The Illusive Balanced Life: Seeking Peace Instead!

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

Pondering how to slow down life, how to find peace amidst busy days has been something I have been evaluating lately. Knowing that Joel and Joy, home temporarily, will be gone to a new life in the fall, Sarah will be married, and Nathan will still be far away in New York, makes me want to enjoy every moment of every day, to cherish my days while they are home. But it requires me to choose to live in peace one day at a time. Peace of mind comes from a heart attitude that says, "God is in control. I can rest at this moment, leave the stresses in His hands, live into His promise of peace, even though the pieces of my life are flying in all directions for the moment."

Joy and I were talking about a summer gone by where I was pondering the same things!

Seems I have never reached that magical point where my life is quiet, peaceful, slow, with all the details in my life organized. There are more balls in the air now than when our family was much younger!

Today as I was whizzing in the car to Kohl's (afterall, I had a 30% coupon in my hot little hand) looking for jeans and a couple of things that Joy needed, all the while keeping in mind that she has a meeting I have to drive her to in an hour.

Also knowing that I have to pick up some medication for the sinus infection I have developed with an internal ear infection (going on since Michigan--five weeks ago--even today, several years later, I have imploded ear drums--allergies! I was a premie with lots of respiratory issues--born 2 months early.) and have an appointment with friends to pray at 5 and then pick Joy up from her meeting, and then go back to Walmart for the things she will need while I am gone on a short ministry trip.

Finallhy, a reward at the end of the day-- then to a cooking class with Sarah and Joy-- we signed up for a while ago. Unexpectedly, we will be meeting friends who are flying in from out of town at their hotel at 9; late night to finish packing and then leave for the airport with Clay and Sarah at 7:30 in the morning,

And I think--my life is not in balance--but I can still walk with God, have joy, enjoy my minutes and the ones in my life at each moment, and make it through one minute at a time.

My home is not often in balance--I know that when we fly to 5 cities in 7 weeks, to host mom conferences,  that my house will get messier than usual and need a good cleaning when I get home. I understand that if I am going to be faithful to schooling when I am home and making meals and having quiet times in between all the prep for conferences--that things will pile up and go by the way side--but I also know I have a plan for getting it all together when I get home.

I know it will take all of us a few days just to sleep enough to have the energy to clean and straighten up--but I know that we will get to it and I will feel good about my home again.

I liked what a friend said to me,

"The pendulum on a clock is only in balance at one point while the fulcrum swings back and forth between the two sides."

And so my life goes--in perfect balance, rarely, once in a while--but always swinging between the two tensions.

My life wasn't in balance when I had 3 children under 5 and I had to nurse them and deal with ear infections and asthma.

My life wasn't in balance very often amidst the 17 moves--6 times internationally--seemed often I was packing or unpacking--

My life wasn't in balance when I had 3 teenagers and an elementary aged child who just wanted to play and read picture books,  while we were staying up late with our teens talking about all sorts of serious issues in life, and then getting up early with my wee, little fun one-with dark circles under my eyes.

And all the while these in my home wanted to eat, (which meant shopping, cooking and an endless stream of dishes) and wear relatively clean clothes and messes abounded--always cleaning and messing--straightening and cluttering. No balance but a lot of life and fun and discussions and work and corrections--a stream of life never ending, but flowing to yet another new challenge and season of life.

I think I would have been so much more content and joyful if I had just known at the beginning that life for me would not be balanced--but could always be meaningful--if I would just accept the limitations of each day, each season, each child, my marriage and my finances--none totally balance, perfect--but all a blessing--so that is what was going through my mind today as I was whizzing about.

I don't think scripture promises balance--Jesus's life was not balanced--he always had people chasing after him and someone was always criticizing him amidst the feeding of 5 thousands, healing lepers and forgiving prostitutes, holding children and blessing them and saying scathing things to the Pharisees. Though he did say we could be peaceful. (Peace, I leave with you. John)

Paul's life was certainly not balanced--even keeled--amidst prison, ship wrecks, beatings, and teachings. Peter was traveling, teaching, being persecuted--yet all of these had joy, full hearts, love and time to reach out to and teach others.(Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Phil.)

So, I was contemplating today--that if I would just see this day and all that my puzzle brings as God's will, I would be content, joyful and enjoy rest in the moments of my days. Take a deep breath--and rest in the peace in the midst of the swings of my life.

Off to pick up Joy!

Can't wait to see so many of you in Arlington and San Diego. Still time to register--and you can come to the door without registering, but the cost will be slightly higher. We shall have fun.

Engaging in Heart and Soul Training: A New Podcast

C.S. Lewis' desk in his office at the Kiln's, where I stayed recently--the place he wrote!

“If you think of this world as a place simply intended for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place for training and correction and it's not so bad.”

C.S. Lewis

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence. But we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Aristotle

Music wafts all around our home in the evenings lately. Joel and Joy are recording an album and producing original songs. Yet, listening to them now compared to a few years ago shows such growth and maturity. Training, practicing, learning, growing has helped them turn the corner from merely plahing at music and now recording and performing it. I enjoy it every night, knowing both will be away at graduate studies soon.

Merely having a piano in a home and having a child bang on the instrument will not nurture a child into becoming a classical pianist. To become excellent in playing, the child must be instructed over a period of many years, hours must be given to practice and learning music.  Playing and playing and playing again is the course of action that produces skill and excellence.

Proverbs tells us that "a skillful man will go before kings." Regarding character, wisdom and soul strength, all people must also be instructed, have many years to practice and apply the teaching before an excellent character and life skills are developed.

Our God is a Holy God and His desire is for us to be people who reflect His character: His love, His excellence, moral purity, love, wisdom from His word, integrity in relationships, in the ways we conduct our behavior and actions. One who loves God will reflect growth in holiness continually as they grow closer to Chrits.

Proverbs tells us, “The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, shining brighter and brighter until the full day.”

Strong Biblical integrity grows slowly over a long period of time—brighter and brighter—as we grow to more maturity. Yet, it comes from loving God with our hearts, and subsequently, seeking to ponder how to please Him. We ponder Jesus, His ways, His heart, His stories and seek to grow in those ways from our heart—not from performance to a rigid standard or rule.

But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, Ephesians 4:15

Yet, I have observed that many adults never had such Biblical training and so they are operating in their Christian life from a vacuum.

As many people know, I have often said,

“In the absence of Biblical convictions, people go the way of culture.”

So, an adult who does not live from a grid or a well of biblical foundations of truth will be subject to legalism on one hand—man made rules that teach a formulaic performance of Christianity. This legalism produces a harshness of judgment of those who “fail to live by the rules.” Often legalism brings false condemnation because we find it difficult to live up to arbitrary standards, as we are imperfect people.

Lack of Biblical convictions and orthodox understanding of Christianity can also lead to lenient or permissive application of Christianity, losing a sense of the holiness and righteousness of God, that He would have us grow into. The more we love Christ, the more we will be like Him, so that people will know Him better by being in our company.

Contemporary Culture Mitigates Against Excellent Character

Because our culture is so given to crudity, sexual permissiveness and a devaluation of human beings, (abortion, loss of love for having children, mercy killing of those who are aged or infirm),  with secular media determining the values of children and adults, many reflect callousness and a lack of honor for humans, those created in God's image.

Couple this with  a lack of intentional training on the part of adults, parents towards their children, with moral compromise at every turn, lack of wisdom and discretion, and many children are at a disadvantage in their lives because they have never developed a strong moral character, or seen a strong model of integrity in the life of the adults around them.

What I find it that there are many adults who are at a disadvantage because they grew up into adulthood without a corpus of wisdom, character training, truth and an understanding of holiness and righteousness. And so they, also, are disadvantaged in understanding how to live a godly life.

That is also why so many of us find Christians the ones hurting us or disappointing us, because these immature or uninformed new or young believers don't know how to love, communicate, get over their scars in life or how to discern wisdom, because they have never seen it modeled or heard it taught.

A child or adult who is not trained and taught to exercise strength in righteousness, truth, work ethic, relationships and integrity, will often be at a disadvantage his whole life, because instead of his character serving him, his lack of training and ignorance will detract from his ability to live an excellent life. Poor choices lead to bad consequences that bring baggage and burdens potentially for a whole life.

God is a God of redemption so he can forgive and restore, but we must live with the consequences of poor, unwise and compromising choices if we do not live by the righteous ways of God.

I am often amazed at the fact that people feel they can separate their faith from their behavior.

Carefulness needs to be applied here. I am not speaking of legalistic, rules of men, but the ways God teaches us are wise, the ways His word if filled with instruction so that we can move towards maturity.

Then when their lives are filled with the difficulty of indiscretion, they shake their fist at God and ask Him why He has treated them so harshly, when the truth to guide their lives was in scripture all along. God leaves us responsible to respond to His word, and when we behave foolishly, there will be consequences. The father of the prodigal son did not prevent his son from abandoning reason and leaving Him, but He was there to restore His son when his son humbled himself and came home. So it is with God, He is always willing to welcome us, to restore us, but choices are not without consequences.

The Problem of Ignorance

I was never trained to persevere through hard times, nor to understand that I had a capacity to be stronger than I knew, or that life was hard, or that motherhood would require me to be unselfish for the rest of my life. When I entered motherhood, I was simply unprepared and untrained.

I believe that many women like me struggle with motherhood, marriage and the burden of raising children because they have never been stretched or trained in character and are morally weak, complaining and undisciplined.

An undisciplined soul often reacts to pressure with complaining, anger and frustration. We blame others for our own unhappiness and difficulties.  Often, a lack of strong character and a developed work ethic is at the bottom of depression in young women. (There are many other reasons of course--loneliness, lack of community--but that is for another article--or book! :))

I know that I was also never trained for such hard work, and so struggled to meet the ideals I held in my heart because I had never been trained to be strong in character--I was spoiled in many ways and so had to learn character along with my children--and it was more difficult as an adult who had become lazy and self-centered--and I didn't even know it! I had been quite indulged and was unaware of my own lack of character--I wanted to blame my struggles on everything else except myself!

We are living in a culture where compromise is an accepted norm in marriage, in choices of movies and television, books read, in work, manners, leadership, and responsibility.

Also, addictions and lack of discipline of every sort are the norm and acceptable, so that character is not even affirmed or valued. Addiction to food, substances, social media, pornography, television, gaming, gambling, and every sort of pleasure that eats up the beauty and possibility of life is tolerated. In surveys, it is often found that believers are just as apt to divorce, abandon their children, become addicted to pornography, and to live an immoral lifestyle as those who do not profess faith in Christ.

The heart, not behavior, is the key to living a righteous life.

I find that so many parents are mostly anxious that their children cease to have "bad" behavior. They just want a formula for disciplining their children that will make them easier to deal with on a daily basis, so that they as parents can have an easier life.

Yet, as I observe many families, children, and moms in all of our travels and teaching, I find that there are fewer and fewer children who have an internal sense of composure, self-control, wisdom, and manners, because they are not receiving this kind of instruction at home.

Their moms, even the stay at home ones, are busy with their own agenda and pastimes, distractions- and the adults have a great lack as well.

A child or adult cannot grow beyond their teacher’s ability to model ideals and truth lived out in real life. So, if those in church are compromising, or parents are living a hypocritical life, wanting their children to “be good” while they are living a life of compromise, compromise will become the norm. "I'm ok, You're ok, " becomes the valued mantra--let's not judge anyone.

Yet, if we are created in God's image, shouldn't we, as believers, be the most excellent in our behavior, character and influence? Doesn't scripture teach us to lay down our lives for the sake of others--in this case, our children? Doesn't anything worthy always require great sacrifice, vision and hard work?

The next few weeks, I will be addressing the importance of training in character qualities and how this training develops a foundation of strength for the life and soul of an adult as well as a child.

For this summer, I will be reposting articles and adding to them teaching foundations for growing strong. When we have a grid of knowing Biblical foundations, we will know how to live godly lives.

I am excited about this series of Own Your LIfe! It has been bubbling up as I have talked to many moms over the past weeks, and observed behavior of adults in several situations, and discussed many of these issues with my own children.

Character matters!

Training excellent character into the very fiber of all people takes intention, perseverance, commitment, wisdom--and honestly, it requires God's character growing in our lives.

Hope you enjoy the podcast. We love hearing from you--let us know if it encouraged.

See you in a couple of days in Dallas and then in San Diego! Still time to register! Be sure to come say hi if you are one of my blog friends. Register HERE

Screenshot-2016-05-16-21.20.19

Register for San Diego, HERE 

Screenshot 2016-05-12 23.39.01

What is your most difficult area in which to be faithful?

How are ways you have found it easiest to find support systems with others who encourage you to grow?

Happy Week!

The Rhythm of Celebration in Our Own Life Giving Home

Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.

Henri Nouwen

Celebrating life and the beauty of close friendship started in the early years of our lives as we began to idealize the ways we wanted to live. As I gaze back over the decades of my life, I can see so many experiences that have shaped my view of the world. But none has had quite the effect on me as living with Clay as a young couple in Vienna, Austria. Our lives there brought us a variety of faith-stretching lessons as we were confronted by the challenges of living and working in a foreign culture. My idealistic, conviction-laden husband found himself a junior pastor at the International Chapel of Vienna, and we quickly began to build connections with the expatriate community there.

Because Vienna had one of the highest costs of living in the world at the time, we struggled to find a suitable place to live with a two-and-a-half-year-old princess, a bouncing baby boy on the way, and a desperately needed au pair. After a challenging search, Clay and I finally found a small house tucked away in a northern suburb of the city. Our crooked little gray-stucco bungalow boasted nine hundred square feet divided between five people, and we stumbled over one another in the small space as we attempted to craft a lovely life.

That house was a daily adventure—closet-sized rooms, interior walls that streamed water when the roof gutters overflowed, and an attic where pigeons would fly through the holes and get stuck inside. (We named one of them Walter Pigeon.)  Even with all the unwelcome surprises, I was happy in that little house. The energy of young love and my newfound joy at being a mother sang happiness and vibrancy into my life.

Joel had just been delivered by an Austrian midwife in the hospital down the cobbled street on a cold, windy November night, and Sarah toddled around telling everyone who would listen that “Dod had diven us a baby boy— dust like Desus was when He came to Mary on Christmas!”

Having heard the story of Jesus’ birth in the dark of our chapel one evening, she was sure that Joel was our own Jesus, and she would look out the window each evening watching for the angels to appear to sing him a song.

On Christmas Eve, we thought our little home had never looked more beautiful. Light from the crimson candles shimmered each time someone rang our bell. Our tiny antique dining table was laden with winter delicacies: red apples, golden pears, and large polished hazelnuts and fresh crusty bread. All our guests would crowd around that table, content to share in the friendly companionship of such a festive evening. Living alone in a foreign country, away from friends and family gave each of us a longing for close friendship to cover our loneliness.

Our motley but happy company included a young German friend whose girlfriend had just broken up with him, a youthful Taiwanese secretary working for the United Nations; a refugee who had escaped his Middle Eastern country by crossing over the border at night, chased by secret police; and a young missionary from England, lonely on his very first Christmas away from his family.

Sarah sat chattering in my lap and talking about the angels. Our live-in friend helped me serve our “shepherds’ meal”— potato soup, freshly baked homemade bread, a variety of cheeses, and an assortment of nuts and fruits—and we all sang “Silent Night” as a prayer because it was the only carol everyone knew. Hearts were opened by the beauty of the meal, and as we all delighted in our feast, we spoke of the shepherds who had received the Good News of Jesus on that first Christmas so long ago.

My heart was warmed by the sight of friends smiling, laughing, singing sweetly familiar songs, joining our motley crew  from such different cultures. I cherished the love that whispered Christ’s reality through the moments of the evening and we shared memories around our table.

No matter our circumstances or struggles, God has spoken the light of life into the universe in the person of Christ, and in His work through Christians like us, the world is being made new, one person at a time.

Whatever season, whatever event, celebrating moments amidst the days of our lives ties our hearts to others who will invest in our sweet memories to hold us fast in years ahead.

LGH Experience Graphic

Rest is to be Found in the Love of God

"I feel like God is so disappointed in me," my friend whispered between sobs. "No matter how hard I try or how much I give, it never feels like it's enough, and I don't know what to do."

At thirty-two years old, she found herself empty and worn out. After serving for many years as a counselor to troubled teens, she married a pastor of college students and opened her home to hundreds of youth who were looking for answers to life's questions. Then, in five years she had two girls and one boy and little sleep. The guilt and inadequacy that had been bubbling in her heart for many years was finally boiling to the surface.

She'd grown up in a wealthy home, where the expectations for her and her two brothers had been very high. She lived under constant threat of disappointing her demanding parents and longed for their approval. When she was seventeen, after many years of fighting, her parents got a divorce. The foundation of love in her life was further shaken. The devastation she had experienced prepared her to respond to Christ's love when she first heard the message at a youth rally.

Even though she became a solid, faithful Christian, she still carried the baggage from her youth. She believed that God, like her father, was demanding and expected perfection from her. She held on to the lingering suspicion that she was in some way responsible for her parents' divorce, since she often overheard them arguing about her siblings and her. So she entered adulthood with an intense drive to please everyone— her husband, her children, her parents, and anyone she met.

"There are so many needs in the world, and I find myself feeling responsible for all of them! No matter how often I read the Bible or have quiet times, God seems far away, and I know it's my fault. I don't know if I'll ever be adequate enough or understand him," she said. Then she laid her head on her arms and cried quietly.

I didn't mean to be distracted from her sorrow, but next to her was her three-month-old, squishy, rosy-cheeked little baby boy smiling and grinning at me every time I glanced down at him. It was almost impossible to ignore him—and he engagingly called for a response as he grinned and did a jig with his little feet hanging off the end of his car seat.

"Kathryn," I said as I gently touched her arm. "Look at your darling, irresistible little boy." He unwittingly drew a sheepish grin from her tear- stained face. "How do you feel about him?"

"He's a bundle of fun and joy for all of us," she answered. "He brings so much pleasure to my life every day."

"Why do you love him and stay up with him and nurse him and change his diapers? Is it because he has been useful to you or worked for you or accomplished great things?"

"I would do anything for him just because he's my precious little boy and I adore him."

"That's exactly how the Lord feels about you. He has given you the gift of this child to show you how much he adores you. You are his, and he deeply loves you and will always care for you. It's not because you deserve it or have accomplished any great thing. It's simply because he is your heavenly Father."

She nodded slightly.

"Think about what David wrote in Psalm 103:13," I continued. "'Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.' He doesn't love you for your service. He responds to you because you are His child and He delights in your smiles. He is all loving, and He can't not love you—it's part of His nature."

Rest comes from accepting fully that God finds us precious as we are, because He is a loving Father.

Do you need this same reassurance today?  God has not changed.  You are His precious child, and He loves you deeply.

"This is the cause why we be not all in ease of heart and soul: that we seek here rest [and joy] in those things that are so little, wherein is no rest, and know not our God that is All-mighty, All-wise, All-good. For He is the Very Rest."

~ Julian of Norwich

May you rest in Him today.

Casting a Life Vision for Eternal Results: Own Your Vision and a Podcast

“Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, ‘Build houses and live in them; and plant gardens and eat their produce. ‘Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease. ‘Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.’ Jeremiah 29:4-7

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire!"

William Butler Yeats

"Mom, did you see the terrible disaster that happened in Orlando? Seems like daily there is another crisis in the news. I depend so much on my foundations to keep me steady in the midst of so much despair confronting me from secular media and culture." (This from one of my kids today.

Today, so many youth and college students regularly leave their faith behind, as they confront the world and its messages. Why, when so many good families have taken the time to build the messages and love faithfully? We are living in a time when there are battlefields on every side-morality is now relative to a person's feelings; integrity is rare, faith is soft and subject to the whims of cultural values, nuclear family is disintegrating, and foolish people are being touted as leaders.

Now is the time for us as believers to live for God's purposes, to live with eternity in mind. God has created each of us to have a part in this story at this time of history. How profoundly important it is that we take our roles as believers, parents, Christians seriously, that we might be a part of God's hands, mouth and heart to a world longing for true purpose and real grace amidst so much tension.

As I ponder this dilemma, I think there are two reasons. One is that religion cannot just be indoctrination of thought.

It must be a real, contagious message  about the reality of God that captures the heart, because there are so many messages screaming out to them in media.

And the second, is that we were born for community--aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandfathers, neighbors and friends--close by and living in common purpose and belonging. All of us, young adults especially, were built for relationship--love, affirmation, encouragement, belonging. And so we must build these two components as a visual and actual reality in our lives as much as possible--even if we have to build our own community with friends or those in our lives. The Life Giving Home was a book I wrote to seek to inspire women to understand how much our homes are lighthouses in a fallen culture where we hold up and celebrate all that is good, true and beautiful for others to see.

 As we reflect on the life of Jesus, we find insight for our "todays."

Dusty, rutted Roman roads were filled with clatter of wagons of market goods for sale, donkeys carrying burdens of farm vegetables, caged fowl squawking  and  horses mounted by  menacing Roman soldiers, mulling around in the noisy marketplace of Jerusalem. And yet, it was here, in this oppressed, unknown, seemingly insignificant hamlet that a worldwide revolution would begin that would rock the world forever.

An obscure teacher, rabbi over common fishermen,  tax collectors and humble women, would spark a fire in the hearts of those hungry souls that would turn the world upside down.

Those caught in the fray of mundane life longed for something more, to be a part of a life that held meaning besides grasping day to day for enough to eat, a way to pay bills.

And so, the secret, underground movement was ripe for the times in which it was birthed.

"Follow me and I will make you fishers of men."

Always, Jesus' message was about casting a vision that would capture the hearts and imaginations of men and women, their hearts were stirred and their fellowship around what gave them meaning together.

Always, always the message of Christ was missional--Go! Influence! Bring light! Redeem! Become a part of a movement of the Spirit of God blowing through the lives of people all over the world. Take over the darkness with your light--become redeemers! Still, today, amidst the mundane, hearts long to be ignited with the passion, purpose and influence that will continue to transform this world of darkness into a place of light and hope--and all of us have a part to play.

These were the transforming messages, challenges, vision statements.

And I would snuggle up on the couch, wide-eyed children squishing around me,

"Jesus has a special mission for each of you-Sarah, Joel, Nathan, Joy--to accomplish in the world. You will meet people that will need only you to be the hands, the words, the message of God's love. I can't wait to see how He uses you in your world!"

And they would wiggle, touch toes or push a little for more room, but each one heard their name associated with God's love and their story to tell, and they would shake their little heads in affirmation when I would ask, "Isn't it exciting to see how normal fisherman did miracles and helped people--just like you will do!"

1368714001xtet2

Jesus's words were sending ones, purpose-driven and fitting for warriors:

""Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves." John 17:15

"I do not ask that you take them, (my disciples)  out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one." John 17: 15

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9: 36-37

Will we pray for him to send our children, us, into the harvest field? Are we willing to go anywhere? Do anything? Are we arming our children with values for living for eternity and not just living for the temporal, this world, the material, that is corrupting as we live each day?

All children and all adults were made for a life of meaning and purpose. We were created to be message makers, healers, redeemers. There is a kingdom of darkness but we are people of the light and the light will overcome all that is evil, dark, meaningless and harsh. We are people of the kingdom and we are bringing that kingdom to bear every day in every act, every expression of our faith, every moment of our worship--because we have been adopted by the king!

If we find ourselves caught in mundane, boring, life-draining darkness, perhaps we have not been living in light of the kingdom purposes for which we are designed. You are not a mere human being caught in the despair of life---you are royalty, a child of the king, called to a purpose of bringing light to dark places, bringing love to the lonely and bitter of heart, of bringing forgiveness to those who feel condemned. You are announcers of a life beyond where the rule of Christ, our loving God, will rule forever and ever.

Often, people ask me, "How did your children stay strong in their faith in very worldly and  in challenging places? (New York City, Hollywood, Oxford, Cambridge, Boston) Of course, I must tell you, the basis of their strength is God and I was on my knees every day, praying, teaching about Him and cultivating to the best of my ability, a life of faith.

But truly, I think the secret was that their hearts were captivated by a vision--

"Jesus has a work for you to do in this world! You are very unique and special, because you have a story to live--just like Daniel, David, Moses, Joshua, Esther, Ruth, Mary, Hannah, Abigail were all heroes in their generation, so you were made by God to be a hero in your generation.Only you can live a story worth telling, but I am so very honored to be your mom and to coach you and train you for the great story I know you will live. I am so proud of you! I love you so much!"

How will God use you, Sarah, to shape messages? Joel, to craft music for His glory, Nathan, to write movie scripts that will show greater stories, Joy to become a teacher and discipler of young women---I know that you will be bearers of light and God will use you in your lifetime as a part of the kingdom rule He is bringing on the earth.

When you capture the fire of your own significance in the kingdom of God, when you know that as a mother, you have the ability to shape generations to become powerful leaders for the cause of Christ, then that vision will fuel the energy of your life to serve Him every day, whispering the secrets of the kingdom of God. Your fire will be passed on to those who will carry on the torch of faith.

But first you must kindle the fire in your own heart so that you will pass on the fire to your children. And it is best seen in community--the family that laughs, lives, shares, invests lives and hearts around the same purpose and celebration of life, grow from mutual community and vision.

You will never be perfect and your house will never stay totally clean and there will always be more dishes, fusses, messes--but if today, you are igniting the vision, filling the heart, passing on purpose, then today, a work is being accomplished that will be your lasting glory---that you were a builder of the kingdom of God in your lifetime and you armed warriors for His cause to take over the world for His glory with His messages.

We are not called to send our children into their lives just to be moral, good people. We are to be senders of leaders who have "caught" the kingdom messages that will transform the world!

Your unnoticed, obscure home today has a capacity to be a place of revolution and redemption when the Rabbi, Jesus, takes His proper place and whispers the secrets of the kingdom through you, His ambassador, all the moments of your day. The vibrant life of your little community will capture a vision and they will become, in the footsteps of those so long ago, the ones who are light bearers in their world who will tell the story of their King.

It is in casting a vision that a heart is captured for the life-changing messages of the kingdom of God. How will you Own Your Own personal vision for life that your passion and light will spill into the lives of others?

Hope you enjoy my podcast!

See you next week in Dallas and San Diego. We can discuss these issues and more! Hope you can join me.

Screenshot-2016-05-16-21.20.19

Screenshot 2016-05-12 23.39.01

I have loved seeing your comments, getting your emails and notes on facebook. It keeps me and Kristen feeling like this is relevant to our friends online. Even though my life is so crazy demanding, and I can't get to every note, I do read your notes and pray for you and value every letter and message. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and to comment. It means so much.

Cultivating Community--a Key to Health (and Owning Your Life!)

cultivating communitysally

Recently, I was feeling quite alone and unnoticed in my life. I was carrying several serious burdens of my children and friends, was quite tired of working, and felt so alone.

A very loyal and trustworthy friend texted me, “I am going to be gone for a month. I need some Sally time.”

As we sipped the strong black tea we both loved from England, I poured out my heart’s issues. Out of compassion, tears came to her eyes. “I don’t know if you realize it, but I am praying for you diligently almost every day. All the things that are piling up in your life are indeed heavy to carry, but my life is similarly burdened, and I want to tell you how I have been seeing God’s goodness amidst my own personal circumstances.”

When my friend left, nothing in my circumstances had changed, yet I felt hope in my heart because of her words. Our friendship carried me to peace because she helped to shoulder my burdens and sympathize.

God created us for companionship with real people. We were born for community, love, help, encouragement, and the blessing and intimacy that comes from close friendship with others. Consequently, fellowship with like-minded women and men is essential to our spiritual health, and to our well-being in the Christian life.

A woman alone in her home, giving and being emptied on a regular basis, and dealing with her limitations -- plus those of the sinful people who dwell in her home -- is a target for discouragement, feelings of inadequacy, confusion and a sense of failure.

Having support systems is essential to our spiritual life, growth, health and pleasure. God intended us to live in a greater sense of family—to have aunts, grandmas, sisters, cousins, and friends who would surround us and give help and instruction to us as we learn to live life as moms, wives, ministry leaders, and friends.

In an isolationist society, we have falsely accepted the premise that we can “do it alone.” That belief brings so much pressure on one person to be all and do all!

Cultivating fellowship, friendship, and community may require you to take initiative, since isolation is the norm in this culture at this time.

Keep looking until you find someone more mature than you who can draw you forward in your walk with God. Find someone who is right where you are to share similar issues, ideas, and help, and also find someone younger in the Lord or at a younger stage to whom you can bring encouragement.

ECCLESIASTES 4:9-10 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their

labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one

who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

HEBREWS 3:13 (NIV) But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,”

so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

GALATIANS 6:10 (NLT) Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good

to everyone--especially to those in the family of faith.

In light of these verses, what action steps do you need to move on to create a less isolated life for you and for your family?

Listen to the Right Voices! Own Your Life & a podcast: Guilty no more!

Dark Clouds of life gather, but God says, Guilty No More!

(on a Colorado walk last week with my Nathan boy)

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.  He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

II Corinthians 3:5-6

The dark shadows played upon the window of my bedroom, as the sun set over the mountains. The darkness seemed to match my mood. I remember this day clearly because I felt trapped and wondered if I would truly make it through the rest of the years of my children being at home.One more move, teens in the house and a little girl who wanted to play with her beany babies, and a hormonal middle-aged mama who was worn to the bone, made for catastrophe.

There were many such days through the journey of motherhood and the fingers pointed at my heart accused me of the inadequacies and failures in my life.

Today, I am writing all the sweet mamas who are in this place and feel alone—as though they are alone in their feelings of guilt.

A sweet mama wrote me a facebook message recently and said she often felt guilty when she read my posts. I totally understand! We all have regrets and can feel like, "I wish I had known more!" But, most of us were not trained to be good mamas and had very few good models to follow, so often we muddle the best we can.

The reason I write this blog is to hopefully give some encouragement that I longed for when I was mothering my now adult children. I have learned a lot over the last 60 some years and if any of what I share can be of help, please let it encourage you--we can all move forward from where we are--with great hope, because of Him. So, I give you a part of my heart and how I have kept from staying in the mire of guilt and disappointment with myself over the years.

Do you ever hate reading articles where the writer always seems positive and Pollyannish? (Why? Because it doesn’t seem to match the reality of your own life and experience and it feels saccharine and unreal?)

Do you feel guilty for yelling and becoming angry at your children too often?

Are you regularly immature in front of your children? In marriage, do you become easily frustrated and can’t resist fighting with your spouse that you know you should love?

Do you ever wonder if there is any turning back? If you have been such a failure that it will be impossible to redeem your situation or child or marriage?

Does sadness fill your soul because of a prodigal or rebellious, angry child and you think it was all your fault?

DON’T STAY THERE! MOVE ON!

Perhaps this sounds pretty absurd—and heartless. Yet, I have seen that my  dwelling in self-pity and living in condemnation is an endless downward spiral. God does not want me to have a dark soul—only Satan does. (He accuses the brethren before the Father day and night!)

Everyone you know sins and falls short on a regular basis. (All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God!

All of these needed Him and what He died to give—redemption and restoration.

Heroes are those people who feel the same stress, fear, anxiety that everyone else feels in a terrible situation. But they do something about it—they act in a forward direction and do something to save the day.

So, you can be a hero—you are still writing your story—Yet you have to choose to live in forgiveness. Your story cannot have a good ending unless you decide to celebrate life right where you are and give your guilt, inadequacy, condemnation and then live in the freedom that He wants you to have.

All of us are broken and unworthy. We might express our weakness and sin in different ways, but we are all pretty petty, selfish and dark in our inner hearts. No matter how diligently we try to be perfect and especially to fool people into thinking we have our act together more than others, God knows. (And if anyone pretends to be righteous, they are fooling themselves and God—“

If we say we have no sin, we are liars and his word is not in us.” I John 1:10

In the same way we would not expect a toddler to live a life without making messes, crying, throwing a few fits, so God is not surprised at our incredible potential for messing up. In comparison to His holiness and perfection, we are mere toddlers—if that. “He is mindful that we are but dust.” Psalm 103

Guilt squeezes the spirit of life out of our souls! Guilt is destructive—and if he says you are not guilty, then for you to refuse His forgiveness and patience and grace is in Biblical terms—sin! To not live in His grace is sin.

(Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. Hebrews 3:12)

There was some point in which I knew I could not live in a constant state of guilt or self-condemnation. The more I read scripture, the more I understood that Jesus did not intend for me to live in that place, and moreover, it is a place of destruction.

A mama who lives in condemnation, guilt and a state of inadequacy is negative, depressed, harsh and down so often that it also becomes a drag on her children.

Somewhere along the way, I decided to put the load of guilt of all the ways I had failed into the file drawers of heaven and I marked forgiven over them. And now, often, when voices accuse me of once more blowing it, I just pray and re-give my state of guilt to Jesus and seek to stay alive in the freedom that He has provided.

These are some of the verses that helped me:

He separates our sin in our lives as far as the east is from the west.Psalm 103

There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, for the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1

It was for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

All of these verses and so many more, spoke to me of the heart Jesus had for us to know His love, His forgiveness and adoption of us into His royal family.

That is why His salvation, His love, His forgiveness, His indwelling, His commitment to refine us and to build us into the image of Jesus is such a priceless treasure—because He saves us from our dreary life of mistakes!

Easter is my favorite season of the year—because I am forgiven, I am adopted, I am new in Christ. And as a toddler, I seek Him all the time and expect Him to help me and to accept me into His arms. That is what I did for my immature toddlers. Could the God of the universe do any less.

But what to do with all the failures and ways I defrauded my children? That heavy burden of grief and sadness for all the ways I have failed?

“If we confess our sins, he is able to forgive us our sins.”

He is able.

He is able.

Do not accept the heavy burden of guilt—choose to live in your new freedom. Choose to put away the voices, the rule-keepers. Faith is a choice of your will.

Put aside the voices that you are tempted to listen to, that tell you of your inadequacies. Do not dwell in guilt. Do not cultivate anger or become a prisoner to bitterness. Own Your Life by listening to the only voice that matters--your heavenly Father who has adopted you. He says you are forgiven, precious, loved.

Believe that He is a redeemer—He can draw back those stray sheep—He loves them and especially wants to love and help you because you are a mama after His heart. He will redeem—buy back—all of those mistakes. Redemption is what HE does—he delights in doing what He was made to do. So don’t waste your time worrying—leave your failings and regrets in His loving hands.

After all, I think mamas are his favorites because like Him, they are laying down their lives for their sweet sheep.

May you live in the resurrection power today and each day till you see Him face to face.

I hope you enjoy the podcast. We so appreciate it when you share it with your friends.

Join Joel and me for a very special, more intimate time at an evening up close and personal. We will be sharing for 2-2 1/2 hours with music, stories, personal question and answer time and a talk from me to you about building a home with legacy.  So many at our conferences this year asked us to have some local gatherings so that they could bring their friends to hear some of the messages we share every week. Hope you can join us in Arlington, (Dallas, Ft. Worth), San Diego and Nashville. Register HERE for Dallas.

Screenshot-2016-05-16-21.20.19

Register HERE for San Diego.

Screenshot 2016-05-12 23.39.01

Serving Life Within Your Walls

“All people need a place where their roots can grow deep and they always feel like they belong and have a loving refuge."

Sally Clarkson, The Life Giving Home

At this point, we are looking at the month of October in our study of The Life Giving Home. However, this chapter applies to so many months in the Clarkson life. Having 3 of my four children home last week, I celebrated dinners, breakfasts and times on the porch and deck every day to open hearts, to make memories and to have deep friendship with my adult children, who are indeed my "besties."

Let this chapter inspire you to plan and make special memories with your friends, neighbors, children, spouses this month. In many parts of the nation—and certainly in our little corner of Colorado—autumn is the time when the temperatures drop and a chill is felt in the air. And yet October is invariably a warm month for me, filled with delightful good times. For this chapter, I’d like to invite you into my home for a little visit. Let’s step over the threshold and through my double front doors.

I recently had them painted red—a deep crimson suffused with hints of vermilion to catch the light flickering off the few remaining shimmery leaves of the aspen grove outside. Red is the color of the heart, and I want our home to be a place where the heart is captured by the beauty of belonging. Red is also the color of warmth and vibrancy, capturing the celebration and feasting that happen regularly within the walls of our home.

As you pass through the parlor, I invite you to enter my living room. Take a seat in one of my enormous paisley hostess chairs, (I have covered them for the third time and they are about 125j years old--just passed down from Clay's grandma), and as you sink in and get comfortable, I’ll go put the teakettle on.

While I’m away, I hope the flickering candles spread throughout the room will light a fire of joy in your heart as you catch strains of the tranquil classical music, (or Celtic, indie instrumental, Christian artists, film scores, whatever fits the mood of the day)  gracefully filling the expanse of the vaulted ceiling above. (Though our living room is not huge, elevated ceilings made it seem bigger--and the man who built it many years ago probably knew this secret to make rooms look larger.) Perhaps as you look around, the candlelight will reflect off of one of the many bird figurines decorating my living room.

Many years ago, when I was struggling as a young mother and missionary in Austria, far away from home, I cried out to the Lord in a moment of need. And at that moment a beautiful sparrow hopped up on my windowsill, chirped a lovely song, and then flittered away to some other appointment.

Ever since then, I have been visited by beautiful birds when I am tempted to despair. So I keep reproductions of my feathered friends around to remind me that the light of Christ is incarnated into the world all around me, and all I must do to see it is be attentive.

Now that we have our cups of tea in hand, please accompany me to our family great room. It’s only just past the staircase and the piano. I love that piano. My father, a jazz aficionado and dedicated amateur trumpet player, traded his beloved trumpet for our upright piano. Whenever I pass it, I can faintly hear the echoes of his singing and playing, a ghost of a memory revisiting itself gently upon me.

I also think of my kids when I see that piano; they all took lessons on it, and when they’re home they love to gather around it to sing and play. It delights my mama heart to see them enjoying filling the rafters with harmony and melody. Music seeps up through the soil of our family, past and present. Without fail, if you wait long enough in our home, music will begin to stream in from somewhere or other.

Giving Rhythms

I hope you’ll make yourself comfortable on our old-fashioned leather sofa here in the great room. It’s got cushions you could disappear into, doesn’t it? As I light a fire in the fireplace, perhaps you’ll notice the sea of deep twilight blue on all the surrounding walls enveloping you.

To me it’s like an engulfing ocean. I like to think that when we read out loud together, as we often do in this room, we are embarking onto a sea of imagination and curiosity. Everyone needs a good space to become lost in a story.

The aroma of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies is wafting from the kitchen. Excuse me while I check on them; I’ll only be a minute. Or better yet, why don’t you come with me? Everybody else does.

Whenever I cook dinner or bake a treat, I know that all I have to do is wait. Before I know it, the scent of hot-out-of-the- oven bread or eggs and bacon on the griddle will draw my offspring from the four corners of our home.

Isn’t that amazing?

What draws your children to home?

IMG_0486

Planning ... With God's Plans in Mind!

One morning several years ago, as I reflected on the needs of my family and the demands of the coming week, the Lord put Joel on my heart. At sixteen, my six-foot-three, gentle-spirited son was a mixture of mystery and promise. His quiet nature provided a soothing touch to our family rambunctiousness, but it also made him harder to know. I've learned I need to seek him out alone if I'm to know what's going on inside. Really, Joel is a lot like me—pondering many things in his heart that aren't always obvious to the louder, more active types surrounding him.

As I sat there praying for Joel and his future and his needs and desires, I suddenly had a thought: I'll wake him up and sneak him out to breakfast so we can talk and I can see what is on his heart.

Joel was all for it, once I managed to wake him up. Individual attention can be hard to come by in the group atmosphere. He quickly rolled out of bed and hurried out to the car.

Just a month before, Clay and I had taken Joel for some career testing that evaluated his aptitudes, skills, and strengths. The test took into account desires and personality as well as abilities, and was supposed to be useful in giving direction for further education and training. The man evaluating the test assertively explained Joel's test results and went into detail about what areas he thought would be best for Joel to pursue as a possible career. Clay, Joel, and I had fun on the way home talking about what the test had revealed. For the moment we were all in agreement with the test's assessment.

After a Cracker Barrel feast of scrambled eggs, toast, biscuits, grits, and bacon, we both relaxed with mugs of hot coffee and settled in for the important, secret-sharing talk that usually took place at our private meetings. I asked Joel what he had been thinking about during the weeks after the test, and if he agreed with the assessment he had been given.

"You know, Mom, the test told me a lot that I already knew, and that built some confidence in my mind. It was good to know I really am gifted in some of the areas I have always enjoyed—you know, like playing music or designing and structuring things."

I laughed. "You mean like 'organizing lists of facts and assimilating data' and 'working best in the context of accountability with a team of people'?" He laughed too, remembering the assessor's professional jargon. "Yeah," he said. "Stuff like that can make a normal personality sound important. And it makes sense what he said—that maybe I'd do well as an architect or a graphic designer. But you know, in the past few days I think I've realized something that's more important than any of the things he told me. The man who tested me is a nice pagan," Joel went on. "He's developed lots of skills at testing people in the areas of secular work. But he isn't a believer. He isn't committed to having a ministry to others. He doesn't have an eternal perspective on the importance of answering to God for our time and skills. So his world-view just doesn't provide for the same goals I have developed."

I sat there amazed to hear such mature eloquence coming from the mouth of my sixteen-year-old. "Mom, he never even mentioned any options in full-time Christian work," Joel went on. "And I think that's what I want to do. I've realized through all of this that I really want to either be in ministry, to serve God with my whole life. Or maybe I will be in the secular arena where I can use my gifts to reach out to others, to inspire or help them. That's the kind of 'career answer' I'm looking for—to figure out what God wants me to do with all the skills and strengths he has given me. So I've been looking on the Internet at colleges that have missions and ministry as a major or minor. I've found several places where I can get the training I need to go full time into some sort of ministry. Do you think I'm thinking right, Mom?"

It was one of those parenting moments when the Lord's presence seems to fill my heart with His assuring companionship and voice of encouragement: See, he really was listening all those years when you were seeking to reach his heart for My purposes. I have been working to reach down into his heart and call him to myself, and he has made the choice to follow.  You can trust me to continue the work I have started."

I'm so glad God has inside access to my children's hearts!  And I've been blessed to watch the evidence of that access play out in Joel's life these many years since this conversation, as he's discovered the ministry that exists for him within music composition.

How might you need to trust God in leading your children--or yourself!--today?

Joel, now into his profession and loving having found God's place for him.

He will be sharing more stories from his life.

I hope some of you will be able to join Joel and me at Life Giving Home Evening Encounters. He will be sharing music and stories and I will be speaking about home as a place to mentor and inspire.

Dallas/Ft. Worth

San Diego

Nashville

For more family stories and ideas to spark your own traditions, trust, and teaching times, see The LifeGiving Home!