A New Year Awakens Wonder and Inspiration

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Integrity:

Soundness of moral principle and character; entire uprightness or fidelity, especially in regard to truth and fair dealing; purity, correctness, blamelessness.

As we start a new year, we must plan how we will grow in thought, word and deed, so we must plan how we as women will grow stronger — that we might better, every year, the reality of Christ and His light in this dark world. We become mentors who awaken wonder in others because of the integrity of inspiration in our own lives.

What is a woman to believe? What is true and what is just propaganda or at least not true? Which side to take?

There are so many issues and decisions and historical events swirling around and creating havoc, just like these cold arctic storms. Many women have written me messages and asked me to weigh in on all of the issues at hand. Of course, I have my own opinions as I am a reader and I study, listen to other people I think are wise, and live by my biblical values. But, I choose not to make them my main message because I want, most of all, to help encourage friends to learn how to think truly, biblically, and to act with conviction, based on wisdom and knowledge.

The starting point of us influencing anyone, children, co-workers, husbands, friends, begins with our own integrity of life and thought. Does our life hold together with wisdom? Do we have health in our spiritual life because we choose to build wisdom from His word? Does our behavior and character match up with our message? Do we serve others in such a way that they find our messages believable and true?

Most of all, are we pondering the heart of Christ, His stories, His commands, and values—and then are we embodying Him authentically to those around us—in our behavior, our heart issues, our thoughts, our actions?

A mentor brings out the best in those they serve and draws them to fulfill their potential through relationship. and passing on a legacy of inspiration and understanding begins with us embodying in all the areas of our life what we want to pass on.

On today’s podcast, I talk about making your life whole in mind, body, character, and actions so that those who listen to you have a virtuous, good, right model to follow.

Jesus said, “The student when fully trained will be like his teacher.”

And so, those who follow us, and our children who look to us as teachers, call us to become our best selves out of the accountability they hold us to as we model truth in front of them.

Listen to the podcast today and tell me what you think.


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Tea Time Tuesday 2022: A New Year Begins

(This photo was taken while I was with my Joel. He said, “Mama, the light is streaking across your hair. Can I take a photo of you?” Sweet one made me feel seen! :))

There are rewards to life if you live long enough! Nothing touches my mama heart more than having one of my boys, now grown men, asking me to meet for a coffee and friend time. Saturday afternoon, Joel texted, “How bout I buy you a cup of coffee and we can meet at your favorite little cafe?” (I have about 10 favorite cafes—why stick to just one?)

Our habit is to sit in two small leather overstuffed chairs next to the window. We are pretty convinced that no one else knows you can sit there. Ahhh, it was free! And so we sipped, looked out the window at the shiny pavement, fresh with Oxford rain, and talked about all the things friends share together when they are fast friends. Of course, when you are with a favorite, you never have enough time. That is how I feel with Joel, who always encourages me. And my Nathan, predictably has a soft heart for me, so I feel spoiled. It only takes about a thousand years and lots of gray hair and a million experiences to live through.

Best friendships are made because you make the time. You initiate, you share, you trust, you encourage—you make memories. So, this is a good time to make sweet memories and moments with those you hope to be best friends with in another decade.

I have so much fun sharing a part of my heart and life events on Tea-time Tuesdays. Be sure to give me your feedback and let me know your own ideas and life events.

Today I share about some favorite parts of Oxford that I enjoy, foods this week, a favorite musical album to go along with a mellow season, (Music for the Lifegiving Home, by Joel Clarkson), And I end with a favorite reading of a story from Help, I’m Drowning—a reading I hope will encourage you.

I send my love and prayers your way, my friends. Thanks for joining me.

Covering a Multitude of Sin with Love

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Occasionally darkness seems to cloud my emotions and thoughts. The light eeks out of my soul suddenly, and I glance inside at the state of my heart. Sometimes, I find myself in a place where I want to run away—away from the challenges in relationships with my loved ones, away from the constant needs and demands of life (cooking, cleaning, work of every kind and then all over again.)

This is evidently a normal occurrence in some seasons of life for most women. I would love to flee the dramatic (All children, it seems, must go through stages—It starts out with toddlerhood, moves through developmental stages, escalates in late elementary years, Explodes with teens, Grows more serious with young adults. Then there is the period of self-realization or self-actualization that takes place with all maturing young adults.) And parents must learn how to navigate these mysterious places with grace and stay on top of their own lives.

It’s ok to feel like sometimes life is just plain hard.

But in those moments, we must learn to give ourselves grace for ourselves or we will explode from unrealistic expectations. We are putting so much pressure on ourselves as mothers. Each time we find ourselves too busy to cook (so we opt for fast food), too exhausted to clean, (so we “leave it until tomorrow”) or so hectic in our lives that we didn't do a devotional with our children one whole week, we feel absolutely defeated and believe that we somehow failed in life.

While it is incredibly wonderful to set our standards high and live within these great ideals, as I have said many times before,

We must hold ourselves to a standard of grace, not perfection.

Each of us is a miracle, a work of art, an expression of the artist God—and each of us is flawed. It is why Jesus came, to alleviate our shame and guilt.

Yet, when I take time to ponder, to really look at the beauty of my precious ones, my family, my friends, beyond the irritating moments, I will be in awe of what sweetness God has shared with me. It is simple to see all the flaws in my children, my husband, and myself. And it would be easy for me to take the blame for their failures, since I am the captain of our daily lives, and responsible for training them! But that is not healthy or biblical.

So, I have come to practice several commitments to help me see each person for who they are inside. And to bring a fresh wind of grace to each moment. 

1. Assume the best about people in your life and choose to love them according to their needs. Recognize that they are growing, struggling, living with their imperfect selves.

My little one is not plotting to make my life miserable by being needy. My children expresse his needs through crying and whining to let me know something doesn’t feel right in their world.

It is a grace for me to be patient and seek to bring comfort and, again, grace! Same with my teen, my adult child. Their motivation in life is not to frustrate me. They are frustrated with the imperfections of life, (of which I am one), but God encourages me to be long-suffering, patient, humble if I am to identify with and understand Jesus. I am their coach who gets to encourage them through the frustration. My husband is not necessarily mad at me but he is frustrated with the bills, the long hours of work, the things that keep falling apart, my friends also have a context that may cause them, for the moment, to be frustrated or angry. 

2. I am asking God to help me see people from his perspective.

I told  my extroverted children that they should not feel bad about being loud and bigger than life--God made them (and me!) that way and he actually liked them as they were as He made them that way. His design was good and  our personalities have a unique purpose. Look at always talking Peter, who Jesus called his "rock." What about David who danced before God with all his might and pleased God through it. Or the "too quiet" child who is timid. Perhaps this gentleness will serve to open the hearts of those needing a gentle, quiet spirit. Look for the good attributes of everyone you meet and affirm them for those great qualities.

3. Treat others the way I want to be treated. 

I have lots of moody times. When I am too busy, I become a drill sergeant. When I am depressed, I have darkness and cry. When I am in a hurry, I am impatient. Yet, I sort of want every one in the world to make me an exception, to just understand why I am grumpy and to give me a pass. I want perfect understanding for my hormones and I long for gentle love and affection, which, in my case, wins the day. Even if I do not always have what feels like meets my needs, I can understand that my others long for something that their particular selves need. Maybe that is what “my others” want when they keep exposing their imperfect moods, too. 

I am not talking about not training and not helping your children to learn not to be whiners or complainers. We need to slowly train that out of them. But I am talking about how to understand, how to approach them as I am witnessing these things. I ask, "Is my little one too exhausted to be able to handle life in a mature way?” Then I will be patient, cuddle them and put them to bed. Is my teen feeling rejected by his peers? Then he doesn't need more criticism, he needs a friend. Is my husband discouraged by something at work? Maybe he needs a cold drink, a time on the front porch to ease his bad day. 

However, rather than focusing on the bad, it’s more beneficial to focus on faith and the potential someday to be realized after years of praying and seeing God work through the moments I choose to be patient, kind and sympathetic; faith that God can take my honest offering of steadfastness, love and hope and make it into a beautiful legacy.

He will make up for my deficits and I will fill in the cracks for the deficits of those in my life. But in order to be the love, words and caress of Jesus to those in my life, I must relinquish my own needs, for the moment. This relinquishing happens one minute at a time--one detail of my life at a time.But this sort of love will change the course of my family's lives forever.

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  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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  • Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

  • Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!


A New Year, Time to Celebrate!

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There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man. John 1:9

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”Luke 2:13-14

Another year is upon us! What story will we tell with our lives? What events will occus? Every year, I set a new table and we begin again to celebrate His life, His light through us. I pray as you open a new year, you will have reason to find great joy along your path. Every season, each day is one worth finding joy.

Celebrating is a part of God's nature. The crickets sing to God, the birds chirp to God, the sunrise and sunset sing of His glory, the stars declare His glory and beauty.

God was so excited to celebrate the incarnation of His son on earth, that He crafted and designed in his honor a chandelier in the heavenlies for this special occasion. Imagine a Father saying, "I love you so much, I will give you a star for your birthday, and then the wealthiest kings of this small globe called earth will bring riches untold for your birthday present. I have arranged the heavenly host to sing a cantata, filling the sky, just to celebrate this moment, and all the earth will hear of your birthday party throughout all the generations."

Those he chose as the audience were the very ones who took care of sheep, the very symbol of His son--those who probably had hearts most ready to engage in  worship,  because nightly they delighted in the  display of splendor strewn across their ceiling, with twinklings, flurries of comets, galaxies waxing eloquent to the rhythm of their creator's bidding. These who had eyes to see and hearts to worship became the attendees of His celebratory party.

And so, I desire to have such eyes--to see His glory in the natural course of my own life. To hear the melodies that daily display songs of praise in the creation He has made, to see His very fingerprints in the eyes and souls of the precious ones in my home.

And so, in His honor, I bring light into my own personal darkness where we also live in the fallen place, a palette of color into the humble outpost of my daily lives and worship.

There is a life and hope and energy in this celebrating. It brings all earthly struggles into perspective, a baby bringing life that would conquer all ills, calm all storms, wrest all evil powers, heal all wounds.

Isaiah finds him so, "And His name shall be called Wonderful,  Counselor, the mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."

May He bless you and be all that you need and desire in the moments of 2022!



DeCluttering Your Soul: Planning a Year For Joy

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Nehemiah 8: 10

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Today, I am just beginning to settle back into a normal-ish routine. After having 10 people in my home for 5 days, meals, celebrations, messes, joys, I am always ready to breathe in a new year. As usual, I love the celebration of life and the traditions and the fun and the beauty of special times spent with my children, husband and friends that Christmas brings. But, there is something deeply satisfying to me about getting it all put away and getting back to normal. With 10 of us around our small house, some on couches and floors, toys, cookies, coffee and tea cups, paper, we had fun—but a sort of gentle chaos at all moments..

Closing this season is also a little bit of a relief to me, as I know the wonderful freedom to start a new year, as Anne says, “With no mistakes in it” gives me a tingling excitement. But this year, as we in the UK are threatened with new lockdowns and more limitations, I face this new year with a little bit of trepidation. Who could ever have thought 2021 was going to be so out of control. And it looks like 2022 may follow suit.

Every year as close as possible to New Year’s, I try to get away for a bit to do something I’ve come to call decluttering my soul. This year, I will have to try to find a place in my home where I will be alone at least for some of the time. Many have listened to my “Declutterung your soul” podcast. Today’s blog is the foundation for verses, Gods voice and truths that are the basis of my planning. Be sure to read it or print it out to use.

Getting Rid of Soul Clutter

Even as we might sort out a closet, throw away out dated and used clothing, papers, books, toys, unnecessary items, so we need to sort our our feelings, thoughts, spirit, body, life. We need to clean out and throw out unneeded items in order to start out with a clean slate. I think sometimes in the demands of life, we carry burdens inside that we are not even aware of. These burdens keep us from living in the freedom, peace and love God intended us to experience every day. But it takes time and intentionality to off-lift burdens, to wash my heart clean and to move forward with the grace and energy God wants me to experience every day. Here I’m sharing my thoughts from years past about what that looks like, as I will follow the same pattern again, and hope you will join me for this most important of tasks as we enter a new season!

As many of you know, I have been sharing about decluttering my soul for many years. This year, for those who are a part of our membership, Lifewithsally.com, we have put together a wonderful new year retreat planner for you so that you can refocus on what matters for you and get a breath for good as a new start.

This year, I have a theme for my new start—I will pursue joy as God intends. I was struck by the angel who announced, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people.” God cares that all of us have great joy. And this is my wish for all of you, my friends, that you have deep joy in your year ahead. Happy 2022!

Now to the heart of decluttering: We can all see how too much clutter and too many piles causes us to feel overwhelmed with life. Consequently, slowly, I have learned to declutter as often as I can—throwing away unnecessary stuff. Clay is really the master at this. He helps me get rid of things, organize things, and put away things. Yesterday, he decluttered our pantry—threw away chip bags that held little but took up space, cleared out empty water bottles and bad, junky Christmas candy that would never eaten, baskets that had fallen off of their nails, groceries that had never been put in their place. Now, if someone came into my pantry, they would mistakenly think that I am an organized person. (Thank goodness for Clay!) It made me feel good just to open the door and to see that all is manageable again.

I have come to realize my brain and heart can be the same way---cluttered with worries, responsibilities, duties, children’s future, finances, time constraints, expectations, disappointments, critical attitudes, resentment. All these added together can tend to create soul piles and mind clutter. If I don’t take the time to sort the piles, my spirit becomes a mess and my heart becomes overwhelmed and weary.

This year, as with last, I have stored up some very distinct sadnesses, confusion, disappointment, occasionally anger that needs to be dealt with—Covid and all its cancellations. months inside, an unexpected hip surgery, activities and church cancelled. isolation, political distress and conflict on all sides of social media, the protests and deaths of so many, storms, deaths of friends, and so much more.

It is what awakened me at 4:00 a.m, filled with thoughts and prayers for my precious ones. And this is another reason I like January. Not because of the clutter waking me, but because the new month in the new year gives me an opportunity to make a new plan, to simplify the mind messes and to start off a whole new year well. In the same way that throwing away stuff and clearing out closets brings me relief—even more—soul and mind cleaning and decluttering brings me rest.

So, as I begin a new year, I resolve to deal with my soul-clutter, so that I may have strength to face each day in peace. I come to the place where I know I will find the help that I need. I come to my Father and ask Him to help me, His child, and ask Him show me how to make get rid of the junk that is unnecessary, to help me clean out and organize my soul.

To begin with, God speaks to me gently.

*Release

Release is the first phase for me. I seek to release, to identify, to unearth all of the pressures, fears and burdens I am carrying.

It was in writing my book, Dancing with My Father, that I learned so much about finding joy and peace. In Him, with Him, by Him all the moments of my busy day. His voice leads me to what I long for--but I must get rid of all that causes me to fret, worry, criticize, control. There is a way....

“In quietness and rest shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15 You need to come to me and give me all those things that are weighing on your heart. Resolve to seek rest and peace.

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

Only God can give us what we need. Only He is the source of rest and peace.

I listed all my issues this morning in my journal (and there seem to be multitudes of clutter piles in my soul--worries, attitudes, bitterness, weariness, fear, sin and a few more!) These are issues that will suck me dry and my energy dry if I do not notice them in order to clean out my soul.

The Lord prompted, "List all of your issues, give them over to Me. Don’t hold on to them. I am capable of taking them from you and being responsible so that you will not be weary or carry what you are not capable of carrying.”

*Choose Rest, Believe in His ability to Hold You

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. “ Psalm 37:7

Focus on resting in me—sit in my lap, and rest in my arms. Let me carry you. I love you. Wait for my timing. Don’t force things or beg me to hurry up. I am in control.

“Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

“Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother;Like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131:2

Give me your attention and get control of your spirit. Be quiet. Be still. Recognize my sovereignty and transcendence. Remember what Jesus said, “Our Father who art in heaven, holy is your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus modeled his understanding that my will is what you need to rest in. I am in heaven and I see all things—the future, the past, your children, your relationships, --all your clutter. Give them to me. Quiet your soul and rest in my strength and power.

*Trust

Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one little child like this receives me.” Matthew 18:3-5

Come to Me as a child—even as your children, in their innocence and sweetness of heart, know that you will care for them and meet their needs because you are a loving parent who cares for them, so I am your Father who will take care of you. Leave the burdens to your Father and take your rightful place as a child. Humble yourself and trust Me. Enjoy Me. Delight in the beautiful moments of this day. Notice the little miracles. Live as an unfettered child. Accept your little and big children and receive them as a gift from Me, and You will indeed receive me into your midst.

“ ... a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” I Peter 3:4

*Simplify

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about so many things. But really one is needed and Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10 41-42

Don’t worry and fret and stew and stir up unnecessary dust. Choose simplicity—just one thing I require—that you give it all to Me and love Me. I will take over. Even as I gave and provided a Sabbath in which all of My children should have rest from their work, so I want you to live in my Sabbath rest for your soul. Rest from your striving and labor. Take time for naps, for pleasure, for joy. This day you have to receive as a gift--I can't promise what tomorrow will hold. But today you can love, give peace, speak kind and wise words, dance in your soul with My secret pleasure that comes from knowing that I love you. Simplify your life, don’t make choices that will complicate or add unnecessary pressure or cause you to sin or grumble. “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life,” as Paul said.

So, as I yielded my lists into God’s hands and de-cluttered my troubled soul, I left feeling that even as my house has been coming to order after we cleaned and straightened it yesterday, so now my soul is moving in the direction of order.

How should I declutter my soul?

  1. Check your heart for any guilt or unconfessed sin. I have found that letting God erase my weight of real or false guilt, helps me to admit with God that I need Him, His grace and His forgiveness.

  2. Are there any hurts, burdens, fears, worries from the past year that you are carrying on your own shoulders? Write them down, give them over into God’s hands and ask for practical wisdom about how to handle it. Pray from your heart about how you need help.

  3. Are you carrying any bitterness, worries, cynicism that is stealing from you? When we do not give forgiveness or accept the limitations of a circumstance or person, we are the ones who suffer the most. Be humble, give up bitterness, revenge, a gossiping heart and mouth.

  4. What are some dreams or ways you need to see God help you? Ask Him to provide for you—what is on your heart. God delights in answering prayer.

  5. Are you cherishing the world or worldly things too much? Is it keeping you from being close to Him, from developing righteous values? What do you need to change to move toward a closer walk with God? books? conference? daily time?

    What does it mean to “Seek first God’s kingdom for you this year? Only in His priorities will we find centeredness and blessing. List what your eternal/kingdom goals are and how to get there.

  6. Be yourself. Make plans that suit your loves, your personality, your limitations. Your story will be different than that of anyone else. Don’t carry the burden of comparison to others or a phantom that makes you think you should be a certain way. Be free, live in grace.

So many planners and so many ways to feel guilty or less than, but when we seek Him and His priorities and free ourselves from the burdens we are not meant to carry, we will find strength and purpose for each day.

May you know God’s deep love for you, His sovereignty even over unsure places and times and especially His joy. I pray you have a wonderful New Year and a light soul.

A Blessed, Light-Filled, Merry Christmas to All!

It has become tradition to share this scripture with you all the week of Christmas, and I’m so grateful to do that once again this year! Have you ever thought about the fact that the Father celebrated Christmas first? I pray this Christmas has found your heart filled with the blessed Light Jesus has brought into the world.

That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.” Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying,“Glory to God in highest heaven,and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”Luke 2:8-14

Our heavenly Father was the first to celebrate Christmas. He was the first one to document the birthday of Jesus—supernaturally, with music performed before humble shepherds and faraway kings. When I think about the wonders of the first Christmas—astonishing, bewildering, unimaginable beings appearing on the earth, extraterrestrial choirs filling the sky, a heretofore unknown star rising in the heavens, learned kings traveling from afar, a virgin birth in the midst of a love story, an old woman and an old man marveling and speaking of the Messiah as the baby is dedicated—I can’t help but think they were part of God’s plan to help us celebrate Jesus’ arrival.

Christmas is a time when we bring friends and family into our home to be refreshed. It is a time of personal worship and a time of joy. It’s a time of work and preparation, but all to say “I love you” and “God loves us and is worthy of our celebration of Him.” In these traditions we understand that God wanted us to put aside special times for the passing down of His story and His love.

How will you pass down and celebrate the celebration of God on this day we celebrate the birthday of Jesus? May your Christmas be full of His love, peace, and hope!

Tea Time Tuesday: Today, I offer you a Red Rose

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Today, I offer you roses. Years ago, Nathan surprised me. (Story below.) Enjoy his precious little heart that gave me a love for red roses. He and I remember this fun time and then I follow up with lots of fun tea-time talk. Enjoy.

Christmas Eve found me huffing and puffing over a kitchen cabinet overflowing with dough. Cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning, herb and onion bread for the Shepherd's meal that very evening, and I was into my own vortex of checking off a mental list of all that had to be finished. Stockings, wrap presents, call my family, make the potato soup and fill the cookie trays......on and on the list grew.

Charming 12 year old, golden blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, marched into the kitchen with a purpose to his step.

"Mama, I know you are busy, but there is something real important I need to talk to you about. I need you to come right now!"

A little tightness wrapped itself around my attitude.

My thoughts were, "Hello! Can't you see that I am up to my elbows in dough? Do you really know how much I am doing to make all of you happy? I am doing this for you. Can't you just see what I am up to and wait for just a little bit?"

My words, "Honey, I am a little busy right now. Can you just wait for a few minutes? Why don't you talk to me right here--I am happy to listen to you."

"Mom, we need to have privacy. It won't take long. If you could just come with me for a few minutes, I really need to talk to you."

Something in my heart said, "You need to take time. He is not usually this insistent in the middle of the day. Give him your focussed attention for just a few minutes."

And so I reluctantly wiped my hands clean, put the dough down and said, "Ok, Nate, let's go to my bedroom. No one is there."

He seemed to be holding something behind his back and wanted me to go in front of him.

I walked ahead of him into my bedroom, sat on our little love seat next to our bed and said, trying to smile amidst the tension I was feeling, "Now, Nathan, what did you want to talk about?"

Then, with a smile from cheek to cheek, he gingerly pulled out one long stem red rose from behind his back and presented it to me.

"Mama, I love you more than Christmas."

"I was thinking about all that you do to make us happy and I wanted to give you a present before I get all of my presents tomorrow. I wanted to let you know I love you and really appreciate you ahead of time. So here is my present, mama. I made Dad take me to the store and I got a red rose for you.  Do you like it?"

Of course, you could have pushed me over with a feather.

There is lots more today on Tea Time Tuesday—music, food, life, Christmas plans, inspiration. Let me know if you enjoy my ramblings. Hoping you have a wonderful week! Enjoy.

The rest of the story is on my podcast.

Shepherd's Meal: Written on our Hearts

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Some traditions hold you, put a stamp of remembrance on your heart, tie family and friends together. All of my children, when asked what their favorite tradition is for us Clarksons say, “Shepherd’s meal on Christmas Eve.” We have celebrated it together for 35 years without a break.

When Clay and I were early married, I told him that I thought instead of making Christmas Eve one more complicated, over the top, heavy work on “mama” meal, we should come up with something simple, easy, just like the first Christmas. I also thought that instead of focusing all of our time, energy, and excitement on “presents” and stockings, that on Christmas Eve, we could really ponder the heart of Christ through his first coming to the shepherd’s with a heavenly chorus, finding a humble mama nursing, tenderly cuddling her baby and remembering that Jesus came for all people—the high, the lowly, educated, pious and ungodly alike. We pondered and both agreed that the glory of Christ appearing to common men and women, shepherding their flocks was something we wanted to copy—the glory of angels singing amidst the ordinary work of shepherds watching over their flocks. And so, Shepherd’s meal became a sacred, mug-loved tradition for all of us.

All lights are extinguished, candles lit everywhere, simple soup, a fruit plate with nuts and cheese, homemade, hand-formed herb bread, and that was it. You would think it was a feast for how much we all love this meal. Now here is the story of the first one we celebrated when Sarah was 2 and Joel was just a month old.

Christmas found five of us—Clay and I, toddler Sarah and newborn Joel, and a young friend who was having an adventure on a break from college and living with us for six months—squished together in a tiny (nine-hundred-square-foot) gray stucco bungalow. The foundation had settled, leaving the basement steps slanted and uneven, with a bit of effect on the rest of the house. Most of the rooms were about as big as a large walk-in closet. Rain would pour down our walls—inside!—when it rained. Pigeons often found their way into the attic and then got stuck there. But the energy of young love, youthful ideals, toddler glee, and discoveries every day with a newborn son sang happiness and vibrancy into our lives.

Joel had a funny way of crying when he was hungry—a kind of a growl. That gave us pause; we had never heard of a baby who growled instead of crying. But we thought he was adorable, and Sarah was absolutely smitten. She toddled around telling everyone who would listen that “Dod dave us a baby boy—just like Jesus was when He came to Mary on Christmas!” Having heard the nativity story in the dark of our chapel one evening, she was sure that Joel was our own Jesus, and she would watch by the window each evening for the angels to appear to sing him a song.

Maybe it was her childlike love of the story that inspired me to host our first Shepherds’ Meal that Christmas Eve. To be honest, I can’t remember. But I’ll never forget the evening itself.

We thought our little orphan home had never looked more beautiful. Flames on crimson candles shivered and waved each time visitors rang our bell to signal their arrival and pushed open the front door. Our tiny antique table was laden with winter bounty—red apples, golden pears, and large polished hazelnuts—that gleamed in the candlelight. Seven of us in mismatched wooden chairs crowded around a table built for four, content to share in the friendly companionship of a festive evening. No one wanted to be alone on this frigid Christmas Eve.

We were something of a motley crowd, but so happy to be together—a young Austrian woman whose spouse had just abandoned her for another man, a Taiwanese secretary who worked at the United Nations headquarters, a refugee from the Middle East, and a young missionary from England, lonely on his very first time away from his family. Sarah sat chattering in my lap and talking about the angels. The friend who was living with us helped me serve the simple meal, and we all sang “Silent Night” as a prayer because it was the only carol everyone knew.

Four different languages were our mother tongues. As to religious conviction, we had one Catholic, one Evangelisch (Lutheran Reformed), an Asian Baptist, a British Anglican, and one agnostic who looked on and listened with curiosity. But hearts were opened by the simple beauty of bread, cheese, and warm herbed soup as we spoke of the shepherds who had found and worshiped Jesus on that first Christmas so long ago. And my own heart was warmed by the gathering of friends from such different cultures who shared our table and celebrated the love that whispered His reality through the moments of the evening.

I remember thinking that this was what heaven would be like—all unified, all tied together by the sharing of friendship and food as we celebrated Jesus’ first coming, each worshiping from our own traditions, but grateful for the divine Love that had kissed our evening with His presence.

There was something so special about that first Shepherds’ Meal that we couldn’t wait to “do it again next year.” And so we have. In the thirty-plus years since then, our family has enjoyed a Shepherds’ Meal every Christmas Eve, no matter where we lived. Even the preparation has become a tradition—a family affair. I pray you will all have a blessed Christmas wherever you are and that you will deeply sense God’s love and presence with you.

You can read more about it in The Lifegiving Table.

Training in Serving Others Begins When They're Little

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” –Mark 10:45

 “Make it a rule, and pray to God to help you to keep it, never, if possible, to lie down at night without being able to say: "I have made one human being at least a little wiser, or a little happier, or at least a little better this day." -Charles Kingsley

 I was in quite a hurry on the rainy day we pulled up to a stoplight in Nashville and saw a weather-beaten man on the curb holding up a dripping sign. I had both of my boys with me, they were seven and five, and we were late to their weekly music lessons. Windshield wipers thumping, streetlights gleaming through the rain, I glanced at the bedraggled figure standing outside our car, but I couldn’t stop today. There simply wasn’t time.

“Mama,” Nathan’s voice piped up from the backseat, “look at that man in the rain. Look, he has a sign. He must be cold.”

“’Homeless: anything helps, God bless’.” Joel read the words off the damp sign. “Look Mom, he only has one leg.”

For a moment, Joel contemplated this with a solemn, sad little face, and then he turned to me, eyes big and urgent.

“Mom, we should help him. We should buy him a hamburger!” I glanced at my watch and scouted the busy street for fast food restaurants. There were none in sight. But Joel, seeing the hesitation in my face, leaned forward from the back, straining against his seatbelt, “Come on, Mom!” he urged. “He really needs our help, and you said we should always help the people God puts in our way.”

And so, I did. Clay and I were always telling our kids to keep their eyes open for the people God might put in their lives who needed help or kindness. We wanted our kids to see themselves as servants, to have an identity as givers. I couldn’t contradict Joel’s impulse to give. I decided the music lessons would simply have to wait, and rolled down the window.

“Hello, sir,” I said as the man moved stiffly toward us, “My boys want to buy you some lunch.”

“Ask him if he wants hamburger or chicken!” called Joel, while Nathan added his own high-pitched command to be sure of his favorite drink. The man told me what he liked, and we took off as the light turned green. By the time we found a McDonald’s, ordered the perfect meal (with many directions from my boys – “Supersize it, Mom—he looks really hungry!”) and made it back around to the stoplight, the rain had slowed a little, and the man shuffled over to meet us.

As I handed him the bag of hot food and the “supersized” Coke, the boys piped up from the back with “We got you a hamburger like you said, and lots of french fries!” The man took the food, then put his hands on the window and leaned into the car.

“Boys,” he said looking back at each of them, “thank you so much. You’re the first people who stopped all day. What are your names?” The boys told him, and he nodded. “Well, thank you, Joel; thank you, Nathan. God bless you.”

“What’s your name?” piped up Nathan from the back as the man turned to go.

“Michael,” he said simply, and with a nod to me, walked away.

That night, as I put Nathan to bed and prepared to pray for him, he looked up at me with a very serious face. “Let’s pray for Michael, Mama,” he said, and that began a month in which the boys prayed fervently for Michael, “their homeless man,” every night. As I watched their little hearts ache for the loneliness and hurt of another person, I thanked God that I had taken the time to stop, to live out the message I was trying so hard to teach them every day in our home: how to have the heart of a giver, the heart of a servant.

From the time our kids were old enough to listen, Clay and I told them over and over, “I wonder how God will use you in the world. I wonder whose heart you will heal or what truth you will bring.” We wanted our children to think of themselves, even when they were little, as someone who had a responsibility to give, love, and to serve the people around them.

We live in difficult times and there is debate over the best ways to help in all sorts of settings. The most important thing, though, is that each of us pray and ask God how He would bless the people around us, through us, in our everyday lives. How might He direct you, today?

Weathering the Storms of Difficult People: Help I'm Drowning

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Walking outside, breathing in beauty gives me great peace. it also provides me time to gain perspective. Today, as I was on a walk, Joel and I were talking about how many people leave their faith or doubt their walk with God because they have met other believers who have hurt them or been legalistic or disappointed them. Today, I read an excerpt out of my book Help, I’m Drowning. There is much more on the podcast, but if you have struggled, you are not alone. I wrote Help, I’m Drowning because I wanted others to feel companionship in their own storms of life. Maybe a friend would be encouraged by this book this season. But in any case, I hope my podcast will encourage you. From Help, I’m Drowning.

Many years ago, just when I needed a support system, the mother of one of my best friends played a sort of grandmother role to my children once in a while. She lived two hours from our home, but she invited me to come for a weekend so she could “spoil” my children. Southern fried chicken and “Larla’s brownies” were always on the weekend menu.

What a grace it was to me during a lonely, discouraging season of my life. My father was dying, Clay and I were only making $600 a month, and we were praying fervently about decisions we needed to make for our future that were scary and entailed a lot of risk. The stakes were high, I was mothering three young children, and there were just so many difficult details in our lives at the time.

I called Clay as I was getting ready to come home from the trip to tell him how much fun we had, and how refreshing the time had been for all of us. Clay didn’t seem to hear me, as he responded, “Sally, did you have some kind of argument with XXXXX before you left? She called me and said she hated you and did not ever want to talk to you again, and she is going to be talking to leadership about why they should not allow you to teach the Bible study anymore.”

Stunned doesn’t even begin to define the depths of my surprise. This was a friend with whom I regularly met for coffee. I had just thrown a party to celebrate her birthday. I could not have been more surprised. I even asked Clay if he was confused and was mistaking her for someone else.

A catastrophic season followed. I was heartbroken, deeply hurt to my core. Her gossip, hatred, and jealousy of the response to my growing Bible study caused her to spread rumors and dissension to others. It was a horrible, terrible, nightmare-style time in my life.

Fellow Christian’s Blows Hurt the Most

One of my biggest challenges in this very fraught and emotional storm was that as a youngish, naive believer, I didn’t know some of the worst hurts in my life would come from other women who called themselves Christians. If someone knew and loved God, wouldn’t they be constrained to move in the direction of love, peacemaking, and unity?

I hate to say it, but this storm was only one of several we experienced in our years of ministry. More on AtHomeWithSally podcast.