I Just Love a Great Story! Perhaps Ours Will Someday Be Told

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

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St. Andrews is one of my favorite places in the world. Surrounded by ruins of ancient buildings, located on the wild sea of Scotland, it is bubbling over with stories of courage, faith, heroism and it is wild and glorious to hear these tales. Walking along the beach and then warming over coffee, Joy told me of amazing stories of a legacy of women who gave their lives in early church history to raise and train those who became church leaders who transformed the world that we now inhabit. They were women who lived bravely and chose to be strong against all odds, who have gone before us to tell us that our lives on earth can shape destinies.

I just love a good story. All of my life, I have been able to lose myself in captivating stories. And when I would read a heart moving tale, I would dream of living a story worth telling.

Scripture is full of dramatic stories of bravery (David and Goliath), romance, (Ruth and Boaz), courage (Moses stepping into the Red Sea with a couple of million children, animals, adults chasing screaming behind him being chased by the strongest army ever known), and more.

Each of us is living a story. Each of us can make decisions that will place us into the Lord's hands to accomplish His own stories through us in our lifetime. Maybe your story doesn't feel exciting at this moment or strategic in light of history. But most of the people who were recorded as heroes of the faith, were normal people amidst normal life circumstances, who trusted God even when the others surrounding them were naysayers and could not see Him.

The story that will be told about you in the future depends on the story you are living today.

In other words, the truth is, the story you are choosing to live today--whether it requires excellence morally, courage to endure, faith to believe, or love to overcome, will become your integrity or lack of integrity tomorrow. You cannot have a story of faithfulness in your future or with your children or grandchildren--tales of faithfulness and courage and moral character and discipline and sacrifice that made a difference in your own family history--unless you are living that story with faith, moral excellence, self-discipline, sacrificial love today.

To live a story worth telling, you must reject the voices of the world that shout so loudly in your head, and you must choose to live in holiness to please an audience of one.

All of  us love to hear great stories.

Your children long to see you as their heroes—those who inspire, live with courage, bring truth to bear in your generation. Each of us has a part. You will love the tales we talk about today and perhaps someone will be telling your faithful tale to others who need courage to live as women of valiance and light. Enjoy and be inspired.

. They will love to tell your story to their own children someday. So choose today to live the story that you want to be told about you in the future.

Meanwhile, I am off to live my story.

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Following God's Parenting Philosophy: Learning From Jesus

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While sitting on a park bench with one of my adult children, as usual, we were philosophizing about life. But the words I heard, touched a deep conviction I have held my whole life.

“Mama, the thing that most opened my heart to God was watching the way and Daddy lived. You adventured by our side and pondered issues with us, saw beauty, chose to love, asked for forgiveness, learned and discussed theology while honoring our thoughts, celebrated sunrises, sunsets, served people, feasted—it was a whole life approach to a believing life.”

The way we live, the relationships we have, the values we hold, the character lived out in our lives, the way we honor all human beings, reflects what we really believe to be true about God. You cannot separate your life from your faith. Yet, it seems that many are supposed “Christians,” but what distinguishes those who claim this from those who know God and live out His reality, those who are disciples of Christ and His ways.

Much of what I was taught to believe as a young Christian has changed dramatically. I realize that much of what I was taught was prescriptive, (in a theological box) but not necessarily what I found to be true in the Bible.

Yet, when we ponder Christ, we learn so much about parenting and truth, and what it looks like to follow hard after His ays. God is the greatest Giver of love. He is a provider—look at nature; the garden of Eden with all its animals and colors and food crafted for our pleasure. He gave us ideals, as we see through scripture. He saw that we were lost and falling and ultimately, He came amongst us, giving up all the comforts and honors He held in heaven to serve, wash feet, feed, laugh with, and encourage His own precious disciples.

Our life with God is not measured in the rules or goals or laws that He gives. But, as the Author of these ideals, and bound up in His love and care for us, God uses truth to work on our hearts. He demonstrates Himself through Christ in a relationship with us as a servant, a husband for the bride of Christ, a friend of the common people with whom He broke bread.

He comes as the servant king, the one who lays down His life, the one who is humble and meek.  As a good parent, God gives us wisdom and guidance so that our lives will be healthy, strong, protected.

So God becomes our pattern for parenting. He served and loved and sacrificed and gave of Himself, so that we would long to be holy out of our gratitude and reverence and love for He who provided us with everything. He called His disciples to serve, to love, to give, and to be holy. He did instruct them and train them, but it is no wonder they wanted to follow them to their deaths. He gave them true life, beauty, and love that filled their deepest needs and longings to live a purposeful life. He never asked his disciples to do what He had not first done himself. His life modeled His instruction and admonitions. He served and gave and then asked them to do the same.

And so after three years of intense friendship, when he said, "Greater love has no one than this, that a man lays down his life for his friend," they had heard it, seen if modeled, felt the benefit of it, seen the integrity of it in their teacher, and so they willingly embraced this high ideal.

Consequently, it is not in getting the rules right or in defining all of the rules and theology that will make our children want to serve God. It is in laying down our life for them, serving them, listening to them, loving who God made them within the context of a call to holiness, that will secure in them a desire to love God with all of their hearts. By seeing our love, they will more easily understand and receive God's love, as it will already be familiar to their hearts and brains.

How might you show your children the love of Christ anew, this weekend?

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Family Culture Takes Time to Build

Home is the living environment that ties our heart strings to one another and to the place that we belong. To develop such a culture over a lifetime draws our children not only to the memories, but to the messages and values that we embrace together in this loving community. Family culture is comprised of the rhythms of life kept throughout the seasons. For us, it was a daily tea time; devotions in the morning; hot candlelit dinner together each night; piles of book baskets everywhere; loud, daily discussions on every topic; back scratches; homemade treats always awaiting them and their friends in our home; Saturday night pizza and movie every week; spoiling the children on birthdays with the morning cinnamon rolls; shepherd's meal on Christmas... in other words, it was a lot!

The world is calling out to our children in a million ways every day—with media, values, philosophy that is in contrast to a basic biblical value system. The reason we work so hard to build traditions and to create fun and heartfelt rhythms is because we want them to be tied not just to our home but to the messages home helps them remember. ⠀

I have seen that when my children need companionship or advice or just a close friend as adults, it is the practices that we shared over many years that have drawn them back to us, to me, to our love, and to our mutually held faith. And in the space I am still able to speak into their lives over and over again. Each child is different and no one will conform to the family culture without a foundation of love. Yet, if we are to hold hearts faithful, we must aim intentionally and work diligently and wisely to be used by the Holy Spirit to keep their hearts strong, protected, and sure. Cultivating life every day in large ways snd small ways creates the heartstrings that will draw them to your values. Not one day is wasted.

.⠀

Accepting Your Own Reality in Marriage

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“Above all, be fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sin.”

 About Marriage:

One of the subjects people have asked me to speak about most often is marriage. Perhaps I have avoided it because it is such a vast subject and there is so much to say and I would need a lifetime of free time to write all the thoughts I have.

Yet, I have written down just a few admonitions I have been thinking about the past few days because it became a discussion with a beloved friend of mine here in the UK as we were pondering what were the most basic ideals of marriage.

Most marriages start out with at least some idealism and romantic expectation. Mine was no different. Clay won me with bouquets of yellow roses (I was his yellow rose of Texas), romantic cards and lots of dinners out. He put a lot of effort into the winning of me. And of course, I think we put a lot of imagination into how amazing our married life will be and how almost perfect our spouses will be.........

 And then there was life---17 moves, 6 internationally; 4 children and 3 miscarriages, (I had morning sickness all 9 months of pregnancy), almostdied from blood loss from one miscarriage and had to be in bed for 2 months. We have had deaths of family members, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire in our home and even 3 floods in our house, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems, and lots and lots of stress.

 Nothing quite prepared me, as a very immature, untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face just by being a family.

 It was several years before I realized, "This is it? It is not going to change--these are the defining issues of our marriage, our children, our family and they are not going to change?"

And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom.

Here are 5 short admonitions I have jotted down that I think can help a marriage that is going through a hard season. So much more to be said but just some simple thoughts that my friend and I discussed after having been in marriages and ministry for many decades!

1. Just like salvation, You should work out your marriage with fear and trembling.

Take it slow, take it seriously—it is one of the most profound legacies and stories you will ever live in reflecting faith, love and beauty in your lifetime.

2. No one is perfect but everyone wants and needs to be loved.

That means you, your spouse, your children, your friend. Be humble, love generously, forgive often, learn to practice grace as a way of life.

3. Maturity grows slowly over a lifetime not in the heat of an argument.

It takes a lifetime to really learn the depths of love—give yourself time to grow. Don’t react to every situation.

4. Don’t store up resentment for a rainy day. A violent storm destroys life.

Don’t stuff things and keep a score card—it will end up in devastation. Write in a journal, learn to communicate in a way that you can solve your differences peacefully and at the time of discord. And don’t over react.

5. Your children are watching you to learn how they should relate to others, especially when they are older. Patterns can last a lifetime. Enough said—and it is true.

6. Never make a life-changing decision in the midst of drama, depression or difficulty. Wait until life settles down and remember that marriage is a long-life legacy—not just a spur of the moment reflection of passionate moments. Always give something time, time to change, time to simmer down, time to forgive. Don’t make decisions prematurely.

Early, I learned that my marriage was a place of worship where I could either seek to bring God’s love, healing and grace every day because of my love for Him, or I could just live as a hypocrite and say that I was committed to God and would serve Him---except in marriage because that was just asking too much!

 I think there is a point when godly women must understand and embrace, “This is the reality of the puzzle I had been given in my life and in my marriage and this is the story I must stay in and live to the fullest and with grace."

I can either live and bring light, life, beauty and redemption into the situation and to this husband—with all of his flaws and all of my warts and decide to show God’s reality in the midst, or I can live in disappointment and destroy hope, happiness and joy—because the reality is, that in a fallen world there will always be stress and sin-but I do not have to let this define my happiness or contentment.

All children long to see their moms and dads love each other and be partners in life.

The reality is that all marriages are filled with potential challenges and difficulty. Yet, how a woman responds to her marriage will determine if it is a place where the light and beauty of God’s love will be shown. I believe one of the glories of women is the opportunity to spread the gracious spirit of love and peace as a fragrance and evidence of life in her home. It is a beautiful grace of godly women to behold--the fragrance of unconditional love and the art of spreading light, even in the dark places.

It is all dependent on the way a woman sees her lot in life--as an opportunity to worship and bring light or a place of complaining and discontent. And a critical spirit wreaks havoc in the children when they live in such a spirit on a constant basis. The will of a woman to choose grace is possible only if she is looking to God.

 Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is a perfect bond of unity. They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another. All of these verses apply to marriage as well as to all relationships of life.

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Bringing Out the Song in Your Child's Heart - With Joel Clarkson (and Podcast)

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Walking on the wild beaches of St. Andrews, Scotland, relishing the distant city lights, talking as friends has delighted me this week as I have visited Joel, my beloved son. We have been close friends and adventured together for many years as familiar companions.

When you first hold a baby in your arms, you can not even imagine the talents, personality, strengths, faith, antics this child will have as an adult. Yet the miraculous and mysterious process of loving, training, cultivating skills, inspiring your children over many years results in a full-fledged adult that you could not have perceived in their earliest moments.

I remember driving to the beach in California with Clay searching out a parking place and I giving a speech about how we all needed to stay together and hold hands when we got to the parking area. At that moment, Joel, 18 months, started singing “Twinkle, twinkle little star,…” in perfect pitch all the way through. I wondered in that moment, “I wonder if he will be musical? Maybe I should cultivate that in him.”

Fast forward through many moves, many divergent seasons and I never did as much as I could to totally cultivate his obvious musical talent—time just kept passing, and busyness ensued. We did invest in music organically in our home and Joel shares that today on our podcast. But it is a miraculous process to see your children’s talents and drives progress beyond what you could imagine, beyond what you could have imagined. I think it is a miracle—we give God our limitations, our “fish and loaves,” so to speak and He makes it more than we ever could have on our own.

You will love the song he shared at the beginning of the podcast that he wrote and he and Joy performed. We talked on today’s podcast about this new album that he composted and recorded with Joy over the time of Covid when they were locked inside their flat. The music is stunning but also a picture of something wonderful that can come out of a very difficult time when a plan is made and creativity and a desire to encourage come together. I know you will be encouraged, as I was.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Lighten Up, Mama!

My children are naturally given to enjoying life and giggling and doing loud or outlandish things and of course making messes along the way. As a mom who is busy and has an agenda, I am usually in a purposeful, intentional "get my list done," sort of mode.  Two of them are great clowns and make us laugh all the time--if I am in the mood to laugh!

I remember once when I came into the living room where my children were all lounging and talking and munching on snacks and giggling together, after we had just returned home from a trip. It was really a lovely moment--and now in my mind, going back to that memory when we were all small enough to gather on one couch and laugh together, I would give a zillion just to have them here doing such a thing again. My boys always liked it when I admired their silly jokes or really looked at the books, songs, pictures, youtubes that made them laugh. It was a willingness to  entering in to their worlds and a validation of their moments.

But, the house was all awry and as I walked into the house, I was taking on General Mom and putting aside "easy going" mom and  my sense of humor or willingness to celebrate life.

I ignored their contented togetherness and took on my best authoritative voice. I meted out all that would need to be accomplished--bags unpacked, clothes washed, house straightened, mail sorted, rooms cleaned, groceries bought, and I was just starting.

My oldest son looked up at me and said, "Mom, don't worry, we will get it all done and then it will just get messy again and then we will get it all done again, but please just lighten up a little and enjoy a few minutes of down time. We love having you join in our revelry. We just got home and we are just having fun for a few minutes--just a few minutes."

"When you are happy, we are all happy and when you get upset, we all start feeling generally guilty. So lighten up, enjoy us, and we promise we will help you get it all done."

I took  his advice. Guilt never motivates or makes my children work more effectively.

Looking at them at each stage--really looking at their quirky smiles, their unique personalities, their bizarre jokes, making time to enjoy life and finding eyes to see the small fleeting moments of each stage of life deprives me of contentment, joy and the blessing of having and enjoying these who have indeed become my best friends.

Oh how I wish I had fretted less and laughed more. I am off to look for reasons to smile and laugh and join in, amidst all of the endless work.

Soul Weary, Heart Sick: How to Grow Strong, Healthy, Joyful Again

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"My dreams before marriage or motherhood were full of perfection and welcome. Ideals of smells of delicious meals bubbling on the stove, cups of tea brewing, table set, close relationships with me either at ease on a chair by the fire or cuddling my darling babies, rocking them and nurturing them peacefully.

I hadn't counted on the weariness of years of cleaning, cooking, washing, ordering; being pregnant and nursing, of giving birth and having miscarriages. I didn't have a realistic understanding of the many phases of responsibility as a friend, a wife, motherhood that would demand all my strength--or asthma, ear infections, tantrums, messes and fusses, thousands of mounds of dirty dishes and clothes, and countless days to fill with meaningful occupation, not to mention the training, correcting, and instruction of my children in righteousness.

I had no idea how often loneliness would literally overwhelm me as I strove to learn and be all that I needed to be for my friends, husband, family without the help of mentors or support systems in my life as we moved 16 times.

Yet many times, when I was tempted to quit taking so much time from my own life to give to my loved ones, when I felt like I simply couldn't go on, and felt like giving up, I would creep away into my quiet corner to spend even a few minutes with the Lord. I would go away for a morning by myself to walk, grab coffee or a time with a friend. Without fail, He would use those stolen moments to show me how important my role was in the spiritual life and heritage of my children.

In those times, I glimpsed the goal of righteousness I was working toward and realized that I must reach, I must persevere step-by-weary-step."

And now, to see the fire of righteousness bubbling over in those who were present: conversations, the choices, the commitment of my adult children, the women I mentored, the deeply meaningful partnership Clay and I share and the legacies we built over many years, and I know that the choice to keep going in the direction of His ideals has made all the difference.

Those who wait for the Lord, who patiently follow after Him, will indeed gain new strength, they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint. And their work and their reward will be sure.

Join Sarah and me on May 10 for a wonderful night of refreshment and encouragement!

https://www.facebook.com/events/185181906769517

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Walking the Path of Life with Your Teenagers & Podcast

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One very late night, when I was so ready to fall in bed, one of my boys came in late from being with his friends. “Mama, can I talk to you in your bedroom?”

This brought fear and trepidation to my heart. When a teen wants to talk to you privately after being out with friends, the heart starts beating faster.

“Mama, I know you have been putting up a lot with me and all of my raging with being a teenager and wanting to adventure in life in bigger places. So, tonight when I was at Walmart with my friends, I saw something I wanted to give you.”

He pulled out a box and in it was a sweet, small pair of pearl earrings. “Mama, you will always have my heart. I love you.”

You could have blown me over with a feather. This from one who had had a tumultuous few months.

Teen years are mysterious. Our children naturally strain towards adulthood and owning their own faith and ideas and freedom, while also still deeply longing for our unconditional love and belief in them. And add raging hormones to them and to the mama—and you’ve got a bit of a wild ride. Wilder for some than others.

I receive a lot of questions about parenting teenagers. Parenting can feel like climbing a mountain with high peaks and low valleys in between, especially with the onset of hormones, emotions, and changes—of them and of us! On the podcast today, my friends and I discuss lessons we’ve learned and how we have walked through and are currently walking through life with our teens. Hope it encourages.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

FOR MORE

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• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Love for a Lifetime!

Each of us has a deep longing to be loved, to have our lives validated, to know that we matter and have a purpose--a place to belong. It is a longing in our hearts because God put it there. Family is supposed to give roots, strength, security, stability, and direction.

God also gave mothers the ability to build a strong home culture,, so that these deep needs would be met.

Building an environment of love, grace, belonging, so that each child who is welcomed into her home, will provide a wellspring in their hearts that says, "I have a history. I am a Clarkson (or Smith, or Martinez, or Krasawski), and we love each other, we belong to each other, we will always have stability because we are a part of this family and circle of love, spiritual strength, and grace."

Shaping a Family culture like this takes time and intention and does not just happen by chance.

A child who is given a place to build roots, foundations of moral strength, affection, and unconditional love and forgiveness, a safe haven in which to grow, can carry stability in their souls their whole lives, and will find the strength to face the trials of life and the challenges.

However, a child can be given all the experiences or material things the world has to offer, but if his soul is starving or empty or filled with the anger of rejection or even simple passivity, which communicates worthlessness to him, he will have difficulty filling this cavernous hole the rest of his life and will look for love and validation in all the wrong places. 

A mother's love and legacy is one of the most powerful influences in the world and will indeed determine the strength and history of a culture. But to provide such a legacy in the lives of our children requires a choice. The choice is to serve, give, train, instruct, provide, and encourage. This choice will have eternal consequences, because the souls of the children raised in such a home will be strong, beautiful, spiritual, healthy and purposefully formed. Choices have consequences.

God’s Word, you see, gives us a map or plan for the family so that we might better understand what He had in mind for us. Few things will last after we die, but our children and their children will live throughout eternity. What we do as mothers, therefore, has eternal significance, so it’s especially important to understand God’s original intentions in this regard. Exploring His design for families and for motherhood can not only help us understand what has gone wrong, but also how, with God’s help, we can move closer to the joyful, fulfilling, and vitally important role He intended for us from the very beginning.

A Beautiful Life in the Midst of Messes with Jane Biel

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Today, I am looking for Him and taking time to notice in the midst of deadlines, duties and messes. I will never have a day just like this again to notice and celebrate with a grateful heart.

Today, amidst hours of work and writing, Joy and I took time to walk and chat for a couple of miles together. Wonderful way to celebrate our moments together before she goes. 

Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, But much revenue comes by the strength of the ox." Prov. 14:4

My sweet, wonderful kindred spirit Joy is still home from Scotland where she is studying, but only for about a week. I enjoy her company so much. There are more messes right now because we are all working a lot, eating a lot, drinking a lot, but when we have free time, we spend a lot of friend time just enjoying each other. I don't worry so much because I know through my whole life, that at 63, the messes come and go, but my precious ones will leave soon enough--and then I will have a hole in my heart. I share some past thoughts from my quiet time chair in my second story bedroom that looks out on the mountain terrain of my 7200-foot altitude home.

Do you agree with my premise? What are you taking time for amidst your messes?

I am sitting in my little quiet time chair here in my Oxford home, coffee in hand. From my wide window, I look out on blooming pink bushes, spidery trees, and a college dormitory filled with students from all corners of the world. In every home we live in, I choose windows that look out on the most beautiful natural scene, so that I can have some of His life-stuff to bring perspective, peace and quiet to my soul each morning as I meet with Him. This habit has changed the trajectory of my life because it gives me time to move into the day with purpose, perspective, choices of how I will live well with those demands and people around me who will all want my help and attention all the time.

In front of me is a pile of books scattered over a coffee table. There is also a couch pillow thrown onto the floor, a couple of pairs of shoes left where they were taken off, (always boots in this season of rain in Oxford, a wilting potted plant in desperate need of water, Lily’s soft but slightly stained blanket right where she dropped it the other day before she went back home. And a half-drunk cup of hot chocolate from the night before with Joy. And this is just the eight feet in front of my chair!

The rest of the house is much the same-- life messes in the midst of order and beauty. As the proverb says, “Where there are no oxen, the stalls are clean.” I comfort myself daily with the fact that I have six or seven oxen living in my home most of the time, and thus my stalls are not always clean, but my house is full. My world is always a mixture of beauty and mess, order and piles of things not yet subdued into order.

Sometimes the circumstances of life are like our home--messes and joys, fears and blessings all in the same breath.

But it is what we see and how we perceive what is happening that will determine our comfort or our despair.

I have purposed daily to choose to enjoy the beauty of the treasures He has placed in my path, because when I look for His fingerprints and whispers amidst the messes, my heart changes and begins often to sing with the rhythms and chords He has placed there.

Today, join me and my friend, Jane Biel as we have a conversation about beauty amidst messes and look at the beautiful table she set for Clay and me before I left Colorado.