The Work of A Mama's Hands

Maybe your hands are weary today as you pat heads, fold clothes, stir soup, and scrub dishes.  But the work your hands are doing is priceless work, work your children will remember.  Sharing from The Mission of Motherhood today. I hope it's an encouragement to you!

As I look back to the memories of my childhood, a strong image that comes to my mind is that of my mother's loving hands. I thought they were the most beautiful in the world.

In many ways, I still feel that way.
  Because I had been a premature baby, I was often sick with a variety of respiratory illnesses, including chronic asthma and occasional bouts with pneumonia. My memories of these illnesses, however, are mostly pleasant, because my mother would gently stroke my brow as she talked softly or told me stories and gave me her full attention. I remember feeling very loved from such focused attention.

At other times, when I fidgeted in church services, I remember my mother's hands massaging my own, pulling and squeezing each of my fingers as she quietly played finger games with me. As a young child, sitting next to her in a big overstuffed chair, I would watch her hands as she read to me from an oversized children's book. Her fingers would point to the enticing, heart-delighting pictures and turn the pages of the large volumes as we leisurely sat together and talked and read.

And during the period when I was having a recurring nightmare—one I still remember!—I especially remember the comfort of my mother's hands when she came to my bedside. She would take my hand in hers as she knelt to pray with me, soothing away my fears and comforting me as she entreated God to take all of my bad thoughts away.

Now, many, many years removed from my mother and a thousand miles away, these memories of my mother's hands are still strong in my heart.  Those hands are now old and wrinkled and aching with arthritis, yet still, as an adult, I often wish she were with me to stroke my brow in the midst of illness and exhaustion, to massage away the frustration and boredom of tedious days, to open windows to the world while reading to me in a big old chair, and to take my hand in prayer and cast away all the fears of my life. The touch of a mother's hand and the power of a mother's love indeed has carried me through many moments of my life.

As I look to the needs of children of today, I am convinced they need the same things from their mothers that I needed—and received—from mine. They need not only the gentle touch of a mother's hands, but her focus and her attention on a daily basis. They need a champion and a cheerleader, someone who has the time and energy to give encouragement along life's way and comfort in dark times. They need a directive voice to show them how to live.

These needs are not frivolous demands. They're part of the way God designed children. And meeting those needs is not an option or a sideline for mothers, but part of his design as well.

Now, my mama has passed away. When I wrote this 12 years ago, I was in the midst of remembering the difference her touch and soothing affection made in my life. How I wish for just an hour when I would have her eyes looking at me with love, her hands squeezing and massaging my own, and her voice of approval and affection. Just one more time with my mama.

But the memories still carry me now, knowing that she had to make choices to give me these memories--choices to "see" me when she could have been distracted or busy with her demanding life. Today, I am going to reach out to all of my own adult children because I want them to have one more moment and touch of my mama love.

I hope this story was an encouragement to you--and that you enjoyed this peek into The Mission of Motherhood .

If you'd like to read more, you may purchase a copy at the link!

Because I said so....The Role of Honor in Character Development

Alwin Arnegger

"Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul."

Proverbs 29:17

Idealistic artists chattering, drinking coffee, discussing every kind of art including great music, writing, drawing, sculpting filled the oxygen of my creative mind with much food for thought this weekend. Every year, for the past few, we have had the privilege of attending Hutchmoot, in Nashville. Always a pleasure to meet new kindred spirits as well as old friends. Great to breathe in the air of creative types.

Clay and I were asked to speak about creating The Imaginal Home: Creating  an Atmosphere to Cultivate Creativity. What a great time we had interacting with so many about this issue.

Though we covered many topics very quickly in the short amount of time we had for our seminar, one of the thoughts that came to my mind, after talking to a number of parents,  is how important components of character are in cultivating children to develop their talent.

We all have conversations, don't we,  that begin in one area and then lead to another which then takes a rabbit trail to another? So my conversations this weekend started with cultivating creative children and ended up on a whole different subject--we started out speaking about raising children who cultivate imagination and develop artistic talents and skills and we ended on the importance of character and honor to the process of becoming excellent in any field--especially in the realm of Christian artistry.

So, it this blog seems a little rabbit-traily--it is because it is so!

The Role of Teaching Your Children to Follow your Instruction

Of course in our session this weekend, we covered many traditions, values, books, lessons, tools that we used in our home to raise 4 children who are vested professionally in the arts. But one of the most important starting points--in training children in any discipline, is teaching them to submit to instruction.

Often mamas say to me, "My child just doesn't want to do what I tell them to do." 

"My children resist me and I can't make them do anything they don't want to do."

Of course children resist the instruction of parents--they are children and they have their own little wills that must be gently trained and confronted, over and over again. Just because we don't see results of training children every day, all the time, does not mean that your children are not learning and growing. Training a child to have godly character takes lots of time.

But it will be very difficult to teach our children any skill or discipline until they have learned to follow our instruction. They must practice obeying so they will be used to honoring us and responding to our teaching. The finest artists, writers, sculptors, are those who are disciplined and have learned to work hard. We all have dreams or ideas of something we wish we could accomplish or do in life. Yet, the challenging work of becoming an effective artist, or an accomplished person in any work,  is directly related to the character and integrity one possesses.

So often we hear grace-based discipline thrown around and written about as a philosophy of child discipline. Many would say our book, Heart-felt Discipline is a grace-based book.

However, I think there is some confusion in thinking that "grace-based" means lenient or non-discipline for a child. Scripture teaches that all children and adults need instruction, training, correction, admonishment, leadership! As with adults, so with children.

We must learn to say no to our children again and again--just because we said so......We are their parents, we are the adults, we are (hopefully the wise ones) who are to lead them into paths of righteousness.

God, as a father, also says no to us, often! He is concerned that we learn to listen to His will, to obey His instruction. Only as we bow our knees to His will, will we be able to live into our capacity for work, spiritual strength, accomplishment.

One of the first principles our children were to learn in our home was to obey Clay and me. All children balk, because like us, they are selfish at heart and need to move from self-absorption to self-control, from immature self-serving ways to mature, servanthood ways of life. That means they will have to learn the meaning of the word "no" and that training to maturity will be a long process.

Over and over again, "No, not this, THIS."

And sometimes as parents of teachers or mentors in ministry, we forget that learning is a long process of repetition. But excellence demands that we move forward in the journey from immaturity to maturity, from uneducated to educated, little by little.

How in the world does this relate to cultivating creative children?

Probably the most important wisdom I wanted our children to understand was that God was holy, righteous, just, perfect--above all of us in every aspect of His being. I wanted them to learn to honor God, to bow their knee before Him in every decision, every value, every action in life. In short, I wanted them to understand what it meant to worship God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength was to have a heart that was willing to obey God's desires and commandments.

But this kind of worship begins with a heart that understands submission and obedience to us, the parents they could see and understand.

And so, our children were taught to understand that they were to honor us in their hearts by learning to respect us in their obedience. If they learned the pattern of obeying Clay and me, if they learned to respect us, then they would have a heart that was ready to submit to God and to honor Him in their thoughts, actions and values as adults.

They learn to submit to us and to honor us so that they could learn to bow their knees to the living God. The ability to learn, to take instruction, to be humble enough to respond to admonition is a foundational requirement to becoming skillful in life.

Sometimes this meant we had to take hours to get to the bottom of what was going on. We taught our children to talk to us, to learn to articulate what was going on in their hearts. Securing obedience is not a power play of authoritarian force. Securing obedience is an issue of learning to get to the heart of children, learning to listen to them, learning to teach them truths little by little. Sometimes our children need a good sleep from being exhausted, not a lecture about how to obey. Sometimes a confused teenager needed something delicious that was warm to drink, understanding what was going on in their teen heart.  Teaching honor meant we honored our children by the ways we spoke to them, treated them. Teaching obedience is a long process of a gracious loving parent gently leading their children to a submissive heart, but requiring obedience and honor as a way of life.

Sometimes in the early years, the pattern of obedience needed to be learned without lots of discussion. "Mama wants you to do this or that, and you pick them up in your arms and help them do the task that was requested. But it is a pattern of instruction that deeply leaves a pattern of submission out of a heart that wants to honor, because they have been served and loved.

All children who have been trained to humility, obedience and honor have teachable hearts and can more easily take instruction. Children who are humble and obedient learn to receive instruction. They learn self-discipline as they practice honor and obedience which leads them to a life of practicing developing the muscle of self-discipline. It is all a process of laying foundations of character that lead to a life that will be disciplined to work hard, to take instruction and to have humility--all of which can prepare them to follow this process in becoming skillful at any type of work or art.

One of the basics of raising creative children is raising children who have learned to listen, to obey, to follow directions, to practice what they have learned, to work hard.

But the beginning of all of these aspects of becoming excellent at any aspect of artistry, starts with a heart that is familiar with respecting those who would instruct him.

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the LORD your God gives you."

Deut. 5:16

Honor is the attitude of the heart that we seek to cultivate in ourselves as well as our children. Honor in the heart leads to submission in behavior. Our children were taught to respect us--period! They learned to obey us because we were their parents. Period. If they learned not to question our instruction, then they would learn not to question God's requirements and instruction to them. It is a process of growth over time. Parents get to model God and His ways to teach their children to learn first hand, in their every day moments of life, how to walk with God by the ways they have learned to relate to each other and their parents in their homes.

  In our home, we always came to child discipline knowing that the goal of our instruction was to teach and train our children to obey us, to obey God, to submit to instruction so that they could grow and become strong inside, and live into their God-given potential.  As Proverbs says, Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul."

Last weekend, when I was with our boys in New York City, they indeed brought delight to my soul. They spoke of the Lord, of ideas they are pondering, books they read, thoughts that inspired them, and they giggled with me over stories of life--they were such a delight to my soul. We have mutual respect, and have cultivated the deepest of friendships--that started with learning to honor each other, by learning to honor Clay and me. This kind of soul that was alive with light, truth, ideas, goodness came from a life-time of being trained and learning to respond to wisdom and instruction.

Serving our children, loving them, investing lots of personal time, considering their age and personality were all a part of our very close, personal relationship with them. We considered them personally when we gave instruction and sought to understand their hearts every day, all the time. But, always, we sought to build our relationship on a foundation of honor, teaching them to honor us, because that is what God requires.

And when a child learns to listen and obey, they learn to rule over their spirits, to practice honoring others by the ways they speak, the ways they behave and the ways they relate to others.

Giving them these tools prepared them to succeed in adult relationships, in work and in life.

By learning to honor us, our children learned to honor other adults, teachers, trainers, and to be able to submit to instruction--and eventually, after many years of practice--to honor each other.

Honor lead them to learn how to work with people, to work with others in business, to lead others in classes they taught, to influence others and to become good friends and partners.

I know this is a long, stream of consciousness article, but I do hope there is some value to what I have written. Not enough time for editing tonight! Still traveling and not enough time.

So I am off with my sweet friends tonight in Nashville for a bonfire with Clay, but wanted to share a few thoughts that were mulling in my head. We shall return to podcasts soon--but I have to be home to do that.

Grace and peace to your days and to your week.

Own Your Life Fridays: Owning Your Life Puzzle Today For a Legacy of Faith Tomorrow

Traveling the last couple of months has given me so many opportunities to visit sweet ones and hear about the stories of their lives. Those who live by faith, trust God to bring light in the current circumstances of their lives, seek to "Love Him with all of their might," by being faithful right where they are, are those who have hope that today matters. 

Faith sees each day as a place to bring God's reality, love and light into each day. However, often, in the past weeks, I have also talked with sweet ones who blame others or circumstances for their current difficulties, and these mamas live in places that bring darkness to their souls. 

I have found that when I sow light, I reap light. When I sow darkness, doubt and anger, I reap the discouragement of that investment. All of us have times of great discouragement and difficulty in this world of ours. But when we understand that God wants to redeem our days, our family, our marriage story, our mistakes and move one day at a time toward pleasing Him by walking by faith, we begin to see that He is with us, His presence is gently, slowly leading us, and we do begin to see redemption and grace through the story of our lives. 

Today, I am still on the road, this time with my wonderful Clay at a conference we attend each year, amidst friends and creative types.

But I have you on my mind. Praying for each of you that you will pray about what it means to Own your life by seeking to find God's reality in this day, this season, in this difficulty. May He give you grace and you seek Him in Owning Your Life by seeking to serve Him amidst the moments of your life today--without excuses, without doubt--moving ahead by the belief that He cares and that He rewards those who seek Him. Grace to you today.

One Wednesday as I was driving to physical therapy for my thrown-out back, I was already acutely aware of life’s ambivalence for my plans and expectations. I had scrambled around the house looking in vain for my purse, and finally just got in the car without it, excited to steal a quick breakfast with Joy before my appointment.

But the inconvenience didn’t end there!

Somehow, on our way to a cafe in Denver, we had been to many times before, we got lost in the labyrinth of downtown Denver crossroads. As I was turning down another wrong road, Joy was calling the theater where I thought I might have left my purse. No purse. Late for my physical therapy appointment if we stopped for breakfast. And then a traffic jam where we were at a standstill. My frustration made me want to throw my hands in the air with a dramatic, “This morning is wasted!”

But I knew it wouldn’t help, so I took a deep breath and we pressed on.

So often it can feel like weeks, months, and years of life can become an endless comedy of errors, rife with work, ear infections, bills, diapers, and a hundred other setbacks. And yet, when we focus on the chaos around us, we can forget to see the beauty and purpose God has for us in each stage of life.

There was a time in my life when my days were consumed in an endless cycle of mamawith-little-ones duties. It would’ve been easy for me to think during that season that my life wasn’t very important, and certainly didn’t rise to the level of radical Christian living.

I love the poster above that a friend made for me. One of my favorite quotes often attributed to different people, (Eleanor Roosevelt and a Chinese proverb), is

"It is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness."

The wonderful grace and glory of a woman who walks with God by faith, is that she brings light into her darkness, and hope into the dark clouds of despair, and love into conflict. As those filled with the very spirit of Jesus, we have the ability to bring His redeeming life into every moment. It is our worship of Him to trust Him to live through us with His reality each day.

It was in those hidden years that God was building and strengthening a foundation of love, faithfulness, and fruitfulness. The books I read to my little ones planted seeds of courage and heroism in their hearts. The everyday, seemingly unromantic investments I made in my marriage became a rare story of a faithful partnership.

It is the unseen actions of obedience that shapes the story we will tell.

We all have landmark moments in our lives where God’s will is clear; the real work— and the real reward—is having eyes to see God’s work in all the normal days.

My challenge in that time was to look for God’s fingerprints in my life.

I began to realize that God’s purpose for me would not begin in five, ten, or twenty years. His purpose had already begun in my life and it took the form of the children, the husband, the community, and the work I had in front of me each day.

Instead of looking ahead for some unrealized hope for fulfillment, I began to see each mundane moment as a potential altar of worship before the Lord of the universe. Every meal I cooked, every neighbor that came for tea, every skinned knee I kissed—each was a brick in the foundation of the legacy I wanted to leave.

To begin to see beauty and purpose in your ordinary days begins with a heart that wants to engage with God. If you don’t trust that God is working, then your response to difficulties is despair or a choice to accept hopelessness, to live in meaningless existentialism.

This story is an excerpt from Own Your Life Bible Study and planner. There is a Bible study and application questions you will find in the study guide to help you plan your own unique life.

Have a wonderful weekend. I am praying for you.

A Mama's Walk With God

A Few Thoughts to ponder from The Mom Walk

Each of us has a long road we must walk as a mother. The road is extensive and fraught with adventure, joy, obstacles, dangers, and distractions. How we walk the journey, though, will determine our success as mothers.

As I contemplated what this meant to me, I realized the signifi- cance of this whole concept of "walking" with God as a mom. No one will have exactly the same walk or journey. Our personality, skills, background, husband, financial status, theological underpinnings, children, health, place of birth and residence, relationships, stresses, and so on will be different than any other mom's. We will each have a unique, individual path to walk. Yet, how comforting it is to know that God has known all the details of our path and our days from before we were born (Psalm 139).

The older I get, the more I have realized that only God sees all the details of my life. Only God has access to the heart and soul of my children. Only God knows and understands the stresses I bear uniquely from my own road of life. Only God has been there in the early hours of the morning, when all is still dark, to know, hear, and understand the struggles and problems of my heart that I have poured out to Him. Only God understands the myriads of feelings I have sifted through in my heart.

I concluded, then, that the success of a mom's walk through her years of motherhood is largely dependent on her walk with God. If she learns to love Him and trust Him and listen to His voice through prayer and Scripture, then she will walk on a road that leads to success in God's eyes. It is not about how much we can control our lives and the lives of our children or how well we can live up to standards our culture has imposed on us. It is not a matter of doing all the right things.

It is all about how well we learn to walk this journey with God, how well we provide a godly pattern for our children to follow and teach them how to walk their own paths with God. It is by living in the presence of God and resting in His will and walking in His power and being a part of what He is doing in and through our lives. In other words, the Mom Walk consists of committing to walk with Him as our guide, with His wisdom and perspective, and with Him to protect us and strengthen us. It is God's will for us to get to the finish line of our mothering journey without being used up, dried out, spent, or depressed. By following His design, we can finish our walks well. He designed us to walk this road with Him.

~ Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

The Secret of Homeschooling with Life, Grace and Excellence Part 1

Such a fun weekend with my two boys--I was so sad to leave. They are best friends and great companions.

Talking, discussing ideas, sharing thoughts about God, what we have been reading--just bubbling over each other with chatter and sharing of ourselves with each other is the "Clarkson" way. Always lots and lots of words spilling between us. But my mama heart loves seeing who my adult children have become. They are most interesting and inspiring to be around for me as an adult--and they call me to my highest ideals.

Often, when people get to know my adult children, they ask me, "What did you do in your home? What curriculum did you use? Why are all of your children writers? Why do they still love God?"

I believe that all homes are designed to be a sanctuary of all that is sacred and all that is excellent and true. Discipleship, (mentoring our children or others to love Christ and to live for His kingdom) is at the heart of our home. Shaping it into a place where all that is good, true and beautiful can be cultivated in hearts, minds and souls. As mothers, artists of all that is excellent and true in the world, we get to design our homes and cultivate them into a place that fills the souls of our children with wisdom, truth, and the skill of living. What we invest into them is what will come out of them.

But now, with the proliferation of curriculums, things to buy, activities to be involved in, mamas overload themselves with pressure to perform, schedules that are overfull and impossible tasks to accomplish. No wonder women burn out and become exhausted, angry and disillusioned. And so much of what they buy into is exhausting their lives and un-useful and demotivating to their children and to them.

Homeschooling really is a heart issue--capturing their hearts with vision, truth, story, imagination of what they can become in their lifetimes and lots of great resources stored inside.

No doubt about it, homeschooling is a long, arduous journey that requires many years. But God intended home and family to be a place of great blessing and joy. Homeschooling should be organic, an extension of home life.

Today, Kristen and I begin to discuss some of what that looks like for us. Hope you enjoy our podcast. We are learning a lot and are hopefully both going to have balanced microphones for the next sessions! Little by little.

Mom Heart Registration is Open! Hope you can come for our last year!

A Personal Letter from Sally

Dear Sweet Friends,

I hope you will be able to join me and my friends for a Mom Heart Conference this year. Every year is special, but this one will happen in a perfect storm of three converging realities—(1) the release of my newest book, The Lifegiving Home; (2) the celebration of 20 years of conference ministry to mothers; and (3) the official final year of our conference ministry. Yes, I know. I’ll get to that third reality in a moment, but first let me share with you about the first two.

As a woman made in God’s image, I have always believed I have a special role by God’s design to be a lifegiver. Like Eve, whose name means “Life,” I believe I am divinely designed with both a biological capability and a spiritual capacity for giving life—I bring life into this world by child-bearing, and I bring life into my world by home-building. I believe that every woman of God can tap into those parts of her nature. This year, I want to encourage moms to become confident, convinced, and capable lifegivers at home.

My new book, The Lifegiving Home, has been percolating in my spirit and in Sarah's for many years. I am grateful Tyndale gave us the opportunity to get out of us and into a book that has been in my heart for so long. It’s a history of the Clarkson home, the ways we lived life, celebrated Christ and His incarnation into all the corners and moments of our lives and a definition of what home was created to be. Join us also, in our journey through the twelve months of a year exploring the ways that I have tried to bring God’s life, and the life of Christ, into our home for over thirty years as well as seeing it from Sarah's eyes and memories as a child. It’s how that lifegiving home is an integral part of my mission and ministry of motherhood, and even my walk with God as a mother. And as the subtitle of the book so perfectly captures, I want to help you become God’s lifegiver by “creating a place of belonging and becoming” in your lifegiving home.

In many ways, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the twenty years of this conference ministry. It’s all been about becoming a woman and mother after God’s heart, the one He designed you to be and put in your heart to be. That simple, biblical message began in a small church in Texas in 1996 for about 120 women. In 1998 it moved to a hotel as the WholeHearted Mother Conference and then expanded to other states. In 2006 we took a year off, but came back again in 2007 as what would become the Mom Heart Conference. And here we are another decade later. I am grateful for this ministry that God placed into my heart and hands, and this year we’ll take some time to celebrate the twenty (20!) years of mom conference ministry we’ve been able to enjoy.

But then there’s that third reality. The “final year” thing. When Clay and I started Whole Heart Ministries in 1994, having a hotel “conference ministry” was not on our spiritual radar. We just wanted to write books and speak, but things change—God had other plans, so conferences happened, and we’ve been faithful to do this conference ministry for twenty years. But now it’s time for another change—our children are all grown and gone now, volunteer families have aged, hotel costs are going up, winter weather is more uncertain, and Clay and I are slowing down. We feel it is time to switch gears so we can find a good cruising speed for the next decade. We’re not going away as a ministry, and there will likely still be some smaller speaking events along the way, but twenty years seems like a good time to say, “That’s a wrap.” It will be a quiet ending with no big fanfare, and we’ll appreciate whoever is there with us to mark the memory.

My heart will beat with a passion to give Christian mothers hope and help for their strategic role in God’s plan for as long as God allows me to minister. My mind is alive with vision for how to reach and help more mothers—the Internet, small groups worldwide, Spanish language materials, new books, and more. I hope you will join me this year as we reach out together to take hold of all God has for us as lifegiving mothers. That’s what I’m here for. That’s what we’re all here for. Join me.

In his heart,

Sally Clarkson

To Register, go HERE

Registration officially opens at noon tomorrow. :)

Be sure to tell your friends about it and tell them to register early as we expect this year's conferences to sell out quickly.

We have lots of great speakers and fun surprises for our conferences this year. I am so excited. We shall have a grand time together and change our worlds together!

A Little Autumn Gathering: Making Time to Know Women

And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Hebrews 10:25

Tears have been welling up in my eyes--can't help it. I have been editing the final version of my new book coming out in February. But, reading it and having written it is touching a deep place in my heart. This book is the story of our home, our children, our traditions, our stories, our lives. To re-live what God has allowed our family to weave together into the Clarkson history has been one of the most profound privileges of my life. And I want to inspire others to live a story worth telling to their own children for generations to come.

But in the midst of writing this, I realized that I wanted to be sure I was not living such a "working" life in ministry, now that my children are adults, and working, living and going about their own responsibilities--without making time to invest in the sweet women around me. I knew that our home had always embraced the people God brought into our lives. So, I also knew I needed to make room in my life for real live relationships.

I have been teaching a Bible study for about 10 years here in the Colorado Springs area. But eventually, our email list contained 180 women--sometimes as many as 100 would be at my monthly meetings. I never had time to know anyone individually, so I taught and felt a distance between me and the many women who came.

My leadership team and I decided that this year, we wanted to make room for personal relationships with the moms who were in our monthly meetings.

Last Bible study I taught, I gave them an outline for making plans for their years. We told our women that the first 10 women who completed a plan for their year, would be invited to a dinner at my house for a personal time of sharing. We were designing some accountability in that the sweet women had to do something that would help them ultimately, and 10 women accepted the challenge within a couple of days. Tonight was the night.

I made a simple meal--homemade chicken vegetable soup. My friends who help me lead the study brought salad, bread and an apple crisp. We gathered around the table with candlelight and music and I pulled out the china from my mom and we had a wonderful time together.

Each of us had several minutes to tell our story and what we were planning for this year to "Own Our Plans and Schedule." Sharing heart issues, struggles, ideals, loneliness, exhaustion, hopes, dreams, goals--such a warm, lovely evening together. Now, when I go to teach the large Bible study, I will know the stories behind these precious ones. I know how to pray for them. Some have determined to get together for coffee to share further.

I have observed over the years that when I extend an invitation to others, over a simple meal or mug of tea, and we sit together face to face, God shows up. He knits our hearts together when we make time for personal, intentional time to talk, share burdens and just laugh together.

It was so easy to do, but sooooo great to be together, and now we are beginning to build bridges toward closer friendships. What about you? What might you do to begin building bridges with women in your area who also need and want friends. I would love to hear what you are doing.

The Kristen and Sally Show: Keeping your Soul alive to you can thrive! Mentoring Monday

 

Kristen and I: Sharing Some of the Ways we invest in ourselves to cultivate a rich inner life

"Let your soul shine from the treasures you have stored inside through your eyes that smile and your face that shows love, so that you can bring light to all who are in your world!" 

I have said this many times to my children--what you have stored in your heart and soul is what will come out in the moments of your life. Enjoy our newest podcast below!

Many of you have heard me tell the story of Joel, as a teenager, when we had come home to a messy house after conference season was ended.

"Mama, don't you worry. We can clean up our messes like always, and then it will get messy again. But, please mom, what we want from you, is a happy mom. When you are happy the world goes well. When you are unhappy, we all feel guilty. So, mama, can you just chill today and be happy? Then we can all have a good day!"

Kristen and I have both pondered how to cultivate a long-term sense of joy in the life of our own homes. The beginning of joy is to cultivate an inner attitude that is willing to see every day as a gift, every season as one in which you can enjoy the presence of God.

We have realized that it is our attitude in our heart that will determine how peaceful we will be at each season. If you learn to expect limitations, difficulties, stress and life and children pushing back against your best efforts, you will have a more realistic view of what it means to be a mom. Depression often comes from disappointed expectations. If we are surprised or angry every time something goes wrong or a child has a new developmental challenge or they keep eating, wearing clothes and making messes, you will spend a lot of your motherhood years being angry and disappointed.

We will never change the stress level by being angry or bitter.

Often, when we fight against the very nature of motherhood, we find ourselves fighting against God.  

Funny that we want our children to change their attitudes, but somehow we feel we have a right to our own bad attitudes. But they end up draining our energy and stealing from the potential joy of life. Live into this season, accepting the limitations and learn to see each season as something God designed for a purpose. Don't try to rush life or push your children to develop or be independent too early.

This season is from God to slow you down, to train you to be more humble, more in the moment, more patient--to build the very character of Christ into the deep places of your heart. Learn and don't resist what He has built into this season and even though you will always feel exhausted, your heart will be more at peace, happier, if you know it has a purpose.

My Own Journey

Having 3 children in less than 5 years was a shock to my whole being. Not only had I not been trained for motherhood, I had not been developed to live a selfless life. No one told me about how much I would have to give, how much I would have to sacrifice--forever! Having grown up with 2 older brothers, the only girl, my mama, at times just wanted to spoil her little dolly. I was spoiled much of the time, left alone to fend for myself other times, but definitely not prepared to have multiple children, nurse my babes, have them naturally, and then homeschool them eventually.

Idealist should be my middle name. I wanted all of this, and to be the best mom in the world, but had no realistic idea of how to accomplish it. Today, I thought I would address some of the desperate times and a few ways I have learned to cope with them.

Always a new phase, always needs

The baby-toddler-never sleep years when you lose your body shape, have someone grabbing you all the time and are constantly in and out of different sizes of clothes (that is, if you have time to shop for clothes!) were daily, moment by moment a challenge to my centeredness in life. Losing total control all the time, every day, day after day, was a shock to my system.

Is anyone really prepared for exhaustion that lasts for years on end? I wasn't. Besides having children in quick succession, which meant I always had immature little beings making messes, fussing, sleeping, potty training or making messy diapers and getting me up at night. I fell in love with my children--just had this overwhelming, deep affection for them, but still would blow my stack, be impatient when they pushed all my buttons and I felt vague desperate feelings.

I look back now and just wish I had understood baby years. And the pre-school years, and the teen years, and and and. Because I have lived through it all, I know I had God given capacity to complete the tasks, and I am a richer, stronger person for my journey. God made each season for His own purposes.  God made babies to be dependent so that we could touch them, sing to them, bond with them, teach their little brains to believe in His love because of the way we tenderly cared for them and enjoy their sweet fat baby hand pats and smiles reserved for us. This is a time to try to just breathe, to try to notice the moments, to kiss often, smile into their precious eyes, and simplify. If you are feeling stressed because your babies push against your own schedule and expectations of life, know that you are normal. Feeling guilty for having these normal feelings is a waste of time. Just learn to grow stronger and more resilient one day at a time.

But seeking to bring gentle order, little by little, in each season of life is an essential part of having a more ordered, peaceful home.. Have eating times, play times, feeding times, bed times at the same time every day. When a little one or big one knows what to expect by the rhythms he lives in, he will be more secure and more calm. These are the anchors that bring order to the day. Babes who are held more during the day are quieter and more at peace. Teenagers who have lots of private "talk to me", "understand me" time are less likely to rebel against the mom and dad's ideals.

It requires so much of you every day, all the time--so to understand this is how to be an effective mom, learning to be a servant leader over and over again in every season, all the time, will help you to understand your long term call. I practically carried Joy everywhere we went, all the time, when I read to the kids, when I did things around the house, just kept her close and she was sooo much more calm and slept so much better. And during her young and elementary years, I sought to read to her, play with her and blow bubbles and rock her to sleep at night, just as my  teens were wanting me to stay up, talk to them, understand them, be their friend.  And, when I fell into bed exhausted,  then before I knew it, Joy would be up again wanting my attention, early in the morning. But now, I am sooo grateful that God led me through these years, because my children's hearts are tied closely to mine and we have grown into each other's best friends.

To live inside yourself thinking that at some particular time, you will have more time to yourself, or have more control, is an expectation that will probably be disappointed. Life does become easier when children are old enough to help, to do things for themselves, to learn a little more independently. Yet, each seasons requires a different kind of energy for us as moms.

Learning to see God's design in all the stages, gives meaning to the journey. But to have the wrong expectations about life becoming suddenly easier brings disappointment. Disappointed expectations can lead to depression. Anger can result. So learning to accept the limitations of a realistic life and learning to see each day as a gift, a place to worship God by choosing to accept the limitations is the beginning of growth.

Ways to Fill your heart, mind, Soul and Strength

 Make Yourself Happier! Learning to manage your life so that you can refill your heart, mind and body on a regular basis is essential to good health.

Invest in your own soul's need for pleasure, it is a God-given desire--make room for pleasure in your days, so that in spite of the seasons, you take care of yourself. Sometimes it is more important for a mama to take a nap than to wash dishes . (Isn't that what paper plates are for?)

Sometimes it is better to go to dinner or lunch or brunch with a friend, or go to a movie that is romantic, to buy yourself a new dress, earrings, get a message, than to stay home and gaze at all of your problems and worry or focus on being depressed. Whatever you water is going to grow. If you cultivate fears, stress, worries, anger, then you will grow more anxious and darker every day. But if you learn how to release these issues into the file drawer of heaven, into God's hands, and then lighten your load, you will walk with more realistic joy and contentment. Learning to cultivate hope and joy, to water the faith and happiness of your life, is an essential commitment to becoming a wise woman.

These are my pleasures that keep me happier and stronger:

I make time with old, friends--who get me and still love me, those who are fun, know my limitations, heart-breaks, weariness, desires and dreams and don't criticize or want something from me. These friendships have been built over many years. Adventures or just sitting on the couches in front of the fireplace,  chatting as the flames crackle and the night gets late.

A Hot Bath with candles late at night when NO ONE can disturb me. My clan doesn't go to bed usually until midnight, so I have to hide myself away when I just need a moment.

Sitting on the front porch watching the sun go down with something wonderful to drink and music playing out of my little Bose Speaker that goes everywhere I go. Peace, calm, beauty, quiet--so rare and so soul filling for me.

A one-woman 15 minute tea or coffee time in the middle of the day.

Ten minutes reading the psalms and then quick prayer, refocuses my mind on who God is and how much He loves me and desires to help me.

Going for long walks early in the morning or early evening--(the adrenalin builds up in me and I walk hundreds of miles a year to equalize my blood sugar  and heart attitudes.) It is a great way to build friendship with your children, too.

Travel--I love adventure and change, (I was ADD before my children were born!) so I have taken myself and the kids to new places if I could figure out how to save money to afford it or speak to pay for my travel--or stay with friends along the way.

Developing a few covenant friends who I can be myself with and who mutually pour into each other's lives who invest love together over many years--making time to be with them when the stress gets me down.

I have learned the wonderful value of massages in the past couple of years. I save, save to make this happen on occasion.

Watching a beautiful movie or reading a long great inspiring novel gives me hope.

Dark chocolate salted almonds

Reading my little daily Bible time book, reading even a half chapter in an inspiring spiritual book--even a little progress helps-- and writing one thing I have thought or learned in my journal. Spiritual strength keeps my attitude stronger--longer.

Spending time, with one or both of my girls, shopping and doing girl things-- just hanging out on our beds talking.

Lighting candles all times of day (when I need atmosphere--not wo much when the kids were little--but when I needed to pretend that the mundane day would be special. It was a sort of visual reminder of what I needed to live int.) Having my music playing or buying myself flowers. Beauty lifts my spirit.

And actually in the making of beauty for yourself, it will be the way that others around you will learn to love and celebrate life, And they will learn to take care of themselves, too. Even those little babies that seem to need you all the time, will eventually mimic the habits your practice!

What is therapy to your soul? What 2 things will you do this week? Share your ideas--I may need a new one!

Own Your Life: Creating A Plan Suited to You!

Some friends just have the funnest knack of gift giving! I love this mug--Keep Calm and Own Your Life that an angel friend sent as a surprise! But the message is so true. You have a lifetime to grow, mature, get better, stronger, and to leave a legacy, a story worth the telling.

Keep Calm. Own Your Life.

Love this mug.

I have received so many letters from women all over the world that have said they are encouraged by my book, Own Your Life. Yet, still, they want some more encouragement. And often I see women stuck in their tracks. I hope that on Thursdays or Fridays of the months ahead, I will be able to discuss some of these issues with you.

I will attempt to have a podcast with each lesson and give some of my own ideas, scripture, and applications. So you can listen to the podcast or read the blog or both! Whatever is good for you. But I will also be taking excerpts out of my book and out of my study guide. If you would like to make it practical to your own life, the Own Your Life Bible Study Guide has scripture, application questions and places to write down your ideas. But, hopefully those of you who want to read my blog will have an article or story and those of you who also listen to my podcasts will be able to listen to some of my perspectives about the chapter we discuss.

I am off to Dallas tomorrow morning early for the intensive training of 20 women from 11 countries, 8 languages. Because traveling and speaking, ministry trips, books and deadlines as well as blogs and podcasts are just a part of my life amidst my family, it automatically means everything and any new project takes me a long time to get going. But, the plans are to perfect this podcast arena, add bumper music, a photo of Kristen and I, and to maybe even have some new looks for my blog--but little by little, step by step. But, though I will not always have lots of time to comment or speak exactly to the issues, (I am traveling the next 3 weeks), I will try to have something up that will inspire or encourage you where you are. That is how we all make progress--baby steps one after the other! So thanks for your patience.

Many years ago, we lived in a home in Tennessee that was sitting on a hill with three gorgeous acres of land, planted with a variety of trees, fruit bushes, roses, and all sorts of other plants. However, the highlight of our year there was that the previous owners, who had built the home and cultivated the land for 15 years, had planted a couple of thousand daffodils all over the land. Our joy each spring was seeing an ocean of yellow everywhere we looked of the plants that would hail the beginning of spring--a new season, a season of growth, warmth after a long winter--and hope for the joy that would fill a new season. I think this memory is why Joy always loved to plant these lovely flowers.

Here is the story!

"We should plant daffodils!” Joy’s brown eyes were aglow and there was a dreamy excitement in her voice. With mugs of tea in hand, my youngest daughter and I were gazing out from the comfort of our living room on yet another thick March snowfall. Colorado winters can make one wonder if spring will ever come. That particular year we were beginning to wonder if we lived in C.S. Lewis’s literary land of Narnia, where it was “always winter but never Christmas.”

Daydreaming and planning our summer garden brought warmth to our gray day. Gardening in Colorado is an act of vision and intention. The good gardener must be able to envision the garden they desire, a difficult thing to imagine in the dead of winter! But if the gardener wants their little patch to bear fruit and be beautiful, she must have a plan.

The high altitude, clay soil, and unpredictable temperatures require a gardener to anticipate the needs of her garden with insight and care if she wants it to be fruitful. One must choose the right plants, fertilize the ground, and water each plant according to its need.

I believe our lives are much like gardening in Colorado—they require vision, planning, and faith.

It is no coincidence that the Bible speaks so often about life using the image or analogy of a garden or a field. Jesus taught the parable of the sower (Luke 8:4-15),

and Paul’s teaching reflected the same principle, “... for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap” (Galatians 6:7).

Just as with a garden, the legacy of our lives will be evidenced by what we sow, cultivate, and grow. And even by what we uproot and remove. In the realm of spiritual gardening, if you want your life to bear the marks of the kingdom of God, then you will need to tend it faithfully, and with faith.

We can choose not to tend to the garden of our life, but when a garden is not nurtured and cultivated, it can become fruitless and vulnerable. The legacy of your life will be evident through what you plan, plant, nurture, and tend. Gardens grown when they are cultivated. This Own Your Life Bible study guide and planner is intended to help you, as a faithful gardener, own your life—by reading and applying the Word of God in your heart, and by making a practical plan to live your life for God’s purposes.

Becoming a good gardener will involve three key components: vision, intentionality, and faith. If I want to see daffodils peak their cheerful heads out in April, I must preemptively plant bulbs in September. In the same way, if I want to live a life that leaves a legacy of God’s kingdom, I must be a visionary gardener, planting seeds that will become fruitful after years of faithfulness.

Just as there is a vast diversity of flowers, so each person’s vision for owning their life will be a little bit different, each involving different stories, strengths, challenges, relationships, and callings. Developing a vision for how you can own your own life involves praying and, evaluating your personality, your life puzzle (single or married, children, job, ministry, life circumstances), eternal goals and priorities, and then beginning to make a plan that is practical for your life.

Imagining with God what sort of legacy you could leave because of your commitments and decisions. Once you begin to have a vision for your life, you must develop a plan to sow, cultivate, and maintain seeds of righteousness.

As famous horticulturist L.H. Bailey wrote, “A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them.”

Thanks to my wonderful Joy, I was able to have this planner. She worked diligently with me all summer and came up with much of the content with me for this book. This first story is out of the introduction to the study guide. So today, think about what the "garden" of your life looks like. Are you subduing your land? Clearing the weeds and rocks of sin, selfishness, drainers, --those things that keep you from growing? Are you planning what you want to cultivate in your life--character qualities, habits, skills long term so that slowly your will begin reflecting the intentional plans you want your life, (garden), to reflect? Growing a beautiful garden or growing an excellent life takes time, but without a long term plan, nothing will be beautified. Make plans this week for what you want your life to become long term. Be practical with long range and short range goals. (What is one character quality in which you want to grow the next 6 months? or one in which your children need to grow? How will you follow a plan to build this? Little by little, make steps forward--not all at once.)

Remember, God's desire is that you flourish in your life, and see fruit growing in all the areas of your life where you are planting, nurturing and growing.  

For the podcast version and some personal comments from me, place your curser on the triangle below and press it to play.

Join us For our Second Podcast: Foundations for Flourishing

All of us women and mamas give out of our resources on a daily basis. We give love in relationships, we use our physical energy to serve others and to work, and we become emptier the more we give. So often as a mom plans a new school year, she considers the most important activities for herself and her children. She buys and collects books, resources for her classes. She plans meals, routines for keeping her house going, and she takes care of all the practical issues from grocery shopping to keeping the house relatively in order.

Often, though, women do not realize that the most important planning should be for the most important resource to insure a flourishing year for herself--she must plan how she will fill her own heart, soul, mind and strength as she is the most important factor in helping her family to flourish. If a woman is not filled, she will not be able to accomplish all of those great plans or build healthy relationships or mentor her children.

In our podcast today, we will explore how a woman can keep her heart and emotions strong and healthy. We will also pursue those greatest priorities to insure that her soul is full, her life delightful and her personal desires having a place to be fulfilled.

Hope you enjoy our newest podcast.

For those of you who want to subscribe, you can go to itunes and subscribe to At Home With Sally, where I hope to be putting more encouraging podcasts.

Kristen and I so appreciate it when you share about our new podcasts with your friends on facebook, twitter and in your own ways, as we would love to encourage moms who need a little boost of inspiration in their day. We so appreciate the many messages, emails and notes of encouragement you have sent. We hope we can get better at this medium of communication each time.

Be sure to look for us HERE on itunes.

Thanks so much for joining us.