A Little peaceful day, tucked in the middle of Life

Some days you just have to take time to enjoy life and put all the duties away for another day. Such is my day today. I will decorate, sip lots of coffee and tea, depending on time of day, eat too many calories and relax and take it all in. Today, I am determined to open my eyes to the color and my sweet ones, as I just need a day to move slowly instead of one more stressful, fast day.

The above stocking is one my mama made me so many years ago. She is not a seamstress but tried her hand at special projects. She collected buttons and charms from gum ball machines and made all of us kids a stocking, my 2 brothers and I,  hand beaded with all these treasures she had collected.

I am putting away all the Fall decorations. Saturday, after Thanksgiving is always the time our family decorates for Christmas.

Today, I will foster holiday love in our home as we all love our memories of Christmas together so much. I think there is something in the way we celebrate all together and make family recipes and sing and give gifts that captures a little bit of what heaven will be like--as our children long for it and enjoy the "togetherness" we have shared for so long and now have to wait to enjoy, when everyone can come home. Many I know love the thought of Christmas and family and home. Must be something of the closeness and love we will feel celebrating the love, intimacy and beauty of Christ when we are all together with Him in heaven. Love, warmth, beauty, pleasure, purpose all wrapped together in one package.

This year, Joel, Joy and I are the main cast with Clay observing and telling us what is straight and symmetrical. No lifting for him. We bought our tree and three wreaths. We can never have enough wreaths--as I use them at the front door, but also for the center of our coffee tables as well as my dining table. Makes for a very pine-filled home, and it is pretty natural with greenery all around.

We started out with butterscotch banana bread (a holiday treat from years past), eggs, homemade hash browns from red potatoes, and bacon. Made Joel a raspberry mocha coffee and Joy a chocolate mocha. We don't have this very often, but I had to bribe great work ethic and attitudes out of my work crew, as I was losing Joy at noon to dress rehearsal for Sense and Sensibility.

I probably have about 15 large plastic boxes full of Christmas stuff I have collected over the years, but I have gotten simpler each year and leave most of them in the basement storage. We used an artificial tree for years, but "natural everything" goes better with my emerging self and with Colorado. So, the past 5 years, we go out and choose our family tree.

I have arranged so many traditions for so long that we all know where things go without much thought. I promise pictures soon, but I am so comfy on my overstuffed chair, I do not want to get up to take pics!

The music has filled the house with Josh Groben's Christmas album, an old Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith, and Michael Card. Andrew Peterson and others will be out soon, with the traditional carols, and the old Majesty of Christmas album. We always have music going. And Joel and Joy have already been pounding out and singing some carols on the piano, while decorating.

Joel worked on the tree and red beads and lights while Joy and I each decorated one of our dining tables (one in the kitchen nook and one in the dining room.) One is with small, snow covered houses and greenery. The other formal with a cherished beaded table runner and candles, cranberries, pine cones, and wreath, and gold chargers.

Then came the stockings mantle in the living room, and the one in our den, with Swedish Dolls and greenery and a tall camel from the middle east; my grandma's hand made creche ceramic scene, filling a hall hutch; a collection of tiny creche scenes from Poland collected long ago. My Santa cookie jar from my own childhood. Candles everywhere. Christmas books out everywhere--on all tables, fire places, coffee tables, and many will be read aloud in the evenings.

Time for a break: Lunch, homemade whole wheat rolls heated to steaming hot with thin slices of turkey, mayonaise and cranberry sauce spread generously.

Now, for a little time of personal reading all alone in Sarah's room, with music and candles lit, an exciting feeling of hiding away, for delicious stolen moments to read, think, journal and ponder what God has been teaching me the past few days. It is beautiful and clean and artsy and colorful in her room and I still feel close to her being there, so will spend some moments here every day till she comes home. (So fun to see her for 2 days this week in the mountains, but of course not enough.)

Snowball cookies, the first of the season, will accompany our tea time today.

And then more straightening and putting boxes away and a happy heart to see the house peaceful and filled with the colors and smells of Christmas.

The Gift of a Spirit-filled Mama

Last Year's Table--this year, I will be in a retreat center, celebrating with new friends and family!

I am off for a 5 hour drive with Joel and Joy to Pagosa Springs, Co, where we will join Sarah and other families for a Thanksgiving celebration at a Summit Ministries Retreat. I haven't seen her in several months, so can't wait to talk and hug and hear all the adventures she has had. Tonight, I will make 110 homemade rolls to share at the feast tomorrow. Sweet Clay will be home resting, as 5 hours is a lot for a tender back to bear, but we will be thanking God for him!

I was thinking this morning about how to prepare myself for this wonderful holiday weekend. I love Thanksgiving and enjoy the feast. But sometimes with all the cooking and work and family and ideals flying about, we can find ourselves in the midst of a lot of extra stress. I wish I had known earlier in my life that holidays can be so delightful and so stressful. Children have more sugar, less sleep, have to share more, are in unexpected places, and so the potential for disaster is higher. Knowing this, the best way to arm ourselves is by clothing ourselves with the Holy Spirit and give them the gift of a Spirit-filled mom!

Galatians 5:22 "And the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control!"

So today, as I leave, I am going to mentally and spiritually clothe myself with:

Love--seeking to love, affirm, look at my sweet ones with eyes of gratefulness that they are my beloved

Joy--I am so blessed. God is good. He is with us. I will choose to be joyful in what He has provided

Peace--Peace will rule my inside no matter what happens, spills, fusses, pettiness, I will keep peace and give peace in every situation

Patience--If I choose to exercise my patience in every situation and prepare my heart to be patient in every situation, I will bring the music of God's heart to the atmosphere of our holiday--no matter who wants to destroy the harmony.

Kindness--Giving a kind spirit to each person, seeing their heart needs, serving them, will bring a spirit of His presence to my day.

Goodness--Because He is good, I will rejoice and be glad in the reality of His promises and in His willingness to provide

Gentleness--on a day heightened with emotion and expectations, I will bring Jesus' gentleness to each person, each moment. A gentle answer turns away wrath--today is not a time for confrontation or arguing--gentleness will soothe tired bodies

Faithfulness--I will be faithful to serve all in my wake--to do the hard work of cooking, washing, serving, that others might know the joy of celebration and beauty that comes from my heart of gratefulness to God for His faithfulness.

Self-control--I will also be a little more weary today. I will choose to control my spirit, my tongue, my attitudes, my complaining and give to God my worship through my spirit-controlled attitudes and heart. My thanksgiving will be through choosing to obey and submit my heart to Him, my precious Lord.

The voice of God was calling

I was sitting inside our den this morning, waiting for the tea kettle to boil, and checking my computer, when God called out to me. He had painted the sky for me and strewn cotton ball clouds all about between the lovely pinks and blues for my delight. I crept out on the porch with our beloved golden retriever and I listened.

He spoke to me of His power, His love, His presence, His desire to guide my life. I sat in the cool breezes and listened. I might have missed this moment if my ears were not attuned to listen and my eyes had not looked up to see Him.

Oh, may I listen attentively, look fervently, wait for you. To think that the God who threw the stars into their place would care that I was with Him. What an amazing, humble, gentle, generous God you are. May you know my love and praise of you this day and may I keep hearing you, listening to you, seeing your fingerprints in my life all day long in the midst of my very busy moments. I love you, sweet Father.

"They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden." Genesis 3:8

Please, Lord, may I never hide from you when you are looking for my companionship.

Today, I am smiling in my heart

First, as a Thanksgiving gift, I wanted to let you know, I will post a cinnamon roll recipe at the bottom because I will be making some today to celebrate Joel coming home tonight. Oh, I am as excited as a little girl. Can't wait to hug his neck. Love him so and find him to be a worthy best of friends.

Today, I awakened before the sun was up, tiptoed downstairs, made my Yorkshire tea, lit 5 candles in Sarah's room, (when I am in her room while she is gone, it makes me feel nearer to her), and read verses about how God forgives me--as far as the east is from the west--so far has he removed my sin from me. And also a dimly burning wick, He will not extinguish. He is so generous in His humble love toward me. I feel accepted, even though he knows my limitations. Oh, how grateful for His forgiveness.

Then, I read a chapter from a wonderful book, I highly recommend, The Rest of God, by Mark Buchanan.The chapter I read today encouraged me to be fully alive to the moment, not to hurry, but to rest, to open my eyes to see. I prayed and worshipped and then prayed that my children would open their hearts and eyes to Him today. Oh, let them see you and your beauty and love and please let them always worship.

Joy Forney and me at Relevant, I felt our spirits were so  kindred on multiple levels and fell in love with Joy.

Then, I opened my email and read a sweet, generous note of love from Joy Forney, and read her amazingly encouraging post, and felt so very grateful. Somehow, Clay and I have lived our lives in secret, when no one but God was looking, and no one but Him approved. And then we wrote from our hearts the secrets He was teaching, somehow, God used the magic of words of our little lives to encourage. Her blog post meant so much to me to see how He multiplies our meager faithfulness, as we give to Him the fish and loaves of our lives. I am humbled and ever so grateful.  And she is giving away 3 of our books--so you won't want to miss this.

And then, as I sat here, I heard soft, melodies sifting through the wall between me  in Sarah's room and Joy's bed where she was waking up and humming a beautiful song. It was a sort of fairy moment listening secretly to her sweet voice when she didn't know I was here.

And so, I am starting this Monday with a smile in my soul and am ever so grateful for His generous blessings of sweet early morning moments.

Here is the recipe! Enjoy. (This is not my original recipe that I will share some day--but one I use when I am in a hurry lately and very delicious!)

Sally's Holiday Cinnamon Rolls!

Ingredients

1. 2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast or 2 Tablespoons of bulk yeast (I use the bulk that I buy at Sam's--you don't have to mix it in hot water, and it almost always rises. If your yeast water does not rise, it is not fresh--throw it out as your rolls will not rise if you use this flat yeast!)
2. 1 3/4 cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
3. 1/2 cup white sugar or 1/3 cup maple syrup for sweetening (I use the brown turbinado sugar.)
4. 1 teaspoon sea salt (or regular salt)
5. 1/3 cup butter, melted and cooled
6. 1 egg, beaten
7. 2 1/4 cups whole wheat flour
8. 2 1/2 cups unbleached flour
9.   1/2 to 1  Stick butter for spreading
10.   Brown sugar to taste, cinnamon sugar to taste

 Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes.
2. Mix sugar, salt, 1/4 cup melted butter, egg, and whole wheat flour into yeast mixture. Stir in all-purpose flour, 1/2 cup at a time, until dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl. Turn dough out onto a well floured surface, and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes. (I just put my dough hooks on my Bosch mixer and let the dough mix for 5 minutes.) Lightly oil a large bowl, place dough in bowl, and turn to coat. Cover with a damp cloth, and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.
3. Punch down the dough and then roll it out into an oblong rectangle until it is about a quarter inch thick--depending on the thickness you prefer. 
4. spread 1/2 stick to 1 stick butter (1/4 to 1/2 cup) over the rectangle. Sprinkle dark brown sugar evenly over rectangle as thick or as lightly as you prefer. Next sprinkle cinnamon-sugar mixture over dough (I mix one spoonful of cinnamon to 6 teaspoons of sugar, mix it and put it in a parmesan cheese glass shaker, and use it all the time on toast.) Sprinkle the sugar mixture lightly or heavily, depending on how much sweetener you would like on your rolls--we like ours with a rich cinnamon flavor, so I put a lot!
5. Roll the rectangle of dough as tightly as possible from the long side toward the top of the dough. Cut rolls at about 1 to 1/2 inches and place into a 9x13 baking pan or jelly roll pan. Rolls can be touching on the sides. Allow them to double in size. Preheat oven to 350.
6. Bake in 350 oven for 15 to 18 minutes until slightly brown. (time will differ according to your altitude--I live at 7300 feet and so my baking and timing is a little different from those who live in lower elevations--so watch the rolls and don’t let them get too brown.)

 Frosting: After cooled, make a frosting of 1 stick softened butter, 1to 2 cups of   powdered sugar, sprinkled into the mix a little at a time, 1 1/2 t. of vanilla, and 1-2 tablespoons of milk, a little at a time as you want the frosting to be thick--you may add a little more milk if you want, but not too much or it will be to wet. Mix until smooth. (I just add this and that until it looks right--sorry I am not more exact!) Frost each roll and sprinkle either a little cinnamon or red sprinkles to make them prettier! 

 Enjoy! and Happy Monday! 

In quietness and trust is your strength

me, Sarah and Joy walking on a wooded path, alone and yet together-a precious heritage of peace. (Joel, sneaking a picture behind us!)

"Sometimes the most urgent thing you can do is take a complete rest." Ashleigh Brilliant

Anyone who knows me well or has read any of my books, knows that I am an avid walker. Wildness if preferred--away from the crowds, in nature, hopefully, in some silence. When I lived in big cities, I would look for parks or back streets, or interesting cobblestoned roads, where I could lose myself in invisibility.

Why? Because my life is constantly demanding and people are taking from my soul and heart and mind and body on a regular basis, all the time.. I know that if I do not refuel and rest and get away, I will be an empty vessel.

Walking is a sort of therapy for me. I can be still in mind, get all of my adrenalin out, and it seems it gives the Lord access to my soul away from those who would "want" me or from the tasks that would steal more energy from my body and heart. When my children were very little, I would bundle them up, squish them into a stroller and take them along. Whatever it took to get me away from the sounds, demands, enticements of things that would steal from my energy or take from my soul--and into a place of rest.

God says to us, "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46: 10

and "In quietness and trust is your strength."Isaiah 30: 15

In the midst of this coming holiday--this holy day, may you find rest for your souls, strength for your body. May you exercise Sabbath rest, in some small way this weekend, that you may have joy and wisdom for the days ahead, in which you will be busily investing your time and love to those who need you.

Peace be with you, the Lord is near.

Happy goes a long way

Gentle, wonderful, Joel

Happy Birthday on Saturday. I adore you and who God has made you!

Mail was piled high in stacks on the dining room table. Suitcases were in various stages of being unpacked in every room. Dirty clothes were in several piles, and a general mess all around. I called all the kids in for a pow-wow and with tears in my eyes, said, "We have so much work to do and we all need to pitch in to get the house cleaned up. I am feeling so overwhelmed. (a few more tears).

My 6'5" son, threw his arm around my shoulders as we sat on the couch,"Mom, please don't fret and be sad. When  you are sad, we feel guilty and sad, like we've done something wrong. When you're happy, we feel all is right with the world. We can all clean this up pretty quickly--and then it will just get messed up again and then we will clean it up again. But, Mom, lighten up. Be happy and then all will be ok with our world."

And so, my last thoughts on the subject, if you love your children post, practice happiness, put on music, create a joyful environment. What you practice you will become.

"Happy" is not a feeling depending on circumstances, but a choice I make and practice. In my years as a mother, I was often alone, lacked help, resources, had dark areas within the circumstances of my life most years, but I knew that in Christ I could be an overcomer. I determined not to be a victim, but to cultivate in the garden of my soul what I wanted to be, by his grace. I lit candles because I needed beauty to remind me of what I wanted my soul to be. I invested in joy because I wanted to move in the direction of joy.

Joy and mercy and happiness and giving this to others is a commitment of faith saying, "I believe, God, that you are good, and so I will practice the kind of attitudes I am always telling my children that they can choose to have.

But, really, truly,  a happy mother makes everyone feel like they are on top of the world. Children long for a happy mom and parents who love each other in front of them, and a house full of mirth and laughter and grace. It makes them feel secure, hopeful, glad to be a part of the group, and just plain happy.

Thanks, Joel, for all the wisdom you have imparted over my years, :),  and the grace you always give me. I simply can't wait to see you and hug your neck and talk and talk and have fun and watch movies--you know how much fun we will have.

*********************************************************************

And PS, Joel is a fantastic composer. If you want to give him an early birthday present, you can buy some of his music here, as well as becoming a fan by "liking" his Facebook page, where he's going to start giving updates and news. You can also listen to a short clip of a piano piece below, a traditional carol he is arranging for a new, short Christmas album, coming out soon! (place your curser on Sussex Carol!)

Sussex Carol  by joelclarkson

Selfish, self-absorbed people are never happy--train it out of your children!

Dirck van Baburen

"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. John 13:14

Children can easily become the focus of well-intentioned mothers. Wanting to meet their needs, win their hearts, give affection, speak words of life, give the best input and instruction and lessons, and before the family knows it, the child is the center of life. Now, moms do need to return their hearts toward home. But, Christ, His kingdom and His work must always be the center of our lives.

And if the reason we are staying home is to serve our and train our children for His glory, then we must always understand, He is at the center, and His kingdom work is at the center of our lives. Our children are not a big enough goal, only serving Him is big enough for a work of life.

We all know what it is like to be around a whiner or selfish person who has to be treated special, whose needs must always be met for them to be happy--the ones who must be in the center of attention. And perhaps you are married to a selfish person--or maybe you are one! But selfish adults come out of homes where the selfishness was not curbed or trained out.

Consequently, to really love a child, means to consider what is best for the long term character of the child. Because all of us are sinful and oriented to ourselves, a part of the training of a loving mom, will be to train her child away from his natural self and lead them and help them learn to give up their lives in service of others.

"Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend." John 15: 13

Our Master and Lord, modeled servant leadership by washing the dirty feet of his disciples--a lowly job, for sure. The creator of the universe bowing his knee to wash the feet of his own precious children that He crafted in the womb of their mothers. Truly this is a picture of parenting from Jesus that required reflection--only love could compel the God of the universe to humble himself in such a way.

Jesus reminds us, "I am humble and meek, learn from me." Learn from me--has he ever said that in any other scripture? Learn from me--if I the teacher and Lord bowed, then you should also do so.

So modeling servant leadership, speaking gently, loving others generously, giving up your time, your body, your convenience, your patience--if he did it, over and over again with the disciples, to show them how to live in service of others--he had compassion on them, then so we must do as mothers. It also means you must be spending hands on time with your children, not leaving them to one more dvd or cartoon or game boy adventure action software, but you have to plan, give attention to this, to build this into their lives.

However, when we look to Jesus' life, we see that he got the disciples involved. "You divide up the food and your serve them the fish and loaves." "You go two by two and proclaim the gospel." and so on.....

How do we teach our children to give up their time, their bedroom, their lives to others?

1. Teach your children to share from the very beginning. Teach them to give up something valuable. "You are such a strong boy and I can see that Joy needs your help. Would you please help her carry her box of toys to her room?"

"The mom and dad at this home only ordered 2 large pizzas, 10 people showed up at this Bible study that they were not expecting. Let's stay back and let the others eat first so that we can be sure there is enough for all the people who came. We can order a pizza on the way home."

"It costs a lot of money to order drinks, so we will just order one and share or just drink water." (I can still remember Sarah and Joel with big eyes at a party when someone gave them a soft drink of their own. "Mom, can we really have this all by ourselves?" The having to share and learning to give helped them to be more thankful. Children who have learned to not have all of their needs met, are always more grateful for a special occasion when they get something wonderful.)

Whatever ways you can, make sure that you do not allow your children to be the exceptions--the ones who demand that food be just right, that they have their own way, that they deserve every need met, every toy. I have seen so many well meaning families teach all the Bible studies, have their children learn all the AWANA verses, but their children's hearts were poor because they served themselves first.

2. Teach your children the stories of the little boy who gave all he had and fed 5000. Teach them the scripture about Jesus giving, and any other stories. Make them memorize scripture and songs that put this in their hearts. Train them with The 24 Family Ways to give them the language and values of scripture and servanthood. (24 ways on my side bar--a training tool for parents and on our web site."Show them that Jesus looked out on the crowd and had compassion--and say, "I wonder who needs our compassion. Let's look out for people God brings our way to encourage or to give something to."

3. Plan real things for them to do. Have them give up their rooms for company and sleep on the floor of your bedroom. Then praise them for giving and require them, gently, to share or give or serve. Let it be the oxygen of your home to pray for, love, encourage and serve others.Then make meals for those who are ill, where your children help. Have them make cards or pick flowers. Have them give one of their toys to a child. Let them be the ones who give the meals, cookies or whatever.

Have them save some of the money they are given to give to missions or the poor. Let them adopt a compassion child. Have them write a letter. Pray for God to show you ways to help them learn to serve, forgive, love, give beyond their selfish self.

I have always said to my children, "Selfishness is natural. Generosity is supernatural and comes from letting the Holy Spirit talk to us and teach us how to give. I just know He is going to use you greatly in the world." (and so on, fighting is natural, loving is supernatural--what choice will you make--to serve yourself or your flesh or to live supernaturally and become God's love and grace to a world that needs redemption.

From the time our children were tiny, we had them serving at our conferences. The 3 and 4 year olds learned to greet at the door with a basket of chocolates and say, "Welcome to our conference--we are so glad you are here." Or they would pass out notebooks or put hearts on the tables, or pray with us, sitting in our laps as we prayed for all the moms who would attend our conferences.

As Jesus took His disciples with Him everywhere He went and engaged the disciples in his work, so we took our children everywhere with us and they learned to work by our side. It is always more trouble to take your children with you or to come up with ways they can serve--as you will be much more efficient as an adult. But the work done by a child builds his heart self-image as "I am someone who has something to give."

If you love your child, and you want them to be unselfish in marriage, friendship, work, in all venues of life, then you must do the hard work of daily requiring them to grow a little stronger, give a little more and model to them serving their needs and loving them, so that they are familiar with how wonderful it feels to be served. It is a two sided coin---serving generously in their lives, requiring them and helping them to learn to serve others generously--the sacrifice of self and the validation of having loved another.

Teaching them to live like this takes years and lots of time and planning, but you will give them the gift of an unselfish heart and character that will give them contentment and self-control and a heart that serves the rest of their lives.

Creating Spaces of personal time, focussed on hearing hearts

This is Joy, spontaneously  jumping in for a picture at an elite shopping mall in Boston, sharing the stage with a manikin. She has made me smile so much in my life and is an angel gift from God.

After 3 children, 3 miscarriages and selling all of my maternity stuff as almost 42, God gave me an angel gift. Her name is providentially, Joy. She is an out of the box, lovely, hysterical, spiritual, extravert, great actress, singer-songwriter and confident from the get go.

What a fun way to end my mothering career of the time in which my children will be at home. I am cherishing this time with Joy and enjoying her being a teenager and a young woman all at once.

This Sunday morning might be one of my best memories for a long time. Joy and I, in our jammies and crazy bed hair, sat close on Sarah's bed, (we miss her so sometimes we sit in her room.) sipping Mochas I had made, with candles lit and she and I just talked and giggled and shared our thoughts and ideas for almost an hour. She got my computer and played several songs for me that meant something to her, that she had listened to at midnight the night before.  I have learned to love Joy's songs and listen to them on my own computer and download them, because they are very dear to her. My almost 60 year old self has learned to love the songs my teens and 20's are listening to--it has given me a window to their hearts.

I do not expect them to conform to me--I let them be who they are at this season of life and I have adjusted my own age expectations to enjoy and really delight in who they are at every stage. It has brought me much pleasure. But I had to give up a little of my selfish self to enter their world. And so did God, and became Jesus.

As with all of my children, though, Joy does not respond to the same kind of mothering as the others did. I had to study her and observe her to find out what was in her heart--her personality, what spoke love to her and how to fill her heart's cup so that I could reach her heart with a love for Jesus.

Discipleship is always an issue of relationship. It is not about curriculum, church attendance, rules, indoctrination, but always about reaching the heart.

I look back and see how different it was with all the kids.

I remember when Nathan was a little boy, and often challenging the boundaries, I had to study him. He was a little of a mystery as my other two had been more compliant and I thought that it was because I was such a great mother. Then God gave me Nathan and I realized I needed a different way of mothering.

One night when Clay had taken the older two to church and left Nathan home with me because he had a cold, I sat wearily in an overstuffed chair and said, "Hey, you want to climb into the chair with me?'

I remember he snuggled in and then began to talk. He talked for 45 minutes without stopping, as long as I said, "Really?" or "Oh!" or how funny!" After he had talked for almost an hour, he said, "I love you, mom!" And then he jumped out of the chair and went to play. He was 5 years old.

I was pondering this event--him sitting still for this long and talking and talking and talking, and suddenly it dawned on me--"He is an extravert and he needs people, activity and wants to talk and be heard."

So, I learned the way to Nathan's heart was spending time alone with him, listening to him--his dreams, his thoughts, his ideas, his feelings. As long as I made alone time with him, he would listen to me and try to obey.

Same with Joy. If she felt lost in the crowd, she would get louder, perform, call attention to herself. And then if I went to her room or sat on the porch and sipped lemonade or made a special tea time in my room just for her, she would talk and talk and talk. And then her heart would be open.

Now, Joel would just withdraw and be grumpy or get irritated.  He was not a "mis-behaver"! But if I made personal time with him away from the group, he would bubble over with talking to me--he was an introvert, just like Sarah. Neither of them would compete openly with the others for heart time, but I had to assume they needed it and then carve a planned time in the midst of my busy schedule and make it happen. This opened the window of their heart to develop a great, strong, deep friendship. Each child responded differently and I had to figure out what they liked and what communicated personal love to them, and then I saw their little and big hearts opened. And as it happens, I found that Clay did not want to compete with the kids and I had to learn to get time with just us, so I could hear him and know what was going on. If I did not create the time for us, it would never happen.

Now, I had 4 children, homeschooled, traveled with Clay and spoke and had a ministry and wrote books. So, it was not easy to carve out this time. I did not have this time every season. But when I observed Jesus's influence on his disciples and saw how he spent time personally with them, away from the crowds, and affirmed them uniquely for their personality--(John, the disciple Jesus loved; Peter, the rock; Thomas, a man in whom there is no guile.") I began to realize that each of us wants to be defined by God's unique personality that he created, and to be validated for who we really are in a personal way.

But when I would plan my week, because my sweet ones were a priority, and I believed that this was the way to win their hearts for the Lord,  I would plan in "little dates". I looked for it in the busy moments and tucked them in here and there. When they were little we were always a gang together, but I would look for ways to snuggle them in my room all by themselves. (Yes, my children shared rooms and that kept them from being lonely, but still they needed mama, sympathy time.)

I kept cookie dough balls or fruit, nuts and cheese chunks available all the time and when my radar told me that someone was not doing well or was angry or having problems, I would have a private, 15 mintue "Tea time" with them, just to talk and take emotional temperature.

I found when they were teenagers, because I had invested "me" time with them, I was always the go to person for them when they had secrets, fears, problems. And Clay and I would have times in our bedroom, behind closed doors when we would counsel and talk. As teens, I would take my boys out, by themselves, for breakfast every week or two, just to keep the channels of conversations going. For Sarah, it was a Saturday morning walk and coffee at a French cafe,  for almost 8 years, and for Joy, it was breakfast alone in her room or mine at least once a week, away from all the teens.

Must off to my day, Joy will be home from her college class soon and I like to be home when she is fresh with the news of her day. But, just remember, your children are like you--they long for love, listening--not always advising, and a heart that delights in them. But it doesn't just happen, it must be planned.

A Heritage of Loving Words aimed at the heart

Just a tiny little note before I get into the tradition that shaped our children's heart to loyalty.

I was so very touched and moved by your many comments from my last blog post. I wish I could adopt all of you or at least have you as neighbors. What fun we could share together, what encouragement we could give to one another. I am praying that each of you will find someone, an angel friend, who can come along beside you in this very demanding and long journey. Thanks ever so much for leaving your comments. The Lord is keeping you on my heart. Grace and peace in your day!

Now---the Birthday! Celebrating Birthdays

Always, bubbling around in my mind, were ideas of how to build a legacy and memories deeply into the pathways of my children's hearts. The purpose was that they would have a sense of security, ties to the Clarksons and our heritage, a Biblical sense of self, and lots of love. Consequently, each birthday was full of tradition.

Birthday breakfast was the sacred time of family celebrating each other no matter what else transpired the rest of the day. Each child would be greeted in their rooms with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and one child would wait with them there while we finished up the breakfast feast. No one was allowed to come down until all was complete.

The table would be laden with presents, cards, and all would be wrapped, even if it was something from the dollar store. Our special china or tea dishes would be used to heighten the splendor of the occasion. Breakfast was almost always the same: Mama's special scrambled Eggs (sour cream, cheese, bacon and eggs) and of course our famous Clarkson cinnamon rolls. (Really just a recipe of rolls I concocted over the years, but became bigger than life from me sharing our tradition in our books.)

I know, I know, you will want my recipe--it will come sometime!

The birthday child is then marched down the stairs, blindfolded, and then presented to the table. The feast is consumed, the presents opened and then follows the best part.

Each year, since they were wee little people, all of us would individually give a verbal encouragement and intentional love gift aimed at the heart of the child. "I really appreciate you because".....and then follows specific character qualities all of us have observed over the year, strengths that have developed, ways that the child has blessed our family. I would not have expected young children to do well at this, but after a couple of times, all of the kids took it very seriously and really invested their words. "You are such a talented singer-songwriter and I admire the way you have developed as a pianist." or "You have really been an encouragement to me this year when I needed to know I had a friend." or "I have really been inspired to walk with God more closely this year because of the thoughts and ideas you shared in our family devotions."

You can almost see the soul and heart of the child being filled up, and the personal appreciation and confidence swell in front of you. Then we would all hold hands and pray blessings over the child. Everyone at the table prays--for their future, their dreams, their desires, their marriage, all that they have asked.

As I have pondered the death of my mom, and the various relationships influenced by her death, I have realized that words have consequences, as do lack of words. Today is the time to invest, as there may never be another time and then a heart can be empty for lack of initiation. Consequently, I have recommitted to speaking to those I love ,of their worth to me--taking the initiative to let family and friends know that they really mean a lot to me or have invested deeply in my life. Words should be said, words should be planted in people's souls. Words not said can leave a vacuum.

One of the wonderful consequences of years and years of practicing this together has built a habit amongst my children of becoming free with their encouragement to me and to others. I have received the most wonderful cards where they freely articulate my worth in their lives, and have greatly sustained me in my own times of need. Pretty much, my children have grown into my best friends, and it has been so worth the investment of love aimed at their hearts, because now, it is coming back to me. I do not have a lot of outside family or strong relationships, because of distance that has separated us, but I did not know the depth of gift I was giving myself ,by creating my own inner circle. And all of this, just by investing lots of love and grace and appreciation in my precious children, so that they would feel a safe, life-giving place where our friendship could bloom.

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PS If you set the table the night before and wrap the presents the day before (and all of the other kids help), and make the cinnamon rolls--the dough, and freeze it and then let it rise the morning of over a pot of simmering water, you don't have too much to think about when the day arrives--just scrambling a few eggs and making a pot of tea!  Most years we did get up at the crack of dawn to celebrate before Dad left for work--he left here around 8, but sometimes he delayed going to work until 9, or when they were older, on occasion we would wait till the weekend. But to the child, having it on their day, made it very special. Because they were usually excited, they were up early anyway!

He who sees in secret will reward you

Kraus

See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

I love this picture, a sweet, little girl, unconcerned, happy, delighting in the glory of the day and the flowers. The older I get, the more I picture myself as such a girl. Resting and playing in God's land and leaving all my cares in His hands. A child should not carry the burdens of the Father, but just leave them in His hands.

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I have the privilege of hosting several Bible studies with precious young moms in my home. I love each and every one of them, and they are my dear friends.  They give so much and are so very sincere in wanting to do the best they can to love and serve their families. Different stories, different puzzles. Some must work. Some must live alone while their husbands travel. Others are single and alone. Others just wonderfully trying to live with these little ones who want to eat and wear reasonably clean clothes every day and want mama one more time.  Often there are children with difficult issues. And of course, many of these families struggle with financial problems. All of these sweet ones are so very precious and their stories matter for eternity.

Over the last weeks, I have polled my sweet moms, "How many of you  have a grandmother or someone in your life who helps you take care of your children, who gives you a break, who is personally taking responsibility to help nurture and disciple your children? How many of you have someone who comes along beside you to help and pray for you?

I was shocked--almost no one--only a very small few out of over a hundred that are in my various groups. This should not be. Where have all the mother's, grandmother's gone? Do they not understand that their grandchildren are also their responsibility--to disciple, a stewardship of their own spiritual lives and influence? That God will hold them accountable for helping raise a godly generation by supporting their own children's call as a family?

I spent most of my  years of mothering without support systems, help, prayer or babysitting. Often, I can remember sleeping from exhaustion when I fell into bed, and yet, I would awaken in the wee hours of the morning with brudens of fear, worry, questions about all that I was carrying in my heart and in my life.

I would pour out my heart to God, and one more day, He would take me through. He was my advocate when I had no other. His Spirit kept me going and filled in the cracks that I was not able to. He gave strength and somehow, in spite of all of our own flaws and vulnerable places and immature lives, God saw. He saw me on my knees. He saw my heart that was fearful but wanted to trust. He saw in secret and beyond my expectations, and in spite of my limitations as a mom and wife, He worked.

He still sees and carries me one day at a time. He is my strength, and salvation. But His design was for me and for all of us to have His hands through a community of believers who would help, love, give encouraging words.

I have been up this morning early and prayed for you--you sweet precious ones who feel as though your life is invisible. You are seen. He hears the plees of your weary heart. He longs to sustain you and support you. He who sees in secret will reward openly. I pray you will know peace, rest, beauty in the midst of this very important journey.

I think that all children--the young ones and the adult ones, like me,  need an advocate--someone who cares for them personally and who will help them and look out for them. I believe that a mother is supposed to be that--a cheerleader who whispers from behind, "I am on your team. I love you. I will help you. You will make it. I am proud of you."

I am sorry for all of you who are not blessed to have an actual mother who understands that important role in your life.  I understand your journey as it was often my own.

But I do want you to know, you have an advocate in Him. His will today is for you to find His joy and blessing and to enjoy life. He is doing an invisible work that is beyond what you could accomplish yourself. He is faithful. He will reward every decision of faith that you make in the darkness when no one else sees, He sees. It is your integrity, your spiritual service of worship, to believe even in the invisible, weary moments of your life. He is with you and has a heart for all children--even you.  He is the one who cast the flowers upon the field for his child to enjoy.. He is the one who is willing make all things in your life beautiful in His time.

And I am praying you will know His gentle, generous love for you today. Have a lovely weekend.