The voices in my head

Eugene De Blass

No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do or what philosophy you adopt, you will always be criticized by someone. We all have voices in our head that try to speak to our heart about how we have failed or fallen short or disappointed someone.

I have often told my sweet children, if you stand up in front of people to lead, probably 20 percent of them already have some criticism of you, because a part of a sinful heart is to be critical. I know for me, when someone posts a critical comment on facebook or says something hurtful publicly, (like last week when someone publicly said, "I didn't get that much out of Sally Clarkson's stuff."), it tempts me just to quit. I believe the criticism and do not want to put myself out there anymore.

But that is not a mature response on my part and I have had to learn to put away the criticism and be humble and understand that I am never, never going to please everyone. But I have one who is pleased! My sweet, patient, compassionate heavenly Father.

Our first year we hosted a conference for moms, we had worked ourselves to exhaustion, invested long nights of planning and writing notes, preparing speakers, gifts to giveaway, took thousands of dollars of risk on the hotel to reach out to moms who needed support and encouragement. At the end of the conference, we offered a survey to ask the moms attending how we could improve.

By God's grace, we had mostly wonderful comments, but one stuck out as a lesson to me. A mom wrote in the section, "How can we improve," "I did not enjoy the conference because the rice was too spicy!"

This comment, was a sample of what I call, "Job's friends advice." Though Job was walking with God and serving Him and was chosen for his righteousness, his friends just knew he was sinning and that was why all of his problems came about in his personal life. Of course we know the other side of the story, he was experiencing terrible persecution and attack by Satan because he was the most righteous man on the earth and he was God's servant.

But unnecessary comments and criticism usually kill the spirit and wound the soul. I have many voices in my head that tell me I am not enough of some things--I am not natural at organizing, details, and perhaps I talk too much or am too passionate or whatever, you fill in the blank. We all have voices. One of those is Satan who accuses the believers day and night. Others are just insecure people. And of course, I think because we have a sin nature and we will not be able to tame all of our selfishness and immaturity until we get to heaven, we have our own guilt voices to accuse us.

But, as moms, we must hope that the voices in our children's heads that come from us speak to them of our unconditional love for them, our belief in their dreams, validation of God's call on their lives, encouraging words that give life to their souls.

I was asked to do a ten day blog article series on something to encourage moms, and so the next 8 to 10 articles on my blog will be about 10 ways to show your children love. But as I began to pray about this and think about it, I realized that loving our children starts with our heart and from our heart flows life and beauty and love and grace.

If in our hearts we have only resentment, frustration, selfishness and guilt, then no matter what else we do or attempt to create in the way of things to do to communicate love, it is our heart that will speak the loudest, because our heart determines the way we carry on every day.

So, the first thing I would suggest to show your children love is to look at your heart. Is is filled with overflowing generous love for your children? Have you accepted their limitations? Their personality? Their immaturity? Their  imposition?

I must admit that I had some voices in my head for so many years, from my family, that I was not acceptable to them. These voices determined some of my insecurity and pain. I did eventually deal with it and realize that even if I was never acceptable to them, I was free to enjoy God's love, His understanding of my limitations and yet His unconditional acceptance, and his divine grace. I seek every day to let His voice be the one who determines my worth.

But what a grace it would be to be a child whose mother intentionally placed voices that sounded a lot like God in the ears of her children--love, forgiveness, grace, hope, encouragement and life.

Verses to think about:

Love covers a multitude of sin. I Peter 4:8

Love is a perfect bond of unity. Col. 3:14

If you have not love, you become a noisy gong or clanging symbol. I Cor. 13

Even as a Father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on us. Psalm 103: 13

Application: Determine to become a voice of love in the heart of your children. Make a specific investment of words of life and love and grace each and every day--including today!

I am so delighted to be able to share these articles with all of you at the blog hop at: Heart of the Matter Be sure to check this great site out!

Also, please take a peak at a new network where I will be writing: thebettermom.com I am delighted to be able to be a writer there for this wonderful network and you can read about it and see my picture with my precious friend, Ruth, today by going there today!

Peace be with you, the Lord is near--right here, right with you, in your home. The Lord is near.

Aloha from paradise!

Joy and Sallymama (as the kids call me) at a Luau

When I committed to come speak to the regional women's armed services conference over a year ago, I did not know about the circumstances that would surround my life--Clay's surgery and recovery, wrecks, death of my mom, moving 2 children, and and and--or I would not have accepted this assignment. I would have felt it irresponsible.

Yet, as so often from my past years, God had a better plan. He knew that I would need time to refresh just a little and restore and have fun. Afterall, all work and no play makes Sally fall apart.

So the past 30 hours before we had to speak, we have "done" as  much of Hawaii as possible. Our wonderful hosts have helped us in our adventure.

Pineapple smoothies with fresh pineapple and a tour of the Dole plantation

A Luau with dancers, a roasted pic, fire juggling, an beautiful crowns and bracelets of hibiscus and other exotic flowers.

The beach and rolling in the waves (probably our favorite).

Seeing the battleships in Pearl Harbor and hearing the amazing and devastating stories and heroic, inspiriting stories,

fun, fun, fun and talk, talk, talk with my best pal, Joy

And I didn't know that I needed a break but boy am I glad that the Lord knew.

I think now I can face my life with more grace.

Sabbath rest can take many forms. Thank you, Jesus, for this gift and for these precious ones I get to share you with the next two days.

I am a delighted little girl.

Aloaha--and God grant you rest and peace and fun today.

Momheart conferences 2012--Register now!

Often, I am asked about my secrets of motherhood. “What did you do to open and win your children’s hearts, and fill them with God’s truth? How do you hold their hearts now as they move into young adulthood? What is your secret?” I always smile a little because I know there’s less to my perceived success as a mother than meets the eye and ear in my books, blogs, and talks. I have told many stories about my mothering exploits, and shared many biblical insights about motherhood, but they really all boil down to only a few key things I have done in my 28 years of mothering. Three simple secrets that enabled me to open, fill, and hold my children’s hearts. They are the personal commitments of what I will call heartshaping motherhood. My message for you this year is simple, straightforward, and uncomplicated. I am determined that no one will go home wondering whether or not they can be the mother God wants them to be. You can be! That’s my message. You can be confident. And no matter how complicated motherhood may seem at times, or how complex the maze of motherhood experts and advice may become, at the heart of everything you do for your children can be three simple commitments that will keep you on track. I want to share those three commitments with you (my “secrets”) because I believe they can change you and, even more important, your children.

Each year, I am more convinced than the one before that the world is ready for–indeed, is in desperate need of–a restoration of biblical motherhood. Young women today are entering the sacred calling of motherhood often with no model to emulate, no teaching on God’s design to follow, and no community of mothers from which to draw strength. This Mom Heart Conference is just one thing I can do to partner with the Spirit of God to renew the hearts of mothers. I hope you can join me.

I wanted to get this information out to all of you as soon as I could, because there is a great deal for the end of November registration deadline! Not only will you get $10 off of the regular registration price, you will also recevie a $10 voucher for the Book Table!

The Heartshaping Mom ~ How to Open, Fill, and Hold Your Child’s Heart

A MID-WINTER GETAWAY FOR YOU!

with Sally Clarkson & friends Wholehearted mother, author, blogger, and speaker

Now in our 15th year of ministering to mothers! Since 1998, this two-day conference and getaway has been a bright light in the gray days of winter for thousands of Christian moms in nearly 50 conferences in eight states. Sally Clarkson is a faithful champion for biblical motherhood, and this year her message for moms is personal and powerful. She will share her life-learned heartshaping secrets for how to open, fill, and hold the hearts of your children. She will be joined by other moms who share her passion for motherhood in messages, testimonies, and panel discussions.

Get away with us for fellowship and inspiration! You need to be with other wholehearted mothers like you! You need to be able to laugh and cry and shout and sigh about the same experiences. Come be refreshed, revived, and restored by being around other moms who want the same thing for their children that you want for yours. In addition to Sally’s and her guest speakers’ messages, this conference also includes practical workshops, inspirational worship, special media presentations, a lovely banquet luncheon, book tables, and more. Please join us

MOM HEART CONFERENCE ~ Denver/COS, CO

January 20-21, 2012 Denver Marriott South at Park Meadows, Littleton, CO

http://www.wholeheart.org/mhc2012-co/

MOM HEART CONFERENCE ~ Irvine/OC, CA February 3-4, 2012 Irvine Marriott Hotel, Irvine, CA

http://www.wholeheart.org/mom-heart-conference-2012-irvineoc-ca/

MOM HEART CONFERENCE ~ Irving/DFW, TX February 17-18, 2012 Dallas Marriott Las Colinas, Irving, TX

http://www.wholeheart.org/mom-heart-conference-2012-irvingdfw-tx/

Registration dates vary by location. Please check your city for specific dates.

Early Registration: $89.00 (see Super Early Registration Bonus below *) Regular Registration: $99.00

* Super Early 15 Year Celebration Registration Bonus! Register by November 30 and receive a $10.00 book table voucher! If you register by November 30, your $10.00 voucher will be included with your registration packet at the conference. You will not receive a coupon in the mail. Usable only at the conference book table. Not transferable. Offer expires November 30 at 11:59pm MT

For more information, full details, hotel information about conferences please visit:

http://www.wholeheart.org/

I miss my best friends

Nathan, who prayed for "one more baby, mom", playing with that baby

We cultivate beauty in our homes, we make sweet memories, we cook and celebrate birthdays and develop night-time rituals, cuddle up in beds and shared hearts, read a gazillion books huddled up on the couch, share favorite moves, wash a zillion dishes to wild music, cry together, live life together in close, deep friendship, so that wherever our children go into the world, they might have a treasure chest full of love, truth, beauty and life.

The only problem is, and Clay and I did not fully understand,  that it knits our hearts inextricably together,  through an invisible soul thread to their hearts, so that when they are off pursuing the adventure God has prepared for them, it leaves a big hole that no one else can fill, because our best friends are far away.

I am blessed beyond measure with sweet friends all over the world, but in the shaping of my children, I was building my very own best friends and I miss them. I am "being busy" and carrying off a good front, I think. But I cannot wait until we are us again, the Clarksons. This is my gang, this is where I most belong--wherever my best friends are.

When I was in Pennsylvania, Joy wrote on her facebook a message that said, "I miss my peeps, and I wish you would all come home." And Sarah said, "me, too, can't wait till we are together again." And Joel responded the same and it did my mother heart good to see my children, unprompted, longing for the same thing that is in my own heart. We all belong together.

Building requires a plan, and a whole lot of work

The Biltmore, Asheville, North Carolina

The wise woman builds her house, the foolish woman with her own hands, tears it down. I have often said, in my conferences, that when the building of a whole family, a history, a legacy of believers who will have an impact for godliness in the world captures the imagination of a woman, she will have a work to pursue, a vision to inspire her soul, that will last for a lifetime.

A wise woman knows that to build a house for God that will last generations, she must have a detailed plan. A woman can merely build a poorly constructed condominium or shack, or she can build a large, beautiful, functional estate, so to speak. The grand estate of influence, will obviously take much more work and planning, many more years to accomplish, but will accomodate literally thousands of people for generations. It just depends on the scope of her vision.

This house building will require hours and hours of blood sweat and tears. To be built well, it requires a detailed and artistic plan, and the plan will need to be reworked and adjusted and corrected along the way. Simply put, the building of  grand estate of righteousness will require her whole life and diligence and sacrifice for all of her days. And yet, so many just want it to be simple or over because they never knew or understood the scope and requirements.

Consequently, the foolish woman tears down her own home, not intentionally, most women do not mean to leave a legacy of broken children with scars of anger, lack of training and purpose. But they never knew how to build and were not willing to do what it took to build, because they were side swiped by the storm of it all.

But, let us understand, the foolish women tears down her opportunity to build, and will be held accountable by God, for what she built as he entrusted precious, eternal human beings into her hands, to shape for His kingdom and to learn His love and ways.

The problem with motherhood and the need for women to build godly estates of godly leaders in their homes, through multiple children that a woman will invest her life into, is that most women had no training, preparation or education of what it would take or how much it would cost them. Most just got married with the hope that someone would love them and take care of them and provide security and affirmation, and then babies came, and overwhelmed them.  They had never been trained for the job, never seen it modeled when they grew up,  never had a vision for how powerful a house (family) for God could be or how much work it would take.

So, life came along and so did the babies,  and overwhelmed and sweet women who have never had the opportunity to build a vision with a plan, find themselves up to their eyeballs in details and duties and the caring of babies without the support or input, accountability or help from experienced women who have built godly legacies. The greatest job in the world, that will indeed influence what our nation becomes, as the children of now become the legacy of adults for the next generation--and yet, no time or effort has been invested to educate or prepare these precious and significant leaders, moms, how to do it. And our churches ignore this important, Biblical call, and it just fades into nothingness in the priority the focus of woman's ministries in our generation. Satan would love nothing more than for us to minimize the importance of deeply investing our time and lives into the minds, hearts, souls and training of our children, because he knows they are essential to bringing the kingdom of God to bear in their generation.

For most moms, it is like facing a tornado and storms of life  or a battlefield for souls,  with no skills, preparation or resources or protection or help--the tornado of the present demands and the battles just takes over.

I have also observed that sweet ones want an immediate fix for this moment right now, the present emergencies of life, instead of understanding that this is a very long term project and much care must be given to the broad range of building. Planning must not be based on the emergency and immediate need, but on the long term building and work and endurance until the project is completed.

Planning is the key to what will be built and planning requires thought and time.

Today, this week, step aside from life and check what you are building. Simplify your plan, create the essentials, the rhythms that need to be established to get the work done, cut out the unnecessary expenditures of time and energy and money that are not necessary to the overall building and be sure to plan in rest every week along the way.

After coming home from 4 days of a wonderful conference, with lots of stimulation and ideas, I am home today, reworking my own plan of what I am building and will build in the year to come, and evaluating what is necessary, what my limitations are and what I can realistically complete.

May God bless your planning and vision, for without a plan, nothing great can be built.

Announcing... "Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe"

(Can't see the video? Click here)

I can't not write and I am bubbling with excitement

A few years ago, Nathan adventured to the New York Film Academy where he had received a scholarship. Fearful of him making it there as a believer, I spent a lot of time on my knees and made a lot of calls. But, as it ends up, God lives in New York, too, and he did just fine through all the tests and trials, he stayed strong.

After a couple of months there, he called me one day and said, "You know, Mom, I feel like I fit in for the first time in my life. I am surrounded by dreamers and artists and people who don't think it is crazy to talk about music, books, ideas, and who have an international view of life. I feel like I belong with the people who are visionary like me."

That is why I am excited. I am attending a conference this weekend with 200 women who write blogs. Writers cannot not write. I am writing an article in the shower, when I am in the car, when I walk. I love to think and I love to express it.

And so you can imagine how much talking, chattering, opinions flying, ideas going around, I will meet with this week--with others who think about life in terms of writing and communicating.

Blogging is an easy outlet for me because every time I read or have a quiet time, I want to share what i have been thinking, and so blogging is in some ways, a journal for me.

So I am excited that I get to go to a place where the real me will be the norm! :) This is what I met this morning on the way to the airport--winter wonderland and snow and foggy skies. But it is already an adventure--just to see if I actually get to take off and make it to Harrisburg to the Relevant Conference.

I wish all of you a good day and the opportunity to be with those who think and behave in the same manner as you!

Which personalities are the most acceptable?

spotty or

striped?

quiet or loud? Intellectual or artistic? orderly or inspirational? driven or gentle? Humorous or serious?

"Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed." Romans 12: 1

Early one morning, my chatterbox little boy ran into the room, jumped on the couch next to me, snuggled and said with a sparkle, "Come on, admit it, mama! You must love me the best because I am the most fun of all your kids."

Followed by, "Nuh huh! She loves me best because I help her the most and you just get into trouble!"

And so the conversation escalated. My answer, "I love you the Nathanest! I love you the Joy-est!" You each have a place in my heart that only you can fit.

Personality--what a strange animal!

Perhaps you prefer one type of personality, and some personalities are surely easier to deal with. But the reality is, all personalities are holy to the Lord.

God gave me two introverts and two extroverts and a variety of different issues in between to shepherd. He expanded my soul and stretched me by challenging me to look at them from His eyes.

We live in a world that values conformity. We want to use our force, our power, our authority to make people, and our children, fit into the box. Be good. Be tame. Be moral. Don't bring attention to yourself. Don't contend or question the norm.

I remember a time when Nathan had brought some boys home from a class he was taking. A mile high pile of chocolate chip cookies, just out of the oven, was the enticement for them to stay around in my kitchen and jabber. One of the boys always called me, "Dude, mama." From him, it was a compliment. I had attained approval.

As they were talking, they said, "We thought Nathan was so weird when he first came into our class. He walked up to the teacher and introduced himself and said he was looking forward to being in the class. We all thought, 'Everyone knows you don't speak to a teacher in front of everyone else."

He then went on to say, "All of us learned by third grade to fit in, don't do anything that would call attention to yourself or you would be bullied by the whole group, all of your peers gang up against anyone who is different---everyone is supposed to fit in. So when Nathan comes and doesn't care what people think and makes friends with everyone, even the teachers, it blew our grid of norm.Truly, for a while, everyone thought he was a weirdo."

Quietness but fire underneath fits the description of one child, while steady Freddy, slow but dependable; funny, in your face charming, another. All have pushed my buttons through the years, but they have humbled me, too, in a good way. I now know for sure that I cannot control my children--they are free agents with a will and desires and dreams, all unique to the call on their lives and the personalities God gave them.

But, no matter the personality, I am called to shepherd them to love God, to teach and train them to have the character underneath that they will need to complete the tasks God gives them to do in their life time.

Most important, though, as a mom, I am called to control but to release them into His hands, as they are, to live out their uniqueness in a world that needs them to sparkle as God made them.

Nathan called me yesterday and said, "Hey, guess what, I got a new commercial with Nike! Keep praying, mom. God is opening doors."

This from the child who never fit into the box--always dreamed of something bigger, some way to influence the world. We are still waiting to see and spending time on our knees, but if I had followed the advice of those in the world who just knew "God's will" for us and told me to spank Nathan more, to make him fit in, I would never have seen God's will, would never had known the story of God shaping a young man's soul to be passionate for Him, to have the courage  to dream, and  to love him unconditionally with his stripes and spots--just as God had made him.

Training--the key to a godly character

Hey Sweet Momma, You're tons of fun and a great cook. Joy

Awakening to the darkness of an early day, I sleepily sauntered into the kitchen to make my early morning cuppa. Joy had thought ahead and placed this napkin message on the place she knew I would be making her breakfast. Taking her an early cup of tea each morning to awaken her and then making a hot breakfast of some kind and sending her off to her college classes with a prayer and a verse is our way around here these days. It is my way of filling her heart cup just a little before she forays off into the world of clashing values, a variety of challenges and people.

Showing what is in her own heart, gratefulness and the willingness to give back to me, is what warmed me when I found her sweet note. Gratefulness is not a natural character trait--it must be trainend, modeled, lived, practiced, cultivated.

So it is with all character. I often think that women that I speak with don't get the picture of discipleship. Their minds think like this, "I clothe my children, I provide their basic needs, we go to church, we have a fairly Christian home, and I think it is enough for my children.

However, when I picture my children's souls as a garden and realize that greatness of character must be planted, cultivated, fertilized, watered, protected, removing weeds and bugs and all that would kill the garden of their soul, I understand that discipleship is very intentional. It must be a daily, moment by moment endeavor. It is a way of life input. Excellence of character is not an accident. It is a purposed goal, and it must be trained over and over and over.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I was reading an article about brains and it goes so well along with this verse. When children are very young, we can create pathways, deep highways of thoughts in their brains. We teach a truth and then we repeat it and then we practice it and so on, and each time a word and concept are repeated, it is like going over the path again and it creates deeper pathways and broader highways of brain patterns, and when the brain integrates new ideas or words, it immediately goes to the pathway already established in order to integrate an idea. So the more we train, talk, verbalize, and give our children food for thought about this concept where they speak back and interact more about an idea, the more clearly this concept is set.

I love it when science elucidates biblical principles--train up a child, over and over and over and in many different ways and in many different scenarios, and when he is old, it will be the first go to response of the adult because it is a deep pathway in his mind.

That is why children must be attended to by their parents---otherwise the soil of their hearts will just be subject to whatever else is planted their if the intentional planting and gardening is not well established. Whatever is planted, fertilized, watered and given sunlight will grow deep roots in their souls.

So many children just have fallow ground for their heart--not much intentionally planted, and so seeds and weeds and blown in by the wind and take over the uncultivated ground.

Training, then, will be the topic of some of my near articles, in between all the rest of life issues as I write about them.

So, today, what do you want to plant? What character qualities do you want to harvest in the lives of your self and in your own children?

Straining to hear His voice today, so grateful He is here

We need silence to be alone with God, to speak to him, to listen to him, to ponder his words deep in our hearts.  We need to be alone with God in silence to be renewed and transformed.  Silence gives us a new outlook on life.  In it we are filled with the energy of God himself that makes us do all things with joy.  Mother Teresa need silence to be alone with God, to speak to him, to listen to him, to ponder his words deep in our hearts.  We need to be alone with God in silence to be renewed and transformed.  Silence gives us a new outlook on life.  In it we are filled with the energy of God himself that makes us do all things with joy.  Mother Teresa

A few years ago, one of my children was spending time getting to know a friend who seemed a possible candidate for a serious relationship. However, when spending time with this precious one, she seemed to be interested only in herself. She talked all the time, spoke of herself all the time, and never engaged anyone else with a question or interest in their lives.

I am a bit shy at heart. I do not easily reveal what is going on inside and honestly, it is rare for someone to take the time to talk to me about what is going on inside of me. I realized then, that I feel closest to those who want to know me personally. One who takes the time to ask my questions that engage my heart, my interests, my dreams--someone who wants to hear from the inner most part of my heart--this is the one I grow to love, because a conversation between two souls will take place.

And so, I realized it must be with God. If anyone had anything to say, it must be Him, all wisdom and truth--and so I realized, I need to go into His presence, not always talking about myself, but to be there to listen, to seek His heart, to know His perspective.

But to do this, I have to stop--the noise, the voices, the people, the responsibilities.

Oh, God, let me hear you today.