What is the Ministry of Motherhood? What Really Matters?

I still remember the day years ago when sweet Sarah sat down for a heart to heart with me, tears in her eyes.  The discussion that followed would help me put words to what I believe is the ministry of motherhood--an idea I've written about in the book by that same name.

"Mom, I'm having such doubts in my Christian faith," she began. "So many of the believers I know seem passionless or mediocre, or they've compromised their faith by living immoral or immature lives. I would never believe in God if I had to depend on what I knew about him from many of the people we know!... And so many terrible things have been happening in the world; it's hard to make sense of it. And I want to live a life that's pleasing to Christ, but sometimes I just feel so different from my peers.... And sometimes I wonder if God is really there listening to my prayers at all. Does my life matter to anyone at all?"

I let her pour out her heart without judgment or criticism. Knowing her personal integrity, I was sure her thoughts and feelings came not from a rebellious heart but from an honest desire to find answers only God could give. When she had finished talking, I assured her that God was big enough to sustain her questions and doubts and that he would make himself known to her in his time. Her spirit slowly calmed down.

"You know, Mom, my doubts haven't really driven me away from God; they're driving me closer to him. I really want to have an authentic faith. I want to know the real God who created the stars and gave us the gift of beauty and music and great thoughts. I want a God who is real and worthy of my desire for greatness and purpose. I'm not looking for religion; I want a close and true relationship worthy of my whole life commitment! I want what you and Daddy have. I feel like I'm just beginning to understand what you have been teaching me for so many years."

I realized then, as I have realized before, what my daughter really needs from my husband and me in this fallen, mixed-up world. It's the same thing that all my four children need—and that your children need as well.

They don't need sweet platitudes of faith that will momentarily placate their emotions. They need the authentic strength that comes from the true foundation of a biblical world-view and a proper understanding of the real Christ who is worthy of their worship. They need an unwavering, internal moral and spiritual compass that will help them weather today's storms and tomorrow's and will guide them for the rest of their lives. They also need to see what real faith looks like when lived day in, day out, so they will have a pattern to follow.

The process of providing such gifts to my children is what I've come to think of as the ministry of motherhood. I believe it's central to the calling of anyone God has privileged to bring children into this world.

If you are a mother, it's your ministry too.

The Ministry of Motherhood, which focuses on the ministry of Christ to his disciples and how we can learn from that model, is available on Amazon!

A Little Bit of This and That, A Momheart podcast

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."

Anne of Green Gables

I am loving long walks, golden and red leaves intertwined on my pathways, the sunny days with cool air and the joy of sharing this at home with my sweet Joy and Clay.

Joy and I are reading an Elizabeth Goudge book out-loud.

Long conversations pondering life and what matters have filled my week with my two boys.

Sitting on my deck with Clay and Joy sipping tea and eating warm almond bear-claws.

Sitting with a dear friend in my rocking chairs while catching up on life.

Skyping with Sarah and seeing the insides of her English apartment and treasuring our time to catch up.

Teaching my monthly Bible study and getting to know new women and sharing lives together.

Praying for my children.

Playing music and sitting in flickering candlelight early mornings while reading and pondering Nehemiah and wanting to learn how to more worthily worship God each day.

Walking miles and miles each week through the downtown streets with lovely Victorian homes.

Chatting with Clay every day about life, dreams, ministry, the future.

Making citrus salmon, roasted potatoes and a light greens salad.

These are some of the things filling my days.

What about you? Hope you enjoy our podcast this week. Kristen and I have so much fun but we seem to fly from one subject to another. Thanks for the amazing comments and letters we have gotten to encourage us to keep going. We love hearing from you.

Working on getting the image just right. Kristen and I are both idealistic--not technical! :)

Place Yourself in the Company of Excellent People and Become More Excellent

As I prepare to launch a new book that is really the story of the Clarkson home and family history, (coming out February 2) and also launching our last Mom Heart Conferences, I have been pondering how satisfying it has been to my soul to see God do way more than we could ever ask or think. To seek His heart and then to foray into His work for our family has been a lifelong work that has carried us so many places we could never have imagined.

When we began the mom's conferences 20 years ago, by faith renting a hotel, and putting together messages, writing out our passion, taking a risk that others wanted to hear it, we could not have known what God would do. He took our best offerings, our fish and loaves, and made them more than we could ever believe. All He needed was our willing heart.

Now, almost 40,000 women have attended conferences, and we have seen about 2 generations of moms encouraged and inspired. So now, of course, Clay and I are pondering what should follow this. (Stay tuned, we may have another kind of conference we are pondering for the next 10 years, something much simpler that we could take more places and do more easily. No we are not totally ready to call it a day.) 

So this year, at our conferences, we will be remembering all that God has done, hearing from women all over the world whose lives and legacy has been changed by understanding the Biblical design of motherhood, and whose children have been shaped for God and His kingdom by capturing this message for their children in their home. We want to inspire women to think  of how God will use their own story to change the world.

Our children will be there to share what most impacted them from our home years, what influenced them to want to love and serve God, and their favorite traditions. Women from around the world, who have attended conferences and raised their families will be sharing stories, wisdom and insight about what matters the most in raising a godly legacy. Music and the hundreds of offerings of children's books, a great formal lunch and a few more surprises make this year the best! 

But the conferences are filling up quickly, so be sure to register soon and reserve your hotel room so you can join us for this amazing last year. Register HERE for the conference and for those who want to come to the morning Possibilitea, register HERE. (Please help us reach women in your area by sharing this in your networks.) 

Now for the rest of the story! :)

Sheldonian Library, Oxford

(The library where my girls studied!)

Just about a year ago, I visited my girls, who were both studying in Oxford. But what I was thinking about as I decided to write about legacy for this Monday, is the value of intentionally putting ourselves in places where wise women and men can draw us to our best. Let me know what you think about this article. I love hearing from all of you.

Ah, to walk the ancient streets of Oxford for a week inspired me just about a year ago. I had one free airline ticket and a half week of free hotels and meals, so I grabbed the opportunity to come see two of my favorite people! (Sarah and Joy)

I wondered if the pressure would be too much for my girls--20 2000 word papers in 3 1/2 months--approximately. So much of what we had done was idealistic mixed with chores, ear infections, fusses, and somehow I never felt like I was preparing my children enough.

Positive Peer Pressure

One of the thoughts that has struck a chord in my heart, through every meeting and lots of conversations with Sarah and Joy and their friends, is that they love being here because they are being stretched in such excellent ways. They all feel that they are becoming more of what they were designed to be by having others challenge them to work harder, use mental muscles, to grow beyond where they have been.

When one is in the company of others who challenge them to become their best, there is a sense of honor and gratification that comes from straining towards the positive expectation that people have communicated they can live into. Because the teachers expect the papers to be turned in, the standard is clear writing and an ability to defend their ideas, both girls are working all the time, but instead of finding it a negative experience, they both love the environment. The conversations we shared assured me that their brains are fairly bursting with ideas, understanding and convictions.

I could actually, almost, see their brains growing. It made me wish that I had been so challenged in my own life and it created in me a new hunger to learn and grow in knowledge! The spirit of enthusiasm was almost contagious.

"Mama, it is doing a paper that seems impossible and getting positive feedback that makes me keep going--the integrity to do the work independently out of my own integrity and then seeing that I am capable of so much more than I thought. "

I could actually, almost, see their brains growing.

They actually like being stretched to the hilt and coming out sharpened by the company they are keeping. Most all of the people are here because they want to be excellent in their field and the stakes are high. It is a miraculous privilege that God worked out in an amazing way for them to be here. But the exposure to great thoughts and capable people challenges them to live into their own potential.

"He who walks with the wise will be wise."

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

This has caused me to think about how this applies to our own lives as women. I will be writing about virtue, how to acquire it, how to practice it, envision it, in the weeks ahead,

Because I have seen that the life vision of a woman determines the growth and character  of a women.

This whole aspect of becoming the person/woman God gave us the capacity to become, and to "grow into" is profound in its implications.

If we surround ourselves with others more excellent, whose lives may challenge our own and instruct us beyond our current levels of maturity and capacity, we will always grow and become more excellent, even as my girls are straining towards more excellence by being in the company of those better than themselves in writing and education. It gives them a goal to reach toward.

Don't conform to the world of mediocrity--God created you with such capacity to grow, to deepen, to show the excellencies of His design in and through your life.

This reminded me of a meeting I had this summer with a mentor/older, wiser woman who challenged me by her own life.

Antonio Mancini

"From almost the first few months of marriage, I knew that my life would be difficult. My husband didn't know how to love me and I was lonely most of my life. People supposed that we had a vibrant marriage, but he could never show affection, romance or kindness. But that was the place, this impossible place, where I knew God wanted me to flourish."

Leaves were swirling off the aspen trees as gentle winds caught their handles and purple clouds gathered outside the window. But inside, the crackling fire in the heart, candles lit and a pot of tea steaming, I felt safe, wrapped in a cloak of security and acceptance.

I had occasion to meet with an older missionary I had long admired and was so honored to share this hour together. But it wasn't just the atmosphere that comforted me deep within, it was her story. It is always easy to suppose that godliness is easier for some than it is for others, and I had supposed this about her.

My friend told me:

"I don't know why I am telling you this part of my story at this time, but somehow it may be useful to your own life. I was young and idealistic when I got married, and it did not take long to realize that my husband and I were very different. He has never been able to be romantic or affectionate or kind. His own background prohibited it. And so, others supposed that our missionary work was my greatest accomplishment--what they could observe on the outside. But my real story of spiritual work will be the faithfulness I chose to live out one day at a time when no one but God knew the work of faith that was going on in hidden places.

Most of my days were unnoticed, tedious, the same as yesterday and the day before.

The shaping of children's hearts without input, help or accountability often gave me a sense of insecurity, especially when I knew I had messed up with anger, impatience or despair."

"But it is what you practice, day after day, that builds your integrity, your character, your strength, your message--what you do when no one is looking.

And so this is the place I became spiritually strong. God gave me a testing ground for my soul--this place of being faithful, generous, loving even if I received nothing in return.

This place of difficulty became my greatest lifetime glory. Never underestimate the hidden, unseen acts of obedience."

My own life has been full of struggles of all sorts. Some I write about and some I keep private, to honor those personally involved in my life. Seems like many life issues were not naturally easy for me. And so understanding the deep struggles my friend endured, helped me to feel understood in my own life puzzle.

She had lived the mundane, the draining days, the fears that assail, the insecurities, just like I had in my life. The messages she spoke about were even more meaningful to me now.

Somehow, it is easy for us to think that if others are strong, or leaders in their field, that they naturally came by this godly courage. Yet, my friend's life reminded me that her excellence was built in a real, day by day life. Her messages came out of the experience of seeking God for wisdom amidst challenging, overwhelming circumstances. Her own excellence drove me, even at this stage of my life, to keep stretching and straining towards a more excellent life.

But what I have found over the years,  that the strongest and greatest people I have come to know  became godly because they mounted up over their challenges. But they were able to be strong because they had an understanding of basic Biblical virtues that held them fast, gave them a way forward, informed their decisions.

I know from my own life, it was those times I was tempted to give up, to run away, to be bitter, and yet chose to do the right thing, where the integrity of my own testimony and story was built. In my 60's, I constantly seek ways to grow, to excel, to love more and to live more intentionally for Jesus. My friend's story kept me wanting to move forward on that path.  Seeing that she faced her tests head on and made a place of beauty out of her faith, her fortitude and her personal commitment within the limitation of her story, gave me comfort and the impetus to keep going faithfully through my own life puzzles. This is what deeply encouraged me.

Our circumstances were different. The challenges in our lives were not exactly the same. But to know she had faced her deepest fears, darknesses, confessed her sin to God, strengthened the weak places in her life, faced her selfishness head on and found God's grace to live a flourishing story, is what  encouraged to continue to push through the puzzle of my own life.

A virtuous woman, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31

My friend was speaking about personal integrity--the character that serves one through life to lead them to practice loving, working hard, being loyal to family and the demanding tasks that involves, choosing to believe in God's goodness in the dark times, serving generously--all of these traits are what come from a life of virtuous living.

Virtue was a concept that captivated the imagination of spiritual leaders in the Victorian Era. A simple definition is moral excellence. Another ancient source that I found suggests that the root of virtue is really "Man Power" or "man strength."

A Need for Virtue

What is Christian virtue? So many lists, books, articles I have been reading reveal different aspects of a Christians look at virtue. However, I believe that since God created us to be like Him, to reflect the character of Christ, Christian virtue is becoming like Christ in our character, moral excellence, faith and obedience.

Virtue arises from the heart. Whatever we cherish there, we will become. Envisioning moral excellence, the specific attributes of Jesus' life that showed us the depth of His love and wisdom, then we shall become more excellent. If we desire to live nobly, with integrity, to be excellent, to love generously, to worship Christ truly, then we will desire to live this out in the moments of our lives, and this will be the grid from which we live and breathe.

However, virtue is more than just a heart attitude. Virtue is all of these attributes lived out in an obedient, disciplined life. It is the doing of noble things we have cherished in our heart. We have spiritual capacity, even as we have muscular capacity. Yet, muscles only become strong with use. And so it is with our virtue. It is a capacity that grows stronger, more mature with practice, daily, yearly over a lifetime.

And so the doing of the noble things we can conceive in our hearts is a reflection of how to acquire a virtuous life.

Ignorance and lack of Biblical education destroys spiritual potential.

Hosea 4: 6, teaches us, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge."

When the voices we listen to are relative to scripture, and compromising in nature, then we lose the vision of holiness- and become like the other compromising people surrounding us. Yet, seeking to find and surround ourselves with the strongest Christian women, seeking to practice holiness, wanting to grow in wisdom and knowledge is the knowledge that gives life instead of killing our soul. God is our instructor and wants to stretch us to the sacred life, one set aside for His purposes, a life consecrated that is fuller, better, more fulfilling, capturing eternal purposes.

And so, the same for our children. If we are merely living life with them as a chore to do, a duty to fulfill on a ho hum basis, then our lives will reflect our limited goals. But if we desire them to live into the potential God has placed in their lives, then we will have energy for the task and knowledge to understand how to stretch them in character and virtue which will also stretch ourselves.

People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray. Proverbs 10:17

I pray my girls will continue walking the pathways of discipline that they may grow fully into their potential.

I pray you, too, will find your challenges, a place of great blessing in the long view of your life, as you grow stronger each.

Controlling Your Chaos (Own Your Life Friday Ch. 2)

I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold ... the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another.

SHAUNA NIEQUIST (COLD TANGERINES)

I love, love, love autumn. And so I am sharing some of my home photos with you today--in no order, but just fun pics I have been taking around my house this fall.

The sunny but cool days with a carpet of leaves to crunch under my foot and the glory of reds, golds, yellows and orange singing from every tree fills me to the brim with happiness. I am taking time to enjoy and breathe in the beauty. Each day since I have been home, (even though my suitcase is not totally unpacked and my house not wholly straightened), I have sipped tea on my front porch in front of my aspens and paused to notice the beauty.

I am also Owning my Life this fall by saying no to some commitments. My daughter, Joy, is here for a few months and I am drinking in the pleasure of her being here again as often as I can. We two are kindred spirits, and spend our time together giggling, chattering and enjoying the same things. I am also in the midst of writing a new book or two, (that just came my way), even though my newest book has not yet been released. (And I will tell you about it soon--as it is one of my favorites!)

So, I may not be able to do as many podcasts as I might have if she was not home, (sorry! But Kristen and I have some already planned for you)

And I do not get to all of my correspondence. (just too much to do and too few hours, but I soooo love hearing from you. I just do not always get to answer back, as the day is over before I get to do all I want to do.)

But this year, I am seeking to breathe in peace, to be centered, to love well each day.

It means I cannot do everything or please every voice in my life, but I am happy to be living with a peaceful heart for choosing the commitments I think will be most important in the long run.  

Now, I am clearing moments in my days to enjoy her and taking time to write messages in new books that I think will last long after I am not writing any more. (Thanks to my publisher, Tyndale, who keeps wanting more.)

What about you? What are you saying "no" to? What are you saying yes to? How are you controlling the chaos, or the "too busy" days? I hope this article will encourage you, and I hope you will take time this weekend to figure out how you want to Own Your Fall and home this year, so you can breathe peace each and every day.

Today's article:

Controlling Your Chaos

Baking chocolate chip cookies for the first time is a rite of passage in our family. I can remember the first time I helped my youngest son crack eggs, melt butter, and measure out dry ingredients. His little chest puffed with pride as he busied around the kitchen.

At one point, I turned around to answer the phone, and in the space of five seconds I heard a click, a whir, a “poof!” and a distressed five-year-old yelp. I turned around to see the kitchen enveloped in a cloud of flour, and my little baker boy with a look of surprise and desperation written in his furrowed eyebrows.

You can imagine my quick response. I dashed over, turned off the mixer, wiped off the flour from his terror-white face, put the lid on and helped him use the mixer correctly.

The natural response to chaos should be to stop it, clean up the effects of chaos, assess and fix the problem, and carry on. However, I think that when we encounter chaos in life, we often do not respond this way.

(At sunset, looking out over my porch from my rocking chair.)

I so often hear women wanting to know how to “find peace in the chaos,” rather than taming the chaos itself.

Imagine if, upon discovering the whirling, open blender, I said to my son, “Now, let’s just try to create peace in this chaos.” If we approach the chaos of our lives this way, we will either try to ignore the reality of it at our own peril, or we will focus only on the chaos and become caught in a life of damage-control.

Rather, we need to respond to it realistically, managing it wisely and objectively. The goal is a rich and fruitful life of living for the kingdom despite the reality of chaos. To begin managing the chaos in our lives, we must learn to identify the sources of chaos, isolate the voices that keep us from owning our lives, and learn to build our lives on a good foundation. Sources of chaos can be different in every person’s life.

Perhaps you have difficulty drawing boundaries and saying “no,” and that creates a life of chaotic attempts to please everyone by responding to their requests and needs. Perhaps you are an uncontrolled spender who finds yourself under pressure because of the fruits of your lack of frugality.

Perhaps you are not blessed with the gift of organization and your stuff, records, closet, and life are out of control.

Perhaps your calendar controls you, rather than you controlling it.

Whatever your sources of chaos, they cannot be managed until you acknowledge their power and presence in your life.

Once you have pinpointed sources of chaos in your life, you can become proactive and strategic in finding ways to manage chaos. Perhaps, as in the case of my sweet boy and the mixer, this means you must “turn off” the source of chaos for a while to reassess your priorities.

Identifying and strategically handling the chaos in your life will enable you to be in control of the chaos rather than letting the chaos of your life control you. Sometimes it may be as simple as separating yourself from the source of chaos long enough to make a new plan.

Often the chaos around us is not caused by uncontrollable circumstances, but by the incessant and confusing voices that call us in a thousand different directions. With all of the voices of media, friends, family, and church, we can become paralyzed in our good intentions to own our lives. The sheer volume of voices telling us how we ought to live or who we ought to be can become a chaos in itself.

I have often said that in the absence of biblical convictions even good people will go the way of culture. To truly own your life, you must identify the voices and messages that you are allowing to let shape your thoughts and emotions, and influence your life.

Before we can own our lives, we must learn to let God and his Word be the voice we listen to most closely. Part of owning life is living life, and life is inevitably messy once in a while.

Many years I ago, I reconciled myself to the fact that life will always be full of storms, ear-infected children, and flat tires. However, I also learned that the ability to handle the unexpected waves of life boils down to having a solid foundation from which to engage with life. Jesus speaks about building our lives on the rock of His words (Matthew 7:24-27).

To own our lives then means that not only do we manage chaos, but we develop and live out of strong biblical foundations. To stay strong in the storms of life, we must have a life founded securely on the rock of biblical truth.

May you find a way to bring order to your life, getting rid of chaos, and enjoy these glorious days and this season of life.

Chapter 2 of Own Your Life speaks of what it takes to control the chaos. Thanks for all of you who have written lately to tell me how much this book helped you. Hope you are enjoying these reviews of the content. (For those who have asked me, the content in the book is different than the content of this blog.)

The Work of A Mama's Hands

Maybe your hands are weary today as you pat heads, fold clothes, stir soup, and scrub dishes.  But the work your hands are doing is priceless work, work your children will remember.  Sharing from The Mission of Motherhood today. I hope it's an encouragement to you!

As I look back to the memories of my childhood, a strong image that comes to my mind is that of my mother's loving hands. I thought they were the most beautiful in the world.

In many ways, I still feel that way.
  Because I had been a premature baby, I was often sick with a variety of respiratory illnesses, including chronic asthma and occasional bouts with pneumonia. My memories of these illnesses, however, are mostly pleasant, because my mother would gently stroke my brow as she talked softly or told me stories and gave me her full attention. I remember feeling very loved from such focused attention.

At other times, when I fidgeted in church services, I remember my mother's hands massaging my own, pulling and squeezing each of my fingers as she quietly played finger games with me. As a young child, sitting next to her in a big overstuffed chair, I would watch her hands as she read to me from an oversized children's book. Her fingers would point to the enticing, heart-delighting pictures and turn the pages of the large volumes as we leisurely sat together and talked and read.

And during the period when I was having a recurring nightmare—one I still remember!—I especially remember the comfort of my mother's hands when she came to my bedside. She would take my hand in hers as she knelt to pray with me, soothing away my fears and comforting me as she entreated God to take all of my bad thoughts away.

Now, many, many years removed from my mother and a thousand miles away, these memories of my mother's hands are still strong in my heart.  Those hands are now old and wrinkled and aching with arthritis, yet still, as an adult, I often wish she were with me to stroke my brow in the midst of illness and exhaustion, to massage away the frustration and boredom of tedious days, to open windows to the world while reading to me in a big old chair, and to take my hand in prayer and cast away all the fears of my life. The touch of a mother's hand and the power of a mother's love indeed has carried me through many moments of my life.

As I look to the needs of children of today, I am convinced they need the same things from their mothers that I needed—and received—from mine. They need not only the gentle touch of a mother's hands, but her focus and her attention on a daily basis. They need a champion and a cheerleader, someone who has the time and energy to give encouragement along life's way and comfort in dark times. They need a directive voice to show them how to live.

These needs are not frivolous demands. They're part of the way God designed children. And meeting those needs is not an option or a sideline for mothers, but part of his design as well.

Now, my mama has passed away. When I wrote this 12 years ago, I was in the midst of remembering the difference her touch and soothing affection made in my life. How I wish for just an hour when I would have her eyes looking at me with love, her hands squeezing and massaging my own, and her voice of approval and affection. Just one more time with my mama.

But the memories still carry me now, knowing that she had to make choices to give me these memories--choices to "see" me when she could have been distracted or busy with her demanding life. Today, I am going to reach out to all of my own adult children because I want them to have one more moment and touch of my mama love.

I hope this story was an encouragement to you--and that you enjoyed this peek into The Mission of Motherhood .

If you'd like to read more, you may purchase a copy at the link!

Because I said so....The Role of Honor in Character Development

Alwin Arnegger

"Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul."

Proverbs 29:17

Idealistic artists chattering, drinking coffee, discussing every kind of art including great music, writing, drawing, sculpting filled the oxygen of my creative mind with much food for thought this weekend. Every year, for the past few, we have had the privilege of attending Hutchmoot, in Nashville. Always a pleasure to meet new kindred spirits as well as old friends. Great to breathe in the air of creative types.

Clay and I were asked to speak about creating The Imaginal Home: Creating  an Atmosphere to Cultivate Creativity. What a great time we had interacting with so many about this issue.

Though we covered many topics very quickly in the short amount of time we had for our seminar, one of the thoughts that came to my mind, after talking to a number of parents,  is how important components of character are in cultivating children to develop their talent.

We all have conversations, don't we,  that begin in one area and then lead to another which then takes a rabbit trail to another? So my conversations this weekend started with cultivating creative children and ended up on a whole different subject--we started out speaking about raising children who cultivate imagination and develop artistic talents and skills and we ended on the importance of character and honor to the process of becoming excellent in any field--especially in the realm of Christian artistry.

So, it this blog seems a little rabbit-traily--it is because it is so!

The Role of Teaching Your Children to Follow your Instruction

Of course in our session this weekend, we covered many traditions, values, books, lessons, tools that we used in our home to raise 4 children who are vested professionally in the arts. But one of the most important starting points--in training children in any discipline, is teaching them to submit to instruction.

Often mamas say to me, "My child just doesn't want to do what I tell them to do." 

"My children resist me and I can't make them do anything they don't want to do."

Of course children resist the instruction of parents--they are children and they have their own little wills that must be gently trained and confronted, over and over again. Just because we don't see results of training children every day, all the time, does not mean that your children are not learning and growing. Training a child to have godly character takes lots of time.

But it will be very difficult to teach our children any skill or discipline until they have learned to follow our instruction. They must practice obeying so they will be used to honoring us and responding to our teaching. The finest artists, writers, sculptors, are those who are disciplined and have learned to work hard. We all have dreams or ideas of something we wish we could accomplish or do in life. Yet, the challenging work of becoming an effective artist, or an accomplished person in any work,  is directly related to the character and integrity one possesses.

So often we hear grace-based discipline thrown around and written about as a philosophy of child discipline. Many would say our book, Heart-felt Discipline is a grace-based book.

However, I think there is some confusion in thinking that "grace-based" means lenient or non-discipline for a child. Scripture teaches that all children and adults need instruction, training, correction, admonishment, leadership! As with adults, so with children.

We must learn to say no to our children again and again--just because we said so......We are their parents, we are the adults, we are (hopefully the wise ones) who are to lead them into paths of righteousness.

God, as a father, also says no to us, often! He is concerned that we learn to listen to His will, to obey His instruction. Only as we bow our knees to His will, will we be able to live into our capacity for work, spiritual strength, accomplishment.

One of the first principles our children were to learn in our home was to obey Clay and me. All children balk, because like us, they are selfish at heart and need to move from self-absorption to self-control, from immature self-serving ways to mature, servanthood ways of life. That means they will have to learn the meaning of the word "no" and that training to maturity will be a long process.

Over and over again, "No, not this, THIS."

And sometimes as parents of teachers or mentors in ministry, we forget that learning is a long process of repetition. But excellence demands that we move forward in the journey from immaturity to maturity, from uneducated to educated, little by little.

How in the world does this relate to cultivating creative children?

Probably the most important wisdom I wanted our children to understand was that God was holy, righteous, just, perfect--above all of us in every aspect of His being. I wanted them to learn to honor God, to bow their knee before Him in every decision, every value, every action in life. In short, I wanted them to understand what it meant to worship God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength was to have a heart that was willing to obey God's desires and commandments.

But this kind of worship begins with a heart that understands submission and obedience to us, the parents they could see and understand.

And so, our children were taught to understand that they were to honor us in their hearts by learning to respect us in their obedience. If they learned the pattern of obeying Clay and me, if they learned to respect us, then they would have a heart that was ready to submit to God and to honor Him in their thoughts, actions and values as adults.

They learn to submit to us and to honor us so that they could learn to bow their knees to the living God. The ability to learn, to take instruction, to be humble enough to respond to admonition is a foundational requirement to becoming skillful in life.

Sometimes this meant we had to take hours to get to the bottom of what was going on. We taught our children to talk to us, to learn to articulate what was going on in their hearts. Securing obedience is not a power play of authoritarian force. Securing obedience is an issue of learning to get to the heart of children, learning to listen to them, learning to teach them truths little by little. Sometimes our children need a good sleep from being exhausted, not a lecture about how to obey. Sometimes a confused teenager needed something delicious that was warm to drink, understanding what was going on in their teen heart.  Teaching honor meant we honored our children by the ways we spoke to them, treated them. Teaching obedience is a long process of a gracious loving parent gently leading their children to a submissive heart, but requiring obedience and honor as a way of life.

Sometimes in the early years, the pattern of obedience needed to be learned without lots of discussion. "Mama wants you to do this or that, and you pick them up in your arms and help them do the task that was requested. But it is a pattern of instruction that deeply leaves a pattern of submission out of a heart that wants to honor, because they have been served and loved.

All children who have been trained to humility, obedience and honor have teachable hearts and can more easily take instruction. Children who are humble and obedient learn to receive instruction. They learn self-discipline as they practice honor and obedience which leads them to a life of practicing developing the muscle of self-discipline. It is all a process of laying foundations of character that lead to a life that will be disciplined to work hard, to take instruction and to have humility--all of which can prepare them to follow this process in becoming skillful at any type of work or art.

One of the basics of raising creative children is raising children who have learned to listen, to obey, to follow directions, to practice what they have learned, to work hard.

But the beginning of all of these aspects of becoming excellent at any aspect of artistry, starts with a heart that is familiar with respecting those who would instruct him.

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the LORD your God gives you."

Deut. 5:16

Honor is the attitude of the heart that we seek to cultivate in ourselves as well as our children. Honor in the heart leads to submission in behavior. Our children were taught to respect us--period! They learned to obey us because we were their parents. Period. If they learned not to question our instruction, then they would learn not to question God's requirements and instruction to them. It is a process of growth over time. Parents get to model God and His ways to teach their children to learn first hand, in their every day moments of life, how to walk with God by the ways they have learned to relate to each other and their parents in their homes.

  In our home, we always came to child discipline knowing that the goal of our instruction was to teach and train our children to obey us, to obey God, to submit to instruction so that they could grow and become strong inside, and live into their God-given potential.  As Proverbs says, Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul."

Last weekend, when I was with our boys in New York City, they indeed brought delight to my soul. They spoke of the Lord, of ideas they are pondering, books they read, thoughts that inspired them, and they giggled with me over stories of life--they were such a delight to my soul. We have mutual respect, and have cultivated the deepest of friendships--that started with learning to honor each other, by learning to honor Clay and me. This kind of soul that was alive with light, truth, ideas, goodness came from a life-time of being trained and learning to respond to wisdom and instruction.

Serving our children, loving them, investing lots of personal time, considering their age and personality were all a part of our very close, personal relationship with them. We considered them personally when we gave instruction and sought to understand their hearts every day, all the time. But, always, we sought to build our relationship on a foundation of honor, teaching them to honor us, because that is what God requires.

And when a child learns to listen and obey, they learn to rule over their spirits, to practice honoring others by the ways they speak, the ways they behave and the ways they relate to others.

Giving them these tools prepared them to succeed in adult relationships, in work and in life.

By learning to honor us, our children learned to honor other adults, teachers, trainers, and to be able to submit to instruction--and eventually, after many years of practice--to honor each other.

Honor lead them to learn how to work with people, to work with others in business, to lead others in classes they taught, to influence others and to become good friends and partners.

I know this is a long, stream of consciousness article, but I do hope there is some value to what I have written. Not enough time for editing tonight! Still traveling and not enough time.

So I am off with my sweet friends tonight in Nashville for a bonfire with Clay, but wanted to share a few thoughts that were mulling in my head. We shall return to podcasts soon--but I have to be home to do that.

Grace and peace to your days and to your week.

Own Your Life Fridays: Owning Your Life Puzzle Today For a Legacy of Faith Tomorrow

Traveling the last couple of months has given me so many opportunities to visit sweet ones and hear about the stories of their lives. Those who live by faith, trust God to bring light in the current circumstances of their lives, seek to "Love Him with all of their might," by being faithful right where they are, are those who have hope that today matters. 

Faith sees each day as a place to bring God's reality, love and light into each day. However, often, in the past weeks, I have also talked with sweet ones who blame others or circumstances for their current difficulties, and these mamas live in places that bring darkness to their souls. 

I have found that when I sow light, I reap light. When I sow darkness, doubt and anger, I reap the discouragement of that investment. All of us have times of great discouragement and difficulty in this world of ours. But when we understand that God wants to redeem our days, our family, our marriage story, our mistakes and move one day at a time toward pleasing Him by walking by faith, we begin to see that He is with us, His presence is gently, slowly leading us, and we do begin to see redemption and grace through the story of our lives. 

Today, I am still on the road, this time with my wonderful Clay at a conference we attend each year, amidst friends and creative types.

But I have you on my mind. Praying for each of you that you will pray about what it means to Own your life by seeking to find God's reality in this day, this season, in this difficulty. May He give you grace and you seek Him in Owning Your Life by seeking to serve Him amidst the moments of your life today--without excuses, without doubt--moving ahead by the belief that He cares and that He rewards those who seek Him. Grace to you today.

One Wednesday as I was driving to physical therapy for my thrown-out back, I was already acutely aware of life’s ambivalence for my plans and expectations. I had scrambled around the house looking in vain for my purse, and finally just got in the car without it, excited to steal a quick breakfast with Joy before my appointment.

But the inconvenience didn’t end there!

Somehow, on our way to a cafe in Denver, we had been to many times before, we got lost in the labyrinth of downtown Denver crossroads. As I was turning down another wrong road, Joy was calling the theater where I thought I might have left my purse. No purse. Late for my physical therapy appointment if we stopped for breakfast. And then a traffic jam where we were at a standstill. My frustration made me want to throw my hands in the air with a dramatic, “This morning is wasted!”

But I knew it wouldn’t help, so I took a deep breath and we pressed on.

So often it can feel like weeks, months, and years of life can become an endless comedy of errors, rife with work, ear infections, bills, diapers, and a hundred other setbacks. And yet, when we focus on the chaos around us, we can forget to see the beauty and purpose God has for us in each stage of life.

There was a time in my life when my days were consumed in an endless cycle of mamawith-little-ones duties. It would’ve been easy for me to think during that season that my life wasn’t very important, and certainly didn’t rise to the level of radical Christian living.

I love the poster above that a friend made for me. One of my favorite quotes often attributed to different people, (Eleanor Roosevelt and a Chinese proverb), is

"It is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness."

The wonderful grace and glory of a woman who walks with God by faith, is that she brings light into her darkness, and hope into the dark clouds of despair, and love into conflict. As those filled with the very spirit of Jesus, we have the ability to bring His redeeming life into every moment. It is our worship of Him to trust Him to live through us with His reality each day.

It was in those hidden years that God was building and strengthening a foundation of love, faithfulness, and fruitfulness. The books I read to my little ones planted seeds of courage and heroism in their hearts. The everyday, seemingly unromantic investments I made in my marriage became a rare story of a faithful partnership.

It is the unseen actions of obedience that shapes the story we will tell.

We all have landmark moments in our lives where God’s will is clear; the real work— and the real reward—is having eyes to see God’s work in all the normal days.

My challenge in that time was to look for God’s fingerprints in my life.

I began to realize that God’s purpose for me would not begin in five, ten, or twenty years. His purpose had already begun in my life and it took the form of the children, the husband, the community, and the work I had in front of me each day.

Instead of looking ahead for some unrealized hope for fulfillment, I began to see each mundane moment as a potential altar of worship before the Lord of the universe. Every meal I cooked, every neighbor that came for tea, every skinned knee I kissed—each was a brick in the foundation of the legacy I wanted to leave.

To begin to see beauty and purpose in your ordinary days begins with a heart that wants to engage with God. If you don’t trust that God is working, then your response to difficulties is despair or a choice to accept hopelessness, to live in meaningless existentialism.

This story is an excerpt from Own Your Life Bible Study and planner. There is a Bible study and application questions you will find in the study guide to help you plan your own unique life.

Have a wonderful weekend. I am praying for you.

A Mama's Walk With God

A Few Thoughts to ponder from The Mom Walk

Each of us has a long road we must walk as a mother. The road is extensive and fraught with adventure, joy, obstacles, dangers, and distractions. How we walk the journey, though, will determine our success as mothers.

As I contemplated what this meant to me, I realized the signifi- cance of this whole concept of "walking" with God as a mom. No one will have exactly the same walk or journey. Our personality, skills, background, husband, financial status, theological underpinnings, children, health, place of birth and residence, relationships, stresses, and so on will be different than any other mom's. We will each have a unique, individual path to walk. Yet, how comforting it is to know that God has known all the details of our path and our days from before we were born (Psalm 139).

The older I get, the more I have realized that only God sees all the details of my life. Only God has access to the heart and soul of my children. Only God knows and understands the stresses I bear uniquely from my own road of life. Only God has been there in the early hours of the morning, when all is still dark, to know, hear, and understand the struggles and problems of my heart that I have poured out to Him. Only God understands the myriads of feelings I have sifted through in my heart.

I concluded, then, that the success of a mom's walk through her years of motherhood is largely dependent on her walk with God. If she learns to love Him and trust Him and listen to His voice through prayer and Scripture, then she will walk on a road that leads to success in God's eyes. It is not about how much we can control our lives and the lives of our children or how well we can live up to standards our culture has imposed on us. It is not a matter of doing all the right things.

It is all about how well we learn to walk this journey with God, how well we provide a godly pattern for our children to follow and teach them how to walk their own paths with God. It is by living in the presence of God and resting in His will and walking in His power and being a part of what He is doing in and through our lives. In other words, the Mom Walk consists of committing to walk with Him as our guide, with His wisdom and perspective, and with Him to protect us and strengthen us. It is God's will for us to get to the finish line of our mothering journey without being used up, dried out, spent, or depressed. By following His design, we can finish our walks well. He designed us to walk this road with Him.

~ Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

The Secret of Homeschooling with Life, Grace and Excellence Part 1

Such a fun weekend with my two boys--I was so sad to leave. They are best friends and great companions.

Talking, discussing ideas, sharing thoughts about God, what we have been reading--just bubbling over each other with chatter and sharing of ourselves with each other is the "Clarkson" way. Always lots and lots of words spilling between us. But my mama heart loves seeing who my adult children have become. They are most interesting and inspiring to be around for me as an adult--and they call me to my highest ideals.

Often, when people get to know my adult children, they ask me, "What did you do in your home? What curriculum did you use? Why are all of your children writers? Why do they still love God?"

I believe that all homes are designed to be a sanctuary of all that is sacred and all that is excellent and true. Discipleship, (mentoring our children or others to love Christ and to live for His kingdom) is at the heart of our home. Shaping it into a place where all that is good, true and beautiful can be cultivated in hearts, minds and souls. As mothers, artists of all that is excellent and true in the world, we get to design our homes and cultivate them into a place that fills the souls of our children with wisdom, truth, and the skill of living. What we invest into them is what will come out of them.

But now, with the proliferation of curriculums, things to buy, activities to be involved in, mamas overload themselves with pressure to perform, schedules that are overfull and impossible tasks to accomplish. No wonder women burn out and become exhausted, angry and disillusioned. And so much of what they buy into is exhausting their lives and un-useful and demotivating to their children and to them.

Homeschooling really is a heart issue--capturing their hearts with vision, truth, story, imagination of what they can become in their lifetimes and lots of great resources stored inside.

No doubt about it, homeschooling is a long, arduous journey that requires many years. But God intended home and family to be a place of great blessing and joy. Homeschooling should be organic, an extension of home life.

Today, Kristen and I begin to discuss some of what that looks like for us. Hope you enjoy our podcast. We are learning a lot and are hopefully both going to have balanced microphones for the next sessions! Little by little.

Mom Heart Registration is Open! Hope you can come for our last year!

A Personal Letter from Sally

Dear Sweet Friends,

I hope you will be able to join me and my friends for a Mom Heart Conference this year. Every year is special, but this one will happen in a perfect storm of three converging realities—(1) the release of my newest book, The Lifegiving Home; (2) the celebration of 20 years of conference ministry to mothers; and (3) the official final year of our conference ministry. Yes, I know. I’ll get to that third reality in a moment, but first let me share with you about the first two.

As a woman made in God’s image, I have always believed I have a special role by God’s design to be a lifegiver. Like Eve, whose name means “Life,” I believe I am divinely designed with both a biological capability and a spiritual capacity for giving life—I bring life into this world by child-bearing, and I bring life into my world by home-building. I believe that every woman of God can tap into those parts of her nature. This year, I want to encourage moms to become confident, convinced, and capable lifegivers at home.

My new book, The Lifegiving Home, has been percolating in my spirit and in Sarah's for many years. I am grateful Tyndale gave us the opportunity to get out of us and into a book that has been in my heart for so long. It’s a history of the Clarkson home, the ways we lived life, celebrated Christ and His incarnation into all the corners and moments of our lives and a definition of what home was created to be. Join us also, in our journey through the twelve months of a year exploring the ways that I have tried to bring God’s life, and the life of Christ, into our home for over thirty years as well as seeing it from Sarah's eyes and memories as a child. It’s how that lifegiving home is an integral part of my mission and ministry of motherhood, and even my walk with God as a mother. And as the subtitle of the book so perfectly captures, I want to help you become God’s lifegiver by “creating a place of belonging and becoming” in your lifegiving home.

In many ways, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the twenty years of this conference ministry. It’s all been about becoming a woman and mother after God’s heart, the one He designed you to be and put in your heart to be. That simple, biblical message began in a small church in Texas in 1996 for about 120 women. In 1998 it moved to a hotel as the WholeHearted Mother Conference and then expanded to other states. In 2006 we took a year off, but came back again in 2007 as what would become the Mom Heart Conference. And here we are another decade later. I am grateful for this ministry that God placed into my heart and hands, and this year we’ll take some time to celebrate the twenty (20!) years of mom conference ministry we’ve been able to enjoy.

But then there’s that third reality. The “final year” thing. When Clay and I started Whole Heart Ministries in 1994, having a hotel “conference ministry” was not on our spiritual radar. We just wanted to write books and speak, but things change—God had other plans, so conferences happened, and we’ve been faithful to do this conference ministry for twenty years. But now it’s time for another change—our children are all grown and gone now, volunteer families have aged, hotel costs are going up, winter weather is more uncertain, and Clay and I are slowing down. We feel it is time to switch gears so we can find a good cruising speed for the next decade. We’re not going away as a ministry, and there will likely still be some smaller speaking events along the way, but twenty years seems like a good time to say, “That’s a wrap.” It will be a quiet ending with no big fanfare, and we’ll appreciate whoever is there with us to mark the memory.

My heart will beat with a passion to give Christian mothers hope and help for their strategic role in God’s plan for as long as God allows me to minister. My mind is alive with vision for how to reach and help more mothers—the Internet, small groups worldwide, Spanish language materials, new books, and more. I hope you will join me this year as we reach out together to take hold of all God has for us as lifegiving mothers. That’s what I’m here for. That’s what we’re all here for. Join me.

In his heart,

Sally Clarkson

To Register, go HERE

Registration officially opens at noon tomorrow. :)

Be sure to tell your friends about it and tell them to register early as we expect this year's conferences to sell out quickly.

We have lots of great speakers and fun surprises for our conferences this year. I am so excited. We shall have a grand time together and change our worlds together!