The Amazing Design and call of Motherhood! And the final day of Mother's Day Giveaways!

Those who made me a mother--Sarah, 29; Nathan, 24; Joy, 18; Joel, 26

(This is one of my favorite pictures with all four in the mountains on our yearly family day!)

As I look upon the landscape of our culture, more than anything else, adults who love God with all of their hearts, who practice righteousness, who have a heart to reach others, who stand strong against the moral battles of this day, are what is most desperately needed in our world. God intended for righteousness to be passed on from one generation to the next by discipling those children who would become these adults. It would be they would effectively  pass on God's Kingdom messages and values and loyal allegiance to Him to those in their own generation. The key to building healthy, godly souls comes from growing to maturity in a home where this life of Christ is lived, breathed and taught.

Mothers were God's finest idea of how such a legacy would be passed on each generation. Mothers were designed by Him to shape and influence the hearts of children who would become the next generation of godly leaders in the sanctuary of their own homes. Mothers have the capacity to inspire messages of truth and hope, to model love and servant leadership, to build mental and academic strength by overseeing the education of her children, to lead in faith and to build a haven of all that is good, true and beautiful.

Satan would love to obscure such an important calling so that generations could not be so well built. He would diminish marriage, having children, family, our walk with God and loyal love, the glue that holds all of these relationships together.

Yet, this is exactly why it is so important that mothers today receive instruction, encouragement, support and wisdom so that they can continue this great calling in their lifetime, so that history will mark her investment by the lives her children are enabled to lead.

As I approach my 60th birthday this summer, I have had to evaluate all of the wonderful blessings, experiences and accomplishments God has strewn across my path. However, I would say, one of my most fulfilling works of life, more of a blessing than I would ever have imagined, is to have built with Clay, these wonderful children into godly adults. What blessing and love God had in mind when He gifted me my children as the best work of faith I will probably ever do!

My prayer for you, this mother's day, is that you will embrace your eternally significant role, and that you will know just how much your children are hoping you will be faithful to God. Your faithfulness insures that they may be trained in spiritual strength, moral excellence and the influence of righteousness. I pray that every day, you will have vision for understanding how very much each day of your faithful serving as a mom matters to God and to His wonderful plan to create us for this role.

I wish each of you a blessed Mother's day. I pray my books will be of great encouragement and give you hope and confidence to become the mom He created you to be. May He bless and bless each of you with wisdom, strength and great joy!

Today, I commend you to the mom's resolution that Sarah Mae and I wrote to encourage you along the way.

Be sure to enter for an hour of mentoring on the phone from me!

Also, leave a comment on Momheart.org today and tell us which book is your favorite.

EACH OF THE PRIZES WILL BE CHOSEN AFTER MIDNIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT COLORADO TIME. THERE WILL BE 17 WINNERS--3 OF EACH BOOK, A MENTORING SESSION AND THE LOVELY BLOUSE. HOPE YOU WIN! a Rafflecopter giveaway

Walking With God as a Mom to Stay on the Right Path--and Another Giveaway!

Hiking and climbing on the mountain trails near our home has brought many adventures to our family. One such picnic into the woods, years ago, turned into a 7 1/2 hour perilous calamity where the kids and I and our beloved golden retriever had to be rescued. I thought we would take a nice little walk, but it turned out to be wrought with paths that led us astray, coyotes barking at us, getting lost, darkness settling in and exhaustion amongst us all.

Sometimes motherhood is such a journey. I thought it would be easier and more friendly, but at times, it has also been fraught with unplanned hazards. (You will have to read this true story in the book to find out what happened!)

It's often said that motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Yet I wonder if it's not something else entirely, more of an endless hike alongside God, who teaches and encourages and sometimes carries us as we go along our way with eternal lessons hidden at each curve of the trail. Surely there are heights and valleys, easy stretches and those that are more challenging, times we sink in the sand and times we could run we feel so light and free. I wrote about it in The Mom Walk ... 

"As a young woman, I looked ahead to the adventure of having my own precious brood of children and idealized all the love, fun, and joy we would share as a family. I even pictured myself as the happy mother of joyful, well-adjusted children. My life as a mom has created countless moments of joy, love shared, deep fulfillment and wonderful memories.

Yet I also have had times of dark depression, loneliness, and feelings that I couldn't keep going. I have often felt inadequate to know just how to discipline and train my children. Choices about their lives have often been a mystery amid so much parenting advice. What movies are acceptable? What is the best way to educate my children? How do I help them handle peer pressure? How is it possible to build godly character into the very fabric of my children's souls? Why is my child resisting me so much? Does my child need more attention or more discipline? And on and on my questions go.

However, I also found I was unprepared for the road, unaware of the obstacles and dangers I would find strewn on my pathway, and I felt often alone in the midst of the difficulties, and more weary than I had ever dreamed I would be. I felt so many times that I needed a guide, a map, the right resources to make the journey, and help along the way. I needed a companion to walk the road with me and to strengthen and encourage me when I felt so alone and forlorn. Often, though, I didn't feel I knew anyone I could turn to for help ...

The more I have studied Scripture, the more I have realized the God designed the role of mother to be one of the most important relationships a child will ever have. How I walk my path as a mother will greatly determine the outcome of my children's souls, relationships, vision for life, and success in their own walk with God. He is the one with the map, the hidden treasures along the way, and the ultimate guide. But without His word and His wisdom, I was sure to become lost on this journey." ~excerpt from The Mom Walk

Are you feeling a lack of direction in your own walk as a mama? In need of encouragement and a friendly word? Perhaps this book would be of help to you, too. Don't miss today's giveaway ...

Be sure to enter for an hour of mentoring on the phone from me!

EACH OF THE PRIZES WILL BE CHOSEN AFTER MIDNIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT COLORADO TIME. THERE WILL BE 17 WINNERS--3 OF EACH BOOK, A MENTORING SESSION AND THE LOVELY BLOUSE. HOPE YOU WIN! a Rafflecopter giveaway

Seasons of Life As a Mama ... and a Giveaway, of course

Sequestered by myself in a small, dark, cold room, I had taken two days away in the mountains to work on a deadline, when everyone was out of town. After hours and hours of trying to think of profound things to share, I became frustrated from being cooped up and decided to take a walk in our beloved small mountain town of Breckenridge to get some fresh air.

As I was walking the town main street, a darling little shop caught my eye. I crossed the street and remembered that it had been one of my favorite in years past. I had been admiring a beautiful shawl, paisley, in blues--something I had admired several times before. (I am wearing it in the pictures!)

Shari, the owner, seemed an immediate kindred spirit as she and I talked and shared stories. I ended up with the lovely shawl--(and must say I have had lots of comments on it since I have been wearing it! :)

Shari showed me around her darling boutique. Exquisite gloves gave us a fun time of trying several on with outfits. My daughter, Sarah, loves beautiful leather gloves and so I knew quality at once.

As we talked, Shari offered to give away one of her lovely vintage, turquoise shirts ($70 value!) for a mother's day gift to one of my readers.

You can find more about her and her beautiful store by visiting:

Here: http://www.handandglove.com/index.htm There were so many lovely unique items and I already have my eye on another lovely flowing blouse. 

Shari made my afternoon a really fun serendipitous memory.

Enter below to win this lovely blouse, a $70 value, for you or for your mom! And thanks so Shari for this fun Mother's day gift for one of you or your mothers if you win.

And, today, I am giving away 3 more books--one of my own favorites, because I wrote it in the thick of my mothering years--Seasons of a Mother's Heart. I hope it will greatly encourage several of you mamas in the midst of your seasons! Here is an excerpt!

"So many seasons of my mothering years brought challenges, unexpected stresses and lessons and a constant stretching of every fiber of my being!"

"I am by nature strong-willed and idealistic, and for many years I was in the habit of telling God how I thought he should run my life. I was so willing to live by faith and to do whatever it took to do his will, yet God didn't seem willing to reciprocate by changing the negative circumstance and relationships in my life!

There was a period of 12 years in our marriage when Clay and I experienced difficult circumstances almost as a way of life. Even though it was also a time of wonderful ministry experiences and much fruitful work, I seemed to find myself too often complaining to God about the difficulties, pleading with him to change our circumstances.

Now, as I look back over those years, I can see that I waste a lot of time wanting God to change the very circumstances he wanted to use to prepare me for the ministry we're now enjoying. How thankful I am that I did not get my own way, but how I wish even more that I had not wasted so much precious time trying to! Much joy was missed during those years by not choosing to be thankful.

Life is not that much different now than it was then, but I am different now. We still have great blessings mixed with great difficulties, but I am learning how to choose to be thankful for both. Rather than resisting the life God has given to me, I can choose to relax and release the stress of a busy life through a spirit of thankfulness, because I know that God is in control. And in that choice, I am discovering the joy that God has always wanted me to have. And for that I can joyfully say ... thank you, Lord!" ~ from Seasons of a Mother's Heart 

Enter to win one hour of mentoring.  

EACH OF THE PRIZES WILL BE CHOSEN AFTER MIDNIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT COLORADO TIME. THERE WILL BE 17 WINNERS--3 OF EACH BOOK, A MENTORING SESSION AND THE LOVELY BLOUSE. HOPE YOU WIN!

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The Power of Servant Motherhood & 3 Ministry of Motherhood to give away!

Bending his knee on the hard, dusty floor, Jesus face creased in  deep thought as he grabbed a rough towel. Longing to reach the hearts of his beloved friends, He knelt to touch them, to serve them, to feed them, showing the depths of His love for them through his gentle, intentional gestures.

Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end ...Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. ~ John 13:1, 3-5

Jesus' call to His disciples was compelling; a call to lay down their lives, to serve, to experience rejection and even persecution. He was asking them to believe something that would eventually cost each one of their lives--that He, a carpenter from Nazareth, was actually the Messiah.

The darkness of the evening must have matched his heavy heart? And so what did He do ... before breaking bread and pouring wine, before letting Himself be broken?

He washed 120 toes.

What an example for us as we live life with our children!

"Jesus was going to transfer to His disciples the responsibility of taking God's message of redemptive love to the world. But instead of just telling them what to do, harshly commanding their allegiance with orders and threats or guilt and manipulative statements, He chose to tie the cords of His heart to theirs with the strong and unbreakable bond of a loving, serving relationship.

Jesus spent His last night on earth with His disciples in service to them. How powerful their memories of that night must have been--the King of the whole universe touching and rubbing their dusty feet and gently drying them with a towel. Their Lord and Master breaking the loaf of bread and serving each of them for the celebrated feast of Passover.

Jesus' example of servant leadership set Him apart from so many historical religious leaders. He was not a God who lorded it over His followers and demanded they follow Him or coerced their obedience through authoritarianism and fear. Instead, He called them to the excellence of holiness and yet lovingly served them in order to win their hearts and show them the means of reaching others' hearts as well.

Contemplating the hearts of my own children and seeking to teach them about the grace of God, I realize my love and service to them must come before any of my great words, my teaching and training. My time, my attention, my "soft-tickling"--even when I am tired or have other "important" things n my mind--is what builds our relationship and prepares them to listen to what I have to say. Only then, once the wells of their need are filled with the grace of being loved, will my words to them about God's grace finally make sense."

 ~ from The Ministry of Motherhood

The Ministry of Motherhood is a book all about following Jesus' example as we mother our children, and it, too is part of the giveaway bundle this week! Don't forget to enter for your chance to win!

Enter to win one hour of mentoring to one winner!

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Home: The Leadership Center for Life {Plus Mission of Motherhood GIVEAWAY!}

 Our Home: Headquarters for life... books, talks, life, beauty, places to belong!

Returning from several speaking engagements and talking to hundreds of mother's has impassioned my heart and renewed my energy for the messages God has placed in our lives for many years.

When women decide to take responsibility for the moral character, the intellectual prowess, the leadership skills, the spiritual vision of the next generation, there will be powerful, fundamentally righteous leaders in every generation.

I believe in these life-changing messages in our books so much that I wanted to give them away this week in honor of mother's day. Will you help me find women who need to have these books to encourage them?

Each day, I will be giving away 3 of my books (today Mission of Motherhood) and one hour of mentoring at the end of the week for a mom who enters every day. Help me give my books away to moms who need inspiration!

There will be a couple of more surprises this week, but now I must have my cup of tea and unpack my bags!

Vive le mothers! :)

Excerpt from the Mission of Motherhood:

Home--it's such a beautiful word! It's the corner of our lives, the place that holds us with invisible strings of love within its walls. Home is the place where the delectable smells and tastes of "my favorite food" linger; where the comfort and beauty of "my room" and "my bed" can be enjoyed, where "my dreams" are inspired and begin to grow, where bedtime routines, prayers, and blessings give comfort, where the intimacy of deep relationships--unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, encouragement, unselfishness, laughter, and memories--is shared with people who have made us a priority in their lives. Its where appetites for favorite music, movies, books, games, art and traditions are shaped from infancy on up.

Home is a haven from a world that is swimming with challenges and difficulty. It is a school where one learns how precious life is intended to be. It provides the context of learning to know and love my Creator, the beauty of the world He made, and His Word, which guides me. And it is the environment where direction and purpose and values are passed from generation to generation protecting and preserving all that is precious in life."

"I can honestly say that no book has ever inspired and motivated me more in the area of parenting. I could not put this book down and highlighted the whole thing. It is one of those books I recommend to mothers and will read again."  -Amazon Review

Enter below to win a copy or...

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Why Your Older Kids Fight Your Teaching ... and How To Fix That

I'm so glad to have Tricia Goyer sharing with us today! She has some thoughts for us that are non-traditional but right on track regarding teaching older children .  I know you'll enjoy what she has to share!

I'm a mom of six children. I've been homeschooling 18 years, and with three preschoolers, I have another 18 years of homeschooling to go! Three of my children are adults. Cory is 23-years-old, married, and he and Katie have a baby boy and one on the way. He's a working man and a caring husband and father. Leslie is 20 and will be graduating from the University of Arkansas, Little Rock, next month. She's a stellar student who will be living in Europe as a missionary right out of college. Nathan is 19-years-old and a college freshman. After one semester of college he was asked to work as a writing coach in the university's writing center. Even more important than how well they're doing in life, my three older kids love God and have a deep, growing relationship with him.

We also have three more kids ages 5, 3, and 2 who've been added to our family through adoption. As a 41-year-old mom sometimes I'm overwhelmed with thinking of doing it ALL again, but if there's one thing I've learned it's to focus on one day at a time. And focus on one heart at a time.

I started off by telling you of my older kids' successes in education and life because I want you to know it is possible. If you would have told me three years, five years, or seven years ago where my kids would end up I would have been relieved—but confused. I often fought with my kids on getting their work done. They seemed unmotivated at times. Some (most?!) of their work was done half-heartedly, and there was one child who just could not “get” the read the book and answer the questions model.

There were many homeschooling days that I found myself in tears. I prayed for God to give me the answer, and when it came it wasn't what I expected. “Throw out the lesson plans and stop trying to force learning. Look at each child individually. Focus on that child's heart, and teach to that child.”

“But what about Geography and Geometry and all those other critical subjects?” I prayed (and fretted.) Still, God kept the answer that He spoke to my heart the same.

What did it look like? Truthfully, it looked completely different for each kid. I signed one up for co-op classes, one for some college classes, and one did hardly any traditional work at all. Trying to get my youngest son to answer a worksheet was futile, but I did discover he loved watching DVD courses of college lectures. Except for some math and language computer programs, for three years this kid watched DVDs for homeschool—classes about history and science and notable people. And the he told me about what he learned.

He also like to write fictional stories on the side. Stories I never edited, never graded. Stories that were focused more on his imagination than on his education.

This child hadn't written one essay at the time he started at our local university. Yet this was also the kid who got an A on every university paper he's ever written and was asked to be an intern at the writing center as a Freshman.

Looking back, what God was asking me to do was to coach my children to grow into godly people who loved to learn. Looking back, I can see this is far more important that learning the periodic table—but at the time I was so overwhelmed and stressed that all I focused on was what my kids weren't learning.

Why are your older kids fighting your teaching?

1. It doesn't fit their style.
2. It doesn't fit their interests.
3. You're more focused on the lesson plan than him (or her).
4. You are comparing him to others—other students, other siblings.
5. You are thinking of this semester—this year—instead of who God designed your child to be and God's plan for his life.
6. You're more focused on preparation for the SATs, ACTs and other acronyms than preparation for your child to follow the great commission.
7. You see yourself as a teacher more than a coach.

I know this list because I lived it. I know this list because I've fought against it!

Recently, I was able to write more about coaching our kids in a book that I co-wrote with Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges. Here is a short excerpt from Lead Your Family Like Jesus:

Just $1.99!

How Jesus Was Coached

There was nothing random in the life of Jesus. This includes learning the carpenter craft from His earthly father in preparation for His season of earthly leadership.

            It’s interesting to note that when Jesus returned to His hometown of Nazareth, people quickly identified him as “the carpenter” and “the son of the carpenter.” The unremarkable nature of His local reputation would indicate that the way He learned and went about His craft wasn’t out of the ordinary.

            Joseph would have coached Jesus through the stages of learning. Under the instruction of his father, Jesus would have progressed from novice to apprentice to journeyman, and finally to master teacher. Through the day-to-day coaching, the transfer of knowledge and wisdom flowed from one generation to the next.

            When Jesus was a novice, Joseph would have given Him basic orientation to being a carpenter—including how, where, when, and why He was to do certain things. As Jesus worked with Joseph as an apprentice, Joseph would have acted as a performance coach, showing Him the right way to do things to produce the right results. Joseph would have given Jesus instruction, observed His behavior, provided support and encouragement, and redirected Him as necessary in the tasks assigned.

      When Jesus was a journeyman, able to work on his own, Joseph would have assigned Him tasks and then would have become His head cheerleader and supporter. When Jesus became a master teacher, demonstrating His competence in all the key aspects of His craft, Joseph would have changed his leadership to empower Him and send Him out to work on His own.

      It’s reasonable to assume that Jesus mastered the craft of carpentry. Had it been God’s will for Him to teach it others, He would have done so in obedience and excellence.

            What we do know is that Jesus applied His knowledge of obedience to the way He guided His disciples from call to commission. From novices to master teachers, Jesus coached them and sent them out to teach others in His name. It’s an example we parents would do well to follow.

Are you struggling with feeling that you're lacking in productive teaching time with your kids while there is so much that they need to know and learn? If so, then answer these three questions:

1. If there were no “standards” for your child to follow what would he or she enjoy learning?

2. What would be an effective way to get your child more excited about learning?

3. What could you do to draw your child's heart toward God?

For each child the answers will be different, which means turning to God and learning better who your child is. God created each of us unique for His purposes. How exciting that He's trusted you to coach your child toward that call!

Are you interested in powerful parenting principles from the Maker of Families? Lead Your Family Like Jesus is only $1.99 until May 5!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008PX0HSO/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0QSC88N3HJW88XW5QBYV&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1389517282&pf_rd_i=507846

I'd love for you to pick up a copy and tell your friends! Also, feel free to connect with me at www.TriciaGoyer.com or www.Facebook.com/AuthorTriciaGoyer

USA Today bestselling author Tricia Goyer balances writing books while caring for her 6 kids and mentoring teenage mothers. Her recent releases include Lead Your Family Like Jesus and an Amish novel, The Promise Box.

Lighting the Fire vs. Keeping the Rules

Joy, in speech and debate a year ago 

A year ago, I shared this story, but as I prepare to speak at a conference, I realized that mamas need hope and fire in their hearts that their labor is having great effect. And of course read to the end where you will find out how this year has progressed for Joy's first year in college. Not all children will fall away! Take courage and be strong in the Lord! 

“Sally, are you really ready for your baby to leave home?!” quipped one of my dear friends when I was buying one last birthday present.

Yes, it is true that this week, Joy, my youngest of 4, is turning 17. I am savoring each day, as she will be leaving for college this fall.

Several women have questioned Joy, Clay and me at mom’s conferences this spring.

“Joy, aren’t you just going to be 17 when you start? Aren’t your parents fearful that you will lose your faith? You’re just a baby—I can’t believe your mom would be so irresponsible! (No one said this to my face, but Joy did say she was tired of hearing the same quips mentioned to her again and again.)

It is hard to believe that my youngest is now a young adult. But after sending off my other children to New York City, Boston, and Oxford in England, I have a heart confidence that God lives in those places, too, and that He will be faithful to complete the work of maturity in Joy’s life, even in California, that was begun in our home.

Seeing our other children prove faithful to Biblical ideals in difficult arenas, on their own, has helped me to trust our children into God’s hands.

Early, Clay and I understood the power of influencing children by inspiring their hearts, instead of trying to control their behavior  by following all the right rules.

But we had a great model—Jesus.

Jesus’ method of discipleship became our model for parenting. He entrusted the whole world into the hands of his disciples when he went back to heaven. He sent them into the world, even though Peter, the rock, the leader, stumbled and temporarily made some huge mistakes by leaving turning from Christ; Thomas doubted him, and all of his disciples hid. But Jesus knew that their hearts were engaged and that living for the Kingdom, after knowing His love, would move them to a life of great spiritual investment.

“I will make you fishers of men. I will entrust the kingdom into the hands of normal men who are empowered by the Holy Spirit and trust God to go before them to do the work.”

Basically, Jesus empowered normal, mostly uneducated men, to be the message makers who would bring Christianity and the testimony of Christ, to “turn the world upside down,” as we read in Acts.

And so our focus was to inspire our children and light a fire of vision in their own hearts to find God’s work suited to their personalities, and to fulfill His purpose.

Before you judge my decision and Joy by her age, let me tell you a about her. She  finished formal high school by 16, entered  local college last fall, by herself, because I was at my mother’s funeral in another state. She made good grades, kept a job and acted in a play throughout the fall. This spring, she joined speech and debate. Her rank in speech has consistently climbed as she has invested hours in improving her skill and competency.

In the past five years, through babysitting, doing day care at MOPS for 4 years, working in various jobs, she has saved $5000. Joy has a heart for discipleship and is going to start a group this summer to build into some young women who she feels need guidance and Biblical input. This is her 4^th summer in a row to host such a group.

Though not perfect, as no one is perfect, she has passed one of the principles of our home—“He who is faithful in small things will be faithful in much.” Joy has proved faithful and has won the trust of our hearts.

Believing in giving our children bigger and bigger arenas of trust and purpose, as they prove faithful in small arenas, one at a time, has helped them grow in maturity and confidence at an early age.

Even more important though, we have placed trust and confidence in Joy and our other children since they were quite young. We thought her trustworthy and spoken these words into her life from the time she was a little girl. Placing small responsibilities in her path, a little at a time; putting her in charge of small tasks and letting her manage them; giving her and her friends areas of our conference to manage —

A leader is built by a perception that they have something to invest, that their message matters. Their self-image is built on believing that they have something important to impart to a world that needs to have their light.

So, what really matters in the long run? Rule keeping or vision making?

Inspiration and love bring life and energy to a child’s dreams of what God has created them to be, and if you believe in who they are becoming, they will also believe in that spiritual  blessing, and seek to live up to it the rest of their lives.

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A post script: Joy is finishing her first year at Biola University in California. Her first year has been so very wonderful and we are so grateful. Every time I talk to her, she shares so much of what she is learning about the Bible, about her walk with God and about all of the sweet friends she has made. As a freshman on the speech and debate team, she and her partner took gold in nationals, which was so exciting for them. She will be an RA and counselor on her floor next year which suits her personality so well.

When God prepares your children through you, as you teach them purpose and kingdom work, their hearts will have a focus to live for and a life to aspire to fulfill.

Have there been some ups and downs? Of course, this is a new road in her journey. But she is not surprised by challenges as she experienced them at home before she left and we walked through them with her. She becomes stronger through each battle which is a part of her basic training for life. And of course we talk multiple times each week lots and lots because we are connected to each other's hearts.

And so our focus is their heart, inspiring their imagination of how God created them for good works and helping them to discover how to follow Him as He leads them into living for His glory.  And of course, depending on God to have access to our children's brains when we are away from them, we thank Him for the work He is doing each day and we lift them up to Him daily expecting him to work wonderfully.

Joy and me recently at spring break, shopping as all girls are wont to do! :)

What Do You When Your Child Does Not Fit The Mold?

 

Not one of my children fit the "mold" of what we thought were other's expectations. As a matter of fact, we didn't either. Why is it, then, that we were so tempted to listen to the voice of accusation, condemnation or judgement of others, when we really never expected to fit in?

One of the most important decisions I ever made was to understand that, "The fear of man brings a snare." I realized that giving my children freedom to be who God made them to be was accepting them as a gift that He made especially for our family. It was my job to adjust, not my sweet out of the box children. I know you will enjoy this article by my friend Deb about her own out of the box child!

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 Do you ever feel like your children don’t fit the mold? Maybe it is your Sunday school mold or your kindergarten mold or homeschooling mold--your child just does not fit in? You know, the “calm, quiet, polite, yes ma’am, no ma’am, thank you, please, always has their napkins in their lap, and never chews with their mouths open” kids?

I never did. As a matter of fact, I had the ones (particularly one) that would always get into trouble every where we went. She was often the one into EVERYTHING, touching everything, always reaching for something, and just about to hurt herself trying to touch something dangerous. She frequently had her little toe right on the edge of the line that you told her not to cross. 

That was my Christie. 

But you know what I learned? God made Christie to be hugely curious, not the normal curious, but the type of curious that always wanted to be constantly learning and constantly engaging her brain. The only problem is that sometimes it came across as disobedience because I could rarely keep up with her, and it seemed like she constantly challenged me when in reality, she just wanted to keep going, learning more and more and was rarely content to sit on her laurels.

I wish I would have understood that when she was little. I wish I would have given her grace more and not taken the things that she did to be disobedience. She needed constant learning, challenges, and stimulation for her little growing brain. (She is still like this today as a 19 year old)  Thankfully, God gave me books, wisdom, friends and family that supported me. He also provided friends that encouraged and believed in me and my Christie.

I will never forget the friends that told me how wonderful she was and how smart she was and never seemed bothered by her getting into things at their houses. I will never forget the friends that wrote Christie notes or wrote on her Facebook wall and showed her love in countless ways. She still loves them and still wants to see them when she comes home from college. My friends have become her friends. Last trip home she went to lunch with one of my friends, and another one had her over for tea. Both friends always constantly speak into her life. A different friend of mine texts her and says how much she loves her and believes in her. This is the body of Christ.

By why is it that so much of the time we, as the body of Christ, judge or gossip about our friends' kids when they are going through a hard time? Why is it so hard to be committed when a friend's teenager is being sassy or exerting his/her independence? It becomes a lot easier to criticize or judge when a friend's three-year-old comes over and throws a tantrum than it is to stick by them, pray for and with them, and genuinely be there for our friend.

I will never forget my friends that were there for me and my kids. They still are, and my kids consider them some of their best friends.

The Bible says, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you.” Luke 6:37.

Be there for your friends. Be that friend that “sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24. Be a forever friend and a family friend - no matter what.

That’s what we are called to do as Christians. We are called to love each other and each other’s kids.

Oh, if you happen to have a Christie, take heart. They are wonderful blessings! Ask the Lord for wisdom and patience. My Christie is at a Christian college on a wonderful scholarship that the Lord provided because of her academic achievement. She is reading 3 books at a time right now, devouring books of scripture, has a successful apologetics blog, and hopes to get her doctorate from Oxford. Was she an exhausting child? Yes!! Has she become a woman that blessed me and always challenges me to think new ways about God? Yes!!

I have decided that I am so happy my children don't fit the mold! Life is just so much more interesting this way!

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

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Today, I am also writing at In Courage:

Desperate was the word that captured my feelings as a young mom of three under five years old.

Becoming a mom at 31, I did absolutely adore my precious children, but I was exhausted every day, never quite on top of the messes, sleep deprived and often short tempered. For a few years, I gingerly held life together, but seemed to become more weary and exhausted each passing day.

When my third child, Nathan, was born, he appeared perfect. An easy delivery, he slept through the night immediately and I thought, “This is going to be an easy-going baby!”

That lasted for three days.

From that moment on, he was absolutely unpredictable. He did not sleep through the night until he was 4 ½. When I would try to put him to sleep at nights, even as an infant, he would arch his back and scream and yell for thirty minutes.

From time to time, he was that child in a restaurant who would throw a chicken leg across the room, lay on the floor and kick and scream.

“No!” was his favorite word when Nathan was five years old. As the third child and second boy, it seemed he had to do something every day to get attention to be sure he was not overlooked.

“What am I supposed to do with a child like this?” I prayed every day.

I felt torn between loving my children and feeling inadequate and frustrated most days.

One day, I sat down in total defeat, a sense of darkness hovering over my soul, and wondering what I was doing wrong, I opened my Bible and read…

“Children are a blessing from God, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”

Slowly over the next days, as this verse began to capture my imagination, I began to ask God to show me my children from his eyes and to help me to know just how I was supposed to mother them......

for the rest of the story, go  here!

Today, right now, spring fever has hit hard

So, is it too early to have spring fever? My house needs organizing. Groceries need to be bought. Meals must be made. Birthday presents for Clay, Sarah and Joy need to be gathered. Packing my bags for one more trip with Clay is still waiting for me in my bedroom. I need to work on my conference messages so I will have something quite profound to say to all the sweet moms who will be together in South Carolina.

But, my brain is empty and I just want to play, or nap, or watch a movie!

But, I want to eat something wonderful without thought of calorie or fat or sugar--and all by myself with no one else to even taste my piece!

I need to answer correspondence.

 I need to work on two chapters of a  book proposal due next week, and the subject is about owning our priorities in life---hummmmmm!

But right now, I do think I am desperate for about a year off, with a maid to wait on me while I serve everyone else, and a long vacation or journey to a new place, (I love stimulation of new places as a break from the daily grind.),  long uninterrupted time with the closest of friends to some place beautiful and restful where someone cooks all of our meals and cleans up for us, probably a beach,  and no responsibility or calls or demands, and no one needing a part of me for one single moment.

Or I would take the girls to a fun place where we would all just talk and play and talk and play and of course eat and coffee or tea a lot! (Yes, I meant to make coffee and tea verbs as we "do it" so much!)

Really, the truth is, spring fever has hit me hard, and very early.

So, is anyone else having spring fever? Anyone else out there need a mid-year adventure?

Just wondering............

Really........Really! Want to play hooky with me today?

What would you do to escape if you could?

Mentoring Monday Making Soul Deposits with Words aimed at the Heart

April 19, a historic day--Nathan's birthday

Gentle breezes fluttered the blooming white rose bushes as the pink and gold light of the setting sun began to reflect on the windows of the ocean side patio. A sumptuous favorite boy-meal of grilled steak, baked potatoes, grilled corn on the cobb, and all the trimmings had been eaten with relish. But the best part was yet to come. A perfect evening as a setting for a poignant memory that would last a life-time.

Thoughtful friends had invited our family to come to their California home for the evening of Nathan's birthday so that we could be together to celebrate his special day since the year before international travels for the rest of us had left him quite alone.

Nathan lives in a very challenging place where Christianity is ridiculed, immorality is freely accepted, excused and practiced, and young adults are tempted to fall away from the faith they learned of God in their homes, now far away from home. Hollywood......

Yet, the treasure chest deep in Nathan's soul, is filled with gems that shine and bring brightness to him in his dark moments that help carry him through these passages of the choices he has to make every day to keep walking with God.

What are these gems?

Words--thousands and thousands of them--words that he stored up in the deep recesses of his conscience, soul and heart

Words about how much we loved him, valued him, believed in him, words from scripture, words in personally hand written notes, emailed words, texted words, words prayed over him, with him--and of course our habit of spoken words in the presence of each other for many years.

And so, Nathan was deeply appreciative and genuinely excited and so very thankful to have our family gathered to invest more rare treasures that he might have for the coming year.

We quieted ourselves and began one of our favorite family traditions. Each birthday, each family member (and friends who want to participate), tell the birthday person why they appreciate them, how they have seen them grow, how they have been blessed or encouraged, ways they have observed godly character being exhibited through their lives and ways they are thankful for that special one being celebrated. Each year, the ritual has become more precious and personal.

Joel began and mentioned integrity by staying faithful to God, taking initiative and exercising faith to write his own script in Hollywood and to take a risk in order to put out honoring material onto the screen in Hollywood. We all lavished our best words onto his heart--our love for him, how dear a friend he is to all of us and the ways he shows it, and on and on. As with each year, I could fairly see Nathan's heart fill to bursting, his eyes softening and his sweet man smile responding to us. But this year, I could tell he needed these life-giving words even more.

Finally, we asked him what was most on his heart and how he wanted us to intercede for him.

Gathering closer as the darkness of night penetrated the soft voices of our sharing, we gathered around him and placed our hands on his back, to touch him as we prayed before the throne of God on behalf of Nathan's deepest heart desires and live dreams. Prayer for his life, his future, his movie, his walk with God, his friendships, spiritual growth followed the sharing of love, as each year we dedicate the birthday child's year into God's hands with blessing and faith.

Nathan on his 24th birthday night this month.

“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”  ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Words have power, the ability to influence, to inspire.

They also have the ability to demolish, destroy, discourage, to tear down faith.

How important it is that this ideal of training our children to true, godly, heart-filling words as a way of life is practiced and reached as they grow up in our homes, with life-giving words surrounding their every day.

All of our children have faced many temptations, challenges, discouragements and loneliness as they have forayed out into the world to work or go to school. And yet they go with messages stored up that speak to their minds in the midst of all the moments of challenge.

Words of life, light and love can be such an anchor to what matters to our children when they are out in the storms of life.

Many people think nice thoughts about those they love. Yet even as the 10 blind men were healed but only one returned to thank Jesus, so many people neglect to practice saying words and so the hearts of our children often bear their burdens in isolation.

Practicing saying words of love and life start with the mom who is training her children. It requires a plan. But teaching and training our children (and husbands!) to be comfortable with expressing these important words starts with habits and traditions of giving words of blessing often.

Writing cards, emails, texts of love and short thanks for what you did today.

Leaving notes on pillows

Writing on bathroom mirrors.

Having dinner times of, "Let's tell one person in this room something we appreciate about him today."

Teaching your children to give grace when they feel like giving a curse. (I have taught my children in times of anger, to learn to write down at least 3 things about the offender that they appreciate.

Having a peace-making couch. Making your children sit on the couch, not being able to leave, until they have made peace, said words of forgiveness, and told each other at least 3 things they appreciate about each other before they can get up.

Practicing praying aloud with each other on a daily basis. (Also practicing every day thanking God and appreciating Him for what He has done.

Words bring life, but it is rare that people actually take initiative to say all of the words of love and appreciation they should be saying.

Marriages need daily words of love and appreciation to grow through the dark moments.

Depression needs reason to hope by hearing "Why I believe in you. Why you are not a failure. Why I sympathize with you. Why you are a blessing, words."

That is why this 24 Family Way is so very important:

Way # 6 We encourage one another, using only words that build up and bless others."

 Memory Verse: Do not let any unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that is will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

We were often heard to say, "Did your words give grace?" And then, what should you have said instead--what is a gracious word? Apologize.

Crassness, sarcasm and cynicism is rampant in our society. If we can joke or make fun of everything and anyone without regard to a need for respect or civility, then we diminish our ability to become gracious.

Training your children to become considerate of their words takes training, tradition, habits, and practice. James tells us that the tongue is like a fire that can burn and destroy. And so, all the more, it is important for us to practice and train our children (and ourselves) to becoming aware of giving gracious words as a product of our lives.

Nathan left our presence filled up anew with the assurance that a whole community of Clarksons believes in him, supports him, loves him, prays for him, because he heard all of us take the time to say it out-loud with him and then to say it over him in God's presence.

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