Tea Time Tuesday: Discipleship is a Heart Issue

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Our defense against hard times is honest and heart-felt fellowship with a friend accompanied by steaming cups of tea and something wonderful to eat. -Sally Clarkson (tea time quotes)

Knowing Nathan and Keelia would be coming home for Christmas in Colorado and that we would not be there, I wanted to prepare for their coming to make it warm and cozy. I set 2 tables with Christmas plates, hung stockings and sprinkled Christmas cheer around the house. Each year for 30 years, I have hosted a Christmas Tea to gather friends, new and old and to cheer them over delicious food and fellowship. it has been a rhythm that has helped keep us faithful through the years. (You can read more about it in The Lifegiving Table)

Jesus was all about relationship and friendship as He modeled to His disciples what true ministry was—reaching the heart through relationships, love and serving—I talked about this on my podcast today.

Fritatta: Listen on the podcast—A Quick Dinner with Eggs, Veggies, crisp cheese and fresh bread (I bought mine today!)—a favorite in our house

Music: Michael W. Smith, Christmas Time & Michael W. Smith & Amy Grant Play List on Spotify

Books: James Harriott Treasury for Children

Movies: James Harriott Season 2 Television Series (PBS or Channel 5) or the Christmas Special

Call the Midwife: Christmas Special 2015

Foundational verses for leading me in my life of serving God:

Seek first the kingdom of God. (Matt 6: 33)

Go into the World and make Disciples (Matt. 28:18)

He looked out on the multitudes and had compassion on them. Pray to the Lord of the harvest to send laborers into the harvest. (Matt. 9: 37-38)

Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt. 22:37-38)

Jesus, kneeling down in the dusty floor, mingling his hands with toes, dirt and smell, lovingly touching and firmly wiping the feet of His beloved friends, amidst stench, noise and eating, laughing, living. Reaching their hearts, souls and minds with the depth of the call of the kingdom was an embracing of the reality of daily life amongst full-blooded, crusty, men, hungry to fulfill a life's purpose that captivated their deepest longings to see that their lives mattered..

Jesus didn't just talk about having a ministry from a broad, tall pulpit with a resounding microphone, while disappearing between sermons. He lived a deeply personal life with words and instruction as well as integrity and generous love demonstrated in each moment of every day and he served and bowed his knee to meet the needs and desires of those He loved.  He taught compassion, and then he demonstrated it by healing the sick, touching those with leprocy, drinking water with the prostitute, holding and caressing children, feeding those who were hungry.

Each of us longs to be a part of a great cause, an epoch story and each of us longs to belong in the hearts of someone in the world who cares for us. We can exist within the mundane moments of motherhood or marriage or work longer if we know and understand that somehow it is meaningful to our over-arching life story and heritage, a history that we are passing on, when we daily stoop to serve, and patiently give of our energy to meet the needs of others.

But we long to know our lives can make a real difference, that our being alive and making right choices isn't just about duty, but about a heart-gripping reality that will make a purposeful impact in the lives of others- and to know that someone cares about our life sacrifices and investment of our time.

We need to recognize these same needs in the heart of our children. "Our children's hearts long ot be a part of a great cause. Training our children for ministry needs to be at the center of everything we are attempting to do with our lives. Serving God and loving Him is not about knowing all of the right rules and keeping them; it is about cultivating compassion in the hearts of our children for a lost world and showing them how they can be a part of His great plans for them to reach their world in their lifetime." The Mom Walk

Jesus called his disciples away from tasks to make an imprint on history, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men!" "Go into the world and make disciples." "These uneducated men have turned the world upside down."

Paul and Peter were willing and joyfully sacrificed their lives because they knew, they deeply understood, they were a part of the movement of the Spirit of God to redeem the world for their creator, they were kingdom laborers. The passion in their heart gave them the power to serve. Service without heart kills the soul.

And so, when we seek to disciple our children, it is cultivating in them a vision for their importance to Christ's work, a hope that they are needed to fulfill a kingdom cause--with their unique personality and skills, and then giving them practice in serving others as they grow up in our homes, which are the center of ministry. It is about them watching us serve and being caught up in the beauty of our loving, giving to, serving and inspiring others from the integrity and compassion of our own hearts and lives, that their hearts will be captured.

Hearing about ministry, seeing ministry taking place and giving them a place to serve and be needed is the process of captivating their hearts with a passion that will last them their whole lives is the process of shaping them into life-long disciples of Jesus.  Discipleship is not about indoctrination, discipleship is heart work.

Several years ago, our ministry team wanted to extend this encouragement and inspiration to women all over the world. I've been encouraging moms in Christ for over forty years. I've mentored and discipled women personally, in small groups, in Bible studies, and through events and conferences.

In the past two decades, God has also allowed me to touch many more lives, both in the states and internationally, through my books, blogging, podcasts, and webinars.

I still love connecting with so many women in all those ways, but Life with Sally is a unique online community. I hope that it can be become a breath of fresh spiritual air for you.As an older mother now of four grown children and three beloved grandchildren, I invest my time there to give back to moms like you the wisdom and truth I've learned in my long mom walk with God.

Our membership, Lifewithsally, helps to support our ministry, our staff, our projects and missions outreach. We are so appreciative of those of you who support Whole Heart Ministries financially or by being a member.

We could not grow without your generosity. But this year, we also want to give back. We know there are so many who have lost jobs, have had crisis in their lives and cannot afford to become members. If this is you or someone you know, we want to give a scholarship to you of one year of our membership as a sort of Christmas outreach. Fill out the form and let us know your needs and we will hope to gift you a membership to encourage you and bless you. Go here to fill out the form: https://forms.gle/eW2Wv2rEesvy8qve7
We pray that each of you has a wonderful week. Know that we consider it a privilege to serve you. Thanks for being a part of our ministry. Remember:

Quote of the Week: “Every meal should be a celebration of life itself as we break bread and enter fellowship together.” Sally Clarkson, The Lifegiving Table

God Loves You 10,000, Every Day, All Your Life

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As sound asleep as one can be, I was curled up in a bundle of blankets in dreamland. Suddenly, I felt a gentle push. “Queenie, you need to wake up. Come be with me!” And so pajama’d, groggy, I slipped downstairs, hand in hand with my precious little granddaughter and we had a cup of tea together as is our custom, sitting as close as we could in an overstuffed chair. What a deeply heart-filling weekend I had cherishing every moment we had together.

As an older woman, I know that the thing she needs the most—and that I still need, is that unshakeable, strong, steadfast love that will hold her through all the storms and seasons of her life. And so I tell her, over and over again in a million ways. I remember all too well my littles, become teens and then adults and how they longed to know they were lovable to someone in the world who would stick with them their whole lives.

“Mama, do you still love me when I make such stupid mistakes?” My sweet teenager, many years ago, was curled up on the couch in an almost fetal position, deeply regretting something she has done and condemning herself over and over again for not refraining from the foolish behavior.

“I love you if you had made 10,000 mistakes. I love you because you are mine. I love you even in spite of  the mistakes you will make the rest of your life. You are so precious to me, I can hardly refrain from kissing your sweet head a million times right now.”

A tiny smile curled her lips. I stroked her hair and told her that God’s love became more precious to me each day, because the older I got, the more I sinned, even when I wish I could be good.  And this truth made me love Him for His gracious love given freely every single day.

The truth is, all of us know that deep inside we are broken.

We want to be good, to practice patience, to be generous of heart, yet, our petty selves accuse us of countless ways we fail to live up to our own standards on a daily basis. And we know we fall short in a thousand ways of God’s ways for us. But now that I am 68, I have learned that His love for me is beyond measure, His forgiveness already extends to every day of my life. His mercy is never ending. This truth has changed my life. No matter what I do in a day, he still loves me, forgives me, wants to be in relationship with me.

Just this morning, I was awakened by a sunrise outside the bedroom window. Pink and coral shadows danced on the clouds and seemed to say, “This day is holy, a day to celebrate, because I am here. My love and mercy are the starting points of your day. Remember me and live in my joy.” We walked in the fields as the sun set. Sunrises and sunsets speak to me of God’s presence.

 And then I remembered one of my favorite verses that speaks to me every time I see a beautiful sunrise, and I told Samuel and Lilly that the sunrise and sunset were God’s whispers that He loved them and made the sky beautiful to remind them. And I have shared this verse so many times.

 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
    his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The Steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. Every single morning when we awaken, God’s mercy sees our frailty and provides for a covering of grace through every moment we fall short of perfection. Every day, we can live in the freedom to know we are forgiven.

This profound truth is so vitally important to being able to love God fully, and to live in the deep joy and freedom He wants us to experience every day.

The truths of His forgiveness written in God’s Word will transform your life every day. His life exchanged for your life means you will never have to feel separated from Him again, but every day, you can curl up in His abiding love, walk in His gracious mercy and breathe free from the burden of guilt.  Our heavenly Father waits to show you His goodness because it is at the very core of His heart. And that you will know His unconditional love.

It is my hope and prayer that everyone who studies these profound truths will understand and experience His complete forgiveness of every sin you will ever commit, every flaw, every imperfection and that you will live in the peace His spirit brings to carry us through every day until we see Him face to face.

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Unfortunately, Your Children Will Resist Training Sometimes!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:11

"Could you P L E A S E stop fussing!" I remember so many times when I thought I was making absolutely no progress at all in training my children. Constantly, I had to stand against my children's selfishness, self-centeredness, fusses, and arguments of, "He did it!" Then there was the, "How many times do I have to ask you to make your bed?” (Or clean your room, pick up after yourself, not talk in that voice!) and so on.

So many people who meet my children as adults and read our stories falsely get the impression that it was just easier for me! But, I tell you, I have earned every gray hair that is on my head--through stress and strain, lots of tears, and endless praying--begging  God for His intervention. So many sweet mamas think they have failed their children, are doing a bad job, or think other moms never make mistakes.

Yet we aren’t alone when our children resist us! You only have to look at the history of the Jews in the Bible to understand that all of God's children resisted Him. Even as He entered Jerusalem, He said,  "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing."

The history of Christianity, all the way from Genesis to Revelation, is God's children resisting him! And we are still doing it. So many times I wanted to have fun with the kids and bless them in some way, and they would choose to act in a childish way and my plan for a peaceful or fun moment would be spoiled because the situation would require discipline once again.

If your children are resisting you, then you must be working against their selfish and self-centered egos and moving them into a direction of maturity. That’s a good thing! There is no magic formula that will make them mature. It is training them day in day out, "no not this, but this is the way to behave," over and over and over again:  giving them chores to do and coming alongside and doing them. Teaching them manners and correcting and instructing them again and again. Helping them memorize scripture and using the Word to teach them about wrong attitudes versus good attitudes, training them to learn to love, helping them to become unselfish.

And of course, aiming training at the heart, their motivation, seeking to cooperate with their age, sex, personality, and issues. Learning to be a student of their inside attitudes is a mysterious process that requires lots of faith, wisdom, and experience. God's grace was always there, and He took my paltry offerings. I have compared myself many times to the little boy with the loaves and fish--He took what I offered and made it enough.

My children did not usually say, "Thanks so much, mama, for feeding me broccoli." Or, “Thanks for all the hard work you make me do." or, "I just love it when you correct my attitudes and make me write out verses or empty the dishwasher or stay in my room alone. to think about my actions!"

All discipline, as it says in Hebrews, for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful, yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

"Afterwards" from this passage,  is when your muscle mass is sagging, your hair is turning grey and you have wrinkles around your eyes.

Hang on, mamas! All of your training will eventually matter so very greatly--but it may not, probably will not be affirmed at the moment in which it is given. It is a long pathway of life, never instant, and always through some dark passages.

Resisting training is normal, but the trained child will indeed become strong and healthy. God in his wisdom, designed mamas to be the life, heart, and soul-coaches, the ones who would hold up the bar of Biblical ideals, train and instruct towards those ideals and then draw out the God-giving potential that rests in each of our children and in us, to bring about the excellence of character and strength of spirit and grace in relationships.

Another side-blessing was that in taking responsibility for my children’s souls, and seeking what was excellent for them, I became stronger, more mature, and more excellent in the process, too--that God! He has His sneaky ways! And in the end, by submitting to His training by requiring me to train my sweet ones, I end up becoming stronger and more the person I always wanted to grow into, also, little by little.

So, today, take a deep breath, lean into the whole miraculous process and enjoy the way. Reach high, over and over again. Don't take yourself and your guilty moments too seriously, persevere and you will see the wisdom of God flourishing in and through your own home.

You are doing a great job--it just doesn't always feel like it!

We Always Tell the Truth: Our 24 Family Ways #24

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Way 24: We always tell the truth and do not practice deceitfulness of any kind.

Memory Verse:

Who is the man who loves life and loves length of days that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.

Psalm 34: 12-13

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” ~C.S. Lewis

Can you believe we’ve reached the end of our study on the 24 Family Ways? I hope this series has been an encouragement to you!

Gathering my closest local friends for a time to study the word and discuss different issues has been one of the pleasures of my life for many years. Meeting weekly over tea and coffee and snacks and sharing, and then spending 2 hours in the Word, deeply studying what He has left for us to know and understand, has helped me grow and challenged my faith. I want to grow in truth, knowledge, and wisdom until I see Jesus face to face.

Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with your heart, (the center of our emotions, dreams, and all that we value), your mind, (thinking, developing convictions, understanding truth, walking in wisdom), and all your strength”-- (with all of our power, energy, strength, devotion.)

Our Bible study this week was from a number of passages about God's word, wisdom, the counsel of men, and Jesus as the Word and as the Word incarnate.

Christianity is not just a work to be done--

but it is the truth through which we may come to see all of life as it really is--

it is the grid through which we will view all of life's issues.

When we walk as women who have been stewards of our brains--women who think well and clearly, we will then be teachers and leaders of truth and conviction.

Even more, Jesus was and is a real, in-the-flesh person who embodied truth, life, love compassion, and righteousness. Coming to Him, recognizing Him as God in human flesh who was tempted, tired, hungry, and lonely, and watching and pondering through scripture how He lived and responded to life will help us grow closer to Him.

Yet, I have talked to countless women who all say the same thing: "I don't meet many women who know how to think Biblically or who really walk in their personal convictions of God's truth and wisdom being the foundation of their lives. I haven't been able to find a mentor whose life is worth following when I look around me. That is why I love this Bible study group--we push each other to think well and to live by our convictions developed in His light."

Some time ago, I had over 600 comments on a post from women saying they needed a mentor--someone to lead them in truth and wisdom. And yet, most cannot even find one person who is ahead of them and reaching out to them to teach them how to walk with Christ.

No matter what else you are doing, you cannot please God and become closer with Him and understand His ways--so that they will be a light to your path--if you are not studying His word, reading wise people’s words, and thinking true biblical thoughts.

So many women and men I see in this generation want to rely on someone else to tell them what to do--and the thing is, you can almost find any book or authority to give you permission to do whatever you want to do--

But what does God require of you?

How does God want you to live your life? What lies of men does He want you to avoid because you have learned how to think biblically because you are a seasoned student of His word?

Each of us must take responsibility for our minds, because that is an integral part of what Jesus said was the essence of the commandments--to love the Lord our God with all of our mind.

We cannot teach our children to tell the truth, to understand the nuance of God’s heart for truth, to be those who are honest about life if we are not growing in front of them and embodying to them what truth lived out looks like.

And this is one of the best gifts I could give to our children--not to trust in the words of men, not to follow the crowd--whichever crowd they are surrounded by, --but to fill their minds with truth, to wrestle mentally with what is true, to measure life by His wisdom and insight and as C.S. Lewis says, "by it, (the truth, wisdom, insight, commandments, stories) I see everything else in its light.

So, today, make a plan for your mind--choose a course of Bible study, and plan a time every day to do it.

Find books and authors who have truly walked with God and can lead you to think clearly, (C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton, and many others)

Ask at least one friend to meet with you and to study and discuss together God's word.

Learning to think clearly and Biblically, in order to be able to fight the formulas and ways of other men takes practice and investment of time---and it is the one way all children need to grow--to learn to think well, to learn to see the fallacies, false doctrine and rules that are man made and not in scripture--it requires thinking and being a steward of the word.

They need to see you doing it and be learning from you for them to learn how to be excellent in these skills, but oh how the world longs for purveyors of truth who know how to think.

Our 24 Family Ways (2010)
By Clay Clarkson

Tea Time Tuesday: Why We Should Rejoice

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“If you are cold, tea will warm you;
if you are too heated, it will cool you;
If you are depressed, it will cheer you;
If you are excited, it will calm you.”  – 

William Ewart Gladstone, 3X Prime Minister of the UK

Welcome to Teatime Tuesday. Please grab a chair, a cuppa something that soothes and comforts and let’s have a chat. What fun I have had the past weeks really thinking about the magic of hospitality—not in big ways to hundreds, but in small, beautiful ways to those who sleep under the same roof as me, neighbors I see every day, friends I have known for a lifetime. All of these deserve my attention, my love, my giggles, my hearing ear and my grace. And of course, I do agree with Gladstone—tea is magical—whatever you need, warmth, cooling down, cheer, calm or peace—you can find it in a few moments where you take time to sit quietly and care for your soul.

So many things I wanted to share today! Lots of pondering this week.

*My Christmas party for women in my Bible study and how we shall celebrate life together tonight.

*Two Recipes that are easy for this season: Red Hot Apple Cider and toasted, salted Walnuts to please all

*Ideas for pursuing your people to have the right to mentor them—heart opening times

*3 Relationship princinciples to open hearts:

1. Be a Safe Person, trustworthy to toddlers to adults

2. Regularly give them a rhythm of personal time in order to build the relationship so it will become strong.

3. Study their personality, issues, eyes, needs, so that you can actually relate to them as God has made them—don’t judge their motives for their behavior—look behind their actions.

*In dulci jubilo The Real Story Behind Good Christian Men Rejoice: Angels invitation for us to Dance and leave our burdens in God’s hands. I’ll never sing it the same way again.

Quotation and Book: The Castle on the Hill by Elizabeth Goudge

That day when she had had tea with Mrs Heather and realized that it was in cottages like this one that the idea of home would be kept safe. The Castles would be destroyed, but the little homes hidden like Peter Rabbit’s among the tree trunks would tend the flame.

For all who want to hear In dulci jubilo now that you know the story, find Midwinter Carols, Volume 2 by Joel Clarkson wherever music is streamed. You will love the song even more once you know the story.

Have a lovely week, my sweet friends.

The Wisdom of Cultivating Joy This Christmastide

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When we call home, we always ask Nathan how our Darcy Dog is doing. Over years, she has brought me joy at no cost—just ready to play, love, and give all of us lots of joy. Today, I wanted to create a podcast and blog post that would bring a smile to the midst of your busy day—just like Darcy always did for me.

Sometimes, I think mamas need someone to read them a story that fills the heart and soothes the moments of the day. Today, I read a really fun portion from December in The Lifegiving Home and share some of my favorite joy passages with you. I hope it will encourage you. I don’t know about you, but daily, I look for ways to keep my soul alive by what I am reading and pondering.

Recently, I have been deeply studying the concept of joy in scripture. We all know that it is a fruit of the spirit. But think about this, it is also good medicine, Proverbs tells us. And there are so many more treasures I found in my study that I will share with you—some today in the podcast, and some in my membership: https://lifewithsally.com

The reason I titled this blog post, “Cultivating Joy” is that it doesn’t just come naturally. Cultivating was originally a farming term that indicated preparing the land, planting seeds, causing the earth to be productive through preparation and planting. And so it is with joy. Though it is actually an essential part of who God is—a part of His very being, we must plant our thoughts, seek to live in the strength of His spirit, spend time with Him and dedicate our lives to growing in His joy. Living in joy is cultivating a way of seeing all of life—looking for the light and beautiful places.

As many of you know, a number of years ago, over many years, my life had become so burdened with difficulties, demands, disappointment, and drudgery. (I had fun doing all the d’s! ) I realized that I was drained to the core and the result was darkness in my thoughts, and dread in my heart.

After some deep soul-searching times, I realized that I did not want to be a victim in life but an overcomer. And so I wrote a book called, Dancing with My Father, and started my first blog named “I Take Joy.” I realized that as a woman, I had agency—the ability to decide how I was going to respond to the circumstances of my life. And I realized that I wanted to stay faithful to the Lord every day, (as much as possible and some times of regrouping) and be found a person of faith when I saw Him in reality, face to face.

My life has not been easy—just like yours hasn’t been. There have been difficulties beyond what I ever imagined and sadness, the broken-hearted kind in deep disappointments. Yet, my commitment to keeping a grid of joy has carried me through and allowed me to get up, time after time, to live one more day worshipping Him right in the midst of my story.

What brings you joy through your days?

Happy Monday.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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Time to Turn My House into Christmas Wonderland!

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Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting - a wayside sacrament.  Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When God prepared the garden as a first home for his first children, He did not make it merely utilitarian, but a place of color, variety, and eye-pleasing design-- a place of visual, emotional, intellectual, and physical comfort for His first son and daughter. There was fruit of every sort, probably at the peak of sweetness, with spices, herbs, nuts, grains, trees, flowers--the reflection of His own artwork in every square foot of garden.

A part of God's inherent nature was to create and provide pleasure to His creatures through what He made.

And so, as a co-creator, made in God's likeness, we extend beauty, creativity, and pleasure within the confines of our own realms, too.

Over the years, cultivating seasonal beauty has become a pleasure for me  and a gratifying one, too, as our home feels like the most wonderful place in the world for my children to be because of all the heart -strings we have tied by sharing in the atmosphere through life-giving moments and traditions over many years. Even now, when we live in different places, we love to come together and enjoy the decorations and accoutrements to many years of celebration whenever we can!

I do not buy much, as I have used mostly things passed down or purchased one at a time over many decades of marriage. I have lived in tiny apartments and sprawling old homes, but have found it is God's beauty expressed through you through your own design that matters. Sometimes a small candlelight in a cozy room is all that is needed to create a place of rest and a sense of haven.

So many words have been crafted about whether we devalue the beauty and simplicity of the Christ story through all of the contemporary ways we have marketed and made Christmas into a secular holiday. Should we celebrate with Christmas trees—and if we do, are we validating pagan ways? I have prayed and pondered over all of these issues, myself.

Yet, there has never been any confusion in our home with our own children. We are not pagans--we love Jesus in front of our children every day of the year. We have used our tree as a symbol that God is eternally the same--the evergreen is a picture of His never-changing nature and ever present love throughout eternity. We talk about the lights, and how beautifully they sparkle as a picture of our need to bring light to a dark world. We have spent hours and hours of memorable "discipleship" moments sitting in our lit room, candles flickering, sharing hearts and growing closer.

The Christmas story is the most important way in this season that we celebrate God's beauty, life, love, and goodness. Home should be a haven, a storehouse, for creativity and the glory of workmanship that shows the divine spark of our ability to create an atmosphere that breathes the life of Christ. Home should encompass all that is good, inspirational, true, comforting, loving, and real for our children.

The world around us holds temptation and darkness. That is why we all long for a place of comfort, a retreat of rest, a sanctuary of life where we may find a haven in which to restore the light in our souls.

When we, as women, create an atmosphere that invites and welcomes our children, husbands and families every day, they will always see our home as a place of restoration, a haven in the storms of life. It is one of the glories of womanhood to craft home into that place that warms the hearts, stills the fears, and captivates the imaginations of those who live there, for the glory of God.

Creating a beautiful haven gives all who enter a place for their work, play, creating and living of life. And so, though the work is long, we seek every day, to create the beauty of His presence, not only in our words, but also in the atmosphere that supports our messages.

Peace to you this day, and I pray your own Christmas—fying is a joy! :)

We Exercise Self-Control: Our 24 Family Ways #23

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Way #23

We exercise self-control at all times and in every kind of situation.

Memory Verse: 

"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." -Proverbs 29:11

 As many of you know, my daughter Joy recently received her PhD from Saint Andrews. However, in my podcast yesterday, I talked about the most important way that she was able to acquire her PhD. It wasn’t about being brilliant or superior to her peers.

But it was about the character quality of being self governed, practicing faithfulness, learning to work hard and thoroughly as a young child. Steadfast work and self government to keep going is at the heart of all great accomplishments.

A sweet mom recently came over for tea and said she felt like pulling her hair out.  (Don't we all at times?)

When she described her situation, I understood that she was afraid to train or discipline her children at all for fear they would not like her, so she rarely required an honorable response from them. This resulted in some quite stressful and chaotic times in their home.

Often, moms allow unruly behavior, calling their lack of response “grace”.  Yet children who are not directed or taught to practice becoming stronger little by little, ruling over their impulses actually become unhappy and frustrated with themselves. Getting their own way all the time does not satisfy a child's longing for security and self- control..

.Self-government is defined this way: a person learning to command his impulses, build good habits, healthy emotions, working hard to form a strong intellect, and talents, and rule over his will in a productive way. We can all grow stronger in this way, bit by bit.⠀ Children can begin this at a very early age, and I have found this skill to be of utmost importance to adults, too, as one cannot be a mature believer unless one has mastered self-government, self-control, and patience--or at least be growing in that direction!

The idea behind self-government is that all of us have power and authority over our own lives. This power comes from within, and can help us master problems, surmount obstacles, and achieve great things. Self-government doesn’t mean working out life all on our own effort, without the power of God, but instead affirms that we have a moral character that can be strengthened by our will, through practice. The person who has cultivated this kind of strong character is useful and productive in every area of life.

This quality helps a believer exercise faith, courage, and perseverance in the midst of trials. It is what helps a pianist to practice long hours, an athlete to exercise rigorously in order to become a champion, a missionary to master a language and remain faithful in a foreign country until there is a multiplying ministry, a wife to bear up with grace when married to an immature husband, a mother to continue over and over to practice patience with a sick or rebellious child. It is the unseen power of governing life by mature, faith-based choices as opposed to temporary, self-centered feelings.

Self-governing isn’t the natural default of a child’s behavior, of course. We taught it to our children intentionally. We can see the biblical principle for self-government in this passage from Deuteronomy: “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants.” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

God tells the Israelites to obey Him, and if they do, they will be blessed. If they don’t obey, they will be cursed–there were consequences to their decisions. In life all choices have consequences. Our children need to understand that they will reap what they sow.

I used to say to my children over and over again: “Daddy and I cannot make you into great people. You have the power to determine how strong you become by how you exercise your will. We can train you and teach you how to be good and how to be righteous, but you have to decide to obey, and you have to decide that you want to become a person of godly character. God made you such a wonderful child, so I hope you will decide to do your best to become all that you can be. It is in your hands. It is yours to decide to respond correctly, but I am praying and hoping that you will.”

When we appeal to our children’s hearts for excellence and choices of good behavior, then we are giving them the will and desire to be excellent for themselves. Their desire comes from within and their motivation is from the heart. But if we train them behaviorally by always forcing them to do what we want them to do because they might get a spanking or some other kind of threatened discipline if they don’t, their motivation is to avoid spanking or harshness, not to please God or to please their parents by having a good heart and responding in obedience.

My desire as a mom is that my children would internalize all the precepts we have taught them over the years. I want them to love God and obey Him because they earnestly love Him and desire to please Him. This foundation will carry them throughout all the decision-making processes they will face for the rest of their lives.

If you have the desire to go deeper today, feel free to complete the reflection and application below:

• "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants.” Deuteronomy 30:19

It’s our job as mamas to set before our children life and death—and to encourage them to choose life! What are you doing to draw your children toward life?

• “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.” Proverbs 25:28

What a frightening picture this was at the time this scripture was written! A city without walls had no protection; no vantage point to watch for enemies; no means of defense. And so we are, when we have no self-control. Is self-control an area in your own life that could use some work? How can you build your own “city walls”?

Education of morals, habits, character and faith determine the foundations upon which a life will be built. Strong foundations lend themselves to vast structures. Make a plan today about how you will build those foundations into your own life and that of your children!

Tea Time Tuesday: Preparing Room In Your Heart For Friendship

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One of the reasons I love the Christmas season is that it reminds me to make time for those I love and cherish. Making time for meals, tea times, where I plan on seeking out the one in front of me—to look into their eyes, to discern the weights they carry, to leave them with the fragrance of love and acceptance—these are some of my goals when I make time to share life over a cup of tea or coffee.

Last night, I was typing away to create a blog out of the podcast I had been struggling to record for almost 2 hours. A gentle knock on my door temporarily distracted me.

“Can I come in?” Joy quietly asked.

In her hands were two mugs of foamed milk, sprinkled with brown sugar atop—(A holiday touch)—and filled with decaf spicy bedtime tea. A surprise that absolutely delighted me. Someone had thought of me—someone had spoiled me—a rare treat.

Have any of us ever had too much love or encouragement? Too many words of appreciation? Too many acts of kindness? I know I haven’t.

We all long for kindred spirits — those with whom we could spend hours dreaming, laughing, and sharing our heart’s troubles. But many people I know struggle to find those kindred spirits. Living our busy lives, we hope that lifelong friendships will fall into our lap, or come knocking at our front door. But over many years of struggling with loneliness myself, I’ve found that the best way to cultivate a true, deep-rooted friendship is to commit to seeking them out, intentionally going out of our way to invite a new friend over for a cup of tea and a deep discussion. And so, many years ago, a weekly appointment for cups or tea or coffee with my “besties” or my children became a lifetime commitment.

It is my tea time friendships that have built deep connection with those who know me and still love me. Make this month a time of thoughtful connection with your own tea time friends. The photo above is one in which one of my tea time friends prepared a memory for us together over tea.

Lessons of a PHD with Dr. Joy Clarkson

Why we need advent: Sarah Clarkson

Scripture: A Joyful Heart is Good Medicine—when one of us is very happy, it spreads the happiness to all of us.

Favorite Christmas Album: Midwinter Carols #2, Joy to the world is my favorite Song of the week:Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room—prepare for those you love that they might feel His love. Also, the hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight. (Oh Little Town of Bethlehem)

Meal: Creamy Chicken and Mushroom Noodles

Quote of the week: “Understanding that influence is best cultivated through love and friendship, I sought to deepen my sympathy for what was going on in their hearts, to understand their personalities, to affirm their intrinsic worth to me, to God and to others, and to encourage them on a daily basis.” Sally Clarkson

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Hope in Christ, The Foundation of Our Faith

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Tonight, (Sunday night) I experienced one of the most wonderful advent services. Merton College, one of the schools that is part of the Oxford system, held an advent service last night that touched me to my core. Sitting in the darkness with no lights, we strained our ears to the choir reminding us of Christ coming as light to the darkness. Holding our own candles, eventually we lit them, one person to another, and the room was filled with glory and beauty. Eventually after scripture readings, songs, hymns. we were ushered into the foyer slowly to stand shoulder to shoulder, a gathering of hundreds of people where our candles were burning bright, the organ was boldly filling the room with rich notes, but even more splendid and surprising, the bell ringers, over a hundred feet above us, were pulling the ropes and ringing in the hope that Christ brings.

(Look at the very top of my snapshot—you will see the dark figures of 3-one in the middle, one on either side, ringing in the hope of Christ as we begin to celebrate Advent. Oddly, I was thinking about how hidden the bell ringers are—but how important their job—ringing out hope through their faithful labor—kind of like us!)

I was talking to a couple of my children in the past couple of weeks. All of us agree that we have felt discouraged in our faith, weary in our hearts. We all want to keep our faith alive, we all desire to serve Christ, but honestly, with no church, no regular connection with people and events, with all of the negative news and political conflict between families and friends, the storm of life has left many of us depleted. Have you felt that way—emotionally distant in faith, but thoroughly committed in character. Talking about it together is so important. Being friends and helping one another has been so important for us.

Yet, feeling discouraged is a part of the experience of so many people throughout history, especially the history of Israel. Advent is a break of light into darkness, hope into discouragement. Mary found favor with God because she was cherishing hope in the midst of a dark time. Now is the time for us to kindle our hope, encourage one another and to stay fast as we live faithfully—be it done according to your will—and tell a story that in eternity will ring true of the behind the ways He was always at work in our lives and in the world.

I hope you will be encouraged by my podcast today.

FOR MORE

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  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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  • Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

  • Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!