Words have the power to change destinies!

The Lord GOD has given Me the tongue of disciples, That I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to listen as a disciple. Isaiah 50:4

Words have the power of life and death, so James tells us.

Yesterday a sweet friend sent me an email and she told me how much she valued my friendship. Words of love and appreciation followed, and how much encouragement and vision I had provided in her life and an example for her to follow.

My whole day was changed. She spoke hope into my life. I felt more adequate for what she had taken the time to plant in my mind and soul.

Scripture tells us that a good word at the right time is of great value:

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Proverbs 25:11

Words give hope to the discouraged. I was talking to one of my children who is struggling with jobs and finances and I invested words of affirmation, exhortation, believing in this child's abilities, seeing God grow character through the trials, saying how proud I was.

Words like:

I believe in you.

You are such a dear friend to me.

Your integrity has been such a model for me to follow.

I love you for going to work every day and serving me and the kids so diligently. You are a wonderful provider.

I love who God has made you.

I appreciate your faithful heart and the ability to keep going even in hard times.

I love you for knowing me and still loving me, a rare trait unconditional love!

Our children need a treasure chest full of our good words to draw from in challenging times. Our words literally build their garden of their soul.

Two days ago, I talked to one of my children, quite discouraged by months and months of an uphill climb in this challenging life. I intentionally poured out scripture, love, affirmation, exhortation, belief in God working even as we waited, and love to this child.  Today, another phone call came. Seems the words set this child to pondering God's life's work and dreams and plans for this one, and consequently, this child was greatly encouraged to trust God for life's challenges--dreaming dreams of world changing again. Words are there--as the proverb says--aptly, at the right time, to do their work.

Words are created to be a spring of life by the Word of Life, Jesus, who uses people with real bodies to give His own encouragement through the life pouring out from our hearts as a result from being with Him.

Words can also devastate and kill. Words that should never be uttered out-loud. Words stick in the soul of children, a husband, friends, Christians, non-believers. Words can spread hurtful gossip, hate, bitterness--it sets aflame all sorts of contention. Controlling our words is an amazing work of the Holy Spirit.

Often, when I would feel lonely or discouraged in my own life, I would choose 5 people that I loved and appreciated and write them a note or email telling them of their great worth in my own life. I found that when I sowed words of life and love, my own heart would always become encouraged. Kind of like choosing to begin making a list of all I have to be thankful for, makes my heart grateful.

Who needs you to write them a note of life-giving words today? Who needs to hear your words of love and encouragement in person or on the phone? Who are the five people that God could use you today to give them just what they didn't even know they needed, but would change the course of their day?

Words must also be initiated to be useful. It is no good just thinking appreciation. Words are water to thirsty souls, food to hungry hearts. May we pour out a flood of great words today and see the lives of people who need to hear God's voice, be changed by the grace that He uses through us to give to them who are longing for a touch from His Spirit.

Remembering.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joy, a mere 41/2 years ago--remembering this day hiking in the mountains! (Gathering older photos for her graduation book and remembering with pleasure and bittersweet, the days that flew by!)

I have so many talented friends that I love to share with you. Today, I wanted to share a post with you from a very dear friend, Brenda Nuland. She has a special spot on my heart because she, like me, has been around for a while. She has raised two wonderful children who are adults moving into their own arenas. (Her daughter, Stephanie is a friend with her own brood of children, and also a charming writer.)

I love going to Brenda's blog because is is homey--comforting, encouraging, reminding me what art within the homelife is all about. Be sure to join her at her blog: coffeeteabooksandme.blogspot.com

Thanks so much, Brenda, for this wonderful, heart warming article! Blessings today!

Remembering.......I love reading the Old Testament and the Hebraic need to Remember... in altars built, festivals celebrated, names given to children, special food, and the telling of the Story of the Coming Redemption over and over and over.  They understood the importance of Tradition, which in its' proper place acts as an anchor to Memory.

Memories... I sat on a quite hard park bench, watching Stephanie play with full abandonment.  I don't recall how old she was at the time... five... six... seven... young enough to enjoy the park but old enough to be good company for her mother.

Earlier we had walked the boardwalk where the big boats were docked after a breakfast of croissants and coffee and milk (we almost always stopped for croissants with strawberry cream cheese or chocolate filling when we visited that favorite of towns).  All these years later, I can still feel those moments on that particular day... most likely because I was definitely "in the zone" taking mental Polaroid pictures so I would always remember.

One of the side affects of losing a parent in childhood is the deep understanding it gives you early that life can be fleeting.  One either develops a fearful attitude or the habit of taking the time to embrace the moment... in my case for many years it was both... that particular day was just so beautiful, I knew I'd want to remember it for a lifetime.

When we look for beauty in the ordinary things of life... walks in the park, breakfast "out", gardens, cooking together, stories read, beloved animals found amusing, joys celebrated, disappointments shared, ... then each day is an opportunity for the making of a memory.

If we think of only special events, and holidays, and vacations, etc. then we are looking for memories only days within months each year and tend to put too much pressure on "special" days.

Like that day so long ago with Stephanie in the park, I have vivid memories of times spent with family and friends... from hiking nature trails with Christopher... to watching Stephanie and hubby play tennis together... to the frigid spring vacation the four of us took to downtown Chicago (a cold wind whipping off the Lake!) and taking the wrong train back to the hotel but meeting the most fascinating people... to going to the Feast of the Hunter's Moon with our best friends visiting from Iowa... to Stephanie's wedding to the "world's best son-in-law" in the charming country chapel in the small town where I grew up.

So many memories of meals through the years... dinners by the light of candles when we were but three (when Christopher was little, he blew them out so the tradition ended)... to the Thanksgiving dinner an almost-twelve-year old Stephanie made for her dad when I was in the hospital with the newborn Christopher... to the delicious meals she served to us when we visited last autumn.

Memories of my mother and father and family and dear friends and towns we lived in and churches we attended and people we met and favorite restaurants and coffee shops and antique stores and book shops and flea markets and the best place for a good cheeseburger.

Memories of books read together and films watched as a family and the shared vocabulary of people who live together for years upon years upon years.  Those sentences said aloud which make us laugh and no one else knows what in the world we are talking about.  The anniversary dates of good times and bad times and in between.  Memories of Sasha and Storm that bring laughter and tears.

Late night chats with my kids about life and God and faith and failure and everything in between.  Good times... bad times... funny times... sad times... all centered around the One who Created.  Memories to be recorded at times with words and others with pictures.

Are any of my memories perfect?  Well... looking through the lens of time they tend to be but if I really, really stop to remember surrounding circumstances... there were very few perfect days (much less months or years).  Some memories must be "let go" when they settle once more in my head... bringing forgiveness and alleviating pain.

There must be someone in the family who can make a party on a rainy day and a feast in the midst of famine.  Someone who understands hot soup in cold weather, slices of cold watermelon in a heatwave, or that warm cookies with tea just about anytime warms the soul as well as body.  Someone to snap a picture or write a letter or perhaps to keep a journal or create a scrapbook.

Someone to build the altar of remembrance, always leading those they love back to the One who loves them. Someone who understands how fleeting life can be and how quickly it passes and that we must slow down and really, really look... and provide memories... and to remember... as one generation passes to another.  Always understanding there may never be a perfect day but we can make perfect memories.

THE WINNER FOR MINISTRY OF MOTHERHOOD IS: CHRISTINA (AS SHE POSTED HER NAME ON MY BLOG!)

Lost in the storms of life

Ansdell Richard Lost in the storm

Lately, I have been reading a popular book that challenges believers to really invest their lives in great causes and in foreign missions and to make a difference in the world.

But, it has stimulated a different line of thinking in me, totally opposite of what I have been reading.

Western Christianity seems to point us to doing a great deed, making a great sacrifice or performing something great in the public eye. Perhaps it is one way of serving. But I believe in my heart that it is the quiet deeds of faith, the steadfast heart, the humble service over the years of a lifetime that is really pleasing to our Jesus, who Himself said He was humble and meek and to learn from Him. Most will serve Him, in the unobserved moment by moment willingness to bear the burdens of life in a fallen world, perhaps never receiving accolades from the public arena. Yet, God, who sees in secret, will indeed see their deeds of loving faithfulness when no one else is looking.

He sees us. He loves us and measures each tiny faithful decision in his hands as an act glorifying Him in our short time on this earth. These little acts of love and faith make up the whole sacrifice of our life that becomes an offering to Him.

Yet, I think that my life has been made up of thousands of little moments, seemingly insignificant to the public eye. Changing one more diaper. Listening to the heart's cry of one more teenager. Encouraging Clay through one more year of financial crisis. Living through one more season of faith when my life has felt overwhelming.

Have you ever felt like the woman in this print? Seems I have often felt so very overwhelmed in this journey of my life. Feelings of isolation and loneliness have been aching companions at different times--feeling that I don't fit with many people. Feeling lost in the storms of life.

Other times, the burdens of all of my children and trying to keep them afloat while feeling that the weight of their lives was drowning me--illnesses, personalities and disorders, meeting their needs, answering their spiritual demands, bearing with them through very difficult seasons (sleepless nights of babyhood; mysterious years of toddlerhood--when to discipline, when not, all the trials and joys of elementary, teenage storms, and young adult decisions and pressures). Sometimes, it just feels like it never ends.

Family issues, church issues and people, work load, and just plain exhaustion. Prayers unanswered, and so much more.

Sometimes the years of my life and my high ideals have demanded so much of me, I felt that I should not write about my ideals, because I did not want anyone else to experience all of the hard realities and difficulties I have had to live through. (Can I really suggest to women this course of life when I know it is so very difficult to sustain? It is long and arduous? The demands can seem sometimes never ending?)

Perhaps I am just more of a wimp than most moms, and was less prepared and had a weaker character than most moms and that is why I have struggled so at times.

Yet, somewhere, deep inside, God gave me a tenaciousness to keep going--through the storms, to keep trusting Him, to keep believing Him, that He is good, even when I don't feel His presence.

I am so very thankful He kept me going. My marriage is still intact and growing. My children, at this moment, still love the Lord and us and are all growing, (but always with issues), and I have a legacy of looking back and seeing that He was working which gives me the hope to believe that He is still working.

Lately, I have been feeling the new burden of storms in my life and the weight of so much responsibility. It is always a temptation to give up or to despair when we are in darkness of some kind. Yet, believing in the midst of the darkness and choosing to worship and to love Him and praise Him, by our wills and not our feelings may be the biggest treasure in heaven that we will give to Him--faithfulness when no one is watching; faith in Him when it seems He has disappeared. Faithfulness to serve one more child, who is too immature to appreciate your sacrifice. Making one more meal and washing one more set of dishes to a family who seems always to be hungry and always depending on you for everything.

Integrity in these seemingly insignificant moments will become the measure of integrity over a life-time, and will build a picture of faithfulness for all to see when they go through their own hard times. "Oh, I remember mom kept going. She kept loving. She kept believing. I guess I can, too. Her story is my foundation for encouragement."

And so today, as I recognize the many seemingly too heavy a burden that loved ones and friends are sharing, I pray that they, and I, will remember that this day, is one day closer to His coming again. This spirit of overcoming and enduring which bubbles up in our hearts from the Holy Spirit living there, becomes a song of praise in heaven where angels are cheering us on.

Jesus said, "In this world, you will have tribulation." But He admonished his loved ones, "But take courage. I have overcome the world."

And so, may we cherish anew, the  message of our resurrection Lord, that we celebrated yesterday and remember His power to overcome any force.   Moment by moment, day by day, let us take hold of our hearts' attitudes that will give us  hope, strength, courage and faith to proclaim His reality this day. May we  know that as a good Father who cherishes and encourages His beloved children, He will one day say, "Well done. Well done, my beloved child."

So, it is not  just accomplishing grand feats of sacrifice one time or accomplishing something great in the world's eyes, that will bring ultimate glory to this world of ours.

But it is the faithful, serving and pouring out ourselves into  those in our daily lives, where hearts will be changed and characters will be formed, to bring His righteousness to bear in our world. No deed of faith or love is too small. It adds up to a life well-lived and pleasing to him.

Now it is my story

Sarah, my oldest daughter, in her costume for the dramatical Easter production, The Thorne.

Memories bubble up tonight as I remember so many Easters that swelled the heart of Jesus's story again in my own thoughts and emotions--in Poland as a young missionary, marching around the ancient church 3 times and ringing bells; as a first time pregnant mom, waiting, waiting for my baby to come; in Vienna, the early days of our marriage while holding our babes in church and praying they would be silent during the church celebration.

But now, I see this most wonderful of days, the celebration of the resurrection of our Lord, the final declaration that for all time, Satan was defeated and we have the right to enter into the holy of holies,

and I am seeing it through the eyes and heart of my own children as they deeply embrace all that His story means to them.

Because I could not do better, I give you my sweet Sarah's thoughts, after all it is her story......

This is my story..........

The Lord is risen, he is risen indeed. May your hearts be full of joy and praise as you celebrate Easter with your precious ones.

Blessings and blessings to each of you.

Ministry of Motherhood Book Club and Giveaway!

Many of you who know me know that I delight in fellowship amongst like-minded women who help me keep accountable in my ideals as a believer, wife and mother. And yet, often, I find that many of the women I am closest to, often feel alone and isolated. It is difficult to find women of like-minded ideals in this post-modern culture.

That is why I am so very excited to introduce you to my lovely friends, Courtney  and Angela. I met them at the Relevant Conference last fall, and immediately fell in love with their concept of Good Morning Girls. They wanted to help encourage women to have more consistent quiet times and so they started a group called Good Morning Girls, where women can connect to each other each day to share what they have been learning.

This summer, they will also be connecting women in a book club studying my book, Ministry of Motherhood. What a great idea to use the more leisurely time in summer to fill your heart with new vision for your children.

I wrote Ministry of Motherhood to help women know how to develop a grid from which to view their children's lives every day, in order to purposefully disciple their children every minute of the day. When you have a plan for discipleship, you have direction to know better how to implement the influence that Jesus had with His disciples.

To join in this great idea, I will be giving two Ministry of Motherhood books away. If you want an opportunity to win, you must leave a comment on the Women Living Well blog. For an extra entry to win, leave a comment on my blog, too, about motherhood, why you want this book or what you are learning now, on my blog.

I hope many of you will join this great summer challenge. If you would like to participate and want to help support our ministry at the same time, you can order your book from: wholeheart.org.

Come Join This Summer Book Club!

Thank you Sally for letting me share with your readers about this exciting summer book club!!!

I’m Courtney from GoodMorningGirls.org.   Good Morning Girls are tech accountability groups.   But you do not have to be a part of our accountability groups to join this summer book club!   My partner Angela and I, have a fabulous plan that will encourage, inspire and challenge you as mothers all summer long.  Sally has generously shared her video series from The Ministry of Motherhood and this summer we will weekly unveil her videos for free on-line!

The Ministry of Motherhood Summer Book Club will begin on Monday, May 23rd and will run through August 5th!  Each Monday we will feature Sally’s videos.  Then on Wednesdays, we will feature different bloggers who will share what they learned from that weeks reading.  Then on Fridays, Angela and I will go through the discussion questions with you via youtube!

Let me introduce ourselves via video (Angela lives in Texas and I live in Ohio – so this is us skyping each other!):

Grab your copy of Sally’s The Ministry of Motherhood and click on over to GoodMorningGirls.org for more details. We hope to see you there!

Walk with the King! Courtney, WomenLivingWell

Boys will be boys, part 2

Finally home. I feel like I have run a long distance course and have crossed the finish line. What fun we have had speaking so so many precious moms in the past 4 months, but now I am going to try to get through the next month, and then I will take a deep breath.
4 Birthdays (Nathan, Clay--his 60th! Sarah and Joy and Joel's graduation from college in Boston and Joy's here in Monument from high school--whew--that is a lot of celebrating and cooking!)
So, today, I give you the last of my boy post and hope it will encourage you. Have a grand day!
Nathan and Joel--last summer posing for a "boy" shot, on a hike and family picnic!
Today is part 2 of Boys will be boys and you can read the last bit of the post on MOB Society's great blog.
A strong loving hand (acceptance and grace)
When I could see that Nathan's larger than life personality was becoming agitated, I would pull him aside, sit him on my lap, softly tickle his back and find out what was wrong. He loved to talk and when I heard what was going on in his mind, he would obey me, just for having listened. It took more time, but I came to understand this little darling boy and he responded to my patient love.
Both of my boys, Nathan and Joel, melted when I looked at them through a grid of love and chose to respond to the boys that God had made them to be. I sought to understand both boys and to find ways to communicate love to them and acceptance of their unique personalities. Joel loved affection and back rubs and I could really teach him a lot and influence him a lot if I rubbed his back--lots of little boys respond to touch.
Nathan wanted to talk and talk and talk and when I was available to listen or to play, he always became more obedient.
When I understood that in Nathan's and Joel's hearts, that they  were not out to thwart me, and that both boys  were often in his own little worlds, and with "add" Nate was not even able to respond to my strong demands, I could be more patient--and when I was patient and consistent in my training of them, they were willing to respond to me. They really always loved their "mama" so much and had a heart to please me because they knew I was on their team.
I invested words of love, admiration, encouragement and validation of their "boyish" feats, and both of my boys seemed to melt in my hands.

A strong gentle hand (kindness and gentleness)

I noticed that when I was treated my boys in a gentle way, with respect and spoke directly to them, at eye level, and touched their little backs or shoulders, they were much more attentive.
I chose not to discipline them in front of others but took them aside and sometimes just made them sit still by themselves or with me if they chose not to control their behavior.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath," from Proverbs became the pattern for my speech to my boys. Treating them with gentleness and patience created a desire in them to become civil with me. I was firm and consistent, but honored their desire for kindness.
A strong patient hand (understanding and longsuffering)
Learning not to react to the noise of my boys, but to understand the "glory of man" and need to show off at times, made me a cheerleader for them, and gave me the right to speak into their lives.
Giving them time to mature took years of patience and practice of self-control for me. I learned to try to see into their hearts and motivations from a boy's point of view before I used harsh words and became frustrated. Even as men want to be respected, so I learned to respect them as little boys who would grow into fine, strong men, and they responded.
I learned that if I trained them before a situation, (This is the place we need to use our quiet voices. Mommy wants you to be really strong inside today, because we are taking you to a big boy place,) then they were much more likely to behave.
I always took them a little bag of their own, to help them to learn to be quiet and self-controlled. Their bags had legos, paper airplane sheets, puzzle books, colored pencils, car books, etc. and when I planned to take care of their felt needs, they learned early to behave and to control their behavior.

That boy needs a strong hand--boys will be boys!

Nathan and me hiking last summer. He is wonderful and loves the Lord and loves me! He is writing a book, working, acting in Hollywood when something great comes along and on his way to making a message to his generation.
I just love all the wonderful articles I am finding on blogs. I love the blog of some sweet friends of mine that is dedicated to helping moms raise godly boys. They asked me to write a guest blog for them and I tried to do so last night in Canada without the right computer or settings. I love what they are doing. Wonderful, beautiful and a great place for encouragement.  Here is part of the article and you can find the rest on their  blog: http://www.themobsociety.com/ (Mothers of boys)
“That boy needs a strong hand.”
When Clay and I moved from California to Texas, I was to take all of my young children from Los Angeles to Dallas by myself. Flying with 3 children alone on several flights for a period of 11 hours, is not ever easy. But with two boys under 5 years of age, it seemed especially long. My now 22 year old son, Nathan, was a very active, extraverted, little boy. At 18 months, he did not have to pay for a ticket if he sat with me. However, getting him to sit on my lap through all of the flights proved to be more than I had even imagined.
Just as he was about to fall asleep, I would have to board the plane. Being awakened in such a sleepy state did not go well for him. Then, again, finally just as he was finally falling asleep after wrestling with him for the whole flight, we landed and started the whole disrupting his sleepiness cycle again.
Finally, we all arrived in Dallas, exhausted, disheveled and totally drained. My mother-in-law picked us up at the airport and suggested we stop by a restaurant before we drove the 2 hours to her house.
Nathan had had all he could take! When we sat down in the restaurant, he laid on the floor and started flailing his arms and screaming and kicking. No one could get near him.
I was frantic and left him on the floor yelling while my mother-in-law stayed with him, and I walked a little bit away from him, pretending to look at some pies in a showcase, so that I could calm down and take a breath away from this little boy that had drained all of my emotional energy and reserve.
An old man was standing next to the counter, looking at Nathan, as everyone else was also doing,  and commented, "My goodness, what a walleyed fit! That little boy needs a strong hand!"

That wizened old man at the pastry counter was right. Nathan did need a strong hand. But not just the kind he meant. Nathan was exhausted, pushed, out of his nap cycle and with his strong personality, all he knew to do to tell us of his limits had been reached, was to fall on the floor and sob.

As I grew older with my loud and active boy, I got wiser. I realized that the more I understood Clay as a man--His need for my respect, for me to be content and thankful for what he provided; that he longed for me to accept his limitations and to love him for who he was, then I grew in my understanding of how to treat my own "men in training"--with respect, affirmation, investing words of life and giving affection.
I gave Nathan, and Joel,  the strong hand that they needed to grow up, without feeling guilty or shamed for who and how God had made him. I gave him a strong hand that would make him stronger as a boy, a young man, and eventually as a man.

Seems silly to say, but boys are not girls. They are as mysterious as men, because they are men. But moms are girls, and sometimes that can be a problem. Most boys (not all, but most) will be more active, louder, noisier, less attentive or sensitive, slower to pick up cues, sometimes clueless and  just more “boysterous” than most girls. God designed them that way on purpose. Everything about them—physiology, biology, brain function, testosterone—prepares them for a different role and function in life than girls. But by God’s design, they need to be affirmed in their design by their girl mothers. God has given you a “strong hand” in their lives by way of being their mother.

For the rest of the article, go here: http://www.themobsociety.com/

Just a little thought

Many years ago, I heard James Dobson speak about how moms used to have other moms right next door who hung the laundry outside their home and moms and grandmoms near by to talk with, share the children with, fellowship with and to have time together without having to go far away. He suggested that now we often place stress on our marriages because we want our husbands to make up for all of the needs that used to be met in local community.

God also meant for us to have community--to share the load, to use our gifts with each other so that we would not feel alone and isolated.

But how many women do you know that you can go to, who when you are with them, they make you want to love God more, fill your emotional cup up with hope, women who "get" you?

And so, we do need to cultivate and reach out and find those women who will help us to remain faithful, and to stay strong. And we need to be the kind of friend who gives hope, words of life and encouragement and unconditional love. It is an art of a civilized woman to extend the life and grace and beauty of Jesus to all who are in her wake, while filling up with the love of her friends that she has helped to create.

Off to speak to these precious women here. Have a lovely day.

If I have a friend with whom to share life, I will hold fast to my ideals

Pimen Nikitich Orlov 1845

In the past couple of weeks, I have met on a couple of different occasions with sweet women who have opened their hearts. Both, mature, loving, committed to ideals and holding fast to investing their lives in their children and marriage, but both experiencing such isolation and loneliness.

In our culture at this time in history, it is very easy to feel alone, especially when one feels called to focus her time and life on raising godly children, making a home that is the center of life and cultivating spirituality intentionally.

The pressures that come with 24 hour a day children in the home, the housework, the messes, the education of each child and the load of work associated with these ideals can deplete a woman constantly.

It is why Clay and I are seeking to develop small groups of women based around common ideals and why we are hoping to build a network of these women. We need time to laugh and love and have fun and share our deepest struggles and challenge each other to ideals--and to feel that someone in the world "gets" you, loves you and will pray for you.

My sweet friend, Andrea Birch, agreed to share a wonderful article about the need for friends, in light of these personal issues in our lives. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. You can find her at flourishingmother.blogspot.com

Today I was feeling lonely. So I emailed one of my good friends and asked her for some words of encouragement. She was quick to respond and let me know I was loved.

Yesterday I talked with a good friend who has a 6 week old. Earlier, she had texted me and said she felt like she was “underwater”. I knew she needed encouragement so I called her and we talked about trusting the Lord with our children and learning the “art of letting go”.

This past weekend I got to spend 3 nights and 3 days with two lovely bloggers turned real life friends Aimee and Laurel. We rented a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina and just talked and ate and slept and talked and talked some more. We stayed up until 1:30 am every night talking and laughing and even crying. I came back from the weekend refreshed with a renewed purpose in my mothering role.

Mothers need friendships in their lives to encourage, uplift, refresh, and battle the loneliness that can come with our role. Because our culture is one that can devalue the high calling of motherhood, it is hard to find that everyday encouragement in our role. Often times getting together with women incites a complaining fest about husbands or children. We are hard-pressed to find women who praise us and exhort our “job”. Often times when I am out with my five children, instead of words of encouragement, I get an exasperated “God bless you!” with a hint of “why would you ever have so many children?”

For these reasons, I have to be intentional and purposeful about building a support system and really “cultivating” relationships.

Webster’s dictionary describes the word “cultivate” as this:

“to promote or improve the growth of by labor and attention”, “to devote oneself to”, “to seek to promote or foster” and “to seek the acquaintance or friendship of”. All of these definitions are very clear. “Cultivate” is not a passive activity. It is one that takes work and attention and care.

God made me, personally, as someone who longs for deep connection. Not all of us feel that need so deeply. However, God did create us for intimate relationship. First and foremost with Him, and then with each other. To say, “I don’t need those kind of friendships in my life” is essentially saying, “I don’t want to be intimate in that way.” But God created us that way! Whether you “feel” it or not, God created humans to desire and have intimacy with Him and with each other.

The mothering role is so demanding. It is quite honestly, non-stop. That is why I am using the word “cultivate” when it comes to friendships. It is a gentler way of saying “ slow down, be intentional” about the relationships and people God has put in your life. Mothers sometimes forget that they themselves need to be filled up in order so their husbands and children can receive the overflow.

Mothers need a support system in their life to really help them live the abundant life. Sally has spoken many times about the support system she has intentionally put in place because she needed it help her be a better mother. Female friendships in our life honor Him because they help us encourage each other to be the mother and person the Lord would have us be.

It is so easy to get caught up in our daily lives that we forget other people that God has intentionally placed in our lives. In order for those relationships to thrive, we must spend time and energy on them. This means consciously thinking about how we can minister to them, pray for them, help them, and just be a friend to them.

There are different kinds of friendships in our lives. A good friend of mine told me “all mothers need a mentoring friendship in their life.” Someone who has the luxury and gift of encouraging and exhorting us, who has had the experience of being a mother longer than us, and whose children are a few years older than ours. If you are that mother, whom can you mentor? If you need that mentoring relationship, then whom in your community could you ask to mentor you? This could be as simple as just meeting with this mother on a regular basis to talk about issues you may have within your home, or just get encouragement as a mother and as a Christian. Look for that person who has the luxury of solely encouraging you.

There are also ministering friendships. Friends who you know God has placed in your life for you to devote much time and energy to ministering to. These friends probably wont “give” you much, but God has placed them in your life to help and encourage. All friendships are not give and take. There are some friendships where you must be the one to “give” the most. Don’t close yourself off to people who God may be calling you to minister to.

Then there are the friends in your life who also give and take. Friends who minister to you, and who you also minister to. I love these kinds of friendships! But they are few and far between. So when you find one of those friendships, do not take it for granted! They are God’s gift to you. I have three friends like this. I know that I can call on them no matter what and they will be there for me because they love me and care about me. If I need ministering to, they know this and will do whatever they can for me. And I will do the same for them. These relationships are so beautiful and need much cultivating.

Friendships with woman can be very complicated. They can enrich your lives, but they can also hurt you deeply. It is also important to carefully consider the impact emotionally draining and hurtful relationships have in your life. You may need to “weed” out these relationships instead of cultivating them. But, God may be calling you to minister to that kind of person. But then again, He may not. Seek Him on this.

How can you cultivate friendships?

1.Reaching out. Remember; cultivate means “to devote oneself to”. Ask the Lord to show you ways to cultivate a friendship with someone.

2. Listen. Be someone who listens, not just talks. Make sure you know you are available to listen. People are not mind readers. You must tell them.

3. Help. Ask the Lord ways in which you can show love in action to friends.

4. Pray. Pray for your friends. Tell them you are praying for them. Ask them how you can pray for them. Ask them to pray for you.

5. Encourage. Support and encourage them. Tell them they are doing a great job as a mother. Praise their efforts. A little bit goes a long way!

Love covers a multitude of sin,

Love is a perfect bond of unity. Jesus loves it when we fault on the side of forgiveness, unconditional love, giving of our selves as He did to us.

I do become weary when believers embarrass the name of Christ when they publicly criticize others. Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.

May we cultivate more and more a heart with a grid that is loving, and sees people with compassion and come to them out of the humility of our own forgiven hearts---for all the ways He has born with us.

Have a blessed day. I am off to Canada--Red Deer-and I do love my Canadian friends.