Calling a Prodigal Home and Desperate Book Study!

 

Since my son Nathan was a small boy, he has always had a heart for people--to play with them when little, to talk to them, to reach out to them and to love them.

As a high schooler, he had so many friends and was awash in those who needed to be rescued or loved. The Prodigal Story is one that captivates his heart and mine. Hope you will enjoy his article today!

The Prodigal Son: A story that undoubtedly strikes fear into the hearts of parents everywhere.

The Prodigal Son is the story of a wayward son who demands his inheritance early, and ends up leaving his home and squandering his money on everything from sex to gambling. The prodigal eventually finds himself broke and in the dirt, with memories of home running through his mind. It is then he decides to return home, to beg for forgiveness and maybe find a job as simply a servant in his father's household. But, upon his arrival home, instead of finding bowed heads of disappointment, he finds a feast and celebration in his honor and the loving embrace of his forgiving parent.

I think this story is one we can all relate to, whether you are the prodigal, OR the mother (or father) of a one. The Prodigal Son is a story that will speak to almost anyone living in this fallen world.

That being the case, over the years I have heard countless people dissect, teach and react differently to this story . Naturally different people focus on different aspects of the story as it pertains to them:

- As parents, I’m sure the immediate inclination is to ensure that it never becomes a reality for their children.

- As pastors and teachers, I’m sure there is a need to teach and show the detriment of selfish desires and sinful living.

- But as a son, who has been a prodigal once or twice in his life, my interest lies in something different.

What pulls the Prodigal home...

I want to see the voice that spoke inside of the prodigal-the voice, when the wayward son felt the most down and out, that called him home. I want to know why he listened to it. Why is the wayward son was suddenly willing to humble himself to the lowest position just for a chance to be back in his parent's care?

I think back and remember the times in my life when I found myself surrounded by the consequences of some poor choices and willful rebellion, trying to recall what it was that called me home.

As I ponder, I remember the sound of the song that guided my steps  back home, into redemption and the grace--it all  comes back to me. I start to remember, the thing that ended up pulling me home, the driving force to my return to the straight and narrow, wasn’t the instruction or admonishment about  rebellious living I had heard a thousand times in church. It wasn’t the countless warnings of sin (then too late to be applied, anyway).

Instead, it was something so much more personal, real and tangible.

It was the song of my home that would play in my ears, as I would sit with my head in my hands, trying to find the light in a dark situation. It was remembering the warm embrace of a loving family and an inviting home. It was the grace with which my mistakes would always be met. It was the warm meals, good conversation and the personal connection I missed with the ones I loved. A place to belong, It was the beauty of what home was truly meant to be.

Essentially, my reason for choosing to leave my prodigal tendencies in the past, to return home to my loved ones... Was having loved ones and a home worth returning to.

 There is a Biblical picture for this that God paints masterfully throughout the bible.

All of us, (you and me), in our sin, go our own way; and we are the prodigals in our heart every time we make our own selfish choices. We rebel against the way life was meant to be lived, and choose our own ways instead of God's. Yet, as Jesus told the story and shows God's heart, He decides that instead of just getting rid of us, He wants us to have a chance at redemption by forgiving us, taking us back as though we had never sinned. He eyes see us when we are lost, but looks for us until we are found.

Pretty amazing!

But He doesn’t stop there. The way God redeems us and shows us forgiveness... Is giving us a chance to have a personal relationship with Him!

And finally, He writes His story more lovingly  and creates place for us to come home to, a beautiful perfect place where there will be “No more tears”.

God looks down on you and me, after our display of rebellious independence, and calls us home to a loving embrace of a parent and a perfect vision of home...Heaven.

So as parents of us prodigals, the question I have for you, is NOT,

What are you doing to insure that your sons don't become prodigals...

BUT instead,

What are you doing to create a home in which a prodigal would feel the need and freedom to return home?

Just as a heads up, all of us sons will fall short, we will rebel and we will, in at least some sense of the word, make our selves prodigals.

BUT  if you are diligent in making a beautiful home, and a place that will call us back to who we are meant to be, the same song God sings to all of us. We will return to your loving arms of redemption, without fail.

Nathan, my actor, singer, songwriter, sparkling son!

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Join Sarah Mae and me today as we start our online group study for our new book,  Desperate!

Today we will start with the Introduction!

Mentoring Monday! Training: The Foundation of Soul Strength

Training: The Foundation of Soul Strength {Sally Clarkson}

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence. But we rather have those because we have acted rightly.We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Aristotle

Merely having a piano in a home and having a child bang on the instrument will not nurture a child into becoming a classical pianist. To become excellent in playing, the child must be instructed over a period of many years, hours must be given to practice and learning music.  Playing and playing and playing again is the course of action that produces skill and excellence.

Proverbs tells us that "a skillful man will go before kings." Regarding character, wisdom and soul strength, a child must also be instructed, have many years to practice and apply the teaching before an excellent character and life skills are developed.

Contemporary Culture Mitigates Against Excellent Character

Because our culture is so given to crudity and a devaluation of human beings, with secular media determining the values of children, many adults and children reflect shallow character and lack of wisdom and discretion.  Couple this with  a lack of intentional training on the part of adults, with moral compromise at every turn, and many children are at a disadvantage in their lives because they have never developed a strong moral character, or seen a strong moral character in the life of the adults around them.

A child who is not trained and taught to exercise strength in righteousness, truth, work ethic, relationships and integrity, will often be at a disadvantage his whole life, because instead of his character serving him, his lack of training and ignorance will detract from his ability to live an excellent life.

I believe that many moms struggle with motherhood and the burden of raising children because they have never been stretched or trained in character and are morally weak, complaining and undisciplined. An undisciplined soul reacts to pressure with complaining, anger and frustration. Often, a lack of strong character and a developed work ethic is at the bottom of depression in young women. I know that I was never trained for such hard work, and so struggled to meet the ideals I held in my heart because I had never been trained to be strong in character--I was spoiled in many ways and so had to learn character along with my children--and it was more difficult as an adult who had become lazy and self-centered--and I didn't even know it! I had been quite indulged and was unaware of my own lack of character--I wanted to blame my struggles on everything else except myself!

We are living in a culture where compromise is an accepted norm in marriage, in movies and television, in work, manners, leadership, responsibility. Also, addictions and lack of discipline of every sort are the norm and acceptable, so that lack of character is not even affirmed or valued. Addiction to food, substances, social media, pornography, television, gaming, gambling, and every sort of pleasure that eats up the beauty and possibility of life is tolerated. In surveys, it is often found that believers are just as apt to divorce, become addicted to pornography, and to live an immoral lifestyle.

I find that so many parents are mostly anxious that their children cease to have "bad" behavior. They just want a formula for disciplining their children that will make them easier to deal with on a daily basis, so that they as parents can have an easier life. Yet, as I observe many families, children, and moms in all of our travels and teaching, I find that there are fewer and fewer children who have an internal sense of composure, self-control, wisdom, and manners, because they are not receiving this kind of instruction at home. Their moms, even the stay at home ones, are busy with their own agenda and pastimes.

Yet, if we are created in God's image, shouldn't we, as believers, be the most excellent in our behavior, character and influence? Doesn't scripture teach us to lay down our lives for the sake of others--in this case, our children? Doesn't anything worthy always require great sacrifice, vision and hard work?

The next few weeks, I will be addressing the importance of training in character qualities and how this training develops a foundation of strength for the life and soul of a child.

Video Removed! Sorry. it just isn't working today!

I am excited about this series! It has been bubbling up as I have talked to many moms over the past weeks, been at our first conference, observed behavior of adults in several situations, and discussed many of these issues with my own children.

Character matters! Training excellent character into the very fiber of children takes intention, perseverance, commitment, wisdom--and honestly, it requires character from our own lives.

I hope/pray this series will be of great encouragement to you, as this character training gives children and adults discretion, confidence and integrity in living life for the glory of Christ.

I will be using The 24 Family Ways in this series, as it is what Clay and I wrote for our own children's training.

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Dreaming of Spring, looking forward to......

Longing for spring and flowers and sunshine and the ability to take long walks outside again.

Deep inside, I am irresponsible at heart and just love to enjoy the pleasures of life, without consequences, at least once in a while.

Sometimes, my vision and ideals carry me through life in such a way that I appear responsible, and quite serious, but,......,

But at heart, I was made to be princess.

When I watch Downton,   I just know I was made to be Lady Grantham--

and to have servants making all the meals and cleaning the mansion.

I am sure that sometime soon I am supposed to retire from working so hard at life; :)

I am looking forward to California in 4 days--

to walking on Laguna Beach where it will be warm and swishing my feet in the sand and watching the sunset in quiet on the beach;

Having a breakfast at Crystal Cove--with hot beignets and sharing omelettes with avocado, swiss cheese and bacon with my kids;

Having big cappuccino's at a local cafe where I always meet my California friends; and sipping slowly and sharing hearts and being honest and catching up in total acceptance and comfort;

Leaving cooking and dishes and phones behind for several days;

celebrating the excitement of the Mom's conference and working together with old friends and family;

visiting Joy at school--she has been away far too long! (2 whole days)

staying up late and laughing with Nate and Rachael and hearing all about life;

Have all of us Clarksons together again, shoulder to shoulder, working, being and jollying together,

I do so love the Clarkson gang being together and not apart;

Being with my friends from Colorado and North Carolina, Texas and California who fly to Cali just like the last 8 years and sharing this ministry and friend-life together and sitting in the living rooms upstairs on the 15th floor again, working and praying and sharing and munching one more time;

Do I have to be responsible for a couple of more days,  or can I just leave right now?

Hope I make it till then.

Walking with God (For Normal, Everyday Mamas)

I think it's the desire of every Christian's heart to walk with God.

How many times have you heard the injunction, "Everyone needs to have a quiet time!"

And had no idea exactly how, as a busy mom, you were supposed to pull that off?

I am often asked about how I conduct my own times of quiet, and thought I'd share a little about them today. If we intend to persevere and end our lives with endurance and at least a bit of a smile left on our face, taking time out to be with Jesus is more than a "good idea"--it's a necessity! Building our lives on God's word is the only way to have the foundation necessary to weather the storms of life and leave a legacy that will affect not only our own children but our neighbors, churches, and future generations.

But how?

 Let me start off by saying that I do not always manage to have my quiet time at the beginning of the day. Sometimes I'm too tired to get up! Sometimes I've been up nursing a sick child, or perhaps a friend needed a listening ear over the phone at an inopportune hour. Yet I know the Lord is not waiting for me with a checklist, waiting to see if I'm up before dawn! He understands my days, since ...

" ... in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." ~ Psalm 139:16

Generally, though, my mornings follow a rhythm that's been built over the habits of many, many years. Here are some things that make up the pattern of my own quiet times.

One of my first joys whenever we've moved to a new place is designating a special spot for my quiet times. I purchased a small Queen Anne recliner early in my marriage and we dubbed it, "Mom's Own Chair." I have moved that chair sixteen times now, always placing it near a window where I could look out at a beautiful scene. Lighting vanilla candles and starting a pot of water for tea clue my sleepy brain in that it's time to wake up and engage. I keep a basket full of journals, my very worn Bible, and devotional books from writers spanning many centuries. After I settle in with my cup of tea and my mind is done wandering over whatever's left over from the day before or been awakened in my dreams, I reach for my Bible and a pen. Often, I'll read a little, then write a little about what stands out to me in God's word.

Of course on the crazy mornings I might not find my way to my chair until afternoon (nap time, in the early years with my children!) or sometimes even just before bed--or sometimes not at all.

There is something special about purposing each day to meet with the Lord; to offer Him the upcoming hours, to let Him pour His strength into me, to listen to what He might have to say about the concerns of my heart. This anchor of my day has become the anchor of my life, and rather than a duty it is a delight as I meet with my Best Friend.

A woman who has been in the presence of her God over and over again, will eventually begin to reflect his light and know His ways and hear His voice.

We tend to become like those we hang around with.

After all, "A companion of fools suffers harm,

but He who walks with the wise--

(lives with him, does life with Him,

listens to His advice, admires Him)

becomes wise.

Who have you been hanging around with lately?

...

For more encouragement, please check out my newest book, Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (on sale everywhere and currently 50% off at Mardel!)

Perfection is not the standard, Heartfelt commitment is just right!

Joy with two of her sweet girlfriends--none perfect but all precious.

Sometimes, because my life feels so public, the perception of our family in the eyes of other people is either that we are perfect and have not had many struggles or that somehow my children (or Clay and I) were just naturally mature.

Nothing could be further from the truth. My children love just being home without anyone watching or expecting them to be "Clarksons," because even being a "Clarkson" is a false expectation in most people's mind. We are a  normal family. I am a flawed person who plods along,

but my heart is for Jesus and He is all the good I have. And He renews my love and excitement for living life His way so often that I keep going... one day, one more quiet time at a time.

When I was speaking recently, I had several experiences that were similar. Several women told me the difficulties they had with me communicating so much about my ideals, as though I did not understand real life as a  mom. I am also amazed at how free, sometimes, people can be to voice criticism online and to my face--I have been accused of being a hypocrite, arrogant, too liberal and too conservative. It is just part of my life in ministry, and I have come to accept it, because I know what I am really like in my home, and I have found peace there--and so have my sweet children.

I have had to learn not to pay attention to my good press or my bad press. I am really not that important.

Finding freedom and acceptance and assurance in Christ every day, all the time, has helped me to keep pursuing the ideals that I thought God wanted me to have as goals in my life, without regard to the outside voices or opinions that used to fill my mind and heart.

If , like the young women had suggested, I had expected perfection as a goal for my children, my marriage or my behavior, I know from the start I would be guaranteed failure.

What about, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"? Romans 3:23

"There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10

"He is mindful that we are but dust." Psalm 103:14

"Wretched man that I am. Who will set me free?" Paul wrote about himself in Romans 7.

But then this is where I live: Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. Romans 8:1

No illusions. God knows I am limited--but that is the spectacular news! He never expected me to be! I live by His life, by His grace, by His love and affirmation of my relationship to Him as my dear Father.

One mom said, "It is easy for Sally to make her home a life-giving place. But I live in a condominium."

I began to learn to be life-giving when I was living in a tiny 158-year old house (only 900 square feet) in Vienna, whose walls leaked rain when we had storms and where we had pigeons in the attic (one we named Walter)!

But it was there that one day, I looked out my window on a gray, drab apartment building that was eight stories high. All the windows were the same; old and dirty from the coal dust. But in one windowsill, someone had planted a flower box full  of red geraniums. In a wall of gray, the beautiful flowers stood out like a flame.

I decided right then that I would be like that one apartment out of hundreds, or perhaps like the person who lived in the apartment--that no matter how small or old my home, I would bring life and beauty to it--that I would create life and color as God did.

Of course, I learned as I went. It was not House Beautiful, but Beauty In Our Home.

Putting a flower in a vase, lighting a candle amid the messes, playing music amid the moments of a noisy life.

Next came cooking and baking.

Learning came as I practiced. Some meals were a success. Some a failure. Some just not to the taste of my family.  But feasts were important to reaching hearts. Celebration was the joy through which hard lessons and chores could be taught and learned. Hard to waste my time on unappreciative people! But this practicing and learning meant years of days of dirty dishes and pots and pans and bowls in the sink. Our home is always in the process of being in and out of messes.

I had not even thought about  being a mom when I was a young single woman--hate to admit it, but it was true! I wanted to be in love and get married, but I was never one of those who longed for a baby. Eventually I got to that, but I had to learn how to love my children and my noisy home and all the demands. It was not natural to me--but I leaned into it and learned slowly but surely, because my heart was in His desire to have me create His life in my home. My heart followed what I thought was His will, and maturity and productivity came slowly but surely. It was like a blooming of my soul and work.

As one of my children said this week, "Mom, our days have never been easy and we have had no support systems and I don't know how we made it, but we have lots of great memories and a full, rich life."

I had to learn almost everything that I now do in my home on a regular basis. I have taught myself to cook, decorate, educate my children, how to become more mature in marriage; how to do chores and work (didn't grow up doing it!), how to nurse my babies--even when one doctor told me that I might cause my child brain damage because I had been sick with the flu when she was born, and she was a high risk baby. Moved seventeen times, had three asthmatics, three ocd kids, one with adhd, fires (one in Vienna), floods (3 in our house), etc. *smile*

In the midst of such a life, there are lots of ups and downs. Children are immature and a mess, teens are self-centered and self-absorbed; and all are sinful.

But, I  pictured myself as  being a redeemer, like Jesus was--bringing light in the darkness, moving along on the pathway of ideals and maturity one step at a time, while holding God's hand.

Same with my children. My goal was reaching their hearts with the love of God and showing them His reality, so that they could find His grace and truth every day. Now that is doable. All I have to do is love God every day.

Love Him, and show Him to my children. Since I am not expected by God to be perfect, I don't expect them to be either. No one likes to live in a place where guilt and condemnation for failure is a heavy weight of expectation every day.

 If moms expect perfection, then their children will want to run far from them. If women think God wants them to be perfect, they will always live in guilt and defeat or eventually want to quit their ideals, because there will be no joy.

Now, I will admit that feeling inadequate is a mantle I am likely to wear many times, as I have always struggled with my "imperfect personality."

Seems from time to time I put my foot in my mouth. Frustration sometimes takes over. Always a deep desire for more time alone bubbles up and expresses itself through impatience.

But, I learned early to reject those lying voices. God knows my limitations, and He does not expect me to perform, but to live by faith in His grace.

Because I knew I needed and still need His patience, encouragement and forgiveness every day, I knew my children needed to live in a home of grace, just as I needed God's grace every day.

Consequently I learned that it is as I seek to celebrate life, live in grace, know his love, and appreciate His gentleness and compassion, that it grows in my heart. Whatever we water will indeed grow.

I have not always known how to walk this journey, but I have always had a hand to hold on to and wisdom to practice and apply.

This story I'm living is a journey: a turn at every juncture, a pathway of life--a long distance run. Not a perfect husband. Not a perfect wife. Not perfect devotionals or a perfect method of discipline.  Not perfect children--

Just a grace walk.

Children with great, open hearts; best friends, loving, living, laughing, sharing, arguing, being petty and then getting back to the center one more time to do it all over again.

Alas, I must go to bed.

First, I am off to eat a chocolate chip cookie--even my diet and self-discipline aren't perfect--and though every year wish I could lose ten pounds in one week before the conferences, it just doesn't happen! Tomorrow I will do my exercise routine, again.

-`but I think after a demanding month, I am going to just enjoy myself, have a cuppa my favorite stuff, and rest ... and worry about losing weight another time!

Because the only way I have made it all these years, is not by being perfect, but by living every day, one more day in the sunshine of His grace and abiding, abundant love with a willing heart.

What Are Your Hula Hoops? And a Giveaway!

Pssst...There has been a change of location for the Desperate book club - please head here for the new information!

Anyone who mothers ten children, loves the Lord, and reaches out to so many others with love and grace, has so many lessons learned from which all of us can glean wisdom.

I'm thrilled to have my sweet friend, September McCarthy, here with a guest post today! During this busy time of life, I knew that the concept she shares about a hula hoop life would really speak to you as it did to me. I know you'll enjoy her writing and relate to the thoughts she's sharing with us--plus we have a fun giveaway for you! ~ Sally

McCarthy Clan

There are nights when I finally lay my head on my pillow and my ears are ringing.  It takes time for my ears to adjust to the quiet.   With days full of children, talking, teaching, music, playing, laughing, children fussing, appliances running, kitchen noise, grocery store visits, and long discussions at night with my husband, a night-time routine seems to take over any grand allusions of rest.

I have to laugh about this.  I am most likely in sensory overload every day, and do not even realize it.

Driving our children to church the other night, I found myself saying this: “We have a 15 minute drive to church, and I would like everyone to have quiet time for our drive there." Keep in mind we have a 15 passenger van full of our children. Quiet?  I gave many warnings, and the older children worked to keep the younger ones happy and quiet(er).   Seem silly?  Ringing ears bring desperate measures!

I had 15 minutes to come down from busy.  I was preparing my heart for worship and learning, and believe it or not, in those very short 15 minutes, I was dreaming.  I was seeing a vision beyond my daily routine and the season I am in every day.  Realistic, goal-setting dreaming.

Since this is important in my life – to have a time of thinking, dreaming, planning-- I have found that sometimes I have to turn off the noise of the world, and tune back in to what really matters.  I need to turn away from the distractions and clutter that might make me feel defeated.

Is there a quiet place in your heart where you keep dreams and pursuits safe for another day?  Your mind might wander there during your daily schedules, thinking of the possibilities you could create if … you only just had…More Time.

When the fog becomes so thick you don’t feel like you can propel through it any more, pull over and give it to God.

If you are a woman with a burden that rests heavy on your heart and mind, please remember this:

YOU matter to God.  He created this hard (and sometimes, noisy) thing called womanhood, and He has equipped us with all we need.  The other things don’t take the front seat like He does.

May I encourage you today to live your dreams in the right seasons of your life?   Many times in our circles, the need to rest is not recognized.  This is a practice that is often neglected –to be still.  I learned this the hard way and perhaps you have as well.

When your days become clouded with noise and your vision and purpose becomes clouded with discouragement, I urge you, my friend, to step back and abide.

Even in the midst of all of the noise that leaves my ears ringing at night, I can hear Him whisper daily to me.  My space has become a quiet reserve for Him.  There is a peace in knowing that the choices I make for Him daily will have an effect for eternity.  He has given me a quiet resolve to be content.

I understand the woman who feels at the mercy of her schedule, and your heart may beat to a different rhythm than your day has planned for you.  You might be asking yourself, “When will life slow down a little?  Will I ever be able to swim into the current of my own passions and desires, rather than feeling like I am swimming upstream against it all?"

May I encourage you to take a little time to read my story here?  I share how I found hope in laying down pursuits that can weigh us down, as we dare to dream and pick up our passions with a new and focused energy – in the right season of our lives.

I compare our extra pursuits and ambitions to hula hoops.  We have to keep them moving in constant motion and if we take time to breathe, they fall.   I dare to dream, but have had to learn the process of balance, flexibility and acceptance to keep a focus on what is truly important.

Friend, can you identify the “extra’s,” you may have chosen to pick up and pursue overflow into a category of exhaustion, confusion, overload, or imbalance?  Can I humbly challenge you to – drop those hula hoops?  Choose your center – and Keep Christ there.

I would love to hear from you.  I can understand those days when your dreams, your pursuits and noise seem to crowd out any chance to think beyond your daily routine.  My book, Hula Hoop Girl, is an easy read, full of hope and my story of imbalance and imperfection…finding hope in balance. Today, Sally is giving away three copies!

a Rafflecopter giveaway Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Written by September, @ One September Day

Author of Hula Hoop Girl

Announcing: The Desperate Book Study!

UPDATE: The study location has changed. We are doing the book study here and at Sarah Mae's blog.

Ruth Schwenk and me--friends in life and partners in ministry--ready to encourage you!

Ruth is a dear friend of mine who has such a heart for encouraging moms. She started thebettermom.com with a desire to inspire, encourage and support moms. This summer she attended our Mom Heart Intensive, and then she and her husband, Pat, came to our home for several days to scheme with us about all sorts of family encouragement we want to do together. Read below to see what she is planning for our new book, Desperate.

You must know that I believe shaping children's souls and inspiring them to love and serve God is the best work for eternity a mama will ever accomplish! Yet, we have not been trained for the task, and  often our own character has not been shaped to have the depth of strength, wisdom and integrity to know how to live out this important role. The Biblical answer for this dilemma is mentoring--an older, more experienced and wise mom, coming alongside the young, weary mom--to support her, love her, take her children and give her a break. (Titus 2:2)

Yet, most women I know feel so alone and invisible and, ---Desperate. We cannot live in your town or place, but Sarah Mae and I want to lead a group study, have videos, give help and weekly encouragement online, and hope that you will consider being a part of our community of moms all over the world to discuss some of these issues of life, faith and motherhood with us.

We’re gearing up and getting excited for the upcoming book studies through Desperate that all of you can do around the web, on facebook,  through your blogs and in your own personal friend community! What a wonderful way to connect with one another and encourage each other. If you haven’t picked up your copy of Desperate, there is still time. There is also still time to start your own group and join us for the study!

Beginning January 29th, I and Sarah Mae will be hosting the Desperate book club. You can see the breakdown of the days here.

Want to lead a group but don’t how to start?

We want to help you any way we can because we really believe in this message and don’t want it to remain just a message, but become a movement!!!  If you need help in starting a small group, I have written a guide on how to start and facilitate a small group of moms. Just put your curser on the picture above and download this guide.

Tell your friends, spread the word, send them a book--Let's be a part of what God is doing to build a movement amongst moms where we can have a foundation of encouragement, connecting arm to arm in shaping the next generation of children together.

The book includes:

• study questions at the end of each chapter
• “Your Turn” Challenges
• Links and QR codes to videos of Sally and Sarah for further insights

You still have time to gather a group and lead a study!! Grab your mama friends and mama mentors! Starting January 29! Hope you can join us!

Remember how very important your role is and share this with all of your sweet mom friends to encourage them.

The Secret of Creating Spaces for Rest when Life Exhausts a Mama

Ernest Ange Duez

Me, after a conference weekend! :)

Do you ever feel this way? What a silly question! Of course you do.

Today, I returned from the Texas conference with 3 national conferences, my book launch and all the rest of life. Today, I stayed in my jammies forever, did not unpack, and got very little accomplished. Sometimes rest is the most holy way to live life.

Why do we sometimes feel guilty when we rest. Monitoring my body, my emotions, my heart, my moods, my strength is something I have had to learn over the years. Often women feel guilty for stopping, but if a mom runs on empty for too long, she will be running on fumes and eventually crash and burn.

What an incredible weekend in Texas! Despite the snow and ice, over 600 moms made it to the hotel after all. I love the life, love and beauty that I always see at the mom's conferences each year. With kindred spirit mamas and friendship and time together over ideals, inspiration and the Word, it is as though the Lord Himself is knitting hearts together and building strength amongst us.

Eternity will be changed forever. Children's stories and legacy will be different because we paused in our lives to remember what His word says about the importance of family, discipleship, love and faith.

However, we return home and are reminded that all of mama-hood and life and marriage and home are filled with constant drain.

Sometimes, when we have piles of responsibility on our plate, we start to place a lot of energy, worry and fear into the "issues" of our lives, and we start to fret.  And then there are those weeks of illness or moving or company or, or, or

The last thing that seems productive when life is busy is to rest.

Yet, rest may very well be the most strategic thing to do if we have a busy, full and demanding life.

If we do not practice a habit of a restful life, we will end up with serious illness, exhaustion, bad attitudes and fist-shaking faith aimed heavenward.

 As I have said before, one of my most useful memory verses is, "Fretting leads only to evil doing." (Reflection of Psalm 37:8!)

God put Sabbath rest into the weeks of our lives with a purpose. It is not just a Sunday thing--it is a principle of stopping when life has drained too much.

I have found that when I believe and engage my heart in the goodness of God's character, and place into the file drawers of heaven all that I am carrying and worrying about, including the lists of all that I have to do,  I begin to find peace.

When I find myself depleted, I stop and take stock of what is going on in my life.  I place the worries and anxieties in heaven. I simplify my schedule. I plan a snack-style dinner, maybe crackers and cheese or fruit and toast, and break out the paper plates. I take a day off from regular commitments and plan to be still. The next day, I again put away normal commitments in order to attack the demanding tasks that are increasing my burden. But into my day I also plan simple pleasure--making time for several coffees or cups of tea, having a nap, watching a show or reading a magazine--which gives the little break I know I need.

When my children were little, on these burned-out days, I would do whatever would free me for just a time--bubbles would be brought out,  or a long bath with new bath toys, a Winnie the Pooh cartoon,  a trip to the frozen yogurt cafe, or a quick jaunt to the park or playground--I crafted a way I might have a break from the banter and demands.

Refueling just a little to find joy, create pleasure and celebrate life in the midst of all the demands helps fill my heart up just enough to begin seeing light at the end of my tunnel.

Slowly, I would begin see the miracles bubbling up ... slowly, surely; He, my Father, delights to provide when I take time to breathe, listen, and rest from the daily grind.

 A Martha heart, frenetically busy, won't see the miracles of God, as she is so busy living in the whirlwind of her own making and subsisting in her own meek provisions that she loses all hope and becomes a wretched nag.

The more exhausted I am with life, the more tense, grumpy and tight I become and it spills all over everyone else.

Finding myself at a juncture of exhaustion from giving all that I have (Thursday-Sunday) to the sweet, wonderful  mamas in my conferences has taught me to take a break, sleep, do something fun and distracting, and give margin to my weary body.

I find that somehow when I try to figure out all of the responsibilities and listen to the litany of the duties of next few months, which are huge, I am tempted to be overwhelmed.

Yet, from so many times like this in the past, I have learned a secret. My Prince Jesus comes to me at just the right time. Like the story of Sleeping Beauty, the prince comes not when she is searching the horizon, pounding her fists, running the floor,

Henry Maynell Rheam

But the prince comes when the princess is asleep, and doing nothing but resting.

Resting in Him, choosing peace and putting off responsibilities and recreating can be such grand medicine for my soul, that after choosing to rest and to invest in fun and love and ease of life, my strength is renewed and all life's issues can be faced with grace.

I know duty is bound to come, but I will face it with courage tomorrow  if I rest today, when my body demands it.

And so today, my plan is to go back to bed, to pace leisurely through the pathway of Monday, to sip and really taste my coffee, to just sit and listen to my sweet girls and Joel  and really look into their hearts and eyes; to call Clay at the office just to say "hi"--and remember that both he and they are also tired; to focus on the beauty of their light-filled eyes; to stay in comfy clothes all day-- listen to music, watch a fun movie, read and pray--and then maybe to rest again, because I know that while I am resting, my Prince is already coming to my rescue, because He has my back covered.

Peace, be still, the Lord is near.

Focusing on What's Important

 

In just a few more hours, nearly 400 women will join us at the Denver Marriott for the 2013 MomHeart Conference, Moving Through Desperate to Destiny. Our family and team have hosted these conferences for over a decade now, and each one is a unique and precious time as women come together to hear messages designed to renew their vision for motherhood, spend time talking and encouraging one another,  and draw closer to Jesus.

Truth is, details are not my strength. Consequently, all of the things I must care for with my children can overwhelm me! Then of course there are ministry concerns and all my sweet friends' lives and trouble on the news and things to do at church and and and. Whew! Last week was an exciting, overwhelming, fabulous flurry of activity and effort as we launched Desperate. Loads of fun, but all those things to do have a tendency to drain my soul and leave me looking for a place to retreat! Needing to have my own soul filled is what prompted the birth of the MomHeart Conferences so many years ago, as I thought many others must feel like I did--in need of a bit of rest and inspiration. Not to mention clean sheets and chocolate!

Though I like to think of myself as a Mary, listening to Jesus ...  pondering scripture ... just sitting at His feet, I know that much of my life looks more like Martha's. Always I awaken with "things to do" on my mind. But I was looking through one of my older books and was re-convicted by what I had written. (For me it is like looking at an old journal. I relive and relearn what I have previously thought and known!) Here is what  I read:

I think as mothers and fathers, it is so easy to get distracted by the details of our lives. We have so much to do! We must feed our children well and take care of their health. We must oversee their education and their training to make sure they will be able to take care of themselves and live in a civilized society. We train them in righteousness so they may understand how God wants them to live. We try to relate to them in mature ways and help them learn to have healthy relationships.

Yet so often, I think, we get lost in these multitudinous tasks that rule our lives, and we lose sight of the underlying purpose behind all these tasks, which is to prepare our children to go into the world and make disciples for our Lord.

Jesus promised that he would be with us. He also promised that he will come back. It is to him that we will have to give an account of how faithfully we sought to pass on his message and his commission to our children. Giving our children the gift of inspiration -- helping them understand their spiritual purpose, which is to glorify God and to make him known -- is one of the most crucial tasks of Christian parenting. The Ministry of Motherhood p. 66

As Christian parents, we  have an incredible purpose. We are the stewards of righteousness and the truth of Christ's kingdom mandate in every generation--to preserve it, to pass it on. We are also stewards to make the reality of God known in every aspect of our lives and to pass on the calling of Christ to them--to shape them to serve Him and His kingdom in their generation.

We are responsible to put before them patterns of discipleship, loving attitudes, the example of true forgiveness, to cultivate in them a godly heritage ~ all the things Jesus did with His disciples. We also have the meals to prepare, the clothes to wash, and the everyday tasks that seem like they have only short-term effects. Yet those "little things" add up to a life somehow!

Martha versus Mary

Sweet Martha is one of my favorite examples of womanhood in Scripture. Who isn't convicted by her story? She loved her Lord and Savior with all her heart. She was detail oriented (perhaps off the charts!) and spoke her mind. Luke 10:38-42 shows us her real problem was that she  could be distracted by the details of her life. She had a good heart. She wanted to make Jesus feel welcome. She deeply loved him. But, she was a woman with a plan and you'd dare not get in her way!

"Now as they were traveling along, He (Jesus) entered a certain village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary, who moreover was listening to the Lord's word, seated at His feet." That's me a lot. I start out well, but......."But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him, and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (emphasis mine)

How did Martha greet Jesus? She welcomed Him. Scripture doesn't say, "And Martha, who was surprised by Jesus' presence at her door ..." When someone comes to our home, we greet them with hugs and a warm smile. We let them know we are glad to see them! Martha was excited and happy to see her close friend and Lord, Jesus. Her house was his favorite or most often visited place.

But ... after greeting Jesus, where did Martha's focus shift ?

Details! She had things to do. Dinner didn't just appear on the table!

And look--Who did she complain to when Mary wasn't helping her? Who do you complain to when the details of your life aren't coming together as you'd planned?

Martha shifted her focus from Jesus to tasks. When you feel "pulled" to shift your focus from people to details, from your sweet children who are always looking for your love and affirmation,  how do you respond? Martha gives me great hope that when I'm flailing in the midst of laundry, dishes, finances, and everything else that happens in our home, I can stop and ask the Lord to give me a Mary heart. I can take time to slow down my frantic pace, and focus on Him and what He wants me to do. I'm to share Him with my children.

One way I am learning to slow down and focus is to look at my children, in their eyes, and focus on what their heart is saying--a gentle touch, tossle of hair, hand squeeze--"I know exactly what you mean!" or "I understand, honey." A personal sign that I am engaged and that they are important.

Sometimes, though, it might be taking time to sit down for a few minutes, sharing how God has been faithful to provide for our family or how He encouraged me in the midst of our lives. It might be sitting down and reading a passage of Scripture or telling them the highlights of my morning quiet time. It might be stopping to pray for a loved one or friend. But God's presence in the minutes of my life need to be a part of the minutes of my time with my children, so they can see His reality and hear His voice all the day.

Now, where the rubber meets the road!

Have you had your child convict you of being on the computer too much? or the phone? I have.

Have you intentionally made time to stop what you're doing so you could enjoy a gorgeous sunset with your son who wanted to share his special spot with just you? Did the dishes get washed at that moment? No, but something of eternal value occurred: your son knew your love for him. You got to ooh and aah together over God's majesty. That's worship! Building relationships with your children gives you entrance into their hearts. You have the honor of speaking into their lives, sharing Christ with them.

What distracts you from focusing on your children? Is there anything you can do to change this?

Here's an activity that can help you think through the Martha/Mary tension we feel as moms. Create a Martha and Mary list. Make two columns: one of things to do (details), one of relationships to build (people, especially those in your sweet family). Pray for wisdom in how to use your time so that the important items and relationships in each column get the proper amount of attention.

May the Lord bless you as you balance your priorities with His help! Off to take care of my details--it's conference time!--and love my family in the midst.

...

In Desperate – Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, read letters between Sarah Mae and I and watch videos of the two of us discussing motherhood (every chapter has a QR code and link where you can connect with us!). Consider asking an older woman (or younger) to read the book with you. You can buy the book at Barnes & Noble HERE, or Amazon HERE.

Simple meal, great comfort: Tortellini Sausage Soup

 

Leaving for the Denver Conference in a few minutes. I am so so excited! But every night, no matter what else is going on, my family still wants to eat--imagine that! :)

The past few days have been cooollllllllddddd as can be. We were  below zero for several days. And add to that, I am preparing for our 4 conferences and do not want a big mess or complicated meal.  Just simple life is less stressful, but this soup brings raves from my family.

I think the high yesterday  the high was around 7 degrees. Seems too cold to go outside for anything. Soup and bread on days like this brings such great steamy aroma and grace to a house closed to the outside world.

A little crusty bread, some instrumental music wafting through the air, several candles lit,  and we are all set for a winter feast.

I made up a new recipe of bread this weekend and my family loves it. I do promise that someday I will attempt to give you my recipe, but I am a little inexact--a bit of this, a smidge of that--and so I hate to give out something so imperfect.

Now to the soup....

There is just something about this simple recipe that brings me and my family comfort.  The smell of the onion & garlic sautéing in the pot, the sound of chopping carrots and zucchini... I am pretty sure it starts with the preparation of this easy meal that brings on the comfort. My kids shuffle into the kitchen and ask, "What is that wonderful smell? What are you making Mom? Oh, I can't wait for dinner tonight!"

As a busy mom, I don't always have dinner planned out. So it has been my goal to have staple recipes that I have made over and over again to choose from after such a consuming day.  These staple recipes always bring to my mind fond memories around the table or smiles of approval from my kids, as well as knowing it will be a quick fix meal!  If I am out and about and I didn't get to making a menu for the week, my only option is not to drive through the fast food place, because  I usually know what little I do have in the pantry and the little I would need to complete this dish of comfort for my family. I sometimes  throw in a nice fresh loaf of french bread  or one of my homemade loaves from the freezer, and my family really thinks I do have it all together!

And so, during these cold winter months, take some time to try this simple and comforting recipe. Then take a moment to come up with your own staple recipes that you can whip up in no time and feel good about feeding your family. Our meals should be shared with the ones we love. The little time we invest in making home - cooked meals makes a lasting impression on our family and our health!

"We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink..." ~Epicurus

Italian Sausage Tortellini Soup

1 T extra virgin olive oil

1-2 onions, peeled & diced

6-8 cloves garlic, peeled & minced

10-12 Italian sausage, remove casings & cut into bite size pieces (Last night I used organic chicken-apple sausage)

2 large cans diced tomatoes

16 oz can of tomato sauce

4-6 cups of beef broth

4 cups of chicken broth

4-6 carrots, peeled & diced

4-6 zucchini, diced

1 large package of cheese tortellini (last night I cut up 4 potatoes and pressure cooked them in 4 minutes and it made a thickish, saucy feel to the soup.)

*Parmesan cheese, grated (optional topping)

Directions:

In a large stock pot, over medium heat, saute onion in olive oil until translucent. Add garlic & saute 1-2 min longer. Then add sausage and stir until cooked through. Reserving the zucchini & tortellini, add remaining ingredients and bring slowly to a boil. When soup has reached boiling point, turn heat down to a simmer. Add zucchini & tortellini and simmer for 10-15 min more.  Serve in large bowls and top with parmesan cheese.  Goes great with a loaf of soft french bread-or a loaf of homemade from the freezer. (I make 5-6 loaves at once.)

*If you want to double recipe and freeze for later, this is an excellent way to save time. Just be sure not to add the tortellini & zucchini until after you have defrosted & returned soup to a simmer. Sometimes I use great northern beans (white beans) or whole grain macaroni instead of the tortellini. I usually freeze my soup in a large freezer bag (lay a piece of cardboard in your freezer and place freezer bag on top so it freezes flat, then you have more room in your freezer when you freeze bags like this. You can stack them or place them in freezer door upright after frozen). You can also freeze your tortellini & cut up zucchini right along side your soup so the meal is ready to go from the freezer!

Yummmmm......is it ok to have leftover soup for breakfast? Enjoy.

In Desperate – Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, read letters between Sarah Mae and I and watch videos of the two of us discussing motherhood (every chapter has a QR code and link where you can connect with us!). Consider asking an older woman (or younger) to read the book with you. You can buy the book at Barnes & Noble HERE, or Amazon HERE.