A Life that says, "Welcome!"

"Welcome" greets each weary traveler as they drag heavy suitcases awkwardly up our little entry steps. Candles flicker, music softly wafts through the air and chocolate almonds, tiny wrapped gouda cheeses all say, "you are a valued person and we want you to find rest and peace as you enter our home."

The past few weeks, giggles, tears, antics and life-stories amuse the walls of our home, as countless friends have filed into this Clarkson homestead.  Bible studies, dinners for students visiting at a local ministry, a leadership intensive, sweet friends coming for a "cuppa" and a few minutes shared rocking on the front porch, sweet children home for limited days, and a friendship talk. all mark the occasions of a visit.

Always there is endless eating; and hearts wanting to be loved and encouraged. Sanctuary has been on my mind the past few months as I have sought to understand the importance of having a home where all can expect to come for life, beauty and peace--and to feel the touch of Him in a tangible way through our words, hands, and embraces.

Godly women shape their homes into sanctuaries where the love of God, the comfort of Jesus, the celebration of joy sings through the very oxygen of the cracks and corners of her home and brings just what each one needs as they enter there.

"We view the ministry of hospitality in our home as God's tool for us to train our children in graciousness. When someone comes to our home, our children know that we expect them to be gracious and quick to serve. That means welcoming adult guests properly, asking if there is something they can get for them, taking their coat, or whatever is appropriate to the visit. (Hospitality drills are a helpful way to train them in this area).

Our children know that being well-mannered and gracious is more than just a cultural formality...it is the way we show respect to another person, affirm their value as a person made in God's image, and strengthen our testimony to them not only as a Christian family but also as a homeschooling family.

It is the practical expression of treating others the way you want to be treated, regarding others as more important than yourself, and looking out for the interests of others. Even when we go to someone else's house, we will still practice hospitality. We rehearse with the kids before they leave the car how to be gracious guests who are polite, respectful, and helpful." -Educating the Wholehearted Child

Even though my children are now young adults, they still help me every time we welcome anyone into our home. Joy will be bustling around, setting up for tea time, and before I know it, another child has already cleaned up the entire kitchen. The dishes will be washed, the counters tidied, and each guest is sure to have been welcomed and served.

This desire to serve, help, and host does not appear out of thin air. In order for your family to be a team that works together as a unit when you have guests over, your children must have TMI (no-not "too much information.")

-Training: Train in grace behavior (manners). Value and pursue priority relationships. Train your children how to pray.

-Modeling: Moms-set the example. Be gracious and kind to family members. Show grace and love to strangers.

-Instruction: About our relationship with God. About the power of the Holy Spirit--lived out through real people to real people.

Proverbs 22:6 states:

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

It is absolutely crucial that we train our children in the ways of graciousness. This also means that you must have patience and grace with your children as they learn how to serve others.

Start practicing by assigning your children different ways they can help the next time you have friends or family over for dinner. If you remember TMI, your little ones will flourish into adults who are loving, gracious, polite, and respectful.

Social Media is like a fickle lover

Eponine-A-Rose-in-Misery

"He slept a summer by my side, He filled my days with endless wonder,

He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came."

"I Dreamed a Dream" From Les Miserable (Fantene)

Passionately singing this song, above the resounding notes of Sarah's piano playing, the three girls in our family find this song  hauntingly beautiful. The image of a young girl, innocently convincing herself that she is deeply in love, giving her whole being to one who is there to consume her. When with child at the end of the summer, Eponine, the young girl, is left with scars, a pregnancy, responsibilities; her so-called lover is no where to be found.

Gripping my heart with its poignant insight, this song has hauntingly called to my heart of compassion for women since the first time I heard it sung on stage. Such a waste to see precious women taken, abused and then spit out to deal with soul devastation and rejection alone.

I meet so many precious young women who gave themselves so such men. Women, longing for love, acceptance, purpose, a place to belong and to be validated, gave their souls to one who could never be a source of long-term love, strength or goodness.

So many voices lure us toward the very relationships and decisions that will, in the end, destroy our souls.

I see that social media, success, prominence, illusive material possessions, status--all fo these "Idols" could be this kind of boyfriend--here to entice you today, but gone tomorrow, where you are left to clean up a life with scars, loneliness and rejection or just silence, the  feeling of being invisible.

Social media is the newest version of promising what it cannot deliver. Thousands of friends, but no one who has the time to talk to me personally. Now social media has its place--we can write articles of encouragement to be read by others all over the world. We can connect with old friends and meet like-minded friends on the internet. We can show pictures of our children, birthdays, holidays. There are many amazing revelations through the internet.

But there is a possible down side to this is "just virtual" relationship. I do not deny that social media and the web can fill some very important needs in our lives and can give us information at a moment's notice. But throughout history, life was never meant to be lived this way. God designed us to live in such a way as to leisurely be able to observe His handiwork, to breathe in creation with all of its color and variation. We were to  to see His beauty in the seasons, a rainbow, to feel the course of nature.

Relationships were to be slowly simmering through seasons of shared time, work, love, seasons and years, with a knowledge that people would be in our lives endlessly through our whole lives without ever moving to another location. The gentle comforting hands of God wiping away our tears; the heart-smile that comes from being mutually understood; joyful celebration of life milestones, as kindred spirits walked through the cost of ideals together--these are the deep fulfillments God intended us to share in real life with present and engaged friends. f

God intended that we have time to sit and ponder mysteries of the universe, to have to work out our thoughts, to have time to work and read and create food and gardens and the works of our hands. He longed for us to seek Him, His presence, His relationship to us as God and savior, to fill in our hearts' needs--pondering and loving Him through time that is focussed on prayer.

God intended that we have real lovers, loyal, present friends, who would be here for us to celebrate life's daily moments and the tragedies and momentous occasions.

However, contemporary culture has forgotten these realities.

Perhaps, on the internet, we build up a couple of thousand of friends--that does not mean they know us, our real lives, our silent aches of heart, our loneliness, our dreams, insecurities, needs or doubts, or love us. Often it just means, they, too, are trying to build their list. Our social networking friends cannot bring us a hot, delicious meal or a fall bouquet of blooming flowers when we are sick or depressed or just need to know we are on someone's mind.

Our social media friends cannot hold our hand or give us a gentle embrace, when we  pray  through a heartbreak or  sit and drink a real cup of tea on the porch as we watch a fall sun melt into the sky, and share secrets. Our social media friends are not here to touch, see, experience, giggle, to validate the memories of real life.

Our children also long for us to see them as the important ones--they long for our words of love and laughter at their jokes and engaging in their hearts and attention. Our children are only with us for a window of time, to receive our attention, loving touch, tasty meals, to celebrate life as we pour into their souls. If we are looking to the internet for our relationships, our children will look for love and attention wherever else they can find it--away from us.

We are their first choice, but they will settle for others if their needs are not met at home with our intentional and present attention.

Suppose, we get lots of comments on our blogs today, or an increasing number of visits. The pressure is on to try to keep that going tomorrow. If we feel good when people respond, must we feel bad about ourselves if they don't leave a comment? If we are one of the most popular blogs or web sites today, eventually there will be a "cuter girl on the block", where people will search for something more, something new, leaving us longing for the same affirmation and love we sought in the beginning.

I think that many young women become addicted to social media and neglect their families and children out of a God given desire to be loved, to have friends who care, to feel a sense of importance--to push away the feeling that we are invisible in this world of ours. The desire to be loved and known and validated is God-given. Yet, He intended for us to have real community where we are loved and have a place to fit with family--cousins, grandparents, parents, siblings. For thousands of years, neighbors were to be those who knew you your whole life, who were there for you in the tragedies and celebrations of life. Purpose and meaning came out of relating and giving of ourselves to a community of people called to live, serve and validate the meaning of life together, to preserve righteousness in the presence of our children as a common group of people who loved and served God together.

Now, we live in an isolationist culture where we move from place to place, seldom knowing our neighbors; go to mega-churches where it is possible to be personally, intimately unknown in  our inner-life needs or desires. Often grandparents and siblings have different values, live half-way around the world, or are of no support at all--many who have been separated from us through divorce.

So, we seek to replace that which God intended to be real and present, with something--anything--that can help us to "feel" connected, loved, validated.

So, social media can spend a summer by our side, but might be gone when autumn comes. A fickle boyfriend--here today, gone tomorrow. Just a thought for today.

Moms, Live Your Real Life!

The UnWired Mom offers encouragement, vision, practicality, and a two-week challenge designed to equip you with healthy online habits so you can live fully present and purposeful in your real life.

I am so very excited to tell you about a new ebook today by Sarah Mae. She and others have known how concerned I am about the terrible effects the internet is having on our children. In The UnWired Mom, Sarah Mae has poignantly put her finger on the problematic issues for children and parents and she has given us hope and practical ways to move to more healthy choices. Sometimes, moms need to know how to return to a more natural life.

Recently, a friend asked me, "Sally, what did you do to occupy yourself and your children when you didn't have the internet, media, blogs, facebook and gaming devices? My kids would be so bored."

Engaged minds, vibrant hearts for God, godly character and moral strength in my children came from pointed intentionality. I do not believe I could have built these life attributes if I had been on the internet a great deal of time. To stretch our children's brains and ability to think, we must live a real, not virtual life!

Engaging children in what is real--real books, real hero stories, dress-up clothes, art pencils and paint, gardening, cooking, carving, studying to master a musical instrument, discussing important ideas while sitting together on the porch drinking tea, hosting people, groups and bible studies for dinners, events, singing potlucks, camping on our porch under the stars, going on evening walks every night, holding game nights for friends, insuring an hour of quiet time and reading every day---these were many of our habits, but also our pleasures when I was raising all of my children--even Joy, who grew up in the era of cell phones and computers.

Children who are constantly entertained, spend hours each day on internet and media have slower brain function and retard some areas of their learning. Recently, I wrote a blog post that considered some of the havoc that our addiction to internet has created!

Research of every kind has suggested that media, constantly being indoors, over-entertainment, trying to manage children into little adults, too much exposure to sexual material and immoral values at an early age, is destroying the soul of children. They are being pushed and pulled and dragged from one place to another, endless activities, lessons that are supposedly “good” for them,  and forced to fit into the time boxes convenient to adults.  

This stress is wreaking havoc and creating horrendous results on a generation of children who are growing up with emotional adult illnesses at early ages, lower vocabulary, more depression, vastly growing obesity as a childhood disease, and so much more. Premature addiction to sexual images and news stories and acting out adult values is damaging to their souls. Innocence and purity of mind is healthy to becoming healthy adults.

(from Killing the Soul of Children Revisited)

I hope you will consider buying: The Unwired Mom by Sarah Mae

For many reasons, I am passionate about this subject and this book.

You will be encouraged to take a look at your own habits to consider how to move from wasting too much time on the internet to cultivating a more vibrant, real and satisfying life with your family. I hope you will buy The Unwired Mom today and begin a journey back to real life and less stress with your children. 

...

You can get a copy of The UnWired Mom for only $4.99 as a PDF or on Kindle.

"Oh my, what an AMAZING read for moms! There is so much in this book that is 100% relevant to those who find themselves over using *any* sort of escape (reading or other hobbies included) OR even just struggling in being disciplined with parenting duties."

Michelle, Amazon Review

Clean Kitchen=Happy Mom

 

Millions of guests, it seems, have passed through my home. Not only have I cooked thousands of meals for my family, but literally countless people have eaten a meal or celebrated a tea in our home over the years. Consequently, the kitchen is a focal point of our whole home. Meals are the way to bring pleasure to all of my peeps and a way to open hearts! Consequently, making it efficient, orderly, and beautiful has been a constant challenge for me over the years, as I spend hours in this room each day.

One of the pleasures of my year was getting my old kitchen a make-over. Over 20 years old, my kitchen floors and cabinets and sink had become even more dirty, stained, coated with cooking residue and I had become accustomed to it, because I was in it every day. Only when I replaced almost everything, did I realize how inefficient, and outdated everything had become. (Kind of like sin--you get used to what you live with and you don't even know how bad or unspiritual your life has become!)

As mothers, we have to get creative sometimes in order to maintain an all natural, non toxic home environment for our children...on a budget. A while back, I found myself in a sticky situation (no pun intended). I had spent the week entertaining guests. Numerous people, in and out of the house constantly. My tables were sticky, counters were icky, and the kitchen was an overall wreck. I had a major problem: I was completely out of my usual cleaning wipes and products and really didn't have the time to make another trip to the store.

The majority of household cleaning products are expensive, harsh on our skin, and hazardous for the health of not only ourselves, but our children and pets.

Did you know that you could be saving loads of money each month simply by making your own household cleaner? Best of all, you probably have all of the ingredients in your pantry right now! Here's what you need:

A spray bottle Water Lemon juice All natural dish soap White vinegar

Fill up your spray bottle about half way with water. Add a couple squeezes of lemon juice (this helps cut grease and also makes everything smell fresh). Add about half a cup of white vinegar, then just a TINY teaspoon of all natural dish soap (it goes a long way). Shake it all up. You can use this as an all-purpose cleaner in your kitchen, bathroom, tables, counters, and window sills.

Not only is this mixture simple and non toxic, but it is also very budget friendly. Now you can enjoy a clean, fresh home without breaking the bank or filling your house with toxins & chemicals.

Clean Kitchen=Happy Mom

Mentoring Monday Faithfully Teaching our Children the Stewardship of Life

Joy's mountain-top garden--herbs, flowers, parsley, tomato plants.

Way # 12 We take care of what we have using it responsibly.

Memory Verse

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much." Luke 16:10

As a small child, my mother brought me with her into her garden when she planted a rose garden, cultivated irises and daffodils, and made our yards beautiful. Though it is very hard to grow plants and flowers at 7300 feet altitude, and on the rock of our land, which is basically a mountain, I have attempted to grow many different plants. I love flowers and so I will keep trying until I find the perfect garden.

Each year I would take my children with me and have them do the work by my side. Now, Joy, my youngest, is still inclined to plant her own garden each year because she also gained an appetite for beauty, by me training her to be a steward of our home and garden. So, even returning from college, the first thing she did was to buy herbs, two tomato plants and a few cutting flowers. The training and breathing into her these appetites have formed a pattern in her heart for being a steward of beauty.

I hope this video will encourage you today:

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much."

What are your biggest fears, doubts, inadequacies in your walk with God?

Charles Burton Barber

This was a favorite picture that was framed in my girl's room--a little one praying amidst her pets.

A project has come into my life seeking to address the spiritual needs, inadequacies, doubts and struggles for women. I would love to really address the heart issues that so many women face. Could you please help me today  by telling me the inner heart struggles that swirl about in your heart the most?

I would really like to address some of the deep issues that follow many women every day, even if they are not always aware of them. God is so often misrepresented, misunderstood or seems far away to many and it would help me to know specifically some of these issues in your lives.

Thanks so much.

Balance and juggling isn't even in the Bible!

Seems I have never reached that magical point where my life is quiet, peaceful, slow, with all the details in my life organized. There are more balls in the air now than when our family was much younger!

Today as I was whizzing in the car to Kohl's (afterall, I had a 30% coupon in my hot little hand) looking for jeans and a couple of things that Joy needed, all the while keeping in mind that she has a meeting I have to drive her to in an hour.

Also knowing that I have to pick up some medication for the sinus infection I have developed with an internal ear infection (going on since Michigan--five weeks ago) and have an appointment with friends to pray at 5 and then pick Joy up from her meeting, and then go back to Walmart for the things she will need while I am gone;

and then to a cooking class with Sarah and Joy-- we signed up for a while ago, and then meeting friends who are flying in from out of town at their hotel at 9; finish packing and then leave for the airport with Clay and Sarah at 7:30 in the morning,

and I think--my life is not in balance--but I can still walk with God, have joy, enjoy my minutes and the ones in my life at each moment, and make it through one minute at a time.

My home is not in balance--I know that when we fly to 5 cities in 7 weeks, to host mom conferences,  that my house will get messier than usual and need a good cleaning when I get home. I understand that if I am going to be faithful to schooling when I am home and making meals and having quiet times in between all the prep for conferences--that things will pile up and go by the way side--but I also know I have a plan for getting it all together when I get home.

I know it will take all of us a few days just to sleep enough to have the energy to clean and straighten up--but I know that we will get to it and I will feel good about my home again.

I liked what a friend said to me, "The swinging hand on a clock is only in balance at one point while the fulcrum swings back and forth between the two sides."

And so my life goes--in perfect balance, rarely, once in a while--but always swinging between the two tensions.

My life wasn't in balance when I had 3 children under 5 and I had to nurse them and deal with ear infections and asthma.

My life wasn't in balance very often amidst the 17 moves--6 times internationally--seemed often I was packing or unpacking--

My life wasn't in balance when I had 3 teenagers and an elementary aged child who just wanted to play and read picture books,  while we were staying up late with our teens talking about all sorts of serious issues in life, and then getting up early with my wee, little fun one-with dark circles under my eyes.

And all the while these in my home wanted to eat, (which meant shopping, cooking and an endless stream of dishes) and wear relatively clean clothes and messes abounded--always cleaning and messing--straightening and cluttering. No balance but a lot of life and fun and discussions and work and corrections--a stream of life never ending, but flowing to yet another new challenge and season of life.

I think I would have been so much more content and joyful if I had just known at the beginning that life for me would not be balanced--but could always be meaningful--if I would just accept the limitations of each day, each season, each child, my marriage and my finances--none totally balance, perfect--but all a blessing--so that is what was going through my mind today as I was whizzing about.

I don't think scripture promises balance--Jesus's life was not balanced--he always had people chasing after him and someone was always criticizing him amidst the feeding of 5 thousands, healing lepers and forgiving prostitutes, holding children and blessing them and saying scathing things to the Pharisees--

Paul's life was certainly not balanced--even keeled--amidst prison, ship wrecks, beatings, and teachings. Peter was traveling, teaching, being persecuted--yet all of these had joy, full hearts, love and time to reach out to and teach others.

So, I was contemplating today--that if I would just see this day and all that my puzzle brings as God's will, I would be content, joyful and enjoy rest in the moments of my days.

Off to pick up Joy!

Teaching Your Children To Walk (At Every Age)

He who walks with the wise is wise,

A companion of fools suffers harm. 

Proverbs 15:20

"By walking in integrity at home, my children received from my life, training for battles that were ahead of them. By walking through the obstacles and curves of our lives, trusting God, living by faith, choosing to endure, our children became familiar with what it looked like to walk with God in the midst of their own challenges." -Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

When your children walk with you, are they walking with a wise person?  Can they look at your seasoned responses, your insightful understanding of people, your fortitude in difficult times as they walk the moments of your daily life? Children watch us, listen to us when we are talking to others, hear us behind closed doors as we talk to our husband, see us in public. Our lives are the walk that our children will imitate.

We are in a generation and culture that has turned our children's training grounds into a battlefield. With relative morality, confusing voices, compromise of ideals, secular media values and opposing opinions, where will our children find clarity and strong, secure values to embrace?

As mothers, we must be ready and equipped with steady feet and strong souls to lead the way for our kids with integrity. We will give them confidence as we walk, staying close to them, holding their hand, and showing them sure footsteps to follow.

"O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart." -Psalm 15:1-2

No matter how old your children become, you are the example for them. They will always be looking at you to see integrity, ideals, and how you interact with God. And the longer you provide your children with wisdom based on truth, the more they will quickly consider your advice as they walk their own adult journey.Still, on a daily basis, I am walking with my adult children. They learned to trust their "path guide" on the trail of life we walked together, day by day.

We must lead the way and set a solid foundation for the paths our children will follow. Teaching our children to walk truly never ends.

Are you walking in wisdom today? Is your life one you want your children to follow? Is your pathway in your life with God getting brighter and brighter? May God lead us on His path with integrity in each step.

What are some of the ways you make each day a focussed moment of a loving relationship as you walk the days with your children?

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day

Proverbs 4: 18

Generosity: Expressed by the way we see ourselves {Mentoring Monday}

Mitch Slate, who lives on the unevacuated side of Burgess Road, spent four hours handing out more than six cases of water to residents waiting to be escorted into the Black Forest burn area Saturday, June 15, 2013. Michael Ciaglo/The Gazette

This thoughtful man did not sit home and wonder what to do. He took initiative to go out and buy gallons and gallons of water to give to those who had been waiting and waiting to see their beloved homes.

An estimated 1,000 people lined the streets outside of the Black Forest Fire command center, Saturday night, to say thank you to the firefighters, national guardsmen, police officers and sheriff deputies working to protect their homes as they changed shifts. Many had lost their own homes, but wanted to be a part of the community that thanked the fire fighters for risking their lives to save their homes.

Thousands of people were affected this week by the fire with the most homes lost in Colorado History. (460 homes totally destroyed.) How amazing it was to see this community of people support one another, help generously, pray together, and show love in countless ways. photo Michael Ciaglo/The Gazette

Members of First Baptist Church on Black Forest Road pray Sunday, June 16, 2013 over church members who lost their homes in the Black Forest fire northeast of Colorado Springs, Colo. The church, which is just outside the evacuation area in Black Forest, held a community prayer and praise worship service Sunday. At least eleven church families lost their homes to the Black Forest fire. Photo by Mark Reis, The Gazette (Photo credits given to The Gazette)

Generosity expresses the way we perceive ourselves.

Living to meet ones own needs is understandable to one who does not know God. After all, if we believed that we had to take care of ourselves, because we did not understand that God is the one caring for our needs, selfishness and hoarding would be natural.

Yet, when one comes to Christ, it is not just to receive forgiveness and entrance into heaven.  Humility and bowing our knees before the creator of the universe, must cause us to understand that our lives are not our own. When we give our lives to Christ, we give him our all. Everything we have belongs to God. Our possessions are not only for us to use, but what we possess is to be used for the service and provision of others. God entrusts us with resources because He wants to believe that we will be good stewards of his provision in order to help others.

Generosity, then, flows from a person who perceives himself as a steward of God's gifts.

However, the attitudes that are swirling around in our hearts, will most likely show  and burst to the surface when difficult circumstances squeeze our lives. Devastating fires, so near our home, effected all of us in our community this week. Disbelief that a fire could come so quickly and devastate so many homes in such a short time left us all breathless.

Yet, as with many disasters, we witnessed an outpouring of generosity from those who had already decided that giving of themselves was one of the ways to most model the sacrificial life of Jesus.

As we housed sweet family friends whose house was at times right in the center of the infrared map, we watched them as they lived what they had practiced believing--the joyful and humble trust of God.

One morning, as they heard of family friends who lost their home, their first response was not fear of losing their own home. But, immediately, they pondered, "What would most help this family? Let's give a gift card to Target, get their kids some new clothes, and go visit them to cheer them up. They probably need a lot of support right now."

The heart of Jesus is to give whatever it required to save his beloved children. In our case, He had to give His all.

Generosity is caught when modeled. It is learned when practiced. It plants seeds in the heart when, out of great thanksgiving to God, for all that He has done, we give always out of our resources to His kingdom causes and to others who are in need.

When we capture the reality of God's nature being extravagantly generous on our behalf, this character quality born in our lives and trained into the lives of our children, reflects a wordless picture of a love that will reach hearts.

No wonder God loves a cheerful giver--it is a true reflection of His children behaving like Him.

WAY # 11

WE ARE GENEROUS WITH WHAT WE HAVE, SHARING FREELY WITH OTHERS.

Memory Verse:

"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

Fire update

Would so appreciate your prayers right now---2 hotspots that came up on infrared are where 3 precious family friends live--and now fires are burning strong near their homes. Would you please pray right now for God to spare their areas and for the fire-fighters to have strength, wisdom and hope and that God would supernaturally protect any more houses from burning. 369 homes burned, 38,000 evacuated, but there is hope today. Our Father loves to answer our call. Thanks for supporting our area in  your prayers.