The Secret of Finding a Mentor! Working diligently at friendship.

Phyllis Stanley, my dear friend and mentor, and me!

(In Italy at Mama Agata's cooking class.)

Yes, these lemons were real and came from the trees around us.

Deep, dark loneliness was a constant companion of my heart for many years. I ached inside for a friend, or someone who cared for me--someone who would even notice me. As a friend-oriented person, I had known deep friendship, but it seemed that once I became a mother, no one was there--and no one reached out to me.

The illusion that if we moved to a new town or joined a new church or group kept us, even as a family. searching for kindred spirits, like-minded friends.

We faithfully attended many groups, meetings, studies, but we were mainly the ones reaching out and often we just didn't seem to fit the mold of other people's expectations.

I remember once when Sarah was washing dishes, again, she said, "Wouldn't it be nice if some time someone would invite our whole family over for dinner and we wouldn't have to be the ones who cooked, cleaned and washed dishes--again!

Even as a then 12 year old, she wondered at the seeming loneliness of our family as a group.

The kids often made friends over the years as we would move from place to place. And we always had people we "did stuff" with, but very few kindred spirits.

God had made our family exceedingly idealistic, artistic, verbal, and a very close knit family. Our family felt close to each other, but it was hard to find a "match" with someone else.

As I would tearfully pray one more time, God began to speak to me very gently.

"Two are better than one. Woe to the one who has no one to lift him up."

That was me--no one to lift me up. And then there was the Titus 2 verse about older women teaching the younger about motherhood, marriage, and all the rest.

But, it seemed I did not know any older women who wanted to spend time with me--and let's be honest--very few women, that when I observed their lives, I wanted to influence me. And there were not many my own age, either, who seemed to draw me to the depth I wanted to live from deep inside of my heart.

But, I knew and felt that I desperately needed a friend--someone to share my burdens, my doubts, my insecurities, my fears, my struggles.

I wrote in my journal what kind of mentor I wanted:

1. Someone who was spiritual, excellent, deep, idealistic. I wanted someone who when I was with them,  made me want to love God more. I wanted someone whose life and the expression of their lives, would inspire me.

2.  Someone who "got" me and my ideals and actually liked them. As a mom with 4 children, homeschooling, discipleship oriented, it was hard to find others who were ahead of me--it seemed I was always the one ahead of others and I didn't always know what I was doing!

3. A real friend, someone with whom I could enjoy life and have fun--a must.

4. I wanted older, younger and same age in my life--someone ahead, someone behind, someone where I was. (A mentor does not have to be older--just kindred and responsive.)

But God put on my heart to seek friends as a hidden treasure--that it was for me to find and cherish and not to sit around and wait.

I have found that the best friends are those who perceive themselves to be "givers"

--people who are seeking in some way to invest their lives in others for the kingdom. Givers and servants are already on the move and so are open to being a friend.

 I joined some Bible studies over the years, and I would keep my eyes out for someone committed and excited about their spiritual life--perhaps a missionary, a mom who loved her home, family and children, a leader. Then I would ask them if I could spend time with them.

This whole concept of "keeping my antennae out" has helped me so much over the years. It meant looking, actively seeking for that person who was giving of her own life,  or who had a heart need that I could meet and also someone engaged in some kind of ministry or leadership, someone who had "life" about them--that now I define the "life" and the "light" of Christ.--or a hunger to have that life.

Where Jesus is, there will be a sparkle, an excitement, a burning to want more out of life.

And so, I would almost always have to be the one who would make it happen--with many women--I would host lunches, have different women over for tea, meet women for coffee, looking searching for "excellent" women who would draw me to the best of spiritual ideals. I have started small groups in my home, over and over and over again.

But often, it was in the reaching out to others and building small groups, that I found my best friends--sowing the threads of our lives together by serving in mutual ministries we loved. And then, our children would also become friends--serving along side us in purposeful ministries in which we were involved. And so began the community--husbands met husbands, traditions started, history has been made.

I realized that if I wanted godly friends in my life, I needed to look for them, cultivate them, love them and encourage them as I would want to be encouraged.

So I would:

1. Initiate with many women, somehow, some way in the midst of a very busy life with 4 children and ministry--I knew I needed it.

2. I made writers my mentors--and would search out books and writers who stimulated my ideals.

3. I would make it a priority to look for other women who seemed hungry for friendship, and because I needed it, I assumed others needed friendship and so I would "do to them what I wanted them to do to me" and

I would call them, send them notes or emails, intentionally tell them the ways I admired them, and I would invest in their lives and in our friendship.

It's how I met Sarah Mae, my co-author of Desperate--I saw her serving and reaching out through her conference, and  as I was in the habit of reaching out, I reached out to her and she responded back.

You see, Jesus is the lover who reached out, initiated, poured out His love for our benefit. And so in friendship, I began to see myself as a giver of love, a builder of friendships and an initiator of life. 

In giving my life, I found that eventually God gave me the friends and board members and ministry partners and girl friends that I needed and wanted.

And now,

I have friends who serve side by side with me in conferences.

Friends who run leadership conferences with me here in Colorado.

Friends who write a blog network with me.

Friends who live all over the United States and the world, who meet with me whenever we are in the same place. Friends I call, email, pray with, play and adventure all over the world together.

We all sort of mentor each other because we are committed to each other's well being.

Friendship--mentor relationships are an investment--and require intentional giving and planning. Even as a house that is built requires a plan and effort, so friendships grow out of intention and giving and cultivating.

But when I follow the pattern of Jesus--calling the disciples, meeting with them, "doing life" with them, teaching them, serving them, then I had His pattern of giving of Himself.

A personal example

 My friend, Phyllis, is my mentor and dear friend. She is 13 years older than me. There was an immediate connection between us because of our mutual commitments and value for ministry and cultivating a life-giving home.

Yet, because she is very busy and has so many friends, (She and her husband have been on staff with the Navigators for many years, in the States and Internationally.), I just made an assumption that she would be too busy for me. Too many people wanted her attention and friendship. How would she find time for me?

Yet, she was the kind of friend I knew would call me to the ideals I wanted to pursue. So when she had a Bible study, I would ask to join.  Cooking classes held in her home, would find me with my two girls participating. I pursued her as often as time allowed. I looked for every opportunity to be with her and responded to every invitation. And I also initiated times together. I honored the value of our friendship with my time.

She always constantly asked  women come over to her house for cup of tea and talking. And so I made it my habit to ask her if I could come to her home and share a cup of tea with her and also if she wanted to come to my home as often as I could work it out.

I tried to insert myself in her life as much as I could and sought to be of encouragement and support to her amidst her busy life. When I was with her, she almost always opened her Bible, she was always reading some new book. Always, there would be a cup of tea, a candle and flowers waiting for me to feel special in her home. She lived a life of integrity that always inspired me to want to be more excellent. I would copy her, a wise woman!

And so a few years ago, I told her that my life required  regular "Phyllis" time, and so we have loosely made a habit that when I am in town and she is in town, we would get together every week or two. And so making each other a regular commitment in the midst of very active lives, developed into a deep, loving friendship that now, after 15 years, has deep roots.

Three international trips, ministry together, her discipling my own girls, reaching out to other moms and friends together, prayer, meals, spiritual accountability, and more have come because we made our friendship something we would both cherish and invest in, amidst the thousands of demands of our own lives, because we knew that we needed each other.

The life of friendship and the influence of a mentor comes from initiating love and cultivating heart commitments.

And so it is true in life,

"Two are better than one, a strand of three chords is not easily broken,"

and so working diligently and pursuing actively a godly friendship is indeed a treasure.

Be sure to read Sarah Mae's article today about mentoring, here.

In Desperate – Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, read letters between Sarah Mae and I and watch videos of the two of us discussing motherhood (every chapter has a QR code and link where you can connect with us!). Consider asking an older woman (or younger) to read the book with you. You can buy the book at Barnes & Noble HERE, or Amazon HERE.

The Inestimable Value of a Wise Mother

Everyone needs a mama's love

"Mothers, you are the divinely-appointed teachers and guides of your children; and any attempt to free yourselves of this duty is in direct opposition to the will of God. If you neglect them, the consequences are swift and sure. … Spend most of your time with your children. Sleep near them, attend and dress and wash them; let them eat with their mother and father; be their companion and friend in all things and at all times.”

From Golden Thoughts on Mother, Home and Heaven

Being with my wildly idealistic children, living through the noise of our exuberant home (drum set in the basement, electric piano and real piano upstairs,  almost always with someone blaring away, singing, listening to music on their new various stations; rousing, lengthy, loud discussions at the dinner table; wrestling with the dog and watching movies and playing games and feasting with our whole family at home) has reminded me again, that all the trouble was well worth the effort. It all mattered. Really.

Even through all the exhaustion, meals, dishes, late nights, attitudes, weariness--it is of utmost importance.

Januarys are always a bit difficult. The time to be tempted to give up--the gray and extreme cold, not as much out of door time, and weariness in the middle of winter blues, all add up to a heavy season for many.

After many Januaries and winter seasons of my heart, I know that the roots are going deep, the gray will eventually be replaced by buds on trees and light and warmth, and that this can become a great season of memories made, if I craft life so.

How I got to this point--this far and still intact--was through years and years of defining and redefining ideals and seeking the Lord and then living through one day at a time, for a million days. Yet, I see life and beauty in the souls of my very individualistic children--the palpable life of the Lord--who is building them and growing them into healthy, vibrant adults.

Now that Christmas is over, I am bubbling over with excitement for the months ahead. I can't wait for our conferences which I love and enjoy so much.  I can't wait to encourage all the precious moms who will attend, because their lives matter--their love, correction, work, is all building a legacy from their lives that will live to glorify God throughout eternity! And that is what the conferences are all about--keeping the ideals alive!

The words above were written over a hundred years ago are still very powerful today.

This, in a culture where the imagination of the importance of mothers to the overall well-being of soul of the next generation has been lost. How affirming it is to see that truth of past generations still applies to us today.

Often, I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction and vision with lots of activities and distractions for their children.

This hyper-activity and rushing around to an endless list of expensive lessons and experiences and toys,  and the buying of the newest expensive curriculum and technological options make moms feel like they are accomplishing something.

However, when the home-life of children is rich with excellent, classic literature and great stories, passionate Biblical devotions, rousing dinner-table discussions around sumptuous, tasty meals, lots of love and affection given and household chores attended to— a child will become committed to all that is good and excellent and develop a moral and compassionate soul for all the divinely important values.

From the beginning of time, God created the home to be a place sufficient to nurture genius, excellence, graciousness and grand civility.

But the key factor is nothing that can be purchased or owned.

The accomplishment of this grand life is found only in the soul of a mother, through the power of the Holy Spirit, personally mentoring her children.

It is a personal relationship with a real person whose soul is alive in which the deepest imprints of life are given.

The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which a the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, home-made food shared in the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice given in the midst of washing dishes together or sharing of a meal; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud and shared together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth, mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch are those heavenly things which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or text book that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

It is indeed the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deep affection, care and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the heart of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable.

A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation.

Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic which go into the process of soul development.

So, though the weariness of the busyness and celebration of Christmas is still upon our hearts and felt in our bodies,

the Spirit and vision of His life in ours will keep us going--

the refocusing on His great call, will fuel our commitments to keep going, to keep loving and to keep believing. Taking time with Him this morning has fueled my own soul with new excitement. May He grace you all with His encouragement--right where you are, in whatever season--to know that it really matters. Grace and peace and rest be yours in the days ahead!

...

Looking for more encouragement in motherhood? Consider Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, written by Sarah Mae (the mom of little ones knee-deep in the little years) and me (the mom who has raised her children and enjoy them). It's a book for those who have ever whispered, "I just can't be a mother today."  Not sure? Read some reviews here.

Winners Announced!

Hurrah, Hurrah! So happy for the winners,

Congratulations and Thanks for all the entries!

The winners of the Desperate Launch week are:

Year of Free House Cleaning: Stephanie Hanes

Year of Free Massages: Lena Malliett Ross

Personal Spiritual Retreat at The Cove: Okaasan (nitpicking101)

Free Coffee for a year from Avodah Coffee: Stephanie (snereb27)

$300 Gift Card & iPad: Amy Davis

Kitchen Aid Mixer, Heartfelt Discipline, and a Mom Heart Ticket: Jessica Newland

And the spa/mentoring weekend with Sarah Mae and myself is…

Karen Geaheart Murphy

Congrats everyone! And thank you for an incredible launch week!

Still don’t have the book? Get it HERE!

Every Beautiful Story Will End Well. And the winners!

Each day of the launch of Desperate was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating, and terrifying. Going into this book project with Sarah Mae was partially a desire to support her and also a desire to write a book together that would elevate the visibility of moms and a need for mentoring, validation and inspiration in their important role. But the friendship between Sarah Mae and me and the daily and nightly moments of conversation stolen amidst the moments of busy lives will be treasured in my heart for many years to come. The emails, comments, notes of support--I do not deserve the joy we felt last week, but it is still there bubbling up in my heart.

I can't thank all of you enough for supporting and helping us. It took a whole community of groups and moms to get the attention of publishers and those in media and you helped us make it happen. So fun to see the ability we have from our homes to make a difference together!

Now it is my prayer, that the Lord will continue to take the message and grow the movement and that many of us in our lifetime will see a movement of the Holy Spirit in the life of families, moms and children.

Grateful, humbled, and honored to be a part of such a beautiful community of women. Thank you all and I thank Jesus who always knew He created women to rock the world! (Pun accidental.)

Meanwhile, in the midst of such days, life goes on. As many of you know from my books and stories, I lived with my friend, Gwen, in Eastern Europe when it was still Communist and we were young single missionaries there. Her precious mama, who adopted my own children as a grandma, has been very ill this week. Each day we have been on the phone, as she was nearing her death. Tonight at 10:00, I got the news that Larla, Gwen's mom, passed away. In her honor, I thought you might be encouraged by her life as I have been.

Congratulations to all of you who won. I hope you feel blessed. Thanks so much for your participation. We appreciate your prayers and support in the days ahead, as well. 

This, a story from a year ago, touched my heart last night, as I was reminiscing on moments of my friendship,  when I got the call, "I think she is gone. I think she breathed her last."

And so I share the end of a good story, a life sweetly and generously lived, that is filling my own heart moments today.

Gwen and Larla, (the name we call her)

"Take my will and make it thine, It shall be no longer mine, Take my heart, it is thine own, it shall be thy royal throne, It shall be thy royal throne."

Exhausted, drained, like the lady who touched Him and He said, "The strength went out of me," defined how I felt as I stumbled in out of the pelting rain, last night.

After 2 hours of driving the Kentucky back highways, after a weekend of speaking 10 hours to a sweet group of moms in a Tennessee lake house, I was spent. It wasn't just the weekend, or meeting with more surgeons, or finding an oral surgeon for Joy or working on Dolphin Tale with Nathan, or finding Sarah with a 103 temp and needing advice about a ruptured ear drum or hearing that a sweet friend had borrowed her car and had an accident and totaled the car and trying to figure out how to proceed, it was the cumulative weariness that just comes with some seasons of life.

I think there are parts of me that are bone tired and soul weary from many years of being in the battle, but all of us are in the battle and share our soul-weariness as a badge of living purposefully in this world.

My heart, though, was swimming in hope and excitement and child-like anticipation,  because my borrowed car was headed to the small, hidden in a tiny town of Western Kentucky, home of my forever sister, friend, Gwen, where I knew that God lived.

Sleeping for 9 hours, (unheard of for me), I crept through the rooms and found her, candle lit, Bible in hand, cup of coffee steaming, with Gwen in her quiet time chair. "Curl up in my bed and I will pour you a cup of tea and we will be friends," she whispered, as she gently wrapped her blankets around my shoulders and puffed up the pillows where I had just laid my head.

And so, two friends, a beautiful little candlelit tray came to rest in my room, and life and beauty took place.

I have many friends and thousands of sweet women in my life, but few who, when I am with them, I know I will find the palpable life of Him, glowing, living, stirring in our midst. But I always know I will find it here in Earlington, Kentucky, an old mining town, with sweet Gwennie.

After, journeying over bits of life, events, people, illnesses, deaths and heart sharing, we came to the most important subject.

"Why are we so blessed?

What shaped our lives so that we have been able to live purposeful lives, we have seen dramatic answers to prayer, we have watched the life of God's spirit swirling amongst the events of our lives our whole lives. Why, in spite of the battles, do we see God's favor?"

And she showed me a poem she had written in her Bible many years ago,

"I heard Him call, "Come follow."

That was all.

My gold grew dim, my soul went after Him.

Who would not follow IF they heard Him call."

That was it. The secret.

At an early age, we were both challenged to follow Him, to listen for His voice, to be His bondservant, to let Him show us the path, to live by faith, to believe in the power of prayer, to invest in His kingdom, to put aside the voices, the peer pressure of the world to conform, simply to follow Him.

Both of us have had to reject the voices of "Job's friends" in our lives, and the world's voices, and all of those voices who seemed to have "God's will in mind for us," and we could see, looking back, that holding fast to His voice, His way, His direction, as our pearl of great price, was the secret. Always, He is at the center.

Always, His paths are the right paths.

And so, both of us, bow our hearts before Him, together, thanking Him for the miracle of the lives He has allowed us to live.

Gwen has seen the death of all of her siblings, grandparents, many cousins, support systems dwindling, with her precious mama still loving and smiling.

Now her sweet, always faithful and gentle mama is with Jesus and I know, still with a smile on her face.

As Gwen and I talked, we spoke of His leading in our simple lives. Just people walking with Him, straining to hear His voice.

As Clay and I followed His voice, over the years, He led us to leave overseas missions, to move back to America,  to raise 4 whole hearted children and to write about  parenting, mothering, discipling the next generation, to make radical decisions that most of our Christian friends and family did not understand.

 

Gwen with my girls and me

For Gwen to follow God's voice, after 25 years of serving the Lord in Austria and Eastern Europe, He directed her to live a quiet life in a tiny town,  to move home to care for her elderly mom, day after day, for 10 years as her mother is now in her 97th year. But for both of us, to live in the comfort of knowing He has guided, He has been faithful, in the end, His ways have indeed been the pathway of blessing. And in reviewing His history of faithfulness, our hearts are refreshed in the company of each other.

And so we ponder, I wonder how God might direct us to serve Him, to follow Him, to hear His voice in the next 30 years? May we both be attentive, may we both hear, and expect His presence,

and may we both obey and simply follow Him.

"Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise, Thou my inheritance, now and always; Thou and thou only first in my heart, High king of heaven, my treasure thou art."

Who would not follow if they heard Him call?

*************************************************************************************************

Winners will be announced at 6pm EST today!

May your life be filled with peace and rest!

On an evening walk at home, facing the mountains, as the sun sets.

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life." I Thess. 4:11

This has not been a quiet week.

Launch week with lots of giveaways, articles, facebook notifications, and adrenalin being spilled out, has left me longing for the quiet of sabbath rest and restoring.

You have all been such very good sports and we feel so supported in our desire to launch this book as a part of a movement of bringing hope to the mamas who craft the home fires and love that lives there.

How very grateful we are for all that you, our precious friends, have done to make us feel supported in this, our effort of worship.

But now, we wish you beauty, rest, fun and the celebration of life with your sweet ones today.

Today, my heart will be turned to home.

Savory soups bubbling on the stove and warm bread with butter and strong cures of cheese, accompanied  by homemade applesauce.

Long walks in the woods and mountains, taking in the art of leaves, chill wind, snow blowing across the covered white grass, dark colors of navy in the sky and reminder that life is always changing, and always to be cherished-- with my most precious ones.

Fireplaces blazing with tea or coffee or cider and stories being read.

Real conversations that take lots of time, face to face without my eyes on a machine or phone--but real listening, touching, sharing hearts, giving words of encouragement and life--which require time and focus.

Long quiet times, seeking Him and His values and His ways for myself and my family.

Filling my mind with story, encouragement, inspiration, rest, so that I actually have something left in my soul to offer to those who would draw from there.

Rest and Sabbath times--quiet, away, undistracted, peaceful.

This is my hope and prayer for you today.

May the Peace of the Lord be with you today.

Happy Sabbath.

Learn the Dance and Sing the Song of Motherhood (Plus One Last Big Giveaway!)

Mom Heart Ministries, Whole Heart Ministries--building a generation of godly children by providing books, resources, blogs and conferences to inspire moms in their strategic role as moms. That is what has been on our hearts and in our dreams for this work of God for many years.

Motherhood is a calling. God created mothers to be a part of His hand,  bringing righteousness to every generation through their life-giving relationship with their children.

Yet, today's culture lives with no imagination for what a mother was created to do. With little support, no one to help teach moms how to manage their wee ones, and isolation, it is so easy to become discouraged and feel depressed, then guilty for not being the mom most women planned to be.

That is why each of us needs a friend, someone who loves us and believes in us;

someone who is all grace, who helps us to learn the dance, to sing the song of the life of motherhood.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up ... though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.," we read in Ecclesiastes.

For almost 20 years, my husband, Clay, and I have been seeking to be a part of building a movement of moms all over the world who understand their Biblical role as mothers who will shape the soul and heart of the next generation through the lives of their own children.

And now, Sarah Mae and I, and all of our friends and ministry partners, have been seeking to create small groups, community, encouragement and validation for motherhood through precious mamas like you.

Won't you join us? Won't you pray with us, start a group, and gather with like-minded women, to build strong bonds of support with other moms all over the world?

Desperate is more than just a book-- it is a call to be a part of what we think the Holy Spirit is doing among moms. It is the pinnacle of our many years of ministry in seeking to build a movement giving life to communities of moms all over the world, to that they could find inspiration, encouragement and support in this great role.

In light of so many of you supporting us in this amazing venture of our launch week, we have a couple more gifts to send your way!

First, don't forget about the gifts you receive if you purchase 5 or more copies; this is the last day you can get the gifts.

Today is the last day you can get the FREE gifts for purchasing multiple copies of Desperate. If you were thinking about facilitating a small group, today would be a good day to get the books for it! Last day gifts:

• One free custom print from Red Letter Words (400 available)
• One free “Mother’s Love” art print (unlimited)
• Convergence DVD: Parenting: Helping Your Kids to Become Adults - Conversations with Donald Miller and Dr. John Townsend
• What’s in the Bible DVD – Volume 1
• Desperate, a DVD Companion study (available in March)

To receive these gifts, please see the note at the end of this post.

You can still enter $300 Target GC and an iPad Mini Giveaway, and the Spa/Mentoring weekend with Sarah Mae and me!

Today's Giveaway - KitchenAid Mixer, Mom Heart Conference Ticket, and a Copy of the Newly Revised Heartfelt Discipline!

Clay's book, Heartfelt Discipline, has been a foundational book for helping parents understand how to discipline and train their children; to reach their hearts with the love, truth and wisdom of God. It has been out of print for a couple of years. However, we now have the first run which will be coming out in a couple of weeks! I would love to give away a copy of his book today, the last day of our launch.

Also, I would love to give away one ticket for a mom to be able to attend a Mom Heart conference of her choice, where we will have a wonderful gathering of moms and talk about moving from Desperate to Destiny--hope for the moms in the trenches.

Our Mom Heart conferences are all about community and friendship. We hope to see many of you there with us this year to hear from Sarah Mae and me and so many others who are excited about what God is doing in our midst.

Go here for more information!

And now for one last gift...

The Kitchen Aid Artisan Series Mixer!

So altogether today, we have ...

• A KitchenAid Artisan Series Tilt-Head Stand Mixer, 9-Cup
• A ticket to a Mom Heart conference of your choice
• A copy of the revised version of Clay Clarkson's book, Heartfelt Discipline (available in February!)

Enter by using the form below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

To Receive Your Free Gifts For Purchasing Multiple Books

In order to receive these free gifts, please email a copy of your receipt and your mailing address to desperatebook@thomasnelson.com. This “Launch Week Giveaway” is running from 12:00am EST on 1/7/2013 to 11:59EST on 1/12/2013. Your receipt must show the purchase of 5 or more copies of the book during this time period to receive your free gift. Once your receipt has been reviewed, you will be sent an email confirmation and further details on the delivery of your gift.

Open to U.S. only.

Won't You Come Home with me? Plus a $300 Target Gift Card and an iPad Mini Giveaway!

My living room, waiting for friends to join me--maybe it will be you?

Having a cup of hot tea, sipping soup with a crust of homemade bread, sharing lunch with my precious family and friends is one of my favorite celebrations in the world.

Where there is feast of friendship and celebration of conversation and sharing of ideas and dreams and hearts, the Lord is there and His life transforms.

Our homes are the arena in which we can build the life of Christ, and in which the life of our home becomes a sanctuary for those who need to feel His life by being welcomed, to receive a "cup" of cold water-- a home cooked meal, a focussed conversation, a healing touch. We celebrate the traditions of home, not because we want to be busier--no one needs that, but to make the life of Christ come alive, to show the beauty of God, to give our children an live picture of His beauty, His reality, His truth, His words and His outreaching love.

When I dreamed of how to influence and help young moms, I began to invite women from all over the world to come to my home for a weekend and to learn about how to walk with God as a mom, how to create a vibrant spiritual life, how to pass on a legacy of love.

And so, when we decided to launch Desperate, we thought, "Wouldn't it be great to share such a weekend with one of our readers?"

And so, I am so very excited to share my home, my heart, my encouragement and the truth of what God has taught me with two of you, friends who will spend a great weekend with Sarah Mae and me.

Read another story of a friend who came to my home, here at thebettermom.com. Ruth will host a book club for me at Itakejoy.com.

I can't wait to have you here. Won't you spread the word to your friends?

Read about it here!

So thankful for all of you who are helping us spread the news to the media and world that moms are passionate about their children by supporting our launch of Desperate and getting the word out! We appreciate you so very much. We are seeing a movement amongst moms that we hope will build the next generation into lovers of God.

Today's Giveaway - $300 Target Gift Card and an iPad Mini!

Oh, isn't this fun?! Today we have a $300 GC to Target and an iPad mini up for grabs! I'm sure you know the drill by now, enter using the form below! Good "luck"!

Enter Below (click through to the blog if you're reading this in an email and want to enter):

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Tomorrow will be the last day of giveaways, so please make sure you stop by so you don't miss a thing!

Go HERE to enter The Cove personal spiritual retreat giveaway.

Go HERE to enter the all-expense paid spa/mentoring weekend with SarahMae and me.

And don't forget, if you purchase 5 or more books you get some incredible FREE gifts! Go HERE to check them out!

How Not To Explode! Moving from Desperate to calm. More Giveaways!

Want to win a spa/mentoring weekend with me and Sarah Mae?

Click here!

WE ARE SO GRATEFUL TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE HELPED US PROMOTE THE BOOK!

Without your generous help and encouragement, we would never have made it to the top 100 list on Amazon and Barnes and Noble--and now already into the second printing. We are so excited to be a part of a movement of wonderful moms all over the world who are building community and support in gaining strength and hope as moms. So exciting and you are such a wonderful part of this. Thanks a gazillion!

If you haven't purchased a copy yet, you can get it wherever books are sold (make sure to peek here because there are gifts if you buy multiple copies!)

HOW NOT TO EXPLODE: MOVING FROM DESPERATE TO CALM--REGULARLY!

I get a giggle out of this little saying, because it is so true ... "Mothers of little boys work from son up to son down."

It certainly works that way for mothers of little girls, too--and the sun being down doesn't seem to have much effect sometimes, as breaks in my sleep from asthma, ear infections, bad dreams, etc. can disturb even that!

The pressures of being a mom aren't small, and they don't only come when you are ready for them. Since we know they're coming, the trick is getting ready for them in advance! Today, I wanted to share a few things that have helped me over the years to not explode under the pressures of being a mom!

1. A bit of variety. Though it seems there's little chance of it happening now, when my children were young I found that if life got too stale, I would go under. So I made it a priority to create adventure for me and for my children! We would take a trip to the park or the zoo, meet with friends for a picnic, or get in the car and drive just to shake things up a bit.
2. A bit of quiet for me. If I am around people all the time for days and months at a time, I will indeed explode! Clay and I figured out that I could go to a coffee shop early a couple of days a week at 6 a.m. and have coffee and a quiet time and write in my journal and then come home by 7:45 a.m.--before he left for work--and I felt like a different person. I can't live without my quiet time, to think and plan and get perspective. (or my quiche and coffee!)
3. A bit of quiet for them ... okay, all of us. Each season was different. I had each child have a quiet hour every afternoon in the early years--I would put books and fun magazines in a basket for them and let them have a cup of something to drink--like hot cocoa, white grape juice, tea,--and then they would all have to stay in their own areas for an hour. It helped my kids to become readers and to learn to enjoy time alone, un-entertained. But it also gave me time to look forward to every day, where I could have my own cup of tea that no one else could drink and a little time to regroup or rest or make a phone call. I trained them early and gave great rewards for being able to stay in their rooms--it happened little by little but oh the rewards!

Of course, these ideas are not meant to become standards for you--you might want something different or have a whole different set of preferences to work with!

Have you picked up your copy of Desperate yet? SarahMae and I wrote this book to encourage moms to find their strength in God, to listen to their soul's cry, to understand the wonderful importance of their calling as moms and to rest in God's grace with their children each day. We're so excited about the wonderful feedback we're getting on the book and pray it will be an encouragement to thousands of moms.

Consider gathering a small group and reading it together! There are wonderful giveaways happening each day at Desperatemom.com; don't miss them!

The New Gifts for Those Who Purchase 8 or More Copies of Desperate!

Convergence - Parenting: Helping Your Kids to Become Adults Conversations with Donald Miller and Dr. John Townsend

Enter into a conversation with Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) and Dr. John Townsend (Boundaries) about parenting and what the Bible has to say about raising kids. This DVD explores how God designed parenting, why it is so challenging, and ultimately the rewards that come from the process of helping kids grow up.

Buck Denver Asks...What's in the Bible? - Volume 1 (Genesis)

The Bible Made Easy! Buck Denver and his friends take your children through the WHOLE Bible. Perfect viewing for the entire family - laugh and learn together. In his first new project since VeggieTales, Phil Vischer has set out to teach kids (and parents!) the story of the Bible – God’s great rescue plan! We know the stories of Moses, Noah, David, and Jesus, but in this groundbreaking new series, we learn how they all fit together to tell one big, redemptive story. Vischer’s signature wit shines through with his all-new cast of characters, fast-paced flash animation, and catchy tunes. This is one journey through the Bible you won't want to miss!

All-Together if you purchase 8 copies of Desperate this week:

• One free custom print from Red Letter Words (400 available)
• One free “Mother’s Love” art print (unlimited)

• *New! Convergence DVD: Parenting: Helping Your Kids to Become Adults - Conversations with Donald Miller and Dr. John Townsend

• *New! What’s in the Bible DVD – Volume 1

• Desperate, a DVD Companion study (available in March)

Very Important if You Want to Receive Your Gifts!

In order to receive these free gifts, please email a copy of your receipt and your mailing address to desperatebook@thomasnelson.com.  This “Launch Week Giveaway” is running from 12:00am EST on 1/7/2013 to 11:59EST on 1/12/2013.  Your receipt must show the purchase of 5 or more copies of the book during this time period to receive your free gift.  Once your receipt has been reviewed, you will be sent an email confirmation and further details on the delivery of your gift.

Open to U.S. only.

(It's less than $10 at Amazon!)

Today's Giveaway - FREE Coffee for a YEAR from Avodah Coffee!

Today my friends, you have a chance to win a years worth of coffee! Just think, freshly roasted coffee delivered to your door each month for a year. You can just smell it now, can't you? Up for grabs:

• Two bags of Avodah coffee a month, for a year!

All you have to do is fill out the form below!

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Rest, Peace and Refresh! Everyone Needs a Retreat! Great Giveaway!

Want to win a spa/mentoring weekend with me and Sarah Mae?

Click here!

Gifts to Give Away to you!

Henry Maynell Rheam

Everyone needs a retreat!

Enter our Giveaway for a weekend at the Cove in the beautiful North Carolina mountains.

Rest and Peace, Just what mama needs!

Sometimes, when we have piles of responsibility on our plate, we start to place a lot of energy, worry and fear into the issues of our lives and fret. The last thing that seems productive when life is busy is to rest. Yet, rest may very well be the most strategic thing to do if we have a busy, full and demanding life.

If we do not practice a habit of a restful life, we will end up with serious illness, exhaustion, bad attitudes and fist shaking faith aimed heavenly.

As I have said before, "Fretting leads only to evil doing."

God put Sabbath Rest into the weeks of our lives with a purpose. I have found that when I believe and engage my heart in the goodness of God's character, and put out of my mind, after praying, all that I am carrying and just seek to be still and find joy, I see the miracles bubbling up slowly, surely, as He, my Father, delights to provide.

However, a Martha heart won't see the miracles, as she is so busy living in the whirlwind of her own meek provisions, she loses all hope and becomes a wretched nag.

The more exhausted I am with life, the more tense, grumpy and tight I become and it spills all over everyone else.

Finding myself at a juncture of exhaustion from my children, out of town guests, lots and lots of adrenalin,  I find that somehow when I try to figure out all of the responsibilities of the next few months, which are plenty, I know the expenditure of adrenalin will be high.

Yet, from so many times like this in the past, I have learned a secret. My Prince Jesus comes to me at just the right time, but like the story of Sleeping Beauty, the prince comes, not when she is searching the horizon, pounding her fists, running the floor, but when she is doing nothing but resting.

Resting in Him, choosing peace and putting off responsibilities and recreating is sometimes such grand medicine for my soul, that after choosing to rest and to invest in fun and love and ease of life, my strength is renewed and all issues are able to be faced with grace. I know even busier weeks are coming, but I will face them with courage if I rest today.

And so today, my plan is to go back to bed, to pace leisurely through the pathway of the next couple of days (as much as possible, of course!), to sip and really taste my coffee, to just sit and listen to my sweet family, and focus on the beauty of their light-filled eyes, to stay in comfy clothes all day, to read and pray, and then maybe to rest again, because I know that while I am resting, my Prince is already coming to my rescue.

Peace, be still, the Lord is near.

Retreat at the Cove!

Sweet Mamas--Desperate No More--Find just the encouragement you need in our new book!

And don't miss the free Bible Study we've created for small group leaders--free right here!

Linking arms with other mamas, seeking ways to support one another, sharing secrets you've learned with your own children that she might try with her own, walking together on this very long journey ... this is a key to longevity with grace! And by the way, you are not invisible, but you are very precious to God!

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Someone Needs to Remind Moms of Their Freedom. Giveaways, too!

Want to win a spa/mentoring weekend with me and Sarah Mae?

Click here!

Sometimes, we all need to monkey around a little bit. So doesn't a spa weekend sound dreamy? Just a cup of tea in a lovely hotel lobby can help restore my soul and strengthen my heart to return to my children with more grace.

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free. Therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

In other words, stand firm in your ideals before God without letting someone else's yoke slip around your neck unnecessarily.

"And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32: 17

 I once read an article that suggested something to this effect: Moms don't really need a break from their children. If you don't spend every moment with your children--if you have any desire to go away and be by yourself, even just occasionally--you are selfish.

These are the kinds of statements that create voices in our heads. "Oh no, I must not love my children because I am not doing life like the others who have written these articles."

I am practically connected to the hip with my children. We are very close. Yet, I am also an introvert, and if I didn' have some time to plan, think, read, and just be away to breathe, I would become more tense. So I had to figure out how to build "me" time into my schedule so that I could fill my own heart before my children drew from it once again. I even get up early to have my own cup of tea in silence and just to sit and "be" before life starts. Others stay up late.

Now, I love my children and I am very committed to family, and I have no wish to step on anyone's toes, but it is statements like this that put lots of burden and law on women, making them feel guilty unnecessarily. Each woman has a different personality and different needs.

A wise woman manages her life so that she can live her ideals longer.

Motherhood is a very long term calling and I think all women need the encouragement of other women that they should not feel guilty for taking a break once in awhile when they are in need of some breathing room! Sometimes Clay would plan leaving me alone in my home a couple of  Saturdays a month so I could stay at home alone and just "be". I found that the kids loved being just with him, his spoiling of them, his input, a break from "just" mama.

We all want to be wonderful mothers and so statements like the one above come across as universal and sound wise-- but in the end, I have to say, "Is this law? Is it an unshakeable truth that applies to all moms at all times? Or is something else possible?"

Here's the truth I have lived and believe:

There is grace for each mom to conduct her own symphony, so to speak, with her family, circumstances and children in mind.

It says so right there in Galatians 5:1 ...

"It is for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore, keep standing firm that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery."

Purposeful mothering is a beautiful thing. Moms are called to pour themselves out in servanthood and love in the context of their homes, as I shared in this video ...

He loves our intentional mothering and there is a great reward in it. Yet when it comes to the details, God purposely left many areas in scripture very vague. We find ...

• No lists about exactly how to discipline a child, what sin or behavior requires discipline and which one is age related immaturity, how long to discipline, a list of misbehaviors with corresponding consequences, what to expect of boys, for instance.
• There is no rule book about what a mom should cook if she is really bringing health to her family.
• No chapter and verse to be quoted telling us exactly what music is acceptable and what music would lead a child astray.
• No single passage that describes what it really looks like to submit to every husband--since they are all different and have different preferences!
• No verse that says, "There is only one time a day to have a quiet time as God is more awake in the morning."
• Or, or, or ...

This is part of the reason SarahMae and I teamed up to write our new book, Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. There is so much in scripture about living by faith and trusting God for His direction. However, Paul and Jesus were both so very clear about not having the heart of a Pharisee; not putting heavy loads on people. We know that we are to use wisdom principles and have quiet times and grow in maturity. Through much study and prayer I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to pass on my life and beliefs and vision to my children, I needed to be the one who invested time in them and won their hearts, out of the integrity of my own heart. But there are many stories and a wide path of creativity that God blesses as we live by faith.

But, seeing my children do well in life and love the Lord and us and continue growing has proven to me that it is not as a result of a list of rules that I followed, because there was no such list! Rather it was a result of following the Lord, praying, obeying Him and seeking His wisdom, seeking to reach their hearts and then living by faith and watching His grace unfold to each of us. Mostly it was about loving them and holding God's hand.  God is in charge and will work in and through the personality and circumstances of my life uniquely, if I will walk with Him.

There is great freedom to live your family story within your own personality, history, and imprint, as long as we are holding His hand, reading His word and living by faith!

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$25 of Coffee or Target Yumminess!

Go to your local bookstore and take a picture of you with Desperate (you should buy it while you're there ;). Post that picture to your FB page/profile and then leave a comment on Sarah Mae's post today with the link to your FB page/profile. Everyone who does this will be entered to win a $25 Gift Certificate to either Starbucks or Target (winner's choice). There will be THREE winners!

Today's Giveaway! A Year of FREE Massages!

I am a new comer to massages and oh how they have changed my life.

Ahhhh! Wish I could enter!

The details...

• One year of free massages, once/month
• Once a winner is randomly chosen, a gift certificate will be given to you from Massage Envy or a local spa if you don't have a Massage Envy near you.
• This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.

Enter the massage giveaway using the form below:

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