Faithfully Teaching Our Children the Stewardship of Life 24 Way 12

Roses from our mountain garden take a long time to grow.

Way # 12 We take care of what we have using it responsibly.

Memory Verse

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much." Luke 16:10

"Mama, I want to move to New York City. I have a scholarship to New York Film Academy and I would love to go, but I need your blessing." I never dreamed of sending my children to New York City when they were 19. However, one of the life principles of our family was that if our children were faithful in small things, we would broaden their arenas to bigger places.

Practicing faithfulness in small tasks would prepare them to be faithful in bigger responsibility. Practicing letting our children work beside us, engage in our work, learn to rule over their own lives with decisions and work prepares them to think of themselves as responsible. Having a self-image of being responsible is developed by a life-time of training, day by day.

Part of the daily task of a mom is to teach her children character, responsibility and the stewardship of taking care of all that God has placed into our hands. Part of that process is helping our children picturing themselves as responsible for the world, for sharing the gospel, for the way they invest their time, for stewarding money and for taking care of their relationships.

Learning by real life practices makes far more impression on all us and our children than lecturing them or giving them advice. Engaging in real life creates self-image of who we are.

Many areas of life can become training grounds for children. One area that Joy loved learning responsibility was through gardening. As a small child, I  brought her with me into my garden when I planted roses, cultivated irises and daffodils, and made our yards beautiful. Though it is very hard to grow plants and flowers at 7300 feet altitude, and on the rock base of our land, which is basically a mountain. I have attempted to grow many different plants. I love flowers and so I will keep trying until I find the perfect garden."

Each year I would take my children, but especially Joy, with me and have them do the work by my side. Now, Joy is still inclined to plant her own garden each year because she also gained an appetite for creating beauty, by me training her to be a steward of our home and garden. So, even returning from college, the first thing she did was to buy herbs, two tomato plants and a few cutting flowers. The training and breathing into her these appetites have formed a pattern in her heart for being a steward of beauty.

So it is with other areas--reaching out to our neighbors to love them and share God's love with our children in tow gives our children a sense of stewardship for ministry.

Giving our children a jar to save their loose change in, builds up to whole jar full, that they can choose where it will be used in giving to missions trains them to feel a responsibility to help support church and missions as an adult.

How can you bring your children into the areas you faithfully cultivate and steward today? As you train them to be faithful in their small corner of the world, their capactiy and stewardship will also grow as they become better prepared for all that God will call them to as world changers for his Kingdom.

What you teach, model and give practice to for your children is what they are most likely to value when they grow up. Give them small ways to be faithful so that they can become strong in exercising bigger stewardship muscles when they are adults.

Nathan did go to New York, he had a great year, made wonderful friends and came out with his faith in tact. He was faithful at home to have integrity with his friends, to work at a job, to go to church and to make wise choices. His learning to practice faithfulness in front of us gave him and us an objective way to evaluate whether we should approve his decision to move to New York as a young man. He passed the test and home and we were free to trust him to a bigger arena. Remember:

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much."

Satisfying the Longings in our Hearts! And a webinar!

There were times as a mom of 3 under 5 that I wondered if I would ever be allowed times of pleasure as an adult. My days were made up of a constant stream of feeding, cleaning up messes, settling small squables, picking up a child one more time, cajoling my little ones to sleep and then over and over again.

A part of me loved my precious little ones, watching them grow, becoming their friends, and having my own little club. But the mundane work of the everyday sometimes emptied my soul, the part that was "me" sometimes got lost in the demands of my demanding and sometimes lonely seasons.

As a dreamer-type who loves to have adventures and enjoys the sparkle of life, I wondered if my life of heart fulfillments and pleasures was over.

Slowly, I began to learn secrets, ways, to invest in my life so that my soul could stay alive and my adult heart could soar once again.

This is why I am so excited about the webcast coming up with Sarah Mae and me sharing some of our discoveries.

This is why I am excited for her to share her newest book with you so that you won't feel alone--but understood from one who is in your place.

And the fun is that Sarah Mae is celebrating her book with some really fun giveaways. If you pre-order her book, you will get the following!

1 or more books – Webinar with me and Sally Clarkson

5 or more books (for a group study) – Webinar, paperback copy of Desperate (limited to the first 150), the first four chapters of the audiobook of Desperate, one-year bible (limited to 100), DaySpring journal (limited to 100), signed print, PDF of D & D course, LFP teaching video

10 or more books – All of the above plus one life-coach session w/ Carey Bailey (limited to 10), Skype-in with your book club

You can find out about all of the details HERE

Hope you can join us on our webcast.

Order the book, HERE, and save your receipt!

A New Story with an Old Soul and a Giveaway!

“It is of the new things that men tire—of fashions and proposals and improvements and change. But it is the old things that startle and intoxicate; it is the old things that are really young.”

G.K. Chesterton

All of you who know I am a book lover and collector know that I recommended a book to you earlier in the year--The Green Ember. My son, Joel, was the reader for this great, rousing adventure. Now, our friend, Sam Smith, has come out with the second book--The Black Star! You will love it. I asked Sam to tell you about it!

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This is my goal: I want to tell new stories with an old soul. I want to look forward, to hope and dream, to gaze through the fog to the certain dawn of the true New World. I also want to echo. I want my tales to resound with old words, old ways, old wisdom.

I want to make vintage adventure.

Who cares? Does it matter? I think it does. I think it does because the stories we hear shape us like nothing else. Hearing the phrase “Jesus is good,” is positive, but it is meaningless without a story. When we read to our children the story of Jesus raising the dead, healing the lame, and sacrificing himself, we get more than just the information. We get the heart, the hope, the joy, the pain, and the information. We get formation. Because we see and feel that Jesus is good. We know it in our souls.

Stories matter. Fiction shapes us in a deep way as well. Perhaps especially when we are young. But why new stories with an old soul?

My friend (and the illustrator for my books) Zach Franzen is kind of a genius. When I run out of clever things to say, I usually pull out a Zachism and run with it. (It’s about to happen again.) He has been a cheerleader for the “New Stories, Old Soul” side from the beginning. He contends that most publishers don’t want to release new books with old virtues. If people want those, it’s easier and cheaper for the publishers to just release the old books again. So the virtues featured in those books are for now, he says, trapped in amber. They are museum pieces. So Zach has been a partner in more ways than just by illustrating my books. He’s been an encouragement, believing that those old virtues can live on in new adventures—that they can be seen in the wild again.

I want to uncork some vintage adventure on a generation of thirsty young souls.

The reason Sam wrote the books was with his own children in mind! The wonderful Smith family.

When I wrote The Green Ember for my children, I hoped they would love it and that the story would capture their hearts. I’m so grateful that it did and that they wanted to give others a chance to enjoy it too. When we were finally able to share it with other families, we began to hear that many of them also seemed to resonate with this new story and its old soul. That made us glad, like seeing the look on a dinner guest’s face who loved the food and enjoyed the laughter at the table. We shared something of our family’s life and other families welcomed it into their own homes and hearts. What an honor. What a privilege!

I want to keep doing it. So I wrote The Back Star of Kingston for my kids. And for all the kids who loved (or might love) The Green Ember.

It’s a story and that’s it. It’s not a tricky vehicle to teach truth. But I hope it is truthful. It’s not meant to sneak in a moral lesson, but I hope it burns with the fire of moral imagination.

Black Star is a simple story about a simple rabbit named Fleck. Faced with threats to his king and community, he must make a choice to stay and fight the overwhelming odds, or follow his dearest friend as he abandons hope.

The Green Ember (which was expertly read by Joel Clarkson for the audiobook) features a prologue that confused some readers. Why is this old, unrelated story in this book? Well, the prologue from The Green Ember is a part of Black Star, which serves as its prequel. It’s all related, but the series is just getting going. Here’s a small sample…  

Two soaked and battered rabbits washed up on the shore of Ayman Lake.

Gasping, Fleck crawled onto the stony beach, rolled over, and tried to clear his head.

Galt was already standing. “We have to go, Fleck,” he said, eyes darting from the lake to the tree line.

“I’m no traitor,” Fleck managed to say through ragged breaths.

“Traitor?” Galt cried. “The winning side gets to decide who the traitors were. We’ve lost, Fleck. It’s over. Even you, Captain Blackstar, can do nothing this time. We have no chance.”

“We? We have no chance?”

“He has no chance,” Galt said, head down, edging toward the forest.

Fleck stood slowly, staggering. The usually grey fur of his arm was blotched with dark scarlet. One eye was swollen shut.

“He can be saved,” Fleck said, reaching for his sword. His hand closed on air. His scabbard was empty.

“Nothing,” Galt said. “There’s nothing we can do. It’s the end of the world. It’s the end of the world!”

“But the oath, Galt. Remember? We can still turn this. King Whitson needs us. Prince Lander needs us,” he said, pointing to the burning ship. “I’ll never turn traitor.”

“You’re only a traitor if you betray yourself,” Galt said. He sprinted off, disappearing into the trees.

Fleck struggled to stay upright. Swaying, he turned from the fleeing rabbit to face the lake. Charcoal smoke corkscrewed into the sky. The blackened ship teemed with enemies. Flames snapped at the red-diamond standard as the last kingsbucks grappled with the invaders on the deck. Whitson Mariner stood among them, his sword poised and his harried shouts echoing over the lake.

Fleck straightened and stretched his arm. Pain flared. Unbearable agony. He bent, wincing.

He opened his eyes and saw King Whitson fighting desperately to protect Prince Lander. Fleck rose, ignoring the pain, and shouted across the water.

“My place beside you, my blood for yours! Till the Green Ember rises, or the end of the world!”

Swordless, Fleck Blackstar hobbled to the water’s edge and plunged in.

The Black Star of Kingston releases July 13. You can get it here.

I am giving away 3 of these today. If you want to enter, share on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or leave a comment about the book on Sam's page and let me know what you did. I will be picking the winners in the next couple of days.

Have You Ever Been Disappointed in Love? Friendship? Life? Loving & Losing

All of us have been disappointed in close relationships that we thought would last our lifetimes. Whether friendship, marriage, kindred spirits who fall and disappoint, believers who violate the sacred trust of loyalty, or places we have failed others, we all know the hole-in-our-hearts pain of broken love.

Joy, my newly graduated college daughter, soon to study for a Masters in Oxford, put thoughts to  these ponderings. The truth told here is profound, and gets to the very heart of our God.

You may find Joy and her lovely, insightful writing at Joynessthebrave.com

My thanks to my sweet Joy for letting me share this with you.

Loving and Losing

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

– Tennyson

I have observed this maxim on many Facebook walls, unsubtly proclaiming the end of another ill fated teenage relationship. Sometimes it is said with care, but often it is said carelessly. It is said as a transition from one coffee-cup conversation to the next with a flip of the hair and a meaningless sigh. You loved. You lost. You move on.

Have you ever had love kick you in the teeth?

Driving is a time of existential contemplation for me. Recently, while driving under a stoplight in a dozy street of the California suburbs a thought came to me as quick as a slap in the face: Have I wasted my love on relationships that only ended in pain?

There have been times where it seemed to me that there was too much losing in the loving. I have spent years loving imperfectly but with great sincerity. Years praying and apologizing, trying to be strong and trying to forgive, and, at last, finding myself several years down the road with nothing to show but a few heart bruises. Perhaps you have experienced it too. Perhaps for you it was a friend, a sibling, a parent, a partner, or a leader, leaving you wondering…

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

Those words come from Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam. Contrary to how it is often quoted, it is not in reference to romance. He wrote it after the death of his best friend. It is a deep calls to deep sort of poem. It is a prayer and a wrestling. He grapples with death and life, with love and pain, with doubt and faith. To me the poem is treading water in a sea of grief pleading with God to be kept afloat.

When experiencing pain engendered by love, whether that be grief in death, betrayal, or rejection, the desire to hide is appealing. Instinctively we hear “fooled once shame on them, fooled twice, shame on you.” We feel desperately that we need to build fortified walls to protect us from being that hurt again. We re-calculate, condemning ourselves from being vulnerable enough to be hurt. We cross our hearts and swear to never be so unwise. We say that we will put up “boundaries” to protect our hearts from unhealthy love, but quickly those boundaries become walls of stone with gates of steel. And we do it all because, in our hearts we feel that our love was wasted.

Someone familiar with love and loss, C.S. Lewis wrote of this tension of vulnerability:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

As I’ve pondered the beautiful and truly terrifying reality of the vulnerability in love, I have come to realize that even God is not immune to the pain of love and loss.

The story of God’s relationship to the world is one of unrequited love.

Creation was a lavish expression of a loving God. Beauty, music, green grass, and all the delights the world can offer are God’s offer of love to us. But again and again this love was snubbed by humanity. God, the greatest lover of all, was and is rejected again and again. Perhaps Jesus said it most poignantly as he entered Jerusalem, on his way give himself as an offering for the people he loved:

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” (Luke 13:34)

God loves because it is His nature. 1 John 4 says “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us…” Love is in God’s DNA, so to speak; “God is love” (1 John 4:8).

God loves extravagantly, but never wastefully. God’s love is never wasted because it is an expression of his perfect character. When we love, we participate with God and reflect his love. John says “No one has ever seen God;but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”

Love is never wasted. The act of loving proclaims the truest thing in the universe: that God is love. Our love may be weak, foolish, naive, unwise, or even unhealthy, but it is never ever wasted. Love is the truth that pulses at the heart of reality. It is the lifeblood of every good thing. It does not matter if love is requited, rejected or abandoned; the true meaning of love stems from the God who is love. When we love we affirm and sing into eternity the marvelous and unfathomable truth that God is love, and we are loved.

But, sometimes we do not feel that deep meaning as we struggle with grief, guilt, and pain. In the words of one who seems to always echo my soul’s truest feelings…

You who live in radiance

Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin

We have a love that’s not as patient as Yours was

Still we do love now and then. (Rich Mullins, “Hard to Get”)

Even in petty and small attempts at love, we allow our hearts to be shaped by love.Though our love may seem not to touch the other person, it shapes us. Love leaves a mark, and sometimes it leaves scars. The greatest love of all bears scars. In Jesus’ resurrected body, he bears the scars of his extravagant love. In those scars I find a forgiveness that fills the cracks of my broken attempts at love, and I find solace in a God who knows what it is to be spurned.

And so, though my soul wrestled that night under the stop light (and many nights before and after), I have come to believe that It truly is better to love and lose than never to love at all.

Love shapes my soul to reach out in grace, forgiveness, and tenderness.

Love draws me closer to the God of unrequited love.

Love rebells against the hatred so natural to the world.

Love invites me into the love story of God.

Love is never wasted.

My kindred spirit gives life and love to me on a regular basis. So grateful.

Generosity: Expressed By the Way We See Ourselves {24 Family Ways #11}

 

WAY # 11

WE ARE GENEROUS WITH WHAT WE HAVE, SHARING FREELY WITH OTHERS.

Memory Verse: 

"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

In the news, we see tragic headlines of devastating world events that can discourage us. Often, it seems that we only hear of bad news, horrible deeds. Yet, it is heartening to me to collect stories of encouragement to read and collect to share when I find them. I love stories of people who give, love and serve--and it happens every day, whether reported or not.

In an isolationist culture where, often, we do not know anyone on our block, we sometimes wonder how we can be generous to those in need. Not knowing the personal needs of my neighbors means I am in a vacuum for meeting those needs.

We are presented with opportunities to help people far away--the starving, the young prostitutes in other countries, to help with disasters. Yet, it is in giving of our own time, our own money, our own service when we are filled with the blessing that comes from giving our life away to others personally. Looking for opportunities to personally give as a family has kept us more humble, more compassionate and helped to model and train our children to think of themselves as "givers."

Two years in a row, Colorado Springs had devastating fires. Many houses were destroyed but it also placed us in a community to see generosity expressed in amazing ways. Mitch Slate, a modest man, decided ahead of time that he wanted somehow to do something personally for those who had lost their homes. Even though he lived on the un-evacuated side near the fires, he spent four hours handing out more than six cases of water to residents waiting to be escorted into the Black Forest burn area Saturday, June 15, 2013. Michael Ciaglo/The Gazette

This thoughtful man did not sit home and wonder what to do. He took initiative to go out and buy gallons and gallons of water to give to those who had been waiting and waiting to see their beloved homes.

Others in the area showed the kind of community support that I have not experienced on a regular basis in our area. An estimated 1,000 people lined the streets outside of the Black Forest Fire command center that night to say thank you to the heroic firefighters, national guardsmen, police officers and sheriff's deputies working long hours, without sleep, to protect their homes as they changed shifts. Many had lost their own homes, but wanted to be a part of the community that thanked the fire fighters for risking their lives to save their homes.

Thousands of people were affected by the fire that occurred with the most homes lost in Colorado History. (460 homes totally destroyed.) How amazing it was to see this gathering of people support one another, help generously, pray together, and show love in countless ways. photo Michael Ciaglo/The Gazette

Members of First Baptist Church on Black Forest Road prayed Sunday, June 16, 2013 over church members who lost their homes in the Black Forest fire northeast of Colorado Springs, Colo. The church, which is just outside the evacuation area in Black Forest, held a community prayer and praise worship service Sunday. At least eleven church families lost their homes to the Black Forest fire. Photo by Mark Reis, The Gazette (Photo credits given to The Gazette)

Generosity expresses the way we perceive ourselves.

Giving our time, love, consideration and thoughtfulness to those surrounding us in our lives is one of the ways people are able to perceive the love of Christ, expressed through us. Yet, when one comes to Christ, it is not just to receive forgiveness and entrance into heaven.  Humility and bowing our knees before the creator of the universe, must cause us to understand that our lives are not our own. When we give our lives to Christ, we give him our all. Everything we have belongs to God. Our possessions are not only for us to use, but what we possess is to be used for the service and provision of others. God entrusts us with resources because He wants to believe that we will be good stewards of his provision in order to help others.

Generosity, then, flows from a person who perceives himself as a steward of God's gifts.

However, the attitudes that are swirling around in our hearts, will most likely show  and burst to the surface when difficult circumstances squeeze our lives. Devastating fires, so near our home, effected all of us in our community two years ago. Disbelief that a fire could come so quickly and devastate so many homes in such a short time left us all breathless.

Yet, as with many disasters, we witnessed an outpouring of generosity from those who had already decided that giving of themselves was one of the ways to most model the sacrificial life of Jesus.

As we housed sweet family friends whose house was at times right in the center of the infrared map, we watched them as they lived what they had practiced believing--the joyful and humble trust of God.

One morning, as they heard of family friends who lost their home, their first response was not fear of losing their own home. But, immediately, they pondered, "What would most help this family? Let's give a gift card to Target, get their kids some new clothes, and go visit them to cheer them up. They probably need a lot of support right now."

The heart of Jesus is to give whatever it required to save his beloved children. In our case, He had to give His all.

Generosity is caught when taught and  modeled. It is learned when practiced. It plants seeds in the heart when, out of great thanksgiving to God, for all that He has done, we give always out of our resources to His kingdom causes and to others who are in need.

When we capture the reality of God's nature being extravagantly generous on our behalf, this character quality born in our lives and trained into the lives of our children, reflects a wordless picture of a love that will reach hearts.

No wonder God loves a cheerful giver--it is a true reflection of His children behaving like Him.

Practical ways we practiced giving as a family included:

*Serving meals at homeless shelters

*teaching children's Sunday School classes as a family or caring for children while single moms did Christmas shopping

*Helping with work days to serve elderly, single moms and those who were unable to mow their lawns

*Hosting missionaries in our home when they were on furlough and helping them gather goods to send back to the country in which they lived

*Gathering money weekly from the kid's giving and storing it in a jar and turning it into a check at a bank to send to the cause our family voted on after a period of time

*Making meals and decorating "love" cards for neighbors and those who were ill, in the hospital or had a loss in the family.

*Baking plates of cookies for new neighbors and visiting their home to say welcome.

*Stuffing shoe boxes full of toys and books for overseas friends who did not have material goods.

There are so many ways to give, but making it a habit, taking the time to plan it is the key to seeing the root of generosity grow in the culture of our lives and our family's lives.

Join me all summer long, as we study Our 24 Family Ways here  together.

Do You Want What Someone Else Has? Stop Coveting! 24 Family Way # 10

Titian

Family Way # 10

"We are content with what we have not coveting what others have."

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." I Tim. 6:6

As our parents have all died in the last few years, Clay and I have gathered with siblings to "sort out" all athe stuff. It is amazing how much mature Christians can still struggle with things--

"I always wanted that since I was a little girl."

"I am pretty sure mom wanted me to have that."

The reason God told us not to covet was that He knew coveting was a part of our make up and that it would snare us in life.

Murder was the first violent sin described early in the old testament, which arose from jealousy, envy and coveting between brothers. Coveting God's pleasure with Abel, Cain allowed his anger to determine his actions and committed the first murder. The desire to resent others for what they have and what we do not have is natural to our flesh.

If we are ever to teach our children to be content, we must first understand the process in our own lives. We cannot teach what we have not understood.

Rage, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy storms in the soul of all of us. How do I know?  Because it has raged in my soul. Sometimes sin seems like a distant, impersonal issue in church sermons--selfishness, attitudes, greed, pornography, adultery, murder, violence, stealing, abuse of every kind. These obvious sins are pronounced from the pulpit.

Yet, our own sin often remains unknown by those around us.  Most of us sit silently, hiding the battles in our heart to love, to forgive, to envy, to be jealous, and battling silently with the demons that plague us at times, when we see into the dark corners of our heart.

We underestimate the cancer that sin has wreaked in the very inner being of our hearts. A grid of self-centered reality permeates the way we see life. When we measure ourselves by the circumstances of our lives, we often come up judging others, criticizing them as the one who is wrong rather than us. Our sin corrupts our vision.

And so often, our grid through which we see life, distorts our understanding of what will really bring us happiness, fulfillment and contentment.

Our culture proliferates material possessions as a source of happiness. Those who "have" are happier and those of us who "don't have" are somehow unjustly struggling.  We believe that a new house, a better car, a larger salary, recognition--that there are things that will bring us happiness. And often, the longing for more things and money lead to us idolizing money, working hard  and seeking a way to provide for ourselves, instead of trusting God with our humble circumstances.

Beautiful bodies surround us in television, movies and commercials that promise perfect bodies by buying a product, taking a pill, or exercising. Sexual images and perfectly staged relationships is the focus and picture of most relationships in media. If there was an awkward moment or a flabby body on one of the heroic or adventurous movies, we would critically observe that the heroine or hero was poorly cast, as we sit at home with our various assortment of flab, overweight and not so perfect bodies, comparing to the images that fill the media.

All of these sources and other cultural messages feed our vulnerable, tender point of temptation--that of discontent. If only we had......a better car, a bigger house, a better marriage partner, more well-behaved children, a  more exciting life, more love, someone who will love us better than those we have in our lives.....then we would be happier. God knew that this would be havoc to our spiritual health and so He even included it in the Ten Commandments!

 It is not sinful or wrong to have desires for something more. Our hearts can actually perceive a better world and more wonderful circumstances because we were made for a better place. We were made for perfection, love, joy, great blessing. It was in the heart of God to provide us a magnificent life.

However, when Adam and Eve rebelled against God, it set the whole world in a motion of destruction and brokenness, disappointment and a battle to live well, stable and healthy.

The only way that we will ever be able to be content is to realize the nature of a fallen world--(this is not heaven yet) and then to cultivate a level of thanksgiving and contentment in the life we have been given.  To choose to see the goodness of God, to look for His fingerprints every day in our lives, to have an eternal perspective is the only way we will be able to be content. 

Contentment is a heart issue. We cannot change our emotions and selfish desires by force. Our only hope is to look to God, to ask Him to teach our heart to be contented, to want to trust Him and not live in ungratefulness or in looking to what others have. Choosing to be content, resting our desires and dreams into God's hands, learning to love and bring light into broken places is the beginning of learning to be content.

As long as we covet what we do not have, we will never be at peace. Whether in marriage or family or with possessions, the beginning of contentment is to know that having our own way and practicing selfishness or expecting perfection in a fallen world, will just be a vain goal.

And so, as we teach our children this important 24 Family Way, we must come to them with compassion, understanding and teaching them that we all are tempted to want what we do not and may never have. We cannot force our children to be content by "guilting" them in discipline.

Paul told us that He learned to be content! It was a process.

 We must understand that contentment is like a muscle--the more practiced, the stronger it will be. It is an attitude inside of a heart that is soft and says, "God, I want to learn to be content, so today, I am going to seek to be grateful for you, for what you have provided and for the eternal life I will share with you, where joys beyond my imagination will be real, will be fulfilled and will be provided by you, because you love me."

But helping them to understand that contentment, the humility of accepting with joy, the circumstances of our lives, is of great gain--great value to our Christian life. Contentment is a powerful character quality which will allow us to mount up over many of life's battles, as we keep our eyes on Him to provide us with all we need in the midst of the stories of our lives. Remembering the memory verse:

Used, blog 7/1/2021 Greatness verses Mediocrity: Determine to Go the Extra Mile!

woman-running-23

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1 NLT

Our culture is in great need of heroes, stories with sacrificial endings, inspiring lives of those who strain after all that is good, beautiful and true. I consider my work of faithfulness a success when, in the hidden moments of life, I hear and see my children making hard choices--the choice to work hard to pay their bills, the choice to be moral and cultivate integrity in a world that gives permission to compromise, the decision to stay faithful in places the world or others would say "give up."

Some time ago, I was asked,

"Sally, I want your advice."

“I have a great son, who is responsive to me and loving—but he is spending 6 hours a day playing computer games! My friends told me that is normal and just to leave him alone and know it is just boy stuff. What do you think?”

This from a sweet and intentional mom that I met last summer.

We live in a pretty mediocre culture. The voices of our culture in this contemporary world will most always give you permission to compromise your ideals, give up on commitments, escape the hard work, go the easy route. “Oh, they will be just fine—don’t interfere too much.”

But, there are not many leaders you want to point your children to be able say,

“Look at that person—they have worked hard, sacrificed their lives, and accomplished something great in this world.

Then we can say to them, "I believe God has designed you to give something great to your generation in your lifetime.”

Yet, I am convinced that if we, as mothers, understood that we have a capacity to work a little harder, give a little more and cultivate more intentionally, we will indeed be able to see greatness of soul, and depth of faith arise out of our children’s lives. It is the best work we will ever do. 

Nothing truly great is ever accomplished without great effort. We are, after all, subduing a world that is in rebellion against God. By investing more time in our children, we are helping them mount up over inertia, over laziness, bad habits, self-centeredness and giving them practice at developing good habits, skills, abilities, all of which need to be intentionally nurtured, taught, modeled and trained into them by their parents!

However, it takes more work than I ever thoughts. If a mom doesn’t want her 13 year old son to be addicted to the computer, she will have to help him cultivate more captivating interests, and she will have to invest her personal time, money, sweat equity and energy to do it—excellence requires us to go the extra mile.

Several years ago, I was judging at a statewide speech and debate tournament. Children ages 12-18 competed in a variety of areas. Each child has had to invest hours and hours preparing, studying, practicing and if it is similar to our household, the whole family has been involved—listening to speeches, correcting scripts, giving ideas, researching quotes. The whole process has taken our family hours and hours, but it has benefitted us all and sharpened us all as we have been forced to think through ideas, philosophy, defenses, together.

Yet, I am quite amazed at the articulate, thoughtful speeches coming from the hearts of the young adults there, who had invested their own hours and hours in this venture. They had engaged their minds in great ideas, practiced thinking and saying them and are, I know, going to be more excellent communicators in their life- time, because of the hours their moms invested in them to make this competition a possibility.

Whether a sport, a musical skill, art, ministry, some kind of academic or creative work, our children will be blessed if we invest the time it takes to give them more of a foundation of confidence in their souls, as we help them find a way to practice productivity, excellence of character and the need to take every moment captive for Him.

What we sow we will reap, what we don't sow, we won't reap. Your children and you have the capacity to live into amazing abilities that God has created you to have. But you must exercise the muscle of your lives to become excellent and strong. The choice to work diligently is the key--is your heart willing to do what it takes to become excellent in character or skills in life?

To find that “fit” for our children’s creativity, that activity that engages their heart, passions and personality, will probably require us give up the rights to our own time, and invest in the future of our child’s productivity, by taking the time now to help them cultivate their skills and interests and good habits.

But it will require that we go that extra mile-but that extra mile will take them much further in their lives than can ever be measured.

This summer take time to access your goals, your life, your story.

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Cultivating Thankful Hearts brings contentment 24 Ways # 9

Johannes Evert Hendrik Akkeringa

Way # 9

"We are thankful for what we have, whether it is a little or a lot."

Memory Verse

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing;in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thess. 5:16-18

Summers are always a time when our door swings open and closed constantly as we welcome friends from afar as well as adult children who want a reprieve from life. The past few weeks have been filled with company--friends close and acquaintances who needed a shelter from storms of life for a day or two. I, the mama, who it seems often holds the whole world together, (do you feel that way, too?), and have been carrying burdens, as well as the hearts of each one in my family and home, have been giving out constantly the past weeks. But it is a season in which God has asked me to be faithful.

I keep looking inside the hearts of those in my circle of care to check if they are ok and if I can help, love, encourage, or give in some way. I know it is not the things I provide or being a perfect host that my children and friends need. But someone to look into their eyes and notice them.

Early one morning this week, I forced myself out of bed, begowned and ruffled of hair and spirit, and put on the tea kettle, lit candles, poured 2 cups of tea and took a tray up to sleepy Joy.

"I just wanted a few minutes by myself with you, away from Sarah, Joel, and our company, to check your heart and to see what was swimming in your mind."

Under my pillow that night, "I have so many things, so many experiences, but what I want most is time alone with you. Thanks for noticing me this morning."

God's will is very clear and very straightforward--Rejoice, pray, and give thanks in everything. A heart that is grateful is a heart that is satisfied, content.

At this juncture in history, there are more things available to purchase; more entertainment, available 24 hours a day; more food; more material good than have ever been proliferated at any other time.

Yet "having more" has created a culture that is never satisfied, often in debt, dependent on pleasure and self-gratification in order to be content, while neglecting the greater needs of less fortunate people than themselves. As a result, the development of a strong character in children, has often been neglected. Children are coddled, entertained to death, and spoiled with expectations that can never totally be assuaged, which creates a complaining spirit, and self-pity if every gratification is not promptly met.

What is even worse, is that many parents have come to think that they are supposed to provide all of these things for their children so that they can be happy, instead of understanding, God wants them to cultivate children who have learned to be content.

Jesus, on the other hand, came into the world with no stately form or majesty that we should look upon him. No title. Few if any possessions. Choosing mostly fisherman, tax collectors, and common men and women to be his companions, he lived a simple, common life, with "no place of his own to even lay his head."

Yet, in this, He modeled to us a thankful heart.

Simplicity is one of the keys to having a thankful heart. For children, how important that they learn to be satisfied with playing at the beach or in a forest or digging in dirt. Enjoying an active imagination, pretending stories, drawing a tree or flowers, singing and dreaming under a shade tree.

The fewer choices children, (or adults), have, the more likely they will be happy and grateful for what they have been given.

 Many years ago, as a young, idealistic mama, I wanted to provide my children with all the best experiences, opportunities, books, toys, a playground, bikes, lessons--all of those things that we feel pressured to provide for our children. Yet, when we started Wholeheart Ministries, we moved to a tiny country town, (712 people), lived with my mother-in-law, and got by on a negligible salary for 5 years.

Shopping at Goodwill was our habit, as we could not afford department stores. Going to the grocery store sometimes made me feel guilty, because we just didn't have much money. Our budget didn't allow for all of the things I thought my children needed. Sometimes I would worry about what my children were missing because we couldn't afford many luxuries or "things" that I wanted to provide.

Thomas Eakins

Yet, living out on the country with lots of space to roam, few friends, lots and lots of time together as a family, is probably the best thing that could have happened to my children. Because we did not have lots of toys, our children learned to pretend, to create their own stories, draw and study nature, to make up games, read lots of books and to spend lots of time outdoor with animals, collecting fossils, building forts and gardening with me.

Because there was not even an option to have lots of "things", they became content with what they had. I was the only one who had any idea that they might be missing out on something cultural voices had told me they needed.. Life, to them, was a joyful, adventure where we had a little community called Clarkson, of which they were a part.There was no need to be constantly entertained because we did not have lots of media, gadgets, and toys, so they had not learned to expect them. There were few neighbors nearby to tempt them with toys they did not have.

Because we did not buy soft drinks when we were out as a family, our children did not long for something they had not come to expect. I distinctly remember when we were at a picnic with some friends, someone offered Sarah and Joel a whole can of coke to each of them. They looked at me and said, "Mama, they are giving us our own drink that we don't have to share with anyone! Isn't this fun! We feel so special!"

They were so very grateful for any small favor because our lives were simple and at the time, not very materialistic. I look back now and think that God was indeed actually answering my prayers to help my children to become godly--by not allowing me to have all of the things I read that children could have.

Working, waiting for gratification, sharing, patiently waiting for their turn in our family, all of these were the ways God built thankfulness into my children's hearts. I was not smart enough to choose this for my family, but God in His wisdom, knew just what my children needed to build character, and he used our circumstances to train them!

Enabling children by over-indulging them, is common in our contemporary culture. Yet, being spoiled and over-indulged creates a person who complains, whines and is weak in the day of adversity.

Don't get me wrong, we created a fun, challenging, interesting life for our children, amidst the daily grind of work, study, helping us in our ministry, learning to share and becoming a steward of their gifts. Creating times of celebration and appreciating after a time of hard work was a part of the warp and woof of our lives. But each child had to live in to his need to work, help and to learn to earn the money for something they hoped they could receive some day.

However, writing into our children's brains and hearts the wonderful quality of a thankful spirit, requires that we lead them to appreciate what they have and to be content with real life instead of material life. This is one of the most essential qualities for us to have a mature walk with God--the ability to praise and thank Him no matter what the circumstances.

This week, every day, notice the things that God has provided. Practice thanking Him for each way He has worked and blessed in your life. Have your children write thank you cards to friends of family for whom they are grateful. Breathing thankfulness into all the minutes of the days, creates a great pattern for life and helps you and your children to become more satisfied with what God has given.

Forgiveness: The Invisible String That Knits Hearts Together 24 Family Ways #8

Way  # 8 We forgive one another, covering an offense with love when wronged or hurt.

Memory Verse: Colossians 1:13

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

While visiting overseas, I cherished time with a friend from my missionary years. Tears streaming down her face, my friend said, "I can't seem to let go of all the things my "supposed" friend  did to hurt me. She told lies about me, manipulated me."

"I was so gullible because she quoted Bible verses and acted like she was a strong Christian.  I have tried to forgive her, but my bitterness against her takes up so much brain space. I just can't seem to get over all the ways she hurt me. I rehearse it over and over again in my mind."

Christians disappointing Christians common in this day and time. So often, I find more and more people in my life who have been emotionally injured by those who call themselves "Christians" but do not live by biblical principles. A woman whose husband is addicted to pornography; or has had an affair; a parent or relative who has been abusive; a friend who has rejected; kids who have rejected or harmed our children, a pastor or leader who has fallen to immorality and the list goes on and on. This a picture of our broken world and the fallenness of people.

All of us will be offended by many people in our life-time. And, all of us" make mistakes and act in immature ways. We lose our temper. We are selfish and want the "best or biggest piece of cake. We become angry over petty issues. We break someone else's toy, so to speak.

No matter how hard any of us try, we will always always be flawed and eventually fall short of someone's expectations and disappoint those who love us. Or we will be sorely disappointed by many people.

Unless we learn to give these wounds into the file drawer of heaven, to allow Christ to take these burdens of heart for us, we will be overwhelmed by a shadow of bitterness, anger or disappointment.

That is why forgiveness is so very essential to the message of Christ.

We should learn to be those who love the best, because we are those who give the most grace, and have been given the most grace. As we love Christ, He leads us to give grace and forgiveness.

In a world where culture gives us every kind of excuse to divorce, to abandon, to hold a grudge, to become a victim of a difficult life, to gossip, to criticize, the practice of forgiveness stands out like a beacon of light for a defense of Christianity. 

It is not logical to forgive someone who has offended us, but it is supernatural--it can only come from walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, forgiveness and humility was a topic constantly on the heart of Jesus.

Peter wanted to quantify forgiveness, like we all desire to do! He was willing to be noble and forgive someone, but after all, he thought there surely must be a limit! Perhaps 7 is the number we should forgive, Lord? He asked with a self-justifying heart.

No, Jesus said. 70 times 7--in other words, you must forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, .........

Forgiving another person who has hurt us, damaged our reputation, acted in a vindictive way, who has continually been mean spirited or abused us in some way, is one of the most difficult practices to exercise. All of us have been deeply hurt. It is natural to want to take revenge, or even to justify our own position and way of looking at an offense to justify lack of forgiveness.

Yet, it is the way of Jesus--the supernatural way of the Spirit in our lives to extend forgiveness and unconditional love.

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," we read in Romans 8.

Truth is, Christ died for hostile people--while they were rebelling and acting out in utter selfishness, He gave his life to save them. Radical faith asks us to do the same.

He who knew no sin became sin on our behalf. II Cor. 5:21

To truly understand Jesus, to worship Him from a grateful heart, requires that we learn to forgive as He has forgiven us. Sometimes we feel "just" anger. Anger is an emotion that God gave to us to feel the pain of wrong relationships. However, healing comes when we bow our knee and our will to actually forgive someone. To learn to expect nothing in return is not natural but supernatural--divine Holy Spirit power working through our weak selves. 

Jesus said that if someone hit us, we should offer him the other cheek. He told stories about forgiveness--the judge who forgave a very large debt of a man, who was not willing to forgive another man a small debt owed him.

In II Timothy 2:24, Paul admonished us:

"The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged."

If we want our children, our friends, to consider marriage sacred then we must behave as though it is sacred and forgive one another when wronged. Same with family members, neighbors, fellow believers in church, parents, everyone.

Forgiveness is the essence of God's heart. It compelled Him to die for us.

So, if we want to give our children a secret to living a life of love, we must teach them this Family Way. If we want our children to be godly leaders in this world, they must see self-sacrificing, humble forgiveness in and through our words, our lives and our actions.

One of the most important values I have come to understand from being a mama, is that when I take responsibility for the shaping of my children's hearts, to teach them truth, I have had to become more godly in order to teach them these life-changing truths.

Practical Help:

1. When your children offend someone, lead them to write a note or verbally admit their offense and ask for forgiveness of the one they offended. Teach them to pray with their siblings and to ask God to restore their relationship and forgive. This one habit will prepare them to be better parents and spouses.

2. When you are unjust to your children, spouse, friend, humble yourself, admit what you have done and ask for forgiveness. Pray with them. God's grace brings healing.

3. When bitterness or deep wounding swirls in your heart, get help. Ask a trusted friend to be accountable to you and to love you and help you heal. Get counseling. We all need others who help us feel understood and who can help us move forward in healing. (I have a friend who is older and more mature and sympathizes with my wounds, but always leads me back to Him. I couldn't do without love and friendship in managing the deep wounds our family has received over the years in ministry.)

4. Help your children understand that wounding others and being surrounded with broken people is a part of the battle raging in this world from being separated from God. Help them to learn relational skills so that they will not be overcome when they experience others whom they will confront who are not healthy or safe people. But teach them to forgive, to extend love as a part of learning to be filled with God's spirit and to always move relationships towards health when it is possible.

5. Teach them to go to God when people do not respond in a healthy way. To understand His kind, merciful heart and to know that Jesus who, "endured the cross" and "despised the shame" is a God who is acquainted with grief and will show them His compassion. And help them to understand that healing takes time.

6. Model healthy, strong, loving relationships to others. Help your children be healthy and loving so that they will not wound people, or be consumed by self-centeredness but instead work out of a heart that has practiced love.

Forgiveness is not always easy. As I mentioned, I have had to learn to intentionally put my heart-breaks into the file drawer of heaven and ask God to take my burdens that are too much for me. I mentally leave my burdens there and by faith seek to let Him work in my heart over a period of time.

Forgiveness is a testimony to the world that believers are a different sort--our love goes beyond bounds of our flesh. His grace through us speaks of His reality.

And so, as we approach this week's way, let us understand that helping our children practice forgiveness over and over again, will establish a pattern in their hearts to remember when they must make this choice as adults. Train up a child in the way he should go--in forgiving 70 X 70 X70 and so on, and forgiveness will become a part of his paradigm for life. If we all loved this way and forgave, the world would indeed become a place open to the heart and message of Christ.

Memory Verse: Colossians 3: 13 (and I included 12--as it was so very instructive to all of us! (and to me!)

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

And so today, as you take this into your own heart, remember, that without forgiveness as a way of life in your home, your words about the death of Jesus and His sacrifice may become hollow, if forgiveness is not the rule of your own heart and home.

May God give each of us grace to become stronger and stronger at forgiving and extending love more every day. I think I will perfect this when I am 75! But at least I am working on it!

Join me as we study Our 24 Family Ways this summer!

Conflict without, Comfort within

Arm in arm, my sweet one and I, walked our familiar evening path sharing hearts and finding solace in our companionship amidst the beauty of one more flurry of pinks and golds as the sun settled in for the night. We knew we were not alone. God walked with us and smiled at us through His clouds and presence in our friendship.

As we turned the corner of our last way home, the moon spoke to us once again of His companionship as we breathed in the comfort of friendship.

Upon returning home, we lingered in the moonlight on our front porch, rocking gently as we talked more of life. Eventually, 5 of us mingled on the porch in the twilight. Comfort, belonging, peace, security, stability is what is felt in the walls of our home. We belong to each other. We know a comfort amongst our trials, our joys, our doubts and our anger. We have a place to go where life finds a safe harbor inside our walls.

As I glance through the pathways of our story, there are many trials and obstacles along the way--car wrecks, cancer, deaths, births, illnesses, financial problems, church splits, relationships coming to an end, new ones beginning. Our world is a battlefield against small conflicts, difficult circumstances and big evils that abound. Yet, by His grace, we have come to know that we have a harbor in our storms, and our family's mutual love has wrapped us further in the bonds of rest that comes from being loyal, strong, devoted and present with one another through each day, each year, each conflict.

God designed us to be "home" makers, to have foundations from which to live life.

At my age, in spite of fear that life storms would overwhelm, I have lived to see the fingerprints of God all over our days. His goodness has followed us through all of our seasons. Because He has been our hope in every storm, and we have cherished Him together, we have found that, as David said, "Surely His goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord, forever."

Some storms have gathered in our lives in the past few months. Yet, now, honestly, one of the joys of my mother heart has been to watch my children walking in faith, and faithfully through unanticipated trials, seeking God's goodness, living together in the harmony of family love. Adults making their own choices to trust God, to learn and grow, to strain towards His righteous ways.

Gathering and rallying together, once again with each other,  around the certainty that we are a blessed family because we have the solace of constant family love and the promise of God's comfort, wisdom and provision once again. We are all quirky, varied in personality, our own mess, of sorts. Yet, a wholeness from belonging to each other.

All the devotions, all the cherishing of His word together, all the training is now reflected in their lives. I have watched my boys become strong, constant men, heroes in their generation--at least in the eyes of God, as they  choose to live faithfully in soul, steadfast in commitments, and heart integrity of life, seeking to grow, learn, and act in noble ways, even when others in their lives have not chosen the same path.

My girls are straining towards spiritual strength and wisdom and learning to give, to serve, to love well, while cherishing moral excellence, amidst a world that is dark and compromising. The seeds of faith planted have taken root and grown.

The battles rage. Yet, we have lived long enough to understand that there is an invisible power living in our home that keeps us, holds us, and companions us we we walk these roads with Him.

I am not diminishing the sadness, fear, anger or depression that comes with the trials of life. But, I have such peace in my heart, because these pathways are familiar, and we have learned to trust in the one who leads us beside still waters and restores our souls. We have learned to wait as see that, "I am young and now I am old, and I have never seen the righteous forsaken." David

Such is the incredible value of a godly home, where He restores our souls, provides our needs, keeps us safe, and gives us strength for each day.

Building home, family faith and strength takes years of walking together amidst the story God has chosen for us to live. But with each day, month, year, we are so deeply grateful that we do not live it alone, but we share the days in a mutual calling and a shared fellowship that will abide through all of our days.

Peace be yours today. The Lord is with us and with you. May He companion you in the midst of your days.