When Darkness Comes, Cultivate Light With Ruth Schwenk (Desperate 3 & Podcast!)

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"Ideals" is practically my middle name. When I was a little girl, I remember watching Miss America and when I saw the "beauty" crowned, I practiced walking around our living room, preparing for the time I would be crowned queen. Stories of heroines in books and movies piqued my interest because I knew I was destined to be a protagonist in some great story.

Idealistic about faith, about romance, about life! Except one area: I didn't have any ideals about being a great mother. Honestly, I was one of those women who just didn't think about having children or mothering them. Having only brothers above me and being the only girl, I never had babies in my home, and I only remember babysitting about twice in my whole life--and that under duress.

Now if I had been a mothering/baby-oriented sort, I would have been idealistic about that, because I was idealistic about everything I knew about. But I didn't know anything about being a mom--especially about one of babies. After all, what could be so hard about having a baby? As a fairly mature Christian (after all, I had been in ministry for eight years, and missions at that! ) I supposed I would also be a fairly mature mom.

Fast forward, a few years into marriage. Living in Southern California was such a challenge for me as a young mother of two young children. Clay worked 65-80 hours a week, I didn't know many women in my area, and I had almost no "mother" friends. Our families lived halfway across the United States, and I was exhausted all the time. It didn't help that I was pregnant with my third child and struggled with morning sickness for six months.

After straightening up my house one afternoon, I poured bubble bath into my oversized double sink with Sarah, 4, on one side and Joel, just under 2, in the sink next to it. I gave each of them small plastic cup to play with in the warm, bubbly water while I hoped for a reprieve.

"This will hold them for at least 30 minutes, so I can get a break," I thought as I waddled to a chair nearby.

All of a sudden, 22-month Joel stood straight up in the sink. With a very exuberant smile from cheek to cheek, he screamed in delight and started scooping bubbles and water out of the sink and onto the floor as fast as he could, having a merry old time. He was just being an exuberant, happy little boy.

Something in me burst, and I started screaming at him with vein-popping intensity. "What are you doing? You are making a mess all over my floor! Stop it. Don't you know you are making a mess? Don't you know how tired I am?" The lecture had evidently been stored up for months, and I just kept going and going in anger and frustration.

My stunned, usually happy, easy-going boy plopped down (making another big splash on my floor) and looked at me with wide, big, sad eyes and then just started crying and crying and crying, as though I had wounded him for life.

All of a sudden, I felt soooooooo bad. What had happened to me? Where had this kind of anger come from? Here was my gentle Joel, my cuddly one, who was doing nothing wrong but just being a darling little toddler.

Shame poured over me in waves. Sarah looked at me in fear. The fun I had planned was totally spoiled. Everyone was crying. And all afternoon, I shook my head over the incident. How could someone who called herself a mature believer lose it like that? I was not worthy to be a mom. What would my friends think? What would Clay think if he had heard me being so irrational?

Darkness seemed to cover my whole being as I bent with disappointment in myself. I knew I had been impatient; that my son had done nothing wrong. He had been so delighted in his bubbles and then .....!!!!!

As a young mom, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I had three children in less than five  years. I had never been trained to take care of children, to change diapers, to nurse a baby, to miss hours of sleep for months at a time; or anything else that was required, and had almost no knowledge of what it looked like to be a "good" mother. Of course I read as much as I could read, but the books didn't cover everything. And then there were so many formulas and so many differing voices!

Scripture, though,  became my saving grace. I would pray and pray that God would help me--and little by little, He started building in me a philosophy of parenting, motherhood, and home building; generation-inspiring messages, and I found grace and freedom as I slowly grew. As I sought Him, and followed what I believed was the way of wisdom in parenting my children, by faith, I began to really, really fall in love with my children, with who they were, and the deep call of motherhood. This took years, and for me, it was never easy. But my home became a place of deep happiness and fulfillment. It was not from seeking the fulfillment of ideals, but from seeking Him and His wisdom and seeing His love and patience with me.

"Even as a father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on you." Psalm 103

So, God, as my Father, was compassionate towards me and knew my limitations and still loved me. And so I learned to have compassion on my precious little ones and practiced loving them more each day.

I wish I had known ahead of time that motherhood was a place of battle and growth.

If only I had understood that there were no perfect moms and that all moms, including good moms,  became frustrated, sinned and were selfish, and succumbed to exhaustion. If only I had not wasted so much time on guilt and inadequacy, but instead focused on seeking to enjoy life with my children more--to lighten my load-- to lighten up in general.

I wish I had understood that children are pre-wired to behave like children and do toddlerish, babyish, teenager-ish, things--and that God wanted me to learn to enjoy them and not be so neurotic about every single little thing.

I wish I had relaxed my ideals as a young mom, and just leaned into the life of being a mom more.

So many of my friends miss their children now that they are older. Most all of them say they wished they had relaxed more, loved more, and paid more attention to them personally--looked into their eyes more often.

Wisdom applied:

What are your biggest disappointments over how you expected yourself to be as a mom compared to your reality?

In what area were you least prepared?

How do you most need to adjust your expectations and find a way to enjoy this stage of your children's lives?

I try to remember, "This is the day the Lord has made (right now, this stage, this child, this circumstance) I will rejoice (I will choose to worship God right now; I will look for what I can be thankful for) and be glad.

I choose gladness and will live fully in this season and  grow little by little--knowing God is holding my hand and leading me, as new roles are opening even in this stage of my life—being a mother-in-law and grandmother! Will you join me?

I am so honored to have my sweet friend, Ruth Schwenk with me today. She is a gifted author, and has a couple of wonderful blogs. You can find her at thebettermom.com and she and her husband at: forthefamily.org.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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What Makes a Young Mom Feel Desperate? (2) & Podcast

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16 (NIV)

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It may be hard to believe, but loneliness has been a constant companion for me for many years. It causes me to ache inside, sometimes, bringing tears to my eyes and a longing for community.  I yearn for like-minded kindred spirits-- who also "like" me!

    I love having close, intimate friends who "get" me; those who know all about me with all my quirks and petty sins, and still love me. I also enjoy being with friends who are passionate about the Lord, ministry, the Word, and family--who have ideals like mine, but who also love to have fun and celebrate life. My close friend must be someone who understands grace and giving grace, who has learned it by going around the track of life and by being humbled. There are not, in my intimate life, many who fit this longing and who also initiate relationally, as I think this is a lost art!

      For much of my life, I have felt so alone, invisible in my needs to the world of hundreds of people who buzz in and out of my life. Isolated from kindred spirits. Probably some of that feeling comes because I am too busy, and some because I hold ideals that are in a minority in this culture. But as I sit here tonight, I thought since I have felt loneliness so often through so many years, you might, too; and I wanted you to know you are not unusual or alone--there are many of us in the same boat!

       In a world of isolationism, breakdown of families for every reason--moving all over the world and being separated physically, divorce, differing ideals, and just plain lack of commitment--there is personal isolation in crowded neighborhoods. Rarely does one find the simple community of people who hold your values and your faith. Add to that isolation in church, and prospects for friendship can be bleak indeed.

       Yet, I realize it has been this very loneliness that has driven me to the Lord. He has heard me over and over again and He has used this longing to open my heart to others who have needs. Increasingly, He has used it to humble me in my point of need, so that I have more compassion for those who are also separated from support systems.

As a matter of fact, most of what I write about has come from my struggles. This particular puzzle of my life has brought with it choices:  to live out in grace and faith or to live in the darkness of depression. Choosing to believe in God's goodness, has been for me the story where I saw a God who loves me and shows me life and grace and light in the midst. It is through choosing to seek Him and to hold on to His hand and to believe in His friendship that I have found strength and a way to keep going.

       I also know so many young moms who struggle with loneliness during long days in their own homes with their little children. One idealistic young mom cried with me last week, saying, "I just went upstairs for four minutes to put away the laundry, and when I came downstairs, my three year old had used a permanent marker to draw all over the naked body of my 18-month old and then draw all over my favorite blouse--and the carpet! I thought to myself, 'Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Take care of these children? Stay home by myself and do this day in and day out? Am I not more talented than this? Will I never have a bigger life?'"

       I smiled at her story about the markers because it was familiar and yet, also felt what she felt. I  personally knew her feelings, as I'd had the same ones when my 3 oldest were all under 5!! This mama is so cute and fun and intelligent; it's just that she's carrying her ideals about family life and children in a circle of friends who don't understand her or support her in a 24/7 life of constant demand.

       So I just wanted you to know today, that you are not alone. God indeed loves you so much and is so very proud of your bringing life and beauty into your homes. He knows your struggles. He sees you and your need to be loved and appreciated and filled up.

However, now in my 60's, I find there are gifts that loneliness brought to me--and see that God was trusting me to learn wisdom because He was with me every day of my loneliness. God did not design this world to be isolated, but He created us to have community.

Please do not think I am talking about being super-spiritual, because I am not. But, because God cares about how I feel, he turned it out for my good because He understood my feelings and sympathized with the needs I felt in this fallen world. These are a few lessons I have learned.

1. Humility--that I cannot make it in life alone just by toughing it out. I really need God and I need others to help me to make it.

2. Compassion, instead of judgment of others. Understanding the needs of others because of my own deep needs. 

3. An acceptance for others who were not just like me. It was the kindness of friends who were different than I was that made me appreciate the friends I did have. When someone showed me kindness, I was so ver appreciative whether we were the exact same or not.

4. Thankfulness came to me slowly when I learned to have gratitude for those God had given when my pride might have kept me from friends who were different. These friends  became treasures because of their steadfast, loyal commitment over many years. I no longer required that my "friends" be just like me or have my values. Tolerant grace and love grew inside my heart.

5. Contentment has come over many years. My spiritual muscle has grown and I am so much better able to fill my life with beauty, meaning, purpose, work and creativity to hold me through all my days. I have quite learned to deeply enjoy my own inner-self  and my own company and to find sweet peace when I am alone. 

 I am still a lover of people at heart and adore being with my "besties" when it works out. But, I have made peace and beauty my world as I walk one day at a time. Maturity takes a lifetime, but God can be trusted to walk with us and to build exactly what our soul needs to survive, if we seek His love and rest in His company.

Of course, if I could, I would have you all into my little living room right now for tea, scones and chocolate. But as it is, I am going to pray for you. You must be a conductor of your own symphony and make a plan to place some pleasure, times with people, outings away from the messy home and sequestering with too many sinful children and one weary mom in one small place. Going to a park, create beauty, go out for a one woman date in a place you enjoy, or just anywhere will change your mood, ease your soul.--just don't stay and stew where you are! In time, loneliness will shape you to look more and more like Jesus when you walk through it hand and hand with Him.

      Do you feel loneliness is a big part of your life as a mama? What might the Lord want to show you in the midst of it? What can you do to reach out to another lonely mama to begin shaping a friendship that will last a lifetime?

Grace and peace to your hearts today.

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

A Mama's Love is So Important

Everyone needs a mama's love.

"Mothers, you are the divinely-appointed teachers and guides of your children; and any attempt to free yourselves of this duty is in direct opposition to the will of God. If you neglect them, the consequences are swift and sure. … Spend most of your time with your children. Sleep near them, attend and dress and wash them; let them eat with their mother and father; be their companion and friend in all things and at all times.”

From Golden Thoughts on Mother, Home and Heaven

Being with my wildly idealistic children, living through the noise of our exuberant home (drum set in the basement, electric piano and real piano upstairs,  almost always with someone blaring away, singing, listening to music on their new various stations; rousing, lengthy, loud discussions at the dinner table; wrestling with the dog and watching movies and playing games and feasting with even just part of our family at home) has reminded me again, that all the trouble was well worth the effort. It all mattered. Really.

Even through all the exhaustion, meals, dishes, late nights, attitudes, weariness--it is of utmost importance.

Januaries are always a bit difficult. It is a time we can be be tempted to give up--the gray and extreme cold, not as much out-of-door time, and weariness in the middle of winter blues, all add up to a heavy season for many.

After many Januaries and winter seasons of my heart, I know the truth: roots are growing deep, the gray will eventually be replaced by buds on trees and light and warmth, and this can become a great season of memories made, if I craft life to make it so.

The way I got to this point--this far and still intact--was through years and years of defining and redefining ideals and seeking the Lord, then living through one day at a time, for a million days. Yet, I see life and beauty in the souls of my very individualistic children—the palpable life of the Lord, Who is building and growing them into healthy, vibrant adults.

The words in the quote above were written over a hundred years ago. Yet I still believe they are accurate and powerful today, in a culture where the imagination of the importance of mothers to the overall well-being of soul of the next generation has been lost. How affirming it is to see that truth of past generations still applies to us today.

Often, I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction with lots of activities and distractions for their children.

From the beginning of time, God created the home to be a place sufficient to nurture genius, excellence, graciousness, and grand civility. But the key factor is nothing that can be purchased or owned. The accomplishment of this grand life is found only in the soul of a mother, through the power of the Holy Spirit, personally mentoring her children.

It is a personal relationship with a real person whose soul is alive in which the deepest imprints of life are given.

How will you show love to your children today?

Nurturing God-sized Dreams

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Mamas are made to dream for God. He has work for us to do!

Excitement bubbled up in my own heart again yesterday, when I heard one of our pastors speak. His message was about not settling for life, but becoming an overcomer. There was this little familiar flurry of excitement stirring in my heart. It melded with some of what I have been thinking about lately.

 All of us were made by God to do a work in this world that would bring Him great glory and that would point to His light and beauty. We were created in His image, in His spiritual likeness, but with our own personality, skills, messages and drives. Each of us has the opportunity to live out a great story--one in which His power, His love, His light can touch everything we do. But only if we are dreamers--dreamers for His glory.

To live by faith, means to live as though the Holy Spirit is truly living through me--If the Holy Spirit looked at my marriage, my children, my friends, my skills, what would He be planning for my life? How would He be living it differently than I am living? What would He be planning according to His power and resources? How would He be bringing glory to His Father through the ways He would have me step out in faith, the ways I would be generous extending His love, the ways I expressed compassion and redemption to a lost world, as He would?

As I see the huge needs in our culture for Christianity to come alive--a need for teachers who love children and want to inspire them to have a great moral character and to learn how to read (as our test scores as a nation have gone down every year for almost 20 years.) When I hear of all the latch key children, I want to find a way to train more mothers to find ways to stay at home, or to spend more time with their wee ones,  in order to fill the emotional, spiritual and moral cups of their children. When I see the immorality, violence, emptiness and lies in media and in movies, I long to see passionate, artistic, insightful and skillful Christians rise up to reclaim the arts for the Lord.

And on and on. Christ has a passion for bringing God's glory in every arena of life and He seeks to raise up those who would boldly redeem back areas of darkness in His power and in His name. Yet, he has designed that there would be specific trainers of the next generation that would be able to train up godly, inspired leaders---mothers!

How Did Dreaming express itself through my life?

I remember in the movie, The Chariots of Fire, when the olympic gold medalist Eric Liddel was talking to his sister about his running, He said, "When I run, I feel His pleasure--God made me to run!"

I feel that same thing about speaking. When I stand up to speak to a crowd of 10 or a crowd of countless women, I feel His pleasure--I feel that there is a blessing and power that I was created to walk in. I understood what Eric meant!

I remember that when I was a young woman, I dreamed about speaking and writing--I was driven toward it. When we nurture the Spirit of God in our lives, we will find pleasure and passion in those areas that God has created us to do. Of course, it may take hard work and most of our lives is about faithfulness and growing, but each of us was designed by God to accomplish His work through our lives.

One of my friends was having coffee with me in Vienna many years ago, once and she said, "You know, Sally, lots of people want to write books, but very few get to really be published.

"Do you really think you will ever get a book published? Is that realistic?"

Of course her words troubled me for a while, but as I prayed, I gave my skills to the Lord and told HIm that I would be faithful in all areas of my life, but that I would also try to be faithful to practice writing and speaking--to use it to encourage my friends in letters, that I would speak to children, adults, whoever and wherever He took me, for His glory.

And if He wanted me to get published, fine, but meanwhile, I pledged to be as faithful as I knew how. Many of those years, I was speaking to my children in our own home, passionately sharing from what He had given to me in my quiet time. This is where I found my joy--sharing passionately with those I loved the most! It was from this small arena, that God caused my ministry to blossom, from practicing being faithful in small things.

So very honored to have the actress, Sharonne Lanier, on my podcast today. She is so inspiring. Find her at: https://sharonnelanier.com

FOR MORE

• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Moving From Desperate to Hopeful: A Journey for Moms (Desperate 1)

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It is 5:30 a.m. and I am up early sipping coffee in the lobby of a hotel near my home. With a house full of people all the time, food to cook, dishes to wash, conversations buzzing around, and the busyness of the holidays, I needed some time to center myself.

And yet, in the day and a half that I have been here, I have not gotten much accomplished. Even here, my phone has buzzed as my sweet children have called to talk to me of life, decisions, love, jobs, and relationships. Other people have called with questions and needs for ministry, conferences, and the next book on its way.  Friends still need me. Clay has tasks for me to do. 

One year long ago on a similar weekend, Joy came to stay with me in the evening. "Mom, why did you and Dad get married to each other? What gives glue to your life? What drives your life?"

A little heavy for 10 at night, I felt. There are moments when my brain is just empty and a flat line. But after a few hours of sleep, I awakened to find my mind was just bubbling over from pondering her questions. I couldn't wait to have breakfast with her, to give her an answer.

Sometimes it is as though the Holy Spirit speaks to me best in the middle of the night when there are no other distractions or duties. Imagine!

The scripture started flowing:

"Rule over the earth and subdue it." Genesis 1

"The wise woman builds her house, the foolish tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." Matt. 7:24-27

The more I pondered my purpose, the more my excitement grew once again, to live, write, and speak to what I have been designed to do. The evening before, I had been weary to the bone with having spent myself in a thousand ways over the past months. A thousand ways people and life had required my time. Don't we all have lists of people and life issues that drain us on a daily basis?

If we are serving  others and living purposefully, we will become tired because we are expending our energy generously on a regular basis. It is why God made night times to sleep, and Sabbath rest to celebrate;  He knew we needed rest, and He provided for us to be refueled.

And yet, if we think all we are doing is checking off a list of "to do's" full of mundane tasks that will have to be repeated again and again, we will not have the fire in our hearts to complete the job. It is just too much work. Too much giving of ourselves and expending of our energy. If motherhood is just about keeping a child alive, fed and dressed, then why not give them over to someone else to raise so that we can have our own lives back?

In remembering the why of our marriage, our life work, our love and commitment of family, my heart became energized once again for the multitudinous tasks.

What if this is the work that matters for history? What if shaping souls will be our investment in the kingdom of God? And if the mothers who have babies do not take care for their children's well-being and souls, then what hope does the future have? All of this once again filled my mind.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19

"If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied." 1 Corinthians 15:19

This labor of love that we diligently pursue is not about now. It is about investing in the kingdom of God, doing His work today, living our conviction that people have eternal value and that we are willing to be shepherds for their souls.

If there will be a resurrection, an accounting to God for our days and for our children--and there will; if He has entrusted us with this charge of raising our children for His glory--and He has; then we must complete our task with diligence. But we will only do so if we understand that some day, this story we are living will be told and our lives of faithfulness will be a testimony of our worship and belief in Him.

Our hope-- that is, our anchor--  is that our labor matters. Our hope is that our labor is not in vain. Our hope is that He sees us and has appointed us to steward the lives of little ones whose souls will have eternal impact.

If we connect to Him who is life, and listen to His words and admonition, and understand that we are about a work of the kingdom of God, our lives have reason for hope. We know that we are investing in eternity. We are shaping history. We are giving shelter and creating a place to teach wisdom, truth, and love in the stormy places of life.

Truth and purpose give us a reason to live this irrational life of giving, serving, exhausting ourselves for the sake of living a story. 

The difference between desperate and hope is that one life lacks meaning and is just filled with endless, meaningless work. The other life has the same amount of work, but is filled with the anticipation of working hand in hand with God for an eternal result that will truly shape and protect generations. This work fills a heart with the fire to live the impossible.

I will be dong some podcasts from our book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe the next few weeks. Praying for all of you wonderful ones who join me here.

I hope you enjoy my chat with my sweet friend Sarah Mae today. You can find her and all of her places at sarahmae.com

This is a photo from the last time she came to visit. We always have so much fun.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

When Planning (or Anything!) Makes You Feel Inadequate as a Mom ...

It’s an interesting season, isn’t it, the new year? It seems everyone has their planners and new calendars out, and they are posting on social media about their grand plans for the year. Pressure is even higher this year, as it’s not only a new year this January but we are entering a new decade—with no mistakes in it yet! Yet already several times this week, I have been in conversation with different people who have expressed inadequacy in their lives. This from people I love, respect and think are wonderful people.

"When I see what so-and-so is doing, I feel that I fall so short."

"I think I am disappointing so many people--I can't seem to call everyone back, respond to emails, get all the housework done, be patient, and and and..., I always feel like I am falling short."

"My children seem to fight all the time. I just can't seem to manage them like other people do."

"I am such a failure in my marriage."

Even my children have felt this way sometimes.

"Seems all the people who are immoral get the positions I’m trying out for, and I just keep plodding along with no special favor."

"Compared to all of the other professional musicians around, I am not up to snuff."

"Mom, do you think she has more skills than I do? Will you be disappointed in me if I don't do as well as I thought?"

Comparing ourselves to others is epidemic, and it will always, always be destructive. We will either find ourselves falling short of others, which will cultivate self-condemnation, or we will find ourselves better than others, and that will bring pride.

Proverbs tells us that "The fear of man brings a snare."

When we look to others as the standard by which we should live, we make them idols. They become the standard by which we think we should live, instead of living by grace and freedom in Christ. When we look to others for our affirmation, we will never find enough. There will always be someone better, prettier, more successful, wiser, etc. etc. etc.

How grateful I am that Jesus shows no favoritism. He reached out to the unlovely, the unpopular, the meek; children, prostitutes, tax collectors, lepers, Roman soldiers, bleeding women--women, which was pretty revolutionary at the time! He lifted them up and gave them worth. Maybe he did show favoritism after all--to the broken, the humble, those who had no illusions about themselves--those who appropriately realized that they needed a Savior.

Jesus said, "I am humble and meek. Learn from me."

I love coming into His presence. I am usually in my wrinkly pajamas, with sleep breath, no make up, tousled hair, vulnerable--(I am naturally a fearful person.) But I light my candle, pour my tea, and in His presence I find love and acceptance and hope. He made me. He knows me, and as Psalm 103 so kindly tells us, "He is mindful that I am but dust." But I am also part of His family. I came from Him--His very own Spirit. He formed me in my mother's womb. He will always be loyal and accept me because I am a part of His very being in this world.

In His presence, I am adequate, because He saved me so that I could be in His presence without pretense or performance.

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Not come to me all who are perfect, have arrived, have accomplished enough.

If I am acceptable to the Lord of Hosts, the king of the whole universe, then I need not compare myself to others. As a matter of fact, it is the only way I am acceptable to Him— if I don't try to come to Him on my merit, because I will always come up short.

I love the story of the little drummer boy, which I listened to at Christmastime as a little girl. The scene I pictured was the traditional manger scene of Jesus. Humble shepherds, keeping watch in the fields, heard the angels and sought the baby who had been born King of the Jews. Yet, there were also the great "seers" from the far East. Seems that the wise men all dressed in silks, satins, and velvets adorned with gold. They were carrying more gold along with frankincense and myrrh as they approached  the manger where baby Jesus was born. These magnificent kings probably also came with an auspicious entourage of servants, camels, baggage, and fine jewelry.

However, the poor shepherd boy had no possessions--nothing to give to this newborn Servant, come from heaven. He had nothing to compare to the finery of the wealthy, learned men. As he pondered what to do, he realized he could play a song for baby Jesus on the rude drum that he highly valued. And so the young boy, humble, uneducated, with no title or prowess, approached the crib--and played with all of his heart.

"I played my drum for him, parumpapumpum. I played my best for him, parumpapumpum."

To honor the Lord Jesus, the little drummer boy gave what he had, offering his heart of love with his gift.

That, of course, was what Jesus wanted--the boy's love, the boy's admiration and willing heart.

Now that is something I can give wholeheartedly--myself, my love, my faith and gratefulness. I may not give perfection, or maturity, or prowess, but I can give him my little girl heart. The heart that sees His beauty, His unconditional love, the freedom He gives me to be me, just as I am. And that makes me respond with such love and appreciation. How very grateful I am that Jesus does not compare me to anyone else. He is my justification. He is my badge of honor.

So, this new year, may I give Him the gift of my adoration, not because I will ever be enough, but because He is my all in all.

It's A New Year: Own Your Life! & New Podcast 2020

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life." Psalm 39:4

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I have put one more Christmas to rest and now another year is upon me. I see more clearly, the older I get, that life is indeed a passing story where I have the opportunity to live in such a way that my story can be one of pointing to God's goodness, His faithfulness, His kingdom, His ways.

But to live a story well, I must make choices every day to live with integrity and love, being intentional in my commitments.

This holiday season was one of the best I remember for a while. Seems all the kids have snuck into adulthood while I was busy and they have become strong and established in their own personhood. It is sweet tasting to my heart and soul to see them love each other, prefer each other, wanting to be together and affirming each other in our presence--even amidst small and petty arguments, natural personality conflicts and differing opinions.

After all, we trained our children to think, to be convicted, opinionated, and so they are. But their preference for each other as best friends and the "holiness" of our family community eventually trumps the differences that are natural.

If I ever wondered if all the work of training, loving, correcting, and serving my children was in vain, I now know that it made a difference--that God was indeed at work using a small vessel like me to fill and form their souls. Throughout all the years of fussing and tension that existed in normal life, I didn't know they would end up such great friends--Simply amazing and wonderful--take hope!

One morning after a past Christmas vacation, a phone call from a grateful child filled my heart. "Mom, you cooked and cleaned and served a lot this Christmas--but we were all watching and it went deep into my heart. The messages you shared and the devotions we had while we were home penetrated deep places and I just wanted you to know your labor has not been in vain. I love you and appreciate you more than I ever have."

Some thoughts have bubbled up during their time at home......

Discipleship is never over.

In the midst of the busy days, I was sequestering each child by themselves to pour in vision and encouragement and words of life and exhortation, because I know more than ever how short my time is--and I know that they all have many voices in their pathways vying for attention.

And so I remind them, "How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, but His delight is in the law of the Lord" and then over coffee and laughing and sharing hearts, I remind them again to seek the still small voice and the holy way above the other noises of life--and to seek to see His fingerprints and heartbeats.

Another thought is how my family fills my cup, and lives a reality that blesses me and renews my own courage and faith, as I want to be strong because they believe that I am strong. As our family has practiced the presence of Christ, His words, His feasts, His love, His truth, His mission as a way of living every moment together, we have become a strong fellowship of Christians moving toward similar missions of glorifying Him together.

Sometimes when I am exhausted, like now, and have lived through a looonnnnggggg year of trials, I am tempted to compromise my ideals--just a little here and there without noticing.

But that is not His way, and I do not want to capitulate to the ways of weariness. And so amidst serving them, I was called to a higher standard just by hearing them talk and dream and idealize--those I have served are now serving me and exhorting me to hold fast and stay the course!

Here are some questions I had as I took a few days away with the Lord at the beginning of the year: What work do You have for me this year? How can I serve Your purposes? What do I need to correct? How can I better serve You? Show the light of Your life onto all the hidden places of my heart and let me give all of them to You.

I want to hear Him, His voice, His priorities.

I have found over the years that many people seem to know "God's will" for me and are free with advice. But I want to hear Him, follow Him and please Him. I am feeling the rumblings in my heart to pull back further from culture and expectations of others to have more time intentionally to invest on those areas that are on His heart, and to make sure I have time with real live people to be personal and focused in my love. But before I make any decisions, I must go to Him to hear His voice.

And so, today, I wish you a blessed year, a time when you can see His love and commitment to you and hear His voice of wisdom and compassion.

And along the way, may you have a lot of fun and enjoy this life He has placed into your hands.

Be blessed, my friends.

Books Referenced in this Podcast":

A Yearly New Years' Tradition: Decluttering Your Soul (with Podcast!

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Each year, on New Year's weekend, I get away to a private place whatever it takes, to view the state of my heart, mind and soul. This year, it seems I was carrying a lot inside that needed to be put in the file drawers of heaven. But, when I leave my past burdens in the file drawers of heaven, and by faith, trust God to move generously in my new year, I feel lighter, and ready to see what He will provide for me in the new year. Every year, I share these thoughts that I hope will give you a fresh wind blowing through your soul.

Even as we declutter our home and put it back in order after a busy holiday season, so I find that I also have to declutter my heart to go into my year free, with grace, hope and good plans.

Proverbs tells us to “Guard our heart, for from it flows the springs of life.”

If we do not keep our heart free from those things that would bring darkness, discouragement, criticism, fear, despair, we will not be able to accomplish all of the other tasks we have planned for our year. He must be at the center of our peaceful and trusting heart. But even as in marriage or parenting or friendship, as issues must be communicated and discussed, so our heart issues must come to the light and be talked about with Him, so that we can declutter our souls.

Snow blew through our whole area today and it gave me some time at home to begin my yearly tradition of planning my priorities, commitments and goals for a new year. Each year I write about how God has led me to de-clutter my heart, mind and soul. I hope it will encourage you to do the same!

There is something uniquely good about January 1. It marks a new year, a new beginning, a new possibility. It also marks, for me, the reentry into simplicity. I don’t know if there is a more satisfying feeling for me during the year than when we put all of our Christmas things away, the decorations, the remnant of cookies, the clutter. We did that in my home, today. I have also been revisiting an article that I rework every January 1, as it is a pattern I seem to keep needing to learn.

Every year for the past few years, I have pondered and written about de-cluttering my soul. I hope you will be blessed by these thoughts. I am pulling away for a few days, once again, to see what needs to stay and what needs to be cut. And so I am deliciously excited to take time alone to get back to my soul.

I love the celebration of life and the traditions and the fun and the beauty of special times spent with my children, husband and friends. But, there is something deeply satisfying to me about getting it all put away and getting back to normal.

Perhaps it is because my normal responsibilities of caring for my family’s needs demand so much of me—cooking nutritious meals, organizing our schedules, cleaning and organizing on a daily basis, homeschooling and add to that ministry—these are enough, but holidays put on that extra load. Routines go by the wayside and so the clutter and demolishing of the house, slowly takes over.

I am not a person gifted in handling details—too much mail, too many catalogues, too many emails, too many options, too many things. The more there is, the more I become responsible for, the more work there is to be done, and so, the more anxious I become. Same with activities.

And the past few years, I have had too many opportunities and too much work to occupy almost all of my energy and time. How does one say “no” to ministry, to needs, when they are all around.

The more I commit to, the more I say yes, the more I have to drive, the more my house gets into a mess, and the more anxious I become, the more hurried we feel, and the more weary I become. When I am not at peace, nothing in our home is at peace.

We can all see how too much clutter and too many piles causes us to feel overwhelmed with life. Consequently, slowly, I have learned to declutter as often as I can—throw away unnecessary stuff. Clay is really the master at this. He helps me get rid of things, organize things and put away things. Yesterday, he decluttered our pantry—threw away chip bags that held little but took up space, cleared out empty water bottles, bad, junky Christmas candy that had been given to us, but would never eaten; baskets that had fallen off of their nails, groceries that had never been put in their place. Now, if someone came into my pantry, they would mistakenly think that I am an organized person. (Thank goodness for Clay!) It made me feel good just to open the door and to see that all was manageable again.

But, I have also come to realize that my brain and heart can be the same way---cluttered with worries, responsibilities, duties, children’s future, finances, time constraints, expectations, disappointments, critical attitudes, resentment. All of these added together, can tend to create soul piles and mind clutter. If I don’t take the time to sort the piles of mind clutter, my spirit becomes a mess and my heart becomes overwhelmed and weary.

It is what awakened me at 4:00 a.m. this morning-soul clutter and worry. It is another reason I like January. It gives me an opportunity to make a new plan, to simplify the mind messes and to start off a whole new year well. In the same way that throwing away stuff and clearing out closets brings me relief, even more, soul and mind cleaning and decluttering brings me rest.

So, as I begin a new year, and head into my conference season, a very busy time for our family, I resolve to deal with my soul-clutter, so that I may have strength to face each day in peace. I come to the place where I know I will find the help that I need. I come to my Father and ask Him to help me, His child, to show me how to make get rid of the junk that is unnecessary, and to help me clean out and organize my soul.

He speaks to me gently.

It was in writing my book, Dancing with My Father, that I have learned so much about finding joy--and peace. In Him, with Him, by Him all the moments of my busy day. His voice leads me to what I long for--but I must get rid of all that causes me to fret, worry, criticize, control. There is a way....

“In quietness and rest shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15 You need to come to me and give me all those things that are weighing on your heart. Resolve to seek rest and peace.

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

I listed all of my issues this morning in my journal (and there seem to be multitudes of clutter piles in my soul--worries, attitudes, bitterness, weariness, fear, sin and a few more!) These are issues that will suck me dry and my energy dry if I do not notice them in order to clean out my soul!

The Lord prompted, "List all of your issues, give them over to me, don’t hold on to them. I am capable of taking them from you and being responsible so that you will not be weary or carry what you are not capable of carrying.

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. “ Psalm 37:7

Focus on resting in me—sit in my lap, so to speak, rest in my arms. Let me carry you. I love you.. Wait for my timing. Don’t force things or beg me to hurry up. I am in control.

“Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10“Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother;Like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131:2

Give me your attention and get control of your spirit. Be quiet. Be still. Recognize my sovereignty and transcendence. Remember what Jesus said, “Our Father who art in heaven, holy is your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus modeled his understanding that my will is what you need to rest in. I am in heaven and I see all things—the future, the past, your children, your relationships, --all your clutter. Give them to me. Quiet your soul and rest in my strength and power.

“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one little child like this receives me.” Matthew 18:3-5

Come to me as a child—even as your children, in their innocence and sweetness of heart, know that you will care for them and meet their needs because you are a loving parent who cares for them, so I am your Father who will take care of you. Leave the burdens to your father and take your rightful place as a child. Humble yourself and trust me. Enjoy me. Delight in the beautiful moments of this day. Notice the little miracles. Live as an unfettered child. Accept your little and big children and receive them as a gift from me, and your will indeed receive me into your midst.

“ ... a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” I Peter 3:4

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about so many things. But really one is needed and Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10 41-42

Don’t worry and fret and stew and stir up unnecessary dust. Choose simplicity—just one thing I require—that you give it all to me and love me. I will take over. Even as I gave and provided a Sabbath in which all of my children should have rest from their work, so I want you to live in my Sabbath rest for your soul. Rest from your striving and labor. Take time for naps, for pleasure, for joy. This day you have to receive as a gift--I can't promise what tomorrow will hold. But today you can love, give peace, speak kind and wise words, dance in your soul with my secret pleasure that comes from knowing that I love you. Simplify your life, don’t make choices that will complicate or add unnecessary pressure or cause you to sin or grumble. “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life,” as Paul said.

So, as I yielded my lists into God’s hands and de-cluttered my troubled soul, I left feeling that even as my house has been coming to order, after we cleaned and straightened it yesterday, now my soul is moving in the direction of order.

How should I declutter my soul?

1. Check your heart for any guilt or unconfessed sin. I have found that letting God erase my weight of real or false guilt, helps me to admit with God that I need Him, His grace and His forgiveness.

2. Are there any hurts, burdens, fears, worries from the past year that you are carrying on your own shoulders? Write them down, give them over into God’s hands and ask for practical wisdom about how to handle it. Pray from your heart about how you need help.

3. Are you carrying any bitterness that is stealing from you? When we do not give forgiveness or accept the limitations of a circumstance or person, we are the ones who suffer the most. Be humble, give up bitterness, revenge, a gossiping heart and mouth.

4. What are some dreams or ways you need to see God help you? Ask Him to provide for you—what is on your heart.

5. Are you cherishing the world or worldly things too much? Is ti keeping you from being close to Him, from developing righteous values? What do you need to change to move toward a closer walk with God? books? conference? daily time?

6. Be yourself. Don’t carry the burden of comparison to others or a phantom that makes you think you should be a certain way. Be free, live in grace.

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Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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A People to Belong To: Pillars of Strength & Joy and Sally Podcast

Every year on Christmas, we have a feast for a breakfast and take a million family photos.

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Belonging to each other

"Mama, I can't wait to come home and just be together as a family."

With the chaos of voices clamoring for our soul allegiance, the pressures to conform to cultural values, the constant compromise of moral values, the redefining of family structure, the world can be a calamitous, draining and confusing place.

Satan who comes as an angel of light is always seeking to draw away the allegiance of every human being from the values of the kingdom of God and our heart allegiance to God our creator and King.

Home fires, traditions shared, meals eaten in fellowship together over the messages of life, values upheld, histories made and the stories of them told and celebrated are the roots that go deep into the heart of a child to keep them tethered to the truth of the Gospel and the foundations of faith.

It is our history and roots that keep us faithful and give us the strength to refuse the draw of Satan, the temptation of the world to compromise our ideals or to relinquish our faith.

Nathan was talking to me last night and asked, “Mama, who are your very best friends, who encourage you spiritually, who hold your values, who add to your life?”

I didn’t need more than a second to answer, “Next to Daddy, you all are my best friends and I would do anything to be with you because you keep me going forward in my life, my ministry, my heart.”

We craft the beauty of the kingdom of home, so that our children and our husbands; so that we have a place to belong, a history to uphold, a purpose to guide our decisions and our ways. The accountability of a family who loves one another and says, "I am here for you. I believe in you. I need you. I will help you love God more each day. I will share any wisdom when I can be of help. I will choose to spend time with you and make memories because you are important.I will help you," and this calls to the desires in each person to a place where they are valued and where they belong.

The life of our home is not just about "house beautiful", but it is a "life" that draws the heart to all that is true. The crafting of our home life validates the reality of God's love and redemption in a place that satisfies a soul that longs for stability and foundations that cannot be shaken.

So day to day, is not merely about correcting immaturity or organizing meals, it is about the Life of Jesus incarnating the moments with love, truth, beauty, faith so that every child who leaves its walls will always have a place to come home to and feel that they will always have the gift of belonging to a people, a history and a place that is safe and strong.

Today, in my podcast, four areas that start with “p” that are pillars upon which to build your life, your home, your values, so that you will be able to sustain the building of your own home and legacy. It will be one of the best works of your whole life.

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I Wish You Peace This New Year & New Podcast

Rembrandt on Jesus in the midst of the Storm

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Storms will assault our lives. We feel the storms of culture, of politics, of battles in our homes with sinful, immature people, (including us), in church, in almost all of the aspects of life. Yet, Jesus was the storm calmer. This year as I go into my new year, I am pondering how to allow Him to calm my storms, to give me perspective on how to see the circumstances of my life.

I have been thinking about Him, weary from ministry, constantly surrounded by the companionship and noise and engagement of life with young, bold, opinionated men and women. Yet, He, sleeping, quiet, at peace in the storm. Like a baby, warm, deep breath sleep, soundly at rest--restoring, trusting, fret-free existence in the calm of slumber.

How? How did He find rest? I want that rest.

Perhaps, He, Knowing that his beloved Father loves him and will care for Him. Knowing the Father knows all things and is the transcendent, creator, ruler, compassionate, trustworthy One gave him the ability to put all of his anxiety and worry in the capable hands of his Father, and he found the peace, the space to allow His body to rest. .

In my storms, I am timid, fragile, fearful, doubting. 

He knew I would need Him, picturing for me the peace that passes understanding amidst the gales and torrential, unrelenting issues of life, so that two thousand years beyond I would have a image of what it means to rest in the storm.

"that they may know that you have loved them, even as you have loved me." John 17:23--He who loved and cared for Jesus in his storm, loves me just as much.

He who was with Jesus, is with me.

leaving me a psalm, a song to know I am secure:

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!”
3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;
6 Of the pestilence that [a]stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
7 A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
8 You will only look on with your eyes
And see the recompense of the wicked.
9 [b]For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
10 No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your [c]tent.

11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.
12 They will bear you up in their hands,
That you do not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and cobra,
The young lion and the [d]serpent you will trample down.

14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in [e]trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 “With [f]a long life I will satisfy him
And [g]let him see My salvation.”

He is still the calm in the midst of storms, the peace and rest in the torrents, the comfort and lover and One who is powerful above all and still says to the powers that threaten, "Be still."

So, today, I am seeking to be in that vortex of peace, beauty, rest, calm because He is here with me.

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Books Referenced in this Podcast:

More Resources:

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• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!