A Little Thought of Home ... A Place of Grace

"Home is the place where the whispers of God's love are heard regularly, the touch of His hands are given intentionally throughout the day, the words of His encouragement and affirmation pointed to lay the foundations of loving relationships."-The Mission of Motherhood

Home is indeed a place of grace—where we can be ourselves, cuddle up to familiarity, count on food we are used to, love that is always and forever unconditional. I hope you enjoyed a lovely Thanksgiving! I’m sure it’s been such a busy time, and so today, I simply want to leave you a little thought for your weekend on the importance of home. It is such an honor that God has trusted each of us mothers to be cultivators of beauty and life-givers within the walls where our loved ones reside. Perhaps you've lived in your house forever, watching all of your children grow up. Or maybe you've just moved to a new place, and are feeling exhausted in the midst of so much transition.

Whether you've spent years in your home or are just starting over, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by work when we think about home. This weekend, I challenge you to be inspired by all of the amazing, beautiful, lively moments that can and will happen in your home.

Home is the place where chairs are rocked...

where relationships are nurtured and prioritized ... where souls are refreshed ... where hands are held ...

Home is the place where you are able to bring hearts together though meals, prayers, memories, laughter, and conversation.

What will you do with your home this weekend?

We Ask Before We Act: Our 24 Family Ways #22

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Our 24 Family Ways #22

We ask before we act when we do not know what is right to do.

Memory Verse:

He who walks with the wise is wise. A companion of fools suffers harm. 

Proverbs 15:20

"By walking in integrity at home, my children received from my life, training for battles that were ahead of them. By walking through the obstacles and curves of our lives, trusting God, living by faith, choosing to endure, our children became familiar with what it looked like to walk with God in the midst of their own challenges." -Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

When your children walk with you, are they walking with a wise person?  Can they look at your seasoned responses, your insightful understanding of people, your fortitude in difficult times as they walk the moments of your daily life? Children watch us, listen to us when we are talking to others, hear us behind closed doors as we talk to our husband, see us in public. Our lives are the walk that our children will imitate.

When your children are not sure which way to do, how to respond, or what is right or wrong, do they come to you for guidance? Do they know that you are the one to ask for wisdom in difficult moments?

We are in a generation and culture that has turned our children's training grounds into a battlefield. With relative morality, confusing voices, compromise of ideals, secular media values, and opposing opinions, where will our children find clarity and strong, secure values to embrace?

As mothers, we must be ready and equipped with steady feet and strong souls to lead the way for our kids with integrity. We will give them confidence as we walk, staying close to them, holding their hand, and showing them sure footsteps to follow.

 

"O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart." -Psalm 15:1-2

No matter how old your children become, you are the example for them. They will always be looking at you to see integrity, ideals, and how you interact with God. And the longer you provide your children with wisdom based on truth, the more they will quickly consider your advice as they walk their own adult journey. Still, on a daily basis, I am walking with my adult children. They learned to trust their "path guide" on the trail of life we walked together, day by day.

We must lead the way and set a solid foundation for the paths our children will follow. Teaching our children to walk truly never ends.

Are you walking in wisdom today? Is your life one you want your children to follow? Is your pathway in your life with God getting brighter and brighter? May God lead us on His path with integrity in each step.

What are some of the ways you make each day a focused moment of a loving relationship as you walk the days with your children?

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day

Proverbs 4: 18

A Time to Catch a Breath: Seek a Peaceful Life

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Tea Time Tuesday

Isn’t this teapot a hoot? Some busy woman thought, “If I could have 2 spouts, I could pour tea faster and get my work done more quickly!”

This week I was thinking how important it is to make time to catch your breath: seek a peaceful life.

As I am writing this post and thinking of all of you, I wish you could be here next to me and see the new pink roses I just bought for myself at the store. Or taste the delicious vegetable soup (veggies, sweet basil, garlic, onion, salt and pepper, chopped tomatoes, tomato sauce, simmering that warmed us to our toes. Sweet conversation around our table—every night forever and always and listening and paying attention to each one seated with me—that is what I wish I could do with you.

Tea time by its very nature calls us to take a deep breath, sigh, get all the “hurries” out, and breathe. To really enjoy tea (or coffee or chai or hot chocolate) one must consciously take time to sip, to taste, to make it last. a slurped-down cup of tea is a waste.

Many of you have the Thanksgiving feast to participate in or to cook yourself—but to go into it with peace, you have to have made the way, you have to have taken time. The messes will still be there—maybe your elves can help you flurry a quick clean-up. The “should be done” will also still be there. But now, you are precious and I wish I could spoil you a bit and take care of you—but it is ok to rest or watch a sweet movie, put your feet up—this life we are called to is a marathon. Listen to what Leo Tolstoy said.

“A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Family Happiness

Listen to what Paul said. This advice is just as important as any other he gave—accomplishing some great feat is no more important than living a quiet life if it is done in relationship with Jesus—who lived small, quiet, personal.

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. 12 Then people who are not believers will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.

I Thess: 4:11-12

One thing I have noticed is that my life has never slowed down, people have never quit needing something from me, deadlines have never ceased, and everyone keeps eating and wearing clothes that will need to be washed…again.

But, I have thought about this a lot over the years and especially this week. And I have set some boundaries, had to cancel some things, just so I can live a little bit more of my values this week.

Imagine that Tolstoy, so very famous and popular and from a very different time as ours, still focuses on what is good and true. A secluded life—one that is not too crammed with too many people—hidden away from opinions, pressures, the lure of being engaged in activities that steal from your energy and life. To be in nature and feel the beauty and calm. To have time to take a nap, to actually read a book straight through and ponder it, to listen to or play music—to have time and focus to really love one’s neighbor—and not make excuses for why you have to hurry away. This is what he considers a happy life. I am inclined to agree.

My own life speaks to me every day, all day long of the should, the things I could do and need to work on, the demands that are just outside my door that I might be able to fulfill. But, I resist. Say no, and am choosing to do things that are releasing, deeply refreshing to me as a way of life. I don’t want to miss what is important—and being in the moment is important.

I will be jostling in a small car with pies, peas, potatoes, cranberry sauce, and stuffing for two hours to Sarah’s house where I will get to kiss, hug, and play with my grandchildren on Thanksgiving day. I plan on eating too much—spending as much time as I can kissing and playing—and it will be the most important thing I do this week.

Praying you will have some quiet cups of tea, amidst your week and remember that you are quite precious and loved just as you are.

Guilt Destroys; Grace Heals & Podcast with Misty

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“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?”

Romans 2:4

Daily, I look for ways to develop peace and quiet in my heart amidst the constant demands of life and the ever present people who live with me. The canal near my home is a favorite place I walk to restore this peace of heart from which I respond to others. Isn’t it beautiful? The older I am the more I see my inadequacies, selfishness and propensity to behave in an immature way. It has led me to have more mercy, compassion, and patience with others, especially my children—that which I so need and desire.

I love this verse—It shows the real nature of our Godl—he shows riches of kindness, tolerance and patience—and it is His kindness that leads us to repent.”

Understanding this will change your heart and from there, change your behavior to others. When you know how much you long for someone to be patient with you, and how soothing and heart opening it is for others to be kind, patient with you—it will change your attitude and behavior towards your children.

A young mom sat across the table from me, steaming coffee in hand, head bowed. “I just don’t know what to do,” she said. “My child just won’t obey. Her toys are always spread all over the house, even though I tell her to clean them up. She won’t go to bed when I tell her to. And every time she refuses to obey, I get more and more angry. There was a lot of yelling in my house when I was little, and I hated it. But now …” she shook her head, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I’m doing the exact same thing I hated so much. Yelling! And I can’t figure out how to stop. I’m an awful mom! And the guilt is just overwhelming. Maybe I shouldn’t have ever had children.”

I shook my head and reached my hand across the table to cover hers. “No. That’s just not true,” I reassured her. “I know what it’s like to lose your temper. All mothers get frustrated and lose their patience from time to time. No one likes out of control anger or yelling—parents or children. But being frustrated at your child is normal. It doesn’t mean you are a failure—you know from your experience that it is wrong to yell our of anger!”

But, the more you can mother from rest, peace, a grid that has experienced God’s grace and unconditional love, the less you will feel defeated, the more your child will learn how to respond to you.

I wish someone had told me when I was younger how often I’d fail, be tempted to feel guilty, have a feeling that it was all up to me—and how useless that feeling would be to me, long-term! Today, Misty Krasawski and I are talking about how finding grace in our lives and extending that grace to our children brings healing to our hearts —and theirs! Do our children know from experience that it is our kindness, tolerance and patience that will lead them to repentance? I hope you’ll enjoy our conversation.

Thoughts On Considering the Five Senses as Thanksgiving Week Approaches!

As I prepared to leave Colorado, one surprising day, there was a gentle snow and our neighborhood deer pausing in our yard to eat up all the plants! And to give me sheer pleasure at the scene. The thrill of changing seasons, holidays upon us filled my heart with anticipation. I actually love Thanksgiving! A gathering of our family and friends, eating, celebrating life, and taking time to notice the amazing grace and gifts God has bestowed upon all of us.

This Thanksgiving, you are investing eternal memories into the soul of your children that will feed them the rest of their lives. Thanksgiving is a marvelous, magical time that is filled with fond memories and cherished traditions. Over and over, my children tell me it was the feasts, traditions, rhythms that speak to them of our close ties and community that we all share now! This is a holiday in which all of our senses are involved in the memory-making process on this one very special holiday that we so look forward to every year.

Physical:

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service."

-1 Timothy 1:12

In our home, the bustling of family members getting involved in the hospitality process makes Thanksgiving so much fun.  This year we will be spread apart from one another, but hopefully soon, we will gather together as a family and celebrate together.

Remind your children what a great delight to you to have such a great team and what an honor it is to be a part of such a great working team. Tell them the work of beauty of a feast and the life of the day would not be complete and full without their help and personal touches. What a gift to be a part of a family sharing togetherness.   On Thanksgiving, through using our hands to make pies, set tables, decorate, or hold hands during prayer, the things we touch and cultivate as a family turn into life-long memories.

Sight:

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

-1 Thessalonians 5:18

I know that for many of you sweet mamas, burdens and hard work come along with the turkey, pies, and memories. Remember that your hard work is so worth it because you are creating visions for your children to behold that will shape who they are forever. Take a deep breath, relax, and allow yourself to look around and take it all in, seeing with your own eyes the value and worth of your labors. The beautiful table, the delicious meals, and most importantly, the smiles on the faces of your family should be your visual reminder that it is all worthwhile.

Taste:

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

It is a beautiful gift that God allows us to taste. Not only is our food nourishment, but it is a way for us to bond over something so wonderful that fills us with joy. I know my family is very thankful for flavors of many kinds that bring so much variety to our taste buds and warmth to our souls. The meals you make this Thanksgiving will not be ordinary-they will be creating the palate of memories that enchant your children's taste buds for a very long time. (Just like the verse in Corinthians says-we shall be thankful and do all things to the glory of God. This includes our feasting!)

Smell:

"And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." -Ephesians 5:2

Is it just me, or does it seem that people tend to gravitate and crowd around the kitchen once the enticing aromas begin spilling from the oven? Scientists say that scent is the strongest link to memory, so do not underestimate the importance of the candles you light and treats you bake.

Hearing:

Our hunt for a Christmas tree and the decorating of it always happens on this weekend and so we begin with a mug of something hot and then adventure out into the wilds of Christmas tree land.

"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." -Romans 10:17

Your Thanksgiving day will be filled with many sounds, some joyful noises, and some possibly not so pleasant. Be intentional about the sounds of your home's Thanksgiving day. Select calming music, encourage singing, allow plenty of conversation, and be wise about what words are said, as they will remain in the hearts of our loved ones.

There is so very much to be thankful for as we prepare to embark on another Thanksgiving holiday. I hope that you have a blessed Thanksgiving day with your family and that all of your senses are delighted.

We Do What We Know Is Right: Our 24 Family Ways #21

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Way # 21 We do what we know is right, regardless of what others do or say.

Memory Verse: 

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,Nor stand in the path of sinners,Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord,And in His law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

Sometimes it is a bit humbling to have older kids. The ways they tease or roll their eyes at you can sometimes feel a little personal. Yet, as I look at all of my sweet ones, I know they are grateful for having been given foundations of ways to think, to live, and to develop their own sense of integrity. It was important to us to give them a sense of their own potential influence, self-government, and personal virtue in a very dark world. Godly influence is not won by force or authoritarianism; that sort of influence is usually lost. But it is won long-term in the way Christ won it in the lives of His disciples—by giving His life to them.

Sometimes we don't think our children are listening to our repeated in instruction. Yet, I believe training up a child “in the way he should go" is a good description of shaping brain pathways of truth and morality in the minds and even the souls of our children as they grow and mature.

One of the mantras my children heard over and over again was, "Wrong is always wrong, even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right, even if no one is doing it."

Understanding that the world is a place of compromise, yet we were called to be holy, set apart--light in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world—prepared my children to go into very challenging arenas, armed with an understanding of what the battle would become and how they would be tested.

The Ten Commandments are a great place to start--no adultery, no idols, set yourselves apart to remember God and honor Him, as well as honoring parents. Our family believes we have great freedom, yet we also have strong standards of holiness and morality because we focus on seeking to please the heart of God. The only way you can create freedom to live righteously and give wisdom in knowing how to behave in life is to teach about Jesus and His instruction every day. Only when we have pondered His words can we understand His heart towards life.

Psalm 1 is a passage I used over and over again to train my children to walk not in the counsel of their friends or the world, but to delight in the rightness of God's words in order to have a sensitive conscience to what He wanted them to do. We acted out and memorized this Psalm through verse four, and it became a picture of what a righteous person looked like in a culture that was cynical, criticizing, and compromising: the blessed man walks in the counsel of the Lord.

My children had to say "no" to certain age-inappropriate movies when we were not around. They had to learn to be the ones who would not participate in certain activities in various groups. They learned, by practicing, not to engage in looking at immoral images on the computer. We talked about it all—media, peer pressure, and various types of foolishness. We read Proverbs together many times to find wise ways of living.

Learning to be righteous is a heart issue, not a rules-memorized issue. We cannot force righteousness on our children by legalism and harshness. This only makes them want to hide from us. But instead, we nurture and cultivate a love for goodness by cultivating it in our home each day.

How have you taught your children the concept of being holy--set aside for God's purposes and glory?

Tea Time Tuesday: Delighting in Life

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Welcome to my corner of the world for this Tea Time Tuesday. I get excited all week thinking of things I want to share with you. Recently, a friend said, “I like it that your refueling ideas are natural to life—a cup of tea, a candle, music, things I can actually do right where I am! No expensive massage required or nail job.”

Today, you get a glimpse of my very first early morning tea time in my little sitting room—my very own little parlor. Every flat or home in our old suburb of Oxford has a different interior and plan for the home. In many cases, the interior, in the past over 100 years since this area was built up, has been repainted, walls knocked down, stairs carpeted or not, original windows (which makes it oh so cold) or new windows which preserves the much appreciated heat. I love seeing inside the walls of friends’ homes because it is so varied and diverse.

However, I live in a fairy house (you’ll just have to wait for another day for that story or find it on other podcasts.) Imagine that I had actually been praying I would some day live in this house when I passed it every day walking to Sarah’s to take care of Lilian as an infant—and then through a series of events, was granted my deep desire. Little did I know that I would have my very own room where I could dream, write, ponder, drink gallons of tea and coffee, share secrets with friends. And Clay has his own room just opposite mine—in other words, our bedrooms are upstairs but there are 2 small sitting rooms on the main floor—and both have fireplaces—also unheard of.

This is a view of my morning—a place that brought me great delight—someone—a fairy that I never see—keeps plants and flowers in the window boxes all year long—as you can see. I have an assortment of tiny white fairy lights in different places in my house through the year because I love them. The candles I order by the 2 dozen from Amazon (must be in a glass so the house doesn’t burn down because of me), and the tea cup was purchased in a set from my local charity shop (think Good Will). So, I was simply creating my own place of great delight.

Delight has been my ponder in several areas the past week.

The definition of delight is: Delight: A high degree of gratification or pleasure: Joy

The day I arrived in Oxford, my phone buzzed. Sarah, my daughter, was calling me from her cottage south of here. As I answered on my end, Lilian, my three year old granddaughter, yelled, “I want to talk to Queenie! Mama, let me have the phone!” She proceeded to smile from ear to ear, munched on her toast and announced, “I can’t wait to see you. When will you come? How is your leg?” (Sarah said she had been praying for me every day!”

She took pleasure in me, smiled at me, gave me all her little girl love—she delighted in me and it filled my heart with joy. This is a picture of what God desires from us—our delight in Him. I will talk about this more on my podcast today. Here is some of what you can expect:

The verse for today:

The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

Psalm 37: 23-24

Music for today with Joel Clarkson—It’s time for Christmas and advent preparation, friends.

Book for today: Tea With Jane Austen—recipes from her stories

Also, The Lifegiving Table—making potato soup for an easy dinner

Many times, I have heard women say, “Sally Clarkson is so idealistic. You can tell she is not in the trenches.” I do try to balance some of what I say—ideals and reality. I would like to speak to that a bit today—in light of delight. As I struggle around Oxford, dropping my crutches, going slower than everyone else, waking minimum 3-4 times a night from some pain of sleeping the wrong way or turning on my soar muscles, I have a choice—a practice of choices to make. I dearly want to be a blessing to my precious children. I want to take the seasons with grace. (it is part of what I wrote about in Help, I’m Drowning) Listen to the podcast for more on this subject of reality and ideals.And choosing delight.

Quote of the week: Our student collects ideas, philosophy, facts, and stories. These synthesize and become foundations of their own mental library of the world.”
― Sally Clarkson, Awaking Wonder: Opening Your Child's Heart to the Beauty of Learning

My friends, I do hope you are enjoying these Tuesdays. Let me know what you think. Sending lots of love to you precious ones and praying for you as always. Sally

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Thanksgiving: A Time For Family Traditions! (Plus Our Recipes!)

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Holiday meals are the places I love to use the china from grandmothers, that I have inherited or bought as thrift stores along the way. The glasses do not all match and a couple of the plates are chipped. I always use chargers because is spares me from so many stains on my table cloth. But mostly, it looks festive and marks the day as one to celebrate as family. Always candles and music—and the same foliage I have used for the past couple of decades.

Holidays also means I’ve enjoyed gathering women in my home for meals, retreats, Bible studies, planning sessions, and multiple let’s-just-share-a-cuppa afternoons. Years ago, some of those special friends began helping out in various ways with our ministry—creating pdfs for me to share here, organizing blog posts, setting up tables at conferences, and eventually coming up with the idea for our membership site, Life with Sally as well as helping my books come to life. They are amazing and the site we have created together is phenomenal. I get letters all the time from women who say they are pleasantly shocked and surprised the amount of wonderful ideas, recipes, book reviews, musician stories, recipes, Bible studies and so much more on our site. It would take you a very long time to find it all there is so much.

While my close friends—my team—love working together, we all believe in celebrating our own friendship and so alongside the work we always find time to share our joys and struggles, failures and successes. Friendships are a gift, and faithful friends are few and far between.

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays I so enjoy because it’s all about gratitude in the context of relationships! It is always a treat when I can gather my ministry team for a chat, and today we’re sharing a conversation about Thanksgiving traditions from our own homes. Here are a few of the recipes we mention in our conversation—I hope you enjoy it!

Though my recipe is easy, I will share it because even today in Oxford, my children said, “Mama, why are your eggs the best?”

I always make cinnamon rolls early with coffee or tea before we watch the Macy Day Parade. But with them, I serve “Sally’s Scrambled Ham and Cheese Eggs

*6 Eggs Beaten well (we do one and a half egg for each person eating—just add a bit more eggs, ham, cheese and sour cream if you are serving more.)

*chunks of Ham cut into small pieces—your preference as to how much. I used abut 3/4 a cup today.

*2/3 cup of grated white strong cheddar cheese

*2-3 tablespoons of sour cream

*several pats of butter.

Melt the butter in a skillet. Add the ham pieces to brown just a bit. Add eggs and stir constantly—(the secret to soft, not over done eggs is to keep stirring so they can cook slowly.) When they are the right consistency for your preference, remove from stove. Add the cheese and sour cream. Stir evenly through all the eggs. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve. Easy and tastes special.



Jenny’s Quick Ambrosia

2 cans mandarin oranges

2 pineapple chunks

1 jar maraschino cherries

1 bag mini marshmallows

1 container sour cream

Dump all ingredients into a bowl, stir, and serve to your very happy children and friends!



Gretchen’s Homemade Egg Noodles


3 Egg yolks
1 Whole Egg
1 tsp. Salt
2 c. Flour
3 Tbsp. Cold Water

Beat egg yolks and whole egg until very light. Beat in cold water and salt. Stir in flour and work in with hands. Divide dough into 3 parts. Roll out each piece as thin as possible (paper-thin) on light floured board or counter top. Use plenty of flour when rolling out. Let dry until dough is like chamois skin. Roll up dough as for jelly roll. With a sharp knife cut into strips of desired width (1/8" for
fine noodles.) Shake out the strips and allow to dry before using or storing

Misty’s Crockpot Mashed Potatoes

8 medium potatoes

1 cp sour cream

8 oz chive and onion cream cheese

4 Tb butter

1/4 cup chives

1 1/2 tsp salt

2 minced garlic cloves

1/2 tsp pepper

1 1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 cup thinly sliced green onion

2 slices crumbled bacon

paprika

Boil potatoes 10 minutes or until tender. Beat cream cheese and sour cream in crockpot until smooth. Beat in potatoes, adding milk as needed. Add other ingredients through onion. Dot w butter, sprinkle with paprika. Place in refrigerator. To serve, heat 3-4 hours on low. Sprinkle with bacon before serving.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

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Seek to Be Influenced by Those Who Are Excellent

Several years ago, as my son, Joel, was considering where he should go to school for training in composing and music, an older friend suggested, "Put yourself into the best school in which you can get accepted. Place yourself in the presence of the very best musicians, those who will always pull you upward in excellence, and you will find yourself becoming a more excellent musician."

His advice was absolutely perfect for Joel. There was only one school in the United States he wanted to attend, and studying there opened doors in many areas because his training was so excellent. He is now scoring and orchestrating music for PBS, for music that is being played all over the world, as well as movie scores and choral projects. Those who have influenced his education were some of the best in their field.

Similarly, when Joy attended a national competition for acting, singing, and performance, she did well and received lots of affirmation. However, a wise judge said, "Joy, you are currently a big fish in a little pond. If you desire to become really excellent in your field, you need to move to a city where others much more excellent than you will challenge you and bring up the standard of performance which you have found acceptable. Training to excellence and accountability are always the keys to growing in your skill and talent."

These two stories have propelled my children to seek to be influenced by people more excellent than themselves and because of this, their growth has been amazing. These stories are a picture of training--the process of bringing a person to an agreed standard of proficiency by practice and instruction.

Children will become excellent in character because of being instructed in what is true, excellent, right, lovely, pure, and then in becoming proficient in practicing these virtues in their lives.

A mother's glory is to be able to so imprint the soul of her children, that they become strong morally, emotionally, spiritually, and in the practical physical skills of life. Yet, training must be intentional, with very specific goals in mind.

Jesus desires that we send our children into the world as lights in the darkness, and as salt--the savory spice of life to those longing for truth, for life to make sense, for forgiveness and redemption. Yet, as we look at the landscape of culture, it seems that Christians have been somewhat powerless to influence it much. Many believers are passive and think their job is just to get by without engaging in "corrupt" issues of life--to withdraw from culture. But Jesus says, "I do not pray that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one." He wants there to be such light, beauty, faith, confidence in our children, as we have prepared them to be warriors for His kingdom, that they go into life, ready to make an impact for His kingdom, ready to stay strong, instead of being rendered powerless or ineffectual because of lack of training.

We Choose to be Gracious: Our 24 Family Ways #20

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WAY # 20: We choose to be gracious, even when we do not feel like it! 

Memory Verse:

"Let love of the brethren continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

Deep-throated shouting, the shrill screams of a woman, dust flying, and crowds running to see the spectacle left the terrified woman fearing for her life. The group of irate Pharisees drove before them a woman caught in adultery, and were attempting to test Jesus to see just how liberal He was--to see if He would defy the law and extend His hand of grace to a woman waiting to be killed by the stoning the law required.

Perhaps this woman was poor and had stooped to make money the wrong way. Perhaps she was abused, or deeply wounded and lonely. Maybe she was just selfish and caught in lust. But, amidst the crowd of screaming, jeering people, she must have felt terror, shame, fear, and grief all at once.

Jesus, the God who had formed her, looked into her eyes, saw her heart, knew all of her days and acts, and knew her deep need for forgiveness. I imagine Him giving His hand to her to pull her off the ground after everyone had left, helping her brush the dust off of her garment. And then, He extended a gentle but authoritative voice of graciousness.

"Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either." John 8: 10-11

Jesus, the perfect one, who "while we were yet sinners, died for us." Jesus, who, "although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God to be grasped." Jesus, "while being reviled, did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God."

When Jesus looks into the eyes of my heart, He invites me in--to know His love, His wisdom, His truth, His admonition, His correction. Always, He is gentle and meek, as that is His way. Being in His presence does not make me want to sin more; quite the opposite. His example of dignifying me and all of His children by seeking us out, redeeming us, being gentle and long-suffering with us, causes me to want to be more righteous, more sacrificial, more generous, more of a servant. His life transforms me. But His entire life was one of gracious behavior.

How many people are in our lives who have felt the sting of condemnation, criticism, and abuse—and we might be the only ones who show them the gentle, gracious, humble love of God?

When we teach our children to be gracious, we are teaching them:

*Not to judge but to see themselves as those who extend the supernatural forgiveness of God

*Accepting the awkward parts of your loved ones personality or immaturity by giving gestures of love

*Not to think about themselves but others

*To have self-control over their emotions--to choose to be gracious as a part of the values that inform their behavior

*How to face the world as Jesus did--not as a legalistic Pharisee, but as the servant King

When someone is thoughtful or honoring of me, it ministers to me greatly. In a world of cynicism, quick judgement on social media, and a world of back-biting and gossip, the graciousness of God which honors a person because God has honored them, is transforming and will draw others to Christ.

And so, we treat our children with respect, serve them in humility, and choose to use honorable words with them as well as our husbands and friends, because when they learn this attribute of God, they will become those who win the souls of others who are so longing for someone to validate their worth.

This is something we practice and grow in. If you are like me, you blow it and lose your patience. But God Himself, humble, bowing His knee in the dirty ground, asks us to do as He did. The more I practice and ponder this attribute of His behavior, the more amazed I am that He would ever forgive me--but in knowing His gentle, dignified and generous honoring of His very own children, I have come to love Him more and appreciate my salvation more deeply because I understand each day how much I do not deserve it.

May God give each of us the strength today to behave in a gracious way, so that the world may see what Jesus is like through us every day.