Stories Shape the Imagination that Feeds Faith & Heroism

Snow swept the pines and peaks out the windows of our Colorado home, but we were warm round our fire inside, about to use the wintry storm as an excuse to take the afternoon for one of our favorite activities: reading aloud. That day, we were deep into a reread of Narnia, imaginations alight with fauns and lions and dancing trees. We sprawled on couch and floor, or curled in a blanket by the fireside, sketchbooks in hand, hot chocolate nearby, and together we formed both soul and mind by the power of the beautiful stories we read.

Clarksons and books go together. You can’t really have one without the other, and our home is a place crammed with the books we loved. The shared stories of our home, the evenings of read aloud, the picture books we all first knew, have a power to create both camaraderie and identity that I delight in to this day.

Camaraderie first: I have often pondered the special power, the heightened delight of stories when they are shared. In the same way that a week’s visit at a friend’s home brings you closer than any number of coffee dates or bump-ins at church, the sharing of a story accelerates the comradeship of souls.

When people inhabit a realm of imagination together, it is inevitable that a bit of their own imagination and spirit are revealed to the others who sojourn with them in that marvelous place.

I think I am especially aware of this because of the way that stories have helped me to be close to my siblings, shaping our history, our memories, even the language we use to talk about life to this day.

When I think back over my childhood, I realize that many of my favorite memories come from the sharing of stories.

My Dad reading Patricia St. John’s Treasures in the Snow aloud, we four kids piled all over the living room at night, drawing, fiddling, and inevitably begging for one more chapter. The sibling fit of Scottish enthusiasm during which we kids took it upon ourselves to read Stevenson’s Kidnapped  aloud in the afternoons, and got swept into the drama of Jacobite Scotland. We’d finish our chapter and gulp the last cup of tea and head out for the mountains to enact the adventures we had just read aloud.

The hot chocolate dates I made with my sister when she was just learning to read so that we could savor A Little Princess together. The countless books my Mom read aloud to us in mornings of study (that didn’t really feel like school at all), The Winter Cabin, The Trumpeter of Krakow, Rilla of Ingleside, Carry On, Mr. Bowditch. The stories we read within the community of family made a common thread of thought and viewpoint that I share with my siblings to this day.

And then identity. I have written at length in Caught Up in a Story about the power of story to form a child’s perception of self. To encounter heroes or heroines in imagination is to begin to imagine the possibility of becoming one as well. Stories form the way we understand courage, truth, kindness, and love. In our home, great books were an integral part of the way we formed ideals and gained a sense of identity as people who, together, wanted to be the heroes and heroines in the stories of our lives.

The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a particular favorite. It’s not uncommon in my house to hear someone refer to Frodo, the elves, or Gandalf as part of a deep spiritual observation or to make a solid point. Middle Earth is talked about almost as if it were a real place. We think about ourselves and our lives in terms of “fellowship” and “quest,” and talk about making a Rivendell of our own. But other stories shaped us too; we talk about loving Aslan and God being “not a tame lion,” and the minute anyone brings up the subject of grace, the name of Jean Valjean is sure to follow (from Les Miserables , another family favorite.) The stories we shared provide our metaphors for living courageously and well.

After my Christmas visit at home this year, I found that stories once again, were foremost in our family conversation. Because a story experienced together creates a small and vivid world of fellowship. Stories reveal the souls of those who share them and knit them together for life. And a home crammed with just such stories… well, it becomes a great story itself.

Get our recommended book list in our new book and read about our traditions of read alouds to build brains, hearts, morals, souls and consciences.

Special books, movies and music uniquely listed in the above book, The Lifegiving Home Experience--and places to write down new books.

Traditions and stories built around books and read alouds in The Lifegiving Home. 

Happiness That Comes from Liking Yourself: Living Beyond Self-condemnation

Snowflake Bently

"My kids could never be like your kids," a young mom said to me at a recent conference.

My answer was, "I hope not--they were made to live fully into the extraordinary design that God gave them."

God did not give me children who fit into cultural boxes. Two are introverts, two extraverts, all with differing personalities, preferences, strengths, weaknesses--and yet all so very precious to me. Why is it we want to our children to conform to the cultural expectations of others and why would we compare ourselves to others, when God created us to be different than every other person ever made?

Condemnation must always arise from comparing ourselves to others. We can never live up exactly to the expectations of others because we were made to please only one--our heavenly Father. And we please Him by resting in His love, living in the freedom to be who He made us to be.

There is great freedom and happiness that comes from liking ourselves, accepting ourselves as we are and living in the grace we were created to experience every moment of life. When we compare ourselves to others we will either judge ourselves to be superior and become pharisees in our hearts or we will find ourselves falling short of their standards and live in condemnation.

So often, I meet precious ones who feel that they are a failure or somehow inadequate in their roles as believers, as mothers, as wives, as human beings. All of us fail and cannot be perfect no matter how we try. Remember God says in Psalm 103, he is mindful that we are but dust. He understands our limitations--and that is why He came to redeem our lives.

However, if we live fully into the fact that He loves us unconditionally, that nothing can ever separate us from His love, (Romans 8:31-32), that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, (Romans 8:1), then we can live into the freedom of who we are, as we are, and breathe grace and peace every moment of our lives. We are in process, little by little, given a whole life in which to grow into the likeness of Jesus, bit by bit.

Galatians tells us, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."

We are told not to live by someone else's false standard for who we should be because to compare brings a yoke of slavery.

Last year, searching through piles of books amidst Christmas music and crowds, I was seeking a book worthy to add to the library of my children's homes and apartments. Each year, I have tried to find a book that would uniquely express something of my heart that they could keep in the form of  message found in a book.

A lovely, limited print book of the photography of snowflakes captured my attention. Each photo displayed elegance of design, perfectly crafted and equal sides, shapes, contours, delicate twirls and corners. Yet, each flake was absolutely unique, extra-ordinary from every other flake. As I began to read about these lovely designs, I found that no two are alike--and that no scientist has ever been able to find out how to imitate the creation of snowflakes.

Who could compare the elegance of a snowflake and say one is superior to another? Or one was better when all are beautiful

What a reflection of an attribute of God's artistry in creation. Diversity is at the core of all that He creates--no two alike, all their own magnificent song, none to be compared because of the intrinsic beauty in each one.

As I pondered this over the weeks ahead when we peered through all the pages of the books I bought each one as a Christmas present to place on their shelves, I thought anew about how this truth of God's design applied to us as humans--no two alike, no one that we are expected to be like--God sees each of us as uniquely beautiful.

Great freedom comes from accepting ourselves as we are--all of our unique quirks, preferences, personality--loudness or quietness, large or small, whatever defines us as we are.

When we accept the fact that God made us uniquely, separate from any human that will ever be born, we understand that He does not fit us into a box where we must conform to the expectations of others. Instead we are quite free to be ourselves as we seek to know and understand His love, His righteousness and wisdom that He will reflect through our unique personalities.

Elegant and complex by design, each of us has a unique possibility of reflecting God's amazing creativity if we live and breathe His freedom and grace into the oxygen of our hearts every day.

Our children will be free to develop at their own rate, to become who they were made to be, to blossom as a unique picture of God's reflection through them only if we accept the unique design God has given them.

Join me today as I talk about why we often live in self-condemnation--and how to live beyond the boundaries of other's expectations and into the freedom of being ourselves in motherhood--grow little by little, choose joy daily, live in grace moment by moment.

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Is your home a place where your children are encouraged to be themselves? Accepted with the personality that God gave them?

Is your home a place where people are affirmed and loved with their stories and baggage as they are because the love of Christ is the standard for relationships?

Are you a conductor of the magnificent love of God through you so that all who come inside the walls of your home may encounter His boundless affection for us His children, and live to learn about His redemption through all the seasons of life?

Is your home a place where "I'm sorry. Forgive me?" and "I love you so much just as you are, you are a blessing to me," is spoken often because we have grown into a place of understanding His mercy and grace for us?

Of course all of these places of accepting His grace and freedom is a journey from our own feelings of inadequacy to the rest that comes from knowing He desires us to know His compassion and grow in knowledge of His grace little by little every day.

Today, live forward into the elegance of His design of you. Breathe in His unconditional love. Believe that who you are as you are is precious. Celebrate this freedom in your home every day.

Be free inside your walls at home to be yourself, and to relax in His acceptance of you as you grow from your own toddlerhood of life, toward maturity in Christ, with His hand of blessing leading you and blessing you.

Breathe grace into your home today--find the Lifegiving Home HERE.

The LifeGiving Home {Jan, Feb, Mar}

January and February (especially February) can be dreary months when stuck inside from the cold of winter. I'm from Michigan so this is definitely true here!

I love the feel of January, though, because there's sense of something new and refreshing. The feel of a new beginning and fresh goals. Yes, I am a goal maker!

Originally, my word for 2016 was Rhythms. But as I continued in the weeks, I realized I was going and going and going nonstop and I was burning myself out. The last thing I needed was something MORE to do. So, my word changed to two words: Practicing Rest. There is still a rhythm to this and that is to practice it, even a little bit, everyday. So, I guess you could say I'm practicing the rhythm of rest.

Rhythms, Routines, and Rituals

Sally shares some excellent rituals to strengthen or include into our own rhythms. Everything from devotional routines and meal time routines to cleaning routines to the reading-hour routine. We probably all do these in some capacity. But what can we do to strengthen them? What can we do to make them unique to our family? Special particularly for them?

There is no one right way to live life in a home. No one size of routine or rules or order fits all. Homes with young children will be quite different from a single-adult home. Elderly adults will order their lives by different life rituals than will single adults, young marrieds, or university students. But the more carefully we plan our days, the better our homes will provide us with freedom and enjoyment as well as purpose and accomplishment.

Familiar rhythms and routines give structure that provides leadership and personal care to all who live there. When children and guests know what to expect, they also know how to ask for their personal needs to be met and understand what part they play in the life of the home. -Sally Clarkson

Growing Lifelong Relationships

The whole reason for creating a life-giving home is to cultivate and nurture the relationships under our roof...whether they live there or come in for a visit.

While setting the atmosphere is a start, the key to a life-giving home is really the building of relationships. Taking the time we need to cultivate those relationships and not allowing the details of everyday life to get in the way of that.

I love what Sally says regarding the building of relationships throughout this chapter:

In taking time to build close relationships, we learn that people are more important than things or material possessions.

Our lives become what we live and model.

The way we use our time will help others know that building a relationship requires a commitment of time and sacrifice.

Sally also goes into some of the most foundational and practical ways to express love, beginning with good manners.

Teaching good manners has become somewhat of a lost art today. Yet it's the most basic way to show love to others, by honoring them through simply being polite and courteous.

She also shares some of the most practical ways to say I love you, including:

• kindness and sympathy
• focused attention and time invested
• words of encouragement and affirmation
• serving others
• saying "I'm sorry"

Other ways to express love can include the celebration of birthdays -- not just the day itself, but celebrating the person and making them feel special and valuable. These celebrations don't need to be fancy by any means!

As our family has grown, we've done away with large, elaborate birthday parties and have instead kept the celebration inside the family and a few close friends.

We will all go out to an activity of a child's choosing and I'll cook their favorite meal for dinner. After dinner, they'll open a few presents and we'll enjoy cake together.

Activities can include anything your budget allows. We've gone roller skating, bowling, put-putting, to the movie theater, to Build-A-Bear, even to the park! 

We've built many special memories through these activities.

What says "love" in your home? What more could you do to express love?

Caring for Yourself So You Can Care for Others: Make a plan!

"You can die early if you want to, but if you want to live strong and healthy, you have got to change your life choices," was the pronouncement I heard from my doctor.

In my mid-forties, I was burning the candle at both ends, staying up late, over-committing in projects, with the kids, and never saying "no" and it was catching up on me--taking toll on my health. I went on a long health fast, changed my ways, planned more sleep, ate more healthy, exercised more regularly, had regular quiet times, and took Sundays off. If I can't get something finished by Saturday afternoon, I put it on my schedule for Monday and take Sunday off.

Staying strong and healthy into my 60's was a commitment I had to plan and make. Planning to be strong inside and excellent of faith also required a plan. Now, at the end of 20 years of Mom conferences, I am taking time to rethink my priorities and commitments for the next few years. Only as I plan my life can I become most effective. I wrote about it a lot last year in Own Your Life. But I also created a planner for The Lifegiving Home so women could also plan and prioritize their ideals to live life intentionally in The Lifegiving Home Journey, hoping this book would help women think and plan according to their own family and their unique messages and ideals.

My first night home, this past Christmas, I had a lively discussion with my family regarding the creation of lists. Being a driven family in general, each of us agreed that we generally wake on any given day with a sense of what must be done, and how we want to accomplish it. Being a family well-versed in the intricacies of the MBTI (Meyers Briggs Type Indicator), we decided that Js (of which I am one) are more inclined to actually setting lists down on paper.

But that we all had lists of some sort, whether in our minds or on our calendars, was plain, and it reminded me afresh of how deeply I believe in the practice of planning life. By this, I don’t just mean a ticked off to-do list, but rather the creation of structures and rhythms that allow us to both accomplish what we need, and also to live in health.

Sarah shares some thoughts she has had on planning and priorities as she ponders her life from Oxford. 

Something I have learned very quickly in Oxford is that time is a precious commodity. I live on a schedule of 8-week terms, and this year find myself working, chairing a society, and living in community in addition to full-time academic work. If I don’t jot down a list in the morning, I am highly likely to miss the deadline for a paper, a phone call, or a meeting.

When I moved to Oxford, I got a handy day book and actually signed up for Google calendar. And for the first month or so, I was extremely productive. And highly efficient. But after five weeks of high-powered work, I was also exhausted, and realized that there was one list that I had entirely forgotten to make, one structure I had forgotten to add to my outline of life. And that was my plan for the care of my self - soul, spirit, mind, and body.

One of the fundamental plans I think is necessary both to the cultivation of an individual life and that of a strong and healthy home is a plan for the care of one’s self. This is not a self-centered setting of my needs above everything else, it’s the recognition that the high demands of a life spent in the creation of a home, the love of friends, and the accomplishment of work (whether the raising of children or the writing of papers) requires a stable, healthy person.

And the only way that health will be achieved is if that person provides what is necessary to keep their strength intact.

When I realized this, midway through my term, I sat down one Saturday morning (with a good cup of coffee and a bit of music, of course) to evaluate what I needed on a regular basis in order to stay physically healthy, spiritually centered, and emotionally stable.

For me, this meant regular times of deep quiet in which I could pray or think. It meant fellowship with close friends and connection with family. It meant enough sleep, and time to make healthy meals. It meant daily walks, and margin enough to read or write creatively. Each of these things were within my power to achieve. I simply needed to weave them into the rhythms I created on a daily basis in my home.

Home is the domain in which I have the power to rule. Within the confines of home (for me at the moment, a slim little bedroom and a good kitchen in England - yours may be quite different!), I can choose how I will structure, spend, and give my time. The rhythms I provide for my own self-nourishment and for the accomplishment of all I desire will determine either my exhaustion or my ability to live in a place of strength.

Nothing good in this life, home or friendships or writing or children, comes by chance.

We must choose, plan, and provide for the grace we want to create, the love we want to give, the joy we hope to cultivate.

In these late winter days, may you discover and form the rhythms you need in order to live richly in your home. May your planning ‘lists’ bring life.

Enjoy planning ideals and priorities by reading The Lifegiving Home and planning with The Lifegiving Home Experience planner. 

Support Nathan's New Movie: Finding Yourself While Losing Your Mind & A New Book

Nathan and me--my wonderful ADD, OCD, ODD, interesting, out of the box son, who taught me so much about life, love and beauty. He is truly one of my dearest, closest friends in all the world.

I am home at last and 20 years exhausted, I think, from all the years of Mom Heart Conferences. But oh so happy and thankful. What a run it has been. We finished our last conference in Dallas last weekend and now I am taking a breath to catch up on all the lose ends of the last few months.

One of the highlights of our conference this year was having all 4 of our kids with us. Nathan flew in from New York City.

We are so very excited to tell you we will be writing our book about out of the box kids and the moms who raise them.

Last year, he made his first movie, Confessions of a Prodigal Son and has sold over 60,000 to date. (You can watch it on Netflix)

Now, Nathan has decided to write a movie script and produce it  that will correspond with our new book, coming out next year. He hopes to encourage those who find themselves "outside the box" to understand that who they are, as they are, is a divine work of art--and that God has a way forward for each unique person, even with differences. Nathan wrote an article today to share a little of what He has been thinking as he is writing with me--and about the movie you can help to make a reality.

All of my life I have felt Different... partly because early on I was diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, ODD, and learning disabilities, and partly because the personality that God designed me with didn't fit into the "norm".

I was louder than most, couldn't sit still, and had a series of never-ending questions. Many didn't know how to handle my "out of the box personality" causing me to often feel alone, rejected, and "less-than."

But God, knowing who I was going to be, put me in a family, where I wasn't asked to conform to a mold, but was celebrated for my differences allowing me to finally realize that the things that made me "different" were the attributes that God wanted to use in my life.

It wasn't easy. But everyday of my young life, mom would spend hours reading, listening, and showing me stories of the great heroes who changed the world, who had their own differences and battles to fight. I love stories, stories were the way I was able to see myself and my insecurities as part of something bigger, part of something God wanted to use.

Now, as a grown man, who has dedicated my life to telling worthy stories,  I was recently inspired to use my passion for stories to show a message I think this generation needs to hear. This story will speak to any who have, for whatever reason, felt "different," "less-than", and have been tempted to give up.

My hope is that this story  will bring hope, inspiration, and a clear picture of the beauty with which we wre designed, even when we can't see it. If you or anyone in your life has ever felt "different" this film is for you.

Stories are powerful... Stories change us, connect us, move us, and inspire us.

But all too often, we live in a world that separates, alienates, hurts, and discourages us.

As a filmmaker, I believe we need powerful, quality stories of true love, sacrifice, hope, faith, and redemption to infiltrate this generation with the message God longs for us to hear.

Last year I released my first feature film-- Confessions of a Prodigal Son; a modern-day retelling of the prodigal son story. The film was made to offer hope to this prodigal generation, and since it's release into thousands of homes around the country, I continue to receive letter after letter of people who were touched by the message of redemption, and inspired to continue their journey of hope.

Because of this I have a new fire in me to continue creating the stories that tell of the amazing love and redemption God offers us.

After dealing with severe mental-illness my entire life and going through one of the hardest years I've experienced, God has gave me hope and engaged my imagination,  to craft a new story to through film.  Honesty about the hardships, darkness, and brokenness of the world will be addressed, but at the same time offers, hope and a path forward for others who feel different. The storyline follows a young man returning home after a traumatic event that shakes his whole world. In this place, he begins the journey to healing through fighting to see the beauty in the world.

It's my hope that all who see this film will be able to connect with the characters. Each one is going through hardship and each is deciding if they will make the choice to see redemption.

I am so excited to now announce we will be filming in September in my hometown of Colorado Springs, Colorado! We have already begun casting amazing talent that you have seen in films such as "October Baby" "Not Today." Even as I cast Kevin Sorbo in my last film, I will be attaching a surprise star to our project who will bring a wealth of talent and depth the film. And who knows, I might even make an appearance! :)

I am also so excited to announce that a portion of everything made by this film will go directly to suicide prevention charities, seeking to help troubled youth find hope.

But for this film to become a reality, for this story to have the chance to touch hearts,

Will you help me bring this project to reality?

We need YOUR help to bring it to life.

To make a movie you need everything from food to lights to extras to cameras. To make this particular film we need at minimum $12,000. which sounds like a lot, but when you're going up against Hollywood movies made for 12 million it's a pretty reasonable budget! Which is why we are so excited to get you involved in creating this project with some amazing rewards for those who are interested! We are offering everything from a call from a cast member all the way to having a line in the film or even becoming an official producer of the movie!

It means so much to have the prayers, and support of so many people who want to see stories of value created, and with your help we can bring this one to life...

Go HERE to find the kickstarter where I am raising funds to make this film a reality.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1408969248/the-art-of-finding-yourself-while-losing-your-mind

Thanks for very much. I am so grateful for the partners who helped make the last film into a reality.

Nathan, in a screen shot from Confessions of a Prodigal Son.

We would love to know your thoughts. Tell us what you think.

https://youtu.be/u-07Kr2G_bM

Times of Doubt: the Importance of Prayer In Our Lives and Theirs

Finally, it was quiet. The kids were in bed, the baby was asleep, and I was alone. Alone! It had been a very long and busy day full of housework, schoolwork, a new baby, long car trips, and the constant needs of a household of children and adults. As I slumped onto the den couch, I exhaled a deep and weary sigh that came from way down deep inside. It was met by a familiar voice.

"Mama?"

I looked around to see my 12-year-old "little" girl peeking through the doorway, her almost-young-woman face and teary eyes saying, Please, may I talk to you for just a moment?  It really is important.  I took a deep spiritual breath, reached down into my weary soul, and found a tiny bit of energy left that I didn't know was there.

"Come on in honey. What's wrong?"

Over the next several minutes, she poured out her heart about something she had struggled with for two years, a problem she just could not resolve. It wasn't the problem that caught my heart, though; it was something else she said as she finished her thoughts. "You know, Mom, sometimes I wonder if God is really real. My prayers seem to stop at the ceiling. I feel like I'm just saying words to myself. How do you know that what you and Daddy have taught us is really true?  How can you be sure you're not just believing in a nice story?"

That's when I felt a sense of panic strike at my heart. Sarah had loved Jesus since she was a young child and was unusually tender-hearted toward God for her age, so I knew this was a serious question.

I suggested that we pray. The prayer of my heart was definitely more for me than for her, even though the words on my lips were for her. Then we talked. My words of counsel to her were sufficient for the moment, assuring her that her doubts were not unusual, that God is big enough to work through them with her, and that her father and I were here to help her. We prayed and she went to bed reassured.

I went to bed disturbed.

In my time of prayer the next morning, I had to admit to the Lord that I was deeply concerned for my precious daughter. The panic I had felt the night before had become a gnawing fear. What if, after all my efforts, my children do not have a heart for God? What if I hadn't done enough to put them on the path of a godly life? What if they joined the growing list of teenage children, raised in homeschooling families, who have rebelled against God or simply rejected Christianity?

I agonized over these questions for a while as I conversed with God.

But I began to notice that the more I prayed, the more the fear ebbed. The more time I spent with the Father, the more at peace I became. And then it hit me—I was simply following my own best advice to Sarah the night before. God was reassuring me that my doubts and concerns were not that unusual, and that he was big enough to work through them with me.

By the time I said, "Amen," my heart was at peace. I had met with the Father, entrusted my children's lives into his hands, and been renewed in my spirit to remain faithful to my calling as a Christian mother. But I came away with much more than just temporary spiritual relief. I came away with a clearer understanding of how prayer fits into the picture of parenting.

When I pray for my children, it really isn't just for them—after all, God is in control of their lives.  It is just as much for me. My heavenly Father wants me to talk with him and to become a part of what he is doing in the lives of my children. More than all the things I do to turn my children to God, my prayer time is the most important part of my day because it is what turns me to God.

You can find a copy of my newest books here!

A Happy Home in a Hard World, Rhythms that Bring Life & A New Podcast

From the heart of Sarah...

The childhood image is clear in my mind to this day, and one I encounter afresh each time I visit home. In the new, blue light of morning, candles lit nearby, music playing softly, my mother is curled in the corner of the comfy couch in the living room. Her Bible is open in her lap, and a cup of tea (or coffee) is in her hand. She looks up at the sound of my footsteps, “good morning,” she smiles, and I come to curl up next to her on the couch. When I was a child, I’d look over her shoulder at the passage she was reading, and beg a sip of her coffee (which is where I gained my taste both for Scripture and good hot drinks!). Now, Bible in hand, I join her, continuing the devotional rhythm she helped me to create from my littlest days.

Quiet time. It is a rhythm, a heartbeat to life that I learned at my mother’s knee. But its only one of many I learned at her hands, set points within my days throughout childhood that steadied and calmed our lives and gave shape to our hours. When I think back over my childhood, the things I remember most are often the things we did daily, the rhythm or routines or rituals by which we structured our time, learned to progress, and kept calm.

The idea of creating a schedule may seem daunting at times. But I like to think of schedule as rhythm, a structured beat so that the music of creativity and relationship can flourish within the boundaries of order and rest. Rhythms give structure to the spaces and hours of home, showing the people who dwell there clearly when there is time to work, relate, rest, or create. They provide regular times for the most necessary things in life so that there is a sense of rootedness for those within the home. Rhythms give shape and form, work and rest to the world of home just as the seasons bring rhythm to the earth. They provide us with patterns by which we remember that 'to everything there is a time and season.'

My parents began our rhythms early. Quiet times were first, for sure. But breakfast together soon followed. Then chores. We had an hour of reading or quiet every afternoon. We had a 5 o’clock quick clean up hour so that our evening would be spent in (generally) neat atmospheres. We always ate dinner together. Tucking us snuggling into our warm beds with a blessing, a kiss and a prayer was another constant daily in our home. We had the rhythms of routine, but also of relationship.

One of the most formative times for my sister, Joy, were the bedtime talks she had with my mom. Without fail, my mom tucked her in and sat for awhile to hear about her day, to talk about her joys or fears. They laughed and cried, and those moments for Joy were her own sacred time, a time she could expect without fail. I had a similar experience with morning walks. Being pals with my mom throughout my early teens, I’d join her for dawn strolls  through mountains and country roads during which we had daily times of talking, sharing, crying, loving.

On a larger scale, we had weekly family film and pizza nights, teatimes on Sundays, discipleship times on our own with a parent - times we could count on to recur however busy the rest of the week. Whether chores, walks, or good talks with tea, the daily, set rhythm of our lives formed a structure by which we were able to live well. Having the foundation in place, the set points, the expectations, we were then able to move with greater confidence throughout our hours and days, however hectic, because we had rhythm to which we could always return. A heartbeat to our home that allowed us to sing.

Happiness in your home must first flow from your heart.

Read more about establishing rhythms in your home, and how to cultivate happiness in your own heart in The Life-giving Home Book

The LifeGiving Home {Chapters 3 & 4}

I hope you all have enjoyed soaking in the first handful of chapters. They really lay the foundation of why we should create a lifegiving home for our families. Today we are going to dig into chapters 3 & 4. Here we will see how grace and the very Incarnation of Jesus can be woven throughout our homes, our attitudes, and our service to our families, creating an atmosphere which sings of His grace.

A Symphony of Grace {Chapter 3}

We can choose to be the conductors of our own homes...taking the lead by establishing the atmosphere through serving.

Every home is going to be different in this respect. Sally shares her particular symphony and I just love how she has laid out the priorities for her own home inside chapter 3.

Welcome

"Adopting the attitude that every arrival at my door is a divine appointment for me to care for others, to understand and listen to them and to serve them a cup of cold water in Jesus' name, changes the way I see both my home and those who come in it."

Safety

"Having a place where we can shut the door to the rest of the world--where we can be ourselves, wail together, make mistakes, and live through seasons of growth--has been a grace to us. The closed door allows us to work on our inadequacies, our limitations, our personal struggles without the eyes of the public viewing our personal lives."

Knowledge and Wisdom

"Every table in our house has a place underneath where magazines and books are piled for the reaching. Baskets of books sit at the end of couches for grabbing spare moments. Literally thousands of books, magazines, audiobooks, devotional writings, and biographies, collected little by little, are scattered throughout every room in our house. Each one has been chosen as a source of inspiration and mind-filling strength."

Beauty

"Beauty is more than just pictures on a wall. It is also about colors that bring pleasure, smooth and nubby textures that reward the touch, the wafting fragrance of food in the oven that keeps us sniffing appreciatively, the comfort or excitement of music on the stereo. Beauty is found in the way we light the rooms, the books we open again and again, the way we arrange furniture and set the table."

Relationship

"Relationships are the core focus of celebrating life together in a place. The desire to create spaces for friendship, companionship, and fellowship influenced many of our home choices--even the furniture we bought, where we placed it, and how we used it. Grouping comfy couches and overstuffed chairs in front of the fireplace--not the television--is another relationship-based choice."

Nourishment

"Eating is not just about filling our bellies--or at least it wasn't meant to be. There is something about preparing food and sharing it that enhances relationship, builds community, even fosters spiritual connection. I believe every meal should be a celebration of life itself as we break bread and enter fellowship together."

Rest

"Bedrooms are not just for sleeping! Ideally bedrooms should be special places where each family member can pull away from all the stress, escape the demands, and rest, cry, journal, and dream away from the eyes of others. Bedrooms give sanctuary to souls and should be outfitted accordingly."

Which one of these stands out most to you to implement...or is there an element not listed here you'd like to add?

In my home, an important piece of "music" that adds life is to have a wide variety of high quality books and a ready source of good quality art supplies. Many of my children love to read and all love to create, color, paint, draw, craft in some way.

The Rhythms of Incarnation {Chapter 4}

Up until I read this chapter by Sarah, I never really thought of my home in the way she explains. I nodded in agreement as I read her explanation of Facebook being a distraction and her experiment to deactivate Facebook for 2 months makes me want to do the same (which isn't really possible for me since much of my work is done there!).

But, her idea to not check anything internet related before breakfast, now, that I could do -- and really, I should do. My first impulse is always to grab my phone or hop on the computer first thing to start my day and to be fairly honest...I don't love doing that. I would rather begin my mornings quietly or at the very least, presently, at home.

I love what she says here,

"As the days continued, the quiet grew. That one departure from Facebook empowered me to resist the Internet in general, and a hush grew daily within me as I rooted my consciousness once more in the world of touch, sight, sound, and breath. I found myself newly aware of the rhythms of light and dark. I felt a hush that beckoned me to look out my window and learn again the different moods of the pines in the dawn and the dark and the half light."

That sounds so incredibly lovely to me. As a mother with a house full of children (and 3 dogs), quiet is in short supply. But, subconsciously I add to the "noise" by starting (and often ending) my day on Facebook, or the Internet in general. It's no wonder I struggle to find peace in my own soul!

When I constantly feed myself from Facebook, I listen to all-the-voices. Consequently, I find it harder to hear God's voice.

She goes on to say,

"If we want to embody the life of God in our homes, we need to understand what God intended human life to be, and we also need to be aware of what distracts us from that intention or diminishes it in our lives."

And one last thing that really wraps up her heart (though the entire chapter is excellent):

"While there are certainly benefits to the world of technology, and while social media has in many ways increased connectedness, there are also profound ways in which the overuse of virtual reality and technological media is causing us to become mentally and emotionally absent from the present world of incarnational action."

I love working on the Internet -- I have for years! But there is always a downside to too much of anything and too much technology can throw us into information overload as well as giving us a constant expectation of instant gratification. We no longer know how to slow down because we've become accustomed to getting what we want and getting it now. 

So, my take away is that I am going to stop checking my phone or the Internet first thing in the morning. I want to breathe in the stillness as much as possible before the demands of all-the-things take me over.

What about you? In what way can you quiet your soul and return to being present with the people in your home?

Christin Slade

Life is just messy! Do you ever feel conflict within and without?

“Where there's hope, there's life. It fills us with fresh courage and makes us strong again.” Anne Frank

"In this world, you have tribulation, but take courage." Jesus

"Mama, I hope the world will always be a happy place 'cause it makes me feel sad when people cry."

I still remember the serious face of my sweet girl when she said this.

How I wish I could give all of my children a world where people were fair, life was easy, and no one If there is one thing I do not like,  it is conflict. Because I am a strong feeler on Myers-Briggs, I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to have harmony and to get along. I long for harmony in my life.

This world where we live is a battleground. . The ground is cursed and produces thorns and thistles when we work, and really it means, everything tends towards disorder, (second law of thermo-dynamics).

So it is in the spiritual-emotional realm, as well. Relationships are a challenge, as all the people I have ever met are sinners and fragile and make mistakes.

Children are born self-centered and self-absorbed, and so training them to become unselfish, and to have a servant heart, will cost us years of our lives. we have to go against their very nature, to help them to become mature.

And then there is my sinful self--we won't talk about how many regrets I have for all the ways I have been petty or selfish over the years.

Marriages feel the ravages of this battle, because of brokenness, baggage and scars that all of us bear,  sometimes come into the union at its beginning, or develops along the way.

Seems there is conflict everywhere--in my family, with my children's friends, in church, with my friends and co-workers, in marriage. You name it--it is just lurking somewhere around the corner.

And if there is anything that makes me want to quit ministry, it is conflict or misunderstanding.

At 62, I feel like a seasoned pioneer on this challenging journey of life. I have lived through tragedies, illnesses, losses, church splits, deep disappointment with those who called themselves believers and then lived hypocritical behavior with no conscience.

At times, I have felt like David, and asked God why the righteous suffer and the unrighteous prosper?

Perhaps we all feel the darkness and fallenness of this world deeply in our lives and circumstances.

Yet, it is the times of conflict, difficulty, stress, in which He has worked most in my soul. It is in falling or being accused unjustly, that I knew more about the need to give people the grace I would have wanted.

It is in being unjustly accused, that I became more humble and needy of Him and learned to depend on His love.

It is in struggling through the conflict that has evolved over years in our family circle, that I learned to have compassion on other women who have struggled with their own backgrounds. It is in bearing with my children and serving them, that God has taught me how deeply He loves me that He would bear with me and love me and serve me, in spite of myself, because I am His child.

And so, I am learning and have learned, that it is at these very points of stress, where our character is  formed. It is also where our character is revealed.

As Joy put up on twitter today,

"Women (People) are like tea bags. You never know how strong they are until you put them in hot water." - E. Roosevelt

When a person is in conflict and their soul is tested, what comes out is what they are in their hearts.

I have had to look into my own heart lately to see what I am made of. And so, Jesus has become my contemplation more and more as I become older.

"While being reviled, he did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God, who judges righteously." I Peter 2:23

The older I become, the more I fall in love with Jesus. He could have screamed and yelled and become frustrated and accused, so many, many times. He has every right to be frustrated with me, with you, with my enemies--I say I want to follow Him and then I do something petty.

And yet, He offers love, over and over again--"Father, I desire that they know the love I have known from the very beginning."

He is gentle, He is patient, He loves abundantly and generously, even though none of us deserves it.

Even though conflict makes me want to avoid life, God calls me to run through it.

And so, running away is not an option. It is challenge and difficulty where unconditional love is most miraculous. Bringing love and gentleness and courage into darkness heals, relieves, brings light and points others to Him.

And so, running away is not an option.

If I want Him to make my soul into the likeness of Jesus, I must strive, work, seek to attain His gentle ways, His sacrificial love, His peace-making heart.

God is the carving  His reflection and likeness onto my soul. And so, more and more, I humbly seek Him, pray to Him, ask Him to help me be filled with His spirit, so that I may not offend Him, but may, out of great gratitude become, every year, more and more of a great lover.

So, today, if you really love Him,

you may not run away,

I may not run away!

Nobility of His Holy Spirit will spur us on to love, peacemaking, and graciousness, even when we do not feel like giving love back.

Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down His life for a friend.

Cultivating Wonder in the Heart of A Child & Mama

One of my favorite memories from childhood regards a day of unexpected adventure. We had come to the end of a busy Christmas. School was just back in swing. And our day off was supposed to be spent cleaning up the remainders of the holiday mess. I must have been about twelve, old enough to know how much cleaning had to be done and dread it, old enough to feel a sort of dull-eyed boredom with the ordinary around me. I missed the color of Christmas. I dreaded the blank, grey days of school and work and January sanity ahead.

Imagine, then, my surprise, when my mom, after a glance at the doleful faces my siblings and I lifted, gave a long sigh.  “All right. Change of plans. Let’s go exploring,” she said. I think we stood there for a moment, startled. But she shooed us off to gather hiking shoes and backpacks with sketch books while she packed a picnic. It was a strangely mild day, and within a few minutes, we had piled in the car and were off on an adventure. We listened to music and sang at the top of our lungs as my mom drove up into the mountains. We ate a picnic by a stream. We dared the freezing water and gathered a bunch of river-smooth stones. When we got home, we lit a fire, made hot cocoa, and piled on the couches to read aloud. I remember curling in next to my mom, feeling such contentment with the world, with our home, and such a sense of hope and interest in the coming days, something renewed from my boredom of the morning.

I’ve thought often of my mom’s impromptu adventure with us that day, because it is something I have learned to repeat in my own adult life. I have realized that when weeks of intense, demanding work or busyness go by without rest or space, my mind becomes exhausted, my capacity for joy lessens, and with it my sense of gratitude for the life I have been given.

There is an art to the cultivation of wonder. There is a rhythm that must be struck if you are going to keep your spirit fully alive to the music that life, when artfully lived, may be. The music wells up amidst moments carefully claimed, moments wrestled free of distraction from all that must be done and bought and given. But wonder, hush, those signposts of a heart welling up with the holy, come rarely amidst the frenzy of modern life.  We live, most of us, at a hectic pace. We live at the pace of Internet and freeways, we move at the pace of other people’s countless needs, at the speed necessary to provide - money, food, care - for ourselves and others. In the unresting, unrelenting forward motion of adult life, nourishment of the soul seems more about getting a meal on time than a moment of transcendence.

But one of the things I always return to if I take the time to think about it in the opening of the year, is the fundamental need to live in wonder. To choose a state of mind not hectic, not constantly harried, but one steeped in a chosen simplicity, something almost childlike in its innocent awareness of the beauty present and possible in the ordinary, particularly in the spaces of home.

When I become aware of a dull, bitter spirit in myself, I take a day away…at home. I ‘go adventuring’ within the realm of my own walls, setting my home to order and taking the time to savor the ordinary wonders of life again. I get a stack of books and take some time to read. I cook a good meal. I spend some time just listening - to music, in prayer, or even just in silence. I take a walk. I light a candle. And every one of these simple actions helps me to return to a place where my attention isn’t scattered and strained, but focused. On the one beauty, the one person, the one grace before me. And suddenly, the world doesn’t seem as grey and hectic. Rather, in the confines of my ordinary life, in the space of my home, hope grows afresh and possibility rises in my heart because wonder has returned to my eyes.

A rich day at home with good books, good food, quiet, rest - small, ordinary gifts these. To some, they may even seem frivolous. But I am convinced, no, more like convicted, that to claim a few still spaces in which beauty is found and silence kept, is to open the door to God. The discipline, yes, I think you can call it that, of beauty, is an antidote to distraction. It battles the frenzy of our modern self-importance that keeps God, and the humility he desires in us, away.

Child-heartedness, innocence, simplicity, these are conditions of holiness, that fundamental health to which the soul must ever aspire. Wonder doesn’t mean a separation from care and sin, it means a chosen state of faith. A willed decision toward purity of heart. A state in which expectation is the operative consciousness, in which hope is native to each decision, in which thanks, sometimes simply by way of revelry in what is to be found amidst the ordinary, is the ground of discovery, education, and creativity. It is, I think, a state of grace, that fundamental orientation of self required by belief in a Father God. For to him, we are all, eternally, children. The world is his ceaseless gift, and the wonder with which we meet it in the very core spaces of self and home becomes our thanks… and our joy as well.

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Whew! Launch week is over and our second of 4 conferences has come to an end. What an amazing time with women from all over the US. Now, I am resting up in warm California with a friend before heading into 2 more conferences. Sure loved being with you all. So fun for Sarah sharing a memory from our home today, a part of our story. So happy so many of you are loving the Lifegiving Home.

You can find it HERE.