Where Does Wisdom Come From? {And learning to crave it!} Mentoring Monday

{My sweet boys, so many years ago, with their pal Luke. Joel is on the left, Nathan on the right. Aren't they the cutest?}

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8

"Mama, P L E A S E don't make me eat brown rice one more time!"

Chicken and brown rice--Clay's favorite--wouldn't you know!  I will never forget how this simple dish was the one thing my younger son (now 25), Nathan, really disliked!  In our home, my children knew that they were to eat their dinner, try new things, and have an appreciation for what was prepared for them. While Nathan didn't always want to eat his chicken and brown rice, I would remind him the importance of building an appetite for what is good. It is now one of Nathan's favorite meals- and he asks for it when he comes home!

If this sounds familiar to you at all, it's not just because of children who are picky eaters. In our own lives as mothers, we cannot crave what we have never tasted and something that we have not experienced first hand.

However, even as our bodies are made to eat nutritious, healthy food, so our souls are crafted, pre-wired to depend on God and to follow His wisdom--in order to be strong and healthy.  We are pre-wired for all that is good, and that He has prepared us to enjoy.

Even as many have developed an appetite for fast-food which is totally unhealthy, so we are a culture that has often cultivated an appetite for those things that are shallow, entertaining, material, and give us permission to do whatever "feels good," but in the end may destroy our lives. (Didn't Paul say that in the end times, people who gather teachers around them to tickle their ears?)

After the Mom Heart Conference in Colorado this weekend, I have heard many stories of women who said they have never heard Biblical wisdom before, and how they wish they could take back mistakes they have made which has created havoc in their lives, because they just didn't know how scripture could guide their lives in every area of life.

The first sin, (Adam and Eve turning away from God's wisdom, and looking to fulfill their own needs), is the result of death to the spirit of God in their lives. The curse threw mankind into the throes of coming up with our own logic, wisdom that is corrupted by world values. Voices of every kind fill the Christian and secular world that lead us away from God's wisdom and substitute for what is right for what sounds right according to man's opinion.

The beginning of wisdom is God---quieting ourselves, learning His values and ways, understanding His will for us. Only as we return to God's ways and provision, can we expect God's favor and blessings on our lives.

Psalm 34:8 says:

"Taste and see that the Lord is good."

Perhaps you don't feel you have experienced this goodness first hand, or maybe you don't see or even understand what it means to  value of living in wisdom. The only way you can build your appetite is to understand, study, think, read, and taste it for yourself.

If you are what you eat, so to speak, what are you tasting today as your own food for thought? Whose wisdom have you depended upon?

Blogs? Facebook? Texting?

Those who have opinions and spread them across the web, but perhaps are too young and inexperienced to have the experience and proven life to back up their wisdom? Rather than depending upon man and the worlds' values, God wants us to understand Him and His ways as the true source of wisdom.

It is possible to create a new palate and build an appetite for wisdom, but this will require your spiritual and intellectual discipline--and obedience, so that you can have an appetite for what is good, true, honest, just, pure and lovely--the wisdom from above!

"So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of your time in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do." Ephesians 5:15-17

The word understand is key. How will you be able to live a life of wisdom and do what God wants you to do if you do not understand how to do so? Training your heart, mind, and soul to become a woman who is committed to the ways of wisdom means understanding where it comes from and how you can apply this to your own personal journey.

Wisdom comes from God.  "For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth come knowledge and understanding." -Proverbs 2:6 Often times in the business of motherhood, we make rash decisions and become overwhelmed before even thinking to turn to our Lord, the almighty one. Prioritize prayer and conversation with God; seek His ways, His truth, and His wisdom daily.

Wisdom comes from His word.  "Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path." -Psalm 119:105 Life without God's word is like fumbling around in the dark. You can't possibly see or understand what God has called you to do if you are not tasting His living word, and prioritizing quiet time with your bible. His word is filled with the wisdom that will guide us through every circumstance.

Wisdom should come from parents and the home (this means your home!). "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." -Proverbs 24:3 God values parents and the home very deeply. It is through your own study of wisdom, your own walk with God, and your subduing of your domain that your children's lives will be poured into and filled with wisdom as well.Wisdom is lived or not lived in every moment of your life in each day--the way you relate, work, teach, worship, the attitudes you have, the wisdom you share, the way you live with integrity--all of these define the wisdom you pass on to your children and the Jesus others see or don't see through your life.

His wisdom should be alive--palpable--causing others to want to know Him, because of the excellent ways that we live.

Wisdom comes from wise council. "Whoever walks with the wise will become wise." -Proverbs 13:20 Who are your counselors? Whose opinion do you care most about? Who do you spend the most time pleasing? (All of us have our favorite ways of escaping real life--it can be a hobby, romance novels, television, shopping, or the internet. If you do not have time for a quiet time, but have time for blogs and facebook, and the other escapes that keep you from dealing with real life--then you are not truly serious about seeking God as your source of wisdom.)

But having a real live person to talk to, one who has invested their lives in living close to God, is the person you want to meet with as often as possible. I have a friend that I know will always point me to wisdom because she is older than me and she has experience in areas I am just now engaging.

Perhaps you need help or companionship. Find someone to be accountable to--start a small group or time with a friend to study a book together.

Surrounding ourselves with wise, godly women will inspire and encourage us to become wise, godly women. A godly woman should be someone who has had integrity through out a life-time--has practiced righteous living, has raised godly kids, has stayed morally pure and devoted to her marriage or as a single mom, has stayed committed to Biblical ideals. Look for someone who draws admiration from you--not to some one who is just clever or opinionated but has not lived long enough to show forth the fruit of a life well-lived.

Unfortunately, we have put away the older, wiser, more experienced of our lives and replaced them with the technologically savy, flashy and web-wise authorities. And so often, we look to authorities who give us permission to live however we want instead of looking to God.

All wisdom must start with God. But we must practice learning to hear His voice in order to begin storing up wisdom in our soul which will lead us to maturity.

Recently, I was so thankful for the opportunity to get away for a little while to a health retreat to allow my body to heal and rejuvenate, after many run-ins with asthma, infections, 8 skin cancers, exhaustion, and sickness. Never in my life have I sipped on so many green things, and while it may not sound like the kind of "comfort food" we are used to, that is simply because we have not trained our bodies to have an appetite for this kind of goodness. After green drink upon green drink, my ears finally unclogged, I felt cleansed, and had more energy than before.

As mothers, wives, and women of God, we must train our hearts, minds, and souls to value wisdom and crave what is good.

Much like my weak body that was in need of cleansing, our culture and own human nature will often times infect and drain us, and we can combat this soul-exhaustion with wisdom. I hope that you are encouraged to understand wisdom and create your new palate today.

For Further Study: 1. Philippians 4:8

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

What do you find yourself investing the majority of your time in (thought life, invested energy, invested time)? Do you tend to dwell more on negativity/what needs to be done rather than what is lovely and excellent? How can you fill your life and home with more excellence this week? Write down a plan for your week and make it a great one!

2. Psalm 34:8

"Taste and see that the Lord is good."

Are you spending enough time with God (in prayer and in His word) to experience the goodness of His wisdom? Do you even recognize His wisdom? How can you plan to prioritize this in your schedule?

3. Proverbs 19:20

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future."

Are you surrounding yourself with wise council? Even if you are, are you humbling yourself and accepting help and instruction in the areas of your life where you truly need wisdom?

Think and pray about how you can grow your appetite for wisdom, and ask God to reveal the areas you need growth and help you flourish as a woman of wisdom.

A Joyful {Kitchen} Noise: 5 Minute French Toast

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

Mornings are my time. I think better, I am more positive in my emotions and I often see the day ahead with possibilities. I have been known to irritate other sleepier types. Maybe it is because I always have a cup of something warm steaming in my hand and the house is quiet for at least a few moments before someone arouses me--so I can actually think a few thoughts all by myself. The aroma of a hot cup of tea in hand as I watch the sun rise, fills my heart with joy and rejuvenates my soul. We don't have any curtains on our 2nd floor bedroom window, and so I turn towards the window each morning early to see if I will have a "pink" sunrise.  When I see the color strewn across the sky, I take it as God personally saying hello to me and welcoming me into my day. The cold Colorado winter days provide great colors for the early morning rise--pinks, corals, purples, gold. I picture God painting the sky with His palette and brush.

Now, even in the midst of the chaos and many rustling bodies and voices, when my children come home, it is truly magnificent when all of them  are home at the same time (now that they are all so busy pursuing their unique dreams and passions that God has placed on their hearts). Hearing the sound of the girls padding down the stairs or the boys coming up from their basement bedrooms, gives me pleasure to think of sharing hearts over breakfast together. Everyone  wakes up and gravitates toward the kitchen--it brings lots of noise but for my mama heart, it is truly is a joyful noise.

The kitchen truly is a place that is filled with joyful noise: the cracking of an egg, the whistling of a tea kettle, the sizzling on the skillet, and the conversations, laughter, teasing and lives that our poured into over the minutes, and sometimes hours, spent cultivating beautiful meals and munching together. God has entrusted us as mothers to create a haven that is interesting and filled with beauty, smells, tastes and sounds--and we can use all of the senses (through cooking delicious meals) to captivate the ones we love.

Even during the busiest of mornings, followed by a day filled with things to accomplish, you can get off to a great start by making a scrumptious breakfast that won't eat up all of your precious time. French toast is definitely a family favorite in our home (especially with Nathan), and this recipe is not only delicious, but it is simple and not time consuming. Once, Sarah said she believed in God because of my French toast and hot, real, maple syrup! Here is my recipe and it is so easy!

Ingredients: 8 large eggs 1 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 2 teaspoon sugar 8 slices bread of your choice, (I prefer my homemade.) 1/4 cup milk Toppings: powdered sugar, maple syrup, toasted pecans, real maple syrup heated up, butter, sliced strawberries (optional), sliced almonds (optional) 1 large cup of joyful noise (don't go looking for this in the grocery aisles-find it in the laughter of your children.)

Instructions: -In a wide, shallow  bowl, break the eggs and beat lightly. Add your milk, sugar, and cinnamon, and begin to stir. -Place a thin layer of butter(or coconut oil!)  in your skillet and heat over medium-low heat. -Dip your bread in the mixture, evenly coating both sides (I like to carefully take a fork and poke tiny holes in the slices of bread while they are soaked in the mixture. This will allow them to breath and get fluffy without burning). -Place the bread on your skillet or griddle until lightly browned on both sides. -Serve with joyful noise, powdered sugar, butter, syrup, sliced strawberries, and sliced almonds. ***To save time, and stress for family members who enjoy their toppings differently, leave your toppings out in bowls and allow each loved one to decorate their own french toast.

And everyone thinks I am an amazing cook--and it is one of the simplest hot breakfasts I serve!

Try making this recipe for your loved ones this weekend, and don't forget the joyful noise! What are some of the family favorite breakfasts in your home?

Civilizing Our Children {Through Love, Compassion, and Relationship}

“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” Proverbs 29:18

“The home is the fountain of civilization. The value and character and appetites of a people are greatly determined by the reading, training and cultivating of moral and spiritual appetites in the home. Mothers, you are the divinely-appointed teachers and guides of your children; and any attempt to free yourselves of this duty is in direct opposition to the will of God. If you neglect them, the consequences are swift and sure … Spend most of your time with your children. Sleep near them, attend and dress and wash them; let them eat with their mother and father; be their companion and friend in all things and at all times.” From Golden Thoughts on Mother, Home and Heaven

These words, written over a hundred years ago, are still very powerful today. Perhaps more powerful, in a culture where understanding of the importance of mothers to the overall well-being of soul of the next generation has been lost. How affirming it is to see that truth of past generations still applies to us today.

civ•i•lize 1. to create a high level of culture 2. to teach somebody to behave in a more socially, morally and culturally acceptable way 3. to enlighten, cultivate, improve, advance, subdue in terms of a people or nation.

Often, I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction and vision with lots of activities and distractions for their children. This hyper-activity and rushing around to an endless list of lessons and experiences and the buying of the newest expensive curriculum and technological options make moms feel like they are accomplishing something. However, when the home-life of children is rich with excellent, classic literature, passionate Biblical devotions, rousing dinner-table discussions around sumptuous, tasty meals, lots of love and affection given and household chores attended to, then a child will become committed to all that is good and excellent and develop a moral and compassionate soul for all the divinely important values—even in the absence of all that flurry of activity.

A focus on home life is the key to civilizing our children, and thereby our nation. From the beginning of time, God created the home to be a place sufficient to nurture genius, excellence, graciousness and grand civility. But the key factor is nothing that can be purchased or owned. The accomplishment of this grand life is found only in the soul of a mother, through the power of the Holy Spirit, personally mentoring her children.

It is in a personal relationship with a real person whose soul is alive in which the deepest imprints of life are given. The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, home-made food shared in the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice given in the midst of washing dishes together or sharing of a meal; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud and shared together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth; mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch—these are the heavenly things which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or text book that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

Indeed, it is the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deep affection, care and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the heart of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable. A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation. Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic which go into the process of soul development.

If you have the desire to go deeper today, set aside a few moments with a hot cup of tea and complete the reflection and application below:

• “Without a vision, the people perish.” -Proverbs 29:18 The New American Standard Bible translates this verse, “Without a vision, the people are unrestrained.” Do you have a vision for your family? Think about taking some time to write down your dreams and goals in order to have a true focus for all you do with them.

• “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” -Deuteronomy 6:6-7 Are the words of God on your heart? They must be there before they can be given to your children, so how will you make sure they are there?

• What are some ways you might share the beauty and love of God with your family, today?

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As I prepare for the mom's conferences, write a new book due this spring and prepare for Nathan's wedding amidst life, my moments to write and encourage are fewer. So, I do plan on beginning a series on wisdom, soon, but it may have to be between the conferences. I do love this topic--the idea of bringing honor, graciousness, decorum, leadership, influence, aiming words that inspire, inform and lift a person's vision to the excellence of what God created us to be--so stay tuned and I will be focussing on it as I can. 

Meanwhile, as I prepare for the conferences, I so wish I want women to understand that there must be a plan in place or life will take over. For those of you who cannot come to the conferences, I have been pondering how much knowing how to cast a vision for what you want your children to become is so very important to the ways you will invest your days. Praying for those of you who read my blog, that you will be encouraged! Blessings of grace today! Off I go to keep preparing! Sally

Hoping 10 Gifts will help some of you strengthen your plan or help you to begin making one!

The Hero's Way: Leading Your Children to Their Destiny

A new wonderful book and Bible study!

Ever since my out-of-the-box, third child, Nathan, was a little boy, he had heroic dreams on his heart. Now at 24 years old, he is following God's destiny for him, using his gifts of acting in film to bring light to a world in need of heroes. Recently, he wrote a study on the aspects he has found important to leading the life of a hero, and below is Nathan's introduction to his study. 

I read my children hero tales--real people who lived faith, practiced developing integrity, learned a servant leadership as the way of making an impact in the world, and learning to be courageous. My boys, (and girls!) all cultivated dreams of how God would use them in the world. Now, all of them are living their stories to make an impact with their messages, compassion and desire to influence their world for Christ.

How are you cultivating heroes in your home?

The Blue Brigade: Mom and me!

From Nathan:

For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of being a hero.

I would watch as the flashy superheroes would cross the screen, and imagine my self in their brightly colored suits rescuing the damsels in distress and saving the day.

I would spend hours outside swinging stick-swords fighting off imaginary the imaginary foes that threatened my castle-forts.

I would fashion capes out of any spare piece of fabric and run as fast as I could through my home just to see it wave in the wind for a glimpse of a feeling of what it would be like to fly.

I am now closing in on 25 years old, and STILL haven’t lost my desire to be a hero.

I might have given up on the hope of my superpowers arriving giving me super-strength,  and I might wear capes a little more seldom.

But I still have the longing to be a hero.

I still have the continued desire to use the powers I have been given for good, and to save the day.

I believe in my heart of hearts that every young man has a hero in his heart.

I believe every boy longs, and yearns to be a hero that stands for good and ultimately saves the day.

But if we begin to look around our world today, getting an objective view of our generation, it seems that my theory might not hold water.

In a brief glance at our current culture we see self destructive behavior from our young stars, we watch juvenile crime run ramped and an entire grouping of twenty-somethings living with the mantra of “Do what you like, do what feels good and don’t worry about anyone else”.

So could I be wrong in believing that we all were born with a desire for heroism?

I don’t think so. I truly believe, that our creator has placed in each of our hearts the desire to serve, love and save the world using the powers he has placed within us. But I think somewhere along the way, many of us forget that longing in the wake of not knowing how to actually carry out, and live the life of a hero.

Because of this, I have recently written a 10 day study-journal that goes through what I believe will are the basic essentials of living the life of a Hero.

I wrote this in hopes of inspiring, helping and guiding those who remember their desire to live a heroic life and want to begin taking the steps towards living one.

I believe we all have a hero written on our hearts, but it is our choice if we will listen to the story our creator has written for us and live it.

-Nathan Clarkson

In my book, you will find discussion questions, Bible heroes, challenges, and more. Your son will remember this little book and what it places into his heart the rest of his life! Build His vision of the hero inside of him today! Lead a Bible study with boys and start a small group!

Buy Here! ***You can find The Hero's Way by Nathan Clarkson on paperback or Kindle. 

Home Management for the Homeschooling Mom: And Child Friendly Chores!

"For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33

"Most of the Clarkson family members are not organizers by nature. Only Clay seems to have the gift of organization (which he often considers a curse since it seems to be regularly challenged). Everyone in the family, especially the girls, values orderly rooms and clean living areas and will work as needed to bring outward order to the immediate living environment so it is civilized and delightful, but that's where it often stops. Clay, on the other hand, is driven to create systems of organization, not just outwardly but inwardly as well. Whether it is the twenty-four hinged-lid crates for holiday decor (different color lids for different holidays), the organized and labeled pantry shelves (which never stay that way), the four drawers of family files with color-coded hanging files and dividers, or the organized garage, it is his burden to organize." -Educating the Wholehearted Child

The sun is up, you even made time for two cups of coffee (fully caffeinated), and you have your afternoon of homeschooling all planned out. Just when you were feeling inspired, your joy is interrupted by a cluttered home. Many of us mothers know this feeling all too well.

Our God is not a God of disorder, so it makes sense that as mothers, we would feel overwhelmed when our domain is becoming chaotic and unruly. It is crucial, especially while homeschooling, to create a peaceful atmosphere with as few distractions as possible so that we may focus on what is truly important (easier said than done, I know). Your home is your domain-it is the part of creation that God has uniquely designed and delegated to you to subdue and rule over, especially as a homeschooling mother. However, homes of disorder get in the way of our stewarding this very important place, and creates an environment of stress and anxiety.

Learning the basic principles of home management can save you time, energy, and keep you from becoming overwhelmed. It is crucial not only for your sanity, but for the well being and independence of your children, that you assign age appropriate chores and tasks so that they may contribute to the peace and order of the home you subdue.

Here is a short list of chores that your children can do around the house. For older children, define exactly what you mean by the chore ("The kitchen is clean when..."). For younger children, give them one or two specific tasks at a time ("Organize your toy closet").

-Make bed -Clean room -Set the table -Clear the table -Do the dishes -Clean the kitchen -Empty dishwasher -Fold/distribute laundry -Change bedding -Feed pets -Clean sink/mirrors -Scrub toilet -Straighten any room -Vacuum

Try not to stress on the overwhelming days when someone is sick, agitated, or uncooperative. Not every day will be flawless in the home, but remain encouraged so that you may continue to encourage the sweet ones around you. Be inspired today, and remember that when your home is under control, the resulting peace is a powerful testimony of God's living presence in your family.

Enjoy a special Mommy Minute video below from my sweet friend, Angela Perritt, on something new she wants to implement with her girls in the home.

http://youtu.be/3UBuXT4zdQU

Loving Consistently: A Habit That Changes Hearts

“For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” Psalm 103:14

April was abloom with tiny buds beginning to burst, daffodils pushing through the cold ground and all the promise of spring was pulsing through our home. Many years ago, on a Saturday before Easter found my girls and me, working together, preparing our traditional Easter feast. A dozen people would join us, so we bumped into each other, scurrying around the kitchen island, preparing sumptuous recipes that would feed a crowd. Joy, grasping for her own place in our kitchen as the youngest, had decided to make the special deviled eggs we had enjoyed as a family for many Easters. She had peeled 24 hard boiled eggs and then got a bright idea of how to make it easier, even though I had already explained to her the best way to fill the eggs.

She had good inclinations and she was attempting a new idea---(great attitude at the end of all of us working so hard), but her effort to stuff a flimsy, plastic sandwich bag with egg filling resulted in a mess everywhere–I have never seen so much egg yellow on the hands of any one individual! How in the world had she managed to fumble such an easy task, I thought, in my mama bad attitude irritation, neglecting how hard she had been trying. Of course, this situation struck at the end of a long afternoon of cooking and counseling another teen. My adrenalin was at an all-time low. She could surely sense how irritated I was.

The Lord poked my heart and suddenly gave me eyes to see this precious, young woman--my sweet little girl--in the throes of growing up. Insecurity and frustration flashed from her dark eyes as she watched me clean up her mess. Choosing how to respond and what I wanted to leave in her heart’s memory ran across my mind. After taking a couple of minutes to ponder what I was going to say, I took her to our den couch and gave her a cup of tea.

“Joyness,” (our nickname for her) “you have been so exceedingly helpful and thoughtful today. The table you set looks lovely; the groceries are all put away, and you have labored by my side for hours. I don’t know what I would do without your help. Many times I have baked bread and then burned it or grilled something outside that ends up tough as nails. Frustration temps me to rage inside sometimes, because I hate to waste time and ruin the food I have cooked. So, I know how you must feel when the bag kept breaking and the mess just poured out. I am so sorry if I offended you in any way. You are such a treasure to me and I know you were trying to do a good job. Thanks so much for all the ways you have helped me this week!”

Suddenly, a sheepish grin crossed her face. She climbed into my lap; long, gangly, teenage legs and all, and said, “I am so thankful that you always love me, mommy.” A kiss on the cheek … and she was gone.

Time and age has convinced me of my propensity to be selfish and immature. Consequently, my gratitude has grown immensely, knowing that I don’t have to perform for the Lord. He is mindful that I am but dust, and yet He still calls me His own special child. The amount of times He has had to bear with me, love me and give me grace has made me so much more apt to love and forgive and bear with my sweet, but immature children and husband and friends.

I know they will make mistakes and be selfish and sinful-- just like me!-- but I know that I can only please God and have peace in my own heart when I choose to love them back. And in practicing loving them, my own heart swells with more love, good thoughts and a generous heart.

This is how it works in my own life: Sometimes, I will have a critical thought toward Clay or the kids or a friend. If I foster the thought, it nurtures self-righteousness and resentment and anger. When I choose to look at the relationship with eyes of love, to take the thought or attitude captive, I can get perspective. This is a person dear to me, and we have history together. They have a personality that comes with many flaws as mine does. I am not primarily the focus of their lives, and they do not live to hurt my feelings!

I need to remember that love covers a multitude of sin. (Or I remember that this person is an immature toddler or exhausted baby or hormonal young woman or middle aged hormonal woman or somewhat immature, irrational, waiting-for-his-frontal-cortex-to-connect "teen" young man or a tired, worn-out husband who’s had too many days of work.) Then I remember how much I need grace in all of my own fragile times. I also remind myself that I will please my precious, patient Lord Jesus if I obediently act in love.

So, I cover the person with grace, say words of patience and kindness and then I am amazed that my feelings of love usually follow and the relationship improves rather than being broken. Good feelings often accompany obedience.

This is not a formula that always works--I am not looking for always having the right results--but it is a way of life, that practiced over many years, has turned my heart more towards loving, resting and accepting those valued relationships. In return, I find I am blessed in ample love that the Lord pours out into my heart. If I sow love, I will reap love. My love becomes a blessing to me in return.

We are all constantly confronted with a multitude of opportunities to choose to love or to choose to stir up strife. Loving on a consistent basis is a choice that becomes a habit and eventually changes our heart’s response. We all get frustrated sometimes with our children’s mistakes. The important thing is to correct our own bad reactions before we hurt their precious hearts!

Indeed, in the end, how we loved will be a measure of how we lived. May God give you grace today to love well and to walk on His pathway of love and grace.

***If you have the desire to go deeper today, take a few moments to complete the reflection and application below:

• “Love is patient, love it kind, it does not take into account a wrong suffered.” I Cor. 13: 4, 5 These words describe God, who tells us that He actually is love! Too often, it doesn’t describe me. Do patience and kindness come easily to you?

• “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another.” James 5: 16 Is it hard for you to apologize to your children when you’re wrong?

• “Above all, love each other deeply, for love covers a multitude of sin.” I Peter 4:8 How can you remind yourself to think of your child’s feelings before you react to their childishness and sin?

Soul-killing legalism, Ensnaring liberalism--only Biblical wisdom brings life.

Sarah and Joel--Cambridge established 1209 ad

"Do not move the ancient boundary, Which your fathers have set. "

Sipping tea in the candlelight of the twilight of evening found me cherishing time with a dear friend who has had a godly influence on my life for many years. We were reflecting on the many ways we have observed more and more compromise in the lives of young Christians over the many decades of our lives. A weakening of the faith and of the faithful--too many stories of leaders compromising and Christians being yawningly boring, ineffectual and weak--it has become epic in our lives--and in the news.

“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.” Genesis 3:6

Discernment is the ability to judge well between truth and vanity is reflected in the life of a mature believer. Discernment between good and evil and the willingness to obey whatever God requires is an evidence of one walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and following God's word. However, many do not even know what the word of God says anymore, so they follow online wisdom.

If a woman has time to spend on the internet but no time for prayer or the word of God, then she is not serious in her commitment to God, but she is serious in her commitment to facebook and blogs. As Jesus says, you can't serve two masters.

I am concerned about the extremes I see on the internet, and in life. Leaders in churches have questioned me on my teaching “conservative, old fashioned teaching about home and family and the training of children.”

God's word provides the wisdom, boundaries, and insight for each day of our lives. Boundaries and fences and hedges are established for the protection of a land or home, the definition of its realm and the measuring of it's place. When you remove fences and borders, all sorts of havoc reigns. Boundaries provide definition and security. Our culture calls out daily for the compromise and moving of boundaries in our lives. Without a depth of training in the Word, so many are caught up in the seemingly alluring messages—either to legalism and judgment or to compromise and compliance with less than Biblical ideals.

As I have said many times, in the absence of Biblical conviction, people go the way of culture.

When you don’t know what to think, you follow, like sheep, anyone whose voice is the loudest or most persuasive. Paul warned us that toward the end times, people would want to have their ears tickled with messages that pleased them. He said, “Nothing would be sacred.” II Tim 3

From the beginning, as with Eve, women have been seeking wisdom from another place, looking for answers to validate their whims and desires from the world. But even as it turned out disastrously for Eve, and all women who have followed lies throughout history, so it will be for women who listen, are allured by the voices of the world today. Do not be fooled!

To live a balanced life, between the false promises of a legalistic, behavior, rule-based life or the permissive, “it doesn’t matter---give yourself a break,” culture, we must be women who are seeking the heart of Jesus, the truth of scripture and the teachings of those who have lived a proven life.

Living in the tension of walking with freedom and holiness requires us to know our God, so that we can resist the voices that sway us one way or the other.

It would only make sense that the father of lies, Satan, would figure out a way to send out voices of confusion to distract and minimize the powerful message of Christ. But we must understand,  messages are not necessarily true because they are accompanied by numbers of people, followings or attractiveness of delivery. We are not to measure holiness by popularity or numbers, but by the Christ-centered messages that call us to love and serve Him more as the days to His coming draw nearer.

Even as stop signs and red lights keep us from having wrecks with oncoming cars, so scripture is a boundary, a fence that shows us best how to live, and it protects us from foolish consequences. It is also an instruction book that shows us wisdom, how to live well, how to forge the battlegrounds of our lives with grace.

And so the boundaries and call of scriptural obedience in our lives provides training grounds and secure foundations for living the life God called us to live.

Throughout history, boundaries and fences and hedges are established for the protection of a land or home, the definition of it's realm and the measuring of it's place. When you remove fences and borders, all sorts of havoc reigns. Boundaries provide definition and security.

The key to living wisely is to know God’s word, to hear His voice through His word speaking to your heart as you walk with Him and then to obey.

In the weeks ahead, I will be writing a new series on Wisdom. It will be in the form of a Bible study each week, so that together we can focus on foundations of what wisdom means, the role it must play in our lives, and how to walk in the ways of wisdom.

A mature woman must learn how to discern the truth of the voices on the web, in books, on facebook, because not all voices are true and as with Eve, even beautiful voices can, like Satan's, destroy and lead to death. And if you are young in the Lord, or in life experience, you should wait to write about your convictions until you know they are sound, tried and true so that you can lead those who read your words to Him and show them seasoned wisdom.

We are warned over and over again, not to follow the ways of the world or walk in their paths. I pray this series will guide, encourage, give wisdom and help you build your resources of wisdom as you walk with God with those precious ones God has given to you as a stewardship.

Fences and gates and walls provide for life within and protect from dangers without. (Cambridge, England)

“They mingled with the nations, And learned their practices,

And served their idols, Which became a snare to them.” Psalm 106:33-36

Mingling with the voices of culture, and excusing our sin or habits of compromise will become a snare in our own lives. But those who seek God and walk in His ways will be secure.

What about you? Do you see the foolishness of believers in a world that is longing to find us wise and helpful? What do you think are the issues, problems, idols that are causing such compromise or harshness in contrast to the good ways of our God?

Now is the time to follow Him!

For further study:

1. Proverbs 16:16

"How much better to get wisdom than gold, and good judgment than silver!"

Where do you look for advice and wisdom? Is it a reliable source? Do you know the reality of the lives of the people you are following? Are they seasoned, wise, have lived a story worth following? What areas do you need to find discernment in regarding your philosophy of life, motherhood, marriage? How are you making God's word a priority every day? Plan it in your week.

2.  James 1:5

"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and [a]without reproach, and it will be given to him."

To hear God's voice requires time invested quietly with Him. How do you need to reorganize your priorities to make time each day to hear God's Word? What areas do you need to ask wisdom of God?

3. James 3:17 "But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere."

I especially love this verse. Pure. peace-loving, gentle, willing to yield--this is what the brother of Jesus said was a picture of wisdom. When we are trusting God, His fruit of wisdom will flow through the moments of our lives.

In what areas do you need to see wisdom grow? How are you growing in the qualities of wisdom mentioned above?

Make one area to focus on--to ask God to show you how to grow. I have really seen in my own life that when I read and ponder the character of Jesus, His ways, His love, His humility and the stories He told, it softens my heart and teaches me more how to live.

Bored, bored, bored! What to do? Tonight Join Sarah Mae and me!

"Bored! Bored! Bored!"

So, Sherlock Holmes said with his whole heart, as he pronounced how he felt about his mundane life!

(Made me laugh out loud! I like this man!)

Tonight is the last night all of us will be home together and what did we do? Watch a Sherlock Holmes.

I realize that not all of you are Sherlock fans, but with older children who love England, have lived there and love mysteries, Sherlock is a by-product. One of his recent episodes started out, "Bored! Bored! Bored!"

Tonight, Sarah Mae and I will be talking about just what to do when you are bored or feel like you will never live your dreams. Join us. Find out from her HERE what to do to join us--buy her book and share the evening.

All of us get restless. I can identify with Sherlock!Once in a while, this fog creeps upon me and makes me suddenly uproariously allergic to the mundane. It's as though I can't breathe! And I put my mind to thinking of escapes, adventures, fun things I can do to rest my spirit and to just have fun. You just can't live intensely and seriously all the time or you will explode!

So, I have been scheming  and designing a strategy for fun in my weeks ahead so that the work load and daily things don't overwhelm. And I would love to know, what is your favorite REAL thing to do when you get bored? It can't have facebook or reading online in the answer.

When my children were younger and I was about to explode, these are some of the things I would do:

1. Put them all in the car with a book on tape and take a ride into the mountains with a frozen yoghurt at the end of it.

2. Take everyone to a big bookstore like Barnes and Noble and get myself a cup of coffee--that only I sipped, while they explored.

3. Go to a local park and ask a family to meet us for a picnic lunch.

4. Go to Focus on the Family and let the kids explore while I just sat.

5. Find a French cafe for breakfast and ask a friend for time alone just for me. (Yes, I had to find someone to somehow stay with the kids, but I would trade with a friend at times and occasionally Clay could watch them for me on weekends.)

6. I keep a secret fund that I add to every month--like a savings account for Sally. And I have taken trips, bought something I wanted, gotten a massage, or gone to a movie all by myself!

7. I love outdoors, so I would take the kids to the national trails not to far from our home and hike and wear them out so they would take really long naps!

8. I love hot baths and salts in the bath and candles.

9. Ask Clay to plan to take the kids for a whole morning so I could sleep and stay in my jammies as long as I wanted and do whatever I wanted without any responsibility!

10. Clay married me when I had been adventuring all over Europe as a missionary. He has understood this from the beginning and even told me he knew it was in my blood and that we would save for it! I love planning places to go with my children and one other friend with her children. Even if it is to the museum an hour away, or a concert in the park, or a historical house nearby. I always kept places in mind. If the kids and I were ever about to explode in a day or every one was fussing. (lots of snowy days here!) I would just stop what we were doing, call this a field trip day, and jump in the car and get out---getting everyone out--often outside--sometimes quailed the nagging fussing little attitudes. Too many sinful people shut up in a house for too long can make for  very trying day--leaving home and deciding to play was a way we all made it. And still all of my kids have actually grown up and become responsible adults. I was just never afraid to have fun.

If I was bored in my home, I could be pretty sure they would also be bored. And so we worked hard and then when explosion was near, playing hard and having fun was much better than one more lecture or correction--and it made us all happier, too.

So, what do you do for fun when you are bored and about to explode!?

Find out what we do when we get lonely or bored!

Are you WITH your children actively or passively? No time to waste-they will fly away!

Saying goodbye to my sweet one at the airport.

"Mama, all I want to do is to be with you. Let's spend as much time together as possible," from Joy this holiday season, my always extraverted child who wanted to be going and doing when she was younger. But this holiday season, being together and being friends is what she longed for--the comfort of being with someone who knows you, validates you, loves you with all of your warts and takes time to listen.

Over and over again in the Gospels, we read that the disciples were "with" Jesus. Our Lord developed the hearts of his followers by spending time with them-instructing them, advising them, modeling right behavior. He spoke with them one-on-one and in small groups. He included them in his ministry and in his daily life. But what he almost never did with his disciples was to sign them up for activities and programs!

In contemporary society, we tend to value activity, and this is certainly true for most Christians I know. We don't want our children to miss out on anything. We take them to church on Sunday, to AWANA or some such Bible memory class,  and perhaps to a Sunday night meeting or youth meeting. We are on the go for God. We are busy doing may activities and going to this meeting and that seminar and one more lesson.

Church discipleship and meetings can be great. My own children benefitted greatly from Awana--but it was at home that they learned to believe the verses, to love the God they were studying, to take to heart what God was speaking because we were appealing to their heart through our daily love.

And I wonder how many minutes every day the average woman spends with her eyes glued on a screen, hoping someone else will have thought of her or validated her. I also wonder how many moments each day a mom looks into the eyes of her child to be present, to listen and to hear the unspoken hopes for a time alone with mom. How many opportunities do we miss to cultivate that friendship instead of just passing through the wasteland of busyness and distraction.

 All of the "going" in the world will not make us or our children spiritually deep and alive. It is only by coming to the living God and developing intimacy with him that we will really draw near in our hearts to Christ. What many in our culture don't understand, and many more forget, is that a relationship with Christ is best taught through a long-term personal relationship with someone who knows the Master, and reflects Him personally in all the moments of life--not through activities organized around lots of people in impersonal and distracting instructional situations.

Jesus didn't meet with his disciples once a week for Bible study and then say, "I'll see you next week!" or "I gave you your 15 minutes today."

He gave them his whole life. He lived with them, slept with them, traveled with them, and lived out a life of godly maturity before their eyes... In the same way, our children will learn righteousness best by seeing it lived out in every possible way in our lives, moment by moment, in the context of normal life. The first principle of reaching our children is that we have to make the time to be with them--so that when they grow up, they will want to be with us!

Desperate to Hopeful: You are always seen and always loved! A Giveaway!

Darkness enshrouded the room and an eyrie sweep of shadows danced on the ceiling as we felt our way to the heavy table. No light, only void filled the spaces ahead. There was no promise of what could be in front of us, just seeming emptiness prevailed as we inched our way towards the room where we were to celebrate life together.

No promise was evident. Quiet prevailed as we inched forward. Yet, one match ignited a lone candle and the shimmering light began to dispel the darkness that had been so formidable just seconds before.  From this candle, another was lit, and another, and before we knew it, light sparkled and wrapped itself around the darkest corners to uncover the treasures that lay before us that had been hidden from our eyes. Preparation had been planned and made in the light, and now treasures of color, evidence of the love with which our banquet had been prepared filled each space with the promise that light brings and the comfort that beauty speaks into our hearts.

And so it was, when the electricity had gone awry, we were left in the room, hoping to bring back the life of the prepared for celebration that our hostess had wrought. And so it was with our Christmas tradition at a friend's home this year.

So it is in our lives, we who walk in darkness need a great light to show us the way. Often, in my own life, the dark voices point their fingers:

At times, the burden of motherhood is heavy on our shoulders,  for so  many sweet mamas I talk to:

"I have failed. "

"I have disappointed."

" I can't go on."

"It doesn't even matter because all of my work is in vain."

"I don't feel love anymore."

"It doesn't matter. I don't matter."

Throughout the seasons of my life, there have been so many times--dark nights of my soul, when I truly was surrounded by so these dark thoughts and discouragement, I felt so alone, so helpless. Perhaps because I was taking on such high ideals, Biblical standards that were not popular at the time, alone, without those who had gone before, there was more spiritual battle, and with all you sweet mamas who are seeking to do your best.

Yet, I also see that scripture tells us that as we get closer to the time of Jesus coming back, times will be so much harder, each year, every decade, and so the darkness can at times seem formidable. Yet, you are not alone and there is  always hope!

"Nothing can separate you from God's love." Romans 8

"He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged."Isaiah 42:3

Jesus is the light-one--the one who sees the dark shadows that create the ache of loneliness that squeezes your heart so hard it hurts. He is familiar with your feeling that no one notices, that no one cares--that even God is disappointed in you and has somehow ceased to enlighten anymore. He sees and hears and has compassion. But, oh how He loves you and is on your side.

"Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!" Isaiah 49:15

He will never, ever forget you or give up on you!

THE KEY TO SURVIVING WITH GRACE AND LIVING IN HOPE IS COMMUNITY!

And yet, He desires that as he lights the tiny flame in our heart, that we join with others. As we combine our small light with theirs, to bring light into the life He has already prepared, the moments of generous blessing He has planned,  to show the treasures he has strewn along our paths, to manifest the plans, the pains he took to give us beauty on our journey.

"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." Hebrews 10: 25

From Genesis 1, we were made to have family---grandma's and granddads and uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, friends, community. We were supposed to,

"Bear each other's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

The wisest man who ever lived, Solomon, wrote, "Woe to the one who has no one to pick him up." Ecclesiastes 4:7, 

but he also goes on to say,

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecc. 4: 12

And so the defense that God designed so that we can have hope--is for us to have community, friends, people who understand, who will come along with us, wherever we are on the journey.

It has been a year since Sarah Mae and I released Desperate: Hope for the Mom who needs to Breathe.

We know that many of you find yourselves in this new year with feelings we have described above. We wrote this with you in mind because we know how you feel--we have been there many times.

Soooo, to celebrate our one year release, we thought we would each give away 8 books with the dvd's we made to one of you, so that you can start your own Desperate Group--gather some friends, or give the book to your friends and go through it on the phone, on facebook, across country, in your home, at a cafe. Just start your own inner circle, your own group of friends gathered around the same ideals, with support, with sympathy and the fun of growing friends together!

We want to encourage each and every one of you not to try to do motherhood alone. Isolation is the norm--and Satan is having a field day with us who are alone.

But there is strength in numbers--lets gather new friends, try a group one more time, focus on the hope that is in numbers.

It is why we host our Momheart conferences. (You can still join us! :)

It is why I write books! Blogs! I want you precious ones to know you have God's eye and blessing toward you and you are not alone!

So enter the rafflecopter to win 8 books for your friends and the dvd to go along with them for your group! Even if you have read the book, you can win and give them away!

Desperate is for those who love their children to the depths of their souls but who have also curled up under their covers, fighting back tears, and begging God for help. It's for those who have ever wondered what happened to all their ideals for what having children would be like. For those who have ever felt like all the "experts" have clearly never had a child like theirs. For those who have prayed for a mentor. For those who ever felt lost and alone in motherhood. a Rafflecopter giveaway