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“Above all, be fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sin.”
About Marriage:
One of the subjects people have asked me to speak about most often is marriage. Perhaps I have avoided it because it is such a vast subject and there is so much to say and I would need a lifetime of free time to write all the thoughts I have.
Yet, I have written down just a few admonitions I have been thinking about the past few days because it became a discussion with a beloved friend of mine here in the UK as we were pondering what were the most basic ideals of marriage.
Most marriages start out with at least some idealism and romantic expectation. Mine was no different. Clay won me with bouquets of yellow roses (I was his yellow rose of Texas), romantic cards and lots of dinners out. He put a lot of effort into the winning of me. And of course, I think we put a lot of imagination into how amazing our married life will be and how almost perfect our spouses will be.........
And then there was life---17 moves, 6 internationally; 4 children and 3 miscarriages, (I had morning sickness all 9 months of pregnancy), almostdied from blood loss from one miscarriage and had to be in bed for 2 months. We have had deaths of family members, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire in our home and even 3 floods in our house, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems, and lots and lots of stress.
Nothing quite prepared me, as a very immature, untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face just by being a family.
It was several years before I realized, "This is it? It is not going to change--these are the defining issues of our marriage, our children, our family and they are not going to change?"
And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom.
Here are 5 short admonitions I have jotted down that I think can help a marriage that is going through a hard season. So much more to be said but just some simple thoughts that my friend and I discussed after having been in marriages and ministry for many decades!
1. Just like salvation, You should work out your marriage with fear and trembling.
Take it slow, take it seriously—it is one of the most profound legacies and stories you will ever live in reflecting faith, love and beauty in your lifetime.
2. No one is perfect but everyone wants and needs to be loved.
That means you, your spouse, your children, your friend. Be humble, love generously, forgive often, learn to practice grace as a way of life.
3. Maturity grows slowly over a lifetime not in the heat of an argument.
It takes a lifetime to really learn the depths of love—give yourself time to grow. Don’t react to every situation.
4. Don’t store up resentment for a rainy day. A violent storm destroys life.
Don’t stuff things and keep a score card—it will end up in devastation. Write in a journal, learn to communicate in a way that you can solve your differences peacefully and at the time of discord. And don’t over react.
5. Your children are watching you to learn how they should relate to others, especially when they are older. Patterns can last a lifetime. Enough said—and it is true.
6. Never make a life-changing decision in the midst of drama, depression or difficulty. Wait until life settles down and remember that marriage is a long-life legacy—not just a spur of the moment reflection of passionate moments. Always give something time, time to change, time to simmer down, time to forgive. Don’t make decisions prematurely.
Early, I learned that my marriage was a place of worship where I could either seek to bring God’s love, healing and grace every day because of my love for Him, or I could just live as a hypocrite and say that I was committed to God and would serve Him---except in marriage because that was just asking too much!
I think there is a point when godly women must understand and embrace, “This is the reality of the puzzle I had been given in my life and in my marriage and this is the story I must stay in and live to the fullest and with grace."
I can either live and bring light, life, beauty and redemption into the situation and to this husband—with all of his flaws and all of my warts and decide to show God’s reality in the midst, or I can live in disappointment and destroy hope, happiness and joy—because the reality is, that in a fallen world there will always be stress and sin-but I do not have to let this define my happiness or contentment.
All children long to see their moms and dads love each other and be partners in life.
The reality is that all marriages are filled with potential challenges and difficulty. Yet, how a woman responds to her marriage will determine if it is a place where the light and beauty of God’s love will be shown. I believe one of the glories of women is the opportunity to spread the gracious spirit of love and peace as a fragrance and evidence of life in her home. It is a beautiful grace of godly women to behold--the fragrance of unconditional love and the art of spreading light, even in the dark places.
It is all dependent on the way a woman sees her lot in life--as an opportunity to worship and bring light or a place of complaining and discontent. And a critical spirit wreaks havoc in the children when they live in such a spirit on a constant basis. The will of a woman to choose grace is possible only if she is looking to God.
Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is a perfect bond of unity. They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another. All of these verses apply to marriage as well as to all relationships of life.
