In quietness and trust is your strength

me, Sarah and Joy walking on a wooded path, alone and yet together-a precious heritage of peace. (Joel, sneaking a picture behind us!)

"Sometimes the most urgent thing you can do is take a complete rest." Ashleigh Brilliant

Anyone who knows me well or has read any of my books, knows that I am an avid walker. Wildness if preferred--away from the crowds, in nature, hopefully, in some silence. When I lived in big cities, I would look for parks or back streets, or interesting cobblestoned roads, where I could lose myself in invisibility.

Why? Because my life is constantly demanding and people are taking from my soul and heart and mind and body on a regular basis, all the time.. I know that if I do not refuel and rest and get away, I will be an empty vessel.

Walking is a sort of therapy for me. I can be still in mind, get all of my adrenalin out, and it seems it gives the Lord access to my soul away from those who would "want" me or from the tasks that would steal more energy from my body and heart. When my children were very little, I would bundle them up, squish them into a stroller and take them along. Whatever it took to get me away from the sounds, demands, enticements of things that would steal from my energy or take from my soul--and into a place of rest.

God says to us, "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46: 10

and "In quietness and trust is your strength."Isaiah 30: 15

In the midst of this coming holiday--this holy day, may you find rest for your souls, strength for your body. May you exercise Sabbath rest, in some small way this weekend, that you may have joy and wisdom for the days ahead, in which you will be busily investing your time and love to those who need you.

Peace be with you, the Lord is near.

Happy goes a long way

Gentle, wonderful, Joel

Happy Birthday on Saturday. I adore you and who God has made you!

Mail was piled high in stacks on the dining room table. Suitcases were in various stages of being unpacked in every room. Dirty clothes were in several piles, and a general mess all around. I called all the kids in for a pow-wow and with tears in my eyes, said, "We have so much work to do and we all need to pitch in to get the house cleaned up. I am feeling so overwhelmed. (a few more tears).

My 6'5" son, threw his arm around my shoulders as we sat on the couch,"Mom, please don't fret and be sad. When  you are sad, we feel guilty and sad, like we've done something wrong. When you're happy, we feel all is right with the world. We can all clean this up pretty quickly--and then it will just get messed up again and then we will clean it up again. But, Mom, lighten up. Be happy and then all will be ok with our world."

And so, my last thoughts on the subject, if you love your children post, practice happiness, put on music, create a joyful environment. What you practice you will become.

"Happy" is not a feeling depending on circumstances, but a choice I make and practice. In my years as a mother, I was often alone, lacked help, resources, had dark areas within the circumstances of my life most years, but I knew that in Christ I could be an overcomer. I determined not to be a victim, but to cultivate in the garden of my soul what I wanted to be, by his grace. I lit candles because I needed beauty to remind me of what I wanted my soul to be. I invested in joy because I wanted to move in the direction of joy.

Joy and mercy and happiness and giving this to others is a commitment of faith saying, "I believe, God, that you are good, and so I will practice the kind of attitudes I am always telling my children that they can choose to have.

But, really, truly,  a happy mother makes everyone feel like they are on top of the world. Children long for a happy mom and parents who love each other in front of them, and a house full of mirth and laughter and grace. It makes them feel secure, hopeful, glad to be a part of the group, and just plain happy.

Thanks, Joel, for all the wisdom you have imparted over my years, :),  and the grace you always give me. I simply can't wait to see you and hug your neck and talk and talk and have fun and watch movies--you know how much fun we will have.

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And PS, Joel is a fantastic composer. If you want to give him an early birthday present, you can buy some of his music here, as well as becoming a fan by "liking" his Facebook page, where he's going to start giving updates and news. You can also listen to a short clip of a piano piece below, a traditional carol he is arranging for a new, short Christmas album, coming out soon! (place your curser on Sussex Carol!)

Sussex Carol  by joelclarkson

Selfish, self-absorbed people are never happy--train it out of your children!

Dirck van Baburen

"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. John 13:14

Children can easily become the focus of well-intentioned mothers. Wanting to meet their needs, win their hearts, give affection, speak words of life, give the best input and instruction and lessons, and before the family knows it, the child is the center of life. Now, moms do need to return their hearts toward home. But, Christ, His kingdom and His work must always be the center of our lives.

And if the reason we are staying home is to serve our and train our children for His glory, then we must always understand, He is at the center, and His kingdom work is at the center of our lives. Our children are not a big enough goal, only serving Him is big enough for a work of life.

We all know what it is like to be around a whiner or selfish person who has to be treated special, whose needs must always be met for them to be happy--the ones who must be in the center of attention. And perhaps you are married to a selfish person--or maybe you are one! But selfish adults come out of homes where the selfishness was not curbed or trained out.

Consequently, to really love a child, means to consider what is best for the long term character of the child. Because all of us are sinful and oriented to ourselves, a part of the training of a loving mom, will be to train her child away from his natural self and lead them and help them learn to give up their lives in service of others.

"Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend." John 15: 13

Our Master and Lord, modeled servant leadership by washing the dirty feet of his disciples--a lowly job, for sure. The creator of the universe bowing his knee to wash the feet of his own precious children that He crafted in the womb of their mothers. Truly this is a picture of parenting from Jesus that required reflection--only love could compel the God of the universe to humble himself in such a way.

Jesus reminds us, "I am humble and meek, learn from me." Learn from me--has he ever said that in any other scripture? Learn from me--if I the teacher and Lord bowed, then you should also do so.

So modeling servant leadership, speaking gently, loving others generously, giving up your time, your body, your convenience, your patience--if he did it, over and over again with the disciples, to show them how to live in service of others--he had compassion on them, then so we must do as mothers. It also means you must be spending hands on time with your children, not leaving them to one more dvd or cartoon or game boy adventure action software, but you have to plan, give attention to this, to build this into their lives.

However, when we look to Jesus' life, we see that he got the disciples involved. "You divide up the food and your serve them the fish and loaves." "You go two by two and proclaim the gospel." and so on.....

How do we teach our children to give up their time, their bedroom, their lives to others?

1. Teach your children to share from the very beginning. Teach them to give up something valuable. "You are such a strong boy and I can see that Joy needs your help. Would you please help her carry her box of toys to her room?"

"The mom and dad at this home only ordered 2 large pizzas, 10 people showed up at this Bible study that they were not expecting. Let's stay back and let the others eat first so that we can be sure there is enough for all the people who came. We can order a pizza on the way home."

"It costs a lot of money to order drinks, so we will just order one and share or just drink water." (I can still remember Sarah and Joel with big eyes at a party when someone gave them a soft drink of their own. "Mom, can we really have this all by ourselves?" The having to share and learning to give helped them to be more thankful. Children who have learned to not have all of their needs met, are always more grateful for a special occasion when they get something wonderful.)

Whatever ways you can, make sure that you do not allow your children to be the exceptions--the ones who demand that food be just right, that they have their own way, that they deserve every need met, every toy. I have seen so many well meaning families teach all the Bible studies, have their children learn all the AWANA verses, but their children's hearts were poor because they served themselves first.

2. Teach your children the stories of the little boy who gave all he had and fed 5000. Teach them the scripture about Jesus giving, and any other stories. Make them memorize scripture and songs that put this in their hearts. Train them with The 24 Family Ways to give them the language and values of scripture and servanthood. (24 ways on my side bar--a training tool for parents and on our web site."Show them that Jesus looked out on the crowd and had compassion--and say, "I wonder who needs our compassion. Let's look out for people God brings our way to encourage or to give something to."

3. Plan real things for them to do. Have them give up their rooms for company and sleep on the floor of your bedroom. Then praise them for giving and require them, gently, to share or give or serve. Let it be the oxygen of your home to pray for, love, encourage and serve others.Then make meals for those who are ill, where your children help. Have them make cards or pick flowers. Have them give one of their toys to a child. Let them be the ones who give the meals, cookies or whatever.

Have them save some of the money they are given to give to missions or the poor. Let them adopt a compassion child. Have them write a letter. Pray for God to show you ways to help them learn to serve, forgive, love, give beyond their selfish self.

I have always said to my children, "Selfishness is natural. Generosity is supernatural and comes from letting the Holy Spirit talk to us and teach us how to give. I just know He is going to use you greatly in the world." (and so on, fighting is natural, loving is supernatural--what choice will you make--to serve yourself or your flesh or to live supernaturally and become God's love and grace to a world that needs redemption.

From the time our children were tiny, we had them serving at our conferences. The 3 and 4 year olds learned to greet at the door with a basket of chocolates and say, "Welcome to our conference--we are so glad you are here." Or they would pass out notebooks or put hearts on the tables, or pray with us, sitting in our laps as we prayed for all the moms who would attend our conferences.

As Jesus took His disciples with Him everywhere He went and engaged the disciples in his work, so we took our children everywhere with us and they learned to work by our side. It is always more trouble to take your children with you or to come up with ways they can serve--as you will be much more efficient as an adult. But the work done by a child builds his heart self-image as "I am someone who has something to give."

If you love your child, and you want them to be unselfish in marriage, friendship, work, in all venues of life, then you must do the hard work of daily requiring them to grow a little stronger, give a little more and model to them serving their needs and loving them, so that they are familiar with how wonderful it feels to be served. It is a two sided coin---serving generously in their lives, requiring them and helping them to learn to serve others generously--the sacrifice of self and the validation of having loved another.

Teaching them to live like this takes years and lots of time and planning, but you will give them the gift of an unselfish heart and character that will give them contentment and self-control and a heart that serves the rest of their lives.

Creating Spaces of personal time, focussed on hearing hearts

This is Joy, spontaneously  jumping in for a picture at an elite shopping mall in Boston, sharing the stage with a manikin. She has made me smile so much in my life and is an angel gift from God.

After 3 children, 3 miscarriages and selling all of my maternity stuff as almost 42, God gave me an angel gift. Her name is providentially, Joy. She is an out of the box, lovely, hysterical, spiritual, extravert, great actress, singer-songwriter and confident from the get go.

What a fun way to end my mothering career of the time in which my children will be at home. I am cherishing this time with Joy and enjoying her being a teenager and a young woman all at once.

This Sunday morning might be one of my best memories for a long time. Joy and I, in our jammies and crazy bed hair, sat close on Sarah's bed, (we miss her so sometimes we sit in her room.) sipping Mochas I had made, with candles lit and she and I just talked and giggled and shared our thoughts and ideas for almost an hour. She got my computer and played several songs for me that meant something to her, that she had listened to at midnight the night before.  I have learned to love Joy's songs and listen to them on my own computer and download them, because they are very dear to her. My almost 60 year old self has learned to love the songs my teens and 20's are listening to--it has given me a window to their hearts.

I do not expect them to conform to me--I let them be who they are at this season of life and I have adjusted my own age expectations to enjoy and really delight in who they are at every stage. It has brought me much pleasure. But I had to give up a little of my selfish self to enter their world. And so did God, and became Jesus.

As with all of my children, though, Joy does not respond to the same kind of mothering as the others did. I had to study her and observe her to find out what was in her heart--her personality, what spoke love to her and how to fill her heart's cup so that I could reach her heart with a love for Jesus.

Discipleship is always an issue of relationship. It is not about curriculum, church attendance, rules, indoctrination, but always about reaching the heart.

I look back and see how different it was with all the kids.

I remember when Nathan was a little boy, and often challenging the boundaries, I had to study him. He was a little of a mystery as my other two had been more compliant and I thought that it was because I was such a great mother. Then God gave me Nathan and I realized I needed a different way of mothering.

One night when Clay had taken the older two to church and left Nathan home with me because he had a cold, I sat wearily in an overstuffed chair and said, "Hey, you want to climb into the chair with me?'

I remember he snuggled in and then began to talk. He talked for 45 minutes without stopping, as long as I said, "Really?" or "Oh!" or how funny!" After he had talked for almost an hour, he said, "I love you, mom!" And then he jumped out of the chair and went to play. He was 5 years old.

I was pondering this event--him sitting still for this long and talking and talking and talking, and suddenly it dawned on me--"He is an extravert and he needs people, activity and wants to talk and be heard."

So, I learned the way to Nathan's heart was spending time alone with him, listening to him--his dreams, his thoughts, his ideas, his feelings. As long as I made alone time with him, he would listen to me and try to obey.

Same with Joy. If she felt lost in the crowd, she would get louder, perform, call attention to herself. And then if I went to her room or sat on the porch and sipped lemonade or made a special tea time in my room just for her, she would talk and talk and talk. And then her heart would be open.

Now, Joel would just withdraw and be grumpy or get irritated.  He was not a "mis-behaver"! But if I made personal time with him away from the group, he would bubble over with talking to me--he was an introvert, just like Sarah. Neither of them would compete openly with the others for heart time, but I had to assume they needed it and then carve a planned time in the midst of my busy schedule and make it happen. This opened the window of their heart to develop a great, strong, deep friendship. Each child responded differently and I had to figure out what they liked and what communicated personal love to them, and then I saw their little and big hearts opened. And as it happens, I found that Clay did not want to compete with the kids and I had to learn to get time with just us, so I could hear him and know what was going on. If I did not create the time for us, it would never happen.

Now, I had 4 children, homeschooled, traveled with Clay and spoke and had a ministry and wrote books. So, it was not easy to carve out this time. I did not have this time every season. But when I observed Jesus's influence on his disciples and saw how he spent time personally with them, away from the crowds, and affirmed them uniquely for their personality--(John, the disciple Jesus loved; Peter, the rock; Thomas, a man in whom there is no guile.") I began to realize that each of us wants to be defined by God's unique personality that he created, and to be validated for who we really are in a personal way.

But when I would plan my week, because my sweet ones were a priority, and I believed that this was the way to win their hearts for the Lord,  I would plan in "little dates". I looked for it in the busy moments and tucked them in here and there. When they were little we were always a gang together, but I would look for ways to snuggle them in my room all by themselves. (Yes, my children shared rooms and that kept them from being lonely, but still they needed mama, sympathy time.)

I kept cookie dough balls or fruit, nuts and cheese chunks available all the time and when my radar told me that someone was not doing well or was angry or having problems, I would have a private, 15 mintue "Tea time" with them, just to talk and take emotional temperature.

I found when they were teenagers, because I had invested "me" time with them, I was always the go to person for them when they had secrets, fears, problems. And Clay and I would have times in our bedroom, behind closed doors when we would counsel and talk. As teens, I would take my boys out, by themselves, for breakfast every week or two, just to keep the channels of conversations going. For Sarah, it was a Saturday morning walk and coffee at a French cafe,  for almost 8 years, and for Joy, it was breakfast alone in her room or mine at least once a week, away from all the teens.

Must off to my day, Joy will be home from her college class soon and I like to be home when she is fresh with the news of her day. But, just remember, your children are like you--they long for love, listening--not always advising, and a heart that delights in them. But it doesn't just happen, it must be planned.

A Heritage of Loving Words aimed at the heart

Just a tiny little note before I get into the tradition that shaped our children's heart to loyalty.

I was so very touched and moved by your many comments from my last blog post. I wish I could adopt all of you or at least have you as neighbors. What fun we could share together, what encouragement we could give to one another. I am praying that each of you will find someone, an angel friend, who can come along beside you in this very demanding and long journey. Thanks ever so much for leaving your comments. The Lord is keeping you on my heart. Grace and peace in your day!

Now---the Birthday! Celebrating Birthdays

Always, bubbling around in my mind, were ideas of how to build a legacy and memories deeply into the pathways of my children's hearts. The purpose was that they would have a sense of security, ties to the Clarksons and our heritage, a Biblical sense of self, and lots of love. Consequently, each birthday was full of tradition.

Birthday breakfast was the sacred time of family celebrating each other no matter what else transpired the rest of the day. Each child would be greeted in their rooms with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and one child would wait with them there while we finished up the breakfast feast. No one was allowed to come down until all was complete.

The table would be laden with presents, cards, and all would be wrapped, even if it was something from the dollar store. Our special china or tea dishes would be used to heighten the splendor of the occasion. Breakfast was almost always the same: Mama's special scrambled Eggs (sour cream, cheese, bacon and eggs) and of course our famous Clarkson cinnamon rolls. (Really just a recipe of rolls I concocted over the years, but became bigger than life from me sharing our tradition in our books.)

I know, I know, you will want my recipe--it will come sometime!

The birthday child is then marched down the stairs, blindfolded, and then presented to the table. The feast is consumed, the presents opened and then follows the best part.

Each year, since they were wee little people, all of us would individually give a verbal encouragement and intentional love gift aimed at the heart of the child. "I really appreciate you because".....and then follows specific character qualities all of us have observed over the year, strengths that have developed, ways that the child has blessed our family. I would not have expected young children to do well at this, but after a couple of times, all of the kids took it very seriously and really invested their words. "You are such a talented singer-songwriter and I admire the way you have developed as a pianist." or "You have really been an encouragement to me this year when I needed to know I had a friend." or "I have really been inspired to walk with God more closely this year because of the thoughts and ideas you shared in our family devotions."

You can almost see the soul and heart of the child being filled up, and the personal appreciation and confidence swell in front of you. Then we would all hold hands and pray blessings over the child. Everyone at the table prays--for their future, their dreams, their desires, their marriage, all that they have asked.

As I have pondered the death of my mom, and the various relationships influenced by her death, I have realized that words have consequences, as do lack of words. Today is the time to invest, as there may never be another time and then a heart can be empty for lack of initiation. Consequently, I have recommitted to speaking to those I love ,of their worth to me--taking the initiative to let family and friends know that they really mean a lot to me or have invested deeply in my life. Words should be said, words should be planted in people's souls. Words not said can leave a vacuum.

One of the wonderful consequences of years and years of practicing this together has built a habit amongst my children of becoming free with their encouragement to me and to others. I have received the most wonderful cards where they freely articulate my worth in their lives, and have greatly sustained me in my own times of need. Pretty much, my children have grown into my best friends, and it has been so worth the investment of love aimed at their hearts, because now, it is coming back to me. I do not have a lot of outside family or strong relationships, because of distance that has separated us, but I did not know the depth of gift I was giving myself ,by creating my own inner circle. And all of this, just by investing lots of love and grace and appreciation in my precious children, so that they would feel a safe, life-giving place where our friendship could bloom.

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PS If you set the table the night before and wrap the presents the day before (and all of the other kids help), and make the cinnamon rolls--the dough, and freeze it and then let it rise the morning of over a pot of simmering water, you don't have too much to think about when the day arrives--just scrambling a few eggs and making a pot of tea!  Most years we did get up at the crack of dawn to celebrate before Dad left for work--he left here around 8, but sometimes he delayed going to work until 9, or when they were older, on occasion we would wait till the weekend. But to the child, having it on their day, made it very special. Because they were usually excited, they were up early anyway!

He who sees in secret will reward you

Kraus

See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

I love this picture, a sweet, little girl, unconcerned, happy, delighting in the glory of the day and the flowers. The older I get, the more I picture myself as such a girl. Resting and playing in God's land and leaving all my cares in His hands. A child should not carry the burdens of the Father, but just leave them in His hands.

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I have the privilege of hosting several Bible studies with precious young moms in my home. I love each and every one of them, and they are my dear friends.  They give so much and are so very sincere in wanting to do the best they can to love and serve their families. Different stories, different puzzles. Some must work. Some must live alone while their husbands travel. Others are single and alone. Others just wonderfully trying to live with these little ones who want to eat and wear reasonably clean clothes every day and want mama one more time.  Often there are children with difficult issues. And of course, many of these families struggle with financial problems. All of these sweet ones are so very precious and their stories matter for eternity.

Over the last weeks, I have polled my sweet moms, "How many of you  have a grandmother or someone in your life who helps you take care of your children, who gives you a break, who is personally taking responsibility to help nurture and disciple your children? How many of you have someone who comes along beside you to help and pray for you?

I was shocked--almost no one--only a very small few out of over a hundred that are in my various groups. This should not be. Where have all the mother's, grandmother's gone? Do they not understand that their grandchildren are also their responsibility--to disciple, a stewardship of their own spiritual lives and influence? That God will hold them accountable for helping raise a godly generation by supporting their own children's call as a family?

I spent most of my  years of mothering without support systems, help, prayer or babysitting. Often, I can remember sleeping from exhaustion when I fell into bed, and yet, I would awaken in the wee hours of the morning with brudens of fear, worry, questions about all that I was carrying in my heart and in my life.

I would pour out my heart to God, and one more day, He would take me through. He was my advocate when I had no other. His Spirit kept me going and filled in the cracks that I was not able to. He gave strength and somehow, in spite of all of our own flaws and vulnerable places and immature lives, God saw. He saw me on my knees. He saw my heart that was fearful but wanted to trust. He saw in secret and beyond my expectations, and in spite of my limitations as a mom and wife, He worked.

He still sees and carries me one day at a time. He is my strength, and salvation. But His design was for me and for all of us to have His hands through a community of believers who would help, love, give encouraging words.

I have been up this morning early and prayed for you--you sweet precious ones who feel as though your life is invisible. You are seen. He hears the plees of your weary heart. He longs to sustain you and support you. He who sees in secret will reward openly. I pray you will know peace, rest, beauty in the midst of this very important journey.

I think that all children--the young ones and the adult ones, like me,  need an advocate--someone who cares for them personally and who will help them and look out for them. I believe that a mother is supposed to be that--a cheerleader who whispers from behind, "I am on your team. I love you. I will help you. You will make it. I am proud of you."

I am sorry for all of you who are not blessed to have an actual mother who understands that important role in your life.  I understand your journey as it was often my own.

But I do want you to know, you have an advocate in Him. His will today is for you to find His joy and blessing and to enjoy life. He is doing an invisible work that is beyond what you could accomplish yourself. He is faithful. He will reward every decision of faith that you make in the darkness when no one else sees, He sees. It is your integrity, your spiritual service of worship, to believe even in the invisible, weary moments of your life. He is with you and has a heart for all children--even you.  He is the one who cast the flowers upon the field for his child to enjoy.. He is the one who is willing make all things in your life beautiful in His time.

And I am praying you will know His gentle, generous love for you today. Have a lovely weekend.

Beauty: The Bridge to Awaken hidden places of the soul

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.Albert Einstein

Children are born to wonder, to explore,  pry, to ask, to pretend, to believe, to trust, to celebrate, to giggle, to laugh, to create, to love. When I pictured my children's souls, I pictured them as a treasure chest to fill with jewels of beauty, truth and wisdom and experiences that would make their hearts, souls and minds so rich, that they would have a wealth of treasures to draw from the rest of their lives. A rich soul must be filled intentionally with elegant masterpieces of creation, magnificent compositions of music, alluring feasts, gentle touch, exquisite art, masterpieces of thought, spiritual inspiration. Then from the richness invested there, fruit will come forth.

Our homes can become that place of creativity, where a meal can become a candle-lit half-hour that creates life-changing conversation, as in the above tea time I made for Joy a couple of weeks ago when we had been far too busy and were quite exhausted. (I also used to, and still do make these hidden moments of civilized conversations with my boys, and they liked it just as much. I just considered what food or way of talking them would like, and served them accordingly.) Our souls needed rest and refreshment. It was a simple meal from what was in the fridge, but with candles, and roses I had bought at Sam's, it became a celebration of our friendship. I even used to do such things in a smaller way when my children were babes.

When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator. Mohandis Gandi

This morning, I arose early to spend time with the Lord, and I asked Him to speak to my heart and I poured out my heart with requests and faith and worship. As I was sitting quietly, alone in the darkened room with flickering candle light as my companion, my eyes were drawn to the window and vibrant pinks, purples, deep blues were strewn across the pallet of the early morning sky. The Lord indeed spoke to me and the heavens were declaring His artistry and giving peace to my soul. Beauty draws us to the creator's glory and fills our hearts with wonder and worship, and puts us in our right place.

When we love our children well, we will paint the exquisite color of His reality in the way we express life art throughout our homes, so that our children can begin to believe that for them, our home is the best place to be. I have lived in tiny, aged 900 square foot homes that leaked water down the sides of the wall, (Vienna); a small but efficient  4th floor walk-up apartment that looked over industrial towers of smoke, (Poland), and  a sprawling, charming cottage with views of land, (Tennessee). It does not matter what the size or shape of a home, it is the artist-creator ceo of the home that brings a place to life.

Friday mornings are the time I take Joy out to breakfast each week, to validate our friendship, to talk about all bubbling up in our souls from a week of be fully alive and to have the opportunity to speak into her soul, even as a young adult. But these moments of pouring in, started when she was small, in the confines and moments of our many homes of 17 moves!

As we awakened, she and I sat on her bed talking about CK Chesterton's Orthodoxy book and funny incidents in the book, as he is a hysterical man. (For those of you who don't know him, he was a British Christian Author, whose book Orthodoxy is a classic, challenging Christian book on faith, much like Mere Christianity.)

On our way to the small, French cafe this morning, where they have the best chocolate croissants and lattes, we listened and sang to Rich Mullen's "Peace I leave to you," and "Hold Me Jesus" which deeply ministered to my soul--what an artist he was before he was killed in a car accident. He is a friend of our family because the kids grew up with his songs playing through hours of driving in the mountains.

While munching on our warm croissants, Joy told me the story of C.S. Lewis's "Till We Have Faces" and how much it really changed her perspective of suffering this life.

Then, on the drive back home, we sang to Phantom of the Opera at the top of our lungs, because we had fallen in love with the music when we saw the play together last year. The songs are breath-taking-ly beautiful! My boys like Les Miserable, and we all used to wash dishes to Josh Groben, which I would play loudly as the kids were cleaning. (Also, some up-beat Christian music was a favorite to keep them on track!)

These rich tastes of life came from years of living fully, engaged in the best I could find. I was not educated in these areas until I began to make it my goal to become familiar with some of the best in music, art and literature as a portion of what I would put into my children's souls. I became civilized and educated as I sought to civilize and educate them.

I remember in the Anne of Green Gables movie, there is a part when she is visiting with a wealthy Aunt of her best friend, Diana, in the Charlottetown, one of the larger cities of Prince Edward Island. Anne had just made a comment to the Aunt that even though she was having fun in the big city, she preferred her small town. Then a soloist sang an aria from Opera that thrilled her soul. After she heard the song, Anne remarked, "I will never be the same again."

And so it is when we open our children's souls to fine tastes of the beauty of life. The picture of Christians as those who can compose the finest music (The Messiah, or Bach's worship music), the greatest literature, (C.S. Lewis and others), live the best stories, (Hudson Taylor opening China), be the best testimony, (Eric Liddel in Chariots of Fire or Wilberforce in the movie about his life), follow the best heroes by listening to Bonhoeffer's history in the Focus on the Family radio drama), then they develop their tastes all the best and most beautiful in life and become what their own souls have been fed.

Consequently, each of us has the freedom to live within our own means and by our own personalities and preferences. Creativity must not necessarily be extravagant or demanding.  But the passing on of beauty and love and excellence as we see fit, cultivates in them a vigor and love for life that will last them throughout their lives. Investing in their souls, with the art of God,  speaks to them deeply and satisfies them surely and assures them of the abiding love of a civilized mother.

If you really love your children, turn off your computer, cell phone and tv and read!

Renoir

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be -- I had a Mother who read to me. Strickland Gillian

"Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion."Anne Rice

Children are pre-wired by God to long for knowledge and skill. It is why the average 4 year old asks 100 questions a day. Children also thrive when they are given grand resources in their souls--a vocabulary worthy of thinking great thoughts, grasping interesting ideas, discovering wisdom and knowledge.

One of the greatest ways we can love our children is by cultivating in them a love for learning, cultivating their intellect, and giving them a broad base of education. Research widely acclaims, in every venue of research, that a child who is read to will have a larger capacity for solving problems, a greater vocabulary, a greater ability to solve problems, is more socially adjusted, tests better, is more likely to become a leader, and the list goes on and on. This great habit of life is not developed by saying to your children, "Read!"

It is a habit that a wise woman cultivates at every possible moment. It must be planned, practiced, cultivated, acted on--do not think that anything else can replace this wonderful gift you can give to your children! There is nothing more miraculous for the soul or to draw children to your ideas of faith, than to invest long hours of reading profoundly together!

When we invest in our children's intellect and mental prowess, we give them a confidence and skill in life that will serve them all the days of their lives. But, developing reading as a delight and as a life-long habit requires choices. We must limit media for ourselves and for them--as they pick up what we model.

But we must also, at the earliest age, pick up our babies and hold them in our laps and talk and read to them if we want to pass on this skill and habit and mental strength. A reader does not just happen by chance, it is a cultivated habit, a discipline of life. And if you want to give your children a broad and deep soul, reading to them and spending time engaging in stories is an invisible gift that will serve them the rest of their lives.

People have asked me, how did you raise a child who was able to score a perfect score on one of Harvard's entrance tests? I held Sarah in my lap with little picture books from the time she was a wee baby. I would point to Richard Scary pictures of toys or bodies or animals and would say the word and the sound the animal made and she would point to them and say the words. I read sweet picture books every morning and every night. (love Eloise Wilkin as an Illustrator as all of her paintings are beautiful and family friendly, so I collected these books.)

I used interesting voices and dramatized and laughed and boomed whenever a story required it. By the time she was 3 years old, reading with me was a delight and we had read together hundreds and hundreds of hours. She loved cuddling up with her blankie or a small cup of her favorite juice or drink or just sitting in my lap and it became a bonding time for us as we shared stories and characters and life and interests together.

Next came Joel and he just squished in with us. Even Nathan, (positive peer pressure, you know--if the other kids did it, he followed suit), and reading out loud became a habit.

We must observe that God told us about himself through story--all the old testament stories are about real people who captivate our imagination. Jesus told stories constantly to teach a lesson. And so stories of great people, interesting histories, epoch or interesting or humorous tales, captivated them for hours,

I think if you asked all of my children what were the most defining habits that tied our family together, all of them would say "Reading together."

John 1 tells us that Jesus was the "Word." We were made to people of words. Words give us truth, knowledge, ideas, character, patterns for life, inspiration, companionship, conviction, encouragement, intelligence. There is no end to what I could say about the importance of words and their connection to all of the rest of our lives.

How do we develop a love for words? By talking and reading and engaging in great ideas and discussing great ideas. Many women I know are planning their children's year and measuring much of what they hope to accomplish by activities they are going put in their children's schedule and by classes their children will take and by curriculum on which they will spend all of their resources.

Many people ask me all the time, "What curriculum did you use to determine that your children would become academically excellent and score so well on their tests and get into such good colleges and get those scholarships? How did you give your children Biblical convictions so that they love the Lord and want to serve Him?"

First, let me say, it is all by God's grace. He resides in our home fully with life, truth, and dominion. But, the way God worked through our days was through reading, reading, reading--discussing each and every night, morning, noon and afternoon. Baskets of books everywhere--in all of the rooms, even the bathrooms!

I determined that I would expose my children to the best and wisest authors and minds and stories that would build the foundation of their souls and that would give them truth (the Word) and that would inspire them to build a world view that provided for them to want to invest their lives in the history of this world for His kingdom. We read hundreds if not thousands of books. We discussed truth. We cherished wisdom and ideas and models throughout history. We made reading the priority and giving our children a love for reading and knowing a foundation for their lives.

How did Sarah become such a wonderful writer? By being read to profoundly. How did Joel do so well on his essays for all college entrance and get such high test scores? By being read out loud to! Why was Nathan compelled to write a book? Why did Joy start a blog? (her most recent one here--about books and about loving the Bible)

Because they loved learning, reading, thinking, teaching and sharing wisdom as a natural consequence of living in a world full of ideas and words. Not rocket science--just wisdom.

But, if you really want to give them this profound gift of love, you must stop all of the other things you are doing and read every day--every day--every day. If you wait until you have time, you will not do it--it must be a part of your rhythm of life and a priority.

Do not fill your schedules with unnecessary activities and lists of textbooks and unnecessary busy work--it will wear you out and demotivate your children.

Instead, delight in great stories, teach the word passionately. Greatly value and treasure words and ideas and history in front of your children so that they will fall in love with language and knowledge. (Of course it goes without saying--limit media to a reasonable amount--almost none when they are little and only a bit more when they are older until they are of age to be responsible for themselves.) You cannot expect children to fall in love with reading and thinking if they have media as an option all the time for babysitting them.

We still read outloud to our children. Sarah and Nate spent several hours a week this summer reading a several hundred page book together just for fun when they weren't working. No, they are not nerds. They are healthy, redblooded, fun, contemporary, highly convicted children. But they learned this habit of sharing great stories together and it became a part of their friendship and a part of their pleasure.

It started with our family culture--magazines in every corner of the house--creation science, nature, history, beautiful ones, captivating illustrations. Book baskets in every room--picture books, art books, history books, etc. Reading every day for an hour in the afternoon--a habit we still keep. And many other things.

So, be sure, no matter what else you do, in your planning to plan a great list of wonderful books to cozy up and read to your children all together. Make it a daily ritual. Cuddle up on the couch. Use great voices. Get excited. Pick exciting captivating stories. ........and and and and!

If we lose the gift of reading in this generation, we will lose the ability to reason, to understand God's greatness, to think well, to have convictions. We must keep literacy up! One of the most important works of our lives. If children do not learn to love to read, they will not become readers of the Bible--the best words. They will love reading if you read outloud to them and cherish them and celebrate great stories together with them in peace and joy.

"We read to know we are not alone!" C. S. Lewis

Be sure to remind them..........

Sarah and Joy, pals at the beach

First, I just wanted to thank each and every one of you who has written me an email or commented or sent me a message on Facebook of encouragement. I feel abundantly blessed to have such wonderful friends and do not deserve you--but am tickled to have such wonderful messages. It is a great encouragement to me in the midst of this season of life. I feel so very grateful to the Lord for all the ways He has worked, by His abundant mercy and grace and patience in my own life. Since I felt alone through most of my "mothering" years, I felt that the Lord wanted me to not leave others alone in this great and demanding call of motherhood, so my writing is a love and thanksgiving letter to Him and just a tiny bit of what I feel He wants me to do with my life in this season. I love you precious moms so much and know that you are changing the course of history by devoting your lives to discipling your children and showing them God's reality and love. No matter how weary you become, know this, your labor is not in vain and it indeed matters.

I am sorry I am not at a point to be able to answer email and comments, but I pray for you and ask God to show you His love every day.

How fun it is to write this series as a part of the blog hop for The Heart of the Matter--you will love this ten day blog hop with great ideas and writers! So here is my third article on how to show love to your children!

Throughout scripture, we are told to "Remind them, tell them, talk to them, and then again, remind them. Paul and Peter say it, Moses wrote about it as God dictated, Joshua said it, to constantly tell and remind and encourage all of the things that are important.

We are people who forget. One day we can be so very thankful for the miracles that God has wrought and then the next crisis we are in, we tend to forget that God sees us and that he is good and panic takes over.

"Why do the wicked prosper? Why don't you answer my prayers? Where are you?"

Our children will someday be in the world, (mine already are), where the voices will be crying out, "You just can't expect youth in your generation to be moral." or "You deserve, ....." Or "Your parents have archaic values," or "Everyone else is doing it."

Yet, when children have a strong sense of self and family and that they belong to something bigger and greater than themselves, they develop a self-image that they are not alone. They understand, (because we have told them a million zillion times,) that all of us are a part of a history that our family will make together. We say, I wonder how the Lord is going to use the Clarkson's in the world to bring His light to bear in this world? You must always be there for each other, you must always be loyal--we are here as a group who belong to each other. Remember that.

I think building strong ties of loyalty between and among siblings is so very important and creates positive peer love and pressure and in the end all of the kids watch out and pray for each other.

We see in the lives of the Israelites that even though God blessed them and gave them freedom from the Egyptians and sent them out rich and opened the Red Sea and sent quail and manna every day and a fire to guide them at night, still they forgot.

And so besides repeating the messages that I wanted to be deep in their souls, I created Memory Boxes for each child.

So, early in our children's lives, when they were old enough to be able to understand the meaning of their own history, I had them create their own history and memory box. We bought lidded cardboard boxes at an office store. They painted whatever they wanted to mark their box and we named them after each child, for instance, "The Wonderful History of Sarah," or whatever means a lot to your child.

Into this box goes all of the wonderful things that I want to help them remember who they are and what they stand for and how special their lives have been. Into the box goes:

Birthday and Christmas cards from all the family who love them--any special message they have received. These get their own large zip lock bag. This is all those cards that say, "you are my special grandaughter," or "Mommy and Daddy think you are our princess.

Also into this bag goes all of the I love you notes or I appreciate you that I have hidden in on their pillows or bathroom mirrors every year.

All awards and prizes go into this box--awana certificates, piano recital awards, group pictures of anything (dramas participated in, sports, summer programs, history group,--anything they have participated in and have won.)

There is a special big bag of all of their birthday celebrations with the family--pictures of them being celebrated--more on that another day!)

Birth certificates, baby foot prints, baby pictures, and any memorabilia that is important to them. Also, as they replace pictures and such from their rooms as they grow older, I put those in this box. Over the years, this box has become very full and heavy.

Samples of their writing or poems they have written or pictures they drew when they were little that were very special also go into a zip lock bag.

I took the time to write a little booklet of each of their stories when they were babies. Each story contains a history of how we prayed to God to give us a baby and that they were an answer to prayer. We also detail the hours of the day of their birth, how many people were excited that they arrived and how we chose their name. In this little book is a bit about how God has uniquely given them their own personality, their own color of hair, talents, likes and dislikes, with an ending page about "We can't wait to see how God is going to use you in the world."

We also took one family group picture every year and this goes into a picture book all its own.

Every year for the first years of their lives, I would collect 15 to 20 pictures that we had taken of them over the years. In their stocking at Christmas, they would get their own picture book--pictures of them with siblings, mom and dad hugging them, funny pictures, memory pictures, all placed in mind with the idea that we wanted them to feel that they came from a family who loved them, who celebrated their lives, and who were one for all and all for one. I would include sibling and family pictures where they were being loved or pals or celebrating life together because I wanted them to have a strong sense of family and how much we were all a part of each other. (Thus the picture of the girls being pals at a favorite beach will be in both of their minds.)

We stored these memory boxes in their closets. They were to be very special and not taken down often. On sick days or down days or snowy days, I would take down the box and let them put it on their bed. Each child loved having a box of memories about themselves--what love had gone into their souls, what the family stood for, how they were prayed into the world. It seemed to give them a deep sense of self worth and a history that was stored in their souls.

Of course there are some seasons when I could not do this just because life was so demanding--there are seasons when all al mom can do is just exist. But, all of the momentos that I would pick up over the years had a place to go--I would just throw it into their memory box. I have been amazed at how much, reminding them of their history and who they are and how much they are loved when they see the memories, has called each of them to a strong sense of "Clarkson-ness" They have roots, love, heritage and they are a people chosen and beloved and celebrated by God's love and our love. They will always have a place to belong and a place where they are safe and will be loved. And their memory boxes are a small way we have documented that love and history.

Close every day with a blessing

Mary Cassatt The Maternal Kiss

"And Jesus took the children in his arms and began touching them and He blessed them" Mark 10: 16

Last weekend when we were speaking at the Military Regional Women's Conference in Hawaii, someone asked Joy, my 16 year old daughter, to share how to reach the heart of your child or teenager, and she replied.

"Every night, no matter what, I knew that my mom would come to my bed and spend time with me and talk with me and pray with me before I went to bed. It was our time, where I could pour out my fears, my secrets, my confessions and my dreams. If you want to win your teen, you need to give them time to talk to you and bed time is a great time to do that."

I was a little surprised to hear her answer, that out of all the things we did, that came to her mind. But, early in our marriage, we heard someone speak about bed time being an important time for children and so Clay and I were very intentional about creating our own routines.

No matter what a day has held: fussing, conflict, excitement, drudgery, joy, celebration, hard work, putting the day to end well is a wise endeavor. When we understand this idea of blessing our child each night before they go to bed, it carries with it the idea of giving our children a peaceful heart. We give love to our child's heart when we tie all loose ends together with unconditional love by blessing them every night, putting to rest all of the burdens of the day and giving them into the hands of God. Every day, we ended in words of love and grace.

No matter what has transpired through out the day, we can close it by speaking to our child's heart. "I love you no matter what. Forgive me for my impatience today, please? Or I forgive you for your disobedience today. You are very precious to me. I am blessed to have you. You may go to sleep without bearing anger, or a guilty conscience, or fear, because I love you and God loves you and He will be with you. Sleep in peace, my precious."

Bedtime can be such a burden for an exhausted mom. Understanding that everyone's adrenalin is down helped me to remember not to cultivate conflict at night, but to wait for the next day to face problems head on, when everyone's bodies were more capable of dealing with issues. Please do not picture that our bedtimes were without struggle, but I think when you are intentional about making it an anchor of the day and guiding and leading your children into an expectation of the end of the day being relational, it becomes a grace to all that has transpired. But, bedtime gives our children one last impression of their whole day and it is a redeeming time of bringing and restoring and offering peace.

Clay and I had elaborate bedtime routines for our children when they were young so that they knew what was coming, and more easily submitted to the routine. As Nathan had some ocd about bedtime, we knew that if he could not remember the prayer and the kiss, he would not be able to go to sleep. So often, I would repeat a short prayer and say, "Now, I want you to remember this time, how much I love you and God loves you." And now I realize that children do not stay in this stage forever and one more kiss did not hurt me.

The Routine-- Bathtime, books, and the blessing

I had a very large tub in a couple of my homes. We would put the kids in with every imaginable toy in the world--whatever it took to keep them their and to give them a place to give up one last surge of energy. During this time, I would sit down and rest and read or have a cup of something, even if the dishes were still in the sink or the house was not cleaned up.  I would  just spend a few minutes restoring myself, because I wanted to be available to extend the last moments of the day blessing the kids.

Then we would take turns getting the children out, pajama'd, teeth brushed. Finally, if all was done in an orderly manner, we gathered in the living room for a short read aloud from a child's story book. This routine of expectation helped them to understand that bedtime and sleep time was coming. Our children seemed to thrive more easily on routine.

After we read, we would send the kids to the bathroom one last time, and then each child would be tucked into bed personally, touched or stroked on a forehead and prayed for and kissed. Every night we gave an "I love you," or "I am so very blessed to have you," or some intentional words of acceptance and encouragement."

I think positive peer pressure works well here. If you train your first child to this routine, "Now it is bedtime. We have bathed, read, prayed and now you get such a privilege--you get to snuggle in your lovely bed with your soft, cuddly stuffed animals and go into dreamland."

We always talked sweetly of their beds and made them as delightful as possible. When all the children work in routines together, the younger ones tend to follow the routine without much of a fuss. We often used words like, "You are growing so strong inside. You go to bed like a big boy or girl."

Often, as our children became older, the bedtime routines became longer because it meant night time talks in their rooms, sharing of hearts. With so many older children throughout my day, I knew that Joy would need just me time. From the very beginning, I would rock her and sing to her many songs and cherish her at night to make up for any distractions during the day. I would lay with her on her bed and talk and pray with her and this became our own special time.

Though it did require a commitment of heart and time on my part, as often we were ready to put the day away for our "own" time, I see now that this giving and ending with love meant so much to all of our children. Even now, it is sweet to see when the older kids are home, they all come upstairs to my bedroom--now they put me to bed, because they are staying up longer than me! Joel often sits on my bed for a half hour, just sharing his thoughts. It has become special to me--that my twenty something kids still come for a blessing, still want our affirmation and still won't go to sleep without the kiss and prayer.

Routines are often difficult to establish, but when cultivated, they become a habit that gives life, love and security. It is still a gift to me that I now get to share the sweet fellowship of my best friends, my children when they are home, to tie together all the lose ends, in love and peace.