What Does it Mean to Share the Family Table?

“Share!” It’s a common refrain in most homes, and we said it often enough in our own. We need our children to share toys, rooms, space in the back seat, etc. etc. Sharing at the table, however, is a different experience than any of these …

Sharing food is an intimate human act. Sharing something from our plate at the dinner table, sharing a favorite entrée at a restaurant, sharing the last granola bar while lost in the woods—each is an interpersonal exchange involving a complex mix of feelings. Children know this instinctively. Just think of a cookie-possessed child asked to share with a cookie-deprived child. Whatever the response, it’s easy to see the complex forces at work in the interaction.

Obviously, the lifegiving table model involves sharing of this kind. We pass around the serving dishes, and we make sure that each person is fed. But this intimate act of sharing is actually an invitation to a much more significant one—the sharing of ourselves. In the same way that we give and receive portions of food to feed our bodies, we can also give and receive portions of our hearts to feed our spirits—hopes, fears, joys, failures, loves, desires, wonders, faith, victories. We share food to stay alive physically. We share hearts to stay alive emotionally and spiritually.

But there is a catch. Opening our hands to share food comes much more naturally and easily to most of us than opening our hearts to share our spirits. We need quite a bit more encouragement, it seems, to share our hearts, even at the table. The gathering helps. The blessing helps. The act of sharing good food and drink definitely helps. All of these experiences can set the stage. But the kind of interpersonal sharing that is truly lifegiving usually requires something more.

Through four decades of life and ministry in all sorts of groups and all variety of tables, we have become very aware of how this dynamic works. Sharing spiritually from open hearts around a table almost never happens unless someone in the group is intentional and initiating. Someone has to lead the way, to begin the act of sharing and to prompt others to share as well.

This is similar but not really the same as initiating conversation with “icebreaker” questions. The point is not just to let people get acquainted by giving out random facts, but to encourage the sharing of stories. People, after all, are not static collections of information; they are stories waiting and wanting to be told. Our stories are what define us and help to locate us within the greater story of what God is doing in us and in the world—the slow but steady progress of the Kingdom spreading across all creation. The more each person is able to see their life in that context, the more they will find hope, exercise faith, and risk love.

Read more in The Lifegiving Table!

Tea Time Tuesday: Diligence Builds Legacy

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 “Tea is one of the main stays of civilization in this country.”  – George Orwell

Miss Teacup and I were sitting on my couch one rainy day this week and we reminisced about celebration breakfasts we had enjoyed over the year. The occasion could be birthday, a holiday but we made a big deal of our momentous occasions and stored up a million memories over tea, coffee and feasting. Often, the meals were on our deck facing the forested areas surrounding our home and with a view towards the distant mountains. Such delight and celebration with our most beloved “people.” 

Our home life was not always picture perfect, but always full of color, taste, sound, friendship, beauty, life — I got tickled when I looked back at this photo today. Count how many designs of tea cups or mugs you can see on the table, a glorious and fun mess — obviously everyone had their favorite cups.

Joel is our chef for making the best breakfast for dinners — hash browns, scrambled cheese, sour cream eggs, turkey bacon and either homemade cinnamon rolls or as in the photo, a fresh doughnut from a new shop in town. We licked up every crumb.

Thanks for praying for my eye; special lens was attached to my eye — think of a permanent contact lens — to help me gain some of my vision back. I think it is helping a little bit, far sight is better. My eyes and brain are trying to coordinate. Funny thing is that when I close one eye to see what I see, it sees things in color, green leaves — when I close the other eye, it sees brown for the color, so some color loss but over all better sight. Thanks for praying. It is not natural for some of us to be vulnerable. 

So much more on the podcast: music, lentil soup recipe, 2 books to read for yourselves, stories about Frank Lloyd Wright and also Mozart. Blessings and blessings to all of you today.

“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

A Heart for Serving Others: 10 Gifts of Heart 5:1

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For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but
to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.
MARK 10:45

Serving others, when it becomes a habit, becomes an art form that can bring great pleasure and a sense of accomplishment to us and our families. When I hosted leadership intensives in my home over the years to train women how to reach out and minister to others, I found that the response to my messages was so much more heartfelt when I served those who came with a fun, lovely meal. Even a sandwich tray becomes a feast when offered to one who finds that hospitality was just what they needed—the loving care of someone else given to them.

Here is a story I have often told that taught my boys to be givers, lovers, those who would reach out.

Even though the rain slowed me down, my heart was in a hurry as we pulled up to a stoplight in Nashville. That’s when we all saw the weather-beaten man on the curb holding up a rain-soaked sign. It was just Joel, 7, and Nathan, 5, in the backseat, and we were
running late for their weekly music lessons. My anxious heart thumped to the rhythm of the windshield wipers as I waited for the green light to go. I quickly glanced at the bedraggled figure standing outside our car. No. I couldn’t stop today. Not today. There simply wasn’t time.
“Mama,” Nathan’s voice piped up from the backseat. “Look at that man in the rain. Look, he has a sign. He must be cold.”
Then Joel joined in to read the words off the soaked sign: “‘Homeless. Anything helps. God bless.’” I was still looking at the light waiting for green. “Look, Mom, he only has one leg.”
For a moment, Joel contemplated this observation with a solemn, sad little face, and then he turned to me, eyes big and urgent. I knew where this was headed. “Mom, we should help him. We should buy him a hamburger!” I glanced at my watch and scouted the busy street for any nearby fast f ood restaurants. There were none in sight. But Joel, seeing the hesitation in my face, leaned forward from the back, straining against his seatbelt. “Come on, Mom,” he urged, “he really needs our help, and you’ve told us we should always try to help the people God puts in our way.”
He was right. Clay and I were always telling our kids to keep their eyes open for the people God might put in their lives who needed their help or kindness. We wanted our kids to see themselves as servants, to have a self-perception as givers. I couldn’t argue with Joel’s impulse to give. I decided that today music lessons would simply have to wait and I rolled down my window.

I hope you’ll join me on the podcast today, to hear the rest of this story! You can also read about it here …

Those Days When You Just Want To Escape...

 If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

C. S. Lewis

I am a restless sort. I am probably not responsible at heart. Committed and loving is my go to and that takes me a long way—yet sometimes I get lost in this world of duty and shoulds,

Occasionally the responsibilities overwhelm and the gypsy in me longs for adventure, beauty, wildness, wind on my face, escape from all that is mundane,

maybe sitting on a beach in the dark of night listening to the waves crashing and splashing on the shore

sleeping as late as I want to and then just languishing in bed with no one to ask me when I am going to get up.

or watching the night stars on a clear moonlit night in the cool of the mountains, and a longing that won't go away

a longing for something I cannot exactly define,

fills my heart with yearning.

Loving and serving those in my life is not compromised when I feel that "longing" for a place that is not this place, no matter how beautiful and lovely this place is.

This world gives shadows of what we were meant to know, but as Paul says, "we see in a mirror dimly."

Is your life ever quiet enough to sense the longing for the place He is preparing, but sensing that this is not quite it?

God would not have us feel guilty for the truth of those places in our hearts where mystery swirls and sways with no defining places, no neatly wrapped package with all the answers tied up. Faith is a willingness to be in the tension of the place with no answers, and yet saying in our heart, "I will hold fast even when I don't see or know."

Eternity in our souls--it was placed there by Him, the Creator; we were made for another world. Because He never wanted us to love this world that will pass away, to be so rooted here that we didn't want to leave--

but to remember what He said,

"My kingdom is not of this world."

Do you ever feel that longing and ache for what is not here but will be?

Lifegiving Planning With Your Family

Do you enjoy planning? As a creative girl, I don’t always appreciate the idea of planners and I certainly don’t schedule every moment of my day (or month or year or or or!!!!) Yet spending time pondering and praying over dreams and visions for the future does capture my attention and help me hone my focus for the important things. We even taught our children to make plans for their days, early on …

As our family grew—with Sarah born in 1984, Joel in 1986, Nathan in 1989, and Joy in 1995—we increasingly made numbering our children’s days a priority of our parenting. We still tried to have our weekly planning breakfasts, but overseas ministry, numerous moves, and then living out in the country forced us to be more creative about planning. Whenever and however it happened, though, we tried to plan weekly for the spiritual influence and training of our children’s lives. It was a priority in the patterns and practices of our parenting and family life. We also took time out around September or January each year, sometimes as a weekend getaway, to plan for the year ahead—for us and our children.

Our children would take part in the planning too. When they reached an age where they were able make a list of some kind (I allowed a lot of latitude in list making), we would involve them in setting their own goals. We never wanted our children to become passively dependent on us to number their days for them. Rather, we wanted to model for them how to begin thinking about their own lives and how to follow our example in setting goals for themselves. We deliberately avoided making it an onerous duty and enforcing list completion by certain times; instead, we modeled goal making as a positive and fun thing to do.

Each child approached planning differently. We didn’t insist on one right way but simply enjoyed seeing each of them get involved and excited about planning their lives in ways that made sense to them and reflected their own personality preferences. Whatever they did, and however they did it, we would delight in their goals and affirm their efforts. We focused on the children’s work, not just the product of their work. Sally and I were still mostly the ones who were numbering our children’s days, but we were also teaching them the first steps in acquiring the habits and skills they would use as young adults to develop a “heart of wisdom” through following the guidance of Moses’ prayer.

We considered planning for each child’s spiritual life and char- acter development—practices and qualities of their relationship and life with God—to be distinct from planning for their schooling and activities. We would help them develop their own personal goals for Bible reading, Scripture memorization, and prayer, and plan times to do them. We could create charts of varying sizes, colors, and complexity, depending on their age, to help them keep track of their consistency and progress. We used a variety of methods to help them be faithful with chores and meeting other character-development goals.

When they reached their teens, although we would engage in planning and spiritual life discussions with them, we began to trust them to make their own plans for their days and for growing in wisdom with God. For our family, we saw the process of planning with our children as a relational, dynamic, and organic process, not as just a task or procedure to be accomplished.

Numbering our children’s days was the first lifegiving practice we initiated in our home. It brought the life of God into our midst in very practical and practicable ways for our children. As they began to think about their own goals and how they could follow God and grow in wisdom to please Him, they began to think in terms that brought the reality of God who is “our dwelling place in all generations” (Psalm 90:1) into their own place of dwelling and their own generation. We were training them to think of God not just as an impersonal source of truth to be known or maker of rules to be followed, but also as the living God in whom they would find real life and develop a real relationship.

Tea Time Tuesday: Do Not Despair

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“Tea! Bless ordinary everyday afternoon tea!” – Agatha Christie

Miss Tea Cup and I have been talking about how most of life is lived in the ordinary:, the daily chores, sleeping, eating, cleaning, working. Yet, it is the rhythms of grace in the ordinary that keeps us going with delight. Today, the sun came out for a glorious couple of hours and we sat together on my bench outside my house and drank in the warmth. Chatting together, we had hope for spring coming around the corner.

Sunlight, a very ordinary treasure on many days in summer, becomes an amazing gift when you have not had it for a while--winter seems it will never end, but sunshine comes and promises that the long season of winter—be it in the earth, in our hearts, in our lives,, blossoms stick their lovely heads above the ground and remind us that fresh seasons are ahead.

Rhythms that fill my cup along the minutes of the ordinary days are:

The 30 minutes of reading in the mornings, with tea!

My morning walks--for most of my whole adult life—an every day practiced rhythm, even when my children were small.

My music that follows me all day—all sorts to fit my mood..

The afternoon 20 minutes of teatime in my home with whoever is there, over conversation, brings a lifetime of every day friendship with so many, won in small daily slots of stopping, breathing and enjoying..

The candlelit, music adorned nightly meal at the family table. Goodnight blessing and “I love yous.” We have defense from depression and darkness by the ordinary rituals we keep.

I have been enjoying a new channel on Spotify when working around: Calming Acoustic

Sarah and her 3 precious ones came for 2 days and we celebrated every minute. Lilian, as the oldest, sleeps with Clay and me. She starts out on a little palet on the floor--and sometime during the night, she awakens and crawls into bed with me. Four o'clock found me deeply asleep when a little warm body squished as close as she could, pulled the blankets (mine) and blankies (hers) over her head. Then a little hand groped for mine--"Hold hands!" she announced.

Sweetest moment well worth the wake-up--falling asleep soon after, but holding hands--lasted most of the night.

So much more—you’ll have to listen to the podcast! Umbrellas, spiritual trends in America, a new book, The Resilient Pastor, a chat with Pastor Glenn Pakiam. I decided I could slip in one more Tea Time Tuesday! I am off to surgery in a few hours. Happy Tuesday.

“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.”

Pope John Paul II


Crisitina Odone: Director of The Family Policy At The Centre for Social Justice

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A MOTHER’S PRAYER— Father of Encouragement Thank you for taking the time to show love to your disciples by affirming and encouraging them. Help us remember that, following your example, our well-aimed words will carry life to the hearts of our children. Teach us to extol their positive characteristics whenever we can and to resist the temptation to use words only for correction. Give us lips that speak grace and that show the heart of your love through the things we say. Amen”
― Sally Clarkson, Ministry of Motherhood

As a young mother, I searched scripture, read dozens of books and sought to figure out what God had in mind when He designed motherhood. Understanding that this was one of the most strategic and far reaching roles for women to fulfill captured my imagination and I have spent much of the rest of my life pursuing ways to inspire others to understand and live into this profound role. One of my great privileges in working international arenas is that I have the opportunity to meet amazing leaders who, by God’s grace and design, have the same passion for the same messages as me. To see how these messages are universally on the hearts of many all over the world encourages me so very much.

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of visiting the Centre for Social Justice Think Tank in Westminster, (Downtown London near Buckingham Palace, 10 Downing Street, Parliament and Westminster Abbey).

This flourishing think tank tackles all sorts of issues facing families today. Their interests are quite comprehensive. Connecting with other charities, and missional organizations and extends their work to all walks of life in the UK, including education, family, parenting and motherhood, which of course are my favorite topics.

I met with a very kindred spirit, Cristina Odone, an Italian-British journalist, editor, and author who serves as the Director of Family Policy at The Centre for Social Justice, is the Founder and Chair of the Parenting Circle Charity, and the former Editor of The Catholic Herald. I knew I wanted to have her join me on a podcast so that you could hear her story.

I hope you will enjoy our conversation on my podcast today.

Tableology: What Does It Mean to Eat Together?

As we all face yet another world crisis and are tempted to despair, how important it is that we lead our home, our conversations, our relationships in the direction of holding fast to the goodness of God, to cultivate close community in order to provide a sense of stability and hope. We are the conductors of the reality of God’s true attributes as we gather around our family table with intentionality. Countless surveys show that families who eat together provide emotional stability and a sense of well being. Gather together in peace and love today.

Reclaiming the Family Table

The story of the Clarkson family has been written at tables. Not with pen and paper, but with words and people, food and fellowship, talk and time. Whatever kind of table it might be—breakfast, lunch, dinner; picnic or deck; plain or fancy; small, tall, wood, metal, or rock; bare or cloth-covered; even the ground—it becomes our family table when we sit down together to eat and drink and be and belong. The delightful fruits of God’s creation we share together fill and fuel us as God’s life- breathed and image-bearing creatures, and our shared story grows from the table’s Spirit-infused life coming alive in us.

I believe that’s true for all of us.
When we sit at our tables, we’re not just an aggregate of individual family members eating and drinking to stay alive; we’re a congregation of communing souls hungering and thirsting to experience the goodness and beauty of the life God has designed just for us. Even the simplest supper, meal, snack, or teatime can become, in some way, a feast—a lavish celebration of the living God’s life and goodness. It’s not just about the physical act of eating, but about sharing and enjoying life as God designed and gave it to us. That is the essence of the lifegiving table.

Now you may be thinking, That doesn’t sound like any table where my family sits. We’re doing well just to get four kids sitting in chairs, with cereal and milk in bowls, all at the same time. Most of the “life” at our breakfast table comes from a family-size cereal box. Maybe you see yourself among the growing number of families who eat fewer meals together at home, spend less time at the table when they do, and consume less real food made at home and more manufactured or take-out food made somewhere else by some unknown makers.

The unfortunate reality of modern American culture is that it has robbed too many homes of the once central role of the table in family life and has stolen the goodness of eating real, home cooked foods. When asked, most parents will respond that of course it’s important for families to eat regular meals together. At the same time, many will sheepishly admit that they don’t. If there is life to be found at the table today, it is life that must be intentionally rescued and reclaimed from its cultural exile.

Tea Time Tuesday: Strength & Hope Amidst Adversity

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"A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Miss Teacup and I pondered many difficult things this week in a challenging time in history. Yet, as I read about Eleanor Roosevelt yet again, I realized that she was a woman who had experienced adversity most of her life and yet showed women how to live resiliently. Her parents died when she was young and she experienced so much time alone. Her husband, President Roosevelt, had an affair early in her marriage—again, loneliness and darkness of the soul. So, she knew what she was talking about when she said, “You never know how strong a woman is until she is in hot water.”

When you are squeezed, what comes out? This is the theme of this week because it has been my ponder.

But, as always, I gather beauty and joy in my life every day as an act of standing against adversity, so I will share some of that with you.

A new favorite: Eggs Royale—like eggs Benedict only with salmon instead of ham or bacon or spinach—though you could probably pile all of these on and it would be tasty. Early morning breakfast with one of my girls challenged me to try it! And now I am a fan!

London Fog Earl Gray tea: make your tea strong, and let it steep. (I even do this with my Yorkshire Gold). Add a half teaspoon of vanilla, use sugar as you usually do, and then cover the tea with foam as in a cappuccino. I love to make my tea this way when I have more time or I want to treat myself.

I share many thoughts this week about my eye accident, why I am having surgery, and what I have learned over many years of how to become a dependable and wise warrior in this broken world. So much more, but I must off and make dinner for my hungry tribe before we have dinner guests and then my women’s weekly Bible study. Won’t you join us? All are welcome. :)

And know, above all, you are in my heart and I pray for each of you daily. Sending my love—and my wishes for you to have some good moments of tea and peace.

Graciousness & Thoughtfulness: The Heart of Manners (10 Gifts)

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Recently, I was in London for a meeting and my path led me to cross by a very trained mannerly horse. I merely said, “Hi, you beautiful creature at which point, the horse bent down and kissed my hand (and nibbled on it for a minute. Of course the reality is, I just wanted to share this fun moment with you.)

But truly, this horse did not flench, just went back to his normal stance of dignity.

From Rhymes for Kindly Children

“A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot...” ― 

Robert A. Heinlein

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Fred Astaire

Not long ago, I was taking a train to Sarah’s house for the first time since I had my hip surgery. Still a bit precarious on my feet, I was a bit concerned about how I would climb up and down the platforms of the train stations. Because of Covid and loss of train staff, I had to take 4 trains instead of two and had more barriers to cross than normal. I just did not want to fall and create havoc again.

At each station, though, getting on the train and exiting onto the little narrow steps, someone offered to help me with my luggage and hold my arm! I was so pleasantly surprised and actually wondered if they were actually angels. But, nonetheless, their thoughtfulness of me, the way they each helped me as a course of life spoke volumes to me of how trained each one had been—the idea of serving

Contrasting this, rude behavior can also reveal my heart and surprise me with how ready I am to feel badly--even by a stranger's words.

Recently, I was standing in line quietly at Walmart to pick up some medicine. A surly young woman, looked up and glared at me, pointed her finger in my face and said,

"Hey lady! Hey you!  Move back to that fire extinguisher. We don't want you hanging round here so close. It bothers us. Just wait for your turn back behind the fire extinguisher! Go on now!"

Inside, I immediately felt offended by her manner of speaking condescendingly to me and the outright demand she made out-loud in front of a crowd with no sense of graciousness. Her words and attitude accosted my heart. It took me by surprise to react so quickly to someone I had never met.

I wonder if this is how children feel when a mama goes off on them when they are totally unsuspecting.

Probably, this happens to all of us far too often.Each stranger had an impact on my heart, but each made a choice of how they would relate.

I realized how, living in a whole culture that was surly, inconsiderate or dishonoring to people, where people cut in on the freeway, and all sorts of other brow beating incidents,  cultivates hostility. If indeed this incident had taken me by surprise and created a reaction---and I am a believer trying to be loving in my responses--then surely on a larger scale, it would cultivate an atmosphere of casual  disrespect and inconsiderate behaviors of others-which leads to broken or callous relationships on the whole.

Old fashioned manners, honor and respect were drilled into me daily when I was young, and so I drilled it into my own children. Even more important, though, is giving a vision, a self-image to ourselves and our children that we want to be gracious, kind, thoughtful, helpful, patient, considerate because Christ was all of these things. Graciousness—respect , thoughtfulness and kindness mixed together, deeply touches the hearts of those who feel it given to them. .

"You need to honor those older than you."

"Make a choice to treat people as though they have worth and use friendly voices and faces."

"Give all people respect as it makes them feel dignified and opens their hearts."

Over and over again we repeated our 24 ways, our desires, correction and modeling graciousness until it became a part of my children's pathways of thinking in each situation.

Jesus bowed his knee to serve every person who came his way--women, prostitutes, children, lepers, tax collectors,  so that His actions gave each person He met worth. There is great dignity in relationships when people learn the ways of graciousness.

However, I fear it is too quickly becoming a lost value. The more we devalue God's values--and dishonor the value of children, the great value of elders and wise older women, and embrace euthanasia,  the more we feel free to criticize everyone in office with no  sense of reverence or culpability towards God, the more we demean the value Jesus gave all human beings. Lack of graciousness is a downward spiral toward the degeneration of all relationships.

When honor is gone, there is no basis for strength or integrity in relationship.

Our sense of graciousness to others, will build our own humility and desire to see God's great worth and holiness.

If a child is not taught that some relationships are holy in nature, worthy of respect and graciousness, then they will have no place in their minds to understand the holy nature of God, and our need to honor and give Him worth through all the ways we behave in life.

How do we train our children to be gracious?

*We give them verses to memorize:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31 Then we constantly train and instruct. "Is that the way you would like to be treated? What makes you feel important in the eyes of others? (Stop what you are doing and look someone right in the eyes. That tells them they have great value to you.)

*Teach your children to speak graciously to others.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (one of my favorite training verses.) And then we say, "How could you have said that more graciously? Did you consider how to respond to everyone so that they would be encouraged?

*Before you have guests to your home, (or before you go to someone else's home for a meal), you train, train, train.

"Greet each person who comes to our home in a way that will tell them we are happy to have them. Learn to ask at least one question to everyone who comes so they will know you care.  Please tell the mama who cooked the meal, "thank you for having us," because she will know you appreciate her.

*Give little immediate instructions.—Train as you go

"Open the door for people before they walk through when you can." Give up your chair to others older and and others more in need of a chair than yourself." "If you see someone who is being left out of a game, try to find a way to include them."

Graciousness is a constant mindset that says, "I am the mercy of Christ to those in need.”

I am the respect of Christ to others who need to know their worth. I am the loving words of Jesus to those who need to hear life-giving words."

When a child grows up developing this kind of graciousness as they go, they will have it as a treasure the rest of their lives. And of course, it goes without saying, that graciousness begins with the way you treat your children--remember, we choose to be gracious to our children even when we do not feel like it!"

We had many conferences, meetings, dinners where our children had to learn to wait on us and to be gracious with good attitudes in their waiting. But training them over and over and over again, gave them a self-image that they were called to become ambassadors for Christ in their worlds, and that is started with honor and gracious giving of themselves to others.

Training in graciousness has opened jobs for my children, scholarships, opportunities of all sorts. Having a value to honor and attend to others has caused others to want to work with them.

Eyes, voice and attitude were the ways we spoke of practically showing graciousness to others.

How have you trained your children to become a picture of the graciousness of God to others?

May someone treat you graciously today!