My Primary Responsibility and Joy

 

"God holds us accountable for our stewardship of His blessings. And that means I am responsible for the ways in which I choose to care for the children He has given me. At the Judgment, I know I will give an account to Him for these precious lives He entrusted into my hands.

As a woman who has enjoyed a career of teaching, speaking, counseling, and writing, I have had to make many difficult decisions to cut my career opportunities in order to focus on my family priorities. However, I have come to realize that embracing God's call to the duties of motherhood doesn't diminish my abilities to use my gifts, strength, and training, but fulfills a part of God's design.

Loving my children, protecting them, and building them into a godly heritage is a life's work worth far more than any money or status I might find in a career. If the mother who gave her children life is not willing to do what it takes to provide security, love, protection, instruction, and stability for her own cildren, then who will be willing to do so? Many will be orphans in a crowded world, longing for the security they were supposed to find in their own family.

If we want to experience the blessing of God and have a sense of wholeness to our lives, we must seek to understand His original design as clearly as possible. We will then have a map by which to travel toward God's destination. But we need to do more than understand. We also need to commit to living as mothers with undivided hearts--dedicating ourselves fully to the task of building a home and nurturing our children." ~The Mission of Motherhood

One thing I think many moms find difficult is the fact that every yes is by definition also a no. A "yes" to time watching somersaults in the backyard is a "no" to a phone call, a glance through a magazine, or a bit of alone time. A "yes" to asking friends over for a time of encouragement is a "no" to the free time you might have spent on yourself, rather than cleaning the bathroom, organizing your notes for the evening, or baking cookies to share. "Yes" to the carpool means "no" to sleeping in; "yes" to playing during bath time means "no" to your favorite television show ... and on and on it goes.

As a mom, what we really need is long-range vision! While the decision to draw your circle of direct influence a little smaller than many around you choose to draw theirs might  appear to minimize who you are,  the truth lies elsewhere. Think about a drop of food coloring splashed into a cup of water. The more water, the more diluted the color. And so it is with each one of us. When we spread ourselves thin, leaving no time for snuggles and backrubs, Bible study and reading deeply, family vacations and Saturday afternoons at the park, our influence becomes diluted.

So may I suggest something, mama? Feel free to say lots of "yes"-es to your littles, and lots of "no"-s to others. Limit yourself in this season of mothering young ones, and watch your influence grow where it's most important.

I have never heard a woman say, "I wish I would have worked more hours while my children were young" or, "I wish I would have read more magazines and watched fewer somersaults." Rather, the longing is for time long slipped away, somersaults tumbled and blown away like so many autumn leaves.

The Last Homely House...a project of life art

Helen Allingham

“Frodo was now safe in the Last Homely House east of the Sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, ‘a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep, or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all.’ Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.” The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

As a lover of great literature, Rivondell, in Lord of the Rings, captivated my attention and Sarah's and Joy's attention. Picturing our home as a place that remembers all the great life from eras gone by and that captures its beauty, has been one of our goals, that has given us hours and years of collecting and crafting and nurturing over the years.

A library that holds all the great books of children's literature and classics and great thinkers, biographies and writers is a must. And now, due to Clay's kindness to move his office to the basement, I have our library as a tea room of sorts. With comfy chairs, a tea set, art and paintings from my background all over the walls, with candle light and music--it is a lovely getaway where I can share heart-to-heart with all in my wake.

A well-stocked kitchen with all sorts of home-made recipes crafted over years of testing, with all the holiday food; food for those who are ill; birthday fare; winter-cold-night soups and breads and all sorts of healthy variety in between.

Fireplaces where stories are told and ideas discussed and children are cuddled.

bedrooms with comfy chairs and piles of books in baskets to encourage reading and quiet times and of course candles galore.

Piano, guitars, drums, flute, dulcimer--all collected over the years--some more used than others, but all for practicing producing music of all sorts.

Games and book baskets and art books and cd's and Pandora and dvd's from all imaginings to instruct, inspire, soothe, comfort and to stoke the imagination.

Clusters of chairs, grouped together to encourage great and close conversations--rockers on the front porch; setees and big chairs on the back deck; gatherings of chairs in 2's all over the house to make a close meeting and discipleship time for all who are there.

And of course a bookshelf in every room, with each child collecting his own library.

A suitable place for traditions celebrated and momentous occasions retold and the Bible read, over and over and over again--to remember Him and stories of faith and heroes and courage and holiness.

This is what I have had in my heart to shape--a home that breathes life and truth and love into all who would enter--

To make sure my home, for my family and friends, is indeed the last homely house and that all that has been excellent and worthwhile over the ages is celebrated in its walls--

because everyone needs a place to belong and a home where welcome is always fresh with all who cross the doorway.

Expressing Emotion through Song (and Psalm!)

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

O my God, in You I trust,

Do not let me be ashamed;

Do not let my enemies exult over me.

Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed;

Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.

Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;

According to Your lovingkindness remember me,

For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord. . .

 For Your name’s sake, O Lord,

Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

My eyes are continually toward the Lord,

For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,

For I am lonely and afflicted.

The troubles of my heart are enlarged;

Bring me out of my distresses.

Look upon my affliction and my trouble,

And forgive all my sins.

Look upon my enemies, for they are many,

And they hate me with violent hatred.

Guard my soul and deliver me;

Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.

Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,

For I wait for You.

Redeem Israel, O God,

Out of all his troubles." ~ Psalm 25

Have you ever felt that you needed to hide your feelings from the Lord?

In times of difficulty and disappointment, it can be tempting to withdraw from God; to take your ugly feelings and stuff them down, assuming they are too ugly for Him to look at, or that He would be angry with your negative reactions to life's circumstances. The Bible confronts that fear, though, if we look at it as God's great story. In this Book we find so many others sharing their feelings with the Lord--from the dark side of the spectrum of emotion to the bright.

"The Word of God is my comfort.

It has been my help, my refuge, and my encouragement in difficult times. I have read through the Psalms more times than I can count and underlined hundreds of their comforting, reassuring verses. The Psalms express the whole spectrum of human emotion; joy, lament, pain, grief, and love. Over two-thirds of the Psalms are songs of lament, prayers to God amid difficulties or trials. The writers often tell God that they can't see Him and don't see the answers to their prayers.

There is so much human experience, human reality, and human emotion in the Bible, and they are all bound up within the story of how real people relate to God. In Jeremiah there are long laments and songs of sorrow over sin and God's discipline. In Hebrews there is encouragement, a sort of heart-strengthening pep talk for the new Hebrew believers that had become discouraged and weary in their walk with God. In John I see that some of Jesus' last words to His own disciples were, "In this world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

Knowing that lament, struggle, and sorrow have been a legitimate part of the lives of all believers in the past has helped comfort me in my own life during my times of darkness and doubt. Ultimately though, the reason these stories and words are so poignant to me in my pain is because they are given to me by God. It is through His precious Word that He comes to encourage and renew, gently reminding me that I am not alone in my sorrows. His story reminds me that I am part of a company who has strained against the futility and darkness in this world. In real life, light and truth seem so hidden and obscure. In these times, God's Word truly is a  'lamp to my feet and a light to my path.'"                        ~ from The Mom Walk

God longs to hear the cry of your heart. And when there are no words, reading the Psalms is a beautiful way to get some of those cries out. I have found rest and surprising joy in pouring my own emotions out before God. I pray you will feel His comfort, defense, and joy in your trust, when you do, too!

A friend who walks through all the wildernesses of life...

"Joy and Sarah enjoying being pals.

"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend." Robert Lewis Stevenson

Today, I am in Earlington, Kentucky. Those of you who have read my books and blog for a while, know that one of the graces in my life is that God taught me early how important it was to cultivate friendships so that I would not be alone. He also taught me that I am responsible to reach out and to nurture the relationships that come my way with those who make me want to do better and love God more. Gwennie is a friend who has been with me through all manner of wilderness in my life and loved me still. Sarah and Joy are my wilderness friends and companions.

I was on the phone yesterday with Joy for a little over a half hour and have been talking to Sarah (who is in Tennessee for a conference where she will be speaking), every day for about 20 minutes as we never have enough time to invest in each other's lives and tell each other what is going on.

I miss my sweet girls and they are ever going to be my own best friends, because of time and commitment shared deeply over the years. I love lots of people, but they are my inner circle.

But, many years ago, God gave me an angel friend who is like my very own sister that I never had. Today, I am at her house visiting, languishing, resting in a place where she knows all of my "warts" for so many years and loves me anyway. My soul needed charging and we each make it a priority to spend time together every year for 34 years because we made a Jonathan-David commitment to each other--to take care of each other and to love and help each other as family. So, today, I give you a little bit about my sweet friend, Gwennie, as we are spending our time today celebrating life together.

When I was a young single missionary living in Poland, I had my precious pal, Gwennie, to live with under harsh conditions. Poland was under the communist rule of Russia during those years. Not much in the way of food to be found--rarely could we find meat. Fruit was scarce except in seasonal times. (Remind me to tell you my banana story sometime!) Life was hard. We were living subversively seeking to lead people to Christ and share Bibles in a country where it was illegal.

However, Gwennie and I, being women created by God to be nurturers,  took care of each other. We spent almost every waking hour together. Walking a couple of miles to school where we struggled through the Polish language. Scouring the market square for some fresh food of some kind. Inviting girls from all over the country to stay with us to learn the Bible, we were partners in everything.

If one of us was sick, the other took care and made a cup of tea. Every night we would light candles on our little coffee table (didn't have a dining table), put on music, eat dinner (usually one more kind of eggs as it was one of the only things we could easily get), and have a lovely time of fellowship. After dinner, we would read a chapter of a book out-loud. It was where I first read, Treasures of the Snow, by Patricia St. John. What a delight to be with a sister-friend, over candlelight, entering the world of Switzerland, children, and a rousing story, with a cup of coffee and celebrate some moments together.

The single men missionaries, however, did not fare so well. Many times they got sick more often, they became lonely and often returned from the mission field earlier. Why? I think it was because men didn't nurture each other! Women did.

Years ago, I decided that women did better long term as missionaries because they were made to be help-meets. They knew how to take care of people--even their roommates.

I have had a theory for many years that women, nurturers, are better able to sustain life, as they were created by God to do so. Celebrate womanhood at its best--nurture another woman in friendship, love and memories. My girls and I with Gwen in a "girl's club" memory last year. She is an honorary member! But for those of you who don't have sisters or daughters, I believe you can adopt them! I don't have a sister, but I have my sweet friends. I make time with them, meals, outings, phone chats, visits to far away sisters (Gwen!), because they bring affirmation, love, fun, care and nurture in ways that only girlfriends and sisters can. Sarah, Joy and I even have what we call "Girl's club" where we make time only for the girls!

So, plan to find a "sister"-friend that you can share life with. It will make you healthier and happier!

Playing the Holy Spirit in Our Children's Lives

This is how I do NOT want my children to see me! 

 There are so many burdens we can take on as mothers. Wanting to lead our children in the right direction; to help them learn the ways of God and love Him, to teach them how to best respond to and treat other people ... our list of things we ought to be doing grows long. And sometimes that means we start hovering, watching every move they make, worrying lest we miss an opportunity to correct them or give advice about something happening in their lives.

It's good to take our responsibility seriously. Yet especially as a young mom, I found I could sometimes go overboard! When I mixed worry with my good intentions, the end result was often needless distress. And if I was also worrying about what others might be thinking about me, I found myself experiencing the "fear of man" that "bringeth a snare"! Thankfully, after many years of walking with the Lord and noticing the way He gently guides my own steps,  I learned to relax and trust His leading in their lives, too.

"Sometimes we feel that we need to play the role of the Holy Spirit in our children's lives and impose great guilt on them so they will be hesitant to sin anymore. But I don't see this in the life of Jesus. Yes, Jesus always called His disciples and followers to the highest standards. He taught that He came to fulfill the law and that all the commandments of God were of utmost importance (Matthew 5:17-20). And yet, wherever He went, Jesus proclaimed forgiveness and extended His gracious forgiveness to all who sought Him--including tax collectors, prostitutes, and even a thief on the cross. He maintained this same attitude of gentle and gracious forgiveness toward the disciples even as they abandoned Him at the cross. Jesus took the time to personally talk to them about sin and to offer them grace. And it was this gracious forgiveness, I believe, that opened their hearts so that they "loved much."

Our children need the same kind of gentle graciousness from us if they are to learn to share their vulnerability, to confess their own sins, and to be free to love. If they fear our strong condemnation and possible rejection, they will hide their sins, perhaps even deceive themselves about the nature of it. They will definitely not avail themselves of our mature direction in their lives."~ The Ministry of Motherhood

Reminding myself of God's gracious, tender love toward me helps me extend that same graciousness to my children. Take a moment and rest in His great love for you, sweet mom! He will guide your steps, and your children's, too.

My last weekend with 30 wonderful moms..... our intensive!

This is what I was doing last weekend.......And it all happened with friends at my home and the home of my dear friend, Deb!

Mom Heart Leaders Intensive

by Kristen Kill

Mom Heart Leaders Intensive

September 17, 2012

"Lady Wisdom prepares her home, prepares beauty and good food and then invites others in.

Wisdom encompasses a whole life of living and building on the purposes, design and messages of God. Wisdom extends itself through relationships, our influence, the practical ways we live life, the values we hold, the art we create, the influence we have, the legacy we leave."

-Sally Clarkson

Mom Heart Writers and Leadership on Sally's Staircase

Do you remember a time when someone prepared a place for you? When there was a sense of beauty and place and care that cried out to your heart that there was celebration in your coming? When your heart was opened over a simple cup of tea or by the light of a flickering candle, when you felt love, deep at your core and knew you were valued and accepted by another person?

"To say that you are loved is one thing, but to feel loved is quite another entirely." -Sally Clarkson

Some of the beauty prepared for our time together

This weekend, the leadership of Mom Heart were welcomed in, gathered together, to grow and learn and to be loved on in the homes of our leadership in Colorado. It was a time of deep refreshing and teaching, but most of all, experiencing the love and beauty and fullness of life and home that God extends to each of our hearts and that we long to extend to you in our online home. We hope you enjoy some pictures of our time together, of the real life of  these women who are so honored to share words and community with you here. Some wisdom from our teaching time is peppered throughout as well. I hope it soaks deep into your heart today, friends. You are so, so loved.

Enjoying lunch among the pines

"Beauty is spiritually significant. It is at the center of how God makes himself known to us and beauty is central to how we share God with others." - Sarah Clarkson

Makaela and Shelly- makers of our feasts and part of the local Colorado Springs Mom Heart Leadership

We can not know God fully without experiencing the fullness of creation. We can not separate ourselves from beauty and nature and fellowship and good food and sacred music and ideas and poetry." -Sarah Clarkson

Phyllis Stanley, teaching us how to make amazing bear claws to celebrate life at home

"There is no neutrality in Christian living. Either you are flourishing and growing or you are slowly dying."

Our gracious hosts and ministry founders, Clay and Sally Clarkson

Your Mom Heart Online Leadership, Kristen Kill, Sally Clarkson and Misty Krasawski

"We must realize the importance of serving an incarnate God and being incarnate to others."

Enjoying the coziness of company and a delicious meal at Sally's.

A wise woman takes responsibility for her own well-being, because she knows it is her well-spring of life.

-Sally Clarkson

The real side of your leadership, ladies! Sarah Mae, Katy Rose and Stacy Buck, representing our goofiness!

"There is a tendency to put God in a box, to live by rules and maxims and to know more about rules than the wild and untame Lion that He is."

-Sally Clarkson

Joel Clarkson, aka The Composer, blessing us with his beautiful music!

" You have an obligation to pour out the hope that is in you!"

Some delicious quiche, Sally's famous recipe.

"God created women to be truth-bearers, light bearers- civilizers- but so many miss the beauty of God's design for femininity." -Sally Clarkson

Sandra Maddox, Jeanna Young and Sally at tea time

"In the absence of Biblical wisdom, we will speak and write and live from a worldly opinion instead of the truth and knowledge of God." -Sally Clarkson

Sally teaching  in one of our sessions about guarding our hearts.

"If you don't have a foundation, you will take everything as truth, and then you will live by the premises of other people." -Sally Clarkson

Kat and Kristen Habermehl

"When a generation is not fed and trained and filled with excellence, they will simply reflect the culture." -Sally Clarkson

Which of these reflections stands out the most to you today, mama?

**used blog 9/24/2020God's Timing

What a lovely picture. The light in it is caught so beautifully, and I can just imagine the sound this lady's dress makes as she swooshes down her hallways.

Have you ever watched a grandfather clock as this little one does here? The pendulum swings back and forth, causing gears inside to move ... tick, tock; tick, tock. I wonder sometimes if we've lost something (else) with our digital timepieces--the ability to watch time go by, physically. The workings of a clock like that are almost mesmerizing. Watching a number "magically" change on your wrist or in your hand doesn't quite have the same effect!

How often I've felt like this girl, watching the workings of the clock and wondering at the passage of time. I wonder if she's in a hurry for the bells to ring, denoting the passing of another hour. She's got her hands clasped as if in anticipation. Perhaps she's waiting for her father to return home, or anxious to leave on her own trip. Maybe she's just ready for dinner! She watches the time go by with every swing of that shiny pendulum. And yet ... no noise! Why isn't the bell ringing?

She sees the movement, but that's all she can see. She's too short to look at the actual clock face! And in that, she's a bit like us. Because while she's in a hurry, anxious for the chimes to ring, watching moments go ticking by ... she can't see what time it actually is.

"The Bible is our direct source for perceiving God's attributes, noticing how He dealt with people in the past, and learning what is important to Him. Our whole Christian life isn't primarily about being good or doing the right thing. Our lives are to be about a personal relationship--a love cultivated between Creator and creature, Father and child.

By spending time in His Word, we come to know His heart. God longs for relationship with us and honors those who love Him and search for Him. Reading Scripture in such a way as to know Him better and look for clues as to how He interacts with human beings has given me a better understanding of how to please Him. I have learned how He deals with others so that I can better understand His work in my own life.

For instance, as I read and ponder the stories of the Bible--the lives of Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Joseph, and David, I see that they all had to wait for many years to see their promise from God fulfilled. It gives me a pattern for being mature. Apparently some things take a long time. I can see that God's timing and ways in the lives of those He has used are different than the ways of this world. In this world, I want immediate gratification--Answer my prayer now! Yet I see that those who were godly had to wait in faith for years, trusting that they would see the faithful hand of God in His time." ~from The Mom Walk

Ahhhh ... waiting. It is common to God's people. "There is nothing new under the sun," as Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us.

Will I rest in His timing? Knowing that the clock really belongs to my Father, and He can see what time it is, though all I see is the moving of gears? Will I trust that He knows all and that when the time has fully arrived, He will surely cause the song to ring out, heralding the change I'm eagerly awaiting?

Spending time in His word reminds me that He will be faithful, though I wait long.

Are you waiting, too, today?

Like Apples of Gold: Encouraging Words

Doesn't this group look like they're having a good time? I wish I could eavesdrop on their conversations. I wonder what Renoir heard the day he painted this particular view?

Our words are powerful. As it reads in Proverbs ...

A soothing tongue is a tree of life." Prov. 15:4

A man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word! Prov. 15:23

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances." Prov. 25:11

"Encouraging and affirming words--words of life, as I like to call them--have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard time, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong. Yet I have found that very few people really take the time to say those words that all of us, and especially our children, long to hear.

I love and appreciate you!

Your friendship means a lot to me!

I believe in you and in what God is doing in your life!

You are special to the Lord and to me, and I am praying for you.

Thinking good thoughts about someone doesn't really bless that person. We have to take the initiative actually to say the words--in person, through a card or email, or even though a phone call.

As I look to the life of Jesus, I see that He constantly blessed people with His words. He often spoke encouragement and affirmation directly to those around Him, or affirmed them before others." ~from The Ministry of Motherhood

And so I must learn to do the same. When a child or friend has a bad day, am I quick to point out how they've caused their issues? Impatient with listening if it seems I've heard them say something similar before? Am I longsuffering and kind to my husband? Do I feel the need to boast of my accomplishments when I am around other people who work in my field?

Sometimes encouraging words aren't said simply because I forget how important they are. And yet just a few moments of thought back to the last person who spoke affirming words to me brings a smile, renewed courage and strength for the tasks at hand.

May we all be encouragers--givers of courage!

Make it your ambition

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life." I Thess. 4:11

Savory soups bubbling on the stove and warm bread with butter and strong cures of cheese, accompanied  by homemade applesauce.

Long walks in the woods and mountains, taking in the art of leaves, chill wind, color and reminder that life is always changing, and always to be cherished-- with my most precious ones.

Fireplaces blazing with tea or coffee or cider and stories being read.

Real conversations that take lots of time, face to face without my eyes on a machine or phone--but real listening, touching, sharing hearts, giving words of encouragement and life--which require time and focus.

Long quiet times, seeking Him and His values and His ways for myself and my family.

Filling my mind with story, encouragement, inspiration, rest, so that I actually have something left in my soul to offer to those who would draw from there.

Rest and Sabbath times--quiet, away, undistracted, peaceful.

This is my hope for autumn.

**used blog 9/17/2020 Choosing To Find Beauty

When life is extra busy and demands for your time stack up like firewood against an expected long winter ...

When pressures from without and within build greater than you think you can bear ...

When it seems there's just not enough you to meet every need ...

What's your response? Do you retreat? Lash out? Do less, in a wild effort to retain some sort of energy for yourself?

Perhaps that's not the best way. All of those are my natural reactions, too. But something Sarah said one day gave me pause. As I wrote in The Mom Walk ...

"One day, during some heavy, depleting financial issues in our family's life, I decided to get up before everyone else. I made homemade pecan-apple pancakes, lit candles, put on soothing instrumental music, and had a lovely table set when the kids and Clay arose. We all enjoyed the breakfast surprise together. After we finished, Sarah was sitting next to me on the couch. She kissed my cheek and said, 'You know, Mom, when you act happy and bring joy to our life, I feel secure and that all is well. But when you are upset and down, I feel guilty, like we have done something wrong and it makes me feel like brooding. Thanks for making the effort. I feel happy this morning.'

I realized that one of the roles God wants me to play in my children's lives is a conductor of joy, happiness, and celebration. After all, God designed our need for these things into our very hearts. We were made to enjoy life and our Creator, and we were meant to choose to live in His beauty and provision.

This doesn't mean I won't have difficulties or times of depression. But I do have choices I can make as a mom that will determine the environment in my home. When I choose to notice, every day, the beauty of my children instead of the duties my children bring my way, I am worshiping God. When I choose to notice the gorgeous sunsets and the spring flowers in the midst of busy days, I am teaching my children to dance, so to speak, through their days. When I choose to believe in the goodness of God and verbalize my love for Him, and make an effort to provide delightful food, thoughtful cards, and moments of fun, I am showing my children a God they will be willing to serve-- a God who delights in filling their deep desires for intimacy, happiness, purpose, and beauty."~ from The Mom Walk

 The Lord understands our weariness! And He is also able to give us the grace to deal with the stresses and personality conflicts and disappointments and burdens of life. He gives us puppies to laugh over and spicy foods to enjoy and beautiful music to delight our ears even in the midst of crazy days. Today, what loveliness can you find to share with your family, to show them the wooing grace of the Father?