Storyformed Podcast, Episode #24 - Read For The Heart (Picture Books Edition)

To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.

~ Victor Hugo

In this episode, Holly Packiam and Jaime Showmaker discuss the picture books chapter in Sarah Clarkson's book, Read for the Heart. The book describes how her parents, Clay and Sally Clarkson, decided that one of the primary gifts they would give their children would be a childhood shaped by great stories. Sarah writes from the perspective of one whose own heart, mind, and soul were formed by books, and in doing so, invites us into what she calls 'the reading life'. We share some of her picture book recommendations in this episode. But this is more than an invitation to get through a reading list; it's an invitation into a reading life.

Topics Include: 

• The value in reading good books to our children

• Reasons for choosing Read for the Heart as your #1 resource for children's book recommendations

• Hallmarks of a classic children's book

• Picture book recommendations from Read for the Heart

To listen to this Storyformed podcast episode, click HERE.

This Spring ... Get Outside to See God's Glorious Art

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.”

Romans 1:20

Now that the storms are gone from England, a chill is still in the air. Yet, yesterday, I took a little bit of time with Joy who is visiting from Scotland, to romp around a lovely park nearby. As we walked, we observed hundreds of plants just ready to burst out with the happy yellow faces of daffodils so famous in these Oxford parts. I will be sure to show you some of the harvest here in the next week or two. And yes, oceans of bluebells just ringing out the amazing azure in a song of praise.

One of the best ways I can appeal to the yearnings for beauty and wonder that God has already placed in my and my children's hearts is to expose them to the many facets of God's artistry as expressed in what he made. The sheer splendor of his creation, from the tiniest plankton to the biggest whale, from microscopic crystals to soaring mountains, calls to the deepest part of our human nature. The beauty of the environment God designed for us to live in has the power to move us to tears and gives us a sense of joy and appreciation of life.

All of this God created for us to experience so that we could enjoy more fully the life that he prepared for us to know. He did not intend for these things to bring us fulfillment in themselves but to point beyond, to the Artist himself, in order to affirm his magnificence, his power, and his kindness and generosity in making our lives so full. He gave us a richly created world to help us know him better.

Creativity, after all, is one of the essential expressions of God's personality. He is the Master Designer who has the power to make something out of nothing and something fresh and new out of the ruins of something old. His inventiveness knows no boundaries.

The beauty of his handiwork is unparalleled. His creativity is awesome and powerful as well as unbelievably beautiful—he is the God of exploding volcanoes and awe-inspiring storms as well as rainbows and sunsets.

If you want to delight a little one or calm the hormones of a teen, take a spring walk in a wild area or park and decide to breathe in the beauty.

God will be waiting around the corner for you to show you something new of His beauty, color, love and goodness. Even his means of creation are creative, for sometimes he creates directly and sometimes he lends his creative powers to his children and delights in their inventiveness.

When is the last time you were impressed by the inventiveness and creativity of God? Do some research and find a new place you might explore.

Choosing to Overcome: OYL 11 & a Podcast

'He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.

Revelation 3:21

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt

I receive thousands of letters every year from sweet women who share their burdens of life with me. At this moment, I have 8 friends who have cancer. I know of 2 different women who lost their children recently at very young ages in a tragic accident. Several people who are dear to me have suffered abandonment from their spouses.  Stories told by these precious ones reveals a multitude of challenges and difficulties--autistic children, single parenthood, cancer, financial problems, marriage problems, exhaustion, anger, depression--the list goes on.

My heart breaks for each one, I so understand the weight of a broken heart. Yet, for us to live a sustainable life, to find light in our darkness, to pave the way for our children to understand what it means to walk with God, at some point, we have to seek to move beyond our hurts to healing. We must ask God for His mysterious and amazing redemption in the midst of broken stories or even just difficult times.

Jesus said, "In this world, you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world."

Take--an action of the will

Courage--choosing to be brave and deciding to find hope in the face of difficult circumstances

Why? Because He has overcome all of the challenges the world can bring His way.  He is with us. He will be the strength and wisdom we need to become overcomers.

With that in mind, we must understand that this is the fallen place, the place of spiritual battle as evidenced in the different stories of the women in my Bible studies. And I do understand a sympathize with you-life can, at times be brutally challenging.

And yet, as I read scripture and history, and get a little older each year,  I understand more now,  that these challenging seasons will follow us our whole lives until we are with Jesus.

Yet, the response we decide to practice can determine a whole different outcome in our stories if we learn to embrace being those who overcome our difficulties by walking through them trusting Him to give us wisdom, strength and guidance. As I have said before, heroes are made in times of battle. Yet, each of our lives will tell a story.

Each of us has been granted a portion from God--our own circumstances, obstacles, challenges, in which we are the only ones who can choose to be faithful and courageous. 

No one else gets our story. We are not allowed to choose someone else's story.

However, I see that often the circumstances, the giants of our lives, can bring fear, weariness, defeat.

But godly character comes into play when we determine to make a choice to be an over-comer--one who will turn towards every obstacle of life with a heart of faith.  We have the choice and opportunity to accept our own "portion" with faith and fortitude that says, "By God's grace, I will live this life, this moment today, with courage, strength, grace and joy. God is my strength. God is with me. God will guide me and God will leave me through."

This is especially true when it comes to moving beyond the hurt and wounds we have received from others. To not forgive or move to healing is like having cancer but not getting treatment for that cancer. 

We can only find healing by living God's ways. Forgiving, not listening to the condemning voices of others from our past but moving to the new messages God would whisper to our hearts.

We can choose to capitulate to fear, bitterness, an unforgiving attitude, lack of acceptance, or any other attitude that we allow to rule our heart that leads us to give up our ideals.

If we want to pass on faith to our children, a real, vibrant, strong faith, then in our trials, we must exhibit to them faith that practices walking with God, persevering, holding fast to convictions, even when they don't seem to matter.

Faith must believe that He is--that He is with us, that He is good, that He is in control, that He will reward us in His time and in His way.

The decisions we make when no one else is looking, will determine the ultimate outcome of our character...

and the ability to become leaders or women of influence. Or going down in the memory of our children as those who were never able to get beyond the sadnesses of life. And when we pass on our own defeat, it becomes the model they remember. 

Dancing with My Father: How God Leads Us into a Life of Grace and Joy

I wrote the book Dancing with my Father during a time in which I realized I did not want to be a victim in life, but one who learned to listen to the voice of God, to hear His heart, to listen to the music of His spirit to carry me through the dark passages of life.

I have learned over the years that is ti not in some distant future time, when all of my trials are gone, that I will be able to be more spiritual. It is this day, this moment, where I must gird up strength and choose to trust, rest and obey.

There are brave, courageous women in my midst, who against formidable odds, have held fast to Jesus and their stories are breath-taking and encouraging and cause me to want to trust Jesus more for my own problems.

However, there are also in my midst, whiners--women who nurture the idea that they are being "picked on" by God, that somehow He has given them more than they can take, that they are a victim of life.This victim mentality will cause havoc for the rest of their lives, as women who do not trust God and choose to believe in His goodness will be left to battles of soul the rest of their lives. I see and hear from sweet women, who have become victims because they have not had the heart to accept life as God has given it--they have practiced complaining and shaking their fists at heaven so long that it has become a habit and robbed them of the ability to have joy or to see God at work. The eyes of our heart and the obedient choices we make when we are squeezed by life will determine the kind of women we become.

Many seasons of our lives will be quite difficult and filled with tears, deep darkness and sadness--this is a part of scripture, "In this world we have tribulation." Jesus was crucified and has not asked us to bear anything He has not already born. Yet, what we do with the giants in the land, how we choose to walk forward in the midst of these trials will determine our testimony.

Overcoming, by the blood of the lamb, is a theme in Revelation. Through reading and studying these passages, I have found courage and inspiration to practice being an over-comer. Over the past years, I have seen that I have to choose to worship Him right where I am by obeying Him in the moment of each challenge He brings my way. This obstacle or test along my journey will teach me something I need to learn about life. This moment I am writing my story of faith. This day, He will give me the strength to overcome.

It has been the very obstacles in my life that have deepened my compassion for others, that have made me more humble and shown me my limitations, that has expanded my reach in ministry, because of understanding other's struggles more personally from having gone through them myself.

But I strategically named my blog, many years ago, "I take joy"--I choose joy today, because He is my song, He is my salvation, He is my redeemer and He has overcome before me. May He grant each of us the faith to be over-comers today, right where we are, with precious eyes of children and peers looking on, so that we may teach the patterns of walking with God, and waiting for His miracles to others who need hope. May God give you strength, in whatever you are facing. May we tell stories of His miracles and provisions in heaven as we celebrate what He was willing to accomplish through us in our life-time.

May God grant you the grace to be an overcomer.

Off to face my own obstacles with His companionship every step of my day.

Teaching Servanthood To Our Children - By Example! & A New Podcast

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Mark 10:45

Early this morning, as I was contemplating climbing out of bed in my Oxford flat, Joy, who is sharing my bedroom while visiting from Scotland, looked over at me and said, "Stay there. I will make you a cup of tea and then all of life will seem plausible."

Eventually I came down the stairs and sat down to candlelight, music and a cup of tea with a tiny plate of fruit and cheese. I felt welcomed into my morning.

"Mama, you are the queen of serving. You take care of everybody in the world's needs. So, today, I want to remind you that you are worth being taken care of. You are of great value to all who know you."

It almost brought tears to my eyes. So often, I am used to caring for others, providing meals, sending encouragement, doing the tasks of friend, spouse and mothering well, that I just assume I need to take care of everyone, without even thinking someone will think of me. Do you ever feel that way?

We must not forget that all of our tasks matter when we serve others. But we must also make room for others to give back. Yet, now as all of my children are adults and spread to the far winds, it is sweet to see they still remember, they have noticed a little of what it takes to mother our tribe. I am learning new ways as a grandmother, here in another culture, where I need to make meals, help with chores, hold a sweet baby, while still getting my own flat ready for Clay to come.

As I look back, I realize I always found that the best way I could teach my children how to serve with a willing and joyous heart was simply to do it myself—to be a model of the kind of attitude I wanted them to learn. And of course this happened before I asked them to serve, trained them and helped them to follow through. And I found that when I took the time to serve them personally, their hearts softened and they were willing to listen to my training.

Joy, my youngest child, has always responded to gifts of service. One year, when we were going to be out of town a lot, I had the idea of helping Joy pack her suitcase, something she usually did on her own. She had seemed particularly moody and unhelpful in the previous few days, but I just sat on the floor in her room, helped her select outfits and shoes, and fit them all into her suitcase with her. The longer we sat, the chattier she got, and I watched her countenance soften. When I stood up at the end, she hugged me and said, “Thanks for serving me, Mama. I know you’re busy, but it means a lot to me.”

Companionship is another important aspect; having my children serve alongside me. Clay and I involved the kids in almost every aspect of our ministry from the start. Sarah and Joel sealed envelopes and stamped newsletters; all of them babysat kids of the parents we counseled; they served at conferences, and carried suitcases for the moms who came to our ministry events. “If it is God’s will for us to be in ministry, it’s God’s will for you to be, too,” we said.

We started every conference with an evening of training for our kids and the volunteers, talking about why we ministered and what kind of heart we wanted them to have for our guests.

Now, they all say that the conferences taught them how to work hard and to have a self-image that they are also called to serve. But we actually had lots of fun and fulfillment hosting our conferences. It shaped our souls and formed our values together. 

If your children’s actions and attitudes are at least in part a reflection of you, are you happy with what you see? Ask the Lord to change what He needs to change.

Favorite Architecture Books

I've written before and spoken often on the Storyformed podcast of how my oldest son has been bitten by the architecture bug. Before he could even talk well, he was often attempting to build copies of famous buildings and landmarks using blocks, various toys, and even things like toast or marshmallows.  I have tripped over Lego castles, books stacked like pyramids, and cathedrals made out of cups more times than I can count.  After using various media to build his little landmarks, it wasn’t long before he came to me and said, “Mommy, how did they really build that?” Fortunately, award-winning illustrator David Macaulay has published an exquisite series of picture books that accurately answer his question and fit the bill perfectly!

Macaulay is a Caldecott medal winner with a background in architecture, and he showcases his talent and extensive knowledge through outstanding pen and ink drawings in his architecture-themed books. The first book that we acquired, and the first one that Macaulay published, was Cathedral: The Story of Its Construction. It chronicles the building of a fictional medieval cathedral in France, from its conception to completion.  It wasn’t long before we also collected Castle, which traces the planning and construction of a fictional castle in 13th Century Wales, and City: A Story of Roman Planning and Construction, which explains how a typical Roman city was designed and built. We also own and love Pyramid, where Macaulay unravels the mystery of how the ancient Egyptian pyramids could have been constructed. Mill and Mosque are on our wish list. All of these books are similar in style and are outstanding for so many reasons.

Illustrations

Each of Macaulay’s architecture books is exquisitely illustrated with black and white pen and ink drawings. The detail that he captures is extraordinary! He uses cross-hatching and other artistic techniques to produce an almost 3D effect in the architectural elements. The intricate pictures are realistic and often humorous (like a stereotypical culprit in the castle dungeon and a detailed drawing of a medieval toilet). Each page contains these large-scale illustrations, and my boys and I enjoy examining the drawings and trying to find details that we missed in earlier observations, like oxen in the field or a dog begging for table scraps. Although the book does contain text, the illustrations are so thorough and detailed, you can easily follow the progression of the story from the pictures alone. Macaulay has won several awards for these books, including a Caldecott honor, and it is easy to see why!  (Note: In recent years, Macaulay has released revised editions of Cathedral, Castle, and Mosque that contain color illustrations!)

To read more and to view the Storyformed book suggestions, click HERE.

Friends Help Light Our Way! (Plus a quick, simple recipe--Veggie Wraps!)

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  John 1:5

Traveling is a pretty big part of my life, and some years ago I had flown to Nashville a day early for an event so I could stay with my beloved friend, Gwen Todd, in Kentucky. Gwen was the first friend who taught me the value of commitment and love as I worked alongside her in ministry. We are indeed like sisters.

Except … Gwen didn't meet me at the airport. I found out that she was stuck in her Kentucky cottage with her elderly mother, who was quite frail and required Gwen’s constant care.  They had been without electricity, lights or heat for the past three days and nights because of an ice storm!

So, another dear friend loaned me a car and I stopped at a store to quickly pick up a meal and drive to Kentucky. It was like a ghost town--no working stop lights, no store or street lights anywhere, trees fallen in the street … As I finally approached the house after two hours of driving through the dark, I saw a candle in the window of one house amidst a street of darkness--a candle my friend had lit for me!

 I eased into her driveway, knocking countless icicles off the bushes as I climbed out of the car. It was a winter wonderland, even in the dark. When I went to the door, there was my sweet friend, with candles aglow in the rooms beyond. She had found out I was coming from  a very short cell phone message that had finally gone through after two days. She actually had some chips and cheese waiting for me --the last fresh package of cold food to be had.

What a fun memory we made eating in candle-light, storing up one more memory of adventure. How thankful I was to be of encouragement to her in the midst of feeling alone in the dark--as she has helped me through years and years of crisis in my own home and she adopted my children when there was no other family to love them. So I owed her in a big way and was so blessed to sit in our gowns, cuddled under piles of blankets and enjoying the candlelight and life.

Life is so filled with challenges, unexpected stress, and draining circumstances. But friends are made to fill those voids and to bring the light of love into the dark places. Friendship and relationships that bridge the years of life require commitment and kindness. I have received endless love from Gwen and now we have this memory in our minds forever.

It happens that I am hoping to move into my flat before Sarah has her baby and I have been writing down some meals she and Thomas love that I will be able to throw together her first week of mamahood.

I will share with you another recipe from a  friend who served me in a time of need--and that Sarah loves.

 My friend Cindy inspired us, many years ago!

Random Veggie Wraps

Just sautee whatever veggies you have in the fridge--onions, carrots, chopped broccoli, mushrooms, peppers--you get the idea. Heat up whatever type wrap you like best, then smooth on a layer of humus (you could use mashed pinto or black beans, too!) Then, cover with mashed avocado, plus lime and/or salsa, and spread your veggies over the top! You can add chopped lettuce or cabbage on top as our salad finish and wrap it up! (I have to admit, my boys love this as long as I add some grilled chicken or ground meat. We all love our extra protein.)

Hope you'll enjoy it! There are tons of recipes in my book, The Lifegiving Table. Find it here on Amazon!

The Lifegiving Table: Nurturing Faith through Feasting, One Meal at a Time

By Sally Clarkson

Tending Your Heart, Filling it with Delight OYL 10

Tending Your Heart and Investing In Your Soul

She called it her treasure chest. I had taken my fifteen year-old son Nathan with me on a special trip to Austria and Poland, the places where I had spent time as a missionary in my twenties. In an open air market in Krakow, I found a special souvenir to take back for Joy. It was a hand-carved box, made of glistening cherry wood, with soft red felt lining on the inside, and a cheerful-looking bear carved onto the top.

It was treasure chest for small treasures.

To my delight, Joy loved the box. She carried it with her everywhere collecting in it little treasures she would find. After playing outside, she would come in and place a beautiful bird feather or a shell in the box. After church, she carefully tucked away a bookmark with a prayer on it. After a trip to the Denver Art Museum, she tenderly folded the small print I bought her of a favorite painting and placed it inside.

She filled her little box to the brim, and at nights her eyes would shine with delight as she would take out each item to cherish them all. “My treasure box reminds me of all the beauty God has put in the world, Mama!”

Joy’s treasure box gave me an image of what it means to cultivate my soul and fill it with truth and beauty. Wherever Joy went, she carried with her a reminder of the light, beauty, and truth of God’s goodness. As Christians with the light of Christ in us, we should have hearts full of God’s treasures—beauty, grace, and truth—to sustain us in the darkness and to offer to others.

To have a rich treasure chest in our hearts, though, we must be intentional about pursuing activities and practices that fill the heart instead of draining it. God has filled the world with delights for us to encounter, and yet our culture often thinks of beauty, delight, art, and music as secondary pursuits which are perhaps a bit frivolous in comparison to the “real” work of being serious and holy.

I would suggest, however, that God wants us to worship him every bit as much in our delight as in our duty.

When we dwell on the extravagant delights God has given us in the world, our hearts are drawn toward Him in worship. When we gaze on God’s gifts of beauty to us, we find our eyes drawn away from the ugliness and sin of the world. Perhaps this is why Paul so sincerely exhorts the Philippians saying, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

When we fill our hearts with excellence and virtue, we find ourselves with a wealth of God’s goodness to offer others from the treasures we have collected. Just as Joy carefully filled her box, so we must learn to intentionally pursue activities  that will fill the treasure chest of our hearts with good things. We should look for ways to fill our hearts, minds, and spirits with goodness, truth, and beauty—the things that inspire us, cause us to worship God, and bring light to others.

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting. that will fill the treasure chest of our hearts with good things. We should look for ways to fill our hearts, minds, and spirits with goodness, truth, and beauty—the things that inspire us, cause us to worship God, and bring light to others.

Heart, Mind, and Soul Restoration

Life is draining, every moment, all the time. We have bills to pay, work to do, meals to make, people to care for, tasks to complete--and then we must repeat these tasks again and again.

When we are constantly emptying our hearts, minds, and souls, it is essential that we take responsibility to keep filling them up. What we feed our inner bing will determine what we can give to those in our spheres of influence. What we have stored, cherished, and valued in our lives is reflective of our true selves.

If we wish to live out the best virtues of life, we must feed our minds, hearts, and souls upon all that is virtuous. Our souls reflect our true selves. What we have fed upon will be reflected through the ways we live in relationship to people and to the culture at large.

When you learn to take responsibility for your own well-being, you will produce a harvest of influence and grace in every other area that is influenced by your heart health.

An excerpt from Own Your Life, Chapter 10.

Detour Ahead in Teenage Years! (Part Two)

(Find part one, here!)

The teen years are trying for most parents. But they don't need to be impossible! Here are two things I think are exceptionally important for parents to remember as their children move into teenage-hood:

1. Remember a gentle answer turns away wrath, as it says so well in Proverbs. I think that if we could see a ledger of how high emotions surged, we would definitely have more compassion. One child, who has always been a jewel of a child, had lots of tears as a teen--even over things as simple as "Please empty the dishwasher." This child was never overtly rebellious, but everything in her life was magnified; each event was exaggerated through her new emotions. Another, similarly easy going, also had more attitudes and frustration seemingly out of the blue. Two of mine went full fledged into more extreme emotions and occasional expressions of anger. Now, I feel so blessed to have seen all of the kids mature into wonderful adults and I feel so close to them. It just takes time to make it through this passage. You will need patience, kindness and a break once in a while.

If you find yourself in the stages of new hormones and feelings expressed through your children, now, for a moment, ask yourself the question, "When I am having a bout with hormones and anger or rage or emotions come upon me with no warning, how do I want others to behave towards me? I want them to treat me gently and to give me grace, understanding that it is not my real self. And so my teens want this from me! "In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets" Matthew 7:12
 

2. Recognize that the most important desire of most teens is to be liked and desirable to kids their own age. This is not bad, it is normal. We want our children to want friends and to begin being attracted to the opposite sex! It means they are healthy and preparing for marriage. To react to them in fear and harshness is not godly--and it's certainly not wise. We may have fearful feelings, but our children don't want us to react to them in harshness and fear of what they might do. They are straining towards us learning to trust them and to understand them. Though they don't always talk about it, kids want to have someone safe like us to tell their deepest feelings to. If we have kept their relationship strong throughout elementary years, we will have a foundation to continue building on during the teen years.

During this phase, it is more important to hold their heart gently, with respect, rather than to choose treat them as small children and focus on their failures. Control is not the goal. There are bigger issues at hand---more temptation and pull toward the culture and other teens who may be unwise. So you want to be the one that your children can trust, who will not always react or criticize but one who seeks to listen and understand.

Ultimately, children of all ages want to be loved, listened to, understood as much as possible--just as we mamas do! May the Lord help us all to answer softly, and to be sensitive to our children's needs, even as those needs change over the years.

Storyformed Podcast - Season 2, Episode #23: Help! My Child Doesn't Love To Read!

In this episode, Holly Packiam and Jaime Showmaker discuss what to do when you have a reluctant reader. They discuss the different reasons for reluctance and how to be a detective to determine what is going on with your child or student.  

Topics Include: 

• Specific developmental challenges to watch for in emerging readers
• Reasons for reluctance in otherwise skilled readers
• Strategies to apply to encourage a love of reading
• Ways to build reading confidence

To listen to this Stoyformed podcast and to view the show notes, click HERE.

Warning, Parents of Young Children ... Detour Ahead! (Part One!)

Because I've been through it with each of my children, I know there is a mysterious point that happens in every child's life when he or she will no longer be a child who wants to be "mommy-ed," but turns away a little as they begin the process of becoming an adult. No amount of seeking to retrieve the innocent years will make this new phase go away. Suddenly, it is God's time for our children to begin growing up! Until that time, there is a long window of opportunity to pour in foundations of morality, truth, values, habits, and character. Then, suddenly, your whole relationship with your children will begin to shift and you know that there will be a detour ahead!

Over the years, a number of moms have asked me about how to keep the heart of preteens and teens when they start drifting away. I have definitely not been a perfect mom, but Clay and I have learned so much and have seen so much of His grace to keep us going along the way. I truly love my children as best friends and companions, and though so many days were irritating, the fruit of remaining under the load of these years, of cultivating patience with our children, has paid off so much more than we could have imagined.

I think it is of the utmost importance to focus on the heart of every child, rather than on their behavior. There is a reason that God uses the word "heart" over 800 times in scripture--"guard your heart," "love with all your heart," "the Lord looks at the heart," "man commits sin in their heart," etc.

Every child has a different personality, with different capacities and abilities. If we really believe we are supposed to study our children and seek to release the passions and personality and drives of their hearts so that they can pursue God's call on their lives, we will seek to be winsome, gracious, life-giving, and encouraging. If their behavior is our only focus, when they are young, we can force them to submit to us through pain or force simply because we are bigger than them! However, the short-term "success" could lead to long-term failure if this control causes us to lose their hearts, and any capacity to love and obey with joy in following our wishes just because they feel connected to us.

If, when your children are young, in the midst of training them and holding up God's ideals, you also serve them and love them unconditionally, then you will be laying a foundation for them to be willing to listen to you when they are older.

Remember this, all children, whatever the age, want to know they have someone on their team, someone who loves them as they are, even amidst the flare-ups and emotional outbursts. We all long to know someone believes in our worth. Speaking forward into our children's lives, even when we don't think they are listening, is building towards the voices they hear in their head, "I must be ok. Mom believes in me."

It's difficult when you sense your children begin to shift to the stage of moving away from you somewhat. Of course, you want your children to grow up and move toward becoming healthy adults. So what are the symptoms that change is coming? One of the biggest clues is more frustration and tears over seemingly small issues--moodiness and attitudes that you didn't see before. And it happens to both boys and girls!

"You never listen to what I am trying to tell you....."

"You always make me feel guilty."

"I'm an adult. I know what I am doing!" ( :))

"I want to do it myself."

"Oh, I don't have anything to wear!"

"I am so ugly."

"No one likes me."

This is all a sign of hormones surging--not a reflection of how good or bad a mother you are, but about your children growing up. I have learned some things over the years that have helped give me entrance to their hearts.

Stay tuned--come back for more on the detour of teenage years!