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As I cuddled and wiggled into my soft, warm, squishy duvet even a bit more this early morning, I was mentally taking a look at my heart-feelings and they were very slow and tired and a little fretful. As I lay there feeling like I needed to make some big decisions that had come into my life, as I pondered unanswered questions about the future, about my children’s health, lives and future, and the state of our crazy world and country, all of a sudden, as though a whisper, the message came, “Be gentle with yourself today.”
My life is in some ways so very quiet here in lockdown in Oxford, but still I am trying to make Clay feel happy amidst all of the sequestering inside, days on end,, and reaching out to my children. But, we can go nowhere, no cafe or restaurant or store, or anyplace. And in the midst of it, I am in need of making some long term and short term decisions for our family.
But God whispered, “Be gentle to yourself today. Don’t make this day the one where you get everything done, figure life out, take care of everyone else in the world. Just be still, just rest, just breathe in peace.” Truly, it was the message that came to my heart.
And, so, I eased into my morning, gentle, soft music, my favorite china mug filled with hot, steaming tea, a candle in a chrystal jar, and a view to my living and green garden. Ahhh, peace.
For many years, I lived as a Martha, rushing around, busying myself, planning more than I could possibly accomplish and then getting grumpy with the kids when life didn’t go as planned, and I could see how fruitless and wasted this attitude was, but something pushed me, perhaps from guilt, to work harder, push more, get more done.
Little by little, I learned that I cannot control life, I am not in charge of the universe, children and computers and people do not just easily and naturally conform to “Sally’s” expectations and demands. And I wasted a lot of energy and emotion being a bit anxious and demanding.
I know now that life will blast my expectations, children will get ear infections at the wrong time, I don’t always get my way, even from a God who loves me, and storms are going to come again.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do is sleep, or rest. Many years ago, Elijah became my ponder to help me grow in the direction of valuing planned slowing down, gentleness and rest.
Elijah had just accomplished the biggest feat of his life—he had disproved the existence and power of Jezebell’s God, he had called down God’s power from heaven, he had defeated all of her prophets, he had amazed all of the people in this kingdom realm.
Yet, at the end of it, Jezebel threatened his demise, to take his life and suddenly, after all of these victories, Elijah crumbled. We read:
While he, (Elijah) himself traveled on a day’s journey into the wilderness. He sat down under a broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” 5He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, "Arise, eat."
”And he looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again.…”
I Kings 19: 5-8
Elijah is one of the most faithful and one of the most valiant heroes of faith in the Old Testament. He was faithful in a pagan land. Faithful when lonely. Faithful in a battle against godless leaders screaming at him of his worthlessness. He was faithful in spiritual battle. And then, as a mere human being at his limits, adrenalin on the ground, he suddenly felt overwhelmed with the desire to give up. He had had enough.
Perhaps this week of voting did you in, or the last 9 months!
Have you felt like that?
I’ve had enough of this marriage,
This child,
This church,
This friendship,
these friends,
this job,
This ministry,
This…fill in the blank.
Even the most spiritual people become exhausted, drained, and often feel like the only way forward is to give up—to give up an ideal, a relationship, a ministry, a commitment. All of us have been dragged around the block a few times in the past few months and we are understandably drained, depleted and a little weary.
As I cuddled and wiggled into my warm blankets even a bit more this early morning, I was mentally taking a look at my heart pulse and it was very slow and tired. As I lay there feeling like I needed to make some big decisions that had come into my life, as I pondered unanswered questions about the future, about my children’s health, lives and future, and the state of our crazy world and country, all of a sudden, as though a whisper, the message came, “Be gentle with yourself today.”
My life is in some ways so very quiet here in lockdown, but still I am trying to make Clay feel happy, and reaching out to my children. But, we can go nowhere, no cafe or restaurant or store, or anyplace. And in the midst of it, I am in need of making some long term and short term decisions for our family.
But God whispered, be gentle to yourself today. Don’t make this day the one where you get everything done, figure life out, take care of everyone else in the world. Just be still, just rest, just breathe in peace.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do is sleep, or rest.
I noticed that after Elijah poured out his doubts and discouragement to God, God did not say, “Elijah, you need to trust me more. You need to get up and do more. You are disappointing me.”
Instead we read,
* “An angel touched him. The power of touch and affection is real.
I remember one time when because of really draining and difficult circumstances, I felt hopelessly depressed. A friend shared my grief and struggle and said, “I don’t know what to do to help you. But I can at least provide you with a coupon to get a massage.” I dragged myself to the massage clinic. The lights were lowered, soft music played and for an hour, every sore muscle, every tender place that was tight, was massaged and felt the therapy of a skilled person, and oddly, when I got home, I thought, “I’m not as depressed.” Nothing had changed, but somehow just a little deep touch and peaceful quiet had deeply ministered to me so that I could go on one more day.
*The angel said, “Arise, Eat!”
As we are physical beings, we expend energy and strength, every waking moment. God made food for our pleasure and he gave us an appetite to want food, and He made it the way we would stay alive. As the primary cook in my home, I am used to having to figure out what everyone wants to eat, every day, all the time. It must be shopped for, cooked and then of course cleaned up after.
Imagine my deep gratefulness when I rolled over one early morning because I heard some noise at my door. There, the most beautiful tray was pushing through towards my bed. A single dark red rose, (my favorite), shown above a tiny chrystal vase, a soft flame swayed about giving out vanilla scent from a small votive candle. Scrambled eggs bedecked with cheese, freshly cooked bacon chunks, a dollop of sour cream with avocado slices lining the side of the plate. A separate place held a pile of raspberries, salted almonds, and a buttered piece of homemade toast literally dripping with goodness. Hot tea steamed from my favorite cup. Sarah and Joy were walking side by side seeking to keep the tray from tipping over.
“Mama, you serve us every day. We hoped this would cheer you up and let you know we appreciate you.”
The food tasted the better because someone else had prepared it just for me. I have to admit, however, that there have been many times when no one was there to cook for me. These times, in honor of the angel serving Elijah, have spoken personal permission to my conscience, and I have been known to take myself out to a lovely French Brunch or an extravagant meal eaten all by myself in times I just needed some spoiling. Because I have not had lots of family around us most of our lives, I considered that in their absence, and the absence of their care, maybe one of the wisest things I could do was to spoil myself in order to keep going.
Then, he lay down under the broom tree and fell asleep. Ahhh, sleep. Don’t ever underestimate the power of sleep.
I am not a great sleeper. I get very tired, but I am an early riser from the demands of my parenting-professional life and made a habit of making myself get out of bed to “get to work.” Sometimes I have felt that if I am working in some way, that I felt guilty.
Yet, the past few years, I have made time to sleep in at least one or two days a week, (Clay used to let me do this when the littles were littles, just to help me stay alive.)
So, touch, eating, sleeping.
A couple of more ways I have treated myself in gentleness are:
*Accept your limitations with no shame. No one is perfect, God understands and knows this, and if you choose to understand this, you will be at peace more often in your life.
*Be careful how you talk to yourself—in other words, monitor the voices in your head to be sure they are the loving voice of God, because yourself is listening to yourself.
*Let God being gentle with you. Picture Him as ready to talk, ready to help, to give, to love you. He is for you. He is not happy about your hurry, He wants you to sit with Him in peace and joy.
Most important is to understand that this admonition is from God Himself:
I am reminded by Him, “In quietness and trust is your strength.” Isaiah 30: 15
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