Will I Ever Fit In? Probably Not! & (A New Podcast)

OLSON MICROGRAVITY FLAME

The world was not worthy of them.... Hebrews 11:38

They will be a shining star in the story of God's light and glory on earth.

Is it possible God has called you to be a hero in your own story, in your family, in the life of your choices? The world is longing for leadership--to find those who are following hard after wisdom, the right ways--God's ways. Those who are willing to endure many challenging seasons and still stay faithful. Those who are willing to lay down their lives that others might have life, hope, beauty, faith. Maybe right when you despair, you are living the most holy season of your life with the possibility of changing the world for eternity. Who would want you to give in or give up, Satan or God?

This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice, be glad in it, plant a flag of faith that says, I will not give up today.

Maybe today, you are writing your place into the hall of faith in Hebrews and your children will call you blessed. Most of the heroes throughout history did not know they were living lives that would be heralded as great. They just lived lives of integrity and made courageous choices that others were not brave enough to make.

Just remember, faith is profoundly more important than fitting in, or being conformed to this world.

"I have felt alone for so many years, I am not sure I can keep going with my ideals. I need someone who understands, I need to know I am making the right decisions."

This letter verbalized the feelings I had many times--often in the dark of night when despair or fear threatened to smother me.

On this day,..., tears spilling over from my eyes wetting my face, my throat becoming so thick I could barely swallow, deep sobs welling up from some place deep inside, found me sitting alone in the darkness of a late afternoon home alone, wondering if my life had mattered, again.

This happened often through the years. "God, do you see me? Do my choices of faith mean anything? Does my effort matter? God, I just wish I did not always feel so alone, with no one who cares about me personally."

Often, I would find myself amidst a fire burning in my heart when I read scripture and wanted to live boldly for my precious Jesus. I would feel convictions deeply inside me, swelling my heart. Yet, even amidst feeling so strongly that I wanted to follow God and do what He wanted in my life, my family, with my children, I would feel the pain of doubt swell over me.

"Why don't others feel the way I do? What do they not come to the same conclusions? Are they reading the same Bible? If I am believing the right things, shouldn't I be able to find others with my ideals?"

"Why has our world, our people gone mad? What am I to do?"

So often, and even in the past couple of days, I get notes from sweet women who doubt their decisions. for years they have worked to exhaustion and wonder if their labors of love and serving others have made one whit of difference. There is a feeling that they can't keep going.  Often doubt and insecurity comes because other Christians question their idealistic lifestyle or their decisions that separates them from popular culture.

How often I have doubted my own decisions in the midst of exhaustion or discouragement. We all have our critics if we are trying to live a life committed to God and committed to His holy values.

Often, the very discouraging circumstances or the difficulty of a high calling can seem wrong when we forget that it was God who called us to our Biblical ideals.

Culture will always give us permission to compromise our lives, as the cultural voices have always done through out the centuries.

As fallen people, many do not like to be called to a "very high calling" because it means we have to sacrifice, be the odd one out in our cultural circles.

Depression

Doubt

Fear

Despair

These are common amongst the heroes of faith in scripture. You are not alone in your feelings, you are in good company. But the decisions you make in darkness will become the reflection of your faith in a God who promises to be faithful. It may take longer than you think to see His goodness lived out--but faith says you believe you will see His goodness come like the rising of the sun.

Loneliness is another common feeling in Biblical history, and  seems to be a part of the journey for many in scripture when they were living for God and His kingdom.

Even now, I have begun to realize in my 60's, that I may always feel that hollow hurting in my heart, the longing for others who seek after Jesus and want to live passionately for Him, and for a close by friend to walk side by side with me.

Godly friends feel sometimes few and far between--those kindred spirits walking the same path, in sync with our feelings and convictions.

I am understanding that often, loneliness is the companion of those whom God has called to live an idealistic or holy life--but not a sign of living life wrong.

I do not feel better than others who disagree with my decisions, as I know my weaknesses. But when I read His word and pray, I have this desire, this fire that wells up and I want to do more, be more, write more, be a redeeming part of His spirit--it drives me toward His Holy ideals. The Holy Spirit plays the role in our lives to remind us of what was on the heart of Christ, to convict us, to encourage us to righteousness.

The drive to seek God and to be hungry for a more righteous place comes directly from the Holy Spirit--Christ living through us.

The word holy means to live a life set apart for God--for His purposes, for His kingdom and for His glory.

As I have pondered the whole idea of being alone amidst ideals, I have found plenty of Biblical models to give me encouragement.

My desire in writing this article and doing this podcast is to say,

stay the course, be faithful, find a way to rest, to become encouraged.

If God has driven you to a course of high ideals, then you might just be called to play a great role in the heavenly hall of faith with others who felt alone while they were living stories of faith.

Consider these:

Elijah was called to be a prophet in very godless times when Jezebel and her husband, Ahab, were leading all of Israel astray--even the  so-called prophets of the gods. He gave and ministered and performed miracles and engaged in spiritual battle, finally defeating the prophets of Baal. But at the end of his great faith accomplishments, Elijah, exhausted, ran away. He said it would have been better if he had not been born.

He ran away--and God gave him rest, touched him, fed him, because God knew he was totally drained living amidst such strong spiritual warfare. (I Kings 19:4)

Job was chosen by God to be tested by Satan because he was the most righteous man who lived on the earth and he was pleasing to God. As a matter of fact, when Satan found Job, he was seeking God, offering sacrifices and praying for his children--he was also a great parent. (Job 1:5) Yet, Job was allowed by God to be caught right in the middle of spiritual battle because God trusted that Job would be faithful to him even amidst trials.

Jeremiah, the great prophet, was depressed, discouraged, felt alone, and wondered if God was listening to him, when he was proclaiming the truth of God to the Jewish people in His generation. (Lam. 3: 1, 5, 8, 14, 15, and more.)

Mary, the model of faith as she excepted what the angel told her about becoming the mother of the son of God, responded to Him, "I am your bond-slave. Be it done according to your will." Her faith was willing to allow God to work to his fullest. Yet her life was filled with difficulties, the loneliness that comes from being a refugee in a foreign country, and then the heartbreak of seeing her own son crucified on the cross by the Jewish leaders. (Luke 1:38)

John the Baptist, passionate, calling for holiness and repentance in a world that was more concerned about man-imposed rules and wisdom than a heart for God. Died a lonely death in prison--yet Jesus said there was not a more righteous man on the face of the earth.

Jesus, the son of God, the very representation of God as we are told in Hebrews 1:3, was ostracized by the very leaders of His own people. He was questioned, called a fraud and killed by a violent death. Yet, he was perfectly righteous.  Even Jesus, in his prayers before death said, "If it is your will, take this cup from me. But not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

So, what about you? Do you doubt yourself? You are in good company, because many heroes of the faith spent days in doubt, fear, loneliness, insecurity. Yet they were the ones who were making the story of Jesus real. Jesus did not pick perfect people, but those willing to live by faith.

May an angel of God, the Holy Spirit and the love of precious Jesus touch you today, encourage you, give you rest, show you His love. You are a delight to Him and your story is going to be told through all of eternity, that when you had the chance to compromise, you chose to love Him, dance to His song, wait on His timing, stay fast in righteousness--even while alone.

And because of your faithfulness, all of those who come into your life and into your home, will learn the ways of faithfulness by watching His life spill through all the days of your faith lived and love given.

May your home, today, this year, be a picture of His faithfulness lived through all the days, in a fallen world, of those who had faith enough to believe in what they hoped for, standing on convictions of what they could not see. You are God's heroes and today is your glory--even if the world does not see or understand, angels rejoice in your choices of faith.

Today, you can also find me writing at TheBetterMom.com about freedom from legalistic standards.

The LifeGiving Home {April, May, and June}

Spring is just around the corner and it's the perfect time to begin planning to create some fun, new traditions for your family!

April: Heritage of Faith

One of the most important habits or tradition we hold to is getting into God's Word daily. We do a devotional in the morning and read through a chapter of the Bible in the evening together.

Sarah's chapter for April on A Heritage of Faith is so crucial to the foundation of everything else we do.

Spring is a season of renewal and new birth. It's such an ideal time to revisit or begin the journey of building up faith in our children. Oftentimes, I think we overcomplicate this and believe we have to do some elaborate things, and because that seems overwhelming, we can tend to do nothing. Don't fall into this trap.

Building up faith in our children only requires we be intentional and maybe a little creative.

I am very particular about what Bible study tools and devotionals I use with my children and I just rotate through them.

Along with breakfast devotions and evening Bible reading, you can involve your children in whatever ministry you are involved in. For 10 years, my husband and I were youth pastors/leaders and we simply brought our children along in what we did.

Building a foundation of faith doesn't mean you or your children will never stumble. This is the whole purpose of the Gospel and how we help our children understand it!

Teaching our children to be loving doesn't mean they will always be loving. Making the tradition of praying together doesn't mean you won't ever miss a day or that missing a day makes you a failure. Not at all! We keep running the race everyday!

Sarah shares some of the traditions they made in their own home and while you don't have to adopt them exactly, they are a great starting point and you can adapt them as you see fit for your own family.

The truth of the matter is that no matter how far along the path of faith we walk, the reality of fallen human nature will always get in the way of perfection. -Sarah Clarkson

May: Days to Commemorate

It's so fun to be able to celebrate special days and milestones within families. And of course they can be as simple as making and sharing a special meal or giving a gift. If you have children in sports or dance or other recreation, celebrating their accomplishments helps them build confidence, encourages and honors them.

Of course, your children don't need to be gifted in the arts! There are all kinds of areas our children can be celebrated. Maybe they are a profound speaker or builder or writer. How can we, as parents, encourage, support, and celebrate them in their areas of giftedness?

These journey markers reminded them to walk in His ways and to be faithful to His role in their lives. Stopping our normal activities of life to commemorate a special day or person can play the same role in our lives. It brings honor to the person or event and highlights significant accomplishments. It also reminds us of the many ways God has guided and helped us and of our responsibility to both live for Him and uphold others as they try to do the same. -Sally Clarkson

June: Times of Delight

Play, valuable play, can often be overlooked as a time waster. I assure you, play is invaluable for children. Make believe, fort building, dolls, trains, Legos...these are all excellent ways to help children's brains develop and also helps them relieve stress.

Play is the way children learn. By setting the narrative of life in the relatively safe world of play, they discover how to interact in real-life situations and embody character qualities fitting for great people. In the process, they expand their palettes of imagination, curiosity, and intuition. -Sally Clarkson

Living in the age of technology has actually robbed our children of creative play. When television and video games and the Internet bring such instant gratification without having to make the brain work, children struggle to learn how to really play.

That's not to say these things can't have any place in a home, but they should definitely be limited.

I've found that when we keep TV and games limited to the weekends, it helps my children focus better on their school work. This evidence has been proven over and over again in my own home (with seven children).

So, if you find your children are struggling with focus and concentration, it may be time to scale back on the television and electronics and encourage more creative play. With the warmer weather approaching, outdoor activities are great for exercising the body and freeing the mind. Endorphins work wonders!

Instead of an evening movie one night, try a family board game or card game.

Remember, play is productive!!

What did you gain from these last few chapters? What will you add or change in your own home this spring?

Christin Slade

Stories Shape the Imagination that Feeds Faith & Heroism

Snow swept the pines and peaks out the windows of our Colorado home, but we were warm round our fire inside, about to use the wintry storm as an excuse to take the afternoon for one of our favorite activities: reading aloud. That day, we were deep into a reread of Narnia, imaginations alight with fauns and lions and dancing trees. We sprawled on couch and floor, or curled in a blanket by the fireside, sketchbooks in hand, hot chocolate nearby, and together we formed both soul and mind by the power of the beautiful stories we read.

Clarksons and books go together. You can’t really have one without the other, and our home is a place crammed with the books we loved. The shared stories of our home, the evenings of read aloud, the picture books we all first knew, have a power to create both camaraderie and identity that I delight in to this day.

Camaraderie first: I have often pondered the special power, the heightened delight of stories when they are shared. In the same way that a week’s visit at a friend’s home brings you closer than any number of coffee dates or bump-ins at church, the sharing of a story accelerates the comradeship of souls.

When people inhabit a realm of imagination together, it is inevitable that a bit of their own imagination and spirit are revealed to the others who sojourn with them in that marvelous place.

I think I am especially aware of this because of the way that stories have helped me to be close to my siblings, shaping our history, our memories, even the language we use to talk about life to this day.

When I think back over my childhood, I realize that many of my favorite memories come from the sharing of stories.

My Dad reading Patricia St. John’s Treasures in the Snow aloud, we four kids piled all over the living room at night, drawing, fiddling, and inevitably begging for one more chapter. The sibling fit of Scottish enthusiasm during which we kids took it upon ourselves to read Stevenson’s Kidnapped  aloud in the afternoons, and got swept into the drama of Jacobite Scotland. We’d finish our chapter and gulp the last cup of tea and head out for the mountains to enact the adventures we had just read aloud.

The hot chocolate dates I made with my sister when she was just learning to read so that we could savor A Little Princess together. The countless books my Mom read aloud to us in mornings of study (that didn’t really feel like school at all), The Winter Cabin, The Trumpeter of Krakow, Rilla of Ingleside, Carry On, Mr. Bowditch. The stories we read within the community of family made a common thread of thought and viewpoint that I share with my siblings to this day.

And then identity. I have written at length in Caught Up in a Story about the power of story to form a child’s perception of self. To encounter heroes or heroines in imagination is to begin to imagine the possibility of becoming one as well. Stories form the way we understand courage, truth, kindness, and love. In our home, great books were an integral part of the way we formed ideals and gained a sense of identity as people who, together, wanted to be the heroes and heroines in the stories of our lives.

The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a particular favorite. It’s not uncommon in my house to hear someone refer to Frodo, the elves, or Gandalf as part of a deep spiritual observation or to make a solid point. Middle Earth is talked about almost as if it were a real place. We think about ourselves and our lives in terms of “fellowship” and “quest,” and talk about making a Rivendell of our own. But other stories shaped us too; we talk about loving Aslan and God being “not a tame lion,” and the minute anyone brings up the subject of grace, the name of Jean Valjean is sure to follow (from Les Miserables , another family favorite.) The stories we shared provide our metaphors for living courageously and well.

After my Christmas visit at home this year, I found that stories once again, were foremost in our family conversation. Because a story experienced together creates a small and vivid world of fellowship. Stories reveal the souls of those who share them and knit them together for life. And a home crammed with just such stories… well, it becomes a great story itself.

Get our recommended book list in our new book and read about our traditions of read alouds to build brains, hearts, morals, souls and consciences.

Special books, movies and music uniquely listed in the above book, The Lifegiving Home Experience--and places to write down new books.

Traditions and stories built around books and read alouds in The Lifegiving Home. 

Happiness That Comes from Liking Yourself: Living Beyond Self-condemnation

Snowflake Bently

"My kids could never be like your kids," a young mom said to me at a recent conference.

My answer was, "I hope not--they were made to live fully into the extraordinary design that God gave them."

God did not give me children who fit into cultural boxes. Two are introverts, two extraverts, all with differing personalities, preferences, strengths, weaknesses--and yet all so very precious to me. Why is it we want to our children to conform to the cultural expectations of others and why would we compare ourselves to others, when God created us to be different than every other person ever made?

Condemnation must always arise from comparing ourselves to others. We can never live up exactly to the expectations of others because we were made to please only one--our heavenly Father. And we please Him by resting in His love, living in the freedom to be who He made us to be.

There is great freedom and happiness that comes from liking ourselves, accepting ourselves as we are and living in the grace we were created to experience every moment of life. When we compare ourselves to others we will either judge ourselves to be superior and become pharisees in our hearts or we will find ourselves falling short of their standards and live in condemnation.

So often, I meet precious ones who feel that they are a failure or somehow inadequate in their roles as believers, as mothers, as wives, as human beings. All of us fail and cannot be perfect no matter how we try. Remember God says in Psalm 103, he is mindful that we are but dust. He understands our limitations--and that is why He came to redeem our lives.

However, if we live fully into the fact that He loves us unconditionally, that nothing can ever separate us from His love, (Romans 8:31-32), that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, (Romans 8:1), then we can live into the freedom of who we are, as we are, and breathe grace and peace every moment of our lives. We are in process, little by little, given a whole life in which to grow into the likeness of Jesus, bit by bit.

Galatians tells us, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."

We are told not to live by someone else's false standard for who we should be because to compare brings a yoke of slavery.

Last year, searching through piles of books amidst Christmas music and crowds, I was seeking a book worthy to add to the library of my children's homes and apartments. Each year, I have tried to find a book that would uniquely express something of my heart that they could keep in the form of  message found in a book.

A lovely, limited print book of the photography of snowflakes captured my attention. Each photo displayed elegance of design, perfectly crafted and equal sides, shapes, contours, delicate twirls and corners. Yet, each flake was absolutely unique, extra-ordinary from every other flake. As I began to read about these lovely designs, I found that no two are alike--and that no scientist has ever been able to find out how to imitate the creation of snowflakes.

Who could compare the elegance of a snowflake and say one is superior to another? Or one was better when all are beautiful

What a reflection of an attribute of God's artistry in creation. Diversity is at the core of all that He creates--no two alike, all their own magnificent song, none to be compared because of the intrinsic beauty in each one.

As I pondered this over the weeks ahead when we peered through all the pages of the books I bought each one as a Christmas present to place on their shelves, I thought anew about how this truth of God's design applied to us as humans--no two alike, no one that we are expected to be like--God sees each of us as uniquely beautiful.

Great freedom comes from accepting ourselves as we are--all of our unique quirks, preferences, personality--loudness or quietness, large or small, whatever defines us as we are.

When we accept the fact that God made us uniquely, separate from any human that will ever be born, we understand that He does not fit us into a box where we must conform to the expectations of others. Instead we are quite free to be ourselves as we seek to know and understand His love, His righteousness and wisdom that He will reflect through our unique personalities.

Elegant and complex by design, each of us has a unique possibility of reflecting God's amazing creativity if we live and breathe His freedom and grace into the oxygen of our hearts every day.

Our children will be free to develop at their own rate, to become who they were made to be, to blossom as a unique picture of God's reflection through them only if we accept the unique design God has given them.

Join me today as I talk about why we often live in self-condemnation--and how to live beyond the boundaries of other's expectations and into the freedom of being ourselves in motherhood--grow little by little, choose joy daily, live in grace moment by moment.

Share the podcast and subscribe and share the community of encouragement.

Is your home a place where your children are encouraged to be themselves? Accepted with the personality that God gave them?

Is your home a place where people are affirmed and loved with their stories and baggage as they are because the love of Christ is the standard for relationships?

Are you a conductor of the magnificent love of God through you so that all who come inside the walls of your home may encounter His boundless affection for us His children, and live to learn about His redemption through all the seasons of life?

Is your home a place where "I'm sorry. Forgive me?" and "I love you so much just as you are, you are a blessing to me," is spoken often because we have grown into a place of understanding His mercy and grace for us?

Of course all of these places of accepting His grace and freedom is a journey from our own feelings of inadequacy to the rest that comes from knowing He desires us to know His compassion and grow in knowledge of His grace little by little every day.

Today, live forward into the elegance of His design of you. Breathe in His unconditional love. Believe that who you are as you are is precious. Celebrate this freedom in your home every day.

Be free inside your walls at home to be yourself, and to relax in His acceptance of you as you grow from your own toddlerhood of life, toward maturity in Christ, with His hand of blessing leading you and blessing you.

Breathe grace into your home today--find the Lifegiving Home HERE.

The LifeGiving Home {Jan, Feb, Mar}

January and February (especially February) can be dreary months when stuck inside from the cold of winter. I'm from Michigan so this is definitely true here!

I love the feel of January, though, because there's sense of something new and refreshing. The feel of a new beginning and fresh goals. Yes, I am a goal maker!

Originally, my word for 2016 was Rhythms. But as I continued in the weeks, I realized I was going and going and going nonstop and I was burning myself out. The last thing I needed was something MORE to do. So, my word changed to two words: Practicing Rest. There is still a rhythm to this and that is to practice it, even a little bit, everyday. So, I guess you could say I'm practicing the rhythm of rest.

Rhythms, Routines, and Rituals

Sally shares some excellent rituals to strengthen or include into our own rhythms. Everything from devotional routines and meal time routines to cleaning routines to the reading-hour routine. We probably all do these in some capacity. But what can we do to strengthen them? What can we do to make them unique to our family? Special particularly for them?

There is no one right way to live life in a home. No one size of routine or rules or order fits all. Homes with young children will be quite different from a single-adult home. Elderly adults will order their lives by different life rituals than will single adults, young marrieds, or university students. But the more carefully we plan our days, the better our homes will provide us with freedom and enjoyment as well as purpose and accomplishment.

Familiar rhythms and routines give structure that provides leadership and personal care to all who live there. When children and guests know what to expect, they also know how to ask for their personal needs to be met and understand what part they play in the life of the home. -Sally Clarkson

Growing Lifelong Relationships

The whole reason for creating a life-giving home is to cultivate and nurture the relationships under our roof...whether they live there or come in for a visit.

While setting the atmosphere is a start, the key to a life-giving home is really the building of relationships. Taking the time we need to cultivate those relationships and not allowing the details of everyday life to get in the way of that.

I love what Sally says regarding the building of relationships throughout this chapter:

In taking time to build close relationships, we learn that people are more important than things or material possessions.

Our lives become what we live and model.

The way we use our time will help others know that building a relationship requires a commitment of time and sacrifice.

Sally also goes into some of the most foundational and practical ways to express love, beginning with good manners.

Teaching good manners has become somewhat of a lost art today. Yet it's the most basic way to show love to others, by honoring them through simply being polite and courteous.

She also shares some of the most practical ways to say I love you, including:

• kindness and sympathy
• focused attention and time invested
• words of encouragement and affirmation
• serving others
• saying "I'm sorry"

Other ways to express love can include the celebration of birthdays -- not just the day itself, but celebrating the person and making them feel special and valuable. These celebrations don't need to be fancy by any means!

As our family has grown, we've done away with large, elaborate birthday parties and have instead kept the celebration inside the family and a few close friends.

We will all go out to an activity of a child's choosing and I'll cook their favorite meal for dinner. After dinner, they'll open a few presents and we'll enjoy cake together.

Activities can include anything your budget allows. We've gone roller skating, bowling, put-putting, to the movie theater, to Build-A-Bear, even to the park! 

We've built many special memories through these activities.

What says "love" in your home? What more could you do to express love?

Caring for Yourself So You Can Care for Others: Make a plan!

"You can die early if you want to, but if you want to live strong and healthy, you have got to change your life choices," was the pronouncement I heard from my doctor.

In my mid-forties, I was burning the candle at both ends, staying up late, over-committing in projects, with the kids, and never saying "no" and it was catching up on me--taking toll on my health. I went on a long health fast, changed my ways, planned more sleep, ate more healthy, exercised more regularly, had regular quiet times, and took Sundays off. If I can't get something finished by Saturday afternoon, I put it on my schedule for Monday and take Sunday off.

Staying strong and healthy into my 60's was a commitment I had to plan and make. Planning to be strong inside and excellent of faith also required a plan. Now, at the end of 20 years of Mom conferences, I am taking time to rethink my priorities and commitments for the next few years. Only as I plan my life can I become most effective. I wrote about it a lot last year in Own Your Life. But I also created a planner for The Lifegiving Home so women could also plan and prioritize their ideals to live life intentionally in The Lifegiving Home Journey, hoping this book would help women think and plan according to their own family and their unique messages and ideals.

My first night home, this past Christmas, I had a lively discussion with my family regarding the creation of lists. Being a driven family in general, each of us agreed that we generally wake on any given day with a sense of what must be done, and how we want to accomplish it. Being a family well-versed in the intricacies of the MBTI (Meyers Briggs Type Indicator), we decided that Js (of which I am one) are more inclined to actually setting lists down on paper.

But that we all had lists of some sort, whether in our minds or on our calendars, was plain, and it reminded me afresh of how deeply I believe in the practice of planning life. By this, I don’t just mean a ticked off to-do list, but rather the creation of structures and rhythms that allow us to both accomplish what we need, and also to live in health.

Sarah shares some thoughts she has had on planning and priorities as she ponders her life from Oxford. 

Something I have learned very quickly in Oxford is that time is a precious commodity. I live on a schedule of 8-week terms, and this year find myself working, chairing a society, and living in community in addition to full-time academic work. If I don’t jot down a list in the morning, I am highly likely to miss the deadline for a paper, a phone call, or a meeting.

When I moved to Oxford, I got a handy day book and actually signed up for Google calendar. And for the first month or so, I was extremely productive. And highly efficient. But after five weeks of high-powered work, I was also exhausted, and realized that there was one list that I had entirely forgotten to make, one structure I had forgotten to add to my outline of life. And that was my plan for the care of my self - soul, spirit, mind, and body.

One of the fundamental plans I think is necessary both to the cultivation of an individual life and that of a strong and healthy home is a plan for the care of one’s self. This is not a self-centered setting of my needs above everything else, it’s the recognition that the high demands of a life spent in the creation of a home, the love of friends, and the accomplishment of work (whether the raising of children or the writing of papers) requires a stable, healthy person.

And the only way that health will be achieved is if that person provides what is necessary to keep their strength intact.

When I realized this, midway through my term, I sat down one Saturday morning (with a good cup of coffee and a bit of music, of course) to evaluate what I needed on a regular basis in order to stay physically healthy, spiritually centered, and emotionally stable.

For me, this meant regular times of deep quiet in which I could pray or think. It meant fellowship with close friends and connection with family. It meant enough sleep, and time to make healthy meals. It meant daily walks, and margin enough to read or write creatively. Each of these things were within my power to achieve. I simply needed to weave them into the rhythms I created on a daily basis in my home.

Home is the domain in which I have the power to rule. Within the confines of home (for me at the moment, a slim little bedroom and a good kitchen in England - yours may be quite different!), I can choose how I will structure, spend, and give my time. The rhythms I provide for my own self-nourishment and for the accomplishment of all I desire will determine either my exhaustion or my ability to live in a place of strength.

Nothing good in this life, home or friendships or writing or children, comes by chance.

We must choose, plan, and provide for the grace we want to create, the love we want to give, the joy we hope to cultivate.

In these late winter days, may you discover and form the rhythms you need in order to live richly in your home. May your planning ‘lists’ bring life.

Enjoy planning ideals and priorities by reading The Lifegiving Home and planning with The Lifegiving Home Experience planner. 

Support Nathan's New Movie: Finding Yourself While Losing Your Mind & A New Book

Nathan and me--my wonderful ADD, OCD, ODD, interesting, out of the box son, who taught me so much about life, love and beauty. He is truly one of my dearest, closest friends in all the world.

I am home at last and 20 years exhausted, I think, from all the years of Mom Heart Conferences. But oh so happy and thankful. What a run it has been. We finished our last conference in Dallas last weekend and now I am taking a breath to catch up on all the lose ends of the last few months.

One of the highlights of our conference this year was having all 4 of our kids with us. Nathan flew in from New York City.

We are so very excited to tell you we will be writing our book about out of the box kids and the moms who raise them.

Last year, he made his first movie, Confessions of a Prodigal Son and has sold over 60,000 to date. (You can watch it on Netflix)

Now, Nathan has decided to write a movie script and produce it  that will correspond with our new book, coming out next year. He hopes to encourage those who find themselves "outside the box" to understand that who they are, as they are, is a divine work of art--and that God has a way forward for each unique person, even with differences. Nathan wrote an article today to share a little of what He has been thinking as he is writing with me--and about the movie you can help to make a reality.

All of my life I have felt Different... partly because early on I was diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, ODD, and learning disabilities, and partly because the personality that God designed me with didn't fit into the "norm".

I was louder than most, couldn't sit still, and had a series of never-ending questions. Many didn't know how to handle my "out of the box personality" causing me to often feel alone, rejected, and "less-than."

But God, knowing who I was going to be, put me in a family, where I wasn't asked to conform to a mold, but was celebrated for my differences allowing me to finally realize that the things that made me "different" were the attributes that God wanted to use in my life.

It wasn't easy. But everyday of my young life, mom would spend hours reading, listening, and showing me stories of the great heroes who changed the world, who had their own differences and battles to fight. I love stories, stories were the way I was able to see myself and my insecurities as part of something bigger, part of something God wanted to use.

Now, as a grown man, who has dedicated my life to telling worthy stories,  I was recently inspired to use my passion for stories to show a message I think this generation needs to hear. This story will speak to any who have, for whatever reason, felt "different," "less-than", and have been tempted to give up.

My hope is that this story  will bring hope, inspiration, and a clear picture of the beauty with which we wre designed, even when we can't see it. If you or anyone in your life has ever felt "different" this film is for you.

Stories are powerful... Stories change us, connect us, move us, and inspire us.

But all too often, we live in a world that separates, alienates, hurts, and discourages us.

As a filmmaker, I believe we need powerful, quality stories of true love, sacrifice, hope, faith, and redemption to infiltrate this generation with the message God longs for us to hear.

Last year I released my first feature film-- Confessions of a Prodigal Son; a modern-day retelling of the prodigal son story. The film was made to offer hope to this prodigal generation, and since it's release into thousands of homes around the country, I continue to receive letter after letter of people who were touched by the message of redemption, and inspired to continue their journey of hope.

Because of this I have a new fire in me to continue creating the stories that tell of the amazing love and redemption God offers us.

After dealing with severe mental-illness my entire life and going through one of the hardest years I've experienced, God has gave me hope and engaged my imagination,  to craft a new story to through film.  Honesty about the hardships, darkness, and brokenness of the world will be addressed, but at the same time offers, hope and a path forward for others who feel different. The storyline follows a young man returning home after a traumatic event that shakes his whole world. In this place, he begins the journey to healing through fighting to see the beauty in the world.

It's my hope that all who see this film will be able to connect with the characters. Each one is going through hardship and each is deciding if they will make the choice to see redemption.

I am so excited to now announce we will be filming in September in my hometown of Colorado Springs, Colorado! We have already begun casting amazing talent that you have seen in films such as "October Baby" "Not Today." Even as I cast Kevin Sorbo in my last film, I will be attaching a surprise star to our project who will bring a wealth of talent and depth the film. And who knows, I might even make an appearance! :)

I am also so excited to announce that a portion of everything made by this film will go directly to suicide prevention charities, seeking to help troubled youth find hope.

But for this film to become a reality, for this story to have the chance to touch hearts,

Will you help me bring this project to reality?

We need YOUR help to bring it to life.

To make a movie you need everything from food to lights to extras to cameras. To make this particular film we need at minimum $12,000. which sounds like a lot, but when you're going up against Hollywood movies made for 12 million it's a pretty reasonable budget! Which is why we are so excited to get you involved in creating this project with some amazing rewards for those who are interested! We are offering everything from a call from a cast member all the way to having a line in the film or even becoming an official producer of the movie!

It means so much to have the prayers, and support of so many people who want to see stories of value created, and with your help we can bring this one to life...

Go HERE to find the kickstarter where I am raising funds to make this film a reality.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1408969248/the-art-of-finding-yourself-while-losing-your-mind

Thanks for very much. I am so grateful for the partners who helped make the last film into a reality.

Nathan, in a screen shot from Confessions of a Prodigal Son.

We would love to know your thoughts. Tell us what you think.

https://youtu.be/u-07Kr2G_bM

Times of Doubt: the Importance of Prayer In Our Lives and Theirs

Finally, it was quiet. The kids were in bed, the baby was asleep, and I was alone. Alone! It had been a very long and busy day full of housework, schoolwork, a new baby, long car trips, and the constant needs of a household of children and adults. As I slumped onto the den couch, I exhaled a deep and weary sigh that came from way down deep inside. It was met by a familiar voice.

"Mama?"

I looked around to see my 12-year-old "little" girl peeking through the doorway, her almost-young-woman face and teary eyes saying, Please, may I talk to you for just a moment?  It really is important.  I took a deep spiritual breath, reached down into my weary soul, and found a tiny bit of energy left that I didn't know was there.

"Come on in honey. What's wrong?"

Over the next several minutes, she poured out her heart about something she had struggled with for two years, a problem she just could not resolve. It wasn't the problem that caught my heart, though; it was something else she said as she finished her thoughts. "You know, Mom, sometimes I wonder if God is really real. My prayers seem to stop at the ceiling. I feel like I'm just saying words to myself. How do you know that what you and Daddy have taught us is really true?  How can you be sure you're not just believing in a nice story?"

That's when I felt a sense of panic strike at my heart. Sarah had loved Jesus since she was a young child and was unusually tender-hearted toward God for her age, so I knew this was a serious question.

I suggested that we pray. The prayer of my heart was definitely more for me than for her, even though the words on my lips were for her. Then we talked. My words of counsel to her were sufficient for the moment, assuring her that her doubts were not unusual, that God is big enough to work through them with her, and that her father and I were here to help her. We prayed and she went to bed reassured.

I went to bed disturbed.

In my time of prayer the next morning, I had to admit to the Lord that I was deeply concerned for my precious daughter. The panic I had felt the night before had become a gnawing fear. What if, after all my efforts, my children do not have a heart for God? What if I hadn't done enough to put them on the path of a godly life? What if they joined the growing list of teenage children, raised in homeschooling families, who have rebelled against God or simply rejected Christianity?

I agonized over these questions for a while as I conversed with God.

But I began to notice that the more I prayed, the more the fear ebbed. The more time I spent with the Father, the more at peace I became. And then it hit me—I was simply following my own best advice to Sarah the night before. God was reassuring me that my doubts and concerns were not that unusual, and that he was big enough to work through them with me.

By the time I said, "Amen," my heart was at peace. I had met with the Father, entrusted my children's lives into his hands, and been renewed in my spirit to remain faithful to my calling as a Christian mother. But I came away with much more than just temporary spiritual relief. I came away with a clearer understanding of how prayer fits into the picture of parenting.

When I pray for my children, it really isn't just for them—after all, God is in control of their lives.  It is just as much for me. My heavenly Father wants me to talk with him and to become a part of what he is doing in the lives of my children. More than all the things I do to turn my children to God, my prayer time is the most important part of my day because it is what turns me to God.

You can find a copy of my newest books here!

A Happy Home in a Hard World, Rhythms that Bring Life & A New Podcast

From the heart of Sarah...

The childhood image is clear in my mind to this day, and one I encounter afresh each time I visit home. In the new, blue light of morning, candles lit nearby, music playing softly, my mother is curled in the corner of the comfy couch in the living room. Her Bible is open in her lap, and a cup of tea (or coffee) is in her hand. She looks up at the sound of my footsteps, “good morning,” she smiles, and I come to curl up next to her on the couch. When I was a child, I’d look over her shoulder at the passage she was reading, and beg a sip of her coffee (which is where I gained my taste both for Scripture and good hot drinks!). Now, Bible in hand, I join her, continuing the devotional rhythm she helped me to create from my littlest days.

Quiet time. It is a rhythm, a heartbeat to life that I learned at my mother’s knee. But its only one of many I learned at her hands, set points within my days throughout childhood that steadied and calmed our lives and gave shape to our hours. When I think back over my childhood, the things I remember most are often the things we did daily, the rhythm or routines or rituals by which we structured our time, learned to progress, and kept calm.

The idea of creating a schedule may seem daunting at times. But I like to think of schedule as rhythm, a structured beat so that the music of creativity and relationship can flourish within the boundaries of order and rest. Rhythms give structure to the spaces and hours of home, showing the people who dwell there clearly when there is time to work, relate, rest, or create. They provide regular times for the most necessary things in life so that there is a sense of rootedness for those within the home. Rhythms give shape and form, work and rest to the world of home just as the seasons bring rhythm to the earth. They provide us with patterns by which we remember that 'to everything there is a time and season.'

My parents began our rhythms early. Quiet times were first, for sure. But breakfast together soon followed. Then chores. We had an hour of reading or quiet every afternoon. We had a 5 o’clock quick clean up hour so that our evening would be spent in (generally) neat atmospheres. We always ate dinner together. Tucking us snuggling into our warm beds with a blessing, a kiss and a prayer was another constant daily in our home. We had the rhythms of routine, but also of relationship.

One of the most formative times for my sister, Joy, were the bedtime talks she had with my mom. Without fail, my mom tucked her in and sat for awhile to hear about her day, to talk about her joys or fears. They laughed and cried, and those moments for Joy were her own sacred time, a time she could expect without fail. I had a similar experience with morning walks. Being pals with my mom throughout my early teens, I’d join her for dawn strolls  through mountains and country roads during which we had daily times of talking, sharing, crying, loving.

On a larger scale, we had weekly family film and pizza nights, teatimes on Sundays, discipleship times on our own with a parent - times we could count on to recur however busy the rest of the week. Whether chores, walks, or good talks with tea, the daily, set rhythm of our lives formed a structure by which we were able to live well. Having the foundation in place, the set points, the expectations, we were then able to move with greater confidence throughout our hours and days, however hectic, because we had rhythm to which we could always return. A heartbeat to our home that allowed us to sing.

Happiness in your home must first flow from your heart.

Read more about establishing rhythms in your home, and how to cultivate happiness in your own heart in The Life-giving Home Book

The LifeGiving Home {Chapters 3 & 4}

I hope you all have enjoyed soaking in the first handful of chapters. They really lay the foundation of why we should create a lifegiving home for our families. Today we are going to dig into chapters 3 & 4. Here we will see how grace and the very Incarnation of Jesus can be woven throughout our homes, our attitudes, and our service to our families, creating an atmosphere which sings of His grace.

A Symphony of Grace {Chapter 3}

We can choose to be the conductors of our own homes...taking the lead by establishing the atmosphere through serving.

Every home is going to be different in this respect. Sally shares her particular symphony and I just love how she has laid out the priorities for her own home inside chapter 3.

Welcome

"Adopting the attitude that every arrival at my door is a divine appointment for me to care for others, to understand and listen to them and to serve them a cup of cold water in Jesus' name, changes the way I see both my home and those who come in it."

Safety

"Having a place where we can shut the door to the rest of the world--where we can be ourselves, wail together, make mistakes, and live through seasons of growth--has been a grace to us. The closed door allows us to work on our inadequacies, our limitations, our personal struggles without the eyes of the public viewing our personal lives."

Knowledge and Wisdom

"Every table in our house has a place underneath where magazines and books are piled for the reaching. Baskets of books sit at the end of couches for grabbing spare moments. Literally thousands of books, magazines, audiobooks, devotional writings, and biographies, collected little by little, are scattered throughout every room in our house. Each one has been chosen as a source of inspiration and mind-filling strength."

Beauty

"Beauty is more than just pictures on a wall. It is also about colors that bring pleasure, smooth and nubby textures that reward the touch, the wafting fragrance of food in the oven that keeps us sniffing appreciatively, the comfort or excitement of music on the stereo. Beauty is found in the way we light the rooms, the books we open again and again, the way we arrange furniture and set the table."

Relationship

"Relationships are the core focus of celebrating life together in a place. The desire to create spaces for friendship, companionship, and fellowship influenced many of our home choices--even the furniture we bought, where we placed it, and how we used it. Grouping comfy couches and overstuffed chairs in front of the fireplace--not the television--is another relationship-based choice."

Nourishment

"Eating is not just about filling our bellies--or at least it wasn't meant to be. There is something about preparing food and sharing it that enhances relationship, builds community, even fosters spiritual connection. I believe every meal should be a celebration of life itself as we break bread and enter fellowship together."

Rest

"Bedrooms are not just for sleeping! Ideally bedrooms should be special places where each family member can pull away from all the stress, escape the demands, and rest, cry, journal, and dream away from the eyes of others. Bedrooms give sanctuary to souls and should be outfitted accordingly."

Which one of these stands out most to you to implement...or is there an element not listed here you'd like to add?

In my home, an important piece of "music" that adds life is to have a wide variety of high quality books and a ready source of good quality art supplies. Many of my children love to read and all love to create, color, paint, draw, craft in some way.

The Rhythms of Incarnation {Chapter 4}

Up until I read this chapter by Sarah, I never really thought of my home in the way she explains. I nodded in agreement as I read her explanation of Facebook being a distraction and her experiment to deactivate Facebook for 2 months makes me want to do the same (which isn't really possible for me since much of my work is done there!).

But, her idea to not check anything internet related before breakfast, now, that I could do -- and really, I should do. My first impulse is always to grab my phone or hop on the computer first thing to start my day and to be fairly honest...I don't love doing that. I would rather begin my mornings quietly or at the very least, presently, at home.

I love what she says here,

"As the days continued, the quiet grew. That one departure from Facebook empowered me to resist the Internet in general, and a hush grew daily within me as I rooted my consciousness once more in the world of touch, sight, sound, and breath. I found myself newly aware of the rhythms of light and dark. I felt a hush that beckoned me to look out my window and learn again the different moods of the pines in the dawn and the dark and the half light."

That sounds so incredibly lovely to me. As a mother with a house full of children (and 3 dogs), quiet is in short supply. But, subconsciously I add to the "noise" by starting (and often ending) my day on Facebook, or the Internet in general. It's no wonder I struggle to find peace in my own soul!

When I constantly feed myself from Facebook, I listen to all-the-voices. Consequently, I find it harder to hear God's voice.

She goes on to say,

"If we want to embody the life of God in our homes, we need to understand what God intended human life to be, and we also need to be aware of what distracts us from that intention or diminishes it in our lives."

And one last thing that really wraps up her heart (though the entire chapter is excellent):

"While there are certainly benefits to the world of technology, and while social media has in many ways increased connectedness, there are also profound ways in which the overuse of virtual reality and technological media is causing us to become mentally and emotionally absent from the present world of incarnational action."

I love working on the Internet -- I have for years! But there is always a downside to too much of anything and too much technology can throw us into information overload as well as giving us a constant expectation of instant gratification. We no longer know how to slow down because we've become accustomed to getting what we want and getting it now. 

So, my take away is that I am going to stop checking my phone or the Internet first thing in the morning. I want to breathe in the stillness as much as possible before the demands of all-the-things take me over.

What about you? In what way can you quiet your soul and return to being present with the people in your home?

Christin Slade