Friendship: The Invisible Force that Keeps us Pursuing Ideals

"Two are better than one. Woe to the one who has no one to pick him up. A chord of three strands is not easily broken."

We were made for friendship, companionship, love, encouragement. We were not made to walk this pathway of life alone. Yet, we are living in an isolationist culture where we try to squeeze love from a machine by seeking friends on the internet--and we do find some sort of companionship there. But God designed us for a friend who can see the tear in our eyes, who can gently hold our hand and pray for us, who can sip a cup of coffee with us face to face as we share our stories.

When I imagined mom conferences, I imagined friendships like the photo above. It is taken just before we celebrated our Mom Heart conference in Dallas last year. Each of these is precious to me. Clay and I have 19 years of memories with such precious ones all over the United States.

This year is our 20 year and final year of the official Mom Heart Conference. We are filling up quickly and almost closed in one of our cities. I hope many of you will consider joining us for a celebration of Home, a meeting of friends and kindred spirits. We welcome you into our midst.

Here are the dates and places:

DENVER, Colorado – January 29-30 at the Denver Marriott Tech Center

IRVINE/OC, California – February 12-13 at the Irvine Marriott

IRVING/DFW, Texas – February 26-27 at the Dallas Marriott Las Colinas

Here is the official scoop:

CELEBRATING 20 YEARS OF MINISTRY TO MOMS! 

Our first official event for mothers was a WholeHearted Mother Workshop for our small church in Fort Worth, Texas in spring of 1996. We're declaring 2016 the official 20th anniversary of Mom Heart Ministry. (cue: cheers!) But 2016 will also be the official final season of this event. (cue: tears) If you want to help us celebrate 20 wonderful years of this conference, don't wait to register (really, don't wait). We expect more to register for this final year of conferences, but hotel space is limited so sell-outs are possible, especially in CA and TX. Avoid the dreaded WLAS (Wait List Anxiety Syndrome)! Click here to register now.

Some of the dear friends who have helped me reach thousands of women through conferences, books and intensives. Friends who have held my hand through all the years!

And, just a little note from me. Clay and I are so very thankful for all of you who have helped keep this ministry going for so many years through your financial support. If God puts us on your heart at this time to help us expand our reach through new resources, new online outreaches, international trainings, more media messages and intensive trainings for leaders in our home, we would so appreciate your support.

We could never have imagined God would have blessed us so much and taken our messages so far into the world in our generation. It is because of so many wonderful friends who have partnered with us along the way. We could never have fulfilled the goals of this ministry without amazing, wonderful friends like you.

Thanks so much.

God's love and grace to each of you today.

Sally

Donate HERE

If you are interested in knowing more about our ministry, you can read the letter below.

After 21 Years, Whole Heart Still Has a Story to Tell Dear Friends and Whole Heart Partners, The unfolding story of Whole Heart Ministries has been, so far, twenty-one incredible chapters of character development, narrative intrigue, and unexpected plotlines. It’s been a long story, but we’re not ready to write the final chapter. Not yet. Chapter 22, still to be written in 2016, includes a major plot twist that will turn the story in a new direction. And we hope you will continue to be a part of our story. Here’s the twist: After twenty wonderful years of hotel conference ministries to mothers we’re saying, “The End!” The 2016 conferences will be the final year of the Mom Heart Conference. But note: It won’t be the final year of Sally speaking to moms. Future events will be smaller and more personal, and more will be online, but Sally is not going away. We’re just slowing down now so we can focus on the heart of the Whole Heart story—writing, publishing, personal discipleship, and ministry training. Since the beginning of the Whole Heart story in 1994, God has allowed us to encourage and equip countless Christian parents through workshops, book catalogs, hotel conferences, print books, ebooks, international ministry, online ministries, training Intensives, ministry to moms, and more. If it all stopped here, we’d be thankful for our story. But we believe there is still more story to be told.The Continuing Story of Whole Heart The heart of our ministry has always been simply to help Christian parents—to encourage and equip them to raise children who will serve God “with a whole heart and a willing mind” (1 Chr 28:9). In a time of seismic cultural change, we want to help families find their place in the grand story of God’s faithfulness to His people. If that is your heart, then we hope you will help us help parents. Parents write us all the time to tell us their stories. It doesn’t matter if they are here in America or in another land with another language, the language of their parent hearts is always the same: [Your books] totally changed the mother I am and the way we have decided to parent and disciple our son. We are SO thankful to the LORD for your ministry!  ~ a mother in California As the days toil on life frequently becomes rote and lacking in spirit; but reading Heartfelt Discipline I am refreshed and newly motivated to ensure I am in the Lord’s will. ~ a father in Idaho “I long to be a mother who builds my children up in the Lord. I purchased Ministry and Mission of Motherhood which I am forever re-reading and have lent to many friends.”  ~ a mother in Australia Christian parents are our mission field. We are missionaries to the Christian home. Sally’s books have been translated into numerous foreign languages, and our books and ministry reach families all around the world. Mothers are hungry for biblical perspective from a seasoned Titus 2 older woman. Fathers want sound, biblical insight for building a Christian home and raising godly children. Parents want the life of Christ in their family. This is the story God has entrusted to us to write and to tell. Turning a New Page to a New Chapter of Whole Heart Like the Apostle Paul, we too “press on toward the goal” (Phi 3:14) of fulfilling Christ’s call on our lives to strengthen families. We want to invest in ministry choices that will last, and that will enable us to last. We want to do what is strategic, not just what is comfortable. We want to leave a story worth reading. And we want to invite you to join us in writing it. Here’s where our story is headed in 2016: WHOLE HEART PRESS: We started Whole Heart Ministries with the vision of writing and publishing books to help Christian parents. That “ministry in print” will always be at the core of the Whole Heart mission as we write and publish new books for moms, dads, kids, families, and small groups. SALLYCLARKSON.COM: Sally’s personal blog reaches tens of thousands of Christian women and mothers every day with biblical encouragement and inspiration. As a bestselling author, she is a trusted and respected voice for the traditional vision and values of motherhood, home, and family. THE LIFEGIVING HOME: Sally’s newest book with Tyndale Momentum, The Lifegiving Home – Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming (Feb 2), is a portrait of how she built and beautified her own home and influenced her children. It will become a regular theme of Sally’s messages in 2016. AT HOME WITH SALLY: This spring, we hope to launch a new “At Home with Sally” subscription site filled with twenty years of Sally’s audio and video messages, and including exclusive access to new webinars and other online events by Sally. Join early and save. (Target launch date: Mother’s Day.) FAITH-SHAPED FAMILY INITIATIVE: This new Whole Heart initiative will call families back to building a biblical “Christian home.” The Faith-Shaped Family blog will offer encouragement and ideas, a new book will define the vision, and new resources will equip parents. (Coming this summer.) MOM HEART MINISTRY INITIATIVE: Mom Heart Ministry is a strategic small groups initiative to “restore moms’ hearts to God’s heart for motherhood.” On MomHeart.com, moms can find training, resources, media, encouragement, and connections to be a part of this movement of mothers. MOM HEART INTENSIVES: Nearly fifty mothers attended the first three-day Mom Heart Leader Intensive Training in our home in 2010. Other “Intensives” have followed, and now more are planned in Colorado and around the world as Sally trains mothers to minister to mothers. Let’s Write a Story Together Worth Reading! We are, and always have been, just a small, family-run, nonprofit, Christian, faith ministry. All that means is that we trust God to provide financially as we step out in faith. There are two needs we’re trusting God to provide for right now, and in the months ahead. First, we need financial partners who will help us tell the story of God’s heart for the home and family. We need new partners to offset the loss of conference income that has funded our ministry for twenty years. Second, we need partners who will help us reach beyond our current limitations. We want to reach the Spanish-speaking world, expand our online ministry, and train mothers in other countries. A new fund-based online giving platform coming soon will enable us to set giving goals and receive funds dedicated to selected strategic projects. Your financial gift at this time would be greatly appreciated to help us move into 2016 financially healthy and amply supplied to write the story that God gives to us. We encourage you to use our online donation page on WholeHeart.org (link below). It is safe and secure, and will give you full control over your giving. You can also send a check to the address below. Financial contributions to Whole Heart Ministries, a 501c3 tax-exempt organization, are tax-deductible. Thank you for your partnership! Your gift helps us press on in Christ to keep faith in the family. Grace and peace to you and your family. Wholehearted blessings in Christ, Clay and Sally Click Here to Donate Now Online You may also send a check to: Whole Heart Ministries, PO Box 3445, Monument, CO 80132. Or make a donation by phone at 888-488-4466. Thank you!

You Have to Stop Before You Can Move Forward

No matter how hard we try, none of us is able to control all of the circumstances and moments of our lives. From time to time, when my four were much younger, and I had pushed them to their limits during the day without a nap, too much activity, beyond their bedtime, too much sugar, and sometimes with lots of over-stimulation, bedtime would be impossible. Out of utter fatigue, they would wail and cry, throw little fits and not give into sleep until their bodies finally capitulated to utter exhaustion. Their reaction was equal to the level of exhaustion and abuse their bodies had taken.

I realized that there was nothing to do except let them cry and fuss until they finally fell deep into sleep. They didn't need to be disciplined--they needed to be loved and rested. Only when they caught up on their rest and their metabolism went back to a normal blood sugar level over a couple of days, were they less agitated.

Mamas do the same thing, at times. When living without enough sleep, and eating too much junk food, with work and taking care of others--who are often immature, irritating and draining, wrapping presents, cooking, life takes them to utter exhaustion, they are prone to fits expressed in different ways.

We cry, too--but in a more adult way. By being grumpy, irrationally angry, irritated or tearful at the smallest circumstances, our bodies rebel at exhaustion and show us that we have abused them.

Our hearts will not have peace until our bodies have had rest.

What a great Christmas we have had as a family this year. I see maturity even in adult years and everyone gets along better and better, as they all appreciate each other now that they are older. Still, the many meals, messes, dishes, shopping always takes a toll on me.

From many years of Christmas, I realized that in order to go into the new year with peace and a good attitude, I needed to catch up on life and take time to stop to ponder my priorities, and give my body, heart and mind rest,  before I jump forward into a new year of more activity.

Today, I got up before everyone else because I always feel a desperate need for time by myself. (When everyone is home, there is no end to talking, discussing, opinions, energy and adrenalin spent.)

Lighting several spiced candles, switching on the Christmas lights, playing some favorite music and drinking a big cup of tea latte, I settled into a comfy chair and just sat and allowed the stress to flow out of me. Sitting quietly for a half hour, I began to plan my next days so that I would have time to steal away a few minutes for myself. Getting some control of my life and planning for productivity means that others who draw from me will have more inside to draw out of me.

These are goals I wrote down for myself today. Each of us have differing priorities, so make your own list apply to you.

1. Emotional health is something I have to stay on top of as I live a very giving out life and can become down or a little depressed if I don't figure out how to refuel. How am I going to refuel emotionally? What friends, time with Clay, getting away by myself, will affirm the empty me and give me a sense of refreshment? And then I put some specific simple plans into place.
2. Spiritual Health  What do I need to do to gain control of my spiritual life? I need time to read scripture to give myself guidance for attitudes and for ways to trust God in the myriad details of my life. Is there anything I am fearful about? Am I harboring bad attitudes? Do I need to put anything to rest in my heart in order to move on without stress? What do I need to give to God in prayer? What devotion or spiritual book might I read in the next months that I most need right now to fill my soul? I know that I would never have made it through all the stresses and strains of my life is my spiritual time had not been a priority over all my years. God is my stability and gives me strength and wisdom to have the right attitudes. Without my spiritual perspective being guided by truth, my attitudes go awry.
3. Physical Health  Planning my physical health is a big issue for me before I go into a busy conference and launch season. What can I do to control my diet this month. (For me, no sugar, breads--limiting carbs, mostly fruit and veggies and lots of water--only two cups of coffee or tea a day--morning and one afternoon--that is cutting back for me!) When will I exercise? (I carry so much adrenalin and so I have to exercise so that I can relax. It is so snowy and cold in the winter, that I have to find ways outside of my normal long walks to get exercise. I have a few videos I use to get in at least a half hour of exercise a day and I have several dance playlists from Joy that I sometimes use for exercise.)
4. Educational goals. Reading restores my mental attitude. I plan what books I will be reading. I keep a journal to jot down what I am learning. I pick a book to read aloud to whoever is here. Read alouds are still a part of my family life and stories give me happiness and soul filling moments each day.
5. Putting together rhythms for my family after losing all control during the holidays is essential. Morning, breakfast routines, devotions, meals, chores, work, ministry, evening meals, time demanded by those living at home and relaxing activities are a must for me to control and plan, as I always have lots of people in my home. If I don't plan it, I will lose control of my time and I will find myself irritated at the very people I want to serve.

These are only a few of the commitments I have to make time for, time for planning and figuring out so that I can move from emptiness to a plan for filling.

This year, I actually took the outline of the chapters from Own Your Life to give me some guidance and reminders about how to better Own my time, Own my emotions, Own my commitments, etc. in the days ahead. This concept of taking charge of my life and purposes has taken hold in the past few years and so it still helps me each January to use these concepts to give me a plan for moving forward.

Take time to plan and refuel so that you can move forward with peace, a quiet heart and a restored soul. Off to sleep a very long sleep so I can begin to catch up! :)

If you want something to give you ideas of how to move forward in the new year, you might enjoy reading Own Your Life again and jot down ideas about how to move to purpose and peace. Or find another book that will help stimulate you to the kinds of priorities you need to refresh your own life.

Merry Christmas to All!

I Love You More than Christmas

All four of my own children have invaded my home and brought with them laughter, messes from suitcases, lots of coffee and tea cups being used over and over again. The joy of my season, so far, has been to just sit and listen to them share friendship together. My heart is saying, "It was all worth it. They all caught a vision for life. They are all alive with ideals, vision, purpose and love for the One who matters the most."

With such strong personalities and ideals, of course there is friction and stress in the up and down moments of our lives. But also lots of memories and stories. This one is one of my favorites from one of my very best friends, Nathan. We have grown even so much closer this year through the events of our lives and I am always happy when he is around. Take time to look into the eyes of your loved ones this season and you will make a memory you will love to visit years from now.

 Christmas Eve found me huffing and puffing over a kitchen cabinet overflowing with dough. Cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning, herb and onion bread for the Shepherd's meal that very evening, and I was into my own vortex of checking off a mental list of all that had to be finished. Stockings, wrap presents, call my family, make the potato soup and fill the cookie trays......on and on the list grew.

Charming 12 year old, golden blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, marched into the kitchen with a purpose to his step.

"Mama, I know you are busy, but there is something real important I need to talk to you about. I need you to come right now!"

A little tightness wrapped itself around my attitude.

My thoughts, "Hello! Can't you see that I am up to my elbows in dough? Do you really know how much I am doing to make all of you happy? I am doing this for you. Can't you just see what I am up to and wait for just a little bit?"

My words, "Honey, I am a little busy right now. Can you just wait for a few minutes? Why don't you talk to me right here--I am happy to listen to you."

"Mom, we need to have privacy. It won't take long. If you could just come with me for a few minutes, I really need to talk to you."

Something in my heart said, "You need to take time. He is not usually this insistant in the middle of the day. Give him your focussed attention for just a few minutes."

And so I reluctantly wiped my hands clean, put the dough down and said, "Ok, Nate, let's go to my bedroom. No one is there."

He seemed to be holding something behind his back and wanted me to go in front of him.

I walked ahead of him into my bedroom, sat on our little love seat next to our bed and said, trying to smile amidst the tension I was feeling, "Now, Nathan, what did you want to talk about?"

Then, with a smile from cheek to cheek, he gingerly pulled out one long stem red rose from behind his back and presented it to me.

"Mama, I love you more than Christmas."

"I was thinking about all that you do to make us happy and I wanted to give you a present before I get all of my presents tomorrow. I wanted to let you know I love you and really appreciate you ahead of time. So here is my present, mama. I made Dad take me to the store and I got a red rose for you.  Do you like it?"

Of course, you could have pushed me over with a feather.

I was shocked, surprised, touched, and the tears began to flow and my heart began to melt.

"Nathan, that might be the sweetest, most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given to me. Thank you with all of my heart."

And so I drew his "little-boy" body to myself and gave a great big hug and kissed him on his smiling cheek.

"I will never forget this. I adore you, sweet Nathan."

And I haven't forgotten.

And now I saw my extraverted, ADD, bubbling over, OCD boy in a whole new light.

So very glad this one time God prompted me to listen with my heart instead of my head.

Is the Christmas Mess Worth It?

The traditional Christmas tree cake, for about 25 years.

Ideals often drive us to commit to more than is reasonable to accomplish. I always think I can do more than I can, because I didn't always understand the limitations of my children's ages. I didn't build margin for outside, inevitable life issues that require time and attention. And often, I didn't take into account my own limitations.

At 62, I look back over the years and can still feel the pressure, stress, busyness, interruptions, and frustration with messes, irritations and disappointed expectations.  Yet, last night, after our Christmas open house, I am so grateful that every year, we invested in hospitality and parties that have ministered to hundreds of people over many years.

Deep in my heart, I grew to believe that every person in my life had a need to be loved, known, validated, encouraged. Of course, I am limited in time and energy and resources, yet, our family decided many years ago that we would use our home as a place of refuge, encouragement, instruction and love for those God would bring into our lives. We shared the understanding that God made us to be those who would reach out, extend His grace and love and to be the lights others needed. So, our parties became for us a way to extend his love and grace to those in our lives. And because we moved 17 times, often, our Christmas's were pretty lonely. We needed to reach out to others so that we would not feel alone.

For years, all of us Clarksons, Clay down to Joy, have pulled together for each party. Boys setting up chairs, all of us  shopping, putting together treats, lighting candles, putting on music, cooking and cleaning again. What I truly see now, is that, because this was the habit of our lives, the oxygen that my children breathed year after year, they are all great at using their spaces for hospitality--be it a small dorm room, an apartment or a cottage shared with roommates. Traditions practiced and practiced over and over again become second nature.

When my children were "littles" I did not have as many Christmassy things and most of the time we would eat off of paper plates and our gatherings were child friendly. Of course now that Clay and I have been married for almost 35 years, we have inherited stuff from parents and grandparents and years of "collecting" stuff that accumulates and so we use everything we have grown to enjoy over many years. But simple is always a goal so that we don't get too worn out. Preparing ahead little by little also makes gatherings possible no matter what age the family. Some years, though, when illness strikes or a hard year has come, just staying alive is great. But sharing home with someone else almost always feeds the heart at some level.

Living through the messes is definitely worthwhile when it is building a legacy of love and hospitality.

Our parties include:

*A Mom's tea where each women brings a savory dish to share and a sweet to share and a mug or tea cup that is their favorite.

*A Mother-daughter-friend tea for close friends

*An open house where everyone brings snacks to share, we provide the drinks, and we visit and then end on a Carol sing each year.

*A progressive dinner with the closest of friends where we go to different houses for a different course. (appetizers/salad at one family's home; main meal at another/ desert at the final home!) This is always a wonderful time of fun and giggles as we traverse all over the north Colorado Springs area to each other's homes and have tiny little gifts to share.

This is tonight--so no photos yet. But, now after being faithful after all these years, we are all so thankful for memories made and friendships slowly built by the rhythms of sharing life together.

Home! This is the place where after all of these years, friends look forward to these times together--times to worship, pray for one another, to remember the years of life events we have shared. At the beginning it seemed like we were always the ones who had to give and give--but the giving became friendships, memories, support systems and a legacy of our children learning to cultivate a heart for ministry.

I can't wait to share Sarah's and my ponderings about home in our new book. If you need a last minute gift to share, you might consider The Life-giving Home and the planner/Bible study! Then we have a post card you can send to let your friends know it is coming.

Celebrate Your Friends with A Recipe for Christmas Biscotti!

Over thirty years ago, I found myself walking on frigid streets in Vienna with snow dancing all around as I found my way to a small Christmas gathering at an apartment of a close friend. Steaming cups of coffee with froth foaming brought warmth back to my body. Fresh out-o- the-oven were almond cookies that I was to taste for the first time. Being welcomed to the home of a friend when my family was thousands of miles and an ocean away, warmed my lonely heart.

Since then, gathering friends together with something warm and sweet and mugs of warm coffee or tea has always brought me heart-opening times with women all over the world. I believe God created something uniquely special to transform hearts amidst feasting and drawing close over food and drink. Now, this recipe of biscotti is one of my favorites. And I still love having friends over for that heart to heart sharing in such a way. Make time for your friends and heart-filling moments this season. Make a memory that you can visit for many years to come. And enjoy my tradition and recipe.

If there is one thing I am apprehensive to do in the kitchen, living in Colorado at an altitude of 7,500 elevation, is baking! So I try to pick things that won't fail me and leave me in tears after attempting to pour my heart and soul into butter, eggs, and sugar...

The answer: Christmas Biscotti! It works every time and also gets us in the Christmas spirit. Who doesn't like a warm cup of cocoa, tea, or coffee to dip their cookie into? Although these cookies are not your chewy, soft variety, they ARE the dipping kind!

Biscotti is a very popular Italian cookie that is baked twice to give it an extra crispy crunch! I will share our favorite Christmas Biscotti recipe with you, so that if you can relate to my baking fears, you will be able to overcome any baking hazards with this recipe!

One batch makes 2 dozen or more cookies. This is a perfect addition to your Christmas cookie tray or gift tins. We love to plop down on the couch with a warm cozy blanket, tea or cocoa in hand, and a few of these delightful cookies, while listening to a Christmas Advent or watching a favorite Christmas movie!

Christmas Biscotti

Ingredients:

1/2 cup pecans (or almonds!), chopped and toasted

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

8 tablespoons of butter, softened

2 eggs, room temp.

1 teaspoon vanilla (In Austria, I learned to love Almond flavoring--you can use that instead.)

2 teaspoons of sugar for topping / chocolate for drizzling on top / anything you can think of to make it your own!

Biscotti logs in the oven

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Chop nuts and place on baking sheet and bake for 6-7 minutes until lightly toasted. Remove pecans from pan and cool. In large bowl, combine flour, baking powder and cinnamon; set aside. In mixing bowl, beat butter and 3/4 cup sugar until creamy.

Beat in eggs and vanilla or almond extract. Add flour mixture; mix well. Stir in pecans.  Divide dough in half and form each half into a 7x2 inch log. Lightly spray bar pan or cookie sheet with nonstick cooking spray. Place each log crosswise on sheet or pan about 4 inches apart. Sprinkle with sugar.

Bake 30 minutes. Remove pan to cooling rack; let logs cool in pan for 15 or more minutes until completely cool. Carefully remove logs to cutting board and using a serrated knife, gently cut logs diagonally into 1/2 inch thick slices.

Arrange slices upright in pan/cookie sheet, about 1 inch apart. Bake 20-25 minutes or until dry and crisp. Cool completely on cooling rack. *Add any special touches, like drizzled chocolate after cooled. Store in tightly covered container. Yield: About 2 dozen cookies.

Now, get out your favorite mug and make some delectable tea, coffee or cider and enjoy a few minutes of Christmas peace. Better yet, do it with a friend, your husband or even your children who are your best friends. Best moment of the day! Enjoy.

Finding God's Design for Our Homes: The First Christmas Family

Early this morning, while I was still in bed, a friend called me on my cell phone. A young mom of 4, her plate was full with work, family, an ill family member, money issues, and weariness from dealing with her teenager.

All of the stresses in life can seem even more overwhelming at Christmas. We imagine that somehow our lives are unusual because we fight to maintain a "peaceful" spirit of Christmas in a desire to honor the advent of our Lord, and yet, our weariness and moments of the demands of life get the best of us. None of us has a perfect home, a perfect plan, perfect children, a perfect marriage, and yet, the work of building our ideals in the direction of God's design matters every day, all the time.

As my friend and I concluded our phone call, I prayed with her, and we both acknowledged how imperfect our worlds were, and yet, how grateful we had lived long enough to see that our faith and tiny steps of faith had built redeeming stories in both of our lives. It reminded me of another time I saw into the heart of a mama much like me--who sometimes looked at her failures more than the grace of God through her in living out her love through motherhood.

How amazing that we remember, at Christmas, that even Jesus, the perfect son of God, was placed into a family, into the arms of a mother, who sang to him, nursed him, loved him and taught him to love the word of God. Perhaps God was saying, "Yes, family is the best way to bring righteousness in the world. Even in the life of my own son, this fragile, dependent babe, came so innocently coming into the dark world to save it."

Journey with me to another memory when a mama did not feel adequate, but learned to live into this powerful design.

The hotel ballroom was packed full of women from all over California. The hum of excited conversation, laughter, and discussion filled the room. We had just finished the first evening of a conference on becoming a wholehearted mother and were moving toward the exit doors to get some needed sleep. A few women lingered to ask me questions about their children and home or to encourage me about the messages being shared.

One woman, however, stood behind me, conspicuously alone, pulling away from the crowd. With downcast eyes and slumped posture, she waited quietly until all the other women had gone. Then she timidly approached me and said, with tears streaming down her face, "I don't know if I should talk to you or not. You see, I would love to be a great mother to my children, but I don't know if I can. What you spoke about tonight is meaningless to me. My mother was an alcoholic, married three times. My stepfather abused me. I have never experienced a loving relationship in my life. So how can I do something that I have never even seen in real life? I've always longed to feel and give real love, but I don't know if I am capable."

As I travel throughout the United States, Canada, and Europe, I continue to meet women who express these same needs and desires and frustrations. Some have suffered the brokenness that results when God's design is ignored. Others, like the women I described in chapter 1, feel confused and adrift in a culture full of conflicting messages about what it means to be a mother.

Many with whom I speak are not Christians; yet they identify a design in their hearts, a deep longing to have a center for life—a home where love, marriage, and children are part of a complete picture.

At the same time, they feel uncomfortable with these desires. Either they have little confidence in their mothering abilities, or they simply can't reconcile their heart longings with their mental image of a successful woman. They long for purpose and meaning and a sense of peace in their homes, but they have no understanding or clear idea of how to grasp what is already written in their hearts.

I think that these women express these desires because they were designed by God to enjoy and affirm in their hearts what we were made to live out in our lives. Yet many have become confused by voices that try to define femininity apart from marriage, physical design, motherhood, or family—and many have been directly damaged by their own families or by a culture that has drifted far from God's design. The yearnings of their hearts are often belittled or subdued by the stronger cultural voices that picture feminine success in terms of emotional independence, career accomplishment, and a kind of personal fulfillment that may have little to do with God's design on their lives and therefore cannot bring real happiness or satisfaction.

The heart of motherhood has been broken by sin's perversion of God's design throughout all of history.

Families have been broken apart. Parents have failed in their calling, and children have rebelled. Men and women have demeaned and mistreated each other and their offspring, and those offspring have passed along the painful results to their own children.

Yet the longing for a stable and secure home and a desire for a defined and meaningful family heritage have remained a foundational part of the human psyche, built into the yearnings of each person. To understand where this came from and why it has persisted, we must go back to the Word of God to examine his original design for mothers and families—and to some of the ways that our culture makes it difficult for women to live as God intended.

God's Word, you see, gives us the map or plan for the family so that we might better understand what he had in mind for us. Few things will last after we die, but our children and their children will live throughout eternity. What we do as mothers, therefore, has eternal significance, so it's especially important to understand God's original intentions in this regard. Exploring his design for families and for motherhood cannot only help us understand what has gone wrong, but also how, with God's help, we can move closer to the joyful, fulfilling, and vitally important role he intended for us from the very beginning.

This Christmas, remember that your family is a holy place, as it was for Jesus, a place where the work of eternity, of bringing glory to God through the love, celebration and living of His truth within its walls.

The Mission of Motherhood discusses this topic in depth and really paints a picture of what motherhood was intended to look like! You can find it here: Mission of Motherhood

Secrets of Training Godly Character in the Heart of Your Child & A New Podcast

So excited to begin the journey of launching my newest book--coming out February 2! Get my new book for your friends for an Inspiring Christmas Gift and print and send them this postcard with your personal note! A sweet friend, Anna, who is helping me with my launch team, said she thought giving your friends a copy of the life-giving home for Christmas was a great idea. You can print out the postcard above with a personal note and make it a great new years--Start the new year off with a great plan--sort of book. Hope you enjoy it!

Life!!!

Tonight, after a long day in Philadelphia with my sweet Joel and Joy, I am boarding an airplane for home--always the best place to be. I do love visiting my boys! (Though it was 63 in Philly today and it will be 13 degrees tonight at home!)

This weekend, admits many activities, Kristen Kill and I recorded a new podcast for you. Building, teaching and nourishing Godly character into the heart, mind and soul of your child is essential to your child becoming a healthy adult. Teaching anyone to pursue godly character always encourages and inspires the teacher who has to be accountable to these ideals.

We hope you will share this podcast with your friends as it is a great time of year to  begin re-visiting your ideals and making a plan for the new year. Character is what serves the rest of the a person's life. Only as we are reliable, have integrity, stay faithful, work diligently, love unconditionally, stay faithful, choose faith, pursue forgiveness--the foundations of character--can we become strong and healthy in all walks of life and in all circumstances of life.

I held three goal in this area at all times!

1. Giving our children and ourselves a foundation of a self-image of one who wants to be godly, holy, set apart for God's purposes is the beginning. Such a grid for life says, "I am ready to pursue holiness every day, all the time, to please you God and to do what is right." It is a vision for life. I want my life to count for eternity and so today I will seek to serve God in my heart, my attitudes, my work, my relationships--in every way.
2. Learning and instructing what Godly wisdom is, is essential to being able to follow the vision--teaching the true principles of character help us to pursue integrity. (24 Family ways is good for this.) Learning the meaning of virtue and virtues of moral excellence: diligence, faithfulness, generosity, loyalty, righteousness, etc. When the meaning of a virtue is digested in cognitive understanding,  and in cultivating an education for values, then instruction can follow on how to live out virtue through our actions.
3. Practicing "doing" and "being" godly character traits, making godly habits a familiar part of every day, and correcting each action to move in the direction of faithfulness is the practical place of training and building godly character. We discuss all three in the podcast. Hope you enjoy it.

Have a wonderful week. All mine are coming home this week. Can't wait. Sending wishes for your week to be one of peace.

Tending Your Heart (Own Your Life Fridays) Ch. 10

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Tending Your Heart and Investing In Your Soul

She called it her treasure chest. I had taken my fifteen year-old son Nathan with me on a special trip to Austria and Poland, the places where I had spent time as a missionary in my twenties. In an open air market in Krakow, I found a special souvenir to take back for Joy. It was a hand-carved box, made of glistening cherry wood, with soft red felt lining on the inside, and a cheerful-looking bear carved onto the top.

It was treasure chest for small treasures.

To my delight, Joy loved the box. She carried it with her everywhere collecting in it little treasures she would find. After playing outside, she would come in and place a beautiful bird feather or a shell in the box. After church, she carefully tucked away a bookmark with a prayer on it. After a trip to the Denver Art Museum, she tenderly folded the small print I bought her of a favorite painting and placed it inside.

She filled her little box to the brim, and at nights her eyes would shine with delight as she would take out each item to cherish them all. “My treasure box reminds me of all the beauty God has put in the world, Mama!”

Joy’s treasure box gave me an image of what it means to cultivate my soul and fill it with truth and beauty. Wherever Joy went, she carried with her a reminder of the light, beauty, and truth of God’s goodness. As Christians with the light of Christ in us, we should have hearts full of God’s treasures—beauty, grace, and truth—to sustain us in the darkness and to offer to others.

To have a rich treasure chest in our hearts, though, we must be intentional about pursuing activities and practices that fill the heart instead of draining it. God has filled the world with delights for us to encounter, and yet our culture often thinks of beauty, delight, art, and music as secondary pursuits which are perhaps a bit frivolous in comparison to the “real” work of being serious and holy.

I would suggest, however, that God wants us to worship him every bit as much in our delight as in our duty.

When we dwell on the extravagant delights God has given us in the world, our hearts are drawn toward Him in worship. When we gaze on God’s gifts of beauty to us, we find our eyes drawn away from the ugliness and sin of the world. Perhaps this is why Paul so sincerely exhorts the Philippians saying, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

When we fill our hearts with excellence and virtue, we find ourselves with a wealth of God’s goodness to offer others from the treasures we have collected. Just as Joy carefully filled her box, so we must learn to intentionally pursue activities  that will fill the treasure chest of our hearts with good things. We should look for ways to fill our hearts, minds, and spirits with goodness, truth, and beauty—the things that inspire us, cause us to worship God, and bring light to others.

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting. that will fill the treasure chest of our hearts with good things. We should look for ways to fill our hearts, minds, and spirits with goodness, truth, and beauty—the things that inspire us, cause us to worship God, and bring light to others.

Heart, Mind, and Soul Restoration

Life is draining, every moment, all the time. We have bills to pay, work to do, meals to make, people to care for, tasks to complete--and then we must repeat these tasks again and again.

When we are constantly emptying our hearts, minds, and souls, it is essential that we take responsibility to keep filling them up. What we feed our inner bing will determine what we can give to those in our spheres of influence. What we have stored, cherished, and valued in our lives is reflective of our true selves.

If we wish to live out the best virtues of life, we must feed our minds, hearts, and souls upon all that is virtuous. Our souls reflect our true selves. What we have fed upon will be reflected through the ways we live in relationship to people and to the culture at large.

When you learn to take responsibility for your own well-being, you will produce a harvest of influence and grace in every other area that is influenced by your heart health.

An excerpt from Own Your Life, Chapter 10.

Being With Our Children at Christmastime

As it's gotten (a bit!) quieter around the Clarkson house these past few years, I love looking back on memories of previous seasons and the lessons I learned in them ... Half past ten in the evening found me downstairs, dragging my weary body on a tour of my four children's bedrooms to say good night. I had been up since four that morning, and all I could think of was my own bed and how I longed for sleep. Nathan's room was my last stop, and I hoped for a quick good-night so I could finally be through with this stress-filled day.

It was the Christmas season in a new home. All four of my children were lonely, missing the familiarity of friends and the flurry of activity that normally comes with the Christmas bustle.  But thirteen-year-old Nathan, in his extroverted, adolescent-hormone-filled body, had been hit the hardest.  Though he has a heart of gold and was trying hard to use self-control, he had a puppy-dog look in his blue eyes that begged for attention. To be honest, I didn't think I had it in me. I felt drained and wrung out just trying to keep all four children happy and cared for in their restless need for more than I had to give.

I sat on Nathan's bed, prayed a quick good-night prayer, said a hasty "see you in the morning, honey," and bolted for the door in hopes of making a quick retreat to my room. After all,I had fulfilled my obligation as a good mom to "tuck in"all of my children.

Then Nathan's pleading voice quietly taunted me. "Don't you even have a few minutes that we can talk?" I mustered my own self-control, sat back down on his bed, and tried hard not to show my desire to leave as quickly as possible. "What do you want to talk about?" I queried. "Oh, nothing. I just wanted someone to be with." "How about I scratch your back?" He turned over on his bed, and I slowly began to "soft tickle" his back, a phrase coined by our family when Sarah was a little girl. As I began this labor of love, questions, thoughts, ideas, and dreams started pouring out of Nathan's mouth. The longer I scratched his freckled back, the more he seemed to relax.

"I hope someone will ask me to do a magic show at a birthday party soon, Mom. Do you think anyone will see the fliers I put up?...What are we going to do tomorrow?... Do you think we can have an open house for all the neighbors on Sunday?...When do you think we can take a trip back to Colorado? Mom, don't you think Kelsey is a good dog? She doesn't mean to be so wild; she's just a puppy. Sort of like me, I guess.... What do you think we should get Joel for Christmas?... Do you really think I'm a good writer?"

One thought spilled into another as the minutes ticked away. And I could feel my irritation gradually draining away too. I couldn't help thinking how blessed I was to have a teenage child who wanted to share the company of his frumpy mother.

When the spilling out of Nathan's heart seemed to be slowing down, I did one final flurry of scratching his back and then pulled down his T-shirt to close this time of sweet fellowship, which would be in my memory forever.

"Thanks for taking the time, Mom," Nathan said as he gently reached up to kiss my cheek. "It meant a lot to me."

It's hard for all of us--especially in the hurry and flurry of Christmas--to take time to stop and listen to our children.  But I've realized that's the most important thing of all.  If I want my children to be open to hearing the messages I have for them, I must listen to the ones they have for me.  How can you take time to listen to the hearts of the precious ones in your own walls, this Advent season?

(You can read more here: The Ministry of Motherhood!)