The Heart: The Place Discipline Truly Begins

Well-meaning parents all over the world have tried throughout the centuries to figure out the right formula or wisdom to use in raising up a godly, responsible, emotionally and spiritually healthy child. It is right to desire to find a way to love, educate, train and discipline a child to help him become mature.

However, in our culture, so many young couples do not live around their parents and do not have good models of what a healthy family looks like, so they look to "authorities" to find their answers--usually people who speak or write books. (Scary thought, since that is what Clay and I do!)

Yet, here's an important truth: Formulas do not work!

Most parents seem to be looking for a formula--a one-easy-step guide to instantly raising up an obedient child; a one size fits all answer to every discipline question.

Over the years, I have heard so many extreme talks about child training. I have also seen many young parents follow rigid, formulaic parenting philosophies. Consequently, I have lived to see many of the children of those parents rebel, leave all the training of their parents, and even turn their hearts away from God.

The parents wring their hands, saying, "I don't understand. I followed all the books and did it just like they said!"

Thinking Biblically

We must learn to live by faith and in wisdom in the raising of our children. If God had wanted us to follow a formula, He would have given one and made it clear so we could use the ten easy rules to pop out perfect children. But He made each person with a different personality, different maturity level, and different ability!

Scripture is much more about long-term maturity than we usually want to understand and accept. God's word says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not fall away."

"The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until the full day." This indicates a path of life in parenting that allows for more and more light to show forth with each passing year.

In Hebrews, we read about the mature and immature--about babes who are still drinking milk and not yet ready for solid food. There, the context is of a young Christian and a mature one, with Paul allowing for growth in both instances. This is the pattern we should expect!

I tend to look at my children's growth through this lens: "It is the kindness and mercy of the Lord that leads to repentance." Romans 2:4

So where do we begin when we consider how to train a child? First, we must understand that all discipline should be focused on the heart--not behavior. Over 800 times in scripture, God talks about the heart--Love the Lord with all of your heart. God searches to and fro for a heart that is completely his. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. and so on. And yet ...  I see many extroverted children being disciplined for being louder and more talkative, even though this is not rebellion but a personality issue--or boys for being boys--sometimes with moms who want them to behave like a little lady.

God is concerned with our desire to love and obey Him. He already knows we are immature and that we take time to understand His ways. Jesus was patient with Peter and said, "Satan has desired to sift you like wheat." He predicted that Peter would fall, yet Jesus was completely supportive of His disobedient, immature disciple, assuring him "I have prayed for you, and after you have returned, strengthen the brethren." In other words, "I know you will blow it, but I will be with you, I will pray for you, and I will still use you."

And so, when we discipline our children, we must learn to look at their hearts. Is their heart rebellious? Are they being willful? Am I expecting too much from them, consideriing their age, their level of over-stimulation, the circumstances, their maturity level, or their abilities? A child should not be punished for being exhausted, immature, a boy, or for making a mistake. I make mistakes all the time, again and again. And yet scripture teaches in both the new testament and the old that maturity is as a result of training, time, growth, heart and will.

The Lifegiving Parent is our newest book, and goes further into the idea of living a life of discipleship with our children. It is available for preorder, here!

Order your books now so you can join Clay and me in a podcast series covering 8 principles of parenting. 

The Lifegiving Parent: Giving Your Child a Life Worth Living for Christ

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

The Lifegiving Parent Experience: A 10-Week Journey of Parenting for Life

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

Cultivating a Life Giving Home OYL 14 & Podcast

Friend breakfast at my table....

“Frodo was now safe in the Last Homely House east of the Sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, ‘a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep, or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all.’ Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.” 

The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

As a lover of great literature, Rivendell, in Lord of the Rings, captivated my attention and Sarah's and Joy's attention. It happens that one of my favorite coffee shops in Oxford is adjacent to Exeter College where Tolkien attended. It has the most amazing view of the city from the tower near the student rooms. So, when I pass by, I imagine him having conversations with his friends and living in this space where God had access to his imagination.

Because he was a soldier in WWI and lost so many friends, I can imagine that sadness as a backdrop for why he wrote the part about Rivendell--knowing how important it was to preserve all that was beautiful after a war that tore the world apart. 

And so from his lovely description of "the last homely house," I garnered even more ideas of what my home would be.  Picturing our home as a place that remembers all the great life from eras gone by and that captures its beauty, has been one of our goals, that has given us hours and years of collecting and crafting and nurturing over the years.

A library that holds all the great books of children's literature and classics and great thinkers, biographies and writers is a must. And now, due to Clay's kindness to move his office to the basement, I have our library as a tea room of sorts. With comfy chairs, a tea set, art and paintings from my background all over the walls, with candle light and music--it is a lovely getaway where I can share heart-to-heart with all in my wake.

A well-stocked kitchen with all sorts of home-made recipes crafted over years of testing, with all the holiday food; food for those who are ill; birthday fare; winter-cold-night soups and breads and all sorts of healthy variety in between.

Fireplaces where stories are told and ideas discussed and children are cuddled.

Bedrooms with comfy chairs and piles of books in baskets to encourage reading and quiet times and of course candles galore.

Piano, guitars, drums, flute, dulcimer--all collected over the years--some more used than others, but all for practicing producing music of all sorts.

Games and book baskets and art books and cd's and Pandora and dvd's from all imaginings to instruct, inspire, soothe, comfort and to stoke the imagination.

Clusters of chairs, grouped together to encourage great and close conversations--rockers on the front porch; setees and big chairs on the back deck; gatherings of chairs in 2's all over the house to make a close meeting and discipleship time for all who are there.

And of course a bookshelf in every room, with each child collecting his own library.

A suitable place for traditions celebrated and momentous occasions retold and the Bible read, over and over and over again--to remember Him and stories of faith and heroes and courage and holiness.

This is what I have had in my heart to shape--a home that breathes life and truth and love into all who would enter--

To make sure my home, for my family and friends, is indeed the last homely house and that all that has been excellent and worthwhile over the ages is celebrated in its walls--

because everyone needs a place to belong and a home where welcome is always fresh with all who cross the doorway.

But now, I am in a far off land, in a tiny flat without my "things", but with space to bring the life of God's artistry and love into every space. The lifegiving home must start with a heart that says, "I will be the hostess of life here within these walls to serve all who come here so that they may taste and see that the Lord is good by being here with me."

Please listen to the  podcast today, I think it will encourage you. It is about having a heart for  your home to give life in the middle of a real life of busyness, unexpecteds, weariness and sinful people. I pray you will be encouraged. 

The Lifegiving Parent Experience: A 10-Week Journey of Parenting for Life

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

Be sure to get your copies of the Lifegiving Parent and the Experience Bible Study. Clay and I will be doing a podcast series on the 8 Lifegiving principles you need as a foundation in your home. Can't wait.

The Lifegiving Parent: Giving Your Child a Life Worth Living for Christ

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

More Than We Bargained For: The Mom Walk (Part Two!)

If you didn't read the first part of this adventure, be sure to go back and find it here: Mom Walk, Part One!

... Four hours later found us a pitiful, dirty, exhausted, and emotionally worn group of wanderers. We had walked for hours in different terrains: through a forest, over rough rocks, passing a deep cave, foraging through brush, and walking in a dry, dusty path that covered us with reddish sand. Thinking of myself as a resourceful woman, I had pulled out my trusty cell phone several times and attempted to call Clay for help. How was Ito know that there wasn't cell reception this high in the mountains?

We had passed through multiple stages of kids whining and complaining, of sore feet, a series of "I can't go any further" tears, and fears of "What if we die on this mountain and get eaten up by a bear?" Accompanying this were accusations: "Why didn't you bring more water, Mom? Why didn't you find out exactly where we were supposed to go? Why did you bring us this far? How do you know we are going in the right direction? When are we ever going to make it home?"

My great mom-plans were turning into a series of bad, unprepared mom-moments of failure. The kids had indeed amazed me at their ability to persevere. Our faithful dog, Penny, had kept by our side. I felt as though we were living out a script of a Disney movie adventure about a family stranded in the wilds of a mountain looking for routes to survival. Sarah and Joel had each carried 40-pound Joy on their backs for half an hour at a time, trying to give my aching back a break. I had been carrying her most of the afternoon as she became a dead weight while napping in my arms or on my back. Every muscle in my body ached from carrying her half-stooped for a good deal of the time so that she wouldn't fall off my back in her sleep.

Nathan had pushed beyond his own penchant for complaining and had kept his strong young legs going far beyond my expectations. He even had bursts of energy from time to time as we came across an interesting scene. At one point we happened upon the wreck of an old car that looked as though it had driven off a cliff.

Joel had pushed beyond his fear about all the dangers and had decided to be the brave man of the group, encouraging us onward, telling us that the only choice we had was to keep going—as though he were trying to convince himself by saying it out loud.

I had moved through all sorts of stages of emotions: irritation, fear, tears, panic, courage, determination, and condemnation. How could I have led my children into this mess?

We had stopped and prayed several times together. I had prayed silently for God to "Please, lead us" and get us out of this mess.

The sun was setting as we finally found an old road that seemed to lead down the mountain toward the city lights below. I decided again to try to call Clay. The call went through for a few seconds. "Where are you?" he asked. I had the time to say, "I don't know exactly, but we need someone to pick us up—" at which point the phone went dead.

Little did I know that Clay went out to the car, hoping he could drive on a back road to try to find us. Deep frustration overwhelmed him when he couldn't find the keys to the only car—a friend's car— that was sitting in our driveway. Our other car was in the shop. We were later to find out that one of the kids had put the keys in a side pocket in my pack, somehow thinking we might need them! To his consternation, our neighbors were not even home. He had no means of coming to get us.

The children began to shiver in the evening mountain air and their teeth began to chatter. Of course, by this time we had been hours without food or water. All of us felt exceedingly thirsty and hungry. We stopped on the side of the road for a small rest and noticed the Air Force Academy sitting below us in the near distance. This let me know that we were quite high on the abandoned, almost impassable road. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, a pack of coyotes nearby started howling at the moon.
"Mom, do coyotes attack people and eat them?" one of the boys fearfully questioned.

The other, more informed child answered, "They just attack small animals like Penny and Joy. They are the only ones in danger of being eaten!" Again, panic and chills of fear ran through us all as we walked in darkness, listening to the howling beasts.

At this moment, an angel, in the form of a motorcyclist in a black leather jacket, came along beside us and stopped. He pulled up his helmet so we could see his dark eyes amidst the shadows.

"Lady, it's dangerous to have four little kids out this late on the mountain. There are bears and wild cats in the area, and it's pretty cold. Are you lost? I passed you over an hour ago when I drove up the old road on my bike and here I find you still walking down the mountain:"

I was tempted to throw my arms around his neck. "We live near here, but we evidently took the wrong trail, and it has been more than seven hours since we left home. We have been walking down this road for over an hour. My cell phone doesn't work, and I can't call my husband to pick us up. Can you help us?"

The concerned man informed us that he only lived five miles from this point. "If you wait for me, I will go home and get my Jeep and come back to pick all of you up."

I didn't have long to wonder about his offer, as staying on the dark, cold, deserted mountain in the company of coyotes, bears, and mountain lions seemed far more dangerous than trusting our lives to my new, bearded friend.

"Sure," we all answered simultaneously. It was only after he left that I remembered that I should have had him call Clay to tell him we were still alive!

Thirty minutes later I sighted a small, four-passenger, all-terrain Jeep careening up the bumpy road. As he opened the passenger door gesturing for us all to climb in, the dog jumped in first, followed by the three older kids who squished into the backseat with their beloved Penny. I placed Joy on my lap in the front seat. Getting the door closed was a feat, but we managed, and everyone began to broadcast our story at the same time.

Turning around on the narrow road that hung tight on the edge of a cliff, though, caused all of us to hold our breath and quiet down. I noticed that the girls had closed their eyes. Finally, we bumped our way down the old road, avoiding as many potholes as possible, and then slowly moved in the direction of our home.

Twenty-five minutes later, as we pulled up to the door of our house, Clay ran outside with a look of worry and informed us that he had called the mountain rescue squad. With every muscle aching and parched throats, we tumbled out of the car and all began talking at once.

We thanked our hero profusely, still supposing he really was an angel sent from God. How very tired we were, but also renewed in our adrenalin-filled joy at having been rescued and finally being safely back home!

Everyone told Daddy about a different part of the great adventure. Nathan called out above the others, "Hey, Mom, that was so much fun.When can we do it again?" to which all the kids said, "Yeah! Let's take Daddy next time. He'd have a lot of fun."

And doesn't it feel like our lives as moms are this way, more often than not? We begin with high hopes and a lot of vim and vigor and then ... the walk is longer than we imagined, dark comes on sooner, the food runs out, and ... there are coyotes! 

Our newest book, The Lifegiving Parent, is all about the ways we walk along the path of life with our children, encouraging them to find life in God. Available now for preorder!

The Lifegiving Parent: Giving Your Child a Life Worth Living for Christ

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

The Mom Walk ... So Much More Than We Anticipate! (Part One)

The rugged Rocky Mountains fairly beckoned to us to come outside to celebrate each morning as we awakened and sipped coffee on our deck. We had recently moved into a home situated at 7500 feet in the hills of Monument, Colorado, and it also backed up to 25,000 acres of national forest. Pike's Peak was just down the ridge. We were only beginning to discover wonderful trails and vistas that were open to us literally out our back door.

One day, as we were out for a walk, a casual acquaintance, riding a mountain bike near our home, stopped to talk about his recent ride in the mountains.

"There is a spectacular vista in the mountain just above your house where you can see hundreds of miles in all directions. I think it's at 9000 feet—about a 1500-foot climb for you. It would probably only take you an hour or so to make the hike, and I think you and your kids would absolutely love the area."

He quickly told me how to get to the trailhead and wished me well before riding away.

I had been waiting for the right day, and today the calendar was free and the weather was inviting, with crisp, cool air and sunshine. I announced to my four children (Sarah, 15; Joel, 12; Nathan, 10; and Joy, 4) that we would be taking a hike and picnic up in the high mountain behind us. Packing a light lunch with egg salad finger sandwiches, bottles of water, grapes, and a couple of chocolate chip cookies for each of us finished my preparation. I didn't want our pack to be too heavy because I knew I would have to carry Joy on my back part of the way.

After smearing sunscreen on all of us and finding Nathan's tennis shoes and zipping up alight jacket on Joy, we opened the back door and began our adventure. Penny, our loyal golden retriever, trotted along behind us. I yelled goodbye to Clay, my husband, who was working on a deadline for our ministry. "We might be up there for several hours because I hear it is a great place to play," I said to him as I closed the back door.

I have to admit, I was feeling a little proud of being such a great mom—making an unforgettable memory, providing an adventure for my children, and supplying all we would need for our trip.

We found the trailhead within ten minutes and began the steep climb to the lookout. Sarah yelled a challenge to the boys, "Hey, let's run up the mountain and see who can beat to the top!" The three older kids energetically left at a run while I held Joy's hand and started a slower ascent. After about 20 minutes, we caught up with the more energetic group, who were all sitting on the side of the pathway out of breath and panting from the thin mountain air

"How much further to the top?" questioned one of my boys. "I'm already tired and hungry!"

"Don't worry! My friend said we could probably make the whole hike in one hour, so in another 15 minutes we should reach the top of the hill where there is a vista, and we will picnic there," I confidently assured him.

About 20 minutes later, panting and sweating, we all pulled up to a lovely vista that we supposed was the top of the mountain. I was so relieved because carrying Joy the last 15 minutes had been quite taxing. Surely I had just finished the most arduous climb.

We discovered a lovely meadow a little bit beyond the cliff where we had been looking out over the valley and city below. Running through the grassy field, we discovered a tiny, weather-worn cabin, half blown down. Sitting on the old logs and pulling out our lunch pleased us all. Amid the giggles and chattering, we decided to pretend that we were pioneers on the Oregon Trail. The kids ran around whooping and amusing themselves while I enjoyed the beauty and rested under the shade of an old pine. One of my children even found a small cross in the middle of a circle of stones that looked like an old tombstone. What an adventure as we imagined the story of the lives of people who had built a home so high in the mountains, who must have known deep joys and sorrows.

Feeling well pleased with myself at the sweet memories we were making, we gathered around and thanked the Lord for our adventure and for giving us such a beautiful day. After packing up the litter from our picnic, we decided we were rested enough to complete the rest of the hike to the end of the trail. Off we went on our journey with a renewed sense of adventure. Within ten minutes, our path led to gigantic boulders and a small stream that led southward along the back of the mountain we had just climbed. The older three fearlessly began to climb the rocks that were 12 to 20 feet in height.

"Be careful! If you fall, I would have a hard time helping you because Joy and I can't climb up there."

A tiny sense of irritation began to bubble up in my heart, which often surprises me in taxing moments of caring for my children's needs. I recognized my emotions beginning to go a bit sour from being fatigued.

Making progress on the trail among the rocks was a bit slow. After about an hour, the kids rejoined Joy and me and asked for a drink. Each water bottle had just an inch of water left, but since we were certainly close to the end of the trail, I let everyone drink their last sip.

Why have we been hiking well over two hours and have not come to the end of the trail? It must be because of the slower pace we are walking and from having young children with me. After all, my friend had been on a mountain bike. I can't imagine how he could have ridden his bike on these rough trails. Some people are just tougher than others.

The beauty and views of seemingly untouched wilderness awed and amazed us as we quietly walked forward on a now scarcely visible path. We wondered if it was a pathway made by deer leading to the stream. Picnicking and hiking need to become a regular activity, we unanimously agreed. "Aren't we happy we all moved to Colorado?" Sarah asked.

Gingerly we continued to walk forward along the faint trail, which by now had left the stream and led into the dark shadows of an overgrown pine forest. The path moved into the shadows along a very narrow trail on the side of the mountain. I began to perceive that everyone was becoming exhausted. The food was gone and it was time for Joy's nap. What had been a playful, rousing adventure at the start, when everyone was excited and filled with wonder, was slowly dissipating into a silent march, as each of us focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

After a quiet 15 minutes, Joel verbalized what we had all secretly been thinking. "Are we on the right trail? I thought we were supposed to be home by now. What if we are lost? Maybe we should go back. We might be in danger if we don't start back home soon."

Reflecting on the difficult time I had already had bringing Joy through the rough wall of rocks, I couldn't even imagine taking her back the same way without even greater effort. At least this trail was straight and not on a steep ascent, as the previous trail had been. Though I didn't know where it led, I was unwilling to go back on the more difficult part. We seemed to be heading toward the other end of our mountain. Surely we would come to the turning point soon.

"I think we will be okay, Joel, if we just keep going. It would take us almost two and a half hours to backtrack, and I am sure we will find the end of this trail soon. It probably leads around to the other part of the road, which leads right to our house. I think you kids have done amazingly well. What troopers you are and such amazing hikers! Daddy will be so proud of you when he finds out how well you have done."

I hoped my enthusiastic voice would not betray my hidden feelings of fear, exhaustion, and irritation at myself for not getting a map of the mountain. I had never really been on a primitive trail like this and was only beginning to realize how unprepared I had been for such a trek. I had heard of the "wildness" of the wilderness. It seemed that we were indeed in wilderness, as we had not passed another human being in our path for the last three hours...

For the rest of the story, you'll have to come back Friday!

Don't miss our newest book, available for pre-order, now!

The Lifegiving Parent: Giving Your Child a Life Worth Living for Christ

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

Cultivating Your Child's Gifts

Have you ever wondered what you were like as a small child? I have many memories of my childhood as I’m sure you do. I remember swinging on swings, playing house with my sister and friends, and wandering around my grandparents Iowa farm. But, sometimes I’m curious if I naturally had a certain bent - specific activities I always returned to.

Last week my first child turned thirteen. When she was little, someone gave me an idea to keep a journal as a way to remember. We wrote down her favorites, cute things she’d say and do, and milestones. And then about twice a year, my husband and I would write letters to her, telling her what we see in her and what we see the Lord doing in her life. As she read aloud certain passages to us, I recognized reoccurring stories and themes in her life. She seemed to take every opportunity to imagine a story and act it out from quotidian scenes from home to momentous occasions such as weddings. From the age of two, my daughter began to call us to gather as she led us in worship or gave a sermon. Now at thirteen, she’s writing books and reading them aloud to us, leading worship for children at church, and performing in musical theater shows. As I look back, is some ways it seems obvious that she would continue to do the things she’s always gravitated to.

To continue reading, click HERE.

Measure Life by How Well You Have Loved

A New Child to Love, a legacy to leave in her heart.  (before my fall. )

Loving well is the best and most profound act of life.

Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life Book

"Mama, you love me the most, right?" ....Our joke through all the years but repeated over and over again.

"I love you the "Joyest" and you the "Nathanest" and you the "Sarahest" and you the "Joelest" my sweets.

Seems that even now, I am often texting, emailing, fb'ing my kids how much I love them, how special they are to me, how much they are beloved by God.

All of my children have gone through bouts of doubt when confronted by a constant barrage of challenges. All four have written notes to me to say our constant love is what pulled them through. "You always believed in us, you were always at our back. You never gave up!"

A heritage of being loved and cherished is profoundly important in the life of any human being.

Surrounded by people who care for their needs, commit to cherishing them from birth to death, wrapping them in the bonds of unconditional love is a legacy that will give them strength, hope and vision through the rest of their lives.

It is something that cannot be bought or quantified or boxed. Love is real, day in day out, giving of ourselves to the benefit and values of others God has place in our lives--a giving of ourselves for the blessing of others. When we love and touch it pre-disposes our children to remember the caresses and affection of love and will cause them to be more prone to believe in the love of God when they are teens and we tell them God loves them.

When children are deprived of love as an infant, consequences to their health, emotional stability, understanding and perception of God, ability to hold relationships and even intelligence is effected the rest of their lives. Of course, Christ is able to redeem and restore all things. I know in my own life that restoration and healing are possible. But in this fallen world, the process of healing may take awhile.

God created all of us with a deep need to be loved, and a capacity to love generously.

Being loved perfectly was God's original design, it was born in His heart when he created us to know Him intimately.   

If I could point to one thing that truly had an impact in my children, it was giving them a foundation of unconditional love. Generous, overwhelming, words of affirmation, an expectation of forgiveness, acts of service, and many more gestures of love is what opened our children's hearts to listen to our messages about God. 

Love done well is expressed in the messy details of life.

Loving them as they are, appreciating the personality that God has given them, restoring them to generous love when they have failed, pouring out love even when they were at arm's length, focussing on love as the lens through which I looked at life as a mother, giving out words of love on a daily basis--sometimes many times a day, became the fuel for building a fire in their hearts to want to love God.

When love is modeled as a way of life, then a child has the brain patterns, the very familiarity of how love feels from a parent, and will then be more able to experience the love of God when introduced to it as a concept.

We read:

God is love.

Greater love has no one than this than a man lay down his life for his friend.

The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others.

Love one another and so fulfill the law of Christ.

They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.

So many times, parents are afraid that if they show their love for their children too much, they will spoil them.

Has anyone ever loved you too much? Or do you wish for more love?

Though I was loved in many ways, I grew up with some performance based issues in my family, I often felt inadequate and as though I could never do quite enough to please others--my parents, the world--God Himself. I felt defeated in my inner heart, though I kept striving to perform for many years.

However, it was at a college conference in Mexico my junior year, that a wonderful teacher personally explained to me, while focussing on my heart's cries for over an hour, that God truly loved me and that nothing would ever separate me from his love.

This knowledge changed my life forever.

Then I read and pondered and studied the life of Christ with His disciples. It was His love poured out, serving them and their families, living with them, giving them words of life; cooking for them, washing their feet, encouraging them, that so changed their lives that they were willing to give their lives for His cause.

We as adults must understand that unconditional love, as shown by Christ, is the foundation to good relationships.

But the place that our children learn this kind of mature love is by watching us practice loving them in our home.

Many of you, like me, never really understood or experienced love in this way while growing up, but what I have found is that by receiving God's love by faith and then practicing it in my home with my family has stretched my ability to love, and it has changed my life. I will probably always struggle with it a little bit on earth because it was so deeply engrained in my life. But the love of God has slowly transformed my life over many years. In making it my goal, I have learned to love many people. It is a process of growth.

In our own family devotional, The 24 Family Ways, we made loveprominent in our training.

Way # 5 WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, TREATING EACH OTHER WITH KINDNESS, GENTLENESS AND RESPECT.

MEMORY VERSE:

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us." I John 4:11-12

If we understand the importance of building this foundation of loving our precious children and teaching them to love others, we will give them the power they need to build strong relationships, stay strong in marriage, learn to work in ministry and a profession well--in short, we will give them the ability to have a fuller, more fulfilling life.

Loving my adult children is still just as important as when they were young.

The world can be hostile to adults who seek to live morally excellent lives, and who attempt to live lives for the glory of God. And so even now, loving, listening, encouraging, supporting and giving my adult children a home where they will be circled in love and commitment of friendship is one of the pulls in their lives to uphold their ideals in a very challenging time.

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Love is a perfect bond of unity.

So today, commit in your journal what it means to love to each of the precious ones entrusted into your hands and then begin by practicing love today.

How do you show your children acts of love that penetrates their hearts? 

Why Christ is our True Comfort & Everlasting Hope & Podcast

Now let the heavens be joyful,

Let the earth her song begin:

Let the round world keep triumph,

And all that is therein;

Invisible and visible,

Their notes let all things blend,

For Christ is risen, Our joy shall have no end! 

~St. John of Damascus

I find myself so anxious to share with you, my precious friends, the joy I find in the message of Christ this year, while deep in the mire of challenges and difficulties. Though I am not able to read or look at my computer or screens because of my eye injury, I have done my best to leave you a podcast message and this blog post that I hope will be of come encouragement to you. Know that you are all in my prayers.

Most of us have those in our lives who have wounded us again and again. We have all had to deal with "irregular" people; those who are self-centered, or always seem angry or harsh or critical, self-absorbed in their lives rather than willing to give. We may long for words of love, encouragement, and grace from them, and yet are met with harshness or impatience or passivity or withholding of love. Often it is a family member--a spouse, parent, brother, or child. Or it could be a neighbor or "fellow Christian." Our hearts cry, "It's not fair! I am not willing to be hurt one more time. How can I escape this difficult relationship?"

In reality, sometimes we ourselves are the irregular people. 

The tension of having to live with such a person (or ourselves!)  is very difficult to manage. Our desire is to run away, to leave, to not allow ourselves to continually be in that place where deep wounds may occur again any time.

At a couple of our mom's conferences one year, we found well over half of the women who attended came from alcoholic, divorced, or abusive families. Astounding--a majority of the people around me, though it is not evident in their outside appearances, have wounds, scars, deep insecurity, pain from the closest of relationships in their lives. 

This world is the broken place--the place where Satan is the ruler of the world, and yet ... there is the promise of Easter. 

As I approach each Easter season, I ask Christ to show me what He wants me to know, to understand, and how to love Him more. Each year I am surprised at the outcome.

One year, a group of my girlfriends got together for our traditional meetup on Easter weekend. After spending time talking and giggling, we noisily tramped downstairs and squeezed in together on an over-sized couch and began watching the movie which was made using just the words of the gospel of John. We quickly became immersed in the middle-eastern world of Jesus.

His words penetrated our souls. The lakeside waves, the tumble of personalities and antics of the disciples, the amazed blind man who received sight, the broken-hearted harlot who was caught in adultery, the tousling of heads of children as Jesus passed through, the compassionate feeding of the 5000, and through it all, Jesus' patience and forbearance in the midst of what seemed constant arguing, questioning, and accusing. 

I was surprised at how hungry my soul was for His message. The crowds argued with Him, the Pharisees accused Him; twice they sought to stone Him, His authority was questioned, His miracles were questioned. He was accused of being filled with a demon. Haunted by constant, pushy, demanding crowds and the relentless needs of lost, lonely, hungry souls. And yet, from the beginning, He was ever moving toward his death, His cross, His sacrifice.

Jesus' divine meekness and His gentle spirit was so beautiful to me as I watched Him enveloping all in His pathway with profound, true insight, healing love, and soothing, soul-felt words of life. In his writing of the gospel, John sought to give us a glimpse into the compassionate heart of Jesus.

The Creator stooped that final night to wash 120 dirty toes. He gently touched, cleansed and dried the feet of His most intimate friends--even those of the one who would betray Him.

His remarkable words washed over my soul:

"Just as the Father has loved me, I have loved you. Abide in my love." 15:9

"Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down His life for His friends." 15:13

"They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another." (5 times!)

"If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you." 15:18

"These things I have spoken to you that you may be kept from stumbling,..., an hour is coming  for everyone who kills you to think he is offering a service to God." 16: 1-2

"You will weep and lament, but your sorrow will be turned to joy." 16:20

"In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world." 16:33

And then, He went to the cross; willingly, humbly, generously, feeling all the pain and despising it, yet holding on for the joy ahead where redemption and healing and love would reign supremely for eternity.

With His dying breath: "Forgive them, because they do not understand what they are doing."

And so for me, the message from His spirit became clear. 

If I am to understand my God, I am to imitate His life, His love, His generous forgiveness and mercy, and His life of servanthood, of pouring Himself out for others so undeserving ... I have to change. There is no more room for the pointing of fingers or critical attitudes or the pettiness of hateful thoughts that rob my soul from grace. In order for a muscle to be built, it must be torn and then repair itself--and the end result will be strength. And so soul strength comes through the same process. 

When I practice love with irregular, irrational people, I am renewed as my soul builds strength, as I gain knowledge and deep understanding of the very nature of my Savior.

In this place, there is no room for bitterness, accusations, hate, or anger to overpower, because the light of His forgiving love overcomes all darkness.

In pondering, loving, and worshiping this man, my God; by exercising the same grace He lived when "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," my soul is spiritually stretched in the fire of reality to begin to understand a little more of Him, and my heart is bowed down to worship more fully the One who is love, grace, and forgiveness. And in this knowledge, I, too, find generous, unconditional forgiveness and healing love.

A blessed Good Friday and joyous Easter to you all!

Storyformed Podcast, Episode #25 - Reading with Teens

Are you wondering how to navigate reading with teens? Today on the podcast,  Holly Packiam and Jaime Showmaker talk about how to stay connected with teens through books in this changing season of their lives.

Topics include:

• The kinds of questions teens wrestle with-- from identity to purpose
• The value in reading together in the teen years
• Practical ideas for creating space to read together 
• How to help teens recognize and choose good books
• Book recommendations for teens

Click HERE to listen to this Storyformed podcast and to view the show notes. 

Spring Fever, Once Again!

As I'm eye-recuperating, I thought it might be nice to share an older post about Spring fever!

It all began in St. James Park, near Buckingham Palace, a couple of weeks ago. Sarah and I were meeting on her spring break from Oxford to write a book together. I was sequestered in a small hotel room with a computer and was supposed to be writing a profoundly insightful book. It was just 38 degrees outside, but the daffodils were telling a different story. I had to take a walk to clear my poor little overworked brain.

Every year, spring fever hits me hard. So now, I just give into it, because I am a smart girl! :) Truly, there are times when I can't do one more responsible thing. I am a driven person, you see, and I can get a lot done--as all the moms in the world I know do most of the time, but.....

I may never write or blog or do anything productive ever again! Mounting up over daily life right now in order to be responsible just seems impossible and overly demanding.

My house needs organizing. Groceries need to be bought. Meals must be made. Birthday presents for Clay, Sarah and Joy who have May birthdays, need to be gathered. Commitments are piling high as I ignore them.

It seems my brain is empty and I just want to play, nap, or watch a movie! I want to eat something wonderful without thought of calorie or fat or sugar--or washing the dishes-- all by myself, with no one else to even taste my piece!

Right now, I do think I am desperate for about a year off, with a maid to wait on me while I serve everyone else. Perhaps a long vacation or journey to a new place, uninterrupted time with the closest of friends to some place beautiful and restful where someone cooks all of our meals and cleans up for us (probably a beach!) and no responsibility or calls or demands, and no one needing me for one single moment. Maybe we could kidnap our children and escape to the mountains for a few days.

So, is anyone else having spring fever? Anyone else out there need a mid-year adventure?

Just wondering............Want to play hooky with me today?

What would you do to escape if you could?

Craziness & Life in London & a Podcast

For a little while, I have been put out to pasture! Like my friend, here.

New friends who decided to say hello, on the edge of Port Meadow in Oxford. taken  by Joel

Dear Friends,

What an incredible couple of weeks this has been. My accident, the serious eye infection, the multiple trips to the emergency room, holding my precious new grand-baby-Lily in between, walking Sarah through young motherhood, and hosting our first Mumheart conference in London... in absentia! I was in a hotel room squirting eyedrops into my eyes! 

Through the ups and downs, I've been thankful for the graces of God to allow my sweet friends to be near me, my family to support me, and the thousands of letters from people saying they were praying. Your kindnesses often brought me to tears. 

Launch Team!

With the help of my friends, we are finally getting a launch team up for Clay's and my new book The Lifegiving Parent!

You can pre-order the book here...

The Lifegiving Parent: Giving Your Child a Life Worth Living for Christ

By Sally Clarkson, Clay Clarkson

You can join the launch team here...

Because I will probably be out of commission for another 6-10 weeks, I am so grateful for all of you who will help me spread the word about this book. These lifegiving principles will inspire you, give you practical ideas, and lead you in leading your children down the path of life with Christ. I think you will love the book.

It would mean so much to me if everyone could help share this book with your friends and community.

Daffodil Stroll...

I just had to share these lovely pictures with you. Joel and Joy took me for my first outing since the injury to St. James park opposite Buckingham palace in London. I can't tell you how much this beauty reminded me that Christ is the source of all returning life and beauty. 

“And then my heart with pleasure fills
and dances with the daffodils”

— William Wordsworth

Fixing hair... once a mama, always a mama! 

After being away from our new little home for five days, I returned to Joel's potato soup. And to hugs from Clay, Sarah, Thomas, and little Lilian.

Baby yawns are best...

Again, my plead! Help with my launch, go here. :-)

Lots of love and hugs coming to you!

Sally