To be a good wife calls upon all the best that I can possibly be--my spirituality, intellect, wisdom, relational skills, creativity, artistry, perseverance, character, and beauty. It seems that in this narcissistic time, when people are self-centered and self-absorbed, all of life focuses on the selfish needs of the person concerned. Is my husband gratifying me? Does his love fill me up?
But, marriage, like all issues of life, is really about pleasing God, not my will but His be done. Most of us were not trained to be unselfish and so having to do so in marriage is a shock and surprise to our immature characters. And of course media has not prepared us for reality--bills, illness, less than perfect spouses, differences of values and personalities and commitments. Cinderella is a story, not a promise of the way life goes. The key to owning your life through a successful marriage is the way you face the difficulties where expectations and reality are not the same thing--it is where love, grace, beauty and wisdom have a place to flourish.
Many well-intentioned ministries and speakers focus on the behavior of marriage (“Are you being submissive to your husband?”) which indeed is part of scripture’s direction. But I think the better place to start is not with the behavior--”Have you kept the law of marriage?” but with the center of marriage; the heart. What is your heart toward marriage, your husband, and the legacy you will leave to your children?
God has entrusted you to a great identity of owning your home, owning your marriage, and finding ways to cultivate and infiltrate beauty, peace, and love. Learning how to stand on convictions and wise ways without nagging is an art to be learned. In our marriage, we are as iron sharpening iron when we live with the tension of friendship and love and are both so much better for the commitment to our ideals. As you continue to decorate, cook, or bring anything into our home, ask yourself if you are truly owning and building your home. Are your words, actions, thoughts, and motives building a home for your husband and family, or are they destructive, selfish, and tearing apart God’s design?
As women, and as wives, we have a huge responsibility from God. We are powerful, and we have the ability to bring life, beauty, and build a home that flourishes and a husband who is nurtured, or we have the power to destroy all of it with our own hands and our own words.
How can you choose to own your life when it comes to your marriage and home?