Crafting a life plan with intentionality

Dennis Miller Bunker, Roadside Cottage, 1889

"The wise woman builds her house, the foolish one with her own hands tears it down." Proverbs 14: 1

When building a house, one can build a tiny cabin or a small apartment all the way up to a large estate. I have often said to women, the building of your home--your family, legacy, children, depends on how large your vision is. The greater the vision, the bigger the task and foundation laid, and the more prominent the house. We can build a legacy as big as a condo or as far reaching as an estate--it just depends on our vision of what God wants us to do and our dependence on Him to accomplish exceedingly above and beyond what we could ask or think.

Motherhood provides us with an opportunity to build in such a way as to influence generations--literally thousands--by the life we choose to live. But, building such a legacy comes with planning. An architect planning to build must prepare his blueprints. And so it is with women. Designing a blueprint for living will insure that I am better able to know what I am building; what the cost will be; what is needed; and how long it will take to build such a home.

My daughter was talking to me the other day and said, "Mom, I don't know if most women have given themselves totally to motherhood, understanding that it will take their all--their time, body, life, moments, rights--everything, to really build a godly legacy. It seems they think their children are "taking up their time" without really realizing that God gave them children in order to provide them with an eternal work to do--that it is their best way to influence eternity, that it is the most strategic work of their lives and will outlive them."

(It is so wonderful to be at this point where I can see that these Biblical ideals and messages have gone deep into the souls of my adult children who, I hope, will have the privilege to build a godly generation in their life times.--But even this is as a result of planning what messages I wanted them to understand and know and see in our home.)

But one more part of planning that is essential to our souls--that of stepping out in faith. God wants us to attempt God-sized lives--to trust Him to do far more through our lives and our children's lives than we could ever do on our own. We give Him our very best, our fish and loaves, but then we trust Him to do a miracle, to use us as He did David, to come to our lives in the name of the Lord of Hosts and to expect Him to work in and through us because of His greatness.

I love this quotation by Teddy Roosevelt:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits, who neither enjoy much, nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory or defeat."

And so in the spirit of living in and through Him and for Him, I begin to make my plan.

Sometimes I plan for 6 months or an overall yearly plan.

Today, I felt impressed because of seasonal movements in our lives (about to be finished with my last child in home education), to really say, "How does God want me to invest my life for His kingdom in the next season and years of my life? What is my stewardship? What is on His heart for me to do?

I begin by prayer, and today was a day when I was doing more of a long term planning. "Lord, in the power of your Holy Spirit, fill my mind with your thoughts, your plans, your work. What do you want me to dream and accomplish in the next 10 years during this season of life? What goals do you want me to make for:

My Marriage and family

My Children--individually and as a unit

My Local Ministry--Bible studies to teach; leaders to train, church involvement

What books do you want me to write? What projects do you want me to plan? What training do you want me to provide? What specific ways, in your Spirit's power, do you want me to leave a legacy of my life for all that you have taught me, messages you have given to me, and how can I train others with these messages so that they will live beyond me?

Reviewing my vision and writing out a vision and purpose statement often helps me to revisit my goals, ideals and practical application. Because I have been making plans for my life, as a result of building convictions about kingdom principles, for many years, I am familiar with where to go and what to plan. Clay and I have spent literally hundreds of hours in prayer and discussions over the years about how we want to be intentional about leaving a Biblical legacy and preserving righteous knowledge in our generation, so reviewing and seeking God in these areas is very familiar.

Now, my journal is full of ideas and I am excited about the possibilities ahead. Each season has its limitations and will require a different cost. But making a plan will mean that I will have direction and truth through which to monitor my decisions--the things I can commit to, the things that just do not fit.

I have come out with exciting plans, wonderful projects to captivate my imagination, and ideas of how to continue working in my family and with other women.

This planning is not a "telling God what I want to do." But more of a, "What is your priority for me, Lord? What work have you given me to do? How can I best promote and teach about your kingdom and what do I need to change in my life in order to align myself more with your plans for me?

Having a plan provides direction for every step that I will take--it gives me a direction to follow. These are the thoughts on my mind today. Off I go to dream and pray some more, and then on with the duties of my life, Joy's drama group, dinner, dishes,......

For helping to make a plan for motherhood, read: Mission of Motherhood

Social Media is like a fickle boyfriend........

Eponine-A-Rose-in-Misery

"He slept a summer by my side, He filled my days with endless wonder,

He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came."

"I Dreamed a Dream" From Les Miserable (Fantene)

Passionately singing this song, above the resounding notes of Sarah's piano playing, the three girls in our family find this song  hauntingly beautiful. The image of a young girl, innocently convincing herself that she is deeply in love, giving her whole being to one who is there to consume her. When with child at the end of the summer, Eponine, the young girl, is left with scars, a pregnancy, responsibilities; her so-called lover is no where to be found.

I meet so many precious young women who gave themselves so such men. Women, longing for love, acceptance, purpose, a place to belong and to be validated, gave their souls to one who could never be a source of long-term love, strength or goodness.

So many voices lure us toward the very relationships and decisions that will, in the end, destroy our souls.

I see that social media, success, prominence, illusive material possessions, status--all fo these "Idols" could be this kind of boyfriend--here to entice you today, but gone tomorrow, where you are left to clean up a life with scars, loneliness and rejection or just silence, the  feeling of being invisible.

Social media is the newest version of promising what it cannot deliver. Thousands of friends, but no one who has the time to talk to me personally. Now social media has its place--we can write articles of encouragement to be read by others all over the world. We can connect with old friends and meet like-minded friends on the internet. We can show pictures of our children, birthdays, holidays. There are many amazing revelations through the internet.

But there is a possible down side to this is "just virtual" relationship. I do not deny that social media and the web can fill some very important needs in our lives and can give us information at a moment's notice. But throughout history, life was never meant to be lived this way. God designed us to live in such a way as to leisurely be able to observe His handiwork, to breathe in creation with all of its color and variation. We were to  to see His beauty in the seasons, a rainbow, to feel the course of nature.

Relationships were to be slowly simmering through seasons of shared time, work, love, seasons and years, with a knowledge that people would be in our lives endlessly through our whole lives without ever moving to another location. The gentle comforting hands of God wiping away our tears; the heart-smile that comes from being mutually understood; joyful celebration of life milestones, as kindred spirits walked through the cost of ideals together--these are the deep fulfillments God intended us to share in real life with present and engaged friends. f

God intended that we have time to sit and ponder mysteries of the universe, to have to work out our thoughts, to have time to work and read and create food and gardens and the works of our hands. He longed for us to seek Him, His presence, His relationship to us as God and savior, to fill in our hearts' needs--pondering and loving Him through time that is focussed on prayer.

God intended that we have real lovers, loyal, present friends, who would be here for us to celebrate life's daily moments and the tragedies and momentous occasions.

However, contemporary culture has forgotten these realities.

Perhaps, on the internet, we build up a couple of thousand of friends--that does not mean they know us, our real lives, our silent aches of heart, our loneliness, our dreams, insecurities, needs or doubts, or love us. Often it just means, they, too, are trying to build their list. Our social networking friends cannot bring us a hot, delicious meal or a fall bouquet of blooming flowers when we are sick or depressed or just need to know we are on someone's mind.

Our social media friends cannot hold our hand or give us a gentle embrace, when we  pray  through a heartbreak or  sit and drink a real cup of tea on the porch as we watch a fall sun melt into the sky, and share secrets. Our social media friends are not here to touch, see, experience, giggle, to validate the memories of real life.

Our children also long for us to see them as the important ones--they long for our words of love and laughter at their jokes and engaging in their hearts and attention. Our children are only with us for a window of time, to receive our attention, loving touch, tasty meals, to celebrate life as we pour into their souls. If we are looking to the internet for our relationships, our children will look for love and attention wherever else they can find it--away from us.

We are their first choice, but they will settle for others if their needs are not met at home with our intentional and present attention.

Suppose, we get lots of comments on our blogs today, or an increasing number of visits. The pressure is on to try to keep that going tomorrow. If we feel good when people respond, must we feel bad about ourselves if they don't leave a comment? If we are one of the most popular blogs or web sites today, eventually there will be a "cuter girl on the block", where people will search for something more, something new, leaving us longing for the same affirmation and love we sought in the beginning.

I think that many young women become addicted to social media and neglect their families and children out of a God given desire to be loved, to have friends who care, to feel a sense of importance--to push away the feeling that we are invisible in this world of ours. The desire to be loved and known and validated is God-given. Yet, He intended for us to have real community where we are loved and have a place to fit with family--cousins, grandparents, parents, siblings. For thousands of years, neighbors were to be those who knew you your whole life, who were there for you in the tragedies and celebrations of life. Purpose and meaning came out of relating and giving of ourselves to a community of people called to live, serve and validate the meaning of life together, to preserve righteousness in the presence of our children as a common group of people who loved and served God together.

Now, we live in an isolationist culture where we move from place to place, seldom knowing our neighbors; go to mega-churches where it is possible to be personally, intimately unknown in  our inner-life needs or desires. Often grandparents and siblings have different values, live half-way around the world, or are of no support at all--many who have been separated from us through divorce.

So, we seek to replace that which God intended to be real and present, with something--anything--that can help us to "feel" connected, loved, validated.

So, social media can spend a summer by our side, but might be gone when autumn comes. A fickle boyfriend--here today, gone tomorrow. Just a thought for today.

The best moments of my week

Joy and me at a photo shoot for 25 new photographers who needed subjects to  "practice on" at Garden of the Gods, two weeks ago.(She is my pajama'd friend of the story below.)

The best of best moments.

It wasn't going to a Broadway play in New York City--though that was amazing. It wasn't seeing the Statue of Liberty up close, or  Time Square and real NY Cheesecake. It wasn't the train rides, visiting with lovely, thoughtful women in the homes where we stayed, though the time shared and dreams and ideals expressed, was of the sweetest kind of soul-sharing.

It wasn't even the stimulating fellowship at the poignant Relevant Blogging conference, where I interacted with and engaged with 200 gifted, sweet, encouraging writers. Also, an encounter I will long remember.

But two moments pressed into my memories.

Late Sunday night, Comfy, squishy, black cotton pj's adorned my weary body as I plumped two pillows from my bed. Patting them, I gestured to my amber-eyed, tossled haired, barely distinguishable freckled, 15 year old to lay down on my pillowed lap. Clothed in her own warm flannels, she squished up on the couch, draping her legs over the end. Her warm body helped disperse the chill of  our first cold night.

Sharing profound soul-thoughts, laughing at stories from the days of the week, tearing up over the needs of friends, planning life together, she only wanted me to be her friend, companion of these quiet moments, one who listens and hears beyond the words,--she wanted me only to be her mother. I tenderly stroked her hair out of her eyes, and caressed the sweet face so close to mine. What a gift that God chose me to be her mother--the one who had the unique calling to breathe life and beauty and hope and inspiration into her soul. That He would choose me for her, a gift beyond understanding.

What comfort came to me--the one who does not like the spotlight or to be the center of attention. Me, inside feeling fragile in crowds of women, inferior in my own eyes, not  knowing what to share, but learning to press through what God has put on my plate to do.

Never feeling that I quite fit in--but here, in the quiet of a Sunday night, I fit in as my true self  was known, and fully embraced in the sweet lingering moments of sleepy late night.

The second moment, pattering out of bed in the semi-darkness of 6 a.m. sun rising light, I reach for the empty kettle. Gathering mug and cup, I "put on the tea" and settled into mommy arm chair and he into his leather, manly one, "50 year old birthday present" from 9 years ago. Together, we shared in the sweet, quiet moments together of life, dreams, work, a  thumb injury, the phone calls and issues of our very own children, the sharing of what it feels like to get old together when surrounded by so many young, talented people.

Thirty precious years of this early morning reverie. But this moment, made new again by his presence and listening ears. This, the secure comfort with my stable, strong, always "there for me" husband, no performance--all sins known from long ago, known and souls laid bare. This "knowing and still loving" comfort, built over 30 years of the life we have struggled through and celebrated together. This my second moment of grace that soothed my soul and spoke to me, "Ah, it is good to be truly home."

Getting back in the saddle!

Welcome to my newly moved over site! (itakejoy.com) I am just beginning to fill out this blog, but am excited for the possibilities of having some new ways to be creative with my blog.

For those of you new to itakejoy, I have been on a wonderful history trip with 2 moms and 4 kids to Philadelphia, Boston, New York and ending up at a great blogging conference in Harrisburg, Pa. Great, great days!

However, it will take me a few days just to get back to my center in this home where I live. My sweet husband and children are my priority and so I want to provide for them as I get back in the saddle of life at home! Several weeks of traveling have fed my soul with beautiful memories, roused my mind with challenging and inspiring conversations, and invigorated my passion to keep writing and reaching out to so many women who long for a personal touch, voice of life and encouragement.

We are gearing up for the mom's conferences, will be doing some new online book studies, giving some books and conference registrations away, so stay tuned and I will be back with lots that is bubbling up in my heart. For now, an omelette and tea with Joy are on my immediate agenda.

But, alas, my suitcase awaits, the refrigerator is empty and Joy and I need to get to the business of making this last year of her education at home the best one yet. So, I will post soon.

Peace and grace today!

Great quotes! Louisa May Alcott's home.

Too busy talking to friends, so I asked Joy and Christie, (my daughter and her bf) to write the past couple of days as they share some of their impressions. What fun I am having and how blessed I am to have a few days of pure fun! Here are just a few of the great quotes we saw as we walked through Louisa May's home--the author of so many wonderful books, including Little Women. "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

So true.

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." — Louisa May Alcott

"A faithful friend is a strong defense; And he that hath found him hath found a treasure." — Louisa May Alcott

Great memories and tears coming to my eyes several times. What fun we have had running through halls of history, homes of great writers and talking, talking, talking as we go.

The girls brought tears to my eyes yesterday morning. "Who gets to have an education like this! To read their stories and then to see the lives these great people lived and to know the rooms where they lived and wrote, the places they fought battles--makes us so very grateful to have known and seen these things! It makes me want to think, "How am I going to live my life in such a way as to leave a legacy of faith or courage that will help and influence others."

And so we have been busy every minute, and in the evenings we have had precious conversations with friends where we are staying and being treated to great meals, rousing conversations and heart-felt prayers. Such a blessing to me and a filling of my soul. All grateful to God for strewing my life with such blessings.

Deb, Jane, me and Shelley (below) staying up too late but having fun talking around the kitchen table. What great food and hospitality. 

Off to see Paul Revere's home! and then training to New York City for more fun and friends. Have a blessed day.

Boston In the Fall

--We got to see Joel, so exciting! We've been missing you!

"And I've never been to Boston in the fa..."Oh, wait! I have!

Joy and Christie reporting from the home of our lovely hosts, listening to a song, giggling our faces off and thinking about History. Well, we really aren't thinking about history. Actually, I just had to think about history to write that sentence, so I suppose we are. Yesterday, after hardly any sleep and several cups of coffee, we ventured out to explore the history Boston has to offer. We had lots of fun, ate a good deal, learned a lot, ate some more, saw the graves of several famous people, ate a muffin, stood on the very ground that our founding fathers stood--and some of them died on--and ate Boston creme pie. Eating was our favorite part. Overall, it was a great success. 

Today, we went to Lexington and Concord, visiting museums detailing the events of April 19, 1775, the day the war truly began. We never knew that the fighting lasted all day, the colonists chasing the British all through the countryside, engaging them several times in various ambushes. Although the colonists began with only 70 troops against 700 redcoats, their ranks grew along the road until they swelled to 4000, leaving the redcoats at 1700, the day amounting to a good rout of the English by the farmers and ordinary men of America. They had no training, no supplies except for what they provided themselves, but they beat the British because they were driven to protect their families, and to fight for liberty. It makes me wonder, if we were forced into the same situations they were, would we respond as bravely? 

Anywho, we will leave the pictures to speak for themselves and tell the rest of the story. Enjoy!

Our motley crew trooping along in Boston.

Wait...don't stop! Click the "Read More" link to see more pics of Boston, and us...

In the Granary graveyard where revolutionists such as Samuel Adams and James Otis. The English spelling of "lyes" makes this graveyard seem even more eerie. 

We practice holy reverence in the Anglican church along the red brick road.

Beautiful, isn't she?

Re-enacting the scene from the battle sparked by "the shot heard 'round the world." Joy and I are the redcoats, facing the chapel, while Jack and Jackson are the colonists, who suffered greatly in that first encounter. In other words, we win. Haha.

Beautiful countryside around the old north bridge. Even in a place of war, there is always beauty.

Silly Philly

(Jack is strong, really.)

And we're off!

Hello, it's me (Joy). Reporting, most faithfully at the call of my mother, to all you bloggers and blog readers!

It took us a while to get the ball rolling forgetting this and that, we managed to be the last ones to get on the plane. That's always exciting, and you know a trip is not fun unless it's an adventure. Arriving in Philadelphia Pennsylvania, panting and exhausted, we fell into bed, fell out, and then went on our way! From The Liberty Bell to the Independence Hall, we trekked our way from place to place with smiles on our faces and our learning brains in position. I must say I can't think of a moment any of us were silent, I like to think it's because we're intelligent. But it sure did make for quite a few laughs, from both us and the surrounding homo sapians. We all ate our first Philly cheese stake sandwich in Philadelphia, and our stomachs and mouths are in a state of bereavement now that we are done and know we will have no more for quite a long time. Food continued on as theme as we made our way to an enclosed market were we found all sorts of succulent dishes and delicious nibbles. We now sit happily, (and I might mention early, as we somehow mistook the time and thought we were an hour forward in time) waiting to get on our train. So we bid Philadelphia farewell, and look onwards to the exciting prospect of Boston. Especially us kids, as none of us have been to "Boston in the fall" (Veggie tales, look it up ;-) ), and soon we shall be! Well, much love! 

Now some pictures, courtesy mostly of the faithful little blue camera and my (Joy's) obsessive picture taking. Enjoy!

Click the "Read More" link to see more pictures.

All of us kids with the Liberty Bell. I never knew what a symbol of freedom it was to all nations! It was really amazing!

Food? Delicate figure? Food? Delicate figure?.... I vote food.  

It was DELISH!

I was put on trial in Independence Hall. I was apparently found guilty. Yikes, mommy!

The place we ate those blessed sandwiches. Not sure why Jack is holding the table...

This Guy was at the market, we liked his Tatoo. It was Psalm 23. Go him!

Miss Shelley got her shoes shined! She's one classy chic!

All for now!

This and That--Australia, Relevant and life!

I get to see my wonderful son,Joel, composer,  and such a cherished friend, and studies in Boston! Can't wait to squeeze his neck and plaster him with a mama kiss.

I do think this is the busiest time of my whole life--and I have said that many times. But, it really seems to be a new kind of busy---many wonderful ministry opportunities, finishing Joy's last year well, and spending hours on the phone with my three oldest--still training, loving, advising, praying and keeping up, and searching for time with Clay alone, and my sweet groups of moms here and writing--and of course eating and drinking tea every day--and I just can't seem to get on top of it all. I especially feel badly that I am not writing some of you wonderful friends back--my email boxes are full. Please forgive me if I do not write back--it is not because I don't care about you, but I am just trying to ride the waves of this season and keep centered on the Lord and my family and somehow my correspondence seems to keep building and building. But I do read my comments and emails and you all keep me going-and I pray for most everyone who writes to me. So please forgive me, pray for me and know that I so appreciate every letter and comment I get!

History Trip

Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy! Going on a fun history trip with my sweet friends and Joy--less than 24 hours to pack and get my ducks in a row! It is a tradition with all of my kids to go on adventures to see the places of people we have studied. Last year we went to Sweden (really Kansas!) and this year to Boston, Philly and New York--Broadway play, statue of liberty, Louisa May Alcott's Home, Freedom trail, tea at the Boston Library with my dear Joel, Minute Man museum, Liberty Bell and Ben Franklin's house and such, Valley Forge, museums, and lots of fun and playing and of course seeing all of you who have written where we will be speaking for one night in Philly, Boston and New York City. Please pray we all stay well and healthy.

Australia 

A sweet friend, Barb Somervaille, in Australia, wants Joy and me to come to do a Mom's conference and a Mom Heart Leadership Training in Australia in June. We are praying about this and hoping something works out. What she wants to know is if there are other moms interested in this who would help her get the word out, come to the conference and or want to be trained in how to start a group. You can email her to tell her of your interest. 

Relevant Conference 

I am so excited to attend the Relevant Blogging conference in a couple of weeks. I love Sarah Mae and have so much to learn from the wonderful women who will attend. If you are a regular follower of my blog and you are attending, I would love to hear from you! Be sure to stop me when we are there! 

I feel so very blessed to walk with God during these days. May His grace and love be real to you today! Please keep the letters coming--they keep me writing. You are all so very dear to me and make me feel like I have kindred spirits all around.

"You are made in the image of what you desire,......."

A life is either all spiritual or not spiritual at all. No man can serve two masters. Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire. Thomas Merton 

It has come upon me lately that if, as a Christian, Christ lives in and through me, and the Holy Spirit fills me with His thoughts, then when people are with me, they should sense that they have been in the presence of God. They should feel the touch of His love through my hands, the truth and wisdom of His life through my words, the generous forgiveness and grace of loyalty and goodness through my acts of friendship and good deeds. If my grid of life, so to speak, is to worship Him with my heart soul mind and strength every day, then I should be growing into His likeness as He lives His reality through my life. 

May we live into Him and into His will right where we are today.

Live from Chicago tonight!

Tonight, I will be speaking in Chicago for Apologia at a conference to encourage and refresh women. The conference will be offered via live stream. Go to: www.apologiaonline.com/live (new link) and you will find a link to watch the conference for free! Looking forward to seeing you there! Please pass it on and tell your friends!

P.S. Please keep checking back for the link to go live! I will be speaking on "Standing Strong as a Mother" around 9:00pm CST!