Controlling the Chaos, Moving to a Sustainable Life & A New Podcast

"The chaos of my life consumed me and left me empty."

"As for our days, they contain 70 years or if due to strength, 80, but soon it is gone and will fly away. So teach us to number our days that we might present to you a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90: 10, 12

Tears sprang to my eyes this week out of the blue. I had been working every day with Nathan on our book, we had out of town company for two days, I taught at a Bible study in town, planned fun meals and times for the kids with Nathan home for a couple of weeks and gave Joy a really fun birthday--and birthday party with family and personal friends.

I was just exhausted. Early morning found me up and working at 5:00 a.m. and by 7, I found one of the kids was disappointed about some minor issue in our plans. Tears sprang to my eyes, (I do not cry very often), and I knew my self was speaking to myself! Slow down, stop the flow of life, simplify, and take a break.

Do you feel the chaos mounting in your life? What speaks chaos to you? It is different for each person. Piles in your home? Stress in relationships, always being behind, and the feeling that you are failing at life can create irritability, and a disagreeable spirit. Then follows guilt.

From the vantage point of having finished six decades, I am more aware than ever that life flies by. One day flows into another and then months flow into years. But somehow, so many I know keep going, one empty day after the other.

Owning our chaos means naming our drainers.

Taming our stress means to figure out the voices that are making us feel we aren't doing enough, enticing us to overcommit. God has not asked us to do more than we can do, so if we feel exhausted all the time, we are not managing our time well.

More than ever, I have seen, this month, that my closest friends, Clay, my kids, want my time, my focussed attention. So if I have not built margin into my schedule, I will feel pushed when they want my attention.

I am taking a few days off this week to play with one of my children and to have time away. Taming my own chaos. I hope you enjoy our webcast tonight and share with us what you are learning in our series about Owning Your Life, especially this week: Overcoming Chaos. Tell us what you think. Share with us what you are learning.

Remember, studies show that 88% of mothers feel severely stressed and overcome with anxiety due to poor time management and difficulty prioritizing.

Below are some areas of life to consider. Do these add to the chaos in your life?

Life is short and ideals are constantly interrupted, so we need to be sure to focus on the most important ideals. Most of all, plan for this:

The people God has placed in our lives should be the biggest priority.

Do the priority people in your life (your children, your husband, your parents, your friends) feel that you are often distracted by all the things you do? Do they comment on how much they appreciate your ability to give full attention to them or do they complain that you are not listening?

"But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said,

'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone?

Then tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered and said to her,

'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." -Luke 10:40-42

Worst of all, is the neglect of our Father. He is so ready to give peace, to guide us in wisdom through His gentle voice, to take the burden of performance off our backs, to relieve our guilt; but if we do not still our souls, we are likely to get into a snit as Martha did. We create our own snits by refusing to take time to be comforted in the presence of our living, loving Father.

We must make time to sit at His feet so we don't get into a huff. If you are too busy, the consequences will be grumpiness, frustration, and missed opportunities. (What is causing you the most stress and depleting your life? What can you do about it?)

Being women of wisdom means setting realistic goals so that we don't become drained. When we are constantly operating on a tank of gas that is almost empty, we have little in our hearts from which others may draw. It is so easy to listen to the voices of others and feel the guilt of performing up to other's expectations, instead of committing to the limitations and strengths of our own puzzle of life.

Make a list today of what you can reasonably accomplish and cut out those drainers that are unnecessary. What do you need to cut out? What do you need to add to your life to give your children more of a sense of love, peace and affection? Getting our priorities in order enables us to be better mothers, wives, friends, and women of God.

Make a plan to incorporate in your life the ideals that lead to real relationships and eternal values.

Control your life by eliminating time wasters.

Identify the areas of life you have neglected that will bring you more health--activities that bring pleasure, give peace, cultivate new interests, inspire your mind and heart.

Today, each of has a choice--will we take time to celebrate the joys that God has provided? The beauty that He wants us to explore? The sweetness of intimacy that comes from investing heart time with those we love?

The chores and responsibilities will always be there, but the time to invest in the ones we love, will soon be gone.

Cut your chaos, cultivate a peaceful life, create close relationships. Live a life that values all the matters.

Hope you enjoy the podcast!

Hope you can come see us for our Life Giving Home Encounters. Joel will be giving a mini-concert, sharing some of our family traditions. I will be speaking about Hospitality, Ordering Your Home, Mentoring Your Children, and Engaging  your children in Ministry and Faith. I will have a question and answer time and be there to meet you when the evening is over. You can register online below. Hope you can make it! I would love for you to tell your friends.

Be sure to get in on the early bird registration. Tickets will cost more at the door. Only a limited amount of tickets available at the lower price. Register HERE.

Enjoy today, It is a gift! Celebrate Your People

My beloved Colorado sunset on my walk every night down the road from my house.

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."

John Lubbock, a writer from England 1860's

I am moving in the direction of breathing this summer. Noticing the iris's now blooming in Colorado, enjoying the aspens blowing, and planning more time with my dear friends in town that I just don't see often enough.

Just finishing a book today that will come out next January. My book tells the story of God giving me the gift of Nathan, my ADD, ODD, OCD, learning issues child to teach me about what really matters in life. I have reflected on so many truths I learned in the writing of this book and have been so very touched by Nathan's writing. Every mom should write a book with their child, if only to see what was really going on inside! :)

I think you will like it because I like it! :) Remembering the stories and writing about our journey together provided the ones at home great moments to remember, to really remember how much fun we had together in our home, amidst all the challenges and lessons. We have all been ending our evenings on our back deck, watching the sun set and sharing moments of life. There were times I didn't know if my children would ever get along, ever stop fussing, if anything I was doing mattered. And now I know, your investment of love and time matters so much. You are shaping souls, building vision. giving a foundation of stability upon which they will stand in their adult lives. My greatest happiness these two weeks that Joy, Joel and Nathan have been home is to see them together, being best friends.

As I wrote stories of my unique story with him, it made me truly miss those years. I do miss those years when I had my own little club--Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy--all together, going in the car together, reading together, doing bed time routines and hugging their little squishy warm bodies, and nursing and rocking my babes--though it was all foreign to me at first, now I miss them being right here where I learned to love being a mama. So now, I am thankful for the days they are here--even if we do eat and mess up the house all the time, and then have one more tea, coffee, treat and then eat again.......

Happiness comes to me when I get to choose my summer flowers. Here are some of my blues.

I am spending time on my front porch because I love the outdoors. I bought my summer flowers and now am enjoying them. I pile books thinking I will read them, but mainly end up dreaming and being distracted by what is going on--yesterday, 3 bunnies actually ran and played for 15 minutes. This month we have had turkey running through, numerous groups of deer, squirrels,  and lots of blue jays squawking and protecting their eggs and chicks from the squirrels.

Having a cup of tea with something sweet, however tiny,  is a habit I will continue into this summer--just seems the right thing, somehow!  :) But still going to try to lose 10 pounds for the wedding and photos. :)

 I am still on that kick of doing the 10,000 steps every day for about a month. I use the app on my iphone. I love walking and it is so fun in Colorado at nights.

I, who love to cook and provide, find myself every night not wanting to make dinner, so we are snacking more than usual. I wonder if I will ever cook again. And then last night I ended up making an old fashioned homemade fried chicken tenders with mashed potatoes and gravy. (my secret recipe). Tonight, organic turkey sausage on the grill and friends. Then tomorrow all of us fly out while Joel and Clay stay home to take care of Darcy Dog.

What is an easy summer meal that you go to all the time? I need some suggestions.

Also, want to know what your summer rituals are in your home?

So what are you up to?

Maybe you will want to read the Life Giving Home this summer to inspire you with renewed vision for your home as a strong foundation for life this summer in your free time. I have loved speaking about this at our evening seminars, especially after having my own adult children home this spring and friends who have visited from afar. You can get it HERE

Off to sleep, which I am also excited about every night--going to bed! What does that suggest? :)

Register HERE for Dallas.

Register HERE for San Diego.

I am excited to be taking a short trip to Dallas and to San Diego for an evening up close and personal with Joel. I will be sharing stories from our lives, home, thoughts about mentoring children to become great in character. I love these smaller evenings where we get to meet many of you and have time to talk. I hope many of you can join us at these events. Be sure to register. The registration fee helps to pay for our flights and international ministry. We are always grateful to be able to spend time with kindred spirits.

Please share with your friends. Hope to see you there.

Gathering In For Home and Soul

Sitting outside amidst pine trees, a coral setting sun, our crew gathered on the deck. We find the company of each other an affirmation of our essential selves. We find rest, freedom to be ourselves, a place to belong away from the eyes of the world. Crazy though it is, our family are all idealistic writers. Each of us at home this week, (Nathan, Joel, Joy, Clay and me) are working on book deadlines. We cherish the power of the word, and the Word become flesh. Our deck has become a haven of retreat, food, drink, giggles, awash with the antics of our already beloved golden retriever, Darcy, amidst a week of hard work hours and hours every day.

As I look at life from my 60's, I can see how having a place to retreat, a place to grow up without the expectations of outside peers and pressure to perform has been of infinite value. Home is the place where all should feel they belong. It is a place for immature people to grow steadily toward maturity. A place where people are believed in for what someday they will become but may not be yet. A place where the foundation of love is set in steel so that at the end of the day, all fusses, let downs, blow ups, straining towards ideals in a life that is so secular, it disdains ideals--that love holds us all, every day, unconditionally. Love that believes forward by faith in what one will become while saying that today, I love you, because I understand vulnerability. 

Home is a place where even teens can feel a freedom to grow, wiggle, change, question, push. I was remembering how important this was to a sweet one who needed to know I understood that ideals ar what we move toward, even if the warp and woof of life is constantly in flux with growing people.

Furrowed eyebrows above large dark eyes was the signal to me as a mom that something was not right with one of my children. Like my other precious ones, she had faced the challenge of growing up more or less in public and was feeling exposed and fragile, inadequate to live into such a pressured role.

God has blessed our family with the opportunity to interact with so many people from so many different walks of life and to touch others with our ministry, but I had learned very quickly that this was not always easy for my children. And this particular child had begun to grow into a challenging point of adolescence and especially needed attention and affirmation from me.

“Mama, do you ever feel like a hypocrite when your life is so . . .visible? Doesn’t it get hard to keep on writing and speaking about your ideals when your failures are right out there for people to see? Do you ever feel disqualified?”

She went on: “I really need to get away from the voices and eyes of the world right now. Can’t we hole up in the house for a few days and just be ourselves, with all our warts and weirdnesses?” We ended up doing just that.

Truth be told, I could totally relate to what my sweet daughter was saying. I feel like quitting ministry about ten times a week! I am just a normal Christian woman wanting to love Jesus and live according to His example, and God simply called me into a more public place than I would ever have chosen.

How well I know what my child was discovering—the vulnerability that comes from being a leader, from publicly standing firm on an ideal. You put your neck out and stand for principles, and yet you are still only human and make mistakes along the way. Not everyone understands, and there is plenty of criticism to face in the journey.

Add to that our breakneck, high- pressure, high-consumption contemporary culture and it’s easy to reach a place where we feel depleted, needing a place of safety and refuge, desperately thirsty for emotional, physical, and spiritual water to refresh us. The way I have been able to bear all this (most of the time) is to make our fallibility a part of our message. I’ve always been up- front about the reality that I and my family aren’t perfect or always strong.

The way I have been able to bear all this (most of the time) is to make our fallibility a part of our message. I’ve always been up- front about the reality that I and my family aren’t perfect or always strong.

We fall down and mess up like any other family. But even when we’ve blown it, struggled with the dark side of life, or wallowed in our own sin and selfishness, God has been faithful to us. The heart of my message is that God still redeems every moment, every mistake, and every failure.

It is a risk to stand for something, to seek after the holy ways of God, to keep going when you are weary to the bone, to love when you feel hurt and rejected, especially by those who call themselves Christians. Every one of us will be called in some capacity to live into a call that is holy, separating us from the world, and leading us to pathways towards God--and will face this struggle in some way.

That’s why all of us need a place of escape from time to time. We need a home—but not just any home. Home needs to be a haven of safety, acceptance, and unconditional love, a place where we can rest and find refuge from all the devastating and depleting parts of life. And mamas need grace of forgiveness and compassion most of all.

When the storms and difficulties come, home should be the first line of defense against despair, the place doubt can be fully expressed, yet find a place to move forward to faith. A place where failure moments can be met with, "I understand," and ideals can still be at the foundation to hold it up. This is why we must guard our homes as if they were our very lifelines. Because they are! And God wants us to find his mercy, compassion and love in this place of breathing rest.

The Promise of Another Golden Summer

The view of our beloved Pike's Peak on a morning walk with Joy, downtown this week.

 Chattering as we go, measuring our 10,000 daily steps, camaraderie and belonging, bubble over in all of our walks in the wild near our home. A circle of us around a card game, sitting out on the deck for dinner with candlelight, sleeping on the back porch under the clouds, sitting out under the stars in the front yard, or our daily walk on wild paths, are some of the rituals we keep every day as we continue to talk, giggle, pontificate and are awash in the golden moments of our lovely Colorado.

I am always and always tired and weary when I get to late May, early June. It used to be ending a school year with myriad activities. Now it seems to always be mounting high, idealistic adventures with our adult kids' dreams and projects and for the last several years, another book deadline. May 30, one more book written! :)

Sarah will be home soon to find a wedding dress, and make final arrangements for her wedding in August. Nathan has just visited for two golden weeks while writing our book about out of the box kids, and a webcast to share some of our heart with you. Joel and Joy here for the time being, working to save for their schools in the United Kingdom next year, (Joel getting his Masters of Conducting and Choral Music in Cambridge and Joy a Masters of Theology of Imagination at St. Andrews),  and we have so many wonderful memories ahead to make in one more Colorado summer. We mark our lives by one more meal or tea time we seem to be eating all the time in summer when everyone comes together. As the kids said at the conferences this year, we are all hobbits. If we didn't walk every day, we would be 900 pounds big and happy.

Our favorite snack meal--(especially if I make home-made bread or buy some from a friend!) fruit, chips, hummus, cheese, sandwich meat rolled up, popcorn, and whatever we have in the cupboard that is already made. This helps when I don't want the kitchen to get hot because we do not have air conditioning. The rare days that the temperature is over 90, we just wait through the days, as at 7250 feet high, we just live with the windows open and sleep with fresh mountain air every night.

Now that everyone is older, I make each child (all adults) cook one dinner meal during the week and wash all of the dishes on that night. Then they have 5 other days of the week totally off. All of us have become pretty good cooks--and all of us are natural, organic types, so it is great fun to feast together.

Many of you loved this recipe in the past and I have had new requests for it.One more easy meal that even the boys make was begun by Sarah. So it became:

Sarah-strone

2 Turkey sausages sliced thin

I whole onion, chopped

a heaping tablespoon of garlic

1 large can (29 ounces?) tomatoes (I like the chopped)

1 full can of water--or a little more to taste

2-3 thinly sliced zucchini

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

1 can beans (navy beans preferred--but we didn't have them last night so we used pinto)

1-2 teaspoons salt to taste

1 heaping tablespoon Italian seasoning

Saute sausage, onions and garlic in olive oil in a large soup pan. Add the tomatoes, water, salt and zucchini. Simmer for 20-30 minutes until the zucchini is soft. Add the beans and seasoning and salt. Simmer another little while (I think it tastes better if you just leave it on to simmer while you are doing other things--the tastes blend together better.)

Sprinkle Parmesan cheese and a small dollop of sour cream on top and enjoy!

This was a great summer treat for us last year that Sarah made up on the spur of the moment! I had to repeat it this week to be sure I knew how! It is a real pleaser.

The pathway behind our home--awash in beautiful blues, gorgeous--everywhere!

Every once in a while, life seems at peace in all areas.

 It does not happen often, but when it does, I have learned to cherish each moment and store up the goodness of it for future times.

Walking with Joy and the boys last night in our nearby national forest. God smiling from heaven.

Finally, after all the weeks of travel, turning in 2 books, hosting friends from afar in our home,   I am putting rhythms into our lives--for my sake.  We all feel called to minster as a family and to speak and reach out and do what the Lord has put on our plates to do, but really, we love home--the comfort, the meals, the fellowship and the life.

So every day that we are able to cherish this life is a gift.

Clay is in his element with most  of us home to talk and have fun--soon to be everyone--and life will be wild but good. Sometimes with all the noise he retreats to his man-cave, but we feel happy to be together again.

Giddy about Sarah's upcoming wedding in Oxford. Can't wait to have Nathan come back to shoot a new film, soon after Sarah's wedding. We are all such pals and I will deeply miss all of the fuss and fun when they all leave by fall.

This, after all the seasons of living through the stages of younger children--those times when you wonder if your children will be friends.

And wonder if you have more conflict in your home than others do--but I have to say, if you are raising your children to be confident, independent thinkers--there will always be a little tension.

Since I know my children don't come home for as long now, when they want to talk, I drop everything. When they say, "Hey, Mom, fix me breakfast--it always tastes better when you do it." Then I do it and enjoy it, knowing sometime soon, they will be gone. But also knowing that it was being available to make many such memories and serving them so often when they little boys and wee girls, that makes them want to come home one more time.

So happy to be full into summer warmness, at least we have hit the 60's, and leaving the duties of the world behind.

I wish you a golden summer with room to breathe and beauty to enjoy.

Grace & Wisdom for the Out of the Box Child in Your Life

What makes a child gifted and talented may not always be good grades in school, but a different way of looking at the world and learning.

Chuck Grassley

ADD, OCD, ODD, rebellious, out of control, learning issues, mental illness, depressed, and more were the various evaluations we heard over the years about Nathan, my 27 year old son.

The past two weeks he has been home and we have been busily working on our new book about our story as mother and child living in a mysterious world of all of these issues. As we have reflected on our journey from birth to young adulthood, it has brought us, once again, closer to realize all that we have been through together.

We want our webcast to be as helpful as possible. We know end of the school year is filled with activities and all are exhausted from a long winter, but we thought we would do a webcast while he is home for a couple of weeks, as he will not be here again until the fall.

Some of the things we will discuss cover teen issues, as well as educational issues, sibling problems, the comments from well-meaning others who have a perfect solution for your child--even though they do not have a clue of what your life at home is like--and how not to walk in guilt.

Hope you can join us. Tell us some of your questions below and we will try to get to some of them. Looking forward to meeting with you tonight--7 Mountain Time, live, comments from others all over the world.

You can listen and watch this later if you are not able to attend tonight, but the price will go up slightly after Tuesday night, for service and admin. Sign up HERE

PS We have to shut down registration when we activate the webcast software. Please sign up early as we cannot let you in the webcast after we have begun connecting to those coming into our web area.

Building Your Life on the Right Foundations Own Your Life Podcast Series

Michelangelo's Painting of Creation of Man

Starting with the right foundations

Last summer, as Joy and I ventured out on a ministry exploratory trip to Italy, we stopped on our first jet-lagged day to see the Vatican. Marveling at the classic paintings, inlaid tile, marble statues filled us with a sense of reverence for the lives that had gone before through hundreds of years in this ancient city.

Yet, once again, my imagination stirred at the frescoes Michelangelo painted while lying on his back in the small, lovely Sistine Chapel-the story of the Bible painted through His imagination.

There again, I was filled with awe to see the fingers of God touching the fingers of man to bring life to his being. God created man, crafted him to bear his image, placed his fingerprints on his DNA. It is no small thing to be created, specially designed, imagined in the mind of the one who crafted the whole universe.

Each of us has the imprint, the unique touch of God on our lives. We have stored within our being the spectacular ability to think profoundly, to act heroically, to love sacrificially, to accomplish works of excellence, to live faithfully. Each of us is a miracle with only one life in which to live into the profound design that God has placed on our lives.

If there was one legacy I wish I could leave to other women, it would be to help them think more Biblically, to know more about the transcendent God who is their Father, and to have confidence because of the magnitude of His life inside of us.

When a woman knows scripture--the whole counsel of scripture, not just verses here and there taken out of context-- gaining a Biblical understanding from Genesis to Revelation, then she has more confidence and ease in her walk with God. It is also why I hope to give a good bit of my life in the next years to our podcasts, where women will learn a little of Biblical instruction, foundations, prayer, Bible study--to follow God in our lives as we serve and love Him. I hope to continue to invest my life into helping women know how to teach and love God in such a way in front of their children, that their children embrace a vibrant faith. But to pass on great faith requires that we cultivate a deep faith for ourselves.

God makes it clear throughout scripture that his priority for us is to know Him and love Him with our whole heart and mind.

"Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, let not a rich man boast of his riches, let not a mighty man boast of his might, but let him who boasts, boast of this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the God who exercises lovingkindness and righteousness on the earth for I delight in these things." Jeremiah 9: 23-24

And, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." Psalm 127

And so the starting point for any arena in our lives must be God--our worship of Him and knowledge of Him and obedience--a heart that wants to please God.

So, let me begin by  praying  for all who read this today. "Lord, I pray that each one who reads these blog articles and listens to these podcasts will be led by you. I pray you will provide them with insight, skill, love, wisdom and the understanding of what it means to be filled with your Spirit and to walk by faith in this journey of motherhood. And bless them with strength, joy and a sense of affirmation in their great calling as parents. I come to you in the precious name of Jesus. Amen"

A part of knowing and trusting God is to understand and embrace that He knows our circumstances, He sees us, He is able to redeem every single situation and can restore health to our weak, exhausted or damaged lives.

I love the verse, "‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. "

A part of us living joyfully with God in the midst of our circumstances is embracing this truth--He has "plans for our welfare"--He has our best in mind. "not for calamity--but to give you a future and a hope."

Right now, where all of us are--there is hope for a better future if we allow Him to guide our lives.

Romans  8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Often we are tempted to say:

It is too late. I have already messed up my children." "I am scarred by the decisions I have made." "I can't even imagine how God can redeem my life right now, or my circumstances."

When I gave my life to the Lord, almost immediately and for the next 12 years, my life became very hard--illness in my family, a divorce in my family, problems in my personal life, problems in the ministry, loneliness as a single woman, difficulties with work, finances--2 car wrecks, a church split, immoral leaders in our church, and on and on. Throughout some of this time, I thought, "God, do you care about me? I can't believe that I have loved you so much and you have allowed all of this to happen."

Today on the podcast, and in this chapter of Own Your Life, I shared more about my "come to Jesus" moment while hiding behind a couch, and finding that my place of utter fear and disillusionment became a place of worship for me and put me on a road to understanding what would become the messages of my whole life.

Yet, now, I look back and see that, because God was a great parent to me. He did not pay attention to my immature toddler whining, because He had my best in mind. He wanted me to grow stronger, more compassionate, more full of faith, more loving and patient. His allowing the difficult circumstances in my life helped to take away all of the false hopes I was depending on to be happy. His way of leading me led me to freedom and maturity and in the end more contentedness.

God is the God of second chances and His whole nature is to love and redeem. So, know that He is in your home, He sees you, hears your cry and may just be working great things--even if you can't see or understand how. He favors those who seek Him and obey Him and He is a God of compassion and will work in and through your life.

(Even as a Father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. Psalm 103: 13)

Once my little girl was having a grand time eating a huge bag of potato chips she had found in our cupboard. When I had to take the chips away from her so that she would not get a stomach ache, she fell down on the floor and sobbed as though I had been utterly mean to her! But, as her mother, I knew what was best. I ignored her crying and took her in my arms and held her and sang to her in a rocking chair until she settled down.

But a part of our submitting to God and experiencing His love and care is in releasing our expectations of life into His hands and trusting Him even when we cannot easily feel or see Him, but trusting Him that he is good and a kind Father.

It all starts with your view of God--if you choose to believe that He is loving, you will face your circumstances with courage, patience, faith. But if you just want Him to do your will your way--you may find life disappointing. He is all wise and knows just how to turn every part of our life puzzle into good, or wisdom or redemption--if we trust all of the details of our lives into His hands--and trust what His word teaches us.

Ultimately, so much of what I lived and what I know to be true, I learned by reading scripture, pondering it, studying it, seeking to really know God and walking with Him. Pondering Christ, who is the perfect reflection of God, according to Hebrews 1.

Women will go the way of their church culture, media culture, family culture, peer culture--they will follow whoever is leading, unless they have developed their own convictions. We will listen to other voices if we have not learned to discern the voice of God.

The problem with this kind of approach is that it leads to whims, to whatever way the cultural wind is blowing.

And so, God, our heavenly Father, wants us to climb into His arms, to surrender all of ourselves into His capable hands. I love this verse that speaks so generously of how tender God's love is for us: ""As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you." Isaiah 66:13

God even compares himself to a mother who holds, cherishes and comforts His child.

Today, remember that His plans for you are for your welfare. He loves you and is bigger than any difficulty you face. He understands all of your ways, and He longs to give you hope and blessing.

Enjoy the podcast for this week, let us know what you think, and please share it!

Don't forget to sign up for the live webcast for Tuesday, May 24, 7:00 Mountain time. If you can't join us live, if you register, you can listen to it at your leisure. We will be discussing:

*If you are discouraged in your role as a mom, find hope for learning how to love and accept your children and your role with more grace.

*Discerning personality differences and learning how to reach the hearts of challenging children.

*Learning to find help for your out of the box children.

*Understanding from a real out of the box child how he felt about growing up "different" and what helped him to keep going.

*Learning how to endure with grace through the difficult pathways of motherhood.

Hope you can join Nathan and me. We are learning so much together as we are finishing writing our new book this week. Register HERE

Celebrating Family Culture

The flicker of candlelight, the luscious aromas of hot cinnamon rolls and strong coffee, and lots of noise and laughter filled the kitchen as we tucked into breakfast together. Thus began our twenty-fifth year of celebrating the story and heritage of our family. Family Day, as we call it, is a time of remembering who we are as a family as well as documenting what God has done in our family and committing to Him our hopes for the future.

It all started back when our kids were little, with a passage from the Old Testament. We read that Joshua, commissioned with the difficult task of overseeing the Hebrew people after Moses’ death, knew that his people needed to constantly be reminded of who they were—God’s chosen people who had been called to possess the land

God had provided for them. So Joshua came up with a unique way to make the abstract truth of God’s promises very tangible and real to the Israelites. They would gather large memorial stones and place them as a monument to stand throughout many generations, documenting God’s faithfulness to His people (see Joshua 4).

Clay and I wanted our children to have that kind of palpable reminder of God’s commitment to our family. So we began setting aside an annual day to name and remember the important events of the previous twelve months. In the very beginning we used actual pebbles for our “memorial stones” and had the kids draw pictures of the events. As the kids grew older, we just listed the events, although we persisted in calling the items in the list “stones.” We thanked

God for every stone and preserved all of our pictures and lists in a family album. This tradition gave our children an expectation that we would always be purposeful and intentional about who our family was, what we stood for, and how we would approach our future.

We still have Family Day every year even though our children are now grown and living away from home, and we still begin the day by listing our “memorial stones” together. This practice reminds us not only of God’s faithfulness to us individually and as a family but also of the fact that we are inextricably tied to one another, bound in loyalty.

It is a renewed annual commitment to always be there for one another. Our Family Day celebration also helps us reaffirm our family culture—our values, traditions, tastes, words, and music, and the infinite amount of other things that define us as Clarksons.

Throughout the Old Testament, God was always commanding the Israelites to remember. His feast days were all about recalling what

He had provided in His faithfulness to His chosen people, and they were admonished to remember His teachings as well. I believe He wants us to remember, too, because forgetfulness is the fastest way to failure. Remembering is an act of rooting ourselves deep in the soil of our spiritual heritage.

When our children were growing up, we wanted to empower them by repeating the stories of God’s miraculous intervention throughout history and in our own lives. We shared with them how

God had taken our loaves and fish—a desire to start a ministry with no money, no books, and no conferences—and multiplied them beyond our wildest imaginations. We created a constant narrative of God’s desire to use them to change the world. And throughout the years we used our annual Family Day lists to affirm the little miracles along the way.

God is Out of the Box--And So Are We!

One cold, snowy winter's day, Nathan, then 14, and a budding philosopher,  was drinking a cup of hot chocolate in our kitchen. He said, "I'm so glad our God is out of the box in our home!"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, a lot of people we know act like God is mad or disappointed with us when we are not perfect. I'm even afraid of some of your mama friends and I sometimes feel like I might get in trouble just for being with them."

"It feels to me like lots of people we know think that God is more concerned about a rule to be kept and behavioral standard of quietness and respect to keep--knowing all the rules and keeping them."

"I am so glad the God we believe in is the One who created chili peppers for fajitas, Celtic music to dance to, puppy dogs to be snuggled, jokes for giggling, and stars to enjoy when we sleep out on the deck. We enjoy Him and celebrate Him in our home and look for his fingertips in creation. We don't just work for him—that's what I mean."

I was so thankful that is what he perceived in our home, at least at this time,—a personal creator-God, filled with infinite ideas of ways to fill our world with things to enjoy. And a place where he could feel he belonged with all of his bigger-than-life personality.

Many Christians tend to defend fervently their theological underpinnings and argue rigorously the tenets of doctrine. Yet often I have observed that in choosing to live only in a cerebral world of "what I know intellectually about God," they miss so much of his personality and nature, which can be observed through his role as the Artist.

Please know that I am an avid student and teacher of scripture and love the foundational truths that fill my mind and soul that I also upheld through the years in our home.

Yet because we live in an isolated, somewhat cerebral time, we define our worth by what we know or what kind of a degree we have or by the work we accomplish. Our spirituality is often expressed by the theological philosophy we claim—charismatic or reformed or Baptist or Catholic. Data, facts, and knowledge as reflected by scores on academic tests are often the measure of a person's worth.

God condemned the pharisees for being men of law and no compassion for the downhearted or heart for the true God. They were more concerned about keeping law than loving God.

Why do I keep on writing articles about beauty, creation, the boundaries of God's life being bigger than we can imagine? Because I live in a world of young adults that are leaving the faith by the droves. Children who are raised on the dry bones of rules rather than on the vibrant love, beauty and goodness of a living God are not captivated in their hearts to follow God. Rules do not engage the heart or imagination of living a great story for God's glory.

God is interested in us engaging with Him through our days, in prayer, worship by serving Him in the many moments of our daily life. Our children will believe in God when they see that He influences, fills and inspires our behavior and attitudes through out all the seasons of our lives because He is real to us--both through His word and through His spirit living through our lives.

Life is fast-paced, efficient, impersonal.

We regularly shut God out of our lives to center our attention on worldly achievement or efficiency and then wonder where He has gone.

Such an overemphasis on the academic and technological determines that a relationship with God will be dryly intellectual or clever but obviously absent of feeling, awe inspiring reverence as at the beauty of a snowflake and delight in the colors and variety that also express his personality.

It would be like writing or defending a long treatise on the role of a father, his character, and the history of fatherhood—separate from relating personally and intimately with him. No "report on fatherhood" would ever satisfy our need to experience life with an actual father, the life that comes from engaging in the personality, friendship, and companionship of a real live person.

God intended that we become witnesses of his beauty, design, color, and pleasure so that we could gain a more intimate, real, and personal knowledge of him. God does not want to be just a thought to know, but a personally engaging friend and Father whose relationship with us is filled with memory, delight, and moments to be experienced and enjoyed.

Is your picture of God, his transcendence, HIs joy, His beauty, His love and affection a part of the design of your home? Your home is a workshop to reflect the many facets of the jewel of His reality. What three things can you begin to change in your home so that everyone feels they have come into contact with the Living, vibrant God when they come through the doors of your home?

Be inspired with new ideas and ways to bring His reality in your home through The Lifegiving Home.

Also, don't forget to sign up for our live webcast next Tuesday night where Nathan and I will be sharing more about our thoughts of giving all of our children, especially our out of the box ones, a place to belong and become all that they were meant to be.

Information at the link below!

Don't miss an evening, up close and personal--Your Out of the Box Child

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My Nathan is home!

Sequestered alone in Sarah's room, where for the moment, no one could find me, I began to read the chapters of the book Nathan had sent to me. We had embarked on another unique journey for us to write a book about what it was like for him, and for me, to go through our journey as a mama and boy through the years of our home with him, the out of the box boy, (clinical ocd, add, a spectrum of autism and a few other tiny issues), and me the mama who had to figure it all out.

I had never really asked him how he had felt being different than the others--a more different kind of different. But now, here were his memories all tied in a bundle of words. His heartfelt issues that followed him, made his "fitting in" harder, finding home a safe haven have all opened up memories and a new world of understanding into his heart.

I know so many of you have children who are "different" in their own ways--perhaps harder to reach, carrying some mysterious issues that you are trying to figure out, or just wanting to know how to reach the hearts of all of your children who are different from one another.

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Nathan and I are working on the final parts of the book these next two weeks, so we decided that since we were together, we would do a live webcast and share some of what we have discovered through the years of his life in our home. I hope you will join us if you need encouragement, hope, inspiration or just sympathy in your journey of motherhood. You can sign up for the webcast HERE or by putting your curser on the box below. 

We all love children who are easy to train and quick to learn, but what does it look like to love the kid who is mysterious, challenging, and outside-the-lines? How on earth do you even begin with your child who just can't quite be tamed? Tune in to this dynamic conversation between Sally Clarkson and her own "superman" son, Nathan, and gain an understanding of what it means to cherish the unique person that God has created your challenging child to be. Learn how God has particularly chosen you for the task of seeking out their gifts, understanding their different voice, and learning to see the image of God within them. Sally will give her own unique insight and practical suggestions about how to help your children grow and flourish, even those with special challenges and setbacks. Nathan will share from his own heart about his experience as a child with a different personality and a unique mind, and give you rare insight into how an outside-the-box kid might operate.

Included topics:

- What could possibly be going through my child's mind?

- Reach the heart, not the behavior

- Love them for how God has created them, not how we want them to be

- Unique Children Require Unique Paths

And much more!

Please join us for this very special conversation, and gain a deeper understanding of how to love your own "different" children! 

Great News! Our friends from Dallas have invited us to an evening up close and personal with me and my son Joel for a Life Giving Home Encounter. We would love to see you there and have an evening of meeting and talking to many of you who we communicate with every day through the blog and podcasts. Join us and bring your friends for beautiful evening together. Register HERE

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Intentionally Learning to Own Your Life

 

"Mama, I just can't wait to talk to you. After all of these years, I am seeing so many elements of my life dove-tailing into a focussed purpose and a really happy life. I can see how God was using all of the years of waiting on Him, being faithful, studying hard, living through years of faith and loneliness to prepare me for a time when I would flourish."

As I rolled over sleepily, yawning, stretching and trying to get my eyes to open, I grabbed my phone to check the time. The darkness of night was fading away into the early freshness of a Monday morning. The little "ding" had awakened me to tell me I had a text and I knew it would probably be one of my kids--either Nathan in New York or Sarah in Oxford. Both sent texts before I was out of bed on lots of mornings where it was barely 6 in the morning, my time.

As it happens, this time it was Sarah. What an amazing season this has been for her. Working 20 hours a week while studying in Oxford was a rhythm she had to practice and grow into, as the labor for her job and for her many thousands of pages she had to read and the papers she had to write were an uphill challenge. Falling in love with a kindred spirit, wonderful man, who had also been practicing faithfulness his whole life was now culminating into a "blessed by all" engagement. Sarah was beginning to become recognized in areas of writing, thinking and ideas by her professors and leaders in Oxford that she had been working on for years. This had given her one of the most productive years of her young adulthood.

At almost 33, she was seeing the many years of prayers coming together to answer beyond what she ever imagined. But without the years of practicing faithfulness, waiting on God, studying and writing books, learning to live a life thad had seasons of perseverance and  loneliness, she would never be suited to the challenging life God has taken her to in Oxford. Her period of waiting on God and enduring through many difficult years with very little promise of what would come, caused her to seek God over and over again. It required faith in what she hoped for, conviction of things not seen. She had dreamed of studying in Oxford for years, but always there were obstacles that seemed impossible to overcome.

Most of us must wait through years of growth and training to begin to see the work of our lives starting to come to fruition. Through these years of challenge, how important it is that we Own Our Lives by walking them in faith and obedience in our Father, God.

Sarah and me recently when I went to Oxford to help her plan her wedding. :)

Over a decade of one challenging year after the other, as she prayed and waited for God to open doors, I encouraged Sarah to keep going, keep praying, keep working. But as a parent I could not remove her from the stress she had to live through as a young adult. She had to build her own spiritual muscle one day at a time. And yet, now I see the fruit of an adult who is entering into perhaps the greatest years and most abundant work of her life. Without the faithfulness in the hard years, the fruitful years would not have been possible.

When I held Sarah as a babe in my arms, I dreamed of the Pollyanna perfect life I wanted her to have--all roses, good friends and happiness of life. Instead, as I prayed for her to become godly, the challenges of her life increased. Difficulty, illness, challenges seemed to accompany her wherever she went. When I was questioning God about his tactics, it was as though he whispered, "Make up your mind--do you want her to be spiritually strong and a shining light in her culture doing kingdom work as an adult or do you want her to be a happy wimp, without character and wisdom! I have a plan for her life that will lead her to great moral and spiritual strength, but it will require you to let me lead her through paths of training without trying to remove the difficulty along the way.

God has created us for a life that will be filled with His blessing and favor. Yet, as our parent, he wants us to thrive after we have allowed Him to build the emotional, spiritual and godly character muscles of our lives required for his work. Godliness is a process of maturity and strength that comes through years of preparing our hearts to follow Him, our wills to be obedient, and our life choices to be ones of integrity.

As we begin reading through and discussing Own Your Life through the podcasts and blog posts in the months ahead, Kristen and I hope that you will be inspired, encouraged and engaged to continue to lean into God's will and choices for your own life. Summer is such a great time to establish new rhythms and goals for life.

Is it possible that you are in a season of training grounds within God's purposes to build spiritual and emotional strength and character? How are you leaning into His plans for you? The puzzle you now find yourself living?

Below are some questions from the book that we hope you will evaluate this week as you begin this series with us. Take time to sit alone with a journal, or with the Own Your Life journal, and answer these questions as we enter into some chapters of personal evaluation.

***Am I living an intentional life?

***Am I making decisions based on Biblical values?

***Am I choosing pathways that will create deep, loving relationships and give value to the people who personally connect with me?

***Am I willing to take risks of faith to invest my life in the things of eternity?

***Am I listening to the world (peer pressure) or to the voice of God?

***Am I living with Christ and His life as the pattern of my own life?

***Do I see this day, these circumstances as a place where I can fulfill God's will for me?

Enjoy the podcast and share it with friends! It is always great to go through a book or Bible study with friends and then you build your own support system.

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Nathan is flying in today to work more intensely with me on our new book about different, out of the box kids and how God gave us a story of grace for him and for me. If you have a child who is difficult, hard to handle or figure out, or a challenge to your parenting, sign up for our webcast--next Tuesday, we will spend an evening together sharing our story in a live webcast. Hope you can join us. Sign up by putting your curser on the box below and you can read more about the webcast!

Hope you have a great week. I am praying for those of you who come to my blog each day.