times the Christian bubble drives you crazy and you don't feel like you belong anywhere.

Yet, when I am cranky all the time, short with my children, friends, Clay and the world,...,

When I begin to feel dark inside for no apparent reason, I have learned that

A very long sleep, as long as sleeping beauty's, begins to help me feel like I might be a human being again sometime.

Hiding from the crowds, voices, expectations

Taking a long walk in the mountains at sunset

Having a massage

Being with ones I love on my front porch in the rockers in the still evening chill or the early morning quiet and just sitting, listening, time to ponder and drink in a moment of calm

playing quiet music in a dark, candle-lit room where no one can find me

a nice hot bath that covers my tummy and shoulders and soaking for a very long time

Either a cappuccino with an extra shot and 2 raw sugars or strong English tea in a real china cup with dark salted chocolate almonds.

A morning out in a favorite 5 star hotel where I can sit all by myself with no one talking

A breakfast or lunch with a sweet friend who gets me and doesn't want anything from me

To read the Psalms

A personal time with one of my children when they just want to be my friend

A drive through the country roads with music blaring and wind coming through the windows

To watch a pleasing movie with a happy ending and happy people--nothing tragic or sad.

God is in these moments of grace because God made us for a physical world-for food, drink, touch, music, beauty to see, --and it is in experiencing his graces in our physical, real, tangible world, where sometimes we run  into God Himself, strolling through the garden of our lives.

Sometimes these are the most necessary things for me to stay healthy, strong, still believing in ideals, and to try not to blow apart,

is not one more task to complete or chore to finish or way to try to be more perfect--

But sometimes all I need is a break from the pressures and duties of normal life. A sweet one to hug me and tell me they love me, again.

A grace to sustain me on this marathon life. What helps you through those days?

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Remember today is the last day to get Own Your Life for $2.99 on Amazon. Hope it encourages you.

 

PS

Much of life seems impossible. But I had a sudden light bulb moment somewhere in the midst of my years that if I didn’t take care of myself, no one else was probably going to initiate to me in this way. One of Clay’s jobs required him to work 70 hours a week and we were far away from home.

It was when I had 3 children, 6 and under. I bought a double stroller at a second hand store and stuffed Sarah in with the boys. This is when my long walks began. We would walk around the neighborhoods, walk in parks, on nature trails. Somehow getting all of us out helped all of us to have better attitudes.

I would trade with a mom friend once a month–I would take her children for the afternoon, she would do the same.

Clay would take the kids once a month out for breakfast or to a park or nature center for a whole morning or afternoon so I could have “me” time.

I started warm baths when the kids were small–to relax after they went to bed–and when we moved, I would always look for houses that had those old bath tubs that I could fill up high with water.

What I found for myself was, if I did not refuel along the way, I would become angry, grumpy and tended toward drill sergeant mode and somewhere along the way, I knew one of the gifts my children needed from me was a happy mom.

I began to learn I was the only one who could give that to them. I did homeschool 4 children into adulthood, had children with learning disabilities, mental illness, asthmatics with emergency equipment in our home, 17 moves, six times internationally, and all that comes with this. It is indeed a long term commitment and a marathon of sorts, but to make it well, I believe a mom needs to figure out how to bring some graces into her life. May God grant you grace and peace today.

Today You Are Writing the Story of Your Life

dd650dd528cb4658143c0e6274b19cc3Today, I am living my dreams. I remember when I was 33 years old, I trudged through the snowy streets of Vienna where we lived, to a tiny little coffee shop down the street from our old home. The snow was a four foot wall on either side of the sidewalk where I slipped through the middle. Thirty-five days in a row of below 32 degree temperature necessitated me getting out of the house for a little while. I thought I might explode if I stayed there any longer. Sarah was almost 3 and Joel was barely 3 months old. My life was made up of nursing, changing diapers, trying to keep Sarah happy by playing with her inside our 100 year old, cold, 900 square foot home, and then the cooking, cleaning, getting up in the middle of the night and then doing it again. Somehow, this period of life seemed that it would never end, an endless merry-go-round of floating from one day after the other, but all very much the same.

Settling into my cushioned chair in the corner, I felt quite an adult. Ordering a melange, (cappucino), I got out my journal and started writing down how I felt about life. Someday, ..., I would like to....

Dreams, wishes, ideals, hopes spilled over from my heart to the lined pages.

"Some day, I would like to be a writer and be an author of books that encourage and inspire women."

I didn't know if God had seen my heart filled with hopes of faith, dreams, desire, but it was a sacred moment between me and Him that I will not forget.

Eleven years passed. Quiet times, teaching Bible studies, homeschooling my children, moving 5 more times, and making 1000 more meals, washing 2000 loads of clothes, and losing a fair amount of sleep, two miscarriages, and lots of life washed under the bridge. I prayed, worked, and built messages of life through seasons of years of putting one foot in front of the other.

My messages were not some "pie in the sky" out of touch with reality sort of messages. But, right in the messes of life, "God is here," "His beauty is in the moments," "His fingerprints are in my home, in the smiles of my little ones" sort of messages. He knew I needed years of authenticity in order to live through messages He was writing on my heart.

And then, my first book, Mom's conferences and speaking engagements began to bubble up. Eventually 11 books would spill out of my heart, but only when they had time to simmer right where I was living.

Faith, faithfulness and living and, ....., growing closer to God.

Each of us has a unique story to live. We are called to love, serve, inspire, help, give and He will direct the works of our lives and the ways we may each bring light--if we are willing to follow Him and do His bidding.

Each of us has a work to do for Him in this world. It starts with a choice to love, serve, and grow in Him today, right where you are. Today is a part of the story you are writing.

What kind of story are you writing with your life today?

Own Your Life - Book Promo from Whole Heart on Vimeo.

Buy Own Your Life today for only $2.99 on Kindle! HERE

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Just Keep Laughing and don't let life get you down

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They caught me giggling.....

What a great week I have had. Joy has been home for one week from school and so I decided it was to be our week of celebrating life together. Putting aside the duties of details of life, I worked on the eternally valuable work of being best friends. What a great decision this was. After tea times every day, a couple of great movies, sleeping in, walking in our favorite places where spring was budding all over and going out to breakfast twice, I now have a whole heart full of new memories made.

Duties are always there. Remember, Jesus said, "Martha, you are worried about so many things." And take time to enjoy this day, this family, this place in the season of life--and laugh at one of my own embarrassing days a couple of years ago.

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Once after a marathon of a winter with sick children, lots of snow, ministry conferences and 3 teenagers and one elementary child in the house, a sweet angel friend bought me a massage. It just took one time to make me a fan. Now, I save my treasured extra dollars in a secret drawer and when I have enough saved, I treat myself to a massage, as I am quite sure it must be good for my health.

I was looking back at some pictures from a year ago, and ran into this anecdote from a last year, as Joy and I were squishing together on the couch at home tonight, looking at old pictures, stalking instagram,  and we giggled all over again!

So enjoy my true story that still makes me laugh!

A couple of weeks ago, I went in for a massage and it was wonderful.

When it was over, I dressed in the dim lights and could hardly see anything.

I then went to three stores, when at the last store, a lady gently came forward and said, "I don't know if I will offend you, but did you know your shirt is on wrong side out and all the tags are showing and the buttons are backwards? Just thought you might want to know."

To think I went through 3 stores that way----life is generally humbling.

But, it actually made me giggle, over and over throughout the day!

Joy told me of a quote that she was thinking about, and it made her giggle.

"A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone,

somewhere, is having fun."

H. L. Mencken

Though I have nothing against Puritans, this probably expresses what my children sometimes thought of me!

All of life a serious issue and no room for humor!

Perhaps there are times we just need to lighten up and have fun and enjoy the fun that life has given to us.

Too much instruction, too much seriousness or correction is heavy for a child's spirit and becomes just way--"too much."

So next time you wear your shirt wrong-side out, just giggle and get a good laugh-don't take yourself too seriously.

Don't be afraid to smile or to let your children be silly or just act their age. (And I think Jesus wants us to be as children, too.)

Don't be afraid to laugh at your 4 year old boy's silly joke. ( Joel said, "What happened when the snail crossed the road? He got squished!" hahahahaha--this was a 4 year old joke in our home! Smile and giggle--you will live longer."

(And please no one write to me about the person who wrote this quote--a satirist, who was a journalist and did not especially like Christians. I know! But his quip did reflect a bit of truth--that I have seen at times in myself and in others.)

Maybe, as believers, and as moms,

it would just be good for us to celebrate laughter and life a little bit more than always being too serious.

Research shows that a person who smiles 10 times a day, is happier and raises his happy hormone levels immensely. So sometimes in the car while driving, I will smile 10 times--because scripture is actually true--a joyful heart is good medicine, and it drives my kids crazy and then to laughter.

There were times when my children told me to "lighten up," and I actually found it to be good advice--less stressful on the body!

Hope your day has at least a couple of good laughs in it. :)

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Friends: The Fuel to Keep our Souls Alive

photo Phyllis sally Lemon

Phyllis Stanley, my dear friend and mentor, and me!

(In Italy at Mama Agata's cooking class.)

Yes, these lemons were real and came from the trees around us.

This week, Joy is home and I am drinking in my own kindred spirit who happens to be my child. We made a priority to go together to visit my dear friend, Phyllis. I know that we are committed life friends and that every time I am with her, I will be filled, loved, encouraged in some way. Making commitments to try to be with my sweet friends that God has brought over the years, who "get" me, is a life-time commitment I am making. I am not good at cell phone or emails, but I try to make places in my life to build on those friendships that keep me faithful in my path.  A lifetime of friendships is only kept through mutual working at the friendships and commitment. Cultivate friendships today and they will be a blessing 10 years from now.

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Deep, dark loneliness was a constant companion of my heart for many years. I ached inside for a friend, or someone who cared for me--someone who would even notice me. As a friend-oriented person, I had known deep friendship, but it seemed that once I became a mother, no one was there--and no one reached out to me.

The illusion that if we moved to a new town or joined a new church or group kept us, even as a family. searching for kindred spirits, like-minded friends.

We faithfully attended many groups, meetings, studies, but we were mainly the ones reaching out and often we just didn't seem to fit the mold of other people's expectations.

I remember once when Sarah was washing dishes, again, she said, "Wouldn't it be nice if some time someone would invite our whole family over for dinner and we wouldn't have to be the ones who cooked, cleaned and washed dishes--again!"

Even as a then 12 year old, she wondered at the seeming loneliness of our family as a group.

The kids often made friends over the years as we would move from place to place. And we always had people we "did stuff" with, but very few kindred spirits.

God had made our family exceedingly idealistic, artistic, verbal, and a very close knit family. Our family felt close to each other, but it was hard to find a "match" with someone else.

As I would tearfully pray one more time, God began to speak to me very gently.

"Two are better than one. Woe to the one who has no one to lift him up."

That was me--no one to lift me up. And then there was the Titus 2 verse about older women teaching the younger about motherhood, marriage, and all the rest.

But, it seemed I did not know any older women who wanted to spend time with me--and let's be honest--very few women, that when I observed their lives, I wanted to influence me. And there were not many my own age, either, who seemed to draw me to the depth I wanted to live from deep inside of my heart.

But, I knew and felt that I desperately needed a friend--someone to share my burdens, my doubts, my insecurities, my fears, my struggles.

I wrote in my journal what kind of mentor I wanted:

1. Someone who was spiritual, excellent, deep, idealistic. I wanted someone who when I was with them,  made me want to love God more. I wanted someone whose life and the expression of their lives, would inspire me.

2.  Someone who "got" me and my ideals and actually liked them. As a mom with 4 children, homeschooling, discipleship oriented, it was hard to find others who were ahead of me--it seemed I was always the one ahead of others and I didn't always know what I was doing!

3. A real friend, someone with whom I could enjoy life and have fun--a must.

4. I wanted older, younger and same age in my life--someone ahead, someone behind, someone where I was. (A mentor does not have to be older--just kindred and responsive.)

But God put on my heart to seek friends as a hidden treasure--that it was for me to find and cherish and not to sit around and wait.

I have found that the best friends are those who perceive themselves to be "givers."

--people who are seeking in some way to invest their lives in others for the kingdom. Givers and servants are already on the move and so are open to being a friend.

 I joined some Bible studies over the years, and I would keep my eyes out for someone committed and excited about their spiritual life--perhaps a missionary, a mom who loved her home, family and children, a leader. Then I would ask them if I could spend time with them.

This whole concept of "keeping my antennae out" has helped me so much over the years. It meant looking, actively seeking for that person who was giving of her own life,  or who had a heart need that I could meet and also someone engaged in some kind of ministry or leadership, someone who had "life" about them--that now I define the "life" and the "light" of Christ.--or a hunger to have that life.

Where Jesus is, there will be a sparkle, an excitement, a burning to want more out of life.

And so, I would almost always have to be the one who would make it happen--with many women--I would host lunches, have different women over for tea, meet women for coffee, looking searching for "excellent" women who would draw me to the best of spiritual ideals. I have started small groups in my home, over and over and over again.

But often, it was in the reaching out to others and building small groups, that I found my best friends--sowing the threads of our lives together by serving in mutual ministries we loved. And then, our children would also become friends--serving along side us in purposeful ministries in which we were involved. And so began the community--husbands met husbands, traditions started, history has been made.

I realized that if I wanted godly friends in my life, I needed to look for them, cultivate them, love them and encourage them as I would want to be encouraged.

So I would:

1. Initiate with many women, somehow, some way in the midst of a very busy life with 4 children and ministry--I knew I needed it.

2. I made writers my mentors--and would search out books and writers who stimulated my ideals.

3. I would make it a priority to look for other women who seemed hungry for friendship, and because I needed it, I assumed others needed friendship and so I would "do to them what I wanted them to do to me" and

I would call them, send them notes or emails, intentionally tell them the ways I admired them, and I would invest in their lives and in our friendship.

relevant-bloggers114 Sarah Mae and Sally

It's how I met Sarah Mae, my co-author of Desperate--I saw her serving and reaching out through her conference, and  as I was in the habit of reaching out, I reached out to her and she responded back.

You see, Jesus is the lover who reached out, initiated, poured out His love for our benefit. And so in friendship, I began to see myself as a giver of love, a builder of friendships and an initiator of life. 

In giving my life, I found that eventually God gave me the friends and board members and ministry partners and girl friends that I needed and wanted.

And now,

I have friends who serve side by side with me in conferences.

Friends who run leadership conferences with me here in Colorado.

Friends who write a blog network with me.

Friends who live all over the United States and the world, who meet with me whenever we are in the same place. Friends I call, email, pray with, play and adventure all over the world together.

We all sort of mentor each other because we are committed to each other's well being.

Friendship--mentor relationships are an investment--and require intentional giving and planning. Even as a house that is built requires a plan and effort, so friendships grow out of intention and giving and cultivating.

But when I follow the pattern of Jesus--calling the disciples, meeting with them, "doing life" with them, teaching them, serving them, then I had His pattern of giving of Himself.

A personal example

 My friend, Phyllis, is my mentor and dear friend. She is 13 years older than me. There was an immediate connection between us because of our mutual commitments and value for ministry and cultivating a life-giving home.

Yet, because she is very busy and has so many friends, (She and her husband have been on staff with the Navigators for many years, in the States and Internationally.), I just made an assumption that she would be too busy for me. Too many people wanted her attention and friendship. How would she find time for me?

Yet, she was the kind of friend I knew would call me to the ideals I wanted to pursue. So when she had a Bible study, I would ask to join.  Cooking classes held in her home, would find me with my two girls participating. I pursued her as often as time allowed. I looked for every opportunity to be with her and responded to every invitation. And I also initiated times together. I honored the value of our friendship with my time.

She always constantly asked  women come over to her house for cup of tea and talking. And so I made it my habit to ask her if I could come to her home and share a cup of tea with her and also if she wanted to come to my home as often as I could work it out.

I tried to insert myself in her life as much as I could and sought to be of encouragement and support to her amidst her busy life. When I was with her, she almost always opened her Bible, she was always reading some new book. Always, there would be a cup of tea, a candle and flowers waiting for me to feel special in her home. She lived a life of integrity that always inspired me to want to be more excellent. I would copy her, a wise woman!

And so a few years ago, I told her that my life required  regular "Phyllis" time, and so we have loosely made a habit that when I am in town and she is in town, we would get together every week or two. And so making each other a regular commitment in the midst of very active lives, developed into a deep, loving friendship that now, after 15 years, has deep roots.

Three international trips, ministry together, her discipling my own girls, reaching out to other moms and friends together, prayer, meals, spiritual accountability, and more have come because we made our friendship something we would both cherish and invest in, amidst the thousands of demands of our own lives, because we knew that we needed each other.

The life of friendship and the influence of a mentor comes from initiating love and cultivating heart commitments.

And so it is true in life,

"Two are better than one, a strand of three chords is not easily broken,"

and so working diligently and pursuing actively a godly friendship is indeed a treasure.

My books that talk about friendship and mentoring! 9k=-1

Desperate-3D

Maybe Spring Fever is Biblical!

IMG_5306_600x800It all began in St. James Park, near Buckingham Palace, a couple of weeks ago. Sarah and I were meeting on her spring break from Oxford to write a book together. I was sequestered in a small hotel room with a computer and was supposed to be writing a profoundly insightful book. It was just 38 degrees outside, but the daffodils were telling a different story. I had to take a walk to clear my poor little overworked brain. (and the above daffodil picture was taken 8 days later in Hyde Park.)

Every year, it hits me hard. And now, I just give into it, because I am a smart girl! :) Truly, there are times when I can't do one more responsible thing. I am a driven person, you see, and I can get a lot done--as all the moms in the world I know do most of the time, but.....

So, is it too early to have spring fever? Every year, it hits, I share my guilt with you, and find, it is not just me. Each year I write a little differently about spring fever, but always the symptoms are the same.

I may never write or blog or do anything productive ever again. Joy is here for spring break now, and we are just having a fun week. Mounting up over daily life right now in order to be responsible just seems impossible and overly demanding.

My house needs organizing. Groceries need to be bought. Meals must be made. Birthday presents for Clay, Sarah and Joy who have May birthdays,  need to be gathered. I still haven't unpacked my bag from 2 weeks ago--but I do keep it every day--and ignoring it! Commitments are piling high as I ignore them.

But, my brain is empty and I just want to play, or nap, or watch a movie!

I want to eat something wonderful without thought of calorie or fat or sugar--or washing the dishes--and all by myself with no one else to even taste my piece!

I need to answer correspondence.

 I have another book manuscript due April 30, but I haven't even tried to write anything this week.

Right now, I do think I am desperate for about a year off, with a maid to wait on me while I serve everyone else, and a long vacation or journey to a new place, (I love stimulation of new places as a break from the daily grind.),  long uninterrupted time with the closest of friends to some place beautiful and restful where someone cooks all of our meals and cleans up for us, probably a beach,  and no responsibility or calls or demands, and no one needing a part of me for one single moment. Maybe I would have Clay and me steal our children and escape to the mountains for a few days, if I could!

Or I would take the girls to a fun place where we would all just talk and play and talk and play and of course eat and coffee or tea a lot! Girl's club is what we call it.  (Yes, I meant to make coffee and tea verbs as we "do it" so much!)

Really, the truth is, spring fever has hit me hard, and very early.

So, is anyone else having spring fever? Anyone else out there need a mid-year adventure?

Just wondering............

Really........Really! Want to play hooky with me today?

What would you do to escape if you could?

Celebrating the Ordinary Liturgies of Life

IMG_5582 “Let us remember that the life in which we ought to be interested is “daily” life. We can each of us only call the present time our own.  Our Lord tells us to pray for today, and so He prevents us from tormenting ourselves about tomorrow." ~Gregory of Nyssa

During the past month, I have been working on a new book that celebrates the life of a healthy home. Seems that in order to have a home brimming over with life, there must be a conductor of that life! Nothing meaningful happens without work, subduing, and endurance. My sweet friend, Holly Packiam, and I share so much of the same philosophy about home and I know you will love her fresh look at a home with her precious littles all about.

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I so desperately want my life to be meaningful. Mothering often happens in the hidden places, and so sometimes I can feel unseen. I know that God knows me intimately and knows the number of hairs on my head. And yet, it’s so easy to lose sight of the truth that He is with me, really with me.

It’s just that His voice is sometimes drowned out by, well, the sounds of my younger two children fighting in the background, yet again, over a toy. I want to ignore it, to stare out my window, or to sit down and lose myself in an engaging book. Why can’t they just be kind, be sweet? Their gradually escalating argument only fueled my desire to throw my own fit. And then my head continues to turn to the sink full of dishes, and just beyond, to the baskets of laundry overflowing.

We can’t escape the daily life— the changing of diapers, the feeding of ourselves and our families, the dishes and the laundry. No matter what our stage of life, the menial and mundane will always be with us.

How will I respond to these tasks set before me? My children turn to observe me. There are moments where I sit down and cry and others where I choose to shift my perspective.

Just as I engage (or try to!) in the liturgy of morning or evening prayer, can I also choose to see the menial and mundane parts of life as moments He wants to engage us?

The menial and mundane tasks of life are opportunities to turn our hearts and mind toward the Lord. 

Folding piece after piece of my children’s laundry, an ancient breath prayer comes to mind.

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.” It is sometimes shortened as, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy” or simply, “Jesus, mercy.” Known as the “Jesus Prayer”, Christians would repeat this prayer or other simple prayers to the rhythm of their breath.

When engaging in the mundane is difficult, these prayers can ground me in the midst of the daily struggle, the chaos.  These simple prayers can invite the Holy Spirit in when my temptation is to let my mind wander to how much I dislike a mundane task or how I’m struggling to find the meaning in serving my family. Joy can be replaced by feelings of apathy or despair. By repeatedly praying breath prayers, these phrases can become rooted in my heart. I’m in the midst of learning to make this a more natural practice.

Here are some other breath prayer ideas:

Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

Holy Wisdom, Guide me.

Jesus, let me feel your love.

O Lord, Show me your way.

Abba Father, I Am Yours. 

In the book, The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris, she says, “When humans try to do everything at once and for all and be through with it, we court acedia, self-destruction, and death. Such power is reserved for God, who alone can turn what is “already done” into something that is ongoing and ever present. It is a quotidian mystery.”

What if there is a kind of spirituality vitality that would help us see menial tasks as holy work? I’m daily asking the Lord to help me to see His work through His eyes.

Join me, as I seek to dwell with God in the the midst of the mundane.

Holly Packiam at: http://awakeningwonderblog.com/

"If you are the Son of God, Get Down From Your Cross!"

"Compassion" William Adolphe Bouguereau (1897)

If you are the Son of God, get down from your cross.”

Saint Matthew says the mockers said it as they passed by, wagging their heads and hurling insults like punches.

Who passes by a crucifixion? One can only think they came on purpose to mock, spit, humiliate. Did they know as they taunted that they tempted? Could they know this was the plan? He knelt, rocking, sweat mingled with blood as he prayed. “If it is possible, let this cup pass from me. But not what I want, but what You want.”

And so He stayed.

“He saved others; He cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let him come down now from the cross and we will believe him…”

These were the chief priests and leaders. These were the men that touted scrolls and begged questions, seeking to tangle him in the chords of the law, proving his unrighteousness. Here at last, though in jest, they ask for a sign to prove once and for all that he was the Messiah. They shrug to eachother with I-didn’t-think-so smirks. How could they know?

Twice He had asked if there was another way. Twice he found himself grieved even to the point of death. But, this was the way. He was to be given into the hands of sinners.Not what I want, Father, but what you want.

And so He stayed.

He stayed on His cross for six hours. Broken and bleeding, surrounded by those who hated him, by those who cheered to see his demise. It was no shallow suffering. These were no ketchup stained hands. There was no magic trick. And in the dark He cried:

“Eli Eli Lama Sabachthani! My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?”

He quoted from the Psalms:

My God my God! Why have you forsaken me?

Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning?

Oh my God! I cry by day but you do not answer, by night, but I have no rest.

Yet, You are Holy.

And so he stayed.

He cried out.

He gave up his Spirit.

I find myself at the foot of His cross this Maundy Thursday. This ministry of His did not make sense. The Jews wanted a conquering King, parading the restored righteousness of Israel back through the gates. A King to cut down their oppressors. A King to give them back their land entirely. Instead, the Lord’s servant came. The man who healed, and was gentle and humble and meek. The despised and rejected of men.

When I look to the cross, I must bow my head, because I cannot bear to look. In the cross I see the white lies and the blood of the centuries, wars between brothers and gossip, refugees and rejectees, innocence lost and antidepressants. It tells me something true about this war torn world of ours that I don’t like to think of: We’re dying.

We are so afraid of death. When our grandparents get old, we hide them away in nursing homes so not to see their lives fade into death. Death makes a fool of all men, and we are not to be made fools of. So we create business markets with fast expanding profits aimed to make us live forever. We want Spring but never Autumn.

We find ourselves saying, Get down from the cross.

But did He not say: “Truly, truly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies it produces many seeds.”

And so he fell to the ground.

The seed of David fell to the ground.

(Based off of Psalm 22, Isaiah 53, Matthew 26-27)

From my sweet daughter, Joy.

From:https://joynessthebrave.wordpress.com/

Patience at Easter: The Grace of Covering Over Sin

IMG_0216Our own little Easter Egg Tree

“For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” 

Psalm 103:14

April was abloom with tiny buds beginning to burst, daffodils pushing through the cold ground and all the promise of spring was pulsing through our home. Many years ago, on a Saturday before Easter found my girls and me, working together, preparing our traditional Easter feast. A dozen people would join us, so we bumped into each other, scurrying around the kitchen island, preparing sumptuous recipes that would feed a crowd. Joy, grasping for her own place in our kitchen as the youngest, had decided to make the special deviled eggs we had enjoyed as a family for many years. She had peeled 24 hard boiled eggs and then got a bright idea of how to make it easier, even though I had already explained to her the best way to fill the eggs.

She had good inclinations and she was attempting a new idea---(great attitude at the end of all of us working so hard), but her effort to stuff a flimsy, plastic sandwich bag with egg filling resulted in a mess everywhere–I have never seen so much egg yellow on the hands of any one individual! How in the world had she managed to fumble such an easy task, I thought, in my mama bad attitude irritation, neglecting how hard she had been trying. Of course, this situation struck at the end of a long afternoon of cooking and counseling another teen. My adrenalin was at an all-time low. She could surely sense how irritated I was.

The Lord poked my heart and suddenly gave me eyes to see this precious, young woman--my sweet little girl--in the throes of growing up. Insecurity and frustration flashed from her dark eyes as she watched me clean up her mess. Choosing how to respond and what I wanted to leave in her heart’s memory ran across my mind. After taking a couple of minutes to ponder what I was going to say, I took her to our den couch and gave her a cup of tea.

“Joyness,” (our nickname for her) “you have been so exceedingly helpful and thoughtful today. The table you set looks lovely; the groceries are all put away, and you have labored by my side for hours. I don’t know what I would do without your help. Many times I have baked bread and then burned it or grilled something outside that ends up tough as nails. Frustration temps me to rage inside sometimes, because I hate to waste time and ruin the food I have cooked. So, I know how you must feel when the bag kept breaking and the mess just poured out. I am so sorry if I offended you in any way. You are such a treasure to me and I know you were trying to do a good job. Thanks so much for all the ways you have helped me this week!”

Suddenly, a sheepish grin crossed her face. She climbed into my lap; long, gangly, teenage legs and all, and said, “I am so thankful that you always love me, mommy.” A kiss on the cheek … and she was gone.

Time and age has convinced me of my propensity to be selfish and immature. Consequently, my gratitude has grown immensely, knowing that I don’t have to perform for the Lord. He is mindful that I am but dust, and yet He still calls me His own special child. The amount of times He has had to bear with me, love me and give me grace has made me so much more apt to love and forgive and bear with my sweet, but immature children and husband and friends.

I know they will make mistakes and be selfish and sinful-- just like me!-- but I know that I can only please God and have peace in my own heart when I choose to love them back. And in practicing loving them, my own heart swells with more love, good thoughts and a generous heart.

This is how it works in my own life: Sometimes, I will have a critical thought toward Clay or the kids or a friend. If I foster the thought, it nurtures self-righteousness and resentment and anger. When I choose to look at the relationship with eyes of love, to take the thought or attitude captive, I can get perspective. This is a person dear to me, and we have history together. They have a personality that comes with many flaws as mine does. I am not primarily the focus of their lives, and they do not live to hurt my feelings!

I need to remember that love covers a multitude of sin. (Or I remember that this person is an immature toddler or exhausted baby or hormonal young woman or middle aged hormonal woman or somewhat immature, irrational, waiting-for-his-frontal-cortex-to-connect "teen" young man or a tired, worn-out husband who’s had too many days of work.) Then I remember how much I need grace in all of my own fragile times. I also remind myself that I will please my precious, patient Lord Jesus if I obediently act in love.

So, I cover the person with grace, say words of patience and kindness and then I am amazed that my feelings of love usually follow and the relationship improves rather than being broken. Good feelings often accompany obedience.

This is not a formula that always works--I am not looking for always having the right results--but it is a way of life, that practiced over many years, has turned my heart more towards loving, resting and accepting those valued relationships. In return, I find I am blessed in ample love that the Lord pours out into my heart. If I sow love, I will reap love. My love becomes a blessing to me in return.

We are all constantly confronted with a multitude of opportunities to choose to love or to choose to stir up strife. Loving on a consistent basis is a choice that becomes a habit and eventually changes our heart’s response. We all get frustrated sometimes with our children’s mistakes. The important thing is to correct our own bad reactions before we hurt their precious hearts!

Indeed, in the end, how we loved will be a measure of how we lived.

#OwnYourLifebook

And now, she is coming home and I simply cannot wait to be with her and squeeze her every moment. May not let her go back!

We do have a serious heart for worshipping our Lord through out the season, but then we totally celebrate his rising from the dead for restoration to Him. We  feast and play and have fun all day on Easter, celebrating His great victory over sin, death and condemnation.

One final fun little Easter tradition we practiced. Each year we find out how many will be in our home for Easter brunch, (this year we are going out!). For each adult, adult child or friend, young children, we buy a different color or size of plastic egg. Each person is given their own color or size (small green, large green). We plant the eggs all over hills and dales near our home and each one searches only for his color or size egg. That way we can hide the eggs for the littles in places they can find and for the adults, we placed them in more difficult places. Little ones had prizes or little candies-it is a holiday, afterall! And bigger ones may have gift cards, dark chocolate and more appropriate prizes. (Sometimes quarters or dimes and nickles or occasional eggs, dollar bills.)

May God give you grace today to love well and to walk on His pathway of love and grace.

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***If you have the desire to go deeper today, take a few moments to complete the reflection and application below:

“Love is patient, love it kind, it does not take into account a wrong suffered.” I Cor. 13: 4, 5 These words describe God, who tells us that He actually is love! Too often, it doesn’t describe me. Do patience and kindness come easily to you?

“Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another.” James 5: 16 Is it hard for you to apologize to your children when you’re wrong?

“Above all, love each other deeply, for love covers a multitude of sin.” I Peter 4:8 How can you remind yourself to think of your child’s feelings before you react to their childishness and sin?

 

Motherhood is Shaping Souls and Hearts for Eternal Purposes

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The shaping of souls happens little by little by the values believed, love given and truth embodied in the home every day.

We cannot pass on what is not alive in our own hearts. How we cultivate our own souls, practice our own faith, live in obedience to God will be the source that feeds our own children. Their faith is fed by the integrity of our own lives.

Grow in grace today and your children will draw grace from your soul.

Holiness is not Law-keeping, but Love-keeping

Janis Rozenthal - Under the Rowan TreeJanis Rozentals

"Let the children come to me."

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. John 14:15

There is something in our flesh that wants to try to earn God's love.

We love to check off mental lists of what we have done for Him to be good little Christians. We measure ourselves by others who do not look as "Christian" or do as much as we do. We feel guilty when we misbehave and do something that makes us feel "bad" or sinful.

And sometimes the narrative we tell ourselves over and over again is, "God is probably disappointed with me."

"I haven't had enough quiet times."

"I have been lazy, or neglectful or idolatrous, or impatient, or critical, or wicked, or gossipy, or or or."

The truth is, because we could never be holy or perfect on our own, he had to save us. We could never attain to His standards. Never.

No matter how good you try to be, you are going to blow it, disappoint someone you love, somehow, some way, multiple times. And you are going to make some mistakes in judgment that have consequences--even the very best and most disciplined of you.

You are just never, ever going to be perfect or always good.

And so, "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

But, you say, holiness must exhibit an excellent life. Yes, I agree. But holiness, being willing to be set aside for God's purposes, to seek to follow His biblical ideas, to seek to be moral, to make Him known, to proclaim His kingdom and kingdom ways,  spills over into our behavior, from a loving heart.

When our  heart is so grateful to God for His gentle, humble mercy on all of us who are so likely to be selfish and sinful,

His redeeming grace that wipes our faults and sins away as though we have never sinned,

His affirmation of our worth, because He has adopted us,

Then,  out of deep appreciation, a well of humble gratefulness for his generosity, we have an overwhelming desire to obey Him, to please him, to serve Him.

It is significant to me that it was Peter, the wonderful, outspoken, imperfect, passionate lover of God, who so publicly failed, admonishes us to "Be Holy as I am holy."

Peter was not in any way telling us to perform holy deeds, but, to, from our hearts, be His, love His ways, serve Him wholeheartedly.

Peter also says, "But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;" I Peter 2: 9

When Jesus was asked what the most important law was, his response was, "You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart."

When one understands that it is God who created this beautiful place for us to live--the stars, the vast and powerful oceans, the thousands of flowers that bloom in the spring, the vibrant reds, oranges, yellows of dying leaves in the fall, then worship is a natural response. Praise for what is good.

Jesus said of the woman, weeping and washing his feet with her tears, "She who is forgiven much, loves much."

Why do we stay moral and pure in marriage? Because we know it pleases Him. He calls marriage sacred because it is a picture of our bridegroom Jesus loving and serving and committing himself to preparing us for the wedding feast. And so out of wanting to honor this sacred picture, we love and serve and give of ourselves generously to our marriage, so that our lives can reflect to others the beauty of committed, gracious love.

We serve our children and give up our own time to sacrifice for them, not out of works or duty, but because Jesus himself gave his love and blessing, even his life, to us, His children.

And he gave a definitive picture to us in his own journey amongst the crowds surrounding him, pushing, pulling in the path of ministry. When children ran up to embrace Jesus, to crawl into his lap, touch his beard,the disciples tried to turn them away as insignificant, not worthy of the "time" of the Master.

Jesus, winsomely, gently embraced, caressed the precious little ones and said, "Let the children come to me, of such is the kingdom of God."

We understand that God said children are a blessing and the fruit of the womb is a reward, and so we cherish them, and serve them as Jesus served His disciples, because we deeply revere Him, love Him and want to honor Him.

A holy life will reflect the character of Christ because it springs out of the heart whose life flows out from knowing Him.

And so excellence, sacrifice, hard work, loyalty, love, joy, peace, patience, will be the virtues that grow in and through our holy lives, but it will come from being connected to Him, the vine, the source of all goodness. Not a harsh, "I will gut it out sort of works oriented law-keeping," but a graceful, growing, developing character of grace as seen through the lives of Jesus's disciples.

God reminds us that holiness is His work.

We read in Hebrews, "For they (our parents) disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness."

God, as a good Father, is committed to slowly but surely, training us to become holy, like Him. But He does it through loving us, serving us, teaching us, calling us, providing for us. A lifetime of loving Him will produce a life that is holy.

Even in his last prayers, Jesus shows us how much He wants us to know His Father's love, "I pray that they may know the love with which you have loved me from the foundation of the world."

Love and holiness cannot be separated. Loving Him, will produce serving Him from a grateful heart and the process of holiness will overtake our character as we seek to know and love Him. Holiness spills out of an overflow of a heart in love with God.