Embracing Gentleness In The Midst Of Challenges

IMG_6293.jpg

“A gentle answer turns away wrath. But harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1

Play Episode on iTunes & Stitcher

Being able to actively “grandmother” Lilian and Samuel has been a deep heart delight to me. But it has reminded me of the power of gentleness and patience. My little ones are slow, messy, willful, but also fun, delightful and mine! I have been reminded again that gentleness and quiet patience really draws them to me. I am the one who needs to change my “always busy, accomplish something now “ attitude to fit their sweet, growing little hearts, not the other way around.

This year hasn’t been easy on anyone — from social distancing to canceled important events to children staying home from school, many young mamas have faced extra challenges on top of the already demanding tasks of motherhood. It’s easy to allow this added stress to deeply affect us, influencing our attitude and outlook on everyday life. But we must look to Proverbs 15:1 when interacting with our loved ones, no matter the stressful circumstances we face. When mamas choose to do this, they give their children the gift of a lifegiving, gentle mama by whom they feel nurtured and loved.

I will never forget this moment. Standing in the hallway of the hotel where we were hosting our mom’s conference, I noticed a sweet mama who looked as though she was at the end of her rope. Holding a young baby, who was arching his little back and crying as though his heart would break, she looked beside herself.

I offered to hold her little one so she could get some rest. Sure enough, he would begin to quiet and then something, probably a little gurgly tummy, would cause him to begin to wail once again. I held him close, cheek to cheek, his to mine, with my mouth aimed toward his little ear.

Softly I began to talk to him and then sing the song so often sung to my children: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” very softly, very gently. He would quiet down. Then another cry would begin, and I would talk to him very softly again … “You are not alone. You are so very precious, you are a darling boy,” lyrically, holding his soft cheek so he could feel mine. Each time my voice started, his little eyes got big and he would quiet.

After several minutes of this repeating, he fell fast asleep.

When my children were young, if I wrapped my demeanor, by my will, in softness and gentleness and answered their anger in a gentle voice, with non-accusing eyes, they were more likely than not to listen to me and to respond.

They still are! And so is my husband and so are my friends and and and…….

“I understand you are feeling frustrated or angry, but I want to listen to you and understand what you are saying so I can help you.”

Angry words answered with loud voices and accusation just adds fuel to the flame of anger. Gentleness and sympathy puts water on the fire of a loved one’s angry heart, soothing their frustrated feelings. Once I had this scripture in my head and learned to use it in many relationship situations, I saw how effective this piece of wisdom was. All of us desire, even in our frustration, to be honored.

There is no absolute solution or formula to calming every angry quarrel. Yet, wisdom from Proverbs has often saved the moment for my family. A hormonal teen, an exhausted toddler, an exasperated school-aged child, or a husband who is angry—all of these long to be treated with focused attention, an understanding heart, and a loving response.

As we all know, it is natural to react in like—anger to anger. However, it is the Spirit of Him who is love that leads us to react in love. As the Spirit lives through us, we will see His power and fruit drawing others to Him through us, when we choose to remember bits of truth he has left for us to follow. A gentle answer turns away anger.

Gentleness grows stronger with practice. It comes with humility. It grows as wisdom and takes root in the heart that values the ones she loves. May God grant us to become gentle in our love, that others may see Him through us.

I just completed a podcast about this as well as the subject of how humility, coupled with gentleness, gives us a way to be more joyful in life. It is on my membership: Lifewithsally.com

Home Is a Place to Belong

A35E1F43-0CBF-4CCA-B49D-C0EE27AB9A17.jpeg

"Mama, I can't wait to come home and just be together as a family."

Every home has its own personality. The favorite food cherished, the traditions kept, the emotional song within the relationships inside the walls, the flowers planted, and they reflect the ones who live within. Each of us longs for home to be the place we are loved, invited as we are, part of the crowd.

With the chaos of voices clamoring for our soul allegiance, the pressures to conform to cultural values, the constant compromise of moral values, and the redefining of family structure, the world can be a calamitous, draining and confusing place.

Satan comes as an angel of light, always seeking to draw away the allegiance of every human being from the values of the kingdom of God, and our heart allegiance from God our Creator and King.

Yet, home can hold one and keep them fast to the values and faith celebrated within the treasure of the community valued there. Home fires, traditions shared, meals eaten in fellowship together discussing over life, values upheld, histories made and stories told and celebrated are the roots that go deep into the heart of a child to keep them tethered to the truth of the gospel and the foundations of faith.

It is our history and roots that keep us faithful and give us the strength to refuse the draw of Satan.

We craft the beauty of the kingdom of home, so we and our children and our husbands have a place to belong, a history to uphold, a purpose to guide our decisions and our ways. The accountability of a family who loves one another and says, "I am here for you. I believe in you. I need you. I will help you," calls to the desires in each person to have a place where they are valued and belong.

Now I am in a new place for a season, and will need to find ways to make it “home” for as long as we are here. It will take time to fill these rooms with the memories of deep discussions and shared meals, caresses and chores, music and work.

The life of our home is not just about "House Beautiful", but it is a "life" that draws the heart to all that is true. The crafting of our home-life validates the reality of God's love and redemption in a place that satisfies souls that long for stability and foundations that cannot be shaken.

Creating a home is about the Life of Jesus incarnating the moments with love, truth, beauty, and faith so that every child who leaves its walls will always have a place to come home to and feel that they will always have the gift of belonging to a people, a history and a place that is safe and strong—no matter how long we’ve been there.

He Is Waiting For Us In The Hidden Places & podcast

oxford+cafe+reading.jpg

“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

Matthew 6:6

A 14 day quarantine was good for me. I could have taken about 6 months! One of the things I have been thinking about is how I need to keep praying, going to God, asking Him to work in a real way in my life. It is easy when we get out of control of our circumstances to feel a little bit like our prayers are not changing anything. Yet, if we truly want to be close to God, to stay close to His heartbeat, we must keep cultivating our connection so that His spirit can speak to us and prompt, encourage, convict and give us a live sense of His love.

God longs for the most personal, intimate relationship with us. While He created us with this in mind, sometimes in the midst of a particularly challenging time, we allow ourselves to drift away from Him. And yet, it is in drawing closer to Him than ever before, in committing ourselves to daily time alone with Him, that we are able to claim our roles as His child. When we let Him meet us where we are, peace will follow.

The past few weeks have been somewhat stressful for me. One of those times when you are often brought to tears or at least a hole in your heart, while seeking to try to give it all to God and leaving the stress in His capable hands. I have many practices where I verbally and mentally give it to Him. But for me the stress often comes from being caught in the deep conflict and battles of life my loved ones (children, husband) are caught in and feeling very responsible to change or help meet the answer and needs of unanswerable things. I feel especially sad when my children are down or lonely or up against very difficult circumstances that I can’t change.

I was talking to one of my children who said, “This is the kind of year when you say, Lord, I am pretty sure I am going to blow apart before the end of this day, can you please, please help.” And guess what, mama, I am depending on God again because I have to—there is no way out.”

Sometimes life is like that. Yet, those of us who have determined that for our whole lifetime, we will trust God, walk with Him, even in darkness, even when tried to our core, no matter our feelings, we will see His faithfulness and we will grow a godly character.

Godliness comes from a long obedience and heartfelt trust in the direction of a Holy God who is faithful.

Indeed, we cannot always see Him, we do not always feel Him, but faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction (believe, certainty) in things not seen.

This morning, the words above capture me. My Father is waiting for me in secret. He longs for me to come to Him, to tell Him of my secrets. To confess my sin, my weaknesses, fears, vulnerability, my selfishness. to tell Him that I actually believe He is strong enough to hold me, to give an answer that will be good, to be willing to believe that he will provide.

And my own conflict resolved itself today as several of us, after much faith walking, praying, asking for wisdom, asking for intervention and for His peace.

I have also learned to truly say, “God you love my children and husband and friends more than I do. You are perfectly capable of taking care of this situation. I will give it to you and wait to see you care for this need or issue.”

Dreams, feelings, longings matter to him because I am his beloved child. Perhaps he even placed them there. Perhaps He wants to expand them or help me in a very personal way—or comfort me while I wait.

To think of Him waiting and willing to answer, to love me, to talk to me to respond--to change the course of history because I came to Him, my Father.

Oh, to leave Him waiting with me not showing up.

Oh, Father. Thank you for waiting for me here, my secret place with you, where you do not allow anyone else to interrupt, or bother us. You are so very considerate to make this time for me. I come to you as a little girl, I am here to be your beloved daughter. May you know how very grateful I am to have you all to myself. I love you, my dearest of all dearest Fathers.

Do you ever, like me, neglect to answer God’s call? Do you ever leave Him waiting?

Sometimes we do so because we just don’t know what to say. Maybe we are feeling dry and exhausted, and we don’t even know what to read in His word.

I pray my words encourage and help to you as you’re answering God’s call each day.

The Key To True Friendship And Finding Joy

IMG_8768.jpg

Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made frill. This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The uncertainty, isolation, and difficulty this year brought upon the world caught us all off guard. With the distractions of work and everyday life, I think many of us were able to escape much of our loneliness, until we had these distractions taken away from us. The lock downs called our attention to an isolation that had been brewing already for some time — many dear ones in my life expressed feeling more alone in life than ever before, coming to the realization that they hadn’t yet found their kindred spirits, and longed for the joy and comfort of a close, committed friend.

There have been crucial dark moments in my life when I would have floundered or fallen apart if I had not had friends to carry me, to comfort me, to guide me when I couldn’t see where I was going. We were created with a yearning for connection, community, and a sense of belonging, a people to call home. Much of our joy is sustained through relationships with people who have chosen to love us, to help us, to be committed.

I find it curious that Jesus said, "These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full." He wanted his disciples to be joyful—full of joy! And he was telling them how. He gave them a whole list of connections, and it is all about relationship! He said that we are to obey him and that if we do, we will abide in his love, live there, dwell there, flourish there in his love. And then he went on to define the commandment that will help us to abide in his love and experience full joy: "This is My commandment, that you love one another." That's it? Not that we have to be perfect or holy or righteous or without sin, but that we love one another? That is where our joy is made full?

Absolutely. This is why Jesus commanded us to cultivate and be committed to "life-laying-down," serving, loyal love.

As I consider this passage in light of my most committed "love" relationships—marriage to Clay, who has stuck with me through thick and thin for forty years; Gwen (and a few other close friends), who have loved and accepted me unconditionally for more than four decades; my children, who are the closest of friends and beloved of my heart—I realize that it has been in my relationships with them that I have had the most joyful memories, the deepest intimate encounters, the greatest celebrations of life. I have felt deeply loved and accepted in the common life experiences that have knit our souls together. And it all came through committed, "I will be loyal to you and love you no matter what" love.

I also see that severed relationships have kept so many of the people I know from having joy. Any broken relationship is like a divorce: it tears a portion of our heart apart when something that was made to be whole is broken. I wonder if a statement opposite of Jesus' could also be true, "You will not experience fully my Father's love, nor have your joy be full, if you refuse to love one another. That is what will keep you from experiencing the intimate love of God and the fullness of joy in life—because you were created for love!" And I also wonder if a statement such as "Greater love will a person lose if he is not willing to lay down his life for his friend" is true as well.

This laying down of our lives—serving, giving, helping—is the key to real friendship and love, and ultimately, the fullness of joy. What does that look like? Looking back at the passage, Jesus said, "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you." How has he loved us? He gave up his throne in heaven and came to the earth as a simple, humble man. He lived and loved and served and healed and poured out his life and died on the cross to pay for our sins. So that becomes the standard for what he means when he says, "Love one another."

AHWS_logo.jpeg

Fall Means Time for Knobby Apple Cake (recipe!)

Chill wind is blowing outside my door and leaves are dancing in the glory of golden spangles. Life has been so very busy as I am setting up my little Oxford home that I have hardly had time to take in the beauty, changing color and to breathe in this lovely fall weather. And having to stay inside for two weeks gave me great desire to walk the meadows, to explore the canals and boats so near me.

Funny thing, one of my bedroom windows on the second floor looks out on a loaded apple tree just beyond my reach. But it has filled me with thoughts of fall apple dishes so familiar to our family every night I climbed into bed and pulled down the shade, while peering at the luscious apples. And Clay loves loves my apple cake. So we will all be anticipating the deliciousness awaiting us.

So, today, I am putting aside duty and deadlines to sit and sip hot cider, to sit in my "cozy" chair and read a story and to celebrate a fall tea time.

To not recognize this day and the beauty He has crafted for my soul is to fail to worship and be grateful; to notice His masterpieces.

So today, I take time to breathe in the beauty, that I may adequately turn my heart of thanksgiving toward Him who took the time to make it for my enjoyment.

What for tea time?

I think it’s time to make Knobby Apple Cake — or

Squirrel Nutkin Cake, as Joy renamed it!

2 cups sugar (I use the organic brown turbinado, small grind)

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup oil

2 eggs

2 cups flour (I use half freshly ground wheat, and sometimes a little oat and rice ground together and mixed together)

2 tsp. soda

1/2 tsp. cloves

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. nutmeg

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp vanilla

4 cups grated apples

1 cup chopped nuts (I add them to the top of those who want them.)Cream butter and sugar. Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Sift dry ingredients together and add into wet ingredients, mixing thoroughly. Fold in apples and nuts, bake in greased floured bundt pan for 40-45 minutes at 350.

Drizzle powered sugar glaze over cooled cake and serve.Glaze:

2 cups powdered sugar

dash salt

warm water to thin

2 t. melted butter

1/2 tsp. vanilla Mix glaze ingredients, add water as needed to thin, add more sugar if too thin. Drizzle over cake.Tastes best when warm or hot! A sprinkle of nuts on top with a drizzle of homemade caramel sauce is also delectable! Enjoy!

A Lifegiving Table Is Possible From Anywhere

IMG_1762.jpg

Play Episode on iTunes & Stitcher

The idea of creating a lifegiving home, cultivating an atmosphere of friendship, wonder, and love for the Lord can feel overwhelming for us, a far-off dream that we don’t know how to accomplish. The truth is, we will not always have a big, grand table in a comfortable home to host friends and guests. Sometimes, we’ll only have a tiny table big enough for two, a little apartment with barely enough room for a coffee table, or a life that feels off-balance. The secret to cultivating a lifegiving home is not a perfectly balanced life, luxurious home, or a fancy table of food. Instead, it is an open mind, inspired heart, and a deep longing to create stability, no matter the circumstances.

Over ten years ago, I was sitting in a hotel room far from home. I spread a pashmina scarf across the small side table, pulled out and lit a small vanilla candle, placed two tea cups and a chocolate bar on the edges. Finally, I turned music on from my computer and connected it to a speaker I carry with me everywhere I go. A soft knock tapped on my door. “Just in time,” I thought.

I opened my door and smiled and touched my friend’s arm. “I am so excited to steal this time with you. You are always an encouragement to me.” We had met at a conference a few years before and both of us found solace in the fact that we mutually understood the demands of traveling and speaking as a way of life. Though we lived over a thousand miles away from one another, we met whenever we were even a little bit close to the same city.

As my friend peered around me and saw my little table and heard the music, she squealed with surprise and delight—truly a squeal! “A traveling tea table! How fun!”

“Oh, I have been longing for a cup of really strong tea.”

My ministry to women all over the world means that I travel many weeks of the year. Sometimes it is a weeks-long international trip, but often I travel to speak at weekend conferences. One night I was dreading a weekend engagement because I had been away from home for several weeks in a row. A brilliant thought popped into my head: Take home and table with you wherever you go. Make a table for friendship and mentoring by taking everything you need with you. Create a table of friendship and influence that is portable.

So now, these many years later, whenever I go on the road I bring along everything I need to create a lifegiving table moment, either alone or with someone who needs my love and encouragement. This helps me create some peace wherever I am and sets up my times with the Lord and with my sweet ones.

While visiting China on my book tour in seven cities a few years ago, I purchased several beautiful pashmina scarves for a song. Now I take them everywhere I go. A pashmina works as a shawl over my shoulders when the plane is too cold. But it also brings added loveliness to a coffee table in my hotel room—a perfect setting for an impromptu teatime.

Candles in tiny jars or cans (plus matches!) also accompany me wherever I go. Their flickering lights automatically create a soft atmo- sphere. My iPhone and computer are always stocked with a variety of background music, easily played on my tiny portable speaker.

I always travel with my very own tea—always a strong English Breakfast blend, with Yorkshire Gold being my favorite—and a china teacup or mug because china keeps tea and coffee warmer longer. This is a necessity to keep me centered on the road. Being able to continue my daily habits of creating islands of beauty and civilization makes me feel I have a little touch of home when away.

For snacks, I carry a zippered plastic bag of toasted, salted, sprouted walnuts and almonds, sometimes salted dark-chocolate almonds or tiny wrapped rounds of Gouda cheese. Fruit or veggies are available wherever I go, so I can have a tiny feast for whoever visits me.

And it goes without saying that I travel with my Bible, whatever book I am reading, and my most current study journal. I may even stuff in my newest Victoria magazines. (My Sarah and I love perusing them, as the old ones are collector items and have lots of articles about authors we love.) These are beautiful to look at and fun to page through—food for thought and ideas for recipes and decor and travel and more. Therapy for my eyes and soul without having to contemplate too many stressful subjects.

Looking for opportunities to deepen friendships, to counsel women, to have fun and invite someone in so that I do not feel alone has provided me with countless sweet and memorable moments from setting my table in my hotel rooms.

It can happen nearer to home as well, of course, and I don’t even have to pack my bag. I have been known to create a lifegiving table in restaurants and coffee shops, at picnic tables in the woods, in local hotel lobbies, and in the houses of friends. Sometimes I serve the food and drink; sometimes it’s served to me. But as long as I carry with me the vision of table ministry, I can almost always make something happen.

Once again, it’s not about the food. It’s about what happens at the table.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

  • Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

  • Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

  • Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

  • Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

AHWS_logo.jpeg

May Your Words Inspire Life And Beauty

IMG_0590.jpg

Play Episode on iTunes & Stitcher

We have the beauty to create beauty with our words or darkness.

Oddly, I can remember the words that were spoken to me as a little girl vividly. One set of words was about how I lacked beauty. For many years, I felt that I had to really try hard to be attractive. Conversely, a friend in college said, “You will go far. You have so much wisdom and ability to inspire.” And her words also gave me hope that maybe somehow I would have a way forward and I began to believe in the potential of my future life.

Words have a power, life and death. They can change a life for good or bad.

Our words hold much more weight than we might realize — many of us remember the first time someone’s words felt like a knife, or the words we most regret saying to someone in our own life. We must aspire to be people whose words are welcoming, a salve to souls who’ve endured past trauma and hurt, inspiring an atmosphere of wonder and joy. We must choose to use words that will honor God, words that will reflect His beauty.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in the right circumstances.

Proverbs 25:11

No matter how you picture a gold apple, you would probably think to find an apple gilded in gold and wrapped in silver settings something of worth, delightful, an elegant display of a fruit so commonly loved.

That is the magnitude of words spoken at just the right time—of great worth, something that stands out and sparkles, reflects light, gives a sense of beauty and design. So, if we really think about our words and how to aim them at the heart of others, we can have that valuable of impact. Solomon is saying that such words aimed at the heart at the right time with grace will have great value and great impact. Don’t underestimate the value of learning to speak in a loving, encouraging, gracious way. I have been thinking about the importance of words lately - they bring life or death.

Jesus was called the word or “the Message” and His life brought hope and redemption and truth and guidance and blessed all who understood his message with grace and eternal worth.. 

I have met so many young 20 somethings in the past few years who have scars from their parents--mainly, I have heard stories of parents who never encouraged or had time to listen or believe in dreams or sympathize. "My parents never listened to me. They never understood me. They were always angry at me," is often what I hear. 

“I wish you had never been born,”

“You are such a disappointment to me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are so dumb.”

“You embarrass me.”

These words are like knives that cut deeply to the inside of a heart and leave ugly scars on those who have heard them over and over again.

But if we were to look at the Word, Jesus himself, we would see intentional encouragement. "Peter, you are the rock. Thomas, a man in whom there is no guile. The centurion--no one has had faith like you. Mary, your story will be told about you for all times." Jesus always took time to show love to initiate words of life--even to believe in Peter and encourage him as he was about to rebel against him. Peter, Satan has desired to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you......"

It is almost as detrimental to withhold words, though, as to say angry words.

“I never remember my father saying anything kind about me in my whole life.”

“I don’t remember my mother ever saying she loved me. When I told her I loved her when I was 27, she said, ‘I do, too.’” That was the extend of her love verbalized. I always wanted to know if I was worth being loved.”

A word held back could keep a person from hope, faith, affirmation, a sense of worth. We also know that negative words building a wall, separate friends.

And so words have power and influence over who and what a human being becomes. That is why we must deeply consider how very important it is that we consider how to invest words of love, hope, truth, encouragement and practice saying them regularly. It is also why we must teach our children to ponder what words of life are and how to give them to others, as though we were giving them apples of gold.

James tells us that we should be very careful of our words and that we will be held accountable for them someday. Here are just a few thoughts on words from The Ministry of Motherhood.

Words are powerful; the Bible is full of that message. The whole universe came into being because God spoke the words. God's written word in the form of Scripture is central to his ongoing communication with his people. Jesus himself, God's ultimate form of communication, is described as the Word of God. And the Bible is clear that our words are important too. Many verses instruct us in the importance of words spoken as a source of life and encouragement. A few of these verses from Proverbs describe how precious words can be:

A soothing tongue is a tree of life. (15:4)

A man has joy in an apt answer,

And how delightful is a timely word! (15:23)

Like apples of gold in settings of silver

Is a word spoken in right circumstances. (25:11)

Encouraging and affirming words -- words of life, as I like to call them -- have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong.    taken from The Ministry of Motherhood, p. 41

In Proverbs 15:4, how is a soothing tongue a tree of life? How do bitter words stunt growth?

Proverbs 15:23 says a timely word is delightful. How can you encourage one of your children with a "timely word" today? Have you received a "timely word" in your quiet time lately? How did that encourage you?

Gold and silver are precious metals mentioned in Proverbs 25:11. Read this verse to your children and have them illustrate what they think this would look like. Discuss how our words can create a picture of beauty for others. End your time with an apple snack. =)

What about you as a parent?

If she engages herself in meeting the needs of others and reaches out with the redeeming message of Christ, her children will learn not just to hear words of the gospel, but to learn what it looks like to live the gospel.

A mom is a mentor--a coach in all things excellent in life. If she is not growing in excellence, kindness, humility and gentleness, she cannot pass on to her children what she herself has not stored up..

Don't worry so much about the right rules, the best formula, what are the right books to buy. Be concerned instead, for your soul--what are you planting there? What are you watering in the depths of your heart attitudes? Whatever you water will grow. Nothing in your heart will be long hidden--as all things hidden eventually will come to the fore.

So the starting point of your influence is the state of your own heart, mind and soul. If there is purity, wisdom, strength, faith, love and righteousness there, then when you pour out your life, those around you will be blessed indeed.

No money, things, training and activities can replace the importance of Children finding the very essence of Christ spilling out in our lives, and in our words, from what we have carefully taken the time to place there inside.

May the Lord bless you with creative ideas on ways you can speak life to your loved ones this week!

Printable:

SC Ephesians 4.png

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

 

FOR MORE

  • Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

  • Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

  • Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

  • Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

AHWS_logo.jpeg

Inspiring Hearts and Souls ... In Thousands of Moments of Life and Conversation

3C0E782A-666C-41F3-B8F4-B9790B0B7711.jpeg

 

 Part of our purpose as moms is to inspire our children, to capture their imagination, to awaken wonder of how our children were created to fulfill great purpose in their lives.

I think my kids lives have been more formed on our front porch while rocking than any place else except the dinner table. How often we sat together long talking about the issues of life, sharing secrets, listening to hearts. The thousands of conversations did not look “holy” or “sacred” yet these produced more lasting fruit in their overall lives. It is where mentoring, discipleship took place one hidden moment at a time.

Influence comes through time spent, relationships developed, conversations giving birth to dreams over a lifetime.

“Mama, you never ever gave up on believing that I would make it in life, even through all the ups and downs. You made me believe that I could actually do something that mattered with my life, and you are still doing it.”

I loved hearing these words because I didn’t always feel like I was doing this. There were those times where life seemed long, impossible, and challenging. Yet in all of those times, choices were made, words of hope were invested and they blossomed into lives that grew and flourished. Sad is the child who grows into adulthood without a champion to support then along the way.

But this happens over years, days given to patience, coaching, training, speaking forward, encouraging—all the quiet choices we make to deeply invest in our children’s ability to imagine living well, living intentionally, living a purpose-filled life. It is one of the roles I think mamas fill uniquely. We inspire, they live lives of faith because we took the time to invest.

"As mothers and fathers, it is so easy to get distracted by the details of our lives. We have so much to do! We must feed our children and take care of their health. We must oversee their education and their training to make sure they will be able to take care of themselves and live in a civilized society. We train them in righteousness so they may understand how God wants them to live. We try to relate to them in mature ways and help them learn to have healthy relationships.

Yet often, I think, we get lost in these mulitudinous tasks that rule our lives, and we lose sight of the underlying purpose behind all those tasks, which is to prepare our children to go into the world and make disciples for our Lord.

But in the midst, we are awaking wonder in their imagination of how they will tell a good story, of how they will invest their lives to bring light, beauty, goodness uniquely through their personality and gifting to their worlds. How we need to empower our children to understand and imagine that they have a purpose in the world.

Each of our children has been given a specific personality and a particular set of circumstances that will give shape to God's purposes for his or her life. It is our privilege and responsibility as parents to help our children understand their particular fit in God's plan. This means pointing out special skills and talents. It also means helping children realize that God didn't give them such skills and talents just to use on themselves, but to glorify him and bring others to Him through the stewardship of their lives. In other words, we are to help them see themselves and their potential and then to inspire them for God's purposes:

Joel, you are so musical. Maybe you will write great music that will encourage others to worship God and want to know Him!"

Joy, you are so compassionate. I love the sweet cards you make! I can see the Lord using you to comfort and encourage many lonely or hurting people."

This quote and more about the gift of inspiration are in my book, The Ministry of Motherhood.

When our days are busy and so many demands on our time cry out for attention, it can be easy to start seeing our children as if they are projects to be perfected; always needing more correction, more training, and more and more work. After awhile, that sort of focus leads to resentment on both sides. Over many years of mothering, I've learned that reminding my children of the things they do well and encouraging them to bless someone else can do more to turn a negative attitude, a really bad day, or a hopeless cause completely around than the longest, most eloquent lecture I could have mustered.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Our chief want is someone who would inspire us to be what we know we could be."

I think that's a pretty good job description for a mom, don't you?!

The Right Way Will Not Always Be The Popular Way

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,Nor stand in the path of sinners,Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord,And in His law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

On occasion, women say to me, “Sally, you seem to have had such an easy life. It doesn’t seem like your children struggled or rebelled.” My children deserve to have their own private lives and we made that decision together years ago. Yet, as all children, toddler to teens, go through stages, develop, grow, struggle, so do parents as they try to shape and direct them in the God’s ways of truth and life.

It’s natural for kids and teens to long to fit in with their peers. We’re wired to desire community, a people to fit in with, place we feel comfortable and accepted in. Of course, there is a danger to this desire. Young teens are easily influenced by their friends, the people they attempt to emulate — and often enough, these very people can lead our children into making harmful decisions, or behaving in ways they’ll eventually regret. We may not be able to keep our children from ever doing something they’ll regret, but we can instill a sense of self that embraces what is right, what is best for them, what is wise. We seek to pass on an understanding that Jesus was not concerned with them or himself being popular.

Sometimes it is a bit humbling or perhaps testing to have older kids. The ways they tease or roll their eyes at ways that you always said this or ways you trained them can subtly feel a little personal. Yet, as I look at all of my sweet ones, I know that they are so very grateful for having been given foundations of ways to think, to live to develop their own sense of integrity—and here is an important one—to give them a sense of their own potential influence, self-government and virtue in a very dark world.

They have to own the messages of your hearts in their own hearts. And so it happens by investing love, spending time to listen to them and winning the right to speak to them because you have been cultivating relationship with them.

Godly influence is not won by force or authoritarianism.

That sort of influence is usually lost. But it is won the way Christ did it in the lives of his disciples—by giving his life to them.

I remember recently we had a time that was like so many other times with my adult kids in the last few years…..

With warm mugs of coffee in hand, ease of mood and cheer of heart, the kids were sitting around repeating all of the mantras they heard over and over again throughout their lives.

"Mama, the funny thing is, I hear your voice every day of my life, everywhere I go. And the funny thing is, it keeps directing me to make good decisions."

Sometimes we don't think our children are listening to our repeated in instruction. Yet, I believe that "Train up a child in the way he should go," is a part of shaping brain pathways of truth and morality in the minds and even the souls of our children as they shape their values.

One of the mantras they heard over and over again was, "Wrong is always wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right even if no one is doing it."

Each of my children, as they have gone into very compromising places of thought and behavior, (Hollywood, New York City, Boston, Oxford, Cambridge, St. Andrews), have said that developing this wisdom as a part of making decisions has helped them not to compromise. Understanding that the world is a place of compromise, and that we were called to be holy, set apart--light in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world, prepared my children to go into very challenging arenas, armed with an understanding of what the battle would become, and how they would be tested.

In a world of relative value and constant compromise, ("Oh, everyone I know who is a Christian watches this kind of show." Or "Everyone else I know says it is ok." And then follows, "I am a liberated Christian. I can do this in the name of religious freedom."), we must give our children a sense of absolutes in the areas that are important to God. If we listen to the voices in the world, on blogs, on facebook, even in Christian culture, we must understand that such voices create compromise.

The Ten Commandments are a great place to start--no adultery, no idols, setting themselves apart to remember their God, and to honor Him, as well as honoring their sweet mama, (Me) and their great Daddy, Clay. And such voices create compromise--

Our family considers ourselves also to have great freedom, yet we also have strong standards of holiness and morality because we have focused on seeking to please the heart of God. The only way you can create freedom to live righteously and give wisdom in knowing how to behave in life is to teach about Jesus and His instruction every day. Only when we have pondered His words, can we understand His heart towards life.

Psalm 1 is a passage I used over and over again to train my children to walk not in the counsel of their friends or the world, but to delight in the heart and rightness of God's words in order to have a sensitive conscience to what He wanted them to do. We acted out and memorized through verse 4 and it became a picture of what a righteous person looked like in a culture that was cynical, criticizing, compromising---the blessed man walks in the counsel of the Lord.

My children had to say "no" to certain age-inappropriate movies when we were not around. They had to learn to be the ones who would not participate in certain activities of other groups. They learned, by practicing, not to engage in immoral images on the computer, (this usually will eventually accost all children--but they need to learn to say no! And they need to know they can trust you to tell you what they have seen to ask for your help.)

We talked about media, peer pressure, foolishness and read proverbs together many times to find wise ways of living.

Learning to be righteous is a heart issue, not a rules memorized issue. If it feels wrong to their heart that has been shaped on righteousness, then it is probably wrong. But you need to talk to your children as they grow, about choices, trusting you, listening to God, living above reproach in a culture that is evil.

We cannot force righteousness on our children by legalism and harshness. This only makes them want to hide from us. But instead, we nurture and cultivate a love for goodness by cultivating it in our home each day.

In all of our ideals, righteousness is progressive. In other words, we make mistakes, we fail, sometimes we do foolish things because they are so accepted in culture. Sometimes, wickedness jumps after us like Potifer's wife chasing Joseph. And our children learned the concept of fleeing--just drop what will burn you and flee--run immediately away from the temptation.

Yet, Proverbs reminds us, "The path of the righteous is like the dawn which shines brighter until the full day."

We train our children in our home, we help them and love them even if they fall, we pick them up, we protect them, we walk with them on the paths of righteousness, and they grow stronger day by day, year by year, and learn for themselves to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, who leads them in righteousness.

Maturity if a muscle built strong by much exercise.

How have you taught your children the concept of being holy--set aside for God's purposes and glory?

Mamas Have The Power To Raise Good Men

IMG_6421.jpg

"The only thing necessary thing for the triumph of evil is for good women (men)  to do nothing."

Edmund Burke

These days, it seems we’re constantly faced with another example of an influential man using his power for evil, living without morals or care for others, or maybe even one who chooses to look the other way when confronted with another man’s bad behavior. Now more than ever, we need good men in this world, men who live a life dedicated to goodness, heroism, protecting those in need, and love.

We have all probably heard the quote above from Edmund Burke many times, but still, it is so true. Passivity is a form of rebellion. It is a choice we make when we say, “I won’t follow my ideals. I will not help. I can’t give. I won’t serve. I refuse to get my hands dirty or to live sacrificially.”

Either we are engaged in the battle or we are quitters. There are times for rest, for regrouping, for restoring or renewing a vision. But to choose to be passive about serving God or standing up for what is right is to reject being responsible.

Obviously I cannot speak to every situation in one small blog. But we observe in our culture that there are very few “Stand Out” heroes for our boys to follow. Yet, I think deep in the heart of most every little boy is a hero waiting to be let out.

A couple of years ago, I was flying back home from Chicago and I was riding a train from the concourse to the terminal. A older woman stepped on the train just in front of me. Immediately a little boy about 9 years old jumped up from his seat and said, “Would you like to sit here? I don’t mind.” Immediately a small host of men riding together cheered spontaneously. “Woohoo! Way to go! What a great guy!” They proceeded to pat the little one on his back. I think the little boy will never forget the cheering he received for being thoughtful as a “man”.

We have the ability to call our own little boys (and girls) to their best selves. We need only look inside their hearts to see the courage, nobility, kindness, generosity that wants to be expressed through their lives.

Today, Nathan and I talk about what it looks like to be a good man and how to shape your boys’ hearts so that they will grow in their self-image to wanting to be a good man in their generation—a good man who is willing to be a part of bringing God’s goodness and light and morality back into a culture that longs to be led and taught.

Jesus was getting to this “useless” sort of passivity through the metaphors he shared in this passage.

Shaping our boys doesn’t mean they or we have to be perfect, but we are believing forward in our boy’s lives, we are giving them heroes who are steadfast and brave, we stand beside them, always ready to help, encourage, support. We see inside the man they have the potential to be, we believe in the and awaken wonder and imagination in them to become, to grow, to stand strong.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…"Matthew 5:13-1

I know many of you are new to my blogs and podcasts. Nathan and I get letters almost every day about how our book Different has encouraged them in seeing their children who have such different personalities and issues with an eye for viewing their potential and calling them to live into a great story. You can get it in many bookstores.