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“For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?” Luke 14:28
Motherhood is a long game, a marathon. There is no quick fix to make it easy. No amount of ranting or complaining can change the fact that we live in a fallen world, a battleground for souls.
I wish I had known sooner, or better understood, or earlier admitted that I needed to accept this reality, to decide to grow up, determined to build my strength little by little. It would have saved me much emotional havoc in the long run.
If I had understood that life was a battle for allegiance to the one who is true, not an issue of choosing the right activities, best curriculum, or most promising school choice. If only I knew that sacrificing my life to God's design would be the making of my character;
To have understood that the longer I loved, served, gave myself to training my children, the more I would understand His fatherhood of me, the complete sacrifice He was willing to make for me, his own unaware, shortsighted toddler child, who was often blind to the workings of His ways, the wisdom of His voice, even as my children were often blind to my wisdom given for their sakes.
If only I had known that the miracle of my children's long term faith and love for Him was not an issue of my being righteously mature or perfect in performance, but upon my dependence for Him working according to His power and mercy over time — that He was the one who made our paltry sacrifices enough to reach the hearts of our children, because He cared more than I did about loving, redeeming my children out of darkness into His light. That all He wanted from me was to give it up to Him, to live by faith, to enjoy the gift He had given into my hands — the gift of mothering these children, living this story, seeing His miracles right before my eyes.
He said, “Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it.” (Psalm 37:5)
If only I had known, it would have saved me much emotional havoc, worry, impatience, stress. I would have lived restfully in peace, enjoyed each day more, letting Him take the weight of fretting and worry.
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