Embracing Serving Our Children, Because Time Goes Quickly

"Six years passed between my third child, Nathan, and my fourth child, Joy. I had had three miscarriages and didn't think I would ever have another baby. By the time Joy came, I had lived through the early youth of my other three children and had seen that they really did grow up quickly. Finally, by experience, I understood that the dependent stage of early childhood was only for a season. I could see how important it was to enjoy each day and treasure these moments of early life with my children, because the years did pass quickly. How I wished I could take back all the impatient words I had said, all the guilt I had imposed on my older children just because they were acting their age and taking up my time. Fortunately, they remember mostly the good times and not my immature responses to their normal behavior.

I was much more patient with the interruptions that Joy brought to my life because I realized that I might never have this opportunity again. I cherished our time alone while she nursed. I enjoyed the sweet moments when she would crawl into bed with me and snuggle close. Having made my peace (mostly) with the reality that giving my children time is a part of serving them, I was able to relax and open myself to the joys of being with them.

These days I have no baby in the house. Instead, I have an exuberant seven-year-old and three teenagers. And these beloved children still take up all of my time, but in different ways. Yet since I know that this is a necessary sacrifice, a part of my service to them and to God, it is easier to bear--partly because I have made the choice to embrace the task of mothering, partly because I have come to terms with the natural demands children make on my time, but mostly because my attitude has changed." ~ The Mission of Motherhood

Of course if you know our family, you're aware that the seven-year-old I mentioned is now in her first year at Biola University, while the teenagers have grown into lovely adults who are my best friends. And now, even more, I realize how swiftly time flies and how quickly our opportunity to serve and nurture and shape the hearts of our children in such an intensive way, 24 hours a day, passes by.

Looking at Jesus interacting with His disciples; with crowds, pushing and pulling, demanding, shouting, jostling most days for three years straight; reading of how He took children on His lap when others would have pushed them away; amazed at how He washes 120 toes the night before He is sentenced to death--all of these things give me a picture of what my life as a mom is all about. True joy comes ... sometimes slowly ... in fits and starts ... two steps forward, one step back ... when I develop a long-range vision and believe His promise that my work will not go unrewarded.

 Praying for you today, that the Lord would give you a vision, soften your heart, and strengthen you for the days ahead!

When Dancing With the Lord Has Twists and Turns

I hope you're joining us at MomHeart Online and The Better Mom for our fall Book Club where we're studying my book, Dancing With My Father! Dancing was written specifically to address the difficulty of finding joy in a fallen world. It seems more and more important to me as time goes on that women know this truth; that the Lord can help us live with joy, if we will hold tightly to Him and not give up!

Today we're talking about chapter four, at The Better Mom. Won't you join us, and share your thoughts? Here's a snippet from this chapter ...

“Often it seems we would rather have another life—any life—than our own. Somehow we think if we lived a different life, it would be easier for us to grow in faithfulness and spiritual character. Yet it is in accepting today with all of its issues, in accepting God’s will and training grounds that we learn the secret of joy in His presence. It is in being faithful to our own set of tests that we become mature and fitted for the ministry He has called each of us to accomplish.” ~Sally Clarkson, Dancing With My Father

See you there! 

A Harvest Party and Pumpkin Cake to Match

 

The palette of God's painting is the splendid world of color where He crafts His beauty for our pleasure. Daily taking walks in places chosen with care, has filled my soul with worship, as I look for the amazing detail to which He goes to bring our souls pleasure through what He has designed.

The colors of fall and the billowing leaves blowing to His symphony give me great pleasure. I was sitting quietly the other morning and watched the leaves literally dancing as they fluttered in breezes onto a lake that shined and whipped about in the wind. It was a symphony and ballet of natural beauty and delight.

Yet, one must take the time to notice or the loveliness of the moment will be lost. Throughout our whole lives, I have taken my sweet ones with me to observe God's artistry.

I would ask them to:

"Name all the colors you can see in the sunset sky."

"How many different shapes of leaves have fallen to the ground? Look at each design--they are as beautiful and as different as snowflakes."

To not take notice is to ignore God.

And so, in His image, when we create beauty and order, we are co-artists with God--the color of our homes, the interesting ways we place books, pictures, paintings, objects of interest, all reflect His imprint on our lives and are a part of incarnating Him in our homes.

So, in celebration of His art of our lives, last Saturday, we invited a house full of friends to come over for a harvest evening. A potluck of wonderful food with white chicken chile at the center (Sarah made it) and all sorts of offerings, we ate to our fill.

Finally, we ended with Clay on guitar, Joel on piano, and my friend Terri, who plays the violin, with a rousing series of soul filled singing. A night to remember as we worshipped and celebrated His art within us.

Terri's Oh So Delectable Pumpkin Cake

(Pumpkin Bundt Cake with Apple-Date Filling) Ingredients 3/4 cup finely chopped pumpkin seeds 1 1/2 cups peeled and diced Granny Smith apples 2 tablespoons butter, melted 1/2 cup finely chopped dried dates 1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour 2 cups granulated sugar 1 cup butter, softened 4 large eggs 1 (15-oz.) can pumpkin 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 3 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1/2 teaspoon baking soda Sugared Pecans and Pumpkin Seeds Caramel Glaze Preparation . 1. Preheat oven to 350°. Bake pumpkin seeds in a single layer in a shallow pan 6 to 8 minutes or until toasted, stirring halfway through. Cool 15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 325°. . 2. Toss diced apples in 2 Tbsp. melted butter to coat in a medium bowl; add chopped dates, next 2 ingredients, and toasted pumpkin seeds, and toss until well blended. . 3. Beat granulated sugar and 1 cup butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating just until blended after each addition. Add pumpkin and vanilla; beat just until blended. . 4. Stir together 3 cups flour and next 3 ingredients. Gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture, beating at low speed just until blended after each addition. Spoon half of batter into a greased and floured 10-inch (12-cup) Bundt pan. Spoon apple mixture over batter, leaving a 1/2-inch border around outer edge. Spoon remaining batter over apple mixture.

Enjoy each luscious bite and then go out and celebrate the artistry of fall!

Book Club: Dancing With My Father {Chapter Three} Giving up our Rights to Him

Myles Birkett

I have thought a lot lately about the nature of a child. A child, who is cared for and loved, generally trusts his father with all of the details of life. As a matter of fact, a secure child doesn't even ponder the issues of life, but just lives into the moment, because he has not ever had to carry the issues of life.

And Jesus says,  “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Innocence, trust, pure in heart.

I think that as I look back over my own life, I can see that God has intervened, provided, taught, comforted and held me up even in the dark times.

Not all of the moments of my life in this world have been easy, many have been devastating. But I wish I had spent less time worrying, less time fretting or telling God my will. I know that He is good. I also understand that we live in a fallen place where evil abides and where Satan tempts and accuses and has stirred up people to turn away from God.

But now I see that nothing separates me from the love of God. Nothing.

How much easier it would have been if I had just released all of my own "carrying" of these burdens. It would have been so much better if I had understood that it was not for me to "figure out" all of the "whys," but I so wish,  I had just left it up to Him, His will, His ways, His wisdom. My life would have held more peace, and I would have heard more of His whispers of comfort and felt more joy in living and resting in His strength and abiding love.

“God’s desire is for us to experience true joy and deep fulfillment. It must start, however, with the journey into the recesses of our heart. It is only as we release our hold on the things that we think we need to be truly happy, when we open our hands freely, that we experience true joy. We yield our demands and expectations to Him so that we may take His hand and let Him lead us into the dance of joy. He is the One who will teach us. But it requires a total relinquishment of self and a simple trust in a great God, simple faith to understand that He who created joy will lead us on the pathway that ends in the joy that will last forever.” ~ Sally Clarkson, Dancing With My Father

Here's a question each of us must answer:  Are you willing to give away all that you think is valuable in order to find all that truly has worth?

We're discussing chapter three of my book, Dancing With My Father, today at MomHeart Online! Join us?

Mentoring Monday Train Up a Child

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs  22:6

Many questions I receive every week have to do with the discipline of children.  And I will answer some as we go along. However, training is the base for children learning to behave and to obey the will of their parents. Training is important to the character development of children. The children who are the most intelligent and most content and least problematic are the ones who have been held the most and had the most personal input from their parents at an early age and whose needs have been attended to. So training starts with the heart attitude of the parents and their willingness to play their loving and cherishing role in a mature and attending way.

There is so much to talk about, and I can't possibly cover everything in one short video, but I hope this will encourage you and give you some ideas for your children.

Let me know what you think!

The Balance Between Grace and Discipline When Training Children

My children are an indescribable gift.

Each one is different, crafted with particular traits and talents that make them unique. While we share traditions and memories, favorite books and foods, values and beliefs, I can see God's fingerprints on each one -- and His way of crafting each individual to reflect something different of His own heart.

This is why there will never be a formula for exactly how you should raise your children. Because each one is an individual, living in your home, with your circumstances and your values and your community of friends.

Discipline encompasses all we do to train and mold and encourage our children to grow in the grace of God, to shape their characters to be like His, to help them find those particular bents and talents that best magnify God in their lives.

Disciplining children well means first knowing them--what's going on in their lives, their strengths and weaknesses, their particular idiosyncrasies that perhaps no one else would know. And then it requires that I know and listen to the Lord, asking for His wisdom when I'm confused as to whether they need correction, encouragement, or more training. So often the whiny child is tired, the grouchy child is hungry, and what they really need is a fix to that problem rather than a stern correction--and that goes for adults, too!

"I have often met well-intentioned parents who think they must be harsh and demanding to their young children in order to secure their obedience and good behavior and to build their characters. Too often, I'm afraid, they fall into the trap of simply lording it over their children rather than truly reaching their hearts.

I'm not saying that obedience and behavior and character aren't important. In fact, I think that teaching our children these qualities is essential. I believe, however, that Jesus showed us plainly the most effective way to do this: by modeling obedience and right behavior and good character. And this requires us to do what Jesus did for the disciples--to lead our children not only by telling them what to do, but by showing them.

When we choose to graciously overlook our children's messes and accidents, we are teaching them to be patient and forgiving with the mistakes of others. When we react sensitively, thoughtfully, and patiently to them, we are helping to instill these qualities in their lives. As they benefit from our unconditional love, they learn to extend it to others as well. As they watch us extend hospitality, care for others, and pray for them, they learn to make service a part of life. And as they observe us searching Scripture, spending time with the Lord, and making faith-based decisions, they learn these things as well. Modeling loving service to our children gives them something to emulate in their own lives." The Mission of Motherhood

Aren't you glad He knows you and is patient with you? Do you ever feel pressure to discipline a certain way because someone else said so, rather than trusting your heart about what your child might really need? 

Book Club: Dancing With My Father Chapter Two!

From the first, Satan has desired to reign over God's kingdom. There is a battle for allegiance. This fallen place, we call the world, is the place Satan appears as an angel of light. He promises fulfillment through vanity, and materialism and power and extreme beauty and sex--but all of these, in the end, will disappoint and leave us longing for more.

But God created us to see the invisible fingertips of Him in our lives, the glory of His creation, the reality of His love manifested in countless ways and the generous and abounding love expressed throughout the story of His people.

But to see this glory and to experience the wild freedom He has provided, we have to look at our lives through the lens of eternity. We must develop ears to hear His true kingdom messages.

To be Holy means to be set apart--apart from the crowd--as David was. He saw the giant, Goliath, as an opportunity to show the glory of God and his reality and power. "Whereas David celebrated God as the One who created laughter, beauty, pleasure, music, food, and goodness, Satan would love for me to believe that God is a spoiler--one who looks for my faults, who delights in making my life difficult and in ruining my hopeful expectation fo what life could be. After all, didn't Satan start out by suggesting doubt in God's goodness to Adam and Eve? It seemed I had slowly forgotten that God was good. I had inadvertently bought into Satan's suggestion that God was only interested in my dry obedience.

What if, in truth, our God is the party Planner? (Didn't He say He was preparing a wedding feast for us and building mansions in heaven?) What if the same God who created a breathtaking garden, planned purpose and the love of family and friendship and the fulfillment of productive work, who delighted in children, who touched the sick and rejected, and who gave grace to the prostitutes and tax collectors is the God whose companionship we can enjoy each day?

As I thought on this, I realized that duty, forced obedience, and works never satisfied my soul or fooled my mind into thinking that dry acquiescence to spiritual dogma was equivalent to being a Christian who really knew and loved God. Knowing God deeply, intimately, personally within the borders of my own personality was what I hungered and thirsted for. I wanted to dance as David danced!" ~from Dancing With My Father, chapter two

May your heart, today, be filled with the invisible reality of His presence, His wisdom and His ways even in this day and this place in your life.

Scones to Die for!

So many times, when I travel, I come across precious women who touch my heart, even though I never get to log in enough time with them. Janelle Nehrenz is one such friend. Her gentle spirit, sweet heart, captured my attention when I was at the Relevant Blogging conference a couple of years ago. I am so very honored that she agreed to share one of her favorite recipes with us today.  She also shares her wonderful hospitality with so many, loves to reach out to other moms to tell them about Jesus and has the most beautiful blog with wonderful recipes. Janelle also writes for so mamy other people, so it is a privilege to have her with us today. Be sure to visit her blog at:http://comfyinthekitchen.com/  Here she is!

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There is nothing that says "welcome" like freshly baked goods- warm out of the oven. These cinnamon chip scones are no exception. They are buttery, dense, simple , and ready in 20 mins to dip in a cup of piping hot coffee .  This recipe was shared on Comfy in the Kitchen and I have kept it a staple for gatherings, bible studies, and meal ministries. You're going to love it, I just know it....

Sift together dry ingredients, then cut in shortening and butter. I simply take two knives and literally do "just that", I cut it in. {You will get a crumbly texture during this step}.

In a small bowl beat egg with heavy cream {You  may use half and half or milk- your texture will change slightly}.

Stir.

You will have a thicker cookie -dough- batter- like consistency.

You can add whatever you wish at this point....My choice? Cinnamon chips. Other options are blueberries, raisins, chocolate chips, cranberries, or even savory ingredients such as ham and grated cheese. For a sweet scone you may wish to use an egg wash with a coarse sugar topping. This recipe is so versatile!

Mmmmm...

Sprinkle flour on a flat surface and coat your hands. Take scone dough and shape into a ball, then flatten into a disk.

Cut into 8 slices. Make a cross, then another cross in the other direction...pizza cutters work great doing this.

Place on a baking sheet {I use foil for easy clean-up}.

Bake in a 375 oven for 15 mins until golden in color. Oooo...I wish you could smell these right now!

So rich and buttery...the cinnamon chips melt leaving bursts of flavor throughout the scones.

A wonderful morning or afternoon treat...serve with coffee, tea or homemade lemonade.

They are even sweeter, enjoyed with friends.....

  Cinnamon Chip SconesServes 8. Prep time 5 mins. Bake time 15 mins. Total time 20 mins. Ingredients:2 cups flour4 tsp baking powder¼ tsp salt1/3 cup sugar4 T butter2 T shortening¾ cup heavy cream1 eggHandful of cinnamon chips.  Sift together dry ingredients.  Cut in the butter and shortening.  In a separate bowl, beat cream and egg.  Add to the dry ingredients.  Stir in cinnamon chips.  With floured hands, shape dough into a ball and lay out onto a floured surface. Flatten into a disk.  Cut into 8 even wedges using a pizza cutter. Place individual scones onto a baking sheet covered in foil {for easy cleanup}.  Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes or until golden brown.

Sweet Janelle at: http://comfyinthekitchen.com/

AND YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS MOMHEART.ORG TODAY AS MY ANGEL FRIEND, AND CO-HORT IN MINISTRY HAS SUCH AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO YOU ABOUT PRAYER. THANKS, DEB WEAKLY FOR ALL THE WAYS YOU INVEST IN MY LIFE AND SO MANY!

Dancing With My Father Book Club- Chapter 1 {vlog!}

I'm so excited that today is the beginning of our second MomHeart Online Book Club, Dancing With My Father!

We will be sharing thoughts about this book weekly at MomHeart and TheBetterMom, and today I wanted to share some personal thoughts about this book and what I feel is God's heart for women everywhere. This book was written as I studied what God had to say about joy and walking with God throughout all sorts of seasons of life, and I know its message will resound with many of you! Have you ever had a day when you felt like poor sweet Joy? I certainly have! Here's an excerpt from the book, to give you a taste of what it's all about ...

With so much sadness and so many daily burdens to shoulder, how do Christian women maneuver steadily through this journey of life with joy and peace of heart intact? What does it look like to be a woman filled with joy, every day, all the time, no matter what? In the deluge of all the stresses and disappointments in a fallen world, how does a mature Christian woman really walk in the power of the Holy Spirit? How does she face each situation with gladness, despite the relentless and demanding day-after-day, month-after-month, year-after-year things that would rob her of emotional and creative energy such as chores, bills, arguments, messes? Or how does she maintain joy in the center of more devastating troubles: a divorce, the tragic death of a loved one, a child who has a chronic illness or disability, rejection by family members, alcoholism and drug-related scars, a job layoff?

He gave me a personal, visual image of what He wanted me to understand about His joy: that it is wrapped up in Him as my heavenly Father; that He is the Initiator, the Provider, the Lover, the Strong One. In short, He is to be my leading Man in the dance of life.

But even more, dancing seemed to be a visual picture of what God wants me to do in my soul: He wants me to dance inside my heart, no matter what is going on outside in my circumstances. To dance is to celebrate life, to make merry, to physically live out the reality of internal joy. Those who walk closely with the Lord have a secret inner joy, a dancing energy just from knowing Him. It is in having Him as my partner, in letting Him take the lead, that I will be directed around the “dance floor” of my life. He is the One who will show me the steps, how to listen to the music, how to engage my heart with Him and to stay in sync with Him, the real Source of the music, the dance, and the everlasting joy." ~ from Dancing With My Father

The pathway of turning our mourning into dancing, is a secret pathway, away from the world of voices, where God waits for us to be with Him, learn of His ways. His ways our not our ways, Isaiah tells us. They are higher than the heavens are above the earth.

We are merely toddlers, beginning to understand the ways our lives take, the ways of wisdom and love.  Even as a toddler must quit having his little fit and be still in order to receive the comfort and message of their parent's heart, so we must leave our burdens and stresses into His hands, climb up in His lap and allow Him to be God--allow Him to direct our lives and show us how to let go of all that is not essential.

God does not intend us to be filled with anger and frustration and disappointment. Sometimes when we want to blame God, we refuse to see that we have not walked His ways, or followed His paths, and so our lives and our souls are filled up with the world of man, which will always carry with it confusion and grief.

Read the first chapter and follow the questions, and ask God to work in your life as you read this with all of us.

Join Momheart.org for more on the first chapter today. And may He bless each of you with the knowledge that He loves you and is with you and is there to respond.

Will you join us, both in the dance and in our community as we read together? Misty Krasawski is sharing today at MomHeart Online. Come on over and take part in the discussion!

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I am also writing today at Thebettermom.com Join me there!

Mentoring Monday # 2 Cultivating Kindred Spirits and Choosing Priorities!

Normally when I have vlogs or writing to do, I get it done ahead of my deadlines. But, tonight, Sunday night, I had a choice to make--either leave a monthly dinner with friends and come home to do the blog--or share my sweet friends with you!

One of the reasons I did't have time this weekend to do the blog was that my children took unexpected time! I talked on the phone to Joy for 1 1/2 hours! What fun laughing, telling each other about all the things that had happened in the last 2 days, (I last talked to her on Friday!) Also, Joel came home and so we made meals, talked about dreams, future, important decisions, and watched a movie together and of course he had to have a back scratch.

Then there was the long walk with Sarah through the fall leaves downtown and finding an unexpected estate sale where we spend an unexpected hour and a half and found treasures for $5-15--things we just couldn't pass up. And church and reading, and and and.

Part of what I want you to know from this "video" and my sharing, is that once I decided that my children were God's best will for my life, I saw all of my life through this grid. So when I went through my day, in general, if an interruption came into my life, since my "grid" said, "My children are my decided and valued priority," then I could say yes to my children and put the other non-essential things aside because it did not fit with my priorities.  The other tasks and goals in my life are secondary to the plans I have made to keep  the Lord, my children and my husband first.

The effect that this had was that once I had determined that they were God's best will for my life, it was easy to make the choice to keep them in a place of priority. And when I knew and had decided that they were God's will for my life--then I didn't see them as often as interruptions but as gifts. I would see my moments with them as opportunities to love and to teach and to train, instead of seeing them as interruptions to what I wanted to do with my time and with my life. They were not interruptions--they were my priority, from God.

This meant that books did not get written, chores sometimes lagged behind, phone calls were not answered and blogs were not written or edited or I didn't have time to become "more professional" in blogging, because it was not my priority--my children and my husband were my priority.

Obviously this is not a hard and fast rule--I still manage my time to get blogs written sometimes and books written--but much more slowly and only from disciplining my schedule and life so that I made a conscious choice to not let other things steal from my commitment to raise them wholeheartedly as a mom.

So, tonight when time ran short, I asked my friends if they would just share 1 minute of their thoughts with you, because I was not ready to leave the great fellowship we (Clay, the kids and I) were having to the friends we have made a commitment to--being with them was a priority--we have spent years cultivating our friendships, working together in ministry, raising our children--and so in my grid, I knew didn't have to ponder where I would spend my time--with my family and friends, of course, because they are my non-negotiables in the priorities I have determined to follow in my life.

And so years of choosing them, has built a feeling in my children's lives that they always came first, the relationships are essential and so, they have in turn, honored us as adults by making us a priority. We have through these choices, built a long and strong lasting community where all of our children don't want to miss out from our "dinners." Even all of my older children will do anything to be sure to make this monthly time together.

I promise to try to do a more formal teaching next week, but I hope you will be able to enjoy our little "family" video and think about crafting your own group of best friends, who will grow to love your mutual values, if you do life, ministry and ideals together.

Hope you all have a great week!