Teaching our Children to Follow God Begins By Giving Them an Example to Follow Along the Path of Life (24 Family Ways #22)

24 Family Ways #22

We ask before we act when we do not know what is right to do.

Memory Verse:

He who walks with the wise is wise. A companion of fools suffers harm. 

Proverbs 15:20

"By walking in integrity at home, my children received from my life, training for battles that were ahead of them. By walking through the obstacles and curves of our lives, trusting God, living by faith, choosing to endure, our children became familiar with what it looked like to walk with God in the midst of their own challenges." -Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

When your children walk with you, are they walking with a wise person?  Can they look at your seasoned responses, your insightful understanding of people, your fortitude in difficult times as they walk the moments of your daily life? Children watch us, listen to us when we are talking to others, hear us behind closed doors as we talk to our husband, see us in public. Our lives are the walk that our children will imitate.

When your children are not sure which way to do, how to respond, or  what is right or wrong, do they come to you for guidance? Do they know that you are the one to ask for wisdom in difficult moments?

We are in a generation and culture that has turned our children's training grounds into a battlefield. With relative morality, confusing voices, compromise of ideals, secular media values and opposing opinions, where will our children find clarity and strong, secure values to embrace?

As mothers, we must be ready and equipped with steady feet and strong souls to lead the way for our kids with integrity. We will give them confidence as we walk, staying close to them, holding their hand, and showing them sure footsteps to follow.

"O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart." -Psalm 15:1-2

No matter how old your children become, you are the example for them. They will always be looking at you to see integrity, ideals, and how you interact with God. And the longer you provide your children with wisdom based on truth, the more they will quickly consider your advice as they walk their own adult journey. Still, on a daily basis, I am walking with my adult children. They learned to trust their "path guide" on the trail of life we walked together, day by day.

We must lead the way and set a solid foundation for the paths our children will follow. Teaching our children to walk truly never ends.

Are you walking in wisdom today? Is your life one you want your children to follow? Is your pathway in your life with God getting brighter and brighter? May God lead us on His path with integrity in each step.

What are some of the ways you make each day a focussed moment of a loving relationship as you walk the days with your children?

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day

Proverbs 4: 18

Why Does Motherhood matter? Because babies Matter for Eternity!

 

Training leaders in my home in June to start small groups, retreats, Bible studies to teach women Biblical foundations of motherhood, marriage, discipleship.

Dark-blue eyes the color of blueberries, stared up intensely in the direction of my voice. Two matching bruises on her forehead, gave a battered look to her tiny face, with dripping dark strands of hair and pearl-white skin framing her face. At that moment, I was star-struck with my little new born, first child, Sarah.

At almost 31, never having changed a diaper, never knowing a mom who had nursed her children, and not even knowing how to hold her, I was not expecting the overwhelming love and reverence that would fill my heart the moment she arrived and was gently placed into my arms.

For a moment, I had her alone, and quiet filled the room. As I was holding her gingerly so as not to harm her, it was as if God was whispering to me:

“You are holding eternity in your arms. This little one is a miracle gift from me. Will you cherish her and love her so that when she grows up, she will believe that I love her? Will you be responsible to shape and fill her mind with the best stories so she will always believe in heroes? Will you whisper to her the secrets of my ways, teach her what is true, give her a place to grow strong and a sanctuary for life in which to celebrate all that is good in life so that she will fill the treasure-chest of her soul with all that is good, true and beautiful?”

Truly, for me, it was a defining moment. In one brief twinkling of time, totally startling thoughts to me, the imagination of what a home could be was wrapped in this little 7 pound gift. I would be the conductor of the life that shaped the potential locked in the heart, soul and mind of this little one. I began to understand that I would be a conductor of life for this little one born dependent on my guidance, love and direction of her life."

A Ministry to Mothers

The conviction about the strategic role of motherhood grew into a passion and call on my life over the years.  Since I became a mother, I have studied the Bible about the issues of motherhood and had written 12 books, many of which underline the profound importance of motherhood. By God's grace, this is the 20th year Clay and I will be hosting a Mom Heart Conference: a place to encourage, instruct and inspire moms to embrace their calls of motherhood to build godly generations.

We launched a small group ministry to encourage Moms to start groups of encouragement to others in their area to be sure mamas everywhere are having the opportunity to be inspired in their roles to raise godly generations.

We will be relaunching a new Mom Heart Website that will give more articles, training, ideas, and videos to encourage moms in their roles and in their groups.

The Core Message

Mothers are the civilizers of nations because they civilize, train and inspire their children  to love God, to have a heart that values righteousness, they model serving Christ in front of them every day. Through this amazing work, children become adults who serve God actively and who bring His kingdom to bear.

When a culture has lost the imagination of the importance of motherhood, and has forgotten that a baby is God's best work of art and creativity, making an eternal human being in His Image, then a culture can adopt devastating practices that we have all witnessed in planned parenthood.

What a person believes and cherishes in their hearts determines what a person does and how they behave in life..

A Call To Engage, to be Involved

What are you doing, planning, that will change your world for God's glory?  How are you planning to bring His light to bear? This is not a time for passivity or excuses, this is your time to live a story of faith for God by reaching out and seeking to help others know Him, love Him and serve Him.

How Am I Going to Own My Life and Ministry the next year as I seek God? 

**The next couple of weeks, I will be out of pocket because I will be in Europe meeting with leaders to discuss how I might do a Mom's conference, a leadership intensive to train others in ministry, and a homeschooling conference for missionaries and women there who lack support. Please pray that God will open doors and allow us to minister to thousands of moms to have a vision of motherhood. I hope to either host more leadership seminars in my home, and in other countries, or video tape my leadership conferences to send all over the world. (We just taped our messages in June and will be making those available.)

**We are planning to put up a page in Spanish on my blog and are in the process of translating a couple of books in Spanish to inspire and encourage those in the Spanish speaking world.

**I have written a new book that gives vision and purpose of home that I hope will inspire women all over the world with the vision of how they can use their homes to be sanctuaries of all that is holy to cultivate all in their homes to be followers of Christ.

**A friend and I also plan to do weekly podcasts speaking of issues that might encourage women. Pray we can get this up and going. It's coming soon, when I return!

Join me and hundreds if other Women!

I hope you will not tire of seeing my posts about Own Your Life. I hope you will bear with me one more time. I have received so many letters asking for further help and inspiration and so I decided to do my own blog, podcast and series to refresh and encourage you, my friends in ministry using these tools.

But this fall, I will be doing a series using my book Own Your Life, and the planner, with podcasts and stories to help inspire women to think more strategically about their own lives in light of how God might use them in this world to bring His light and love right where they are. I hope you will join me.

You may buy these books as a resource to my Monday and Friday sessions this fall to help you plan how to Own Your LIfe, Own your Fall, Own  your ministry, Own your family! :)

So, pray for my safety on this trip. Please pray for good health. Pray for Joy who will be with me. Pray for God to keep opening doors for us to encourage and inspire women all over the world. Pray for our leadership meetings with women where I will be visiting. I will be back in a couple of weeks. God be lifted up in your life and in mine!

Many of you know that we, our family, Clay and me, have a ministry that develops all of these materials and conferences and outreaches. If God ever puts it on your heart to become partners with us in our projects, you may donate it HERE. It is because of our many friends and supporters that we have been able to pursue our projects for the last 20 years. Thanks to all of you who have been a part.

Righteousness is a Direction of the Heart {24 Family Ways #21)

Way # 21 We do what we know is right, regardless what others do or say.

Memory Verse: 

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

With warm mugs of coffee in hand, ease of mood and cheer of heart, the kids were sitting around repeating all of the mantras they heard over and over again throughout their lives.

“Mama, the funny thing is, I hear your voice every day of my life, everywhere I go. And the funny thing is, it keeps directing me to make good decisions.”

Sometimes we don’t think our children are listening to our repeated in instruction. Yet, I believe that “Train up a child in the way he should go,” is a part of shaping brain pathways of truth and morality in the minds and even the souls of our children as they shape their values.

One of the mantras they heard over and over again was, “Wrong is always wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right even if no one is doing it.”

Each of my children, as they have gone into very compromising places of thought and behavior, (Hollywood, New York City, Boston, Oxford, Cambridge), have said that developing this wisdom as a part of making decisions has helped them not to compromise. Having foundations of truth give strength amidst the important temptations, decisions of adult life. Understanding that the world is a place of compromise, and that we were called to be holy, set apart–light in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world, prepared my children to go into very challenging arenas, armed with an understanding of what the battle would become, and how they would be tested.

In a world of relative value and constant compromise, (“Oh, everyone I know who is a Christian watches this kind of show.” Or “Everyone else I know says it is ok.” And then follows, “I am a liberated Christian. I can do this in the name of religious freedom.”), we must give our children a sense of absolutes in the areas that are important to God. If we listen to the voices in the world, on blogs, on facebook, even in Christian culture, we must understand that such voices create compromise.

The Ten Commandments are a great place to start–no adultery, no idols, setting themselves apart to remember their God, and to honor Him, as well as honoring their sweet mama, (Me) and their great Daddy, Clay.

Our family considers ourselves also to have great freedom, yet we also have strong standards of holiness and morality because we have focussed on seeking to please the heart of God.

The only way you can create freedom to live righteously and give wisdom in knowing how to behave in life is to teach about Jesus and His instruction every day. Only when we have pondered His words, can we understand His heart towards life.

Psalm 1 is a passage I used over and over again to train my children to walk not in the counsel of their friends or the world, but to delight in the heart and rightness of God’s words in order to have a sensitive conscience to what He wanted them to do. We acted out and memorized through verse 4 and it became a picture of what a righteous person looked like in a culture that was cynical, criticizing, compromising—the blessed man walks in the counsel of the Lord.

My children had to say “no” to certain age-inappropriate movies when we were not around. They had to learn to be the ones who would not participate in certain activities of other groups. They learned, by practicing, not to engage in immoral images on the computer, (this usually will eventually accost all children–but they need to learn to say no! And they need to know they can trust you to tell you what they have seen to ask for your help.)

We talked about media, peer pressure, foolishness and read proverbs together many times to find wise ways of living.

Learning to be righteous is a heart issue, not a rules memorized issue.

If it feels wrong to their heart that has been shaped on righteousness, then it is probably wrong. But you need to talk to your children as they grow, about choices, trusting you, listening to God, living above reproach in a culture that is evil.

We cannot force righteousness on our children by legalism and harshness. This only makes them want to hide from us. But instead, we nurture and cultivate a love for goodness by cultivating it in our home each day.

In all of our ideals, righteousness is progressive. In other words, we make mistakes, we fail, sometimes we do foolish things because they are so accepted in culture. Sometimes, wickedness jumps after us like Potifer’s wife chasing Joseph. And our children learned the concept of fleeing–just drop what will burn you and flee–run immediately away from the temptation.

Yet, Proverbs reminds us, “The path of the righteous is like the dawn which shines brighter until the full day.”

We train our children in our home, we help them and love them even if they fall, we pick them up, we protect them, we walk with them on the paths of righteousness, and they grow stronger day by day, year by year, and learn for themselves to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, who leads them in righteousness.

Maturity is a muscle built strong by much exercise.

How have you taught your children the concept of being holy–set aside for God’s purposes and glory?

This post is a part of the The 24 Family Ways Series here on the blog this summer. Click through the image to see all the posts- I hope they are an encouragement to your family!

Podcasts, webcasts, Book studies for the Fall--what do you think?

http://youtu.be/aW7ozuscefE I know, I know this is a repeat of 24 Way, 20--but different perspective and I wanted you to see the video!

The video above was recorded almost 2 years ago. Women all over the world tell us they are sad that they can't go to a mom's conference because we do not have them in their areas. For several years, Clay and I have been trying to figure out how to reach more women with e-conferences, materials, videos--and tryig to figure out what is sustainable for us and for you. I have gotten so much great feedback from the webcast we did last week, so we are trying to figure out how to do more. But I may even try my hand at some podcasts soon. Let me know if you like these ways of our reaching out.

I am excited to pursue more ways to help, inspire and encourage women--especially in this time when babies and mamas are not affirmed for the amazingly strategic role they have in the lives of future generations through the sweet ones in their home. Pray for us as we develop new ways. We are hosting our last Mom Heart Conference--celebrating year 20. But we have plans for more conferences up our sleeves--if God works  it out with us.

This fall, I will be going through the study guide and issues of the Own Your Life Book by using the planner as a guide, alongside the book Own Your Life. I will have both audio and written articles to inspire. Hope you will join me for this. Thanks for the great mail I have received about the conference and the study guide. So glad it is helping and you have enjoyed it. Below is another look at way 20 because I wanted you to have the video to see that we have been working on more media for a couple of years. It is coming!

And oh, the picture below--wouldn't it be great if we all met in a beautiful old castle and had tea and talk together. Not quite my life, is it yours? Blessings today!

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John Robert Dicksee

Gracious: characterized by kindness, thoughtfulness, and warm courtesy.

Tea-time-relationships: serving someone thoughtfulness, time and kindness has opened many hearts in my life-time.

"Graciousness is that quality in a person's behavior towards others that shows them their worth, their value in God's eyes and honors them based on God's image and imprint on their lives. "

Sally C.

WAY # 20: We choose to be gracious, even when we do not feel like it! 

Memory Verse:

"Let love of the brethren continue. 2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

Deep throated shouting, the shrill screams of a woman, dust flying, crowds running to see the spectacle, left the terrified woman fearing for her life. The Pharisees were bringing a woman caught in adultery and were attempting to test Jesus to see just how liberal He was--to see if He would defy the law and extend his hand of grace to a woman waiting to be killed by the stoning the law required.

Perhaps this woman was poor and had stooped to make money the wrong way. Perhaps she was abused, or deeply wounded and lonely. Or even just selfish and caught in lust. But, in the crowd of men, screaming, jeering people, she must have felt terror, shame, fear and grief all at once.

Jesus, the God who had formed her, looked into her eyes, saw her heart, knew all of her days and acts, and knew her deep need for forgiveness. I imagine Him giving His hand to her to pull her off the ground, helping her brush the dust off of her garment. And then, he extended a gentle but authoritative voice of graciousness.

"Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either." John 8: 10

Jesus, the perfect one, who "while we were yet sinners, died for us." Jesus, who, "although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God to be grasped." Jesus, "while being reviled, did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God."

When Jesus looks into the eyes of my heart, He invites me in--to know His love, His wisdom, His truth, His admonition, His correction. Always, He is gentle and meek, as that is His way. Being in His presence does not call me to want to sin more, quite the opposite. His example of dignifying me and all of us of His children by seeking us out, redeeming us, being gentle and long-suffering with us, causes me to want to be more righteous, more sacrificial, more generous, more of a servant. His life transforms me. But His life is one of gracious behavior.

How many people are in our lives who have felt the sting of condemnation, criticism, abuse and we might be the only ones who show them the gentle, gracious, humble love of God.

When we teach our children to be gracious, we are teaching them:

Not to judge but to see themselves as those who extend the supernatural forgiveness of God

Teaching them not to think about themselves but others

Training them to have self-control over their emotions--to choose to be gracious as a part of the values that inform their behavior

Showing them how to face the world as Jesus did--not as a legalistic Pharisee, but as the servant King

When someone is king or thoughtful or honoring of me, it ministers to me greatly. In a world of cynicism, easy judgement on facebook, (I cringe every time someone easily criticizes me--especially when many of my critics have never even met me.), and a world of back-biting and gossip, the graciousness of God which honors a person because God has honored them, is transforming and will draw others to Christ.

And so, we treat our children with respect, serve them in humility, choose to use honorable words to our husbands, to friends, because when they learn this attribute of God, they will become those who win the souls of others who are so longing for someone to validate their worth.

This is something we practice, we grow in. If you are like me, you blow it and lose your patience. But God Himself, humble, bowing His knee in the dirty ground, asks us to do as He did. The more I practice and ponder this attribute of His behavior, the more amazed I am that He would ever forgive me--but in knowing His gentle, dignified and generous honoring of His very own children, I have come to love Him more and appreciate my salvation more deeply because I understand each day how much I do not deserve it.

May God give each of us the strength today to behave in a gracious way, so that the world may see what Jesus is like through us every day.

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Here is the study guide that I will use this fall.

Order HERE

The Loss of a Golden Legacy

Beloved Kelsey, 2002-2015--almost 14 years old.

As told by my most precious Nathan

I pressed my phone closer to my ear to make sure I heard correctly; as the repeated words flowed through the speaker from the other side of the country, my heart dropped.From a 6th floor apartment I looked out over New York City as the evening sky slowly turned dark. I pressed ‘end’ and tried to let the reality of the news I just heard sink in-- Kelsey my childhood Golden Retriever was going to be put down.

I’m not someone who typically is prone to large shows of emotion or public displays of distress, in fact many people in my life have looked to me to be a voice of strength and logic in the midst of stormy times. But that night, a thousands miles away from my home, I felt tears pushing strong from behind my eyes, and a sob begin to rise in the pit of my stomach.

The last time I saw Kelsey had been just weeks before during a visit home where I witnessed first hand the effects of time on my beloved pet. But even though she moved slower and  grew tired more easily, I could still see the twinkle in her eye of the creature we all knew and loved. I thought back to the countless times through the years Kelsey brought a comforting paw to my moments of frustration as a young man growing up with OCD, I remembered as a puppy her jumping on each of our beds waking us up excited to start the day with her humans, and I recalled her and uniquely precocious yelp she would make from the living room calling us into be with her, because like me, she hated to be alone.

So as I sat in New York remembering 14 years of a her short life, I had to wonder to myself, why the death of a pet was touching my usually impervious heart so deeply? Why was this causing emotions I rarely felt to rise to the surface? Was it because it’s just what you’re supposed to do when things die?  Or was it more than that? Could it be  that perhaps I was mourning the end of not just the physical body of Kelsey but instead I was mourning the end of her story? There will always be more golden retrievers in the world; but the tragically beautiful truth is that there will only ever be one Kelsey with the legacy of stories she created; a legacy of laughter, joy, comfort, and companionship to me and so many.

Always a source of joy, fun, and love for my sweet ones as they grew up with her.

I think the interesting thing about the pain we feel at the of the loss of loved ones -something we will all inevitably feel in this temporary life- is that the sadness we experience has little to do with the loss of the physical properties of our loved ones; but instead is routed in something more beautiful, and and profound than anything physical we could ever know. Our pain is wrapped up in the loss of a story.

I believe in a creator, I believe in a God who loves stories so much that he created an entire world in which they could unfold, a world where even Golden Retrievers could play a part. I believe that God loved stories so much, that he gave his life to save ours. And as I sit her now typing the words and remembering the beautiful story that Kelsey left behind, I’m reminded that I will one day leave a story behind, and today I have the choice to decide what kind of story that will be.

I will miss you very much Kelsey.

Nathan

 You can find more about Nathan's musings, HERE: nathanjohnclarkson.com

Graciousness: Giving Dignity to Others 24 Family Way #20

Rhymes for Kindly Children

“A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot...” ― Robert A. Heinlein,

Way # 20 "We choose to be gracious even when we do not feel like it."

Memory Verse "Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. 2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13: 1-2

Moving to Tennessee when my little ones were small meant that all of us had to leave dear friends to start over again. Sequestering 6 of us in a small hotel room raised the stress levels and I was trying to meet everyone's needs, while feeling blue myself. Food was needed, so I found a grocery store near by.

A southern belle, with a strong drawl was checking me out and smiling so sweetly. "You are just the cutest thing. How are you, tonight, honey? Are you having a good evening?"

Crazy me burst into tears. Somehow having unexpected kindness opened the waters and I realized her gentle, kind voice and soft eyes made me feel like I wasn't invisible and that someone cared at least a little about me--even the stranger at the grocery store.

Contrasting this, rude behavior can also reveal my heart and surprise me with how ready I am to feel badly--even by a stranger's words.

Recently, I was standing in line quietly at Walmart to pick up some medicine. A surly young woman, looked up and glared at me, pointed her finger in my face and said,

"Hey lady! Hey you!  Move back to that fire extinguisher. We don't want you hanging round here so close. It bothers us. Just wait for your turn back behind the fire extinguisher! Go on now!"

Inside, I immediately felt offended by her manner of speaking condescendingly to me and the outright demand she made out-loud in front of a crowd with no sense of graciousness. Her words and attitude accosted my heart. It took me by surprise to react so quickly to someone I had never met.

I wonder if this is how children feel when a mama goes off on them when they are totally unsuspecting.

Probably, this happens to all of us far too often.Each stranger had an impact on my heart, but each made a choice of how they would relate.

I realized how, living in a whole culture that was surly, inconsiderate or dishonoring to people, where people cut in on the freeway, and all sorts of other brow beating incidents,  cultivates hostility. If indeed this incident had taken me by surprise and created a reaction---and I am a believer trying to be loving in my responses--then surely on a larger scale, it would cultivate an atmosphere of casual  disrespect and inconsiderate behaviors of others-which leads to broken or callous relationships on the whole.

Old fashioned manners, honor and respect were drilled into me daily when I was young, and so I drilled it into my own children.

"You need to honor those older than you."

"Make a choice to treat people as though they have worth and use friendly voices and faces."

"Give all people respect as it makes them feel dignified and opens their hearts."

Over and over again we repeated our 24 ways, our desires, correction and modeling graciousness until it became a part of my children's pathways of thinking in each situation.

Jesus bowed his knee to serve every person who came his way--women, prostitutes, children, lepers, tax collectors,  so that His actions gave each person He met worth. There is great dignity in relationships when people learn the ways of graciousness.

However, I fear it is too quickly becoming a lost value. The more we devalue God's values--and dishonor the value of children, the great value of elders and wise older women, and embrace euthanasia,  the more we feel free to criticize everyone in office with no  sense of reverence or culpability towards God, the more we demean the value Jesus gave all human beings. Lace of graciousness is a downward spiral toward the degeneration of all relationships.

When honor is gone, there is no basis for strength or integrity in relationship.

Our sense of graciousness to others, will build our own humility and desire to see God's great worth and holiness.

If a child is not taught that some relationships are holy in nature, worthy of respect an graciousness, then they will have no place in their minds to understand the holy nature of God, and our need to honor and give Him worth through all the ways we behave in life.

How do we train our children to be gracious?

*We give them verses to memorize:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31 Then we constantly train and instruct. "Is that the way you would like to be treated? What makes you feel important in the eyes of others? (Stop what you are doing and look someone right in the eyes. That tells them they have great value to you.)

*Teach your children to speak graciously to others.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (one of my favorite training verses.) And then we say, "How could you have said that more graciously? Did you consider how to respond to everyone so that they would be encouraged?

*Before you have guests to your home, (or before you go to someone else's home for a meal), you train, train, train. "Greet each person who comes to our home in a way that will tell them we are happy to have them. Learn to ask at least one question to everyone who comes so they will know you care.  Please tell the mama who cooked the meal, "thank you for having us," because she will know you appreciate her.

*Give little immediate instructions. "Open the door for people before they walk through when you can." Give up your chair to others older and and others more in need of a chair than yourself." "If you see someone who is being left out of a game, try to find a way to include them."

Graciousness is a constant mindset that says, "I am the mercy of Christ to those in need.

I am the respect of Christ to others who need to know their worth. I am the loving words of Jesus to those who need to hear life-giving words."

When a child grows up developing this kind of graciousness as they go, they will have it as a treasure the rest of their lives. And of course, it goes without saying, that graciousness begins with the way you treat your children--remember, we choose to be gracious to our children even when we do not feel like it!"

We had many conferences, meetings, dinners where our children had to learn to wait on us and to be gracious with good attitudes in their waiting. But training them over and over and over again, gave them a self-image that they were called to become ambassadors for Christ in their worlds, and that is started with honor and gracious giving of themselves to others.

Training in graciousness has opened jobs for my children, scholarships, opportunities of all sorts. Having a value to honor and attend to others has caused others to want to work with them.

Eyes, voice and attitude were the ways we spoke of practically showing graciousness to others.

How have you trained your children to become a picture of the graciousness of God to others?

May someone treat you graciously today!

Be sure to order your Own Your Life planner and Bible study guide today and start your fall off with fresh perspective. I hope you will be inspired by the new stories and material! Buy HERE

Waiting Long Enough to Live a Big Story Takes Patience and Lots of Time {24 Family Ways #19}

The legendary living old tree at our "ranch," in the middle of Texas.

Way #19:

WE CHOOSE TO BE PATIENT, EVEN WHEN WE FEEL LIKE GETTING OUR OWN WAY.

Memory Verse: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32

Gnarly branches twist and turn all around the trunk of our mysterious ancient tree, that whispered to us of  old untold stories hidden. it held the mystique of the generations it had witnessed, but hid from our sight.  Surely, as it stood in a cattle tank and was well watered, it knew the lives of those living in the 75 year old farm house just standing amongst relative trees in the near distance. Standing in the hidden brush of some property our family owns right in the middle of Texas, it was a hiking point on our evening walks. Most of the trees on our 200 acres are small scrub oak--yet this is the grand daddy of all the trees! When the kids and Clay and I first discovered it for ourselves, we could not believe how amazingly large it is. With our whole family holding hands around the tree, we could not even totally enclose the circumference. It is much larger even than it looks in this picture that my brother-in-law, Wiley Clarkson, took!

The stories this tree could tell if it could talk! It has grown and given shade to many people through the years, but it is thought to have lasted generations. Yet, this gigantic tree, started out as a little spring of a tree, but with all the potential of becoming large, old and grand at its inception. But it took a very, very long time. This tree grew through storms, draught, tornadoes and lightening. The tree has a story to tell now, since it has lasted longer than all of the other trees that are long gone. But to tell this grand story, it had to be patient to live well and strong through all the decades.

As I have been reflecting on my life, in order, hopefully, to make the next several years intentional. However, I have been quite blessed to look back on my life and see that God has taken all of the years and made them fruitful and productive. Most days, I could not see the growth, even months, I could not see the growth. Yet, over the years, God was building a legacy through our family, our children, our ministry and our writing and speaking--but each day was lived and invested one day at a time, waiting, hoping, that our faithfulness mattered.

There were seemingly desolate times of illness, loneliness, financial issues, emotional hurts and separation from other "Christians" that broke our heart. And yet, God kept saying, daily in our quiet times,

"Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD." Psalm 27: 14

Rare, if any,  is the verse that says, "Give up now--this is the time." or "Don't be patient with those immature, irrational people in your life--you deserve to quit since life is hard!"

Quite the contrary--wait, hope, work, be steadfast, cultivate faithfulness--wait and you will see God.

God, through allowing us to wait, is building faith, leadership, spiritual muscle, maturity, messages, and a platform that will become the messages the Spirit wants to teach us so we can be a blessing with others.

Patience is learned moment by moment in irritating circumstances. It is learned through seasons--(terrible twos, tricky teens, hormonal middle age, old age senility). Teaching your child little by little to be patient, to control His spirit, to exercise self-control, is training your child to learn to wait on God.

Contemporary culture gives us permission to compromise at every point--marriage, commitments, ideals, friendship--we want instant gratification--we are the generation of "I want it now."

Yet, God's will is to build the character of Christ in us and His way is to teach us to wait--to rule over our emotions and to be still and know that "He is God."

Patience leads to all sorts of strength--spiritual, mental, physical, skill acquisition, (musical accomplishment, athletic strength, academic prowess, financial security) so many blessings come through learning to be patient.

In the end, the man of medium skill and talent who perseveres is of much greater long term value than the talented, skillful person who quits and gives up.

So as we approach this important way, we must look for all sorts of ways to underline the importance of patience, ruling over our emotions, waiting on God patiently, practicing patience with those who push our buttons. Valuing patience is valuing spiritual maturity.

And so, as you instruct your children in this important virtue, be patient as it takes them time to learn this character strength! :)

What an amazing verse--a slow to anger person, one who controls his spirit, is better, stronger, more rare than a person able to capture a whole city--in other words, he who is patient, will win the day.

In what areas do you find it most difficult to be patient?

I am not naturally patient. I wasted many precious seasons of my life wishing them away, someone thinking the next season would be easier. God taught me slowly. Now, I seek more to pace myself and to see each miracle each day. It is still not easy as I am a "fast-paced" person, but I just wish I had not wasted so much time trying to hurry things that needed time to grow, and just enjoyed the process more.

God is with you, God is building you and your children and your vision, God will be faithful when you wait on Him.

Have you been enjoying the study of Our 24 Family Ways this summer? There is still time to join us as we learn about them all, and if you'd like to catch up, click the image to link back to all the posts in the series.

Own Your Life Webcast: Tonight! Join in the inspiration and fun

 

You can buy my new Bible study guide and planner HERE.

I am so excited about my webcast tonight for Own Your Life. Hundreds of moms are joining me from all over the world to talk about how to live a life that flourishes when we learn the secret of living by God's call and purposes in our lives.

So many have written me stories of how they are taking steps of faith to own their life, like these:

*When I read your book, it gave me hope. I left my husband because of abuse and was living in a shelter. After reading your book, I decided to start a ministry of outreach to other abused women. We now have 50 women meeting each week to study Own Your Life. We have had a retreat, organized jobs for 12 women and have become quite close friends in the last 6 months. Thank you for pointing us to God's possibilities.

*Cancer had ravaged my body and I had been in chemo for 9 months. At the end of this cycle, someone gave me Own Your Life and I decided to do something for someone else to take my mind off of myself. I am now working as a volunteer at the hospital to counsel and encourage families whose children have cancer. I feel like I now have renewed purpose to live.

*I am not a teacher type of a person, but when I read Own Your Life, I realized that if I was lonely, I needed to do something about it. I put a poster up in my grocery store and passed out fliers in my neighborhood to start a mom's group and now I have 12 women who have been meeting for 3 months. I can't believe that God has used me, an introvert, to start a group where so many are being encouraged.

*I am a mama of three children under 5. Having never been trained to be a mom, and coming from a broken family, I always felt that I was doing a terrible job at being a mother. After I read Own Your Life, I felt encouraged to begin making my home a place of life, interest, beauty, fun and a place I would enjoy. I decided to love my children every day as the gift God had given me for now and to accept the puzzle I had been given. For the first time since I became a mom, I have peace inside and have been able to love my children more patiently because I now know it is what God wants me to do. Thank you for writing this book.

I have been receiving hundreds of letters, emails and messages like this the past few months. Tonight, I will be sharing some foundational stories and Biblical encouragement about what it means to "Own Our Lives" and to move to a more meaningful life. I hope you will be able to join me. Looking so forward to it.

Remember, you must register by 5:15 Mountain Time to receive your materials and registration for the conference. We cannot take anyone at the last minute. The conference is filling up quickly and there is always a possibility we will have to close down registration.

You will receive a free pdf of my new guide book (a condensed version of the book with the same content) so that you can print it out and put it in a binder with the purchase of the conference, as well as a wonderful printable poster to encourage you.

If you want a hard copy of my new book, you can buy it on Amazon.

Hope you can join us. We shall have a grand time.

Register HERE!

Planning Picnics and Parties through the Pathways of Hell

"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."

Desmond Tutu

Candlelight flickered in the lanterns on our deck as close friends sipped their last drop of a drink and munched the last bits of homemade bread and cheese.

"You all have been to hell and back the last couple of decades."

"How did you make it through in tact?" a friend questioned after a long evening of telling stories and reliving memories of some of the challenges during our years as a family.

(This is where the title of this blog came from, as you will see. Excuse my language, but it seemed our friend had aptly understood some of the stories he had drawn out from us that night.)

Often, people say to me, "Sally, it must have been easy for you to hold all of those ideals. Seems your children just responded because it was their personality to do so."

Having heard this so many times in their own lives, the Clarkson kids, just shake their heads and wonder how anyone thinks ideals come easily. I could write quite a list of life-challenging issues that have, at times, broken our hearts, caused us despair, wreaked havoc in our family life and of course tempted us to quit our ideals.

Yet, it is true that we have been a blessed family and the glory came from walking each day of life together holding fast to the promises we found in scripture.

When Joy was growing up, so much younger than my older children, it seems we had so many years of depressing circumstances that I thought she was going to be emotionally damaged from so many discouraging seasons. Raising a child with innocence when the issues flying around are hard held us in tension each day.

Later on the night our friend had talked about us "walking through hell," Joy and I were out on an evening sunset walk.

She remarked, "Mama, sometimes when I hear all of the stuff you and Daddy had to live through during my growing up years, I am amazed at how you made it thorough it all. But when I look back on my memories, I think you were making picnics and parties all the way through "hell" and lighting candles in each step of darkness to bring the reality of God's presence into our lives. I remember those years with such sweetness."

Somehow she relieved some of the guilt I had felt and carried for many years. There were so many times I had wanted to apologize to her for moments of despair, weariness or exhaustion during her "little" years. Yet, God's grace had covered over some of my dark feelings and when I sought to practice joy in the midst, God took my little efforts and made them enough.

I think sometimes mamas carry guilt for what is normal life in a fallen world. We will never be able to make the world a "Disneyland" experience for our children, but we can make our home a place of light-giving.

To dispel darkness in our lives by faith, I practiced many little "light" habits

The reason I lit candles every night at dinner, and put on music was that I wanted to bring a memory of beauty amidst our difficult days.

The reason I rubbed their little hands with lotion and told them stories in which they were the heroes at bedtime was that I wanted them to have a memory of love and hope that day.

The reason I would start each day kissing their little heads and telling them what a blessing they were to me was to help my spirit live into what I believed they were--a blessing--but didn't always feel.

Staying up late into the night with generous hearts of encouragement to listen to our teens and to help them learn the realities of the world and its challenges gave them a place to talk about every issue, to share every secret.

Sometimes we think that our children will not be ok, because our days are sometimes filled with stress and discord which make us feel dark inside. The reality is that all of us have fallen places in our lives and have difficult issues that we never imagined.

The issue is not if we have hard times, but how we choose to see them. If we see them as opportunities to trust God, to bring His grace into our lives, to teach our children and friends how to light a candle in the darkness, then these days will be a work of faith that honors our precious Lord and shows His reality.

Our testimony is not in the great feats of faith, but in the sacrificial moments in every day life when we choose courage and joy.

But, I know now, that in spite of the days I yelled or was impatient or down, my children most of all remember my love, my desire to cultivate a dancing heart amidst soo much.

Owning my Life meant to perceive myself as:

Bringing light into darkness (You are the light of the world.)

Bringing savory into their mundaneness (You are the salt of the earth.)

Bringing love into discord and making peace when I felt like complaining. (They will know you are my disciples by your love--even your children will know by your love.) I was not perfect at loving, and made oh so many mistakes. But I also learned to say "I'm so sorry."

What were the lessons learned from all the many, many difficulties?

Our children learned how to be warriors in a difficult world because God allowed so many challenges in our lives and we worked through them as a family. They saw us pray, work hard, walk by faith and seek to believe in the light while walking in the darkness. Now they have a pattern in their own lives to follow from memories of walking through these times together.

Heaven became a place of our hope, while we grew in our understanding that "in this world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world." We began to realize that we would not always find justice in this world, but that God's goodness, love and mercy saw us through each season.

Compassion, humility and sympathy was a gift we all learned because we needed it so much and it helped us to see the need in others more quickly than if we had experienced a perfect life.

Somehow, there were so many times we had to beg mercy, help and guidance from God, that we all saw our insufficiencies and were even more grateful for understanding we would never be alone and that God, who answered our needs so many times, would answer again.

Today, we see darkness of this time of history invading so many areas of life. Yet, it makes this a perfect time for us to be those who celebrate God's reality in the midst of darkness, to be those who spread hope and cheer in the moments we are tempted to despair, that we practice each day noticing the sunrises and sunsets, the stars, the blooming flowers and soft fluffy clouds amidst the mundane demands of our weary days.

Women have such capacity to bring joy amidst each day to say, "This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."

Heroes are made in the quiet moments of life when courage is chosen, generosity of faith is practiced and when we learn to celebrate life each day as we journey, ultimately toward heaven.

This is a small part of what it means to Own Your Life--to bring God's light and grace into each day of the puzzle of your own life.

We will be talking about so many personal life issues like this in the Own Your Life Webcast on Thursday evening. I hope you will be able to join me and hundreds of other women as we share in these heart issues together.

Register HERE:

And remember, those of you who register for this webcast, (even if you cannot see it until later), will receive the free printable of the pdf of my new guidebook and Bible study guide, a $10.99 value, and over 150 pages of new stories and material.

My Two Benedictions and a Giveaway of Great Music!

Todays post from Sweetness of my heart, Joy!

Clarkson family reunions consist of plentiful feasts, long, passionate, and laughter peppered conversations, and periodic bursting into song. You probably think that I'm exaggerating or kidding; I'm not.

With each trip home from college, I grew to cherish my times home more. And there was always one treat I particularly enjoyed with my older brother (and fellow "J" named brother) Joel: jam sessions!

It started with our favorite old songs, plucking and plunking away to old musical loves like James Taylor and John Denver. Sometimes it was our latest favorite from the radio, but played with a jazzy twist or slowing it down to acoustics and harmony.

We did it for the delight of it. I have always thought that simply doing something beautiful  brings glory to God. He gave us this gift of music, and what better way to worship Him is there than to delight in the gift he has given. So we did delight in it! We hummed, and adapted songs, harmonized in the kitchen (to the chagrin of some), and even occasionally shared on Youtube.

One day, on the long drive back from California, we had an idea. Joel had come out to help me and my roommate make the long trek back to Colorado with a car packed to the hilt. As we drove along, the dark Arizona and New Mexiso roads making the stars sing out, we began to show each other old songs we had both written. As we told stories and explained lyrics, the obvious came to us: we should record some of our songs!

For posterity! For graduate school tuition! For delight!

So we made it our summer project. We delved into a decade of songs we had both written, and even wrote some songs together. As we whittled away which songs we would record, an EP with themes of love, the frailty of relationships, and our need for grace began to come together. We call ourselves "Two Benedictions" because we hope that the songs we sing can be blessings. It was a great experience for me to see Joel working with the orchestration (which he did like a PRO, if I can brag on him). I began to see him not only as a sibling, but as a professional; and he is great at his trade!

And so it is done! We have recorded our EP.

We call it "Sun of Man" based on title and last track on the album. It is a song about delight and beauty and our need to return to God's grace again and again. We all need that. I know I do.

So we hope you like it and that it brings a little bit of beauty, delight, grace, and love into your life. We hope our songs of delight seem to you a Benediction!

And here's a clip from one of the story songs on the EP

[playlist ids="42089"]

Blessings, Joy and Joel

You can purchase the album HERE at cd baby. Hope you enjoy.

PS: On this our special launch day, we will be giving away five free EPs!

If you share this blog on all your social media sites (Facebook, twitter, instagram) and let us know, we will enter you to win. If you buy and album it will help support me to Oxford. :)

PPS: Please go and like our Facebook page: Two Benedictions Like Page .

Don't forget to sign up for the webcast!

Share the webinar on your page and let me know about it below and you can have extra entries to win an ep! (I am giving 5 away for them, too!)