**used blog 8/27/2020 Overprotective? It's Not a Bad Thing.

"Homeschooling parents are often criticized for being overprotective of their children, an apparently bad thing to do in the world's way of thinking. That caricature, though, originates in a culture of passive parental neglect that is almost dysfunctionally underprotective of its children. Even though it is a pejorative term in secular parenting lingo, you should not be reluctant to bear it as a badge of honor as a caring and committed Christian parent. God wants you to be an overprotective parent! Your children, by God's design, need an overprotector, a parent who will stand over them to protect them--to guard their innocence and purity, to prevent spiritual wounds and sinful footholds, and teach discernment and sensitivity to sin. In God's design for families, overprotecting your children is a good thing.

Still, the enemy is very good at infiltrating even good Christian homes with corrupting influences ... With technologies such as cable and satellite TV, computers and the Internet, a constant river of information, images, and ideas can flow freely into your home, much of it good, but too much of it ungodly and corrupt. You can control that flow, but when your children interact in the community with other children, those children all too often are deeply influenced, informed and indoctrinated by the same river--often without controls on its flow of the worst that culture has to offer--and they will offer it freely to your children. The only thing that is standing between those and other influences, and your child's heart and mind, is a committed overprotector--you! If you don't have a heart that beats strongly with a passion to protect your children against unhealthy appetites, unwise relationships, and ungodly secular media, you can be certain that the enemy stands ready to take full advantage of any holes in your commitment and to exploit your children's innocence, vulnerability, and receptiveness. Diligence is the price you pay for staying safe on the path."

~ Clay Clarkson, Educating the Wholehearted Child

Have you ever been accused of being "overprotective?" I often wonder what exactly people would prefer us to do; to "under-protect," perhaps? And of course, whatever is less than what they personally do would be underprotective and whatever goes beyond what they're comfortable with would be overprotective.

Ultimately, it is important to remember that our children are just that--children. They are in need of protection, which is why God gave them to parents who are charged to guard and protect them until such time as they can stand on their own. Even then, we are to speak words of life and wisdom to them, encouraging them to follow God's precepts and listen for His voice of direction.

I'm grateful for my own Shepherd, who watches over and protects me, guiding me with His staff, leading me beside still waters and making me lie down in green pastures. How wonderful that He has given me this image and example to follow as I care for and nurture my own children. And if that's being overprotective ... I'll take it!

No regrets, just pure Joy!

The era of Joy and her Beanie Babies, all who had to be prayed for and put to bed each night.

This month marks an ending of an era for me. Joy will leave to go to school at Biola University in California next Tuesday. Waves of sentimentality have been sweeping over me. As I walked up the stairs to our bedrooms, I realized that she will not be there for me to bring a cup of tea in the mornings to start our day together, or to sit on her bed to have late night talks.

Oh, how I will miss sparkling, extraverted, always busy, always thinking and teaching and pondering and reaching out to her gazillion friends, singing, acting, speaking, making life beautiful, Joy.

For over 28 years, I have given over my life to being an intentional mother. I have sacrificed body, my time, my energy, spent many an anxious moment; prayed unending hours; faced conflict and tears and one more moment of training countless times; had thousands of devotions; made thousands and thousands of meals; carpooled everywhere from doctor's appointments to plays, speech tournaments and productions; listened on her bed for hours and hours of dreams and heart thoughts spilled over late night vigils, and so many more memorable and forgotten services of love extended as faithfully as I knew how.

Last week, Joy picked up a stray dog, Bobbie, and brought it home for a few hours!

And now, as I ponder my life, I feel so very, very blessed and satisfied.

It is not the books I have written that comfort me at night. It is not the blog  posts and followers and commenters or the face book fans or the face book friends or the twitter followers or the thousands of sweet moms that have attended our conferences that fill my heart with love, though I am so very grateful for each of them. But it is real live, flesh and blood, Joy, Sarah, Joel, Nathan who  hold my hand and say, "I love you, my momma!" --whose love and relationship is what matters to me and to Clay.

Last fall, Joy traveled with me to Hawaii to speak to military wives. Such a sweet time of memories made.

But it is indeed  the tangible, best friends, life and joy shared love with my real, next to my side, children that are with me and who have become the most important treasure God has given this side of life. I live daily to talk with them, to love them, to serve them and to pray with them. I am truly the most blessed of women, because God gave me these years of sanctifying me, tenderizing me, disciplining me and teaching me what really matters in life as I followed Him in this call to be a mother, giving his life to those He entrusted into my home.

Joy, last fall, in Sense and Sensibility

When I read and understood, "The Wise woman builds her house," I know that God's call on my life, whatever else I did, was to build with the Holy Spirit's guidance and grace, a godly heritage in my home.

And so my labor of love and worship to God, no matter what else I did, was to accept these precious human beings from His hands as the best and most eternal work I would ever do--to seek to show them Him and to seek to incarnate Him in my home.

My sweet girls, and best friends, this spring, together at a friend's home.

Taking on this God-designed role, crafted not only the hearts and souls of my children, but it was God's accountability for my own life to show me more of what He was like as my very own patient Father; to see His unconditional love; to better understand His undying sacrifice for me, his own child.

It was in the building of a godly home that my soul expanded, my knowledge and education grew, my capacity to work stretched, my Biblical knowledge and understanding developed as I taught them, and my heart deepened and grew so very satisfied.

When we walk in God's ways, mysteriously, we eventually see that His ways fill the longings of our hearts and satisfy the yearnings of our soul for a sense of purpose and belonging to a great cause and people.  In submitting to His will, we find what we longed for all along.

...Because in pursuing my precious children and the best for their lives, He was building for Clay and me our own best friends and a tight community of people who belong together and live to love and serve each other--the Clarkson history and heritage that ties all of us together.

Joy in California this spring, where she will be this fall,  pursuing the horizons of life with God holding her hand.

And so, I will miss her, I will spend many more hours praying for her and calling her and serving her in new ways, as I have done with my other three precious children, but there will be a deep joy in my soul, a satisfying rest, knowing that choosing this as the work of my life, that my children are the best book I could ever write, has been the right choice for me, and that my work of faith has been met, by Him, with grace, wisdom and eternal blessing.

And Joy, one of God's best gifts, will continue to fill my heart and soul with such humble gratefulness and joy. I love you, my sweet girl. God will be with you and you will be with me always in my heart.

I just can't wait to see the adventures and courses God has prepared for you to walk. May You know His presence and blessing each and every day, because, as you know, you are also so very dear to Him, too.

**used blog 8/20/2020 Because Someone Has to Have Ideals

This picture makes me long for a mountain breeze, a deep hammock, a cup of tea, an engrossing book and an open-ended afternoon.

I can probably swing one of those, the open-ended afternoon being perhaps the most elusive of the four. But one can dream!

In many ways these beautiful classic art pieces are evidence of ideals I have in my own life. Perhaps they're indicative of the way I wish life were, more often than it actually is. Perhaps you, too find yourself longing for life to be more settled, more peaceful, more predictable, more tame than you find it.

As I wrote several years ago in my book, The Mom Walk ...

"I am a deeply romantic woman, always yearning for a picture-perfect home--fires on the hearth with feasts and laughter nearby, pleasant and gracious conversations, an ambience of beauty and peace. I write about my ideals. I breathe my ideals in the secret moments of my life. I want a picture-perfect marriage where I am adored and appreciated. I want my children to be healthy, happy, and harmonious. I want strong friendships and a stable community with friends. I want an extended family to be close to us and to provide my children with love and support and lots of godly input. I want there to be money for all the bills, a home that isn't always exploding with messes, and time to sit and read a good book and ponder life.

These longings are not wrong. Ideals and the desire for beauty are simply the echoes of God's design in our hearts. He was the one who designed the world to be a masterpiece of wonder and life. The yearning for peace, health, and comfort is natural to our souls and comes from the depths of our hearts where we can still feel and imagine what God created life to be before the fall."

I think God is the biggest Idealist of all. He created everything in a perfect state, and someday He will "restore all things." (Acts 3:21.) I think He understands my heart's longing for a beautiful life and fulfilling relationships.

I think He feels just the same way I do. When I long for life to line up with His ideals, I reflect His own heart. When I create pleasing settings, soothe ruffled feelings, play beautifully crafted music, offer grace to a tired and cranky child, or prepare a hearty meal that fills stomachs and enriches souls as we share ideas around the table, I remind those who share in the moments with me that we are, indeed, sons and daughters of a King, meant for more than workaday life in this broken world.

 How can you remind those around you, today?

A This and That Thursday

From my Sarah, who is today in Oxford:

I feel the need to tell the world that I am staying in Magdalene College (Lewis's college) and have a window seat that overlooks the garden and Addison's Walk. My first few days of writing are going to go very, very well.

Isn't God lovely?

A GREAT SALE JUST THIS WEEKEND!

My sweet friend, Sarah Mae, and co-author of my new book, Desperate, is having a great sale on her eBooks this weekend - they are all .99! Be sure to take advantage! Find all the eBooks and details HERE!

 

And finally, a sweet, sentimental blog from my sweet daughter, Joy, as she ponders life from leaving home in less than two weeks, and adjusting to all of the issues of her life:

 

Encouragement for the Faithful

 

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. 3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,      which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—     whatever they do prospers.

-Psalm 1:1-3

All my life, when I read passages like Psalm One, my heart jumps and says “Yes! That is what I want to be! Oh Lord! Help me be like that.” And it is what I want my life to look like. And so I try, and push, and fall, and then ask for God’s grace, and he picks me up again. And in my own little pathetic way, and with God’s incomprehensible way, I have endeavored to live a faithful life. The be the “blessed one”.
But being faithful can be tiring. Can’t you relate to that? Sometimes you wait and wait, and wonder, when will I be like  a tree planted by streams of living water? That’s sounds great! But I feel tired. If you are in that place today, my dear outside world, I just want to encourage you. It takes a long time to become a tree by living waters. It doesn’t happen overnight. Your faithfulness is worth so much. The little decisions of integrity you make are seen and valued by God. Each day that you turn your heart closer to God, you are putting down roots to be that strong tree. Hold fast and wait, for you will see the faithfulness of God.
For the rest go to Joynessthebrave
And have a lovely day!

Today, I am changing my world....

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” Anne Frank

As I have sat with my children this summer on the porch in rocking chairs, talking, sharing life, discipling from my quiet times, comforting, advising, and making a gazillion meals with literally a couple of hundred people in and out of our home in the past 3 months, I have realized again:

Any great accomplishment takes great effort, all of your energy, focussed time, sacrifice, hard work and then all of that all over again.

To develop a great soul, one must engage in  great effort and intentional  focus and immeasurable unselfish sacrifice of your whole being. Just because it is not easy, does not mean you are not doing it right.

Mothers are in warfare for the souls and yet our work will yield fruit for eternity.

So, today, I am very, very busy at the work of continuing to shape souls, and have little time for writing.

And yes, this soul shaping of the next generation of adults is God's way of using us to bring His kingdom to bear in this world, and as Anne says, we are improving the world by raising godly leaders.

Extending Grace in Relationships

 

Dear Lord, So far I've done all right. I haven't gossipped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed. And from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help."

Ever felt like praying this prayer? I have! A candle, cup of tea and my Bible get me started off right. I've laid my burdens at Jesus' feet. I've read His words and they have ministered to my heart. I've worshiped Him. I have asked Him to change me, to help me grow, to bless my family and lead them. I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful day, and all is well with the world.

And then I get out of the chair.

And sometimes, it feels as if all is downhill from there!

Wouldn't motherhood, wifehood, even Christianity be much easier ... if there weren't any other people involved? But I suppose then we have the problem alluded to in that scene from It's a Wonderful Life, when the family's help says, "That (the noise happening upstairs) is why all children should be girls!" and then the elder Mrs. Bailey says, "But if they were all girls--oh, never mind!"

God loves relationships. He, Himself, exists as a relationship--Father, Son and Spirit, three in One--a mystery we can't wrap our minds around. We bear His image, and part of that is this need we have for relationships; to know and be known, to love well, to draw strength and learn from one another. Yet relationships are not easy. Sinful people, living together in a broken world, sometimes hurt one another. We misunderstand and are misunderstood. We struggle with pride and envy, greed and deceit. So do those around us--and our children are no exception.

We need God's grace.

"Giving the gift of grace to our children is actually a two-part process. First, we need to help our children receive grace. We do this both by extending grace to them and by teaching them about God's grace through salvation. After that, by our teaching and example, we must train our children to give grace to others in turn.

Jesus summed up this two-part process when He was asked to name the greatest commandment. He said we are first to love the Lord God with all our hearts (receiving grace) and then we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (giving grace). This commandment, therefore, sums up the first gift we can give to our children--the desire and ability to understand and receive the grace of God and to give it to the rest of the world.

Understanding the importance of the gift of grace has really helped me respond to the daily dilemmas and frustrations of life in a household of four children. As we go through our days, for instance, I try to be mindful that, to God, relationships are always a top priority. I try to think of ways I can model for my children the redemptive grace and love of Jesus--and also influence them to extend grace to others through their actions and their attitudes." ~ The Ministry of Motherhood

We will always be pressed by our relationships. My prayer is that they press us all closer to the heart of God, Who loves to extend His grace to us, and teaches us through His example to do the same.

As a man thinks, so is he.

"As a man thinks, so is he." Proverbs 23:7

Jesus tells us to worship him with our minds--to love Him with our minds. The ability to think Biblically is no small matter in a world that shouts to us with values that are worldly, lies about life, family, morality,  in thousands of ways every day.

And yet, I find that very few people, and especially young adults, know how to think Biblically. Followers abound--those who find it easier to just do what others tell them to do, without really thinking through scripture or pondering it for themselves. So often, I talk with people of all ages, in conferences, through email, and everywhere I go and yet, most people I know follow some philosophy because someone else told them to do so.

Most people live in the boxes made by other men--even Christian men.

But God desires us to seek Him, to ponder Him, to listen to His voice, to read His word, and to be so familiar with scripture that He has a vocabulary to use in our lives that comes straight from the Bible.

Children who learn from an early age to read the Word, to digest its truth, to ponder its meaning, to pray over it to God, become those who have the ability to discern God's ways and to live in the freedom of worshipping a God who will direct their ways.

Psalm 19 tells us,

The law of the Lord is  perfect, restoring the soul;

The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.

 The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;

The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.

 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;

The judgments of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether.

 They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;

Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.

 Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;

In keeping them there is great reward."

A person who owns and cherishes the word of God has advantages in His life. Wherever he goes, the Holy Spirit will counsel him, lead him, guide him and give comfort and perspective. The Bible is the vocabulary that the Holy Spirit uses to lead us in his ways.

If you do not teach your children to think Biblically and to love the word, no moralizing, no lecturing, no influence will work well, because it is not grounded in truth.

Many people have asked me, "How did you have the confidence to send your children to New York City, Boston, Hollywood, Oxford, and not worry that they would fall away from Christianity?"

Of course, all mamas should be concerned when they allow their children to venture far from home. Yet, I knew that each of them had been grounded in God's word. But even more, we had passed on to our children the ability to think Biblically, to defend their decisions, to filter their choices through the truth that had been laid up, as a foundation for thousands and thousands of days and moments in their lives.

One of my greatest pleasures and best memories and comforts from this summer has been having my children home with me, again, and seeing them talk of life, issues, convictions and to see them owning their own Biblical convictions in a world, where sadly, many Christians do not know how to think. 

So, remember,

"For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

It starts with a habit--before you do anything else, begin each day with the Word of God. Read the stories, memorize verses, psalms, Jesus' parables, Genesis as a foundation, the prophets as a picture of our world's issues today, Paul's admonitions, Proverbs' wisdom. Immerse your life, your moments, your home in the word of God. Your children will cherish what you cherish, and if you value the word, it will become a part of their whole being.

**************************************************************************************

There is a new book that a sweet friend of mine, Ruth Schwenk, and her husband have produced to help parents with their own desire to pass on scripture. It does what it says, helps parents to dig into scripture with their children. Clay and I highly recommend this book and know it will be a useful tool to many families who want to teach their own children how to cherish the Bible and how to think.

To find out more about this great tool, go to the website for information and how to order.

And meanwhile, spend some time today just reading and listening to His voice.

The Amalfi Coast, a new perspective and a Giveaway!

Ravello

Sequestered on the side of a cliff, is a jewel of a tiny town where flowers bloom profusely, meandering walkways and pathways zig-zag all over the hills and life runs at a slower pace.

Attending the wedding of the daughter of a sweet friend of mine gave my friend, Phyllis and me, an opportunity to visit this lovely place. In the midst of the rush and swirl and demands of a too busy life here in America, I was slowed down, and forced to see life from a different pace where people took time to talk together, stroll hand in hand and notice the beauty of the ocean views surrounding each corner of the old village.

One of my favorite finds was an artisan's shop where the beautiful Italian pottery that I had seen in shops in America was being designed and painted by an artist named Pascal.

As I entered his shop, I was surrounded by rainbows of color and exquisite pieces that he had designed and hand-painted himself. In a world of mass-production, I was struck by the beauty and value of a man giving his life to his art and crafting pieces of pottery that light up a table, that grace a corner of a kitchen with color and design.

Pascal holds up the plates I picked out to bring just a little taste of His lovely pieces to my dinner table.

His wonderful designs and dishes can be found on his site here where you can find all sorts of exquisite pieces for your table.

Since I was a young wife, I have regarded feasting at our table as a sacred time. Sharing of warm food, on a well-laid table, with crafted ambiance has been one of the ways I think Clay and I have most influenced our children over the years. I take great care in choosing centerpieces, colorful table cloths, always candles, and colorful dishes and cultivating recipes that delight our family.

I knew that bringing home something, crafted by a true artist, to my home table would remind me, as the town and my new friends had reminded me, to enjoy the art of life, and to revere and treasure our times of soul-sharing over meals.

I wanted to let you know about his wonderful shop and lovely offerings because even a small piece, a lovely platter, a salad bowl, a plate for cookies, becomes a cherished treasure in your home when it serves your family with memories of the cookies you always served on the special plate, the small bowls of steaming soup on a cold winter's night, or a favorite mug for hot chocolate.

Pascal and his lovely wife, extended a warm welcome to me and offered to give away a charming spoon rest, painted with the traditional lemon design that reflects Ravello,  for someone's stove top.

To enter to win, please leave a comment on my page of one of your favorite recipes or meal traditions. For extra entries, connect this giveaway to your facebook or twitter and leave me a comment to tell me what you have done! (Giveaway ends Monday.) I want many of my friends to have the opportunity to visit his lovely shop and see his designs online in case you want to bring a little of Italy right to your own table! (Ceramiche D'Arte)

They also have two lovely apartments that they rent out for holidays in this lovely town. You can see these here.

Oh how I hope I can take Clay with me back to this lovely town, to savor the beauty and to slow down our days once again.

Ciao!

Who Can Tell Us How to Mother Our Children?

 

I've had many opportunities to talk with sweet moms all over the world during my life. Often after giving a talk or hosting a conference, I'll be approached by a woman whose face tells me of her internal struggle even before she begins speaking. Though it's difficult to find the time, I always want to listen and extend a loving arm to these precious ladies who are trying so hard to do the right thing for their children.

One particular afternoon after a mom's tea, when most of the moms had departed to pick up their little ones from the nursery, I noticed one who had stayed behind. She obviously wanted our conversation to remain between us, but the confusion she poured out from her heart was a story I hear so often.

I feel so confused, and I'm desperately hoping you can help me," she said, diving right in as she sat down. "I'm a new Christian, and I didn't have a very good foundation in life--as a matter of fact, I was just left to myself to discover what I thought was true about life, morality, and values. I made a lot of mistakes and have a lot of emotional scars from the choices I made. I decided I didn't want my children to be scarred like I was, so I wanted to do a better job with them. I feel like I am starting this journey of motherhood already miles behind because I have nothing in my background that would show me the way to walk this journey.

Because I didn't have my own beliefs, I feel that now I am subject to whatever I hear. I will read one book and it says to discipline in a certain way. Though it feels harsh, I will try to practice these theories for awhile. Then I will hear a speaker or read another book that teaches the opposite but also sounds reasonable. I'm tempted to think I have ruined my children and think I need to go in yet another direction! How is a mom to know what to do?!"

Does this sound familiar to you?

If you didn't grow up in a home centered on Jesus, please know you're certainly not alone. There are many, many moms out there who find themselves in those shoes. In my own life, my relationship with Jesus truly began in earnest when I was in college. When my own children came into my life, I knew I wouldn't be able to rely on my past to tell me how to raise them. There was only one place to go to find out how to be a mom: God's Word.

As I discovered what it looked like to read God's word, pray about my child, my situation, I began to see that God had created me, and all women, with the ability to understand how to walk forward, one day at a time, in relationship with my children to provide them with what they needed.

As an author, I am limited in my wisdom and encouragement as all authors and speakers are human and subject to error. Yet, I wrote the Mission of Motherhood, not to give a formula or a set of rules for women to follow, but seeking to point them to seek God, to His word,  seeking to give a Biblical foundation of what God had in mind when HE created women to be moms who will teach the next generation about Him.  Ministry of Motherhood speaks of Jesus' plan for discipleship with principles that I followed from scripture with my own children. We have great freedom to live out God's design within the unique confines of our own personality and family story--and each will be a unique picture of His glory in our home.

Understanding Biblical foundations  and pondering His word give freedom to be yourself in your home, to live into your God-crafted role, and  to watch the Spirit of God shape your children's hearts for Him in your own way within your unique home.God's word gives honor to individuality and to the glory of walking with Him by faith.

In the absence of Biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture. And people who know better than to follow culture will usually try to find a list of rules to follow! The problem is, children don't read parenting books. And parenting books don't read your children! So no one else can tell you the best way to raise the child God has put in your house, with these issues, and these talents, in this season of your own life. God delights in whispering wisdom and understanding about your own family puzzle into your own heart.

The only one who can show you how to be a great mom is your Father. Will you ask Him, today?

When Life Gets Tough, Put On Lipstick & Podcast

Sometimes, we need to just stop life from invading every moment of our day and sapping us from energy and take the time to make a new plan. Rest, rest, rest. We all need to regularly rest to keep ourselves alive.

Recently, I asked my adult kids what they really thought mattered. Maybe you should ask yours:

This from nightly walk with the kids:

People---not things

Kindness not being right

True life virtue---not opinion or debate

Loving, redeeming, forgiving, extending grace...

Not judgment, criticism, self-righteousness, cynicism 

Living into His grace as a habit of living well with others...

Not striving to impress or earn love through works, accomplishment, status, fulfilling expectations,  influence,

Being intentional...not just frantically busy

Seeking Him, pondering Him, listening to Him.....

Not the approval of man or living by the rules of others or seeking to be popular but living happily within the limitations of life

Seeking the Kingdom and eternity.... not the kingdom or voices of the world

Honestly admitting a need, confessing a weakness or sin...

Not stuffing our insecurities and pretending to be perfect

Being humble and meek...not powerful and influential

Waiting for Him...not living in the flesh and striving

Living a life of worship...

Not living a life of self-fulfillment, but one focussed on meeting the needs of others

Being still and knowing He is God...not living a noisy, empty life

Loving well with words, actions, and setting an atmosphere of love and acceptance, not competition

These, my treasures, and another view from our nightly walk--irreplaceable.

When Life Gets Tough, put on Lipstick.