**used blog 8/24/2021 Does your child consider you an adversary or an advocate?

Severin Nilson

Child discipline--how to, how much, when, how old, is the question I receive most in my mail. Formulas are so easy and so promising, yet God did not give any formulas--only men define the formulas. He wanted us to walk by faith. How our children perceive our role in their lives will very much influence their understanding of what God is like.

How does your child perceive you--as an adversary ready to catch them doing wrong at any moment or as an advocate, the one on their team who always believes in them and draws out the best.

In the past couple of years here where I live, a couple of new laws have been enacted on the highways. We have had numerous police cars added to our stretch of the highway and at certain times of the year, we can see multiple cars stopped on the highway many places in a two mile stretch, to "help people start obeying the laws."

We have had numerous friends who have been stopped, as there have been new directives enacted in our area  to help raise the funds in our area to rebuild the highway. But the addition of police cars and the numerous tickets has actually created a ground swell of people complaining and talking to the city councilmen.

Let me be clear. I am not saying that the officers are wrong. They are just enforcing the laws that have been passed.But there have been some

Yet, every time I enter the freeway and see a police car, my heart was beats quickly and I panic a little feeling as though  must be doing something wrong. 

First let me say, I am so very grateful for our policemen and women who protect us, risk their lives for us and help in so many ways. Yet, what I wanted to communicate is that unreasonable fear we all sometimes feel. This feeling of being afraid of those in authority is familiar to all of us. Of course, if we speed or drive wildly out of control or run a red light, we should feel guilty and are worthy of being caught and fined. We are happy and so grateful  there are policeman to keep us protected and safe.

But when laws are too many and there are police eyes everywhere looking for a person to make a mistake, we all feel relieved to get out of the eye view of such potential judgment. And so young children will feel--afraid of their authorities--their parents-- if they are atwitter in their hearts just wondering what they will do wrong or how they will disappoint or how they will be punished.

The analogy is not perfect and please know that I am very appreciative of our police force. I am speaking more of laws--some are good and protect, some are too much and invasive. I do not pretend to be the judge of the good laws and the ill-conceived ones..

But I was trying to think of a story that would help parents understand the heart issues at stake in young children. They should be able to learn that they can trust their parents to help them, instruct them, take care of them, protect them, without the baggage of feeling that impending doom and dissatisfaction is hovering over them whenever their parents are near--just waiting for the paddle to hit one more time.

What I have observed is that when children just learn to obey when their parents are nearby, but their hearts have not been reached, then when their parents are out of sight or they are away from their parents, they feel they are free to do anything they wish, because their obedience is external, not internal. Just like all drivers will slow down if they see a police car, but may be much more likely to speed when they think no one is looking.

And so we must ask ourselves the question, "Does my child see me as an adversary, waiting for him to fail? To do something wrong? to sin? That I may be in his face every moment, reminding him of these failures and punishing every act of immaturity as well as sin?"

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.  He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."

An advocate is someone who is for you, who defends you, who works for you.

Does my child see me as an advocate, one who comes along beside him, to love and correct gently, to keep him on the path of righteousness, to motivate him in his heart to holiness, to encourage when he is discouraged, to paint a vision for his life and to give him a heart to want to be righteous.

When we look at scripture from Genesis to Revelation, we see God, compelled by his love, to seek our best. He created the garden. He was walking in the garden in the middle of the day to have companionship with his creatures, Adam and Eve. He was even in the garden when they were tempted--he was not surprised when he could not find them as God is omnipresent. But still He came to them and said, "Where are you and what have you done?" though he knew it all. He provided them with garments for clothing. He made them a people, gave them a land, provided them with food and guided them by day and night in the desert.

Finally, He came to redeem, to restore, to love and serve and heal and then to give up His life. Jesus is the one who said, "I have longed to gather them as a hen gathers her chicks."  His heart reflects that of a mother, to love, protect, pull close.

We hear from Jesus' mouth over and over again, "Love one another. Serve one another. They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."

And so we see the principle of servant- love. Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend.

So, Jesus modeled servant, sacrificial, patient love. He gave his all to redeem his own.

Observing his leadership with his own disciples gave me much food for thought as a parent. (It is the theme of my book Ministry of Motherhood.) Though the disciples were a motley crew--they lived, laughed, loved, gave opinions. Peter was loud but failed in the moment of Jesus' crucifixion, yet Jesus encouraged him, said, "I have prayed for you. After you return, strengthen the brethren."

Thomas doubted. Others wanted first position. They were a normal group of men, immature, growing, learning, yet following Him with a willing heart. And it was these imperfect men, who so felt the love and compelling spirit of Jesus, that they were all willing to give their lives for his cause.

And so my goal is not to have "good" children, but passionate children, given to His kingdom and His cause--even as the disciples gave their lives for Jesus' kingdom and cause.

And so, I must model Jesus' kind of love. Giving of my life, instructing, correcting, certainly. But also modeling, laughing, living, sharing meals. Words of life--"Peter, you are the rock!" "Thomas, you are a man in whom there is no guile." "Mary, your story will be told all over the world."

And he washed their feet. It struck me one day as I was having a quiet time, he washed one hundred and twenty dirty toes on the very night he was going to live his life--much like a mother, giving baths, wiping noses, touching her children, blessing them. And so He became my model.

And so, as we ponder our role, we must decide what we will model to reach the hearts of our children. The specifics will come, but the heart has to be right from the beginning. Our culture wants our job to be easy, quick, just give me the formula and answer. But even as it cost Jesus, his time, effort, love, patience, life, so if we truly want to see our children become not just Christians who will make it into heaven, but mature believers who will have an impact on their world, then we must serve as Jesus served and become an advocate for our own.

Celebrating God's miracles in the Clarkson History through Family Day

The Clarkson Kids--Nathan, Sarah, Joy and Joel

Candles flickering, luscious smells of cinnamon rolls hot out of the oven, strong coffee and lots of noise and laughter marked one more gathering of the Clarkson clan. Thus began our 25th year of celebrating the story and heritage of our family. Family Day, we call it. It is a time of remembering who we are, as well as to document what God has done in our family to give us hope for what He can accomplish in the future.

When a child knows the heritage of faith  and cherishes the messages of the heart that has been passed down to him, he feels a powerful connection to the past which gives a spring board to his future. Joshua knew that the Jews who were allowed to leave the desert to enter the promised land, needed to constantly be reminded who they were--the chosen people of God--and that they were to called to possess the land God had provided for them. Consequently, he had them gather memorial stones to document all of the miracles God had performed and teh ways He had faithfully led them in their lives.

When our children were still young, we started this tradition of having an annual Family Day. It was inspired by God's power, faithfulness, sovereignty, and love (Joshua 4:19-24).

Even in the midst of four children on spread across the United States, we all made it a priority to gather together last week for Family Day. Our Family Day is a whole day of family togetherness. Homemade whole wheat cinnamon rolls start the day, a tradition for all of our breakfast holidays each year.  Remembering just what defines the "Clarksons" and reviewing our values, traditions, tastes, memories and pictures reminds us again why we are all tied together by invisible and unbreakable strings at the heart. Taking time to affirm all the things we like about our family and one another builds each person's sense of worth and belonging to this tribe!  Photo albums from the previous year or two are admired, while favorite memories of family times are rehearsed and remembered all day.

Next is the trek to our favorite mountain spot. Singing familiar songs with the cd player blasting--Rich Mullins, Chris Rice, Andrew Peterson songs are the favorites from times gone by. Winding our way through the mountains to Mueller State Part, with Pike's Peak in view, we smack our lips in anticipation of yearly fried chicken, chips, baked beans and Texas chocolate sheet cake. Tromping on the trails and taking about 1000 family pictures takes up most of the afternoon.  Coffee stop is a must on the way home at the same place each year. And then of course, we eat again!

Later in the day we might play games or watch a good family movie. Then we have a special dinner to lead into our Family Day memorial stone time.

First, Clay reads the account of Joshua and the memorial stones to teach the principle of taking time and making a way to remember all the ways that God has been faithful. After the story, we all begin to share and discuss all the ways we see that God was faithful to us as a family in the year since the last Family Day. Each thing becomes a memorial stone of God's faithfulness written at the top of a piece of paper. Those are parceled out to different family members, who draw pictures on those papers to illustrate each of the memorial stones.

The memorial stones are all stored in a Family Day notebook. Each year we review them and we are amazed as we read our family history together at all the ways God has worked supernaturally. It is so easy to forget. We also select annual verses for each family member. We then write down prayer requests for the year ahead, pray, and end the day with a fun activity and a favorite dessert.

Giving our children a story of the miracles God has performed in our lives has enlarged the hearts of each child to be willing to trust God for even bigger things. Understanding how we started our ministry with no money, no books, no conferences--just a thought and a prayer, always inspires our children each year to imagine how god will work in their lives.

Thanking God in the circle of family is one of my sweetest moments each year as I hear the deep voices of my boys praying fervently for all of us and the girls passionately speaking to God with thanks and anticipation of how He will be faithful the next year is the memory that I take to heart. Here, these sweet ones, in whom I have invested for so long and given so much, are now living vibrant lives of faith.

And so, this year, as we prayed blessing and sent everyone out again, we have much to trust God for--

Nathan is filming his first Christian movie this week on a shoe-string budget, but with hope in his heart that His movie might just redeem some prodigals and bring families back together. (Confessions of a Prodigal Son).

Joel is working with a composer in Hollywood on some projects for PBS with amazing music and is hoping to write some choral music that will be sung by choirs all over the world.

Sarah is foraying to Wheaton, with her eye to attend Oxford next year, to see if God will open doors for her to become an academic who can write messages about the incarnation of Christ in a technological world.

Joy is in training her second year of college where she will be an RA and have the opportunity to disciple and challenge 45 young women.

But all of them love and support each other in their dreams of bringing God's light to their own arenas, because they know our family history and story, and it has launched them to continue to write a new chapter.

Mentoring Monday-- Joy is a choice!

Many years ago, when Joel, (my wonderful composer son), was a little boy, he played legos for hours a day. He would design elaborate cars, towns, houses, roadways, playgrounds--whatever he could imagine. We all admired his skill. When he was 9 years old, he worked for months and months on a town that became an elaborate creation, around 5 feet wide. On top of this he placed some of his best car designs. We all marveled at each stage of development of his wonderful creation. One day we hosted a new family for lunch. When Joel took the boy his age back to his room to play, the little boy rushed into the room and began hitting and destroying the whole of Joel's creation before we could pull him away. The devastation was complete and broke the hearts of our whole family. The little boy's mama said, "Oh well, boys will be boys!"

Joel was heart broken and seemed to have a cloud around him for several days. As a child I used to think Joel was a whiner, but time had taught me that he had a very strong sense of justice.  I learned that if I sat down with him, eye to eye, and talked to him about how he was feeling, he would open his heart, reveal what was bothering him, and then he would not whine any more. Sympathy was what he desired.

On this particular week, I went into his room with him and sat down on the carpet floor. We looked at the demolished legos, and I held one in my hand. "Joel, I can't even imagine how bad this made you feel. I would be so hurt. What bothered you the most?"

"It was the injustice of it all. He had no right to be so destructive. I had never done anything to him. It took me almost a year to build all of these pieces. I just thought it was so unfair,"Joel ended with a sigh.

"I so understand and want you to know how very, very sorry I am. It was unkind and unjust."

Then I prayed with him and blessed him.

That night, he said, "Mama, I think I can be strong now and build a whole new city. I just wanted someone to listen to me and to understand. Thanks, Mama."

And off he went outdoors to play with the other kids.

Way 18 We choose to be joyful even when we feel like complaining.

Life is a constant challenge, every day, all the time. Things quit working, someone makes a mess, life just isn't fair. But what can make it worse is children and adults who whine and complain all the time. The habit of whining and complaining turns quickly into nagging and an attitude of self-absorption--which destroys hope, light and beauty. God is so clear about how he felt about the complaining of the Israelites. It led them to disbelief. They wandered in the desert for 40 years because of their complaining hearts and disbelief. This story is a great warning to our children as we are teaching the this way.

It is not wrong to be sad or depressed because of a tragedy, because God is the one who supplied our ability to have emotions. We need and long for people who will sympathize with us, we need to have comfort for pain, brokenness, injustices in life. God wants to comfort us and we heal more quickly if we have someone who will help bear our burdens. For my sweet boy, this was a tragedy.

But as moms, we have the opportunity to work with our children in the hard or unfair situations, to help them to learn to be strong--to mount up over their difficulties. This is what character training is all about--helping our children to become stronger one day at a time.

Will-training is something I have written about many times. It is our will that chooses to have faith in God, that learns how to persevere under trial, that chooses to love the unlovely, that shows generosity to the needy. The will is what makes heroes, strong marriages, legacies of faithfulness.

As we gently enter in to the recesses of our children's hearts and understand their feelings, we can then teach them to learn to be strong inside, but practicing a grateful heart, with an understanding that our heart's attitudes are the place where real strength and spirituality take place. Gentleness and patience leads our children to embrace these attitudes.

"You are becoming so strong inside--just like a hero who saves people in a scary battle. Just like Florence Nightingale saved lives by taking care of the wounded in a terrible war. I believe that God will use you to help many because you are growing so strong inside. "

Memory Verse: "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near." Phillippians 4:4-5

This week, look at your own heart. Is it joyful? Are you modeling to your children an uncomplaining spirit? We are the picture of what our children will really learn as we train them.

You can listen to Joel's beautiful music here. He composes for film scores, creates chorale composition and albums just for the pleasure of listening.

The Most Important Work in the World C.S.Lewis

“A challenging career suddenly seemed more productive to me because I could measure the results of my work. These precious little ones had endless needs. They were busy little sinful creatures who demanded all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention! As much as I loved my children, I often felt like a failure. Surely someone else could do a better job with these precious ones than I. And what exactly was I supposed to be accomplishing anyway? Was I wasting my time?” -The Mission of Motherhood

Being a mother doesn't come free of struggle, difficulty, and hardship. Many moments in my life were filled with imperfect moments that overwhelmed me with stress. It is easy for us to sometimes imagine what else we could be doing. A more glamorous job, something overseas, something with meaning.

In the midst of the mundane tasks of laundry, cleaning, cooking meals, and bathing children, we often forget how incredibly important the task of motherhood truly is. God has entrusted us with lives to steward. We are responsible for the growth and education of these little lives that have the ability to flourish into world changers. Our children are the future of our culture. This generation will face many battles, and God has given us the job of preparing them for combat.

No meal, clean house, or blog article is more important than mothering your precious children. Psalm 127:3 says:

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

I am fully aware that in the midst of children fighting, a cluttered home, and extremely loud noises, you may not be viewing your children as a reward. Your patience, grace, love, and understanding in those moments of stress are what will cultivate your children into healthy, flourishing adults.

Never forget that God has a plan and a purpose for your life as a mother. He must think highly of you, as has trusted you with the most important job.

**used blog 8/18/2021 Everyone fails often, but only those who live in grace survive.

Mary Cassatt

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." --Willard Beecher

"For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith." Romans 12:3

Pounding down our long winding stairs, anger was mounting with each step. I could hear my boys fussing. Sarah and Joy were nowhere to be seen and still the dishes were piled high  and I knew that none of the chores I meted out had been accomplished. As I reached the bottom stairs, I began blasting. I was yelling from the bottom of my toes.

Sarah and Joy came out of their rooms and peered over the railing to the main floor to see what all of the ruckus was about.

And it wasn't just for this day. Seemed I had been storing up my anger for quite a while. All the children stared at me somewhat in fear and partially with humor twittering at their lips--which made me all the more angry. I did not appreciate being a source of humor to this crowd.

Of course, as soon as I quit, I was appalled at myself. What mother yells like I did? What damage had I done?

Sarah, the typical oldest child, responsible, compassionate, taking responsibility,  brought me a cup of tea, and sheepishly began smiling.

'Mama, you know how much we all love you. I think you should consider when you feel anger and frustration building up and try to manage it--decide not to blow-- just before you feel like you are going to, because it always makes you feel worse than we do."

Does anyone else ever feel this shameful regret? After all, I am a fairly mature believer, I write about motherhood, I love my children---what comes over me at these times? Maybe I should quit writing and speaking until I have integrity, the voices whisper to me in my failure.

Sometimes I punish myself when I blow it, as though I am above sinning. I hate to hurt the feelings of my children. Just hate to do something like this.

All of us blow it most every day. We are selfish at heart, limited in virtue and all in need of forgiveness--but mostly we need the grace of living beyond our guilt.

Each of us is tempted at times to the kind of pride that pretends we are better than others. However, Jesus was so very clear about our nature and propensity to fall short in every ideal possible.

John says, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves."

I am so very glad Jesus chose Peter to be the rock. Peter, falible, wrongly self-assured, and the one who abandoned Jesus. Couldn't Jesus see His flawed character. And yet, instead of judging him by his works, Jesus judged him by his heart. Peter, the rock, who greatly failed was Jesus' choice to be the rock of the early church. He accepted his role, after he found the gracious forgiveness of His Lord, to guide and shepherd the early church in Jerusalem--not perfectly, but with a whole heart. He gave his life for the cause of His dear friend and savior.

And so, Jesus does not judge me by my fleshly fallacies, but by my heart of love for Him, my utter dependence on His grace, my heart of gratitude for His enduring patience.

If you have blown it, and feel like a failure, walk in His wonderful grace today, even in the midst of your shortcomings. Remember, you are defined by His strength and provision, not your own limitations. It is why you need a savior.  He forgets our sin, but we remember his grace and humbly walk each day with Him.

Ponder these verses:

Peter reminds us, "Love covers a multitude of sin." Repent and ask for forgiveness to your children and kiss them, hug them, love them and give them words of grace. You are modeling to them what they can do when they fail.

"There is therefore, now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore, keep standing firm so that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

"Nothing can separate us from the love of God," Romans 8

May you find today, the rest and peace that comes from living into His gracious, gentle and compassionate heart.

Soooo, Sarah said,....,

So, tonight I had a launching meeting for our Mom Heart group this year--so fun. When it was over at 10:00, Sarah and I laid on the couch and ate some hot lemon-blueberry cake with warm vanilla sauce over it,  while watching Daniel Deronda.

I told her I  still needed to put up a blog for tomorrow and she said,

"Just put up a random cute picture and say, "Blah!"

And so I did!

Have a lovely day!

My Little Bird Story and some great sales!

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He cares for me.....

When I was first pregnant with Sarah, my oldest child, I was on pins and needles wondering if she would be ok. Having had one miscarriage to begin with, I spotted and bled up to Sarah's 5th month. Clay and I were on staff at the International Chapel in Vienna and my doctors spoke German to me, which I did not always understand. One day when we were on a trip to show Clay's mom the Austrian Alps, I started bleeding once again. Clay took his mom out to look at the little village where we were staying so that I could just get bed-rest.

I remember looking out a tiny window that was next to me and pouring my heart out to God. "Please, God, let this baby stay and be healthy," as tears poured out.

Just at that moment, a little bird hopped up on the window sill where I was looking out and praying. It came within 6 inches of me and just stayed there. All of a sudden, as though the Lord was speaking to me,

"Yet not a single sparrow falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. The very hairs of your head are all numbered. Never be afraid, then—you are far more valuable than sparrows."

At that moment, I knew that He saw me and cared for me. My heart was filled with peace--and Sarah is here today as a picture of His faithfulness.

So, when I saw the mug above, at Dayspring, I got one for Joy and Sarah and me,  and told them the story. I wanted it to remind them that God would be faithful to them!

I introduced some of you to Dayspring last month. It is the Christian arm of Hallmark and I love finding meaningful gifts for my family and my friends.  Faith inspired gifts and home decor is lovely and has provided our family with some lovely pieces in our home.  I am happy to be able to tell you about them.  Here are some fun things on sale this month.

 These lovely dishes, called Ever Grateful, are on sale now for 50% off.

This delicate necklace, based on Psalm 139:14, is a daily reminder of how God feels about you.

Click here to see Dayspring's collection of 2014 calendars and planners.  Though not on sale, they are reasonably priced with many beautiful choices.

There is a one day sale today for this magnetic calendar for 70% off--from 26 to 7.99!

This calendar of words would inspire me each day. As you all know, I love words! :)

Many of Dayspring's boxed cards are on sale during August as well.  You can stock up for loved ones and birthdays throughout the year.  You can even pre-address the envelopes to save yourself that step later! I keep boxes of cards in my desk and in my suitcase when I travel so I can always leave someone some words of grace.

Enjoy!

Building internal values that Lead to Adult Responsibility--Way # 16 Mentoring Monday

The table had been prepared for my homecoming.

Way # 16 We take personal responsibility to keep our home neat and clean at all times.

Time changes from so much travel had left me so exhausted, I thought I would fall asleep standing up. An unusual 7 weeks of traveling, (2 family weddings) and a visit to Joy and 3 speaking engagements, had found me coming and going constantly to the airport to different sides of the country. Walking out to our meeting place at the airport, Joel whisked my bags from me, placed them in the car and then drove me the hour home from the airport.

"We packed you some cherries, Mom, cause we didn't know if you would be hungry," Joel informed me.

Home sweet home called my name as we drove into the driveway. As I walked in the door, candles were lit, music was wafting softly and the table was set with a warm bowl of soup and crusty herb bread. Fresh flowers and a welcome home sign greeted me in the sweep of entering the front door.

"Welcome home, mama. I bet you are ready to sleep in your own bed for a long while," Sarah commented as she put the last bowl of soup on the table.

I waited many years to know if all of my training and providing had gone into their hearts and minds, but now, the values they carried out each day in their own lives told me the lessons were all going to the core of their being, claiming them as their own.

Memory Verse: The hand of the diligent will rule, but the slack hand will be put to forced labor. 

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"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

May I be the first one to say how glad I am to be in this place. Finally, finally the fruit of my labor has come to fruition. My children have "caught" it.

They take initiative, when they are home, to make our own home inviting, a prepared sanctuary, a solace to my soul, a place that says welcome when I get home from necessary trips.  Now, the values that I had in mind when I prepared my home in this way, year after year, month after month, day after day, have become their own standard of what a home should "speak" to people when they come here. And they do it without being told, because of all of the years of me training them and making them help me daily, straightening up, lighting candles, putting on music, making a meal, setting the table, over and over again.. Training takes lots and lots of practice and patience.

A mama has to be a servant leader to provide a wonderful sanctuary for her own children, so that they will want to be a part of continuing to make it sanctuary. What they "feel" and love will cause them to want to duplicate. And sometimes, the laboratory of life is a mess and you can't quite see what is being accomplished except just existing. Those days of ear infections, new babies, a broken washer, holidays, and life! But building the ideals into the warp and woof of life as the children grow with you, creates habits in their lives.

As a mom, you have to practice with your children, what you want them to possess as their own.  A good piano teacher instructs her students in how to do the scales and then shows her student scales again and again, and then listens to her students do the scales, in order for her pupil to learn the basics to become a skilled pianist. Similarly,  a mom has to instruct, show how to do something, watch her children learn to do it and then do the process all over again.

Whatever you want your children to learn to take initiative in (manners, hospitality, serving others, cleaning, working diligently), requires you to define what your goals and ideals are, and then putting into the daily schedule of your life, modeling, patiently instructing, encouraging and training.

Often, moms have said to me, "Your children were just naturally strong or smart,....," But each habit and value of excellence came at the expense of lots of hard work and investment on my behalf-sprinkled heavily with the grace of God. No one becomes excellent of character automatically from lectures. Wisdom and skill require time, instruction and practice.--modeling combined with gentle and patient instruction.

And so, one of the most important ways of training into our children is, "This is not just my house, it is your house. We take care of it by keeping it a place of life and beauty. How do you want others to see your home? What do we do to make it a place of refreshment for all who come here?" And then, you, the mom, make the standards every day, and you show them how to do all the tasks, and you give them responsibility.

I am not a detailed person, so working at this ordering of my home was learned as I trained my children, little by little.

Then when they are young adults, they all live the same ways in their own apartments and homes. All come home to say, "I love how we took care of our home and had beauty and order and feasts and fun." And so they do what they were taught to do all of their lives--they take initiative to keep it a place of beauty when they are home because it is the oxygen they breathed in and out each day of living here.

Don't be discouraged if it doesn't seem like your children are paying attention. They are and they will, in time, come to think of your standards as their own, as they participate in the rhythms you establish day after day. I promise, in time, when they are old, they will not depart from it. Stay faithful!

**used blog 8/11/2021 Be a candle-lighter for your family's dark places

photo (18)

"Mama, one of the things that most distinguishes you is that you are always a hopeful person. No matter what would happen, you always pointed us to hope."

How surprised I was to hear this, as I have often felt that I was a struggler through the many challenges that threatened to overcome us in our lives.

Many years ago, I realized that children long to have a happy mother. Our children are growing up in a time when media spreads the gloom and doom of catastrophes, fears and threats. When the mama spreads light and thankfulness--and hope in the darkness, then children feel secure and safe. But when a mama lives darkly, the children harbor fear, insecurity and blame themselves for parent's being angry or sad. Hope is not natural--it is supernatural. Hope comes welling up from deep inside because of a belief that God is good. That He will win in the end. That there is always hope when God is present.

Women who choose hope and who choose to trust God are those who, instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle. But it is a choice of the will. Hope is not a feeling, it is a commitment to hold fast to what scripture reminds us is true about God.

I am hoping, (no pun intended!) to provide a short Bible study and some verses in a blog once a week with Biblical wisdom that will encourage. Knowing scripture, pondering and taking it into your soul, is what gives each of us food, fuel, to live the Christian life, as we listen to the Holy Spirit guide us through the wisdom we have learned. The only way to live well is to live in fellowship with God. Nothing else will satisfy.

We live in an imperfect world filled with disappointments, devastation, and difficulty. Without hope, our lives can feel absolutely purposeless sometimes. In my own life, I have struggled with hardships I never could have seen coming. My heart has been broken, my faith has been tested, and I have had to push myself in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Circumstances will come our way, and we will always have a choice to make. We can choose to give up, or we can choose hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

Oh to allow the Holy Spirit to fill me to overflowing with hope.

Hope it not just wishful thinking. Hope is an assurance that our king has ultimately won the raging battle. Hope teaches us that this is the broken place where we have the honor of believing Him who is fighting on our behalf.

Hope anchors the soul and keeps us grounded.

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil." (Hebrews 6:19).

When we have nothing else to rely on, our hope in God is what connects us to what is true. As Romans 15:13, above,  tells us, when we put our trust in God, we can overflow with hope. This hope from the Holy Spirit is such a powerful entity, it can make us truly unstoppable.

But faith is a choice that requires us to relinquish our fears, doubts and worries into the hands of God--like a child who says, "I will trust my mama and daddy because I know they are good and reliable." So we say, I will give this into His hands because I know He is good and loving and reliable.

Hope gives us the strength to take on our future. Hope can cure the incurable. No circumstance, no problem, no issue, no devastation is too large or too difficult for God to take on. However, we have to choose this hope. We must receive it. Sometimes, life can beat us down and make us feel absolutely defeated. But when we choose to carry the hope God has given us, we are able to overcome anything.

Faith is the assurance of thingshopedfor,  (the conviction of things not seen.) Hebrews 11:1

My hope rests in God's character and ability to see me through. He who answers prayer. He who is always good. He who has overcome the world. He who has forgiven every sin. He who will never leave me or forsake me. I can leave my issues in the file drawer of heaven and know that He has the ability to work them out and to cause, "all things to work together for the good for them who love Him."

The God-given gift of hope is the best possible medicine for any hardship in life. My hope says that I am willing to wait on God's timing, God's way and God's will with a belief that I will look back and be amazed at the ways He showed his faithfulness. My hope is what carried me through health issues, struggles in my family, going five years without a salary, and so much more. Hope is the physician of each misery, and God has given us this gift to heal us from our pasts so that we may have a future that is full of joy and light.

Read all of these verses again.

What is the value of hope?

Where does it come from?

How does it guide us?

Do your children watch you in your tests of faith and see you walking in hope and trust as an example to them of how they will need to live their adult lives?

Prayer:

Precious Heavenly Father,

I humbly acknowledge that you are faithful and that you see me and know my battles. Lord, I want to choose to be a person of hope because of my faith in you. Please take my burdens into your own hands, and through the Holy Spirit, restore my heart to peace. Let my choice to praise you please you, because my spiritual service of worship is to hope in you each day. Thank you for your patience and love for me. I love you, too, sweet Lord.

I come to you in Jesus' name.

The Best Little Celebration in the history of birthdays! Create celebration to keep your history going

Birthday Breakfast--a long tradition!

I honestly do not deserve the sweet friends I have or the beloved children and husband I possess. So many of you wished me well, sent cards, left comments, facebook messages, lovely flowers and gifts and I feel so deeply grateful for each of you. But the story of my day is a sweet answer to the desires of my heart to not be alone but to have my sweet ones home to remember all that God has done in the last 60 years.

Don't neglect to celebrate!

A number of years ago, when I was far from my mom on mother's day, I called her to wish her happy  day. She said, "Your flowers are pretty, but I would much rather have you. I think Daddy and I should have communicated more to you kids about how much we want to be with you to celebrate special times. I am lonely for my children."

Somehow that stuck in the back of my mind because since my birthday is in August, the past few years, most of my children have been at school, conferences, summer programs--but not home.  It also happened that we have been out of town most Mother's Day weekends in the past few years speaking at conferences, and so there were times when I would feel the emptiness of not having my best friends, my children, be with me to celebrate.

As a child my father would mantra, "Please don't give me anything for (Christmas or birthday) but your love and respect!" And so gift-giving was underplayed at times. And it back-fired a bit for my mama.

As a mama, I have poured out my life daily with cooking, cleaning, training, educating, taking to lessons and so much more. So there are those little feelings inside  me that whispered, once in a while, I want my children with me and I would love most to celebrate the occasion of this 60th birthday with them and Clay--and get to "feel" their love face to face.

So, I planned my own happy celebration. I flew all of the kids home (my birthday present to myself)  and planned fun and sweet memories  and feasting every day they were home.

But the lovely surprise came to me when they all bent over backwards to create fun, blessing, thoughtfulness in extravagant ways that I wasn't expecting. And so, my plan to bring them home to have fun together ended up blessing me more than I could have imagined!

Saturday morning began with Joy saying, "Mama, we have some wonderful morning snacks and a steaming cup of tea waiting for you in your study where you can open all of the cards and gifts from your sweet friends. We are all working on breakfast and your first presents, so enjoy and be patient! " and she closed the doors so I couldn't peek!

My library study with tea and presents!

She made sure to take me to my favorite room and create a relaxing start to my birthday. All of the kids took time to come in alone  to sit and chat with me while I waited.  I felt like a little girl all awash with anticipation of mysteries to be revealed.  Breakfast  was one of my favorite: Polish eggs (scrambled eggs with onions, turkey bacon, hash-browns and lots of cheese and sour cream) and  with sides of , hash browns, decadent almond, cream cheese, and chocolate croissants from a favorite French bakery.  Joel even made me a cappuccino on my new birthday present I had always wanted--a cappuccino maker!

The traditional birthday picture with everyone gathering around before we sit to eat--leading the birthday person in to spy the table!

(Poor Clay is almost always taking pics and so is not in them!)

LIttle did I know, the kids and Clay had all sorts of fun surprises up their sleeves. They wanted to find a way to spoil me all day long, and make me feel truly special. "Mom, you will receive 5 cycles of gifts throughout the day to properly appreciate your real personality."

S: spiritual

C.S. Lewis books, a James Avery cross necklace, charms to keep in my pocket to remind me to take joy each minute, and Elizabeth Gouge trilogy of spiritual books A: artistic

An English movie, a music play list, the lovliest of prints to represent so much of what I love--books, mamas and blue!

L: loving

a beautiful journal and all sorts of goodies

L: long-suffering

more books, trinkets for the house Y: yowza, yay (AKA-fun gifts!)

totally little things I loved--a double pen for underlining and using on my ipad, a scarf, a travel bag and more

I was surprised each two hours with memories, earrings, a beautiful scarf, more books, a beautiful journal with a bird painting--one of my fav's, and a lovely memory book, filled with well wishes, notes and blessings from so many friends that sweet Rachael, my daughter-in-law to be, had collected.

Words can not describe how truly grateful I am for the children and husband that God has given me. I keep telling everyone that I wish I could turn 60 all over again! This wonderful day of incredible memories ended with dear friends and family gathering for delicious, decadent chocolate cake at my home. It would have been amazing simply to have loved ones with me, but each person took the time to pray for me and share one of their favorite memories with me.

My family put in so much effort to spend this day making me feel appreciated, loved, and cared for. This year has been especially busy, hectic, and full of transition. With Joy going back to Biola today, Nathan getting engaged and bringing lovely Rachael home before they film their movie, Joel moving to Los Angeles a few months ago and composing and working 35 hour weeks at Apple, and Sarah preparing to leave for Wheaton after being away all summer, it seems there is always something new arising in our family. After so many years of ministry and hard work, it meant so much to have a day of restoration--and to manage to have all of them at home.

I am so very grateful for each and every person who took the time to spoil me and make this birthday truly unforgettable.

What has been your favorite birthday?