“A gentle answer turns away wrath. But harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1
Standing in the hallway of the hotel where we were hosting our mom’s conference, I noticed a sweet mama who looked as though she was at the end of her rope. Holding a several-months-old baby, who was arching his little back and crying as though his heart would break, she looked beside herself.
I offered to hold her little one so she could have a tiny break. Sure enough, he would begin to quiet and then something, probably a little gurgly tummy, would cause him to begin to wail once again. I held him up so his cheek was touching mine, with my mouth aimed toward his little ear.
Softly, I began to talk to him. Then, I sang the song I had so often sung to my own children: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” very softly and gently. He would quiet down for a few moments, and then another cry would begin. I said to him very softly, “You are not alone, you are so very precious, you are a darling boy,” lyrically, holding his soft cheek so he could feel mine. Each time my voice started, his little eyes got big and he would quiet.
Suddenly, he fell fast asleep.
Whether my children were young and tiny, or older and in a snit, if I wrapped my demeanor, by my will, in softness and gentleness and answered their anger in a gentle voice, with non-accusing eyes, they were more likely to listen to me and respond calmly.
The message I wanted to get across was, “I understand you are feeling frustrated or angry, but I want to listen to you and understand what you are saying so that I can help you.”
Angry words answered with a loud voice and accusation just adds fuel to the flame of anger. Gentleness and sympathy puts water on the fire of someone’s angry heart, and soothes the frustrated feelings.. Once I had this scripture in my head and learned to use it in many relationship situations, I saw how effective this piece of wisdom was, because all of us desire in our frustration to be honored.
There is no absolute solution or formula to calming an angry quarrel. Yet, this bit of wisdom from Proverbs has often saved the moment for my family.
A hormonal teen, an exhausted toddler, a school-aged child, or a husband who is angry—all of these, long to be treated with focused attention, an understanding heart, and a loving response.
As we all know, it is natural to react with a mirroring quality—anger to anger. However, it is from the Spirit of Him who is Love that leads us to react in love. As the Spirit lives through us, we will see His power and fruit drawing others to Him in us when we choose to remember bits of truth he has left for us to follow. A gentle answer, turns away anger. It really does!
Gentleness grows stronger with practice. It comes with humility. It grows as wisdom and takes root in the heart that values the ones she loves. May God grant us to become gentle in our love, that others may see Him through us.