Rest is to be Found in the Love of God

"I feel like God is so disappointed in me," my friend whispered between sobs. "No matter how hard I try or how much I give, it never feels like it's enough, and I don't know what to do."

At thirty-two years old, she found herself empty and worn out. After serving for many years as a counselor to troubled teens, she married a pastor of college students and opened her home to hundreds of youth who were looking for answers to life's questions. Then, in five years she had two girls and one boy and little sleep. The guilt and inadequacy that had been bubbling in her heart for many years was finally boiling to the surface.

She'd grown up in a wealthy home, where the expectations for her and her two brothers had been very high. She lived under constant threat of disappointing her demanding parents and longed for their approval. When she was seventeen, after many years of fighting, her parents got a divorce. The foundation of love in her life was further shaken. The devastation she had experienced prepared her to respond to Christ's love when she first heard the message at a youth rally.

Even though she became a solid, faithful Christian, she still carried the baggage from her youth. She believed that God, like her father, was demanding and expected perfection from her. She held on to the lingering suspicion that she was in some way responsible for her parents' divorce, since she often overheard them arguing about her siblings and her. So she entered adulthood with an intense drive to please everyone— her husband, her children, her parents, and anyone she met.

"There are so many needs in the world, and I find myself feeling responsible for all of them! No matter how often I read the Bible or have quiet times, God seems far away, and I know it's my fault. I don't know if I'll ever be adequate enough or understand him," she said. Then she laid her head on her arms and cried quietly.

I didn't mean to be distracted from her sorrow, but next to her was her three-month-old, squishy, rosy-cheeked little baby boy smiling and grinning at me every time I glanced down at him. It was almost impossible to ignore him—and he engagingly called for a response as he grinned and did a jig with his little feet hanging off the end of his car seat.

"Kathryn," I said as I gently touched her arm. "Look at your darling, irresistible little boy." He unwittingly drew a sheepish grin from her tear- stained face. "How do you feel about him?"

"He's a bundle of fun and joy for all of us," she answered. "He brings so much pleasure to my life every day."

"Why do you love him and stay up with him and nurse him and change his diapers? Is it because he has been useful to you or worked for you or accomplished great things?"

"I would do anything for him just because he's my precious little boy and I adore him."

"That's exactly how the Lord feels about you. He has given you the gift of this child to show you how much he adores you. You are his, and he deeply loves you and will always care for you. It's not because you deserve it or have accomplished any great thing. It's simply because he is your heavenly Father."

She nodded slightly.

"Think about what David wrote in Psalm 103:13," I continued. "'Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.' He doesn't love you for your service. He responds to you because you are His child and He delights in your smiles. He is all loving, and He can't not love you—it's part of His nature."

Rest comes from accepting fully that God finds us precious as we are, because He is a loving Father.

Do you need this same reassurance today?  God has not changed.  You are His precious child, and He loves you deeply.

"This is the cause why we be not all in ease of heart and soul: that we seek here rest [and joy] in those things that are so little, wherein is no rest, and know not our God that is All-mighty, All-wise, All-good. For He is the Very Rest."

~ Julian of Norwich

May you rest in Him today.

Casting a Life Vision for Eternal Results: Own Your Vision and a Podcast

“Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, ‘Build houses and live in them; and plant gardens and eat their produce. ‘Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease. ‘Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.’ Jeremiah 29:4-7

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire!"

William Butler Yeats

"Mom, did you see the terrible disaster that happened in Orlando? Seems like daily there is another crisis in the news. I depend so much on my foundations to keep me steady in the midst of so much despair confronting me from secular media and culture." (This from one of my kids today.

Today, so many youth and college students regularly leave their faith behind, as they confront the world and its messages. Why, when so many good families have taken the time to build the messages and love faithfully? We are living in a time when there are battlefields on every side-morality is now relative to a person's feelings; integrity is rare, faith is soft and subject to the whims of cultural values, nuclear family is disintegrating, and foolish people are being touted as leaders.

Now is the time for us as believers to live for God's purposes, to live with eternity in mind. God has created each of us to have a part in this story at this time of history. How profoundly important it is that we take our roles as believers, parents, Christians seriously, that we might be a part of God's hands, mouth and heart to a world longing for true purpose and real grace amidst so much tension.

As I ponder this dilemma, I think there are two reasons. One is that religion cannot just be indoctrination of thought.

It must be a real, contagious message  about the reality of God that captures the heart, because there are so many messages screaming out to them in media.

And the second, is that we were born for community--aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandfathers, neighbors and friends--close by and living in common purpose and belonging. All of us, young adults especially, were built for relationship--love, affirmation, encouragement, belonging. And so we must build these two components as a visual and actual reality in our lives as much as possible--even if we have to build our own community with friends or those in our lives. The Life Giving Home was a book I wrote to seek to inspire women to understand how much our homes are lighthouses in a fallen culture where we hold up and celebrate all that is good, true and beautiful for others to see.

 As we reflect on the life of Jesus, we find insight for our "todays."

Dusty, rutted Roman roads were filled with clatter of wagons of market goods for sale, donkeys carrying burdens of farm vegetables, caged fowl squawking  and  horses mounted by  menacing Roman soldiers, mulling around in the noisy marketplace of Jerusalem. And yet, it was here, in this oppressed, unknown, seemingly insignificant hamlet that a worldwide revolution would begin that would rock the world forever.

An obscure teacher, rabbi over common fishermen,  tax collectors and humble women, would spark a fire in the hearts of those hungry souls that would turn the world upside down.

Those caught in the fray of mundane life longed for something more, to be a part of a life that held meaning besides grasping day to day for enough to eat, a way to pay bills.

And so, the secret, underground movement was ripe for the times in which it was birthed.

"Follow me and I will make you fishers of men."

Always, Jesus' message was about casting a vision that would capture the hearts and imaginations of men and women, their hearts were stirred and their fellowship around what gave them meaning together.

Always, always the message of Christ was missional--Go! Influence! Bring light! Redeem! Become a part of a movement of the Spirit of God blowing through the lives of people all over the world. Take over the darkness with your light--become redeemers! Still, today, amidst the mundane, hearts long to be ignited with the passion, purpose and influence that will continue to transform this world of darkness into a place of light and hope--and all of us have a part to play.

These were the transforming messages, challenges, vision statements.

And I would snuggle up on the couch, wide-eyed children squishing around me,

"Jesus has a special mission for each of you-Sarah, Joel, Nathan, Joy--to accomplish in the world. You will meet people that will need only you to be the hands, the words, the message of God's love. I can't wait to see how He uses you in your world!"

And they would wiggle, touch toes or push a little for more room, but each one heard their name associated with God's love and their story to tell, and they would shake their little heads in affirmation when I would ask, "Isn't it exciting to see how normal fisherman did miracles and helped people--just like you will do!"

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Jesus's words were sending ones, purpose-driven and fitting for warriors:

""Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves." John 17:15

"I do not ask that you take them, (my disciples)  out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one." John 17: 15

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9: 36-37

Will we pray for him to send our children, us, into the harvest field? Are we willing to go anywhere? Do anything? Are we arming our children with values for living for eternity and not just living for the temporal, this world, the material, that is corrupting as we live each day?

All children and all adults were made for a life of meaning and purpose. We were created to be message makers, healers, redeemers. There is a kingdom of darkness but we are people of the light and the light will overcome all that is evil, dark, meaningless and harsh. We are people of the kingdom and we are bringing that kingdom to bear every day in every act, every expression of our faith, every moment of our worship--because we have been adopted by the king!

If we find ourselves caught in mundane, boring, life-draining darkness, perhaps we have not been living in light of the kingdom purposes for which we are designed. You are not a mere human being caught in the despair of life---you are royalty, a child of the king, called to a purpose of bringing light to dark places, bringing love to the lonely and bitter of heart, of bringing forgiveness to those who feel condemned. You are announcers of a life beyond where the rule of Christ, our loving God, will rule forever and ever.

Often, people ask me, "How did your children stay strong in their faith in very worldly and  in challenging places? (New York City, Hollywood, Oxford, Cambridge, Boston) Of course, I must tell you, the basis of their strength is God and I was on my knees every day, praying, teaching about Him and cultivating to the best of my ability, a life of faith.

But truly, I think the secret was that their hearts were captivated by a vision--

"Jesus has a work for you to do in this world! You are very unique and special, because you have a story to live--just like Daniel, David, Moses, Joshua, Esther, Ruth, Mary, Hannah, Abigail were all heroes in their generation, so you were made by God to be a hero in your generation.Only you can live a story worth telling, but I am so very honored to be your mom and to coach you and train you for the great story I know you will live. I am so proud of you! I love you so much!"

How will God use you, Sarah, to shape messages? Joel, to craft music for His glory, Nathan, to write movie scripts that will show greater stories, Joy to become a teacher and discipler of young women---I know that you will be bearers of light and God will use you in your lifetime as a part of the kingdom rule He is bringing on the earth.

When you capture the fire of your own significance in the kingdom of God, when you know that as a mother, you have the ability to shape generations to become powerful leaders for the cause of Christ, then that vision will fuel the energy of your life to serve Him every day, whispering the secrets of the kingdom of God. Your fire will be passed on to those who will carry on the torch of faith.

But first you must kindle the fire in your own heart so that you will pass on the fire to your children. And it is best seen in community--the family that laughs, lives, shares, invests lives and hearts around the same purpose and celebration of life, grow from mutual community and vision.

You will never be perfect and your house will never stay totally clean and there will always be more dishes, fusses, messes--but if today, you are igniting the vision, filling the heart, passing on purpose, then today, a work is being accomplished that will be your lasting glory---that you were a builder of the kingdom of God in your lifetime and you armed warriors for His cause to take over the world for His glory with His messages.

We are not called to send our children into their lives just to be moral, good people. We are to be senders of leaders who have "caught" the kingdom messages that will transform the world!

Your unnoticed, obscure home today has a capacity to be a place of revolution and redemption when the Rabbi, Jesus, takes His proper place and whispers the secrets of the kingdom through you, His ambassador, all the moments of your day. The vibrant life of your little community will capture a vision and they will become, in the footsteps of those so long ago, the ones who are light bearers in their world who will tell the story of their King.

It is in casting a vision that a heart is captured for the life-changing messages of the kingdom of God. How will you Own Your Own personal vision for life that your passion and light will spill into the lives of others?

Hope you enjoy my podcast!

See you next week in Dallas and San Diego. We can discuss these issues and more! Hope you can join me.

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I have loved seeing your comments, getting your emails and notes on facebook. It keeps me and Kristen feeling like this is relevant to our friends online. Even though my life is so crazy demanding, and I can't get to every note, I do read your notes and pray for you and value every letter and message. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and to comment. It means so much.

Cultivating Community--a Key to Health (and Owning Your Life!)

cultivating communitysally

Recently, I was feeling quite alone and unnoticed in my life. I was carrying several serious burdens of my children and friends, was quite tired of working, and felt so alone.

A very loyal and trustworthy friend texted me, “I am going to be gone for a month. I need some Sally time.”

As we sipped the strong black tea we both loved from England, I poured out my heart’s issues. Out of compassion, tears came to her eyes. “I don’t know if you realize it, but I am praying for you diligently almost every day. All the things that are piling up in your life are indeed heavy to carry, but my life is similarly burdened, and I want to tell you how I have been seeing God’s goodness amidst my own personal circumstances.”

When my friend left, nothing in my circumstances had changed, yet I felt hope in my heart because of her words. Our friendship carried me to peace because she helped to shoulder my burdens and sympathize.

God created us for companionship with real people. We were born for community, love, help, encouragement, and the blessing and intimacy that comes from close friendship with others. Consequently, fellowship with like-minded women and men is essential to our spiritual health, and to our well-being in the Christian life.

A woman alone in her home, giving and being emptied on a regular basis, and dealing with her limitations -- plus those of the sinful people who dwell in her home -- is a target for discouragement, feelings of inadequacy, confusion and a sense of failure.

Having support systems is essential to our spiritual life, growth, health and pleasure. God intended us to live in a greater sense of family—to have aunts, grandmas, sisters, cousins, and friends who would surround us and give help and instruction to us as we learn to live life as moms, wives, ministry leaders, and friends.

In an isolationist society, we have falsely accepted the premise that we can “do it alone.” That belief brings so much pressure on one person to be all and do all!

Cultivating fellowship, friendship, and community may require you to take initiative, since isolation is the norm in this culture at this time.

Keep looking until you find someone more mature than you who can draw you forward in your walk with God. Find someone who is right where you are to share similar issues, ideas, and help, and also find someone younger in the Lord or at a younger stage to whom you can bring encouragement.

ECCLESIASTES 4:9-10 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their

labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one

who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

HEBREWS 3:13 (NIV) But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,”

so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

GALATIANS 6:10 (NLT) Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good

to everyone--especially to those in the family of faith.

In light of these verses, what action steps do you need to move on to create a less isolated life for you and for your family?

Listen to the Right Voices! Own Your Life & a podcast: Guilty no more!

Dark Clouds of life gather, but God says, Guilty No More!

(on a Colorado walk last week with my Nathan boy)

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.  He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

II Corinthians 3:5-6

The dark shadows played upon the window of my bedroom, as the sun set over the mountains. The darkness seemed to match my mood. I remember this day clearly because I felt trapped and wondered if I would truly make it through the rest of the years of my children being at home.One more move, teens in the house and a little girl who wanted to play with her beany babies, and a hormonal middle-aged mama who was worn to the bone, made for catastrophe.

There were many such days through the journey of motherhood and the fingers pointed at my heart accused me of the inadequacies and failures in my life.

Today, I am writing all the sweet mamas who are in this place and feel alone—as though they are alone in their feelings of guilt.

A sweet mama wrote me a facebook message recently and said she often felt guilty when she read my posts. I totally understand! We all have regrets and can feel like, "I wish I had known more!" But, most of us were not trained to be good mamas and had very few good models to follow, so often we muddle the best we can.

The reason I write this blog is to hopefully give some encouragement that I longed for when I was mothering my now adult children. I have learned a lot over the last 60 some years and if any of what I share can be of help, please let it encourage you--we can all move forward from where we are--with great hope, because of Him. So, I give you a part of my heart and how I have kept from staying in the mire of guilt and disappointment with myself over the years.

Do you ever hate reading articles where the writer always seems positive and Pollyannish? (Why? Because it doesn’t seem to match the reality of your own life and experience and it feels saccharine and unreal?)

Do you feel guilty for yelling and becoming angry at your children too often?

Are you regularly immature in front of your children? In marriage, do you become easily frustrated and can’t resist fighting with your spouse that you know you should love?

Do you ever wonder if there is any turning back? If you have been such a failure that it will be impossible to redeem your situation or child or marriage?

Does sadness fill your soul because of a prodigal or rebellious, angry child and you think it was all your fault?

DON’T STAY THERE! MOVE ON!

Perhaps this sounds pretty absurd—and heartless. Yet, I have seen that my  dwelling in self-pity and living in condemnation is an endless downward spiral. God does not want me to have a dark soul—only Satan does. (He accuses the brethren before the Father day and night!)

Everyone you know sins and falls short on a regular basis. (All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God!

All of these needed Him and what He died to give—redemption and restoration.

Heroes are those people who feel the same stress, fear, anxiety that everyone else feels in a terrible situation. But they do something about it—they act in a forward direction and do something to save the day.

So, you can be a hero—you are still writing your story—Yet you have to choose to live in forgiveness. Your story cannot have a good ending unless you decide to celebrate life right where you are and give your guilt, inadequacy, condemnation and then live in the freedom that He wants you to have.

All of us are broken and unworthy. We might express our weakness and sin in different ways, but we are all pretty petty, selfish and dark in our inner hearts. No matter how diligently we try to be perfect and especially to fool people into thinking we have our act together more than others, God knows. (And if anyone pretends to be righteous, they are fooling themselves and God—“

If we say we have no sin, we are liars and his word is not in us.” I John 1:10

In the same way we would not expect a toddler to live a life without making messes, crying, throwing a few fits, so God is not surprised at our incredible potential for messing up. In comparison to His holiness and perfection, we are mere toddlers—if that. “He is mindful that we are but dust.” Psalm 103

Guilt squeezes the spirit of life out of our souls! Guilt is destructive—and if he says you are not guilty, then for you to refuse His forgiveness and patience and grace is in Biblical terms—sin! To not live in His grace is sin.

(Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. Hebrews 3:12)

There was some point in which I knew I could not live in a constant state of guilt or self-condemnation. The more I read scripture, the more I understood that Jesus did not intend for me to live in that place, and moreover, it is a place of destruction.

A mama who lives in condemnation, guilt and a state of inadequacy is negative, depressed, harsh and down so often that it also becomes a drag on her children.

Somewhere along the way, I decided to put the load of guilt of all the ways I had failed into the file drawers of heaven and I marked forgiven over them. And now, often, when voices accuse me of once more blowing it, I just pray and re-give my state of guilt to Jesus and seek to stay alive in the freedom that He has provided.

These are some of the verses that helped me:

He separates our sin in our lives as far as the east is from the west.Psalm 103

There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, for the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1

It was for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

All of these verses and so many more, spoke to me of the heart Jesus had for us to know His love, His forgiveness and adoption of us into His royal family.

That is why His salvation, His love, His forgiveness, His indwelling, His commitment to refine us and to build us into the image of Jesus is such a priceless treasure—because He saves us from our dreary life of mistakes!

Easter is my favorite season of the year—because I am forgiven, I am adopted, I am new in Christ. And as a toddler, I seek Him all the time and expect Him to help me and to accept me into His arms. That is what I did for my immature toddlers. Could the God of the universe do any less.

But what to do with all the failures and ways I defrauded my children? That heavy burden of grief and sadness for all the ways I have failed?

“If we confess our sins, he is able to forgive us our sins.”

He is able.

He is able.

Do not accept the heavy burden of guilt—choose to live in your new freedom. Choose to put away the voices, the rule-keepers. Faith is a choice of your will.

Put aside the voices that you are tempted to listen to, that tell you of your inadequacies. Do not dwell in guilt. Do not cultivate anger or become a prisoner to bitterness. Own Your Life by listening to the only voice that matters--your heavenly Father who has adopted you. He says you are forgiven, precious, loved.

Believe that He is a redeemer—He can draw back those stray sheep—He loves them and especially wants to love and help you because you are a mama after His heart. He will redeem—buy back—all of those mistakes. Redemption is what HE does—he delights in doing what He was made to do. So don’t waste your time worrying—leave your failings and regrets in His loving hands.

After all, I think mamas are his favorites because like Him, they are laying down their lives for their sweet sheep.

May you live in the resurrection power today and each day till you see Him face to face.

I hope you enjoy the podcast. We so appreciate it when you share it with your friends.

Join Joel and me for a very special, more intimate time at an evening up close and personal. We will be sharing for 2-2 1/2 hours with music, stories, personal question and answer time and a talk from me to you about building a home with legacy.  So many at our conferences this year asked us to have some local gatherings so that they could bring their friends to hear some of the messages we share every week. Hope you can join us in Arlington, (Dallas, Ft. Worth), San Diego and Nashville. Register HERE for Dallas.

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Register HERE for San Diego.

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Serving Life Within Your Walls

“All people need a place where their roots can grow deep and they always feel like they belong and have a loving refuge."

Sally Clarkson, The Life Giving Home

At this point, we are looking at the month of October in our study of The Life Giving Home. However, this chapter applies to so many months in the Clarkson life. Having 3 of my four children home last week, I celebrated dinners, breakfasts and times on the porch and deck every day to open hearts, to make memories and to have deep friendship with my adult children, who are indeed my "besties."

Let this chapter inspire you to plan and make special memories with your friends, neighbors, children, spouses this month. In many parts of the nation—and certainly in our little corner of Colorado—autumn is the time when the temperatures drop and a chill is felt in the air. And yet October is invariably a warm month for me, filled with delightful good times. For this chapter, I’d like to invite you into my home for a little visit. Let’s step over the threshold and through my double front doors.

I recently had them painted red—a deep crimson suffused with hints of vermilion to catch the light flickering off the few remaining shimmery leaves of the aspen grove outside. Red is the color of the heart, and I want our home to be a place where the heart is captured by the beauty of belonging. Red is also the color of warmth and vibrancy, capturing the celebration and feasting that happen regularly within the walls of our home.

As you pass through the parlor, I invite you to enter my living room. Take a seat in one of my enormous paisley hostess chairs, (I have covered them for the third time and they are about 125j years old--just passed down from Clay's grandma), and as you sink in and get comfortable, I’ll go put the teakettle on.

While I’m away, I hope the flickering candles spread throughout the room will light a fire of joy in your heart as you catch strains of the tranquil classical music, (or Celtic, indie instrumental, Christian artists, film scores, whatever fits the mood of the day)  gracefully filling the expanse of the vaulted ceiling above. (Though our living room is not huge, elevated ceilings made it seem bigger--and the man who built it many years ago probably knew this secret to make rooms look larger.) Perhaps as you look around, the candlelight will reflect off of one of the many bird figurines decorating my living room.

Many years ago, when I was struggling as a young mother and missionary in Austria, far away from home, I cried out to the Lord in a moment of need. And at that moment a beautiful sparrow hopped up on my windowsill, chirped a lovely song, and then flittered away to some other appointment.

Ever since then, I have been visited by beautiful birds when I am tempted to despair. So I keep reproductions of my feathered friends around to remind me that the light of Christ is incarnated into the world all around me, and all I must do to see it is be attentive.

Now that we have our cups of tea in hand, please accompany me to our family great room. It’s only just past the staircase and the piano. I love that piano. My father, a jazz aficionado and dedicated amateur trumpet player, traded his beloved trumpet for our upright piano. Whenever I pass it, I can faintly hear the echoes of his singing and playing, a ghost of a memory revisiting itself gently upon me.

I also think of my kids when I see that piano; they all took lessons on it, and when they’re home they love to gather around it to sing and play. It delights my mama heart to see them enjoying filling the rafters with harmony and melody. Music seeps up through the soil of our family, past and present. Without fail, if you wait long enough in our home, music will begin to stream in from somewhere or other.

Giving Rhythms

I hope you’ll make yourself comfortable on our old-fashioned leather sofa here in the great room. It’s got cushions you could disappear into, doesn’t it? As I light a fire in the fireplace, perhaps you’ll notice the sea of deep twilight blue on all the surrounding walls enveloping you.

To me it’s like an engulfing ocean. I like to think that when we read out loud together, as we often do in this room, we are embarking onto a sea of imagination and curiosity. Everyone needs a good space to become lost in a story.

The aroma of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies is wafting from the kitchen. Excuse me while I check on them; I’ll only be a minute. Or better yet, why don’t you come with me? Everybody else does.

Whenever I cook dinner or bake a treat, I know that all I have to do is wait. Before I know it, the scent of hot-out-of-the- oven bread or eggs and bacon on the griddle will draw my offspring from the four corners of our home.

Isn’t that amazing?

What draws your children to home?

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Planning ... With God's Plans in Mind!

One morning several years ago, as I reflected on the needs of my family and the demands of the coming week, the Lord put Joel on my heart. At sixteen, my six-foot-three, gentle-spirited son was a mixture of mystery and promise. His quiet nature provided a soothing touch to our family rambunctiousness, but it also made him harder to know. I've learned I need to seek him out alone if I'm to know what's going on inside. Really, Joel is a lot like me—pondering many things in his heart that aren't always obvious to the louder, more active types surrounding him.

As I sat there praying for Joel and his future and his needs and desires, I suddenly had a thought: I'll wake him up and sneak him out to breakfast so we can talk and I can see what is on his heart.

Joel was all for it, once I managed to wake him up. Individual attention can be hard to come by in the group atmosphere. He quickly rolled out of bed and hurried out to the car.

Just a month before, Clay and I had taken Joel for some career testing that evaluated his aptitudes, skills, and strengths. The test took into account desires and personality as well as abilities, and was supposed to be useful in giving direction for further education and training. The man evaluating the test assertively explained Joel's test results and went into detail about what areas he thought would be best for Joel to pursue as a possible career. Clay, Joel, and I had fun on the way home talking about what the test had revealed. For the moment we were all in agreement with the test's assessment.

After a Cracker Barrel feast of scrambled eggs, toast, biscuits, grits, and bacon, we both relaxed with mugs of hot coffee and settled in for the important, secret-sharing talk that usually took place at our private meetings. I asked Joel what he had been thinking about during the weeks after the test, and if he agreed with the assessment he had been given.

"You know, Mom, the test told me a lot that I already knew, and that built some confidence in my mind. It was good to know I really am gifted in some of the areas I have always enjoyed—you know, like playing music or designing and structuring things."

I laughed. "You mean like 'organizing lists of facts and assimilating data' and 'working best in the context of accountability with a team of people'?" He laughed too, remembering the assessor's professional jargon. "Yeah," he said. "Stuff like that can make a normal personality sound important. And it makes sense what he said—that maybe I'd do well as an architect or a graphic designer. But you know, in the past few days I think I've realized something that's more important than any of the things he told me. The man who tested me is a nice pagan," Joel went on. "He's developed lots of skills at testing people in the areas of secular work. But he isn't a believer. He isn't committed to having a ministry to others. He doesn't have an eternal perspective on the importance of answering to God for our time and skills. So his world-view just doesn't provide for the same goals I have developed."

I sat there amazed to hear such mature eloquence coming from the mouth of my sixteen-year-old. "Mom, he never even mentioned any options in full-time Christian work," Joel went on. "And I think that's what I want to do. I've realized through all of this that I really want to either be in ministry, to serve God with my whole life. Or maybe I will be in the secular arena where I can use my gifts to reach out to others, to inspire or help them. That's the kind of 'career answer' I'm looking for—to figure out what God wants me to do with all the skills and strengths he has given me. So I've been looking on the Internet at colleges that have missions and ministry as a major or minor. I've found several places where I can get the training I need to go full time into some sort of ministry. Do you think I'm thinking right, Mom?"

It was one of those parenting moments when the Lord's presence seems to fill my heart with His assuring companionship and voice of encouragement: See, he really was listening all those years when you were seeking to reach his heart for My purposes. I have been working to reach down into his heart and call him to myself, and he has made the choice to follow.  You can trust me to continue the work I have started."

I'm so glad God has inside access to my children's hearts!  And I've been blessed to watch the evidence of that access play out in Joel's life these many years since this conversation, as he's discovered the ministry that exists for him within music composition.

How might you need to trust God in leading your children--or yourself!--today?

Joel, now into his profession and loving having found God's place for him.

He will be sharing more stories from his life.

I hope some of you will be able to join Joel and me at Life Giving Home Evening Encounters. He will be sharing music and stories and I will be speaking about home as a place to mentor and inspire.

Dallas/Ft. Worth

San Diego

Nashville

For more family stories and ideas to spark your own traditions, trust, and teaching times, see The LifeGiving Home!

Controlling the Chaos, Moving to a Sustainable Life & A New Podcast

"The chaos of my life consumed me and left me empty."

"As for our days, they contain 70 years or if due to strength, 80, but soon it is gone and will fly away. So teach us to number our days that we might present to you a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90: 10, 12

Tears sprang to my eyes this week out of the blue. I had been working every day with Nathan on our book, we had out of town company for two days, I taught at a Bible study in town, planned fun meals and times for the kids with Nathan home for a couple of weeks and gave Joy a really fun birthday--and birthday party with family and personal friends.

I was just exhausted. Early morning found me up and working at 5:00 a.m. and by 7, I found one of the kids was disappointed about some minor issue in our plans. Tears sprang to my eyes, (I do not cry very often), and I knew my self was speaking to myself! Slow down, stop the flow of life, simplify, and take a break.

Do you feel the chaos mounting in your life? What speaks chaos to you? It is different for each person. Piles in your home? Stress in relationships, always being behind, and the feeling that you are failing at life can create irritability, and a disagreeable spirit. Then follows guilt.

From the vantage point of having finished six decades, I am more aware than ever that life flies by. One day flows into another and then months flow into years. But somehow, so many I know keep going, one empty day after the other.

Owning our chaos means naming our drainers.

Taming our stress means to figure out the voices that are making us feel we aren't doing enough, enticing us to overcommit. God has not asked us to do more than we can do, so if we feel exhausted all the time, we are not managing our time well.

More than ever, I have seen, this month, that my closest friends, Clay, my kids, want my time, my focussed attention. So if I have not built margin into my schedule, I will feel pushed when they want my attention.

I am taking a few days off this week to play with one of my children and to have time away. Taming my own chaos. I hope you enjoy our webcast tonight and share with us what you are learning in our series about Owning Your Life, especially this week: Overcoming Chaos. Tell us what you think. Share with us what you are learning.

Remember, studies show that 88% of mothers feel severely stressed and overcome with anxiety due to poor time management and difficulty prioritizing.

Below are some areas of life to consider. Do these add to the chaos in your life?

Life is short and ideals are constantly interrupted, so we need to be sure to focus on the most important ideals. Most of all, plan for this:

The people God has placed in our lives should be the biggest priority.

Do the priority people in your life (your children, your husband, your parents, your friends) feel that you are often distracted by all the things you do? Do they comment on how much they appreciate your ability to give full attention to them or do they complain that you are not listening?

"But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said,

'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone?

Then tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered and said to her,

'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." -Luke 10:40-42

Worst of all, is the neglect of our Father. He is so ready to give peace, to guide us in wisdom through His gentle voice, to take the burden of performance off our backs, to relieve our guilt; but if we do not still our souls, we are likely to get into a snit as Martha did. We create our own snits by refusing to take time to be comforted in the presence of our living, loving Father.

We must make time to sit at His feet so we don't get into a huff. If you are too busy, the consequences will be grumpiness, frustration, and missed opportunities. (What is causing you the most stress and depleting your life? What can you do about it?)

Being women of wisdom means setting realistic goals so that we don't become drained. When we are constantly operating on a tank of gas that is almost empty, we have little in our hearts from which others may draw. It is so easy to listen to the voices of others and feel the guilt of performing up to other's expectations, instead of committing to the limitations and strengths of our own puzzle of life.

Make a list today of what you can reasonably accomplish and cut out those drainers that are unnecessary. What do you need to cut out? What do you need to add to your life to give your children more of a sense of love, peace and affection? Getting our priorities in order enables us to be better mothers, wives, friends, and women of God.

Make a plan to incorporate in your life the ideals that lead to real relationships and eternal values.

Control your life by eliminating time wasters.

Identify the areas of life you have neglected that will bring you more health--activities that bring pleasure, give peace, cultivate new interests, inspire your mind and heart.

Today, each of has a choice--will we take time to celebrate the joys that God has provided? The beauty that He wants us to explore? The sweetness of intimacy that comes from investing heart time with those we love?

The chores and responsibilities will always be there, but the time to invest in the ones we love, will soon be gone.

Cut your chaos, cultivate a peaceful life, create close relationships. Live a life that values all the matters.

Hope you enjoy the podcast!

Hope you can come see us for our Life Giving Home Encounters. Joel will be giving a mini-concert, sharing some of our family traditions. I will be speaking about Hospitality, Ordering Your Home, Mentoring Your Children, and Engaging  your children in Ministry and Faith. I will have a question and answer time and be there to meet you when the evening is over. You can register online below. Hope you can make it! I would love for you to tell your friends.

Be sure to get in on the early bird registration. Tickets will cost more at the door. Only a limited amount of tickets available at the lower price. Register HERE.

Enjoy today, It is a gift! Celebrate Your People

My beloved Colorado sunset on my walk every night down the road from my house.

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."

John Lubbock, a writer from England 1860's

I am moving in the direction of breathing this summer. Noticing the iris's now blooming in Colorado, enjoying the aspens blowing, and planning more time with my dear friends in town that I just don't see often enough.

Just finishing a book today that will come out next January. My book tells the story of God giving me the gift of Nathan, my ADD, ODD, OCD, learning issues child to teach me about what really matters in life. I have reflected on so many truths I learned in the writing of this book and have been so very touched by Nathan's writing. Every mom should write a book with their child, if only to see what was really going on inside! :)

I think you will like it because I like it! :) Remembering the stories and writing about our journey together provided the ones at home great moments to remember, to really remember how much fun we had together in our home, amidst all the challenges and lessons. We have all been ending our evenings on our back deck, watching the sun set and sharing moments of life. There were times I didn't know if my children would ever get along, ever stop fussing, if anything I was doing mattered. And now I know, your investment of love and time matters so much. You are shaping souls, building vision. giving a foundation of stability upon which they will stand in their adult lives. My greatest happiness these two weeks that Joy, Joel and Nathan have been home is to see them together, being best friends.

As I wrote stories of my unique story with him, it made me truly miss those years. I do miss those years when I had my own little club--Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy--all together, going in the car together, reading together, doing bed time routines and hugging their little squishy warm bodies, and nursing and rocking my babes--though it was all foreign to me at first, now I miss them being right here where I learned to love being a mama. So now, I am thankful for the days they are here--even if we do eat and mess up the house all the time, and then have one more tea, coffee, treat and then eat again.......

Happiness comes to me when I get to choose my summer flowers. Here are some of my blues.

I am spending time on my front porch because I love the outdoors. I bought my summer flowers and now am enjoying them. I pile books thinking I will read them, but mainly end up dreaming and being distracted by what is going on--yesterday, 3 bunnies actually ran and played for 15 minutes. This month we have had turkey running through, numerous groups of deer, squirrels,  and lots of blue jays squawking and protecting their eggs and chicks from the squirrels.

Having a cup of tea with something sweet, however tiny,  is a habit I will continue into this summer--just seems the right thing, somehow!  :) But still going to try to lose 10 pounds for the wedding and photos. :)

 I am still on that kick of doing the 10,000 steps every day for about a month. I use the app on my iphone. I love walking and it is so fun in Colorado at nights.

I, who love to cook and provide, find myself every night not wanting to make dinner, so we are snacking more than usual. I wonder if I will ever cook again. And then last night I ended up making an old fashioned homemade fried chicken tenders with mashed potatoes and gravy. (my secret recipe). Tonight, organic turkey sausage on the grill and friends. Then tomorrow all of us fly out while Joel and Clay stay home to take care of Darcy Dog.

What is an easy summer meal that you go to all the time? I need some suggestions.

Also, want to know what your summer rituals are in your home?

So what are you up to?

Maybe you will want to read the Life Giving Home this summer to inspire you with renewed vision for your home as a strong foundation for life this summer in your free time. I have loved speaking about this at our evening seminars, especially after having my own adult children home this spring and friends who have visited from afar. You can get it HERE

Off to sleep, which I am also excited about every night--going to bed! What does that suggest? :)

Register HERE for Dallas.

Register HERE for San Diego.

I am excited to be taking a short trip to Dallas and to San Diego for an evening up close and personal with Joel. I will be sharing stories from our lives, home, thoughts about mentoring children to become great in character. I love these smaller evenings where we get to meet many of you and have time to talk. I hope many of you can join us at these events. Be sure to register. The registration fee helps to pay for our flights and international ministry. We are always grateful to be able to spend time with kindred spirits.

Please share with your friends. Hope to see you there.

Gathering In For Home and Soul

Sitting outside amidst pine trees, a coral setting sun, our crew gathered on the deck. We find the company of each other an affirmation of our essential selves. We find rest, freedom to be ourselves, a place to belong away from the eyes of the world. Crazy though it is, our family are all idealistic writers. Each of us at home this week, (Nathan, Joel, Joy, Clay and me) are working on book deadlines. We cherish the power of the word, and the Word become flesh. Our deck has become a haven of retreat, food, drink, giggles, awash with the antics of our already beloved golden retriever, Darcy, amidst a week of hard work hours and hours every day.

As I look at life from my 60's, I can see how having a place to retreat, a place to grow up without the expectations of outside peers and pressure to perform has been of infinite value. Home is the place where all should feel they belong. It is a place for immature people to grow steadily toward maturity. A place where people are believed in for what someday they will become but may not be yet. A place where the foundation of love is set in steel so that at the end of the day, all fusses, let downs, blow ups, straining towards ideals in a life that is so secular, it disdains ideals--that love holds us all, every day, unconditionally. Love that believes forward by faith in what one will become while saying that today, I love you, because I understand vulnerability. 

Home is a place where even teens can feel a freedom to grow, wiggle, change, question, push. I was remembering how important this was to a sweet one who needed to know I understood that ideals ar what we move toward, even if the warp and woof of life is constantly in flux with growing people.

Furrowed eyebrows above large dark eyes was the signal to me as a mom that something was not right with one of my children. Like my other precious ones, she had faced the challenge of growing up more or less in public and was feeling exposed and fragile, inadequate to live into such a pressured role.

God has blessed our family with the opportunity to interact with so many people from so many different walks of life and to touch others with our ministry, but I had learned very quickly that this was not always easy for my children. And this particular child had begun to grow into a challenging point of adolescence and especially needed attention and affirmation from me.

“Mama, do you ever feel like a hypocrite when your life is so . . .visible? Doesn’t it get hard to keep on writing and speaking about your ideals when your failures are right out there for people to see? Do you ever feel disqualified?”

She went on: “I really need to get away from the voices and eyes of the world right now. Can’t we hole up in the house for a few days and just be ourselves, with all our warts and weirdnesses?” We ended up doing just that.

Truth be told, I could totally relate to what my sweet daughter was saying. I feel like quitting ministry about ten times a week! I am just a normal Christian woman wanting to love Jesus and live according to His example, and God simply called me into a more public place than I would ever have chosen.

How well I know what my child was discovering—the vulnerability that comes from being a leader, from publicly standing firm on an ideal. You put your neck out and stand for principles, and yet you are still only human and make mistakes along the way. Not everyone understands, and there is plenty of criticism to face in the journey.

Add to that our breakneck, high- pressure, high-consumption contemporary culture and it’s easy to reach a place where we feel depleted, needing a place of safety and refuge, desperately thirsty for emotional, physical, and spiritual water to refresh us. The way I have been able to bear all this (most of the time) is to make our fallibility a part of our message. I’ve always been up- front about the reality that I and my family aren’t perfect or always strong.

The way I have been able to bear all this (most of the time) is to make our fallibility a part of our message. I’ve always been up- front about the reality that I and my family aren’t perfect or always strong.

We fall down and mess up like any other family. But even when we’ve blown it, struggled with the dark side of life, or wallowed in our own sin and selfishness, God has been faithful to us. The heart of my message is that God still redeems every moment, every mistake, and every failure.

It is a risk to stand for something, to seek after the holy ways of God, to keep going when you are weary to the bone, to love when you feel hurt and rejected, especially by those who call themselves Christians. Every one of us will be called in some capacity to live into a call that is holy, separating us from the world, and leading us to pathways towards God--and will face this struggle in some way.

That’s why all of us need a place of escape from time to time. We need a home—but not just any home. Home needs to be a haven of safety, acceptance, and unconditional love, a place where we can rest and find refuge from all the devastating and depleting parts of life. And mamas need grace of forgiveness and compassion most of all.

When the storms and difficulties come, home should be the first line of defense against despair, the place doubt can be fully expressed, yet find a place to move forward to faith. A place where failure moments can be met with, "I understand," and ideals can still be at the foundation to hold it up. This is why we must guard our homes as if they were our very lifelines. Because they are! And God wants us to find his mercy, compassion and love in this place of breathing rest.

The Promise of Another Golden Summer

The view of our beloved Pike's Peak on a morning walk with Joy, downtown this week.

 Chattering as we go, measuring our 10,000 daily steps, camaraderie and belonging, bubble over in all of our walks in the wild near our home. A circle of us around a card game, sitting out on the deck for dinner with candlelight, sleeping on the back porch under the clouds, sitting out under the stars in the front yard, or our daily walk on wild paths, are some of the rituals we keep every day as we continue to talk, giggle, pontificate and are awash in the golden moments of our lovely Colorado.

I am always and always tired and weary when I get to late May, early June. It used to be ending a school year with myriad activities. Now it seems to always be mounting high, idealistic adventures with our adult kids' dreams and projects and for the last several years, another book deadline. May 30, one more book written! :)

Sarah will be home soon to find a wedding dress, and make final arrangements for her wedding in August. Nathan has just visited for two golden weeks while writing our book about out of the box kids, and a webcast to share some of our heart with you. Joel and Joy here for the time being, working to save for their schools in the United Kingdom next year, (Joel getting his Masters of Conducting and Choral Music in Cambridge and Joy a Masters of Theology of Imagination at St. Andrews),  and we have so many wonderful memories ahead to make in one more Colorado summer. We mark our lives by one more meal or tea time we seem to be eating all the time in summer when everyone comes together. As the kids said at the conferences this year, we are all hobbits. If we didn't walk every day, we would be 900 pounds big and happy.

Our favorite snack meal--(especially if I make home-made bread or buy some from a friend!) fruit, chips, hummus, cheese, sandwich meat rolled up, popcorn, and whatever we have in the cupboard that is already made. This helps when I don't want the kitchen to get hot because we do not have air conditioning. The rare days that the temperature is over 90, we just wait through the days, as at 7250 feet high, we just live with the windows open and sleep with fresh mountain air every night.

Now that everyone is older, I make each child (all adults) cook one dinner meal during the week and wash all of the dishes on that night. Then they have 5 other days of the week totally off. All of us have become pretty good cooks--and all of us are natural, organic types, so it is great fun to feast together.

Many of you loved this recipe in the past and I have had new requests for it.One more easy meal that even the boys make was begun by Sarah. So it became:

Sarah-strone

2 Turkey sausages sliced thin

I whole onion, chopped

a heaping tablespoon of garlic

1 large can (29 ounces?) tomatoes (I like the chopped)

1 full can of water--or a little more to taste

2-3 thinly sliced zucchini

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

1 can beans (navy beans preferred--but we didn't have them last night so we used pinto)

1-2 teaspoons salt to taste

1 heaping tablespoon Italian seasoning

Saute sausage, onions and garlic in olive oil in a large soup pan. Add the tomatoes, water, salt and zucchini. Simmer for 20-30 minutes until the zucchini is soft. Add the beans and seasoning and salt. Simmer another little while (I think it tastes better if you just leave it on to simmer while you are doing other things--the tastes blend together better.)

Sprinkle Parmesan cheese and a small dollop of sour cream on top and enjoy!

This was a great summer treat for us last year that Sarah made up on the spur of the moment! I had to repeat it this week to be sure I knew how! It is a real pleaser.

The pathway behind our home--awash in beautiful blues, gorgeous--everywhere!

Every once in a while, life seems at peace in all areas.

 It does not happen often, but when it does, I have learned to cherish each moment and store up the goodness of it for future times.

Walking with Joy and the boys last night in our nearby national forest. God smiling from heaven.

Finally, after all the weeks of travel, turning in 2 books, hosting friends from afar in our home,   I am putting rhythms into our lives--for my sake.  We all feel called to minster as a family and to speak and reach out and do what the Lord has put on our plates to do, but really, we love home--the comfort, the meals, the fellowship and the life.

So every day that we are able to cherish this life is a gift.

Clay is in his element with most  of us home to talk and have fun--soon to be everyone--and life will be wild but good. Sometimes with all the noise he retreats to his man-cave, but we feel happy to be together again.

Giddy about Sarah's upcoming wedding in Oxford. Can't wait to have Nathan come back to shoot a new film, soon after Sarah's wedding. We are all such pals and I will deeply miss all of the fuss and fun when they all leave by fall.

This, after all the seasons of living through the stages of younger children--those times when you wonder if your children will be friends.

And wonder if you have more conflict in your home than others do--but I have to say, if you are raising your children to be confident, independent thinkers--there will always be a little tension.

Since I know my children don't come home for as long now, when they want to talk, I drop everything. When they say, "Hey, Mom, fix me breakfast--it always tastes better when you do it." Then I do it and enjoy it, knowing sometime soon, they will be gone. But also knowing that it was being available to make many such memories and serving them so often when they little boys and wee girls, that makes them want to come home one more time.

So happy to be full into summer warmness, at least we have hit the 60's, and leaving the duties of the world behind.

I wish you a golden summer with room to breathe and beauty to enjoy.