Bedtime Discipleship

I'm so grateful Kristen and I had time to record this podcast for you about bedtime discipleship before I made my way to Europe these past couple of weeks!  While we're both so busy, we always enjoy talking about these important topics and sharing our thoughts with you.  Thanks so much for your letters and comments letting us know what you're pondering and questioning as you listen along!

Bedtime discipleship is something that has been on my heart so much recently.  In our house, the bedtime hour has been a time of intentional reconnection with our children: a time to check in with each child to find our what's happening in their lives, to share positive words with them, and prayerfully send them to slumber with grace filling their hearts and minds.  Our desire has been to help our children lay down their burdens and have peace with us as their parents and also with God.

In the Psalms, David talks about meditating on God in the night watches.  And so we want to establish that same pattern in our children's lives.

Our first goal is to get them to open their heart to us, so we ask questions.  What emotions are on their hearts?  It's important to give them time to share secrets, what they’re thinking about, what's happening in their lives and with their friends.

When we end our days relationally and work to put to rest all the fears of the day, our children learn they can trust us in the dark when they’re older.  As adults we are always  run down at the end of the day, with so much on our minds; our children are that way, too. While it can be tempting to send them off to bed with a "goodnight" from another room, if we rush through this time we're afforded each night, we all lose.  Our children want to talk, get their thoughts out, and touch base with us.

This is the time to find out ... What’s your child’s heart condition?  Are they anxious, taking a long time to fall asleep?  Asking questions in the nighttime hours is really the best way of finding out what’s going on in the secret parts of their hearts.  As they tell us about what's happening in their lives, they can be led into more questions ... How does your conscience feel about that?  How can I help you?  Was there some other way you might have responded to that situation?

Let your children tell you their stories. Ask the leading types of questions ...  How are your classes going? What do you think about that thing we talked about yesterday? What’s new happening in your life?  What are you thinking? Who are you meeting? Is there anything you want to ask me?

Every night, children can learn to give God their issues, temptations, difficulties.  We can represent Christ’s forgiveness and understanding and his servant heart to our children when they bring up issues.

I am intentional during these moments to look into my children’s eyes so I can see what’s going on, having become a student of reading their souls through the lens of their eyes.  You can, too! It just takes practice.

It is so important that we put our children to bed with peace.  If you’ve been at odds or  had a difficult time of correction during the day, now's the time to discuss it and make sure the rough places are made smooth.

Make sure to pray with them after you’ve listened to the spilling out of hearts! Teach your children to lay their troubles down, to hand their worries to Jesus. This helps your children build a lifelong habit of laying down their troubles rather than ruminating on them or trying to manage them all themselves.

Finally, give your children a story or verse before you leave the room, so their mind can work over something positive while they’re falling asleep.  Remind them of something sweet they did that day, or when they were little, or perhaps paint a picture of something wonderful in their future, so there’s goodness and hope and fun as they’re falling asleep.

We've also loved leaving music playing in the room when we move on.  Scripture melody lullabies and Michael Card's Lullabies for Babies were popular bedtime choices.

The goal of bedtime traditions is to have a time of connection, resolution, and blessing with our children before they go to sleep. I hope you enjoy today's podcast where we talk more about this important time of day! Read more about traditions important to our family in The Lifegiving Home.

 

Find Beauty in Your Own Backyard

After the whirlwind of a busy conference season, which usually involves countless plane flights, hotels, and faraway cities, I find it such a relief to make that final trip back to our beautiful Colorado home, nestled in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains and surrounded on all sides by snow-laden pine trees. Relaxing by candlelight, sipping coffee, and listening to gorgeous instrumental music while sharing a dessert souffle' with my family is just the kind of rest I need after those busy winter months.

Each of us has our own puzzle of life to figure out, and we assemble the pieces with the grace God provides us in our need. My puzzle of a speaking/writing/ministry life has meant that by March each year, my body is in need of restoration and the rhythms of home.

In Colorado, March still clings to the chill of winter even as signs of spring begin to emerge. The persistence of cold and gray makes it that much harder to persevere with my normal responsibilities.

That is why I almost always take a break in March. The journey of ministry and homemaking to which I have been called is a long one, and if I am to make it to the end with resilience, I have to plan for adequate rest along the way.

It also helps, I’ve learned, to seek out beauty, especially on those long, gray days of March. I remember once that a friend told Sarah, my oldest daughter, that her love for beauty seemed a bit frivolous.

Thankfully I was able to share with her that we are all responsible to keep a light burning in our souls and that beauty is one of the most profound fuels for that fire. Creating a beautiful environment and appreciating the joyful moments in the midst of a fallen, sad world not only nurtures the light in our souls but also helps give light to others.

None of us is immune to pain and ugliness in life. Allowing ourselves to admit that truth and to recognize that our difficulties may persist for years can actually free us to be intentional about staying alive and awake to God’s goodness in the midst of it all. We all have to take responsibility for replenishing our souls, and God has given beauty as a watering can to hydrate the dry and shriveled parts of our lives. Just as God incarnated Himself into the world in the person of Christ, He wants to incarnate His life into our lives every day. Beauty is one of His primary means of doing that.

How do we bring more of this incarnational beauty into our lives and find refreshment when we grow weary? I’ve found it helps to be with people who inspire beauty in my soul and help me become centered and feel understood. These relationships provide a kind of soul sanctuary where I can stop pretending and most fully be myself. Godly friendships can act as human “cathedrals,” and when we enter into the safety of their love and support, we are enabled to worship God more fully in the beauty of His holiness.

We Need God's Refreshment

Walking down aged cobbled streets with the chill of spring air trying to make a comeback, resting in the comfort of one of my very  best friends, Joel, has brought back a sweet memory of when he was a little boy.

As we meandered amongst tall apartments, with ornate facades speaking of artisans of days gone by, we soaked up the "Morgan!" and nods from passerbys. Last week, we rested and lived mindlessly with the desire to restore in Vienna, Austria, where he was born.

This week, meetings, gatherings, personal appointments have brought me back to reality once again in Oxford, England. But the sweet breath of freshness of 3 days hidden brought some life back to my soul. And once again, I have a sweet memory upon which to dwell when I think of Joel in the years to come. The memory below was one when he was 7 years old and is still sweet to me today.

Take time to refresh today, and to make a sweet memory with one of your precious ones, even in the midst of a cluttered day. It will, indeed, pass all too quickly. But today is the day you are building your future best friends.

*******

The house was cloaked in quiet and the fading shadows of night that signal the coming dawn. I gingerly tiptoed through the living room, aware that the slightest noise could awaken a sleeping child. I quickly slipped on my comfortable, broken-in tennis shoes, quietly anticipating the beauty I would find on my private morning walk. It was wildflower season in Texas and I had never seen it so beautiful—pools of deep-azure bluebonnets blanketing open fields and accented by scarlet splashes of Indian paintbrush. I coaxed open the storm door, managed to stifle its annoying squeak, and sneaked out the final few steps to freedom.

I had barely set foot on the front porch stairs when I heard the soft voice from behind me. "Do you mind if I go with you today, Mom?" It was my gentle-spirited, easy-going middle child, Joel.  I almost never had time alone with him, so I quickly adjusted my expectations for a solitary morning walk, happy to have these few moments together with my firstborn son. "Sure, honey! You go get dressed, and I'll wait right here for you." Soon he was back and we headed out into the cool morning.

The road in front of our house was totally deserted, and the brisk morning air raised goose bumps on our arms as the gravel crunched beneath our feet, accentuated by the crisp silence. As the last vestiges of night slowly retreated, Joel's excited voice broke through the morning silence. "Look at that star, Mommy. ..the bright one! What is it?"  Never in my whole life do I remember seeing the morning star, but it seemed that God had hung it there this morning, radiant against the still black sky, just for our pleasure. I took advantage of a teachable moment to remind Joel that Jesus was called the bright and morning star. Like the morning star, he is a beautiful light shining in the darkness, a promise of the light of day that is soon to come.

As we stood there enjoying our star, it was as if the Lord wanted us to celebrate that moment with him and his creation. Within minutes, the sky began to glow in shades of pink and soft purple, and soon the beautiful star faded away into a blue expanse as the most beautiful sunrise I can ever remember seeing ushered in the new day. As my sweet boy held my hand and walked with me on that special morning, we marveled together at the creative handiwork of our Creator, refreshed for the rest of the day. The moment was stamped indelibly on my heart.

I need regular moments in my life like that morning walk, times of refreshment and restoration that refill the spiritual well in my heart, which is too often left dry by the spirit-draining hustle and bustle of contemporary life. If I don't take care to keep it filled, I soon find I have no spiritual refreshment to give to those whom God has put into my life, especially my always-thirsty children. When I let my well run dry, I am no longer able to be a source of refreshing water to them, or to others in my life. To say it more simply, I cannot keep giving out without taking in.

King David prayed to the Lord, his Shepherd, who "leads me beside quiet waters" (Psalm 23:2). Literally, he said that the Lord would lead him to waters of resting places. Shepherds know that not all waters are "restful waters."

Some are shallow, warm, stagnant pools. The good ones, though, are deep pools fed by flowing spring waters that keep the surface water cool, refreshing, and restorative. Such waters provide the very best resting places for weary sheep. That is where God leads us to fill our souls.

Where will you take time today to experience the beauty God has placed all around you?  How can you draw deeply from His refreshment?

You can find Seasons of a Mother's Heart at Amazon!

Seeing Mealtime as A Special Training Ground! (new podcast!)

What a wonderfully busy season we've had around the Clarkson home recently, as Sarah has come home for a visit bringing with her a lovely engagement ring, as well as her lovely fiance, Thomas!  We are quite full of excitement as we also are dealing with the new puppy, snowstorms (which are getting a bit tiring to those of us who have had plenty of them already!), and of course there's always a need for another meal to be prepared.  And then Joel and I head off to Austria and England, where I'll meet with many sweet moms in the Oxford area and then do a bit of wedding planning with Sarah when she returns.

Of course, with all this visiting going on, there's a lot of cooking happening around here!  Thankfully, the children have all learned to contribute to mealtimes.  Joel has become quite expert at making a wonderful, simple potato soup which we serve with crusty bread and a green salad.  Busy evenings might find us gathering around a table set with bowls of grapes and berries and popcorn alongside plates of bread, cheese, and sliced meats. These snack-meals are especially wonderful when we don't want a lot of cleanup!

While the necessity of making one more meal can sometimes be daunting, I realized many years ago that mealtimes actually offered an amazing opportunity to me as a mama.  The need to sit down and fuel our bodies is a wonderful reminder of the need to feed the souls within, and so mealtimes in our home became a wonderful training ground.

Several years ago, I asked both boys separately why they were anxious to come home from the places they were living.  Without knowing the others' response, both told me that our family feast times were what they most looked forward to.   When someone asked Sarah a few years ago, "Why is it that you believe in God?" She said, only a bit tongue in cheek, "I think it's because of the french toast with maple syrup my mom used to serve on Sunday mornings." It sounds funny, but mealtimes truly mean so much to our family!

We can see Jesus, Himself, using mealtimes to reach out to people.  Consider His turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana; the feeding of the 5,000; His provision for them at the Last Supper, and even one of the last stories we read of Him interacting with the disciples--when He called them to a meal of fish cooked over a fire on the beach.  In the future, of course, we look forward to the Wedding Feast of the Lamb, where we will all enjoy a meal together.

And so we made meals a priority, a special time of the day.  Even now, all my grown children ask "What's for dinner tonight?" We'll actually have a chance to light candles and sit around the table sharing our meal and be able to hear from Thomas about his home country tonight. Gathering together, taking time to sit down and listen to one another helps us learn more about each other.  Putting a priority on this time lets everyone know that we want to be with them; that their ideas are important.

Mealtimes don't have to be difficult or costly to be special!  Potato soup and a loaf of bread makes a great dinner, especially on chilly or rainy nights.  Tomato soup with herbs or yogurt or sour cream, grilled cheese sandwiches or toast, breakfast for dinner--all these are favorites which don't take too much time.  Buy things on sale! Or make a big batch of roasted chicken or hamburger, some rice or noodles and add a few more ingredients for a quick meal.

Keep your fridge full, ready for quick meals or unexpected company.  This effort is so worth it, because meals are such an important anchor in our days.

Use dinnertime as an opportunity to develop conversational skills. Ask questions, and teach your children to listen to one another respectfully.  Developing a habit of everyone gathering, everyone talking, over and over, every day, creates deep values and maturity.  While sometimes fidgeting happens and some discussions might be silly, or even become argumentative if you're discussing something controversial, deep friendships are being built even when that's not obvious.  Keep the conversation going and teach your children to work through those discussions.  It will be worth it.

Here are some areas you can focus on during mealtimes ... 1. Family culture: make meal time a fun family building time. Affirm the relationships of the family as fun and important. 2. Manners: this is a natural place to teach them how to handle themselves in the outside world. This is a skill that will serve them well. 3. Conversational skills: Ask them questions, teach them to listen politely to their siblings, teach them to ask questions. 4. Hospitality: have guests over and teach them to be considerate and polite. Teach them to value caring for other people's needs. 5. Responsibility: teach them to clean up and help. 

 We hope you'll enjoy our newest podcast on this topic!

For more lifegiving ideas about mealtimes, see The Lifegiving Home!

"Feeling" The Love of God Through Growing Close Relationships

Unwinding in my cozy little library, I was so engrossed in my book that I didn’t even realize the sun was setting. But then I was jolted out of my reverie by the familiar sound of my cell ringtone.

“Hi, Mama!” chimed the familiar voice of one of my adult children. “I’ve been really busy, but I just needed to hear your voice, to know that you love me and are thinking about me. You know, there’s no substitute for your words of love. Helps me feel closer to God somehow.”

I get a call like that nearly every day—and I make a few calls of my own. My children and I are a tight-knit group, joined at the hip, fast and dedicated friends. They all live and work in very secular arenas and are taxed to their souls on a regular basis. All four travel all over the world for their jobs and schools, have their own groups of friends, and function as reasonably mature adults.

And yet, wherever they go, it is very difficult to meet adults who hold their values, beliefs, morals. Intentionality in our friendship costs time, thoughtfulness, heart investment. Yet, our friendship grows deeper and deeper through the years because they feel a need for a touchpoint with someone who "gets" them and loves them as they are. Next to Clay, my children are my best friends, and we remain their dearest companions. But we are also the tangible fingers and arms of God to keep them in the circle of his love.

Because of back surgery, Clay cannot travel much. But he regularly sends me to places my children live as a "live" picture of our love, cheerleading and devotion to helping them stay fast in their faith. A part of our calling of "home" is to give our children a stable sense of the good foundations of what we believe and then to help them have reason to keep faithful to those foundations after they leave the physical structure of our home. Home is the place we build vibrant, life-giving relationships that last a lifetime.

So it was with Jesus and His disciples. Sharing meals, walking together on dusty roads, having exuberant discussions about theology, sleeping under the stars, sharing hopes and fears, and enjoying some good laughs in between it all—this was the nature of Jesus’ friendships. He wove His love and grace into the lives of all who were close to Him. And as a result they were energized, driven, and excited to spend the rest of their lives telling the world about their closest and most trusted Friend.

When the relational aspect is removed from faith, Christianity becomes a list of rules to keep, a dry obedience to abstract facts. The heart is left feeling perpetually unsatisfied. Over time, doubts and insecurities creep into our faith, and we may begin to develop guilt for not being spiritual enough. We start to hope that no one notices our failure, and—the worst consequence—we may even try to hide our dissatisfaction from God.

This is not even remotely God’s will for our lives. It is a lie of the evil one whispering to us in our inadequacy. Satan wants us to live in condemnation for all the ways we are imperfect in loving. The insidious thing is that the deceptive narrative is self- perpetuating.

It not only makes us believe that God just wants our obedience and good works but also makes us feel like failures when we inevitably don’t live up to those standards, and this causes us to draw even further away from God.

When we observe the lives of those closest to Jesus in His earthly life—the disciples—it becomes immediately apparent that they were alive with faith and hope. Even as flawed human beings, they were filled with a power that can come only from being loved and accepted by their Savior.

This liberating love is still offered to us. God wants to be as close to us as Jesus was to His disciples and to inspire the same kindness and goodness in our hearts. If we as parents can learn to embrace our relationship with God, we will be empowered to create for our children and anyone else who crosses our doorsteps a true culture of love—a home environment where the life of God is breathed through all moments and love becomes the fuel for living with hope, purpose, and expectation.

Ultimately, God desires that we instill in the hearts of those around us the same love that has been made real in our lives. That is the crux of discipleship. Our disciples—whether they be our children, our friends, or anyone else in our care—must eventually be sent out into the world as Jesus sent out His disciples.

When they have grasped the vision of the Kingdom and the King who rules it, they, too, can be world redeemers. But they need to be prepared. Jesus knew He was sending out His disciples into a world where they would often be rejected and abused. He taught them how to handle painful encounters and asked the Father to keep them from the evil one while they were about His business. And over and over, He infused them with His love and taught them to love one another.

Our children, too, will go out into an antagonistic, difficult society. But the power that will hold them fast to the ideals they learned at home will be the bonds of love and the deep companionship we shared with them, the compassion and kindness and grace we gave to them during hard times, and the constant reassurance that they are precious to us and to God. Whatever we have spoken into the daily lives of our children is what they will hear when they are far away.

The Power of Sharing Encouraging Words

"Sweet boy, I love your heart. I love your passion for life. I love your inquisitive mind. The fact that you ask questions so much means you have an active mind. I think you will become a Daniel in your generation, giving a picture of faith to many who do not know how to believe. And I am soooo very glad God gave you to me."

Nathan had been cuddling up to me, wearily leaning under my shoulder with big, sad eyes, as he spoke of getting reprimanded for talking too much in a class, again! So often, his bubbling up got him into trouble. But slowly over years, God had given me a view of his heart, beyond his behavior. I knew that deep inside, there was a desire to know answers, to live well, to be a hero--a superman in his lifetime. But God gave him a mama to draw out the hero that was inside, in spite of the little boy that could not control his tongue or his overactive body.

Encouraging and affirming words—words of life, as I like to call them—have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong. Yet I have found that very few people really take the time to say those words that all of us, and especially our children, long to hear.

"I love and appreciate you!" "Your friendship means a lot to me!" "I believe in you and in what God is doing in your life!" "You are special to the Lord and to me, and I am praying for you."

Thinking good thoughts about someone doesn't really bless that person. We have to take the initiative actually to say the words—in person, through a card or e-mail, or even through a phone call.

As I look to the life of Jesus, I see that he constantly blessed people with his words. He often spoke encouragement and affirmation directly to those around him or affirmed them before others.

To the woman who had been hemorrhaging for twelve years, he said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well" (Matthew 9:22). Even as his touch healed her body, his encouraging words must have healed her heart.

As Mary of Bethany sat at Jesus' feet, he spoke words to her sister that were obviously intended for her ears as well: "Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke10:42).  How good those words of support must have felt after she had just been scolded for her poor manners and faulty hospitality.

Jesus greeted Nathanael, whom he would call to be his follower, with strong words of praise: "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!" (John 1:47, NKJV).

And at least twice in the Gospels, we see Jesus pronouncing his favor and appreciation to women who anointed him. The first was a woman who was known to be a "sinner" (Luke 7:37-48). Jesus commended her in front of a Pharisee, which must have felt like affirmation indeed. The second time (which is mentioned twice, in Matthew 26:6-13 and Mark 14:9), Jesus commended the woman by promising her deed would be remembered "wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world" (Matthew 26:13). Imagine how she must have felt when he said that! Jesus truly had a spirit of appreciation, affirmation, and encouragement.

Jesus was especially careful to uplift and motivate his disciples with his words. From the beginning he spoke of their potential and their future, saying he would make them "fishers of men," that they would do great wonders, that he loved them just as the Father loved them. And he spoke individual words of blessing they never forgot:

"Blessed are you, Simon Barjona," he said to Peter, "because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it" (Matthew 16:17-18).

Now, imagine how special you would feel if Jesus himself affirmed that your insights were revealed to you by God. And then to have him call you a "rock" and say he would build his church on the solid foundation of your life—what confidence those words would inspire. What an anchor of hope it would provide in times of doubt to remember that Jesus had said such things about you. To have the Son of God choose you to lead his church would indeed be a solid foundation from which to minister. Such words would carry you through many a time of doubt.

Even on the last night before his crucifixion, Jesus built up his disciples with words of love, encouragement, and hope. All through that Upper Room Discourse, he poured out words of love, strength, and comfort that would carry them through the painful days to come and through their lives of service to him.

Words matter! They have the power mysteriously to enter our hearts and minds and lift us beyond the present moment into the presence of God himself. How important it is, then, that we mothers, shepherds of our children's lives and hearts, choose our words to them carefully. We must deliberately aim our words at their hearts in such a way as to give our children hope, faith, strength, and also to point them toward the redeeming love of Christ. We can become the affirming voice of God to our children, just as we become a picture of his redeeming reality in their everyday lives. In this way we extend the gift of grace.

Partially Excerpted from The Ministry of Motherhood, available here at Amazon.

Building a Long-Term Perspective of Wisdom (new podcast!)

I've been pondering the value of perspective a lot lately, and so decided to share thoughts on this important topic with you in my podcast this week!

Looking back over my life, I realize I hadn’t ever really thought much about being a mom.  I wanted to marry, but never really brought children into the picture in my imagination!  You might say ... my view of the future lacked some perspective.  Perspective is a word with a Latin root which means one looks through a circumstance to see something—to perceive something.  When we say a person has perspective, it means they are looking at the world from a proper perspective, able to understand life and the various aspects of every situation. When I speak with moms I realize most of us come into motherhood lacking perspective.  Perspective would have helped us to know that all children would need lots of work, all marriages would be unions between two sinful people needing God’s grace, that all lives would require a lot of faith and longsuffering and grace.

To me, faith gives me the perspective of seeing life as long-term journey. Proverbs 31 gives us a beautiful picture of what a woman with perspective can be ...

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

She looks for wool and flax

And works with her hands in delight.

She is like merchant ships;

She brings her food from afar...

She girds herself with strength

And makes her arms strong.

She senses that her gain is good;

Her lamp does not go out at night. ...

She extends her hand to the poor,

And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household,

For all her household are clothed with scarlet. ...

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

"Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all."

This is God's design for a woman with perspective! Over many years I've developed such admiration for Clay, my husband.  We are very different and both have our strengths and weaknesses and I know he appreciates what I am able to bring to our home as a woman who walks with God.

When my children were young, I used to feel insecure and guilty, sometimes.  I could feel like a victim when the kids made messes or when someone was very ill and it seemed to go on forever—too often, I found myself reacting rather than pulling up my sleeves and determining to have a good attitude and trust, to decide what my behavior would be even before the tough things happened.

The truth is, even if you sometimes are tempted to feel like a victim, God has given you great strength and you are truly able to accomplish much more than you think you can.  Jesus is praying for you. The Spirit is filing you. You can live in the grace of God! In order to do that, we have to study His word.

I taught my children Psalm 1 when they were very young.  It's one of our family favorites, and I especially appreciate verse 1:

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

Nor stand in the path of sinners,

Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!

In other words, blessed is the man who does not put him (or her!) -self in front of unwise people to receive counsel.  What voices are we listening to?  It goes on to tell us, don’t stand in the path of wickedness or evil—don’t tolerate those who walk that way.  Don't just overlook it or turn a blind eye and continue to spend time with those who are looking for life and wisdom outside and away from God's ways.

It also warns us not to sit in the seat of scoffers— those who judge and criticize; those who are cynical or display a denigrating attitude and caustic voice toward others.  That attitude does not please God, and we are told not to spend much time there, either, if we desire to develop a godly perspective.

Instead, we walk in the light of Christ.  We can ask Him to enlighten us, to give us His wisdom through Proverbs and the parables, and through the teachings of Jesus.  How does a woman gain perspective and confidence, and walk with dignity—all the things in Proverbs 31?  She walks with God and trusts in His leading in her life, and rejects the voice of the world.

Your pathway is a journey from immaturity toward strength, so you can be a woman who builds her house and extends her influence, who learns to teach the righteousness of God.

What’s your perspective?  Are you a victim of circumstances? Or are you aware that God is with you and helping you as you move through those things happening in your life to become more patient and faithful and strong, and model those things for your children?

 

Rhythms, Routines, and Rituals

I can still remember the day. After much deliberation my husband, Clay, and I decided we were going to purchase an empty one-acre lot of mountain land nestled against the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Thus began the daunting but exhilarating task of constructing our dream home.

Our Rocky Mountain “Rivendell” would provide us with countless happy and meaningful memories during the most important years of our children’s youth. But many pieces had to be put in place before that could happen. We had to choose a contractor to oversee the job. Countless choices had to be made regarding paint, carpet, flooring, fixtures, and landscaping. And before we could make any of those decisions, we needed a plan.

When architects consider a house they want to build, they know they must start with a well- crafted, viable blueprint. The blueprint will guide them through all the stages of construction from laying a strong foundation all the way through putting the finishing touches on the building. Even when plans must be changed—as they inevitably are during the process of construction—the blueprint helps guide the adjustments.

So it is with how we create home both physically and spiritually.

If we don’t have a plan, all the ebbs and flows of life will take us by surprise. All the resources we use to create a home environment will be used on the fly, without a sense of purpose and structure.

So what does a blueprint for a lifegiving home look like? What elements ought to be gathered and considered before setting forth on such a grand and daunting task? This process will look different for every home and family. Every family will set their own pace and find their own rhythms.

But as I have observed my own family and the families of friends, I have recognized a few key elements that tend to emerge in every family—things that, if taken into consideration while making a plan, contribute significantly to a positive home environment and help us roll with the punches when changes happen.

First and foremost, figuring out how to manage individual family needs is paramount. It’s easy to get caught up in the details and forget that the purpose of a lifegiving home is to nurture real human souls and bodies. Everything else is secondary to this cause.

God interacts with us relationally, as a Parent. He loves each of us and seeks a personal relationship with us. And the best way to create a vibrant life in a home is to do the same—to seek out each individual and relate to that person according to his or her hopes, desires, and needs.

Planning ahead is one of the best ways to ensure every person in the home receives a fair share of attention.

Letting our days just happen not only leads to chaos but also increases the chances that what we value most just won’t get done.

Certainly every personality interfaces with schedules differently.

Some people write out every portion of their day; others take a more general approach. What’s important is to invest in planning ahead of time to create space for what matters and to allow for those unexpected moments that inevitably come along.

My Sweet Friends Have a New Book--Pressing Pause!

 I'm so excited that my friends Ruth Schwenk and Karen Ehman have a new book out called, Pressing Pause! This set of devotional thoughts is the perfect pause to add to your quiet times.  Today, Ruth is sharing with us about ways to bring peace into our busy days as mamas. Welcome, Ruth!   

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

(Matthew 5:9)

I have four children ages seven, nine, eleven and thirteen years old, so sometimes it seems less than peaceful in my home. Every single day I scramble to spend time mothering my children, doing three to five loads of laundry, helping with schoolwork, cleaning, cooking, and balancing all of the activities we’re involved in. It seems we have just cleaned up from breakfast, and it’s already time to have lunch. Two minutes later (or so it seems) we’re thanking God for dinner.

Managing a household can be overwhelming, and it sure doesn’t seem peaceful to me. But Matthew 5:9 says, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” When I read those words, I’m reminded that I’m called to be an instrument of God’s peace everywhere, including in my home.

But there’s one problem—and that problem seems to be me. I often wonder, Am I the one who creates most of the chaos that happens in our day-to-day lives? We are called to be instruments of peace, but can’t we just as easily be instruments of chaos? Am I so focused on my own agenda at times that I can’t focus on what really matters?

Ouch. Those questions hit too close to home for me.

As a mother, I’m an instrument of peace at home with my family. God wants to use me to bring peace to my household and into my children’s lives. Oh, yes, it can be really hard! But by living intentionally, keeping the most important things at the forefront, I find my days look and feel drastically different.

When I prepare for the day by spending time with God, studying His Word, and praying, I am at peace. Ultimately, without God, we will not have peace.

When I’m nurturing the relationship I have with my husband, I am at peace. Our babes are watching and following our relational lead. If we love each other well, we will bring an atmosphere of peace to our home.

When I’m intentional with my children, I am at peace. We are prone to distraction, but our children need our attention. They need us to squeeze them, encourage them, teach them, laugh with them, read to them, and pray with them. We create a sense of peace when we engage wholeheartedly with our children.

God wants to use us to be instruments of peace in our homes. Will you bring that peace today?

Jesus, You are the Prince of Peace. Come and make your presence known in my home. Quiet my soul, right now, in this place. Reign in my heart and in my home so that this place can be defined by peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

To think about:

What is creating chaos in your home right now?

What can you start---or stop----doing today to bring more peace into your home?

Ruth Schwenk is the founder of and blogger at thebettermom.com where her and her team share about parenting, marriage and much more. She is a pastor’s wife, mom of four energetic kids, a lover of coffee, and dreamer of big dreams. Ruth is the co-author of Hoodwinked: Ten Myths Moms Believe and Why We All Need to Knock It Off. Her newest book, Pressing Pause: 100 Quiet Moments for Moms to Meet With Jesus, co-authored with Karen Ehman is now available wherever books are sold. 

Whether you’re juggling a career, kids’ schedules, and church commitments or you’re covered in spit-up and anxious about what the next eighteen years might hold, you can carve out a few quiet moments to rejuvenate your spirit.

Pressing Pause offers you a calm way to start your day, to refresh yourself in Jesus and drink deeply of His presence so that you are ready to pour out love, time, and energy into the people who matter most to you.

Lifegiving Home Encounters! Special evening events with Sally Clarkson & A New Podcast

As we’ve wrapped up our final MomHeart Conference season, my heart is full as I think about all the amazing memories and encounters our family has had with so many of you through these past 20 years. I love writing and sharing my heart through the written word, but my deepest joy is personal interaction and human ministry. It is what inspired The Lifegiving Home—both the new book, and my personal home over many years! The hundreds and hundreds of meals served, moments treasured, and memories made have confirmed to me the beauty of a life lived in personal giving. There is nothing so rewarding as sharing life with others and finding the joy of Christ in that encounter.

In the weeks since the last conference ended, Clay and I have been so very thankful for the many friends made, the memories lived, and the opportunity to be a part of a movement of God through moms all over the world. So, I pray every day about the next step. Let me know if you have any ideas.

I am praying about what kind of conference I will try to host next year that will be the most helpful and inspiring for kindred spirits like you! I am dreaming of more ways to reach, train and inspire women all over the world, to walk with God and to live a story for generations to talk about in the years to come. More books, more online conferences and podcasts, something coming in Spanish, and a mini-intensive in Oxford 10 days from now, and more more more! Praying about how to limit the ideas and about what women want to see happen--so please let me know your ideas.

In that spirit, I am excited to say that we are exploring a potential new venture for this coming summer: Lifegiving Home Encounters! I so desire to bring the personal ministry of our home to you, and these ‘encounters’ would be evening events, with an inspiring workshop given by me, replete with many beautiful slides  of our home, traditions, creative ideas, as well as a beautiful presentation of piano music from Joel!

We are thrilled to announce the first two of these events, which will be held in Raleigh, NC. We would love to have any of you join us! Click the following links to find out more details and to register:

A Lifegiving Home Encounter - Cary, NC - April 25th

A lifegiving Home Encounter - Wake Forest, NC - April 26th

Lots is happening in the international arena and I will be telling you more about that soon. I will be speaking in Oxford, England with 40 women in a mini-intensive. Clay and I have a  goal to eventually  have ministry conferences, ministry training for teams of women in different regions all over the world. And Oxford is a natural first choice with Sarah living there. (I must have an excuse to see her.)

Next, I will be in North Carolina with Joel, since so many who have attended conferences there have asked us to come back. Finally, a  private engagement in Philadelphia and then home! So pray God will open ways for me to speak, finally, in areas where we have never been able to host conferences. Hope to see many of you soon.

We have had many people from all over the United States request us for events, and so we are excited to see these evenings develop. We are hoping to find churches, auditoriums, meeting rooms and other similar venues. If you have an interest in hosting such an even, let us know. which would have a grand piano as well as the audio/visual setup to support powerpoint. We are currently seeking new events in the following areas:

DFW/Austin, TX

San Diego/Orange County, CA (we are possibly committed to speaking there in late June and could do another event when we are in the area.)

Denver/Fort Collins, CO

We might be able to consider one or two more regional areas if we were able to interact with a large enough group to enable the logistics involved in such an event, if we can fit it in this summer. If you know of a church or other beautiful meeting space that meets the parameters above, please let us know! We are so excited to bring the message of the Lifegiving Home in this new format and are seeking places where we might host our bigger conferences early next January and February.

For further information, please contact Joel at: mail.homeforgood@gmail.com.

We look so forward to seeing many of you at these new events!

And please let us know what are your favorite places where we are currently working.

(podcasts, conferences, blog, books, etc.)

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I think you will also enjoy my newest podcast with Kristin today, so don't miss it.

Civility, decorum and honor in our manners matter so much in the world arena in which we find ourselves. With so many embarrassing leaders, shallow, disappointing and vain messages all over media, how profoundly important it is that we train our children to be excellent in diplomacy, humility and graciousness. Today's podcast is how to train this into the values and foundational manners into the heart of your children.

We love it when you subscribe to our podcast at Itunes and also when you share it with friends. Help us get the messages out to others who enjoy having these online resources.

You can find these books at most book stores and you can also order HERE.