Mentoring with Love & Lifegiving Influence

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People asked me what our secrets were for influencing our children.

This is the secret:

Loving them well, generously, all the time, in every situation.

My children are truly my best friends and now, mentors. I love spending time with them, the conversations, the shared memories of sitting on the porch after an evening walk to watch the sun go down and to settle the issues of our days.

Yet, I know that in loving them, I have to put them in God’s capable hands and send them out with a “Fly, fly, precious one. Fulfill your destiny, pursue your ideals, your story will be a great one.”

Freedom to live into the possibilities of all that they were created to do. They are not mine to hold on to—they are loaned to me, but they are now living into His purposes, His life for them, His calling. Control is not the goal, inspiration, loving foundations, truth-then setting them free to live a flourishing life with their own personality, skills and drives unique to them.

Being loved specifically and intentionally adds to our physical well- being, our spiritual equilibrium, our emotional health, but also our mental strength and health.

Probably the most important influence of my whole life in learning to interact in a healthy way with all people, including children, came from pondering Jesus and the way He embodied life-giving influence.

The attitude with which we come to our children will affect much of their response to us as teachers.

We can all see that humans are not thriving, in general. Despair, depression, loneliness, isolation, and rising suicide rates are common plights. But we must see that unless we return to a more humane and personal way of investing our lives, people will continue to grow more troubled, more impersonal, more distant.

To create a life where the hours and moments can be filled in satisfying interaction means that we must choose to fill the time our children could be engaged with machines or other entertainment with planned personal time that satisfies to the depths of their hearts, minds, and souls.

All of us need a place where our roots can grow deep and where we are a part of a like-minded community and have a safe refuge from the storms of life. Home can also give wings to dreams, nurturing possibilities of who we might become.

All homes will have a personality of their own, but part of loving well is planning the life and shaping the character that will define the unique attributes of the family who dwells there.

When a parent makes it a habit to be affectionate to a child in a way that accompanies their personality needs, there is an automatic connection. … affection is a sure sign of closeness and preference that often softens the instruction of a parent to a child.

As we evaluate how to love our children and students well, we must ask ourselves, ‘Do they believe and feel I have their best interests in mind, or do they think I have my own agenda for them?’ ‘Do they understand that even though they struggle, I am here to help them succeed?’ ‘Is their heart open to my instruction, or is there a wedge of resistance that I need to figure out and address?’”

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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Ode to Tired Mamas

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There once was a sweet mom with children,

Who worked day and night just to serve them,

She cleaned and she cooked

and she taught and she booked,

Till she died of exhaustion and left them.

Sally Clarkson

Today, only comfort food would do. Yumm. I enjoyed every single bite. Sat on my couch, listened to music. Drank tea and then coffee and pretty much just vegged for a while. I was remembering this ode that I had written over 10 years ago—and it still applies!

Ok, ok--it's not great poetry, but I did think there should be a short dedication to all the moms who have given and given and given with nary a one to appreciate them. I got tickled the other day. I had written the blog about taking Nathan to dedicate him to the Lord after taking him out to lunch and then the little story about taking Joy out for her 13th birthday. A sweet mom who read the blog was probably sending a comment to a friend and accidentally pushed the reply button and sent her email to me which said, "She makes me tired!" (I have done this before much to my horror--meaning to send a comment to Clay and instead sending it to the person who wrote it! Grace and peace--don't worry!)

But, I do think this task of ideal mothering, wifing, friending, working is such a tiring calling and we all put ourselves under  so much pressure to be perfect when we have too many sinful children,  no support systems, no breaks, no full time maids,  and they all want  to eat and wear reasonably clean clothes every day !  And we are  responsible for their character, manners, education and spiritual  outcome, sense of well-being and happiness! A lot to ask.

In light of this, I also received another letter from a sweet mom. She asked if I ever blew it and yelled at my children! Yes, I have sinned often in the presence of my less than perfect children. I have had to accept myself as God does--it says in Psalm 103, "He is mindful that we are but dust!" Oh well, God says, Sally is just dust anyway, what can you expect from her?" As Joel my son once well said when I was in a tizzy over the messy house. "Mom, we will clean the house and it will just get messy again. But when you are sad, we feel guitly, like we have done something wrong. But when you are happy, we feel happy and like we are the greatest family in the world. So, Mom, lighten up and we will all be ok!"

We moms are giving out at a much faster rate than we are taking in and so depletion and exhaustion and consequences thereof are normal. So blowing a top once in a while is very  normal. I love the verse in Proverbs that says, "Where there are no oxen, the stalls are clean." I have at least six oxen in my stalls all the time, so my stall is always in different degrees of clean-ness!

I just want to affirm all of you who are hard on yourselves. You are making a difference in this world-your work is eternal and extremely important. Don't give up what you are doing--ever, ever, ever. But, take a break. What will it take to fill your cup emotionally? Going out with a friend to an adult lunch where no one tastes of your food? Or being by yourself alone? Or sleeping? Take time this summer to put beauty and life and joy and fun and pleasure in your life.

Another mom sent me a letter asking if my children were ever overworked in ministry or if we just had fun all the time. Probably, because my life has been so hard (children with illnesses and difficult issues; moving 17 times--6 times internationally; having little support or encouragement from family and almost never having anyone take my children as many grandparents do; and oh so many other difficulties), it is the very reason I seek to create life and beauty and fun--because I don't want to die in the process, and I don't want to live a life of constant depression and weariness, knowing it is not good for me! I want to keep going and live and keep being gracious, because life and light and beauty give strength--to me and to my children!

One summer, we had 62 nights of overnight guests. That meant weeks on end of kids giving up their beds, washing stacks and stacks of dishes, and loads of sheets and towels, babysitting other children--so that one day when one of my children looked out of the window and saw a strange car drive up, he said, "Quick, everyone hide and maybe no one will see us and want to come in!" I realized at this point, my kids needed a rest, fun, replenishing and a break from so much work.

So, knowing it is God's will for me to last, I have had to conduct my own symphony of beauty and joy, so to speak. I have had to take responsibility of planning grace, rest (I never do housework or ministry or tasks on Sunday--it is a sabbath rest for this girl!). I make my family and husband a priority above writing and ministry--which is why I am so slow at getting projects and books out.

I can think of one morning that was a perfect example of potentially getting tired over so many little things. I got up at 6 to have a quiet time and planning to go on a 30 minute walk and then write this short blog! Nate called up to me and said, "Hey, you wanta have eggs with me--then we can talk--you make them I will eat them--before he went to his landscaping job. By then, I had to awaken Joy and make her breakfast as she is helping with the 3-5 year olds at VBS. Then Joel came in and said, "I will do shopping for you if you make a list." Afterwhich as I got Joel and Joy out the door. (Joel is leaving for a summer project in 3 days and needed input on shopping.) Clay came in and said, "We really need to make a decision about some ministry stuff." Forty minutes later, he left for work, so I took a hot walk instead of a cool one because it was so late.  The moment I stepped in the door from taking the dog out, Sarah came in and said, "Can I just have a few moments of your time. It is about my future and a job that came up and what I should do." So now, it is almost 11 and my day has been taken up by everyone else, having gotten none of my own plans accomplished, but did what I am supposed to do. It as been that way since they were toddlers!

So, after years and years of 24/7, I have learned that I have to force things into my schedule that give me rest, provide a break, fill my cup. I am not talking about the cultural expectation that we deserve to have our own time--as my life has never regularly allowed this. But I am talking about being a good steward of yourself. Women must take time to read the word and pray--it is a foundation for fitting in to a schedule. I found that for my health and adrenalin, I had to build walking into my life almost everyday--Health and eating the right foods makes me last longer. It is also Biblical to have friends who can encourage us in the Lord--Lone Ranger mommies are more prone to give up, give in to depression and quit their ideals. Ecclesiastes tells us to find a companion to lift us up. As an introvert , I have to have some alone time in order to keep centered--it is why I developed the habit of getting up early to have a quiet time an to drink a cup of tea all alone. It doesn't always work, but I worked to let the kids stay up later so that they would sleep a little longer.

Remember, "A Joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Take good medicine, and even in the midst of draining circumstances or difficult times, plan on lighting a candle in the darkness, playing music through the pain, eat avocado toast, dancing in the midst of the mess, and smiling often as it is truly good for the heart! And above all, give yourself sweet grace!

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

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I Want to Hear His Voice, Not All the Noise!

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Who are you when no one else is around? When you find yourself alone with your thoughts, dreams, fears, prayers? I have a secret place that I go to be quiet, to think, to sit until I feel peace. I think it is my bench. Hidden from the crowds. I sift through all of my thoughts and feelings and then, slowly, thoughts bubble up from my heart, from His Spirit, I believe, and I find I am freer to be at one with Him. We all need to find a place where we can center, restore, be truly ourselves—with all that is good and all that is bubbling up.

There are so many voices which rage and roar and call out for our attention. How are we to know what and who to listen to? I thought I’d share something I wrote about this topic, which is part of my book, Desperate, today, and do hope it will encourage you!

Last night, around 6, I was sitting in a chair by my window up in my second story bedroom. Our home sits up on a hill that is about 7500 feet high, and we look out over tall Colorado pines with the mountains not too far in the distance. As I sat amidst the peace of my darkening room, I looked out on the horizon and across the sky, once again, the Lord had painted the most vibrant sky--luminous, "screaming pink"--(the color of shirts my mother used to love to buy for me!)--seemed to be dancing across the sky for those who would see it! Then fading into hues of orange and finally darkness. I was reminded again how present God is in all of our moments yet wondering how many people in my little town took the time to notice Him and His art. How many times He is there to speak, to comfort, to love, but we are too busy to notice or listen.

I was pondering some of the dilemmas of modern, Christian life---way too many choices and way too many voices. Choices scream at us and block out the simplicity of Christ and His love and His voice.

We live in a time of so many voices that represent so many choices--republican, democrat, independent; theologies--charismatic, reformed, catholic, baptist, emergent church, Bible church; public, private and homeschool; whole book, curriculum, or classical; movies or tv acceptable to watch, those that violate our conscience; dating or courtship; what music is acceptable; universalism or  limited atonement; whole foods or McDonalds,  soccer or piano lessons; t.v. or no media at all; infiltrate culture or draw back and seclude, spanking or grace-based parenting; and on and on and on. And then there is the political side of things…..!!!!

The busy-ness and stress associated with getting it all right and reading all the blogs and books and reviews and making all the choices--looking for the right formula, seeking the most profound expert, frenetic that we might make the wrong choice--yet confused in the midst. There is such a pressure to be involved in all that is relevant and the pressures of our modern Christian culture cultivates insecurity and fear and isolation.

Lots of head focus, not so much heart.

So much wrangling over words and so much judgment and pride and finger pointing--what is the right way to believe? So many who are involved in these issues have a heart that desires to find what is best and to do what is right. Who is the right authority?

Such choice overload obscures the simplicity and presence of God.

Satan can use the frantic searching and frenzy to obscure what is essential--loving God and knowing Him. So many I talk to long to be close to Him, but find Him illusive. No wonder there exists so much shallowness in our culture--we are seeking so hard after the answers and to please others

and He wants us to seek Him.

Now don't get me wrong, I am orthodox in my beliefs and trust in Jesus for my salvation and am so very grateful for this. I have a strong foundation of ideals for my home and children.

But the older I get and the more countries I have seen and the more people I have worked with, the more I see that it is the heart--where love and faith and beauty and humility exist where the life of Christ flourishes.

It is in Him and His presence that I find peace that transcends "getting it all right."  I have learned that God is much bigger than I originally thought and that He understands and has compassion for many outside the comfort zone of my own ideals and beliefs and values and that I would be wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak and even slower to judge. His purposes and ways transcend time, history and cultures and I would be wise to focus on Him above all else.

I find rest when I ponder the One who took small children into His arms to bless them; who gently and lovingly washed the disciple's feet, who threw the vibrant colors into the sky for me to enjoy last night. Jesus, came in simplicity--not a man of titles or authority--but the authority that comes from within.

I ponder His messages--admonishing us to give cups of cold water; taking care of our enemies as did the good Samaritan; parenting in such a way as to have the heart of the father looking every day for his prodigal son to return; encouraging us to be like the gentle, humble Mary who chose the "good part"--to sit at his feet and rest in his love and be filled with the life of His words--not being like Martha who was "worried about so many things."

It seems His priorities were for us to be anchored in character and deeds of goodness and kindness--the simplicity of being a good neighbor, giving grace and forgiving as we have been forgiven--making bridges of peace--not walls of separation.

Often, with the media and so many "experts"--(everyone is an expert if given the opportunity to blog!),

I see people laden down with the voices that seek attention in their heads--seems that with all the conflicting messages and so much media in our face, pleasing and finding God can be complicated, confusing and overwhelming and impersonal--more about knowledge than personal in an intimate relationship.

Wouldn't Satan just love for us to be confused and insecure--since God so clearly wants us to be secure, at peace and stable in the knowledge of His love, His calling and His grace.

Jesus had great scorn and condemnation for the Pharisees who "tie up heavy loads and lay them on men's shoulders," --those who were so dedicated to defining every jot and tittle of the law. Just this morning, I was reading in Matthew 23:23 where Jesus says to them, "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others. You blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel."

Then I read in John 14 and 15, some of the last chapters recorded of Jesus's personal messages to his disciples. His desire and heart to comfort and encourage his precious disciples is so evident throughout these chapters.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled or let it be fearful."

He comes not to give as the world gives to us--but peace--restful, filling, assuring peace--that keeps us from being troubled or fearful.

The God who told us the most important commandments were to love Him and love others, is the gentle shepherd who will not judge us today if we get all the answers and choices right, but if we abide in Him, love Him, rest in Him and walk in the abundance and security of His love for us and His redeeming love for those needy in our lives who need not just answers and words, but love, forgiveness, healing and peace.

Lord, let me today and every day, abide in you, see you, listen to your voice, follow your wisdom,  rest against you--"not being concerned with things too difficult for me, but composed, like a weaned child rests against his mother, so will my soul be within me." (Psalm 131)

Wishing you to find Him, the source of peace, truth, love, wisdom and a heart that longs to whisper His reality into the quiet of our thoughts and emotions. May you find HIs peace today.

A Wonder-filled Mentor: Casting a Vision in Your Child's Heart

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There comes a time when our children will walk out the door into the wide world to try out their own spiritual, emotional, and moral muscle. What they live out will not come from a textbook of facts or rules memorized but from the inspiration and vision that comes from their hearts and souls. The seeds we plant, water and nurture will grow over years and flourish through a vibrant life if we have taken care and intentionality with our planting.

A drive for purpose and a desire to impact others for the kingdom of God does not come out of a vacuum. First, a vision must be in your heart, growing, deepening. As you grow in your understanding of the potential God placed within each child for living purposefully, intentionally, and with a vibrant story to live out. It comes from seeing deep inside of your children's hearts and drawing out the greatness that God has built there and giving them a dream for how God will use them in the world. Children, in spite of their bundle of immaturity, strengths, weaknesses, and varying personalities are exactly what God crafted them to be to fulfill their purpose in His world.

From the time our children were wee ones, we gave each of them time to speak as a part at our conferences. We said, "God has made all of us stewards of His messages of love, redemption, and His hope and life because He has entrusted us with this light that the dark world needs. What would you like to share with all the moms to encourage them this year?"

Our two introverted children had to share just as our two extroverted ones would. Because we believe all of us are to be stewards of the gospel, we raised them to be comfortable with knowing they had a message that would turn the world upside down, too! We started with sharing our ideas and encouragement right in our living room with ten people in attendance. By faith, we kept writing and speaking and our children grew with ministry as we did. Their self-image was, "I have something to give. My personality is a gift from God to use for His glory. I have an arena in which to bring His light that no one else on earth will ever have."

Serving meals, visiting the sick, giving money to those in need, exercising hospitality, and making thousands of meals for people in our home, praying, hosting Bible studies over and over and over again for many years was the oxygen of the life my children breathed. Their dreams flowed out of being part of the life of giving and obedience that God had called Clay and me to follow.

We need to understand that vision of the heart is what empowers all of us, as God's children, to follow Him in faith and purpose in becoming fishermen in the world. It flows from inspiration, not from moralistic rules or laws to be kept. It comes from within the heart and soul of the mentor who passes on the life within her. In what ways would you like to grow personally so that you may pass on the life you have intentionally cultivated?

FOR MORE

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A mentor’s vision is key to awaking wonder! Read more in my new book, available here!

Humbly Resting in the Transcendence of God & Podcast

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“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My Ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts Your thoughts.” Is. 55: 9

I wonder if the disciples had any idea what they were in for.

While Nathanael gathered figs, Matthew sat at his table counting taxes, or Andrew wound nets tight on a rocking boat, did any of them dream of something more? Did they ponder the Scriptures promising the Messiah would come? Or were their minutes already as full as my own? Did His coming and calling take them by surprise?

I think the latter is probably more likely. He surprised them. They probably weren't watching. And they certainly didn't expect Him to show up and call them personally.

What about you, dear one? Do you remember that He has come, that He is coming, that He continues to call men and women to Himself? Do you live your life with an eye open to the eternal things God might want to do in your own life?

"Jesus' work in a person's life has always begun with a call to leave behind the goals, purposes, and distractions of this world and to say yes to a whole new life, a new way of thinking. "Follow me" is what He told the disciples as He recruited them. And they did, abandoning their fishing nets, their tax-collector's moneybags, their permanent homes, their everyday duties and pleasures. And they never went back. Sure, they still did a little fishing from time to time! But once they made the choice to follow Jesus, their lives were forever changed. They never returned to 'normal.'

I think this is vital for us to keep in mind as Christians and as parents. We know we are called to follow Christ, to take His message to the world, to raise our children to heed Jesus' call. But sometimes I think we fail to consider that following the Lord might mean leaving behind the ordinary and the familiar. It means exchanging a temporal view of life for an eternal goal. And this may mean leaving behind things we really care about--involvements and pursuits that seem important and worthwhile but may not be God's best for us.

Part of giving the gift of inspiration is helping our children understand this--and perhaps reminding ourselves. To fulfill God's design for their lives, our precious children must at some point determine to give Jesus allegiance in every aspect of their lives. There is a cost to discipleship, and that cost is everything!" ~ The Ministry of Motherhood

 Listen today. Slow down and open His Word and listen for His call. And when you hear it, say yes!

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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Pay Attention to Personalities in Your Relationships!

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Who Are You?

I am an adventurer, a risk-taker (that’s part of why I am in Oxford—it seemed like a good idea!) I am addicted to experiences. I love people deeply. Am introverted and reserved in some ways, but can access my extroverted part to speak, to reach out, to encourage. Cause driven. Idealisitc. There is more of course. But, who are you? What do you prefer in life? Not only do we come out of the womb with different DNA, individual fingerprints, but God also gave us personality.

We function best when we cooperate with our God-given drives, motivations, actions. Children and adults should not be punished or criticized for being different or for having a different context for living in life. Children may have personalities that are difficult for us, but we should not discipline them for being themselves. We can help them channel their drives in mature ways as they grow. But their unique responses to life come from birth.

Focusing on Relationship

 I wrote Ministry of Motherhood after studying the life of Christ in relationship to His disciples, just as I was right in the midst of my children's growing up years. As I pondered Jesus’ way with his disciples I noted He loved them, spoke to them, spent morning, noon, and night in fellowship with them. He served them by feeding them, by healing their relatives; He modeled to them what true Christianity would be by touching children and giving them His time and blessing them; touching lepers; giving women both moral and immoral His time and affirmation--He showed us how to live through His relationships with the people in his life. In reading scripture it's very obvious that He had a love for them, a compassion for them--not a list of rules on how to be sure you are acting righteously. These the Pharisees provided, not Jesus.

I am so grateful for all I have learned about motherhood from my study of Jesus. and so I sought to emulate Christ to our children.

He called Peter the rock--You are the man, Peter! (Even if you deny me—I am calling you into my grace.)

Thomas, a man in whom there was no guile--the just one, perhaps a lawyer personality. (even when you doubted my resurrection)

John, the one Jesus loved. Definitely a feeler on Myers-Briggs!

Each followed Him, but each had a different personal grid through which they learned to hear His voice and messages.

Even as Jesus treated His disciples differently, understanding the unique personalities God gave to my children was a necessary foundation for reaching their hearts with the reality of this One I loved. Their God-given personalities provided the grid through which they would understand truth. To ignore the way they were uniquely made would be to seek to bring light through a lamp that was not plugged in.

Children, beautiful yet unique as snowflakes are always individual--no two alike!

What are some of the personalities and the issues that must be considered? Extroverts need to talk more, have more activities and people in their lives; introverts need more time alone to ponder, create, go into their inner vortex. Some have a larger capacity to work hard, others are more immature and need the grace of time allowed for growth. Some are relational and inspiring and have to talk a lot. Others are ponders and may feel pushed to have to be social.

God has given boys testosterone so that they may defend us--it automatically means they will have a tendency to be louder, more active … well, more boy! A boy should not be disciplined for being "boy".

Some children just really want affirmation and hugs and listening in order to "feel" loved. Others want you to do something with them--to play, to run, to go. Others want sympathy--and to have you understand. Still others, quality time. It differs with each child, just as each of Jesus's disciples were different and related to him differently, according to their values each uniquely held, because of background and personality.

We are to accept and cooperate with our children's God-given personalities because God has a work for them to do in this world according to His design for their lives. As their gifts, so will their calling be. It also means that if we want to be God's instrument to open their hearts, we have to study who they are and reach them according to the personal design of their heart.

And what I have found is that in ministering to my children and learning how to be a great "psychologist," I have also become more astute in ministering to the needs of others, because I have become better at observing needs and personalities.

Children and adults are not cookie-cutter copies of each other who can all be handled the same way--as a matter of fact, if we are handled as robots, we will rebel at impersonal ways of being treated. Human beings are complex and cannot be generalized into formulaic solutions, but long to be loved and valued as they have been made to be. 

Sarah and I were talking once and she said, "Each of us is so different and so complicated in the ways we are motivated in our lives, and yet, somehow, you made us feel that who we were was exactly the person God made us to be to live out our calling and story in this world. Personal affirmation is so very important to one's ability to believe that God will use them to change the world."

Because I felt that I was “too much” for my parents at times, I wanted my children to feel that who they were, within the integrity of their authentic personality was acceptable and delightful to me their mama. Of course to carry this out required patience, required me to grow in understanding their motivations in life. But God gave us personality to accomplish His work uniquely within the designs of our lives.

Each child (and most adults, for that matter!) long for a mentor who "gets" them--knows and understands them and can reach their heart's passions and dreams. This is part of why the reality of our relationship with God as a real Person who can be known and interacted with, Who has feelings and plans and is so much more than words on a page, is so wonderful.

It does require faith to live in intimacy with the living God. He is wild and wise and loving, and deeply desirous of our personal, passionate love--not our robotic keeping of rules. And so, we must live in the tension of loving the unique design that our Artist creator crafted into the DNA of our children and learning how to build a bridge of our love to their heart, so that we can open up their ability to listen to the messages we live and speak. We are invited into a relationship with the living God, which is a pattern for how we live with our children.

And in reaching out to them as friends and real people with dreams, values, desires, insecurities and passions, we truly open them up to the very God who crafted them that way for His glory.

Sick of Being Responsible? Feeling a Little Wonky?

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Are you a little bit sick of being responsible? Do you feel a little bit off sometimes, a little WONKY?

Recently, as I awakened, I just felt a dread of getting out of bed. I had a pile of responsibilities ahead of me that felt like a lot. And then, there was the sameness about the day that drained me—one more day, a lot more work, a lot more “aloneness” and then days to follow that.

I felt WONKY.

When I walked downstairs, even my tulips reflected my mood. They were Wonky—all over the place.

Sometimes when life has drained for days on end, we all need a time to admit we need a break, something different, a reprieve from life. This calls for a SOBR Club Meeting.

Sick

Of

Being

Responsible

Clay and I decided that occasionally we needed sobr club meetings—time to take a break from the overwhelming burdens of life. I know many of you feel that way. Lately, I have especially been thinking of you precious ones who have a heaviness and lots of demands for those daily burdens of every day life.

A few years ago, Joy had Sarah and me in stitches one afternoon when we picked her up after a morning spent working at our local MOPS group. She had been assigned to the two-year-olds, a more challenging than older children. She bubbled over with stories about all sorts of body fluids--specifically one little boy whose mom said he was being potty trained and who had been sent with no diapers--only underwear--and eventually cried, sobbed, screamed twice when he had accidents, and soused his clothes again and again, with Joy to clean it up. Joy was wondering if this was what most moms called "potty training." There were other stories about nose junk, bottom junk. sucking junk; kids sneezing on her, hitting each other, did I say hitting her, screaming--and by the time we picked her up, she was exhausted!

"Did you go through all of this with us?" she asked, incredulous. "How did you make it???"

Told her I'm not really sure how I made it, but somehow muddled through. Also advised her just to be sure not to have ten two-year olds at once!

Life as a woman, mom, and wife can sometimes be gross, stressful, overwhelming, exhausting, boring and demanding on many levels. Sometimes moms feel guilty admitting the variety of feelings they have. Feelings are neutral--they neither define who we are or take away from our righteousness. They are just a reaction to the situation we are in.

I remember so many years when I just obeyed what I was supposed to do without feeling like doing it. Because I loved my children, I made decisions to cultivate what was best for them. Because I was committed to loving Clay (and God) I acted, as a choice of my will, in the best interest of Clay, by faith, not by feelings. As I look back, I am so glad that I learned to put one foot in front of the other, because usually my feelings would follow. I am grateful the Lord kept me going in the right direction by the convictions I held and followed. If I had followed all of my feelings, the results would have been disastrous.

But there are just times in life or parenting or mothering or marriage that seem overwhelming and too depleting to handle. And so, some years ago, Clay and I decided that when we got to this point, we needed to call a SOBeR Club meeting—when we both felt beyond our capacity, burning out. Sick Of Being Responsible times gave us scope.

There are times that we all just have to take a break! On our sober club nights, when our children were younger, we always did something that we wanted to do that is just for us--sometimes we even ask friends to join us--go to dinner, a movie, a walk in the mountains, take a drive to see the city lights--music blaring, windows down--just cruising and trying to relax. We did something different from daily life—went away from the stress, from the daily demands—or to a place the kids would be happy without much help. . We do not talk about any of the problems or money or stress or ministry. We just relax, have fun, get away and lighten up.

With friends or my girls, SOBeR Club nights can include going to some fun cafe, buying something little or fun that I enjoy. Girls’ night, painting nails, cleansing our beautiful faces with cosmetic masks. Once, Joy prepared a small package with a Warm Vanilla Sugar candle, lotion and perfume for me this week on the day of our meeting! Sarah bought me a piece of dark chocolate with almonds and suggested going somewhere for a massage, by stealing a few dollars from our little drawer where we put away dollar bills each month to have on "rainy"  days.

The principle is similar to that of the Sabbath. Get away from the responsibilities. Go to a park when your kids are driving you nuts. Stop having school and go do something fun. Take a nap. Watch a movie instead of doing one more chore, buy some flowers when it is snowing for ten days straight--just shake things up a little. Life is still there tomorrow after the SOBeR club meeting, and after we've all blown off a little steam, we can then can face the responsibilities with a little bit fresher outlook.

Tomorrow I will get back to responsibility--but tonight I am just going to go to sleep and snuggle up in my covers and put all of my worries in the file drawer of heaven to worry about another day.

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We Were Made For Love & Why You are Irresistible

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People often ask me why I live in Oxford! This picture tells the story well! I get to live near Lillian, my first grandchild, darlingest child that has ever been born. I saved these snowflakes so that we could put them on my kitchen window together. I love thinking of things that she (and Samuel) will enjoy. I am sure that there must be other precious ones in the world, but because she is mine, I think she is very special and precious.

You see, when she comes to my house and I open the door, she runs into my arms squealing, “Queenie!” (my grandmother name—from Larkrise to Candleford—long story). She tells me every thought, she sits in my lap, she delights in my company. You see, she if my very own and I would do just about anything for her. I even hope that when she is a teenager, she will tell me, her secrets. If she needs comfort, I hope I will be worthy of her need. When she wants advice, I hope she will ask me. You see, she is mine and that makes her all the more precious to me.

I was not prepared to be a parent when I had Sarah and then my other three. But as God would have it, I fell in love with them more and more every day. I discovered that stewarding truth, beauty, love, introducing them to worlds of thought, faith, fun, celebration and character became the best work of my life. I didn’t even know just how deep and fulfilling being a mother could be. I fell in deep love with my precious ones because they were mine. They became the best and most satisfying friends I could ever have. I would do almost anything to help them, encourage them, guide them, protect them, support their dreams.

The longer I am a parent and now grandparent, the more I understand that God feels this way about us. We are irresistible to Him. We are His own, he made us to be like Him. He has taken responsibility for us as I did for my children. He brings wisdom, love, satisfying experiences, joy, celebration and through His training grounds, we access abilities, skills, strength, purpose and deep fulfillment beyond what we could ever imagine. He champions us and celebrates us. He gave everything, even His own life, to redeem, heal, bring us back to the infinite fullness of life as He created it.

Sometimes we do not know this reality in our own lives with God. We pass on to others what we really deep inside think is true. But only in knowing Him in His full capacity of Unconditional love and joy can we pass on what we know to be true. The way we live speaks to what we believe is true.

Join me today in my podcast where I discuss what it looks like to dwell in relationship to the One who loves us, coaches us and wants to celebrate beauty and goodness with us all the days of our lives.

FOR MORE

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Seeking and Finding Him Requires Our Diligence

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“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God.”

~I Chronicles 22:19

“I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.”

~Proverbs 8: 17

The Parks in Oxford provide me with endless food for imagining the wonder of God as the ultimate artist. I sit on my bench and watch the colors of the plants, flowers and fields change over the season. But mostly I sit, quietly and open my heart to Him with thanksgiving and prayer. I breathe out burdens and breath in the beauty and peace.

One afternoon many years ago, some women stopped by unexpectedly to have a short visit as friends. It was one of those times they stayed and stayed and stayed. Finally, when I closed the door, I walked upstairs to my bedroom and found an unexpected surprise.

When I got to my room, though, Joy was there, wrapped in comfy come-home-and-fall-apart clothes, diary in hand. She scooted next to me on my loveseat, with me knee to knee.

"Mama, I am pretty tired, but I didn't want to go to bed without spending a few moments with you and sharing my heart. I was willing to wait just to be with you, Mama!”"

And so we sat there, together, in the sweet air of love and mama-daughter fellowship and shared souls.

I was so touched that she waited up for me, to meet with me, to be with me, to care enough to spend time with me. It was a memory I will store away for always.

Joy gave me a real life picture of how much He, too, longs for me to wait up for Him, to want to share my heart with Him, to seek His company amidst my busy day. He who is so very busy--and yet always makes the time for me, His little girl. It's a matter of making time for what really matters and putting aside all of the other stuff, to invest in the eternal.

“Seek first the kingdom of God.”

~ Matthew 6:33

“… if you cry out for insight,
And raise your voice for understanding;
If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
And discover the knowledge of God.”

~Proverbs 2:3-5

If I knew that somewhere on my premises there was a chest of silver and gold, enough to last my family for a lifetime, I think I would think about it, putting great effort into figuring out where it might be, look for it, go to much effort to dig for it. I would go to great lengths to try to find such a treasure.

The definition of searching is trying to find something by looking and seeking carefully and thoroughly.

Is this the energy with which I seek God? This is what scripture tells me to do. He wants me to have eternal wisdom, insightful wisdom, wisdom that gives light to my path and directions to follow.

God wants to bless those of us who would truly make Him our priority. He has promised blessing and favor and help and rest and guidance and compassion and mercy in our lives. God Himself and His wisdom is touted many places in scripture as being more important than silver or gold.

And yet, I have to really put away the distractions, the voices, the tasks at hand to be sure that He is my focus, my treasure, my confidence and hope.

I rarely meet people who have that palpable life--that almost tangible evidence of God's Holy Spirit living through them. But when I do meet them, every single one of them is a woman of the word of God. They have mounted up over the obstacles of their lives to seek Him, practicing every day to know Him, to love and worship Him.

I want to be that kind of person--that others can sense Him in me, but I know with all of my heart, it just doesn't happen unless I have been spending time in His presence, making Him my focus, living daily in His word and seeking Him.

And so, if I want not to seek to manipulate circumstances or to figure out a formula or system to provide for our family's needs or answers, I need to be sure I am not depending on idols or myself to provide, but see that I am waiting for Him, following Him, being still enough to listen to Him.

I so want to be faithful until I close my eyes on this place of home and awaken to His face--to have loved Him well and to have shown Him my love through my trust and faithfulness while here this short while.

The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." Matthew 13:44

Celebrate: Dance to the Music

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Life seems to be such a balance between a whole lot of work and perseverance and a whole lot of joy and celebrating to keep our souls alive. As I look back on my last months of being locked down, I have noticed that there are times I get a little bit dark and lonely. Yet, the overall gift of the time I was locked down was amazing talks with my adult children that I never see as much as I would like to. Memories and photos to store up in my heart for years ahead and one more opportunity to mentor, encourage and inspire my children as one who has walked with the Lord for 50 years. A sacred time carved out for us.

Yet it was in the rhythms of creating life and fun that I found their hearts most open. I love this verse as al of you know how much I love to use food and table as a place to inspire faith and pass on truth. And because my children are full-fledged adults with great thoughts and convictions, I learned so much and grew in my own personal life. This:

“So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this!”

Ecclesiastes 9:7

God was the one who celebrated most from whom I learned to engage in festivity and enjoyment amidst the other serious themes of life—He celebrated Jesus’ birth in such an amazing way—bringing light, songs, angels, gifts, excitement in the midst of so much mundane.

There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man. John 1:9

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”Luke 2:13-14

Celebrating is a part of God's nature. The crickets sing to God, the birds chirp to God, the sunrise and sunset sing of His glory, the stars declare His glory and beauty.

God provided mountains to climb and stars to camp under. Music to sing along with and to dance to. Gardens to design. Rooms to decorate. Paintings to hang on walls. Photographs to save beauty and memory. Books to write. Playgrounds to construct. Books to read. Food to prepare with endless possibilities of taste and color. Hot baths to languish in. Massages to melt under. Kisses of children to delight.

I have a serious side to me that wants to understand theology and how to practice my faith from a sincere and devoted heart. But I also have a side that loves to celebrate with friends and family out on my deck at sunset; I love to watch comedies or mysteries, hike a mountain with my golden running ahead of me; laugh at the antics of my precious grandchildren.

Do we sometimes feel guilty at taking a day off and having fun or sleeping in? God is the Father of rest and delight and pleasure as He crafted us with the ability to have great joy.

God was so excited to celebrate the incarnation of His son on earth, that He crafted and designed in his honor a chandelier in the heavenlies for this special occasion. Imagine a Father saying, "I love you so much, I will give you a star for your birthday, and then the wealthiest kings of this small globe called earth will bring riches untold for your birthday present. I have arranged the heavenly host to sing a cantata, filling the sky, just to celebrate this moment, and all the earth will hear of your birthday party throughout all the generations."

Those he chose as the audience were the very ones who took care of sheep, the very symbol of His son--those who probably had hearts most ready to engage in  worship,  because nightly they delighted in the  display of splendor strewn across their ceiling, with twinklings, flurries of comets, galaxies waxing eloquent to the rhythm of their creator's bidding. These who had eyes to see and hearts to worship became the attendees of His celebratory party.

And so, I desire to have such eyes--to see His glory but to share in His pleasure in the natural course of my own life. To hear the melodies that daily display songs of praise in the creation He has made, to see His very fingerprints in the eyes and souls of the precious ones in my home.

And so, in His honor, I bring light into our own personal darkness where we also live in the fallen place, a palette of color into the humble outpost of our daily lives and worship, and we host non-stop melodies proclaiming this momentous occasion--the beginning of light into darkness, redemption of all sin and hurt and failure, the conquering of death through life, and the inception of light snuffing out all darkness.

A mother, the civilizer of life, the artist by His side as Wisdom, "a master workman, daily His delight." (Proverbs 8: 30)

There is a life and hope and energy in this celebrating. It brings all earthly struggles into perspective, a baby bringing life that would conquer all ills, calm all storms, wrest all evil powers, heal all wounds.

"And His name shall be called Wonderful,  Counselor, the mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."

And so my little room becomes a place of worship each morning--just me and Him, as I ponder His goodness and delight in crafting such a world for our mutual pleasure. And now my heart is filled for my day and all that it will bring, and it will spill over in all the moments of my day, the daily rhythms for having been in His presence and celebrated one more time.

FOR MORE

  • Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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  • Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

  • Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!