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Way #23
We exercise self-control at all times and in every kind of situation.
Memory Verse:
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." -Proverbs 29:11
As many of you know, my daughter Joy recently received her PhD from Saint Andrews. However, in my podcast yesterday, I talked about the most important way that she was able to acquire her PhD. It wasn’t about being brilliant or superior to her peers.
But it was about the character quality of being self governed, practicing faithfulness, learning to work hard and thoroughly as a young child. Steadfast work and self government to keep going is at the heart of all great accomplishments.
A sweet mom recently came over for tea and said she felt like pulling her hair out. (Don't we all at times?)
When she described her situation, I understood that she was afraid to train or discipline her children at all for fear they would not like her, so she rarely required an honorable response from them. This resulted in some quite stressful and chaotic times in their home.
Often, moms allow unruly behavior, calling their lack of response “grace”. Yet children who are not directed or taught to practice becoming stronger little by little, ruling over their impulses actually become unhappy and frustrated with themselves. Getting their own way all the time does not satisfy a child's longing for security and self- control..
.Self-government is defined this way: a person learning to command his impulses, build good habits, healthy emotions, working hard to form a strong intellect, and talents, and rule over his will in a productive way. We can all grow stronger in this way, bit by bit.⠀ Children can begin this at a very early age, and I have found this skill to be of utmost importance to adults, too, as one cannot be a mature believer unless one has mastered self-government, self-control, and patience--or at least be growing in that direction!
The idea behind self-government is that all of us have power and authority over our own lives. This power comes from within, and can help us master problems, surmount obstacles, and achieve great things. Self-government doesn’t mean working out life all on our own effort, without the power of God, but instead affirms that we have a moral character that can be strengthened by our will, through practice. The person who has cultivated this kind of strong character is useful and productive in every area of life.
This quality helps a believer exercise faith, courage, and perseverance in the midst of trials. It is what helps a pianist to practice long hours, an athlete to exercise rigorously in order to become a champion, a missionary to master a language and remain faithful in a foreign country until there is a multiplying ministry, a wife to bear up with grace when married to an immature husband, a mother to continue over and over to practice patience with a sick or rebellious child. It is the unseen power of governing life by mature, faith-based choices as opposed to temporary, self-centered feelings.
Self-governing isn’t the natural default of a child’s behavior, of course. We taught it to our children intentionally. We can see the biblical principle for self-government in this passage from Deuteronomy: “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants.” (Deuteronomy 30:19)
God tells the Israelites to obey Him, and if they do, they will be blessed. If they don’t obey, they will be cursed–there were consequences to their decisions. In life all choices have consequences. Our children need to understand that they will reap what they sow.
I used to say to my children over and over again: “Daddy and I cannot make you into great people. You have the power to determine how strong you become by how you exercise your will. We can train you and teach you how to be good and how to be righteous, but you have to decide to obey, and you have to decide that you want to become a person of godly character. God made you such a wonderful child, so I hope you will decide to do your best to become all that you can be. It is in your hands. It is yours to decide to respond correctly, but I am praying and hoping that you will.”
When we appeal to our children’s hearts for excellence and choices of good behavior, then we are giving them the will and desire to be excellent for themselves. Their desire comes from within and their motivation is from the heart. But if we train them behaviorally by always forcing them to do what we want them to do because they might get a spanking or some other kind of threatened discipline if they don’t, their motivation is to avoid spanking or harshness, not to please God or to please their parents by having a good heart and responding in obedience.
My desire as a mom is that my children would internalize all the precepts we have taught them over the years. I want them to love God and obey Him because they earnestly love Him and desire to please Him. This foundation will carry them throughout all the decision-making processes they will face for the rest of their lives.
If you have the desire to go deeper today, feel free to complete the reflection and application below:
• "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants.” Deuteronomy 30:19
It’s our job as mamas to set before our children life and death—and to encourage them to choose life! What are you doing to draw your children toward life?
• “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.” Proverbs 25:28
What a frightening picture this was at the time this scripture was written! A city without walls had no protection; no vantage point to watch for enemies; no means of defense. And so we are, when we have no self-control. Is self-control an area in your own life that could use some work? How can you build your own “city walls”?
Education of morals, habits, character and faith determine the foundations upon which a life will be built. Strong foundations lend themselves to vast structures. Make a plan today about how you will build those foundations into your own life and that of your children!
