Patience at Easter: The Grace of Covering Over Sin

Our own little Easter Egg Tree

“For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” 

Psalm 103:14

April was abloom with tiny buds beginning to burst, daffodils pushing through the cold ground and all the promise of spring was pulsing through our home. Many years ago, on a Saturday before Easter found my girls and me, working together, preparing our traditional Easter feast. A dozen people would join us, so we bumped into each other, scurrying around the kitchen island, preparing sumptuous recipes that would feed a crowd. Joy, grasping for her own place in our kitchen as the youngest, had decided to make the special deviled eggs we had enjoyed as a family for many years. She had peeled 24 hard boiled eggs and then got a bright idea of how to make it easier, even though I had already explained to her the best way to fill the eggs.

She had good inclinations and she was attempting a new idea---(great attitude at the end of all of us working so hard), but her effort to stuff a flimsy, plastic sandwich bag with egg filling resulted in a mess everywhere–I have never seen so much egg yellow on the hands of any one individual! How in the world had she managed to fumble such an easy task, I thought, in my mama bad attitude irritation, neglecting how hard she had been trying. Of course, this situation struck at the end of a long afternoon of cooking and counseling another teen. My adrenalin was at an all-time low. She could surely sense how irritated I was.

The Lord poked my heart and suddenly gave me eyes to see this precious, young woman--my sweet little girl--in the throes of growing up. Insecurity and frustration flashed from her dark eyes as she watched me clean up her mess. Choosing how to respond and what I wanted to leave in her heart’s memory ran across my mind. After taking a couple of minutes to ponder what I was going to say, I took her to our den couch and gave her a cup of tea.

“Joyness,” (our nickname for her) “you have been so exceedingly helpful and thoughtful today. The table you set looks lovely; the groceries are all put away, and you have labored by my side for hours. I don’t know what I would do without your help. Many times I have baked bread and then burned it or grilled something outside that ends up tough as nails. Frustration temps me to rage inside sometimes, because I hate to waste time and ruin the food I have cooked. So, I know how you must feel when the bag kept breaking and the mess just poured out. I am so sorry if I offended you in any way. You are such a treasure to me and I know you were trying to do a good job. Thanks so much for all the ways you have helped me this week!”

Suddenly, a sheepish grin crossed her face. She climbed into my lap; long, gangly, teenage legs and all, and said, “I am so thankful that you always love me, mommy.” A kiss on the cheek … and she was gone.

Time and age has convinced me of my propensity to be selfish and immature. Consequently, my gratitude has grown immensely, knowing that I don’t have to perform for the Lord. He is mindful that I am but dust, and yet He still calls me His own special child. The amount of times He has had to bear with me, love me and give me grace has made me so much more apt to love and forgive and bear with my sweet, but immature children and husband and friends.

I know they will make mistakes and be selfish and sinful-- just like me!-- but I know that I can only please God and have peace in my own heart when I choose to love them back. And in practicing loving them, my own heart swells with more love, good thoughts and a generous heart.

This is how it works in my own life: Sometimes, I will have a critical thought toward Clay or the kids or a friend. If I foster the thought, it nurtures self-righteousness and resentment and anger. When I choose to look at the relationship with eyes of love, to take the thought or attitude captive, I can get perspective. This is a person dear to me, and we have history together. They have a personality that comes with many flaws as mine does. I am not primarily the focus of their lives, and they do not live to hurt my feelings!

I need to remember that love covers a multitude of sin. (Or I remember that this person is an immature toddler or exhausted baby or hormonal young woman or middle aged hormonal woman or somewhat immature, irrational, waiting-for-his-frontal-cortex-to-connect "teen" young man or a tired, worn-out husband who’s had too many days of work.) Then I remember how much I need grace in all of my own fragile times. I also remind myself that I will please my precious, patient Lord Jesus if I obediently act in love.

So, I cover the person with grace, say words of patience and kindness and then I am amazed that my feelings of love usually follow and the relationship improves rather than being broken. Good feelings often accompany obedience.

This is not a formula that always works--I am not looking for always having the right results--but it is a way of life, that practiced over many years, has turned my heart more towards loving, resting and accepting those valued relationships. In return, I find I am blessed in ample love that the Lord pours out into my heart. If I sow love, I will reap love. My love becomes a blessing to me in return.

We are all constantly confronted with a multitude of opportunities to choose to love or to choose to stir up strife. Loving on a consistent basis is a choice that becomes a habit and eventually changes our heart’s response. We all get frustrated sometimes with our children’s mistakes. The important thing is to correct our own bad reactions before we hurt their precious hearts!

Indeed, in the end, how we loved will be a measure of how we lived.

#OwnYourLifebook

And now, she is coming home and I simply cannot wait to be with her and squeeze her every moment. May not let her go back!

We do have a serious heart for worshipping our Lord through out the season, but then we totally celebrate his rising from the dead for restoration to Him. We  feast and play and have fun all day on Easter, celebrating His great victory over sin, death and condemnation.

One final fun little Easter tradition we practiced. Each year we find out how many will be in our home for Easter brunch, (this year we are going out!). For each adult, adult child or friend, young children, we buy a different color or size of plastic egg. Each person is given their own color or size (small green, large green). We plant the eggs all over hills and dales near our home and each one searches only for his color or size egg. That way we can hide the eggs for the littles in places they can find and for the adults, we placed them in more difficult places. Little ones had prizes or little candies-it is a holiday, afterall! And bigger ones may have gift cards, dark chocolate and more appropriate prizes. (Sometimes quarters or dimes and nickles or occasional eggs, dollar bills.)

May God give you grace today to love well and to walk on His pathway of love and grace.

***If you have the desire to go deeper today, take a few moments to complete the reflection and application below:

• “Love is patient, love it kind, it does not take into account a wrong suffered.” I Cor. 13: 4, 5 These words describe God, who tells us that He actually is love! Too often, it doesn’t describe me. Do patience and kindness come easily to you?

• “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another.” James 5: 16 Is it hard for you to apologize to your children when you’re wrong?

• “Above all, love each other deeply, for love covers a multitude of sin.” I Peter 4:8 How can you remind yourself to think of your child’s feelings before you react to their childishness and sin?

Motherhood is Shaping Souls and Hearts for Eternal Purposes

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The shaping of souls happens little by little by the values believed, love given and truth embodied in the home every day.

We cannot pass on what is not alive in our own hearts. How we cultivate our own souls, practice our own faith, live in obedience to God will be the source that feeds our own children. Their faith is fed by the integrity of our own lives.

Grow in grace today and your children will draw grace from your soul.

Holiness is not Law-keeping, but Love-keeping

Janis Rozentals

"Let the children come to me."

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. John 14:15

There is something in our flesh that wants to try to earn God's love.

We love to check off mental lists of what we have done for Him to be good little Christians. We measure ourselves by others who do not look as "Christian" or do as much as we do. We feel guilty when we misbehave and do something that makes us feel "bad" or sinful.

And sometimes the narrative we tell ourselves over and over again is, "God is probably disappointed with me."

"I haven't had enough quiet times."

"I have been lazy, or neglectful or idolatrous, or impatient, or critical, or wicked, or gossipy, or or or."

The truth is, because we could never be holy or perfect on our own, he had to save us. We could never attain to His standards. Never.

No matter how good you try to be, you are going to blow it, disappoint someone you love, somehow, some way, multiple times. And you are going to make some mistakes in judgment that have consequences--even the very best and most disciplined of you.

You are just never, ever going to be perfect or always good.

And so, "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

But, you say, holiness must exhibit an excellent life. Yes, I agree. But holiness, being willing to be set aside for God's purposes, to seek to follow His biblical ideas, to seek to be moral, to make Him known, to proclaim His kingdom and kingdom ways,  spills over into our behavior, from a loving heart.

When our  heart is so grateful to God for His gentle, humble mercy on all of us who are so likely to be selfish and sinful,

His redeeming grace that wipes our faults and sins away as though we have never sinned,

His affirmation of our worth, because He has adopted us,

Then,  out of deep appreciation, a well of humble gratefulness for his generosity, we have an overwhelming desire to obey Him, to please him, to serve Him.

It is significant to me that it was Peter, the wonderful, outspoken, imperfect, passionate lover of God, who so publicly failed, admonishes us to "Be Holy as I am holy."

Peter was not in any way telling us to perform holy deeds, but, to, from our hearts, be His, love His ways, serve Him wholeheartedly.

Peter also says, "But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;" I Peter 2: 9

When Jesus was asked what the most important law was, his response was, "You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart."

When one understands that it is God who created this beautiful place for us to live--the stars, the vast and powerful oceans, the thousands of flowers that bloom in the spring, the vibrant reds, oranges, yellows of dying leaves in the fall, then worship is a natural response. Praise for what is good.

Jesus said of the woman, weeping and washing his feet with her tears, "She who is forgiven much, loves much."

Why do we stay moral and pure in marriage? Because we know it pleases Him. He calls marriage sacred because it is a picture of our bridegroom Jesus loving and serving and committing himself to preparing us for the wedding feast. And so out of wanting to honor this sacred picture, we love and serve and give of ourselves generously to our marriage, so that our lives can reflect to others the beauty of committed, gracious love.

We serve our children and give up our own time to sacrifice for them, not out of works or duty, but because Jesus himself gave his love and blessing, even his life, to us, His children.

And he gave a definitive picture to us in his own journey amongst the crowds surrounding him, pushing, pulling in the path of ministry. When children ran up to embrace Jesus, to crawl into his lap, touch his beard,the disciples tried to turn them away as insignificant, not worthy of the "time" of the Master.

Jesus, winsomely, gently embraced, caressed the precious little ones and said, "Let the children come to me, of such is the kingdom of God."

We understand that God said children are a blessing and the fruit of the womb is a reward, and so we cherish them, and serve them as Jesus served His disciples, because we deeply revere Him, love Him and want to honor Him.

A holy life will reflect the character of Christ because it springs out of the heart whose life flows out from knowing Him.

And so excellence, sacrifice, hard work, loyalty, love, joy, peace, patience, will be the virtues that grow in and through our holy lives, but it will come from being connected to Him, the vine, the source of all goodness. Not a harsh, "I will gut it out sort of works oriented law-keeping," but a graceful, growing, developing character of grace as seen through the lives of Jesus's disciples.

God reminds us that holiness is His work.

We read in Hebrews, "For they (our parents) disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness."

God, as a good Father, is committed to slowly but surely, training us to become holy, like Him. But He does it through loving us, serving us, teaching us, calling us, providing for us. A lifetime of loving Him will produce a life that is holy.

Even in his last prayers, Jesus shows us how much He wants us to know His Father's love, "I pray that they may know the love with which you have loved me from the foundation of the world."

Love and holiness cannot be separated. Loving Him, will produce serving Him from a grateful heart and the process of holiness will overtake our character as we seek to know and love Him. Holiness spills out of an overflow of a heart in love with God.

The Back Story: What's a Mama to do? Prodigal Son Movie

 

"Mama, I think God wants me to invest my life in the entertainment industry and be an actor or something!"

After raising my "out of the box" son, having him push against me, knowing he was bigger than life since he was born, I knew I had some battles ahead.

"He who is faithful in small things, will be faithful in much," I quipped. You need to be faithful right where you are and we will pray about it and see if God opens doors for you." Buying a little time, I was sure his "dream" would go away.

But next, he won a talent competition, a small scholarship to New York Film Academy, moved to New York City, at 19, (with our blessing, I must say--he was faithful in small arenas, after all! But I was on my knees and the phone with him almost every day.) and then, "Mom and Dad, I want to move to Hollywood."

"Mama, what would it be like for an athlete to train his whole life and never get into the ring to compete?!"

"You trained us our whole life to live by faith, to believe in God's dreams for our lives, to work hard and to make an impact for the kingdom. That is what I am trying to do."

Here we go again! Boy oh boy, have I earned my gray hairs! And depended a lot on prayer and faith.

Nate moved to Hollywood, moved from temporary job to job, then began securing his own jobs doing extras work, joined a church, lived with 5 boys in a tiny apartment, and pushed all of my mom buttons.

I was sitting in my quiet time chair, praying my heart out, asking God to just get him a job that would pay his bills--please, God, provide for my son.

When you are a Christian in Hollywood, you have to say "no" to more opportunities than yes, if you maintain your boundaries as a believer.

As I was praying, he was praying, too. God impressed on his heart, "Write the kind of story that you think would bring light and my message to the screen."

"I wrote a screenplay and am getting some help with the editing and I think I will produce it into a movie," he told me in a phone call.  (From my son who has never been able to spell.)

"Where will you get the money for such a venture?"

"I will try to raise it."

And so he began, and as loyal parents, we prayed and tried to help him get the word out. He gathered a crew from amongst friends, most of whom did their work for free, asked Kevin Sorbo to play the father, and Kevin graciously said he would. Nathan and Rachael put out some messages to actors in Hollywood they did not even know.

"Want to have a credit in a film? Come be in a crowd scene, no pay, just a movie credit."

People showed up. Cafe owners volunteered their places to be filmed, for free! Lots of free footage in a park. A home of a friend for some scenes. Friends played parts, Nathan and Rachael played the main roles, (they came cheap! :)) and friends filmed it, all in 9 days, no make up, no costumes, just raw, lots of good heart and first time tries.

God has big plans for our little Davids when they face their giants by faith. After it was all finished, great friends on the editing crew made it look its best, and out of the blue, a distributor picked the film up!

Miracles--low budget, first timer, no previous experience at writing a script, producing, raising money, gathering a crew or assigning actors, taking a risk of faith, praying every day, shooting in the dark--and God showed up.

And that is part of the back story.

Now Nathan says, "I learned a lot, and hope I can even do better the next time. I already have a story in mind."

God gets all the glory for how far this work of faith has come. And Nathan's prayer? That somehow, someway, many prodigals will want to go home, and find the open arms of their loving heavenly Father.

Help us spread the word! Thanks for everyone who is so generously supporting this great movie. We appreciate you. a Rafflecopter giveaway

Releasing Confessions of a Prodigal Son and Great Giveaway!

"And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him." Luke 15:20

Surrounded by Pharisees and sinner, we read in Luke 15, Jesus told 3 stories to help those who were listening to understand the amazing love He had for those who were lost. This story shows Him, the Father, filled with love and compassion--he is hoping for the return of all of his children. Our God is the Father who would run to meet us and embrace us and kiss us and celebrate our hearts turning to Him. Simply amazing. Every time I read this story, it overwhelms me with the profound, humble, generous love of God.

Since the he was a wee child, cuddling next to me, my son, Nathan, has been the one who loved stories, he loved to watch, hear, read and act out stories. They spoke to his heart, inspired him, and gave him a picture of what a life of a hero looks like.

Nathan, as the prodigal, returning home.

"Mama, I want to be superman and change my world some day," he would say over and over again. Nathan has always wanted to change the world, just like the heroes he would read about in those stories. So it is no surprise that he is now trying to change the world by telling them.

Nathan my wonderful out of the box, ADHD, OCD, ODD, boy,  wrote, produced, and starred in a film called Confessions of a Prodigal Son, a modern day retelling of the story Jesus told.  I was sitting in my home in Colorado, praying that Nathan would find a job to pay his bills. But God had a much bigger challenge for him. During his quiet time, God whispered to Nathan's heart, "I want you to begin writing scripts that would reach teh hearts of others with my messages."

And so with a dream in his heart, no budget, Nathan wrote, raised money, secured actors, and produced Confessions of a Prodigal Son. His hope is that the powerful message will reach out to a broader world and offer a picture of God's redemption and a picture of his love and open arms to those willing to come home to Him.

Nathan stepped out in faith into a dark world with a desire to bring light and in this film to change lives.

It stars Nathan as the lead, opposite Kevin Sorbo as the Father (Hercules, God's Not Dead, Soul Surfer) and Rachael his then fiancee and now beautiful wife.

Today this amazing film comes out on DVD and digital and I so encourage you to watch this to support the story that so needs to be told.

Will you please help me spread the word of this movie and Nathan's story and share with your friends, and help me spread this movie as far as God will take it?

To celebrate the film's release, I am giving away 5 prize packs which include.

 - 1 DVD of the film

- 1 Music  cd inspired by the Motion Picture with popular Christian artists (Ellie Holcomb, Andrew Peterson, JJ Heller, a song by Nathan himself, and more)

- 1 Instrumental Soundtrack from the film composed by Joel Clarkson

 

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Enter now, and share this movie and it's message with all who need to remember God's power to tell amazing stories with our lives through his amazing grace, love, and redemption.

You may purchase your own copy, HERE!

We would so appreciate it if you could help us get this faith-based film in the hands of people all over the world! Thanks so much for your support, prayers and love!

--

Home: The Place where Heroes are Made.

 

All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:13-16

The eleventh chapter of Hebrews reminds us of the stories of men and women who lived in the warp and woof of the trials of life, but instead of giving in to the cultural norms of compromise, kept their eyes on heaven and lived exceptional lives because they made decisions to trust God in all the hard places. These are our Christian heroes--the ones who made the story of the Bible worth knowing, the men and women who set a pattern for us to follow.

Heroism starts with a heart shaped by a passion to love and serve God, through actions, stewardship, relationships and obedience.

A Hero  deals with his sin, pettiness on a regular, daily basis.

The heart of a hero takes instruction and believes in accountability and humbly works on his weaknesses.

The heart of a hero is in the habit of serving others as the self-realization of his duty to give as Jesus gave. And when a sacrifice of ultimate giving of courage or laying down life for another comes as a choice in the moment of his life, the hero has already been imagining this to be his service of worship to God--to obey, love, give, submit, fight the spiritual battles as they appear.

Heroism is learned at home from watching models of parents loving, giving, having courage, refusing to complain about hardship, confessing sin, asking for forgiveness, practicing having integrity from a proper appreciation of Jesus' righteousness.

When a family culture has no heroes to inspire, no models of integrity to capture their imaginations, the level of dignity, decency and nobility declines.

But when a mom or dad determines to live the most noble life possible, to be the most like Jesus in every situation, to choose to live righteously, the child's soul is planted with seeds of truth and nobility, the child's appetites grow from tasting goodness and excellence in the oxygen of his home, and the vision in the child's heart is to want to become the best person for Christ he can be, because this is the truth lived in his home.

That is how important the work of home is today, tomorrow and forever. What is lived and cherished and taught determines the future of any culture, family or individual.

May all of us capture a vision for being a hero committed to Christ's purposes every day until we see Him face to face.

You Can Find and Create Great Community!

 

Can you see it in their faces, in their mannerisms toward each other?  These women have found community.

(Photo from September 1918)

I think a movement is shaping up! Thrilled about it,  hardly defines the way I feel about the life I see happening around mom heart groups--new friends being made, groups being forged, hope being given, confidence being built as women step out to invite others into their homes and are finding inspiration as they share life together!

Sweet Jennie Nelson is heading up our groups and organizing women all over the world! We are partners in Mom Heart Ministries and I am soo grateful for the ways God is using her through our ministry. I think you should become a part of this movement! Her words ring so true to my own life! See what she says! Sally--(off writing my next book! )

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Sometimes, we feel so lonely that we cannot see that we are surrounded by other lonely people.  Someone must take the initiative.  It might be a smile, a friendly question or an invitation to attend an event together.  Sally often says that, “Every group I’ve ever been a part of, I’ve had to start myself.”  Her words were ringing loudly in my ears when I moved to Idaho where I did not know a soul.  Idaho?  Do people even live there?  They do indeed!  In order to find community for myself, I had to invite individuals into my life.

Whenever I met a friendly mother on a playground or at the grocery store or buying items on craigslist (!), with heart pounding and hands shaking, I would invite that woman to join me in reading through one of Sally’s books together.  After several attempts, one woman said that she’d join me!  That’s all it takes to start community: one other person.  You can meet together in a home while your children play around you, in a coffee shop, at a park.  It doesn’t matter.  All that matters is that you are friendly and welcoming and you keep the focus on Jesus in your conversations.

Reading through a book together gives your conversation focus and challenges you to think differently.  It stimulates your mind and engages your heart.  It gives you ideas and ideals to pursue in your daily life.  Currently, many groups are reading through Own Your Life together.  Women are maturing in their faith and in their mothering together.  Gradually, God may then bring other women to join you in this community that you built together, beginning with just one other person.

Gretchen Roberts' Group

Here is Gretchen Roberts' experience leading a Mom Heart Group in Wilmington, North Carolina.

"Our Mom Heart group began after a friend and I prayed throughout the summer. Our group meets once a month in the evening from 8-10 pm.  We share tea and goodies and then read aloud a chapter from one of Sally and Clay’s books, discuss it and pray together.  Reading aloud the chapter together has led to great discussion since the content is fresh on everyone’s mind.  It has also been a great reminder as moms for how wonderful it is for someone to read aloud to you, which is a gift we can give our children every day.  We created Mom Heart cards for moms to give to other moms they meet at the park, church, or sports activities to invite them to our gatherings.  Our heart is to truly give moms a refreshing time where they can come as they are, be encouraged, prayed for, listened to, and fed physically and spiritually.  God meets us there as we pray, read and seek to learn how to love our families."

Tea Party by Louis Moeller (1905)

Sally and Clay have provided many resources to make the process of facilitating a Mom Heart Group easier.  Most of their books include discussion questions at the end of each chapter or in the back.  The newest book, Taking Motherhood to Hearts, is a complete manual of WHAT makes a Mom Heart Group, HOW to start a group, and even WHO to invite.  It includes chapters on how to nurture a group once formed.  There are some planning forms included to make the process even simpler.  I highly recommend this resource to anyone who would like to lead a group and is nervous about taking the first step.  I also recommend it to women already leading a group that would like some fresh insight or ideas for nurturing their group.

Do you lead a Mom Heart Group?  We’d love to have you join our community on Facebook called “Mom Heart Groups.”  This is a place for you to find fellowship amongst other Mom Heart Group leaders.  It is also a place to post about your group so that lonely or unconnected women can find an existing community to join.  (Note: if you are not on FB and would like to find a group or let women know about your group, please ask a friend to post that information for you.  She can then leave the group anytime.)  There are also plans being made for other ways to connect leaders to one another.  We will let you know here when those come to fruition.  We are excited as over 600 women have joined us already and connections are actively being made all over the country and even the world!

I'd love to meet you there!

~Jennie Nelson

How Nurture Shapes Your Child's Future

God has kissed me by giving me some sweet friends who are kindred spirits, right where I am here in Colorado. About 10 years ago, 5 sweet young moms, all in full time ministry, came to me and asked if I would go through Mission of Motherhood with them in a mentoring group. Each of these women became very dear to me and have become heart-friends in the last ten years. Holly Pakiam, one of these moms, has become like a part of our family. She has 4 children and is a great researcher, and I love her encouragement to so many moms in her own arena. I wanted to share her blog with you today. (I think 60 year old's futures are shaped by nurture, too! So if anyone wants to nurture me, just feel free!:))

Holly writes at: awakeningwonderblog.com

Of course you love your children! 

Isn’t that why you take them to fun places, let them choose activities or sports, give them the best education you know of and buy them lovely clothes? All of us love our kids but sometime our best intentions fail to translate to our children’s’ minds and hearts. I’m continually asking myself as a mom,

Do my kids perceive the love I am trying to communicate?

Recently— in the late hours of the night— I have been reading over some research by Dr Stella Chess & Dr Alexander Thomas on the effects of nurture in the life of the child. In this study, they conclude that a child’s choices and adult outcome is largely determined by a combination of the home environment and personal traits of that specific child. It’s true: some children are more difficult to parent than others. Chess and Thomas describe nine temperaments observable in a newborn nursery that tend to stay with them as they grow, though these characteristics can change in the home environment. But the best news from the study is that the atmosphere a nurturing mother provides often contributes to a well-adapted child. Even in situations where mothers had difficult babies or toddlers, nurture was a huge factor in determining how the child ultimately adapted in society.

I’ll be honest: our children have been easier to nurture in some seasons, and more difficult in others. A couple of our kids were very difficult babies and it took digging into the depths of my heart and lots of prayer to give them all the nurturing they needed. And one of my more difficult babies is now a toddler. Her long bouts of crying as a baby have turned into lots of wonderful verbal and physical energy. (I would add that she also barely sleeps these days which equals one tired mama. I thought these days were over, but I guess I was wrong!) One of our children was an easy babies but now her quietness is challenging to interpret. I’m now asking the Lord for daily patience as I ask question after question to my sweet, quiet daughter who I long to know deeply.

If we hope to maintain continual relationship with our kids throughout their life, a bond of true unconditional love must be present during their foundational years. Without it, whatever activities, programs, discipline, ideas, relationships we present will likely not be received with openness.

Every child is different so finding a way to the heart of each child is a non-formulaic unique process. My oldest craves quality time. She cannot wait for the next opportunity to sit alone with me and just talk about all that is going on in her heart or to read a book together and discuss it. A listening ear and an empathetic spirit are what she needs most from me. And my five year old son will share his heart over activities he loves, like building legos, or during a pre-bedtime back scratching routine. Even if there is little conversation between us, connecting with him through the things he loves fills up his little heart. Discipline seems less necessary when I give him the individual time he needs. All of our kids crave individual time and as you might imagine can be challenging to achieve with four.

Each family has their own unique puzzle with unique personalities. Ask the Lord to show you how to connect with each of your children. I believe He will be faithful to meet you in your struggle, in your questions, and in the ever-changing seasons of a child’s heart. Ask Him to help you sense how to love your children well as you continue to build the relational foundation that will last your entire life.

After all, we will never stop being parents. Love well.

Encouragement for the Corporate Wife

So many women tell us at our conferences each year that they feel so alone. Many are battling difficulty or struggling in life circumstances and want to know they have a friend who understands them and that can support them, and can point them to remaining faithful and having integrity. I asked my sweet friend,  Kristen Kill to share today about being a wife and mother in New York City. Kristen lives in a tiny little apartment  and is living far from her family while her husband works long hours there. I think she has some great encouragement for those of you who feel alone--when your husband works all the time.

Perhaps you are single, or live bearing the burden of your family all by yourself.  Maybe your marriage is a struggle for you every day, and you keep hoping that what you are doing in your home is enough. There are working women who want to be at home full time, and working women who cannot leave their jobs. All of you have a unique puzzle, but God is with you and wants to work right where you are. I have asked several of my friends in different places in life to begin sharing their stories, so that you will know you are not alone in the burdens you bear. I hope you are blessed by what she has to share today.

From Kristen:

Hi friends over at Sally's! I'm so thankful that Sally asked me to share this post with you today. It recently appeared on my blog, Hope With Feathers and I was floored by the conversation it began in the hearts of women as they shared their loneliness, their fears, their struggles, and a bit about how they are each owning the puzzle God has given to them in their marriages. Sally and I both thought it would be beautiful to continue that conversation here with you all and I can't wait to hear your thoughts. This wife stuff looks different for each and every one of us. For me, in this season, I am in a small apartment striving to be creative and cultivate a writing life around the edges of my days homeschooling four children, while my husband pours out his life in the corporate world. I hope that whether your life looks like mine or perhaps nothing like it at all, that you know you are not alone. I hope you know that whatever season of being a wife you find yourself in today, that you know that your role is so meaningful and that it also holds such great hope. 

Encouragement for the Corporate Wife:

I would love nothing more than to invite you to sit across from me at our table. We'd sip wine, chat about what we've been reading, what we've been wrestling with, what excites us, and what funny antics our children have gotten up to lately.There is just nothing like sharing the table to knit hearts together.

It's like this in a family too, isn't it? The table is where we gather to share and experience community. It's where we are known and nourished. Books and blogs and experts all tell us that the table is the stability that our children need to be healthy and whole, that coming together is what ties heartstrings and builds character. When that time is missing, they tell us, the absence will be felt, a gap known and bleeding, the consequences evident throughout our children's lives and society.

So we mothers, we who long to cultivate life in our homes and desire children who look fondly on these years with us? We scurry to make our tables lovely and full and good. Entire magazines and blogs and networks revolve around supporting our efforts, and offer images of the comforts of our family seated round. Together we share how even in the mess of whatever season of motherhood we find ourselves in, it can all be beautiful.

But some of us skirt around the conversation. Have you noticed the ones staying silent? They are the ones left wondering if their ideals and reality will ever actually sit down together.  

Their dinners won't look like the ones they pine after or dream of because their puzzle looks different than the patterns strewn across the web. They ache to know they are doing enough and being enough and that somehow, the simplicity of the odd shaped table they set will be enough to nourish hearts.

I'm one of the silent ones.

I'm one of the moms questioning if I should mention that my husband won't likely walk through the door until seven, on a good day. I'm one of the ones who knows that seven is early, and rare, and a delight for us both. That I'm so grateful when he can kiss foreheads and sing lullabies and tickle little tummies before lights out. I'm one of the moms who desperately needs to be reminded that having a man who works hard and long is a grace and a gift, that even though dinner around my table won't look like the ideal family meal, it is enough. It is our portion. It is good.

I've questioned whether to talk about the unique challenges of being a corporate wife here because, well. . . because I suppose my man could quit his job. I suppose we could move to the country and change it all up. I suppose we could quit everything that we have been handed, and also happen to love, so that we could be around the table together every night. Some people might even say we should.

But when you are the wife of a man with a clear calling to the corporate world, when you see the way his eyes light up when he talks about his work, when he advances his field forward, when he leads and innovates . . . when you see his faith and work intersect and breathe life into his being and into our culture itself? Well, then you fight like mad to keep him there.

I know I haven't been silent alone. I know there are many of you who fit the same mold I do, and when there is a gift of a career for our spouse, it's easy to feel guilty about our own worry and our struggles. It's easier to stay quiet than risk being an archetype; to whisper that you fear a wonderful job that provides so much, might actually leave you feeling like you have so little. Because other people? They have real problems that break your heart, and leave you numb and shaken. It feels wrong to talk about being spread so thin in a house full of kids, when you know how very blessed you are, and when at the core, your puzzle is to figure out how to be ok with your man 'out there' doing something amazing that you are proud. It's hard to share that you're not sure you can hold down the fort.

And so we stay quiet, and it becomes more comfortable than speaking up and crashing into the ideals we feel like we aren't meeting. It's easier than admitting we're scared we'll miss the slow bleed if we don't carry on like the experts tell us we should: all of us, gathered around the table. But being a corporate wife, or an odd shift wife, a med-school wife, or a military wife, is making peace with our questions and doubts and puzzles. And not just at dinner time.

It's the soccer practice and the ballet lesson, while we help with homework and rinse hair gently in the bathtub. It's the witching hour when you just aren't sure if you can pull it all together to shine joy to your children in the final hours of their day because you are just. . . you. And you are so tired.

It's the aching need for a nanny or a housekeeper to make the logistics of your day not come undone. It's finding a good one, and crying sobs unexpectedly when she knocks on the door, as you realize, right in that moment, how much you really did need her, and how thankful you are that she is there in the flesh to be on your team. It's the prayers prayed as the only grown up at the table, and the conscious effort to throw resentment and discontent across the room. The thieves that want to slither in and steal the beauty of who and what you've got sitting there have to be ousted daily.

It's the knowing that when your husband walks through the door, his arrival is not the bell that dings for you to have a break, but rather the second shift beginning. One of nurture and care and the keeping and feeding of this man who has missed you and your children all day long, something fierce. It's the loving of the husband who needs to exhale and be at home in your home. It's the guarding of the calendar and even of your own heart, so that you can hedge support and prayer and safety for him.

It's seeing the sacred in being a wife. In being a comfort, in being a safe place. It's catching a glimpse of what is true- that maybe this is what you were made for, as your form feels full and real. Not weighted down but lightened up, dancing and swaying to the rhythm of being a help.

It's coming to know that your table will never fit in a box, but also that what you pour out and gather in is just too big to fit, and knowing that family life can take a million little ways to get to beautiful. Whatever way you're walking on today? I pray you know you are not alone. You.are.not.alone. I pray you see the beauty in the way you shape your days and innovate your hours. I pray you know that there is One who covers over every ideal with his very self. He takes what feels lacking and makes it enough. He's known for taking meager offerings and displaying wonder and he'll do it again right where you feel weak today. I pray you know there is beauty in the life you are making. There are no cracks that he can not seal as he holds you in grace.

I'm cheering for you today.

Kindness: The Power to Give Hope

"And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward."

Matthew 10: 42

Weariness... of a husband with a ruptured disc and always in pain.

3 Teenagers amidst hormones and anxt

Selling a home in one state and moving to another with not quite enough money to get the place we felt we needed

Trying to give my youngest daughter and innocent, focussed childhood amidst the bigger issues that consumed our lives with teenagers

Feeding everyone every day, being responsible for their well-being, health, emotional life, spiritual life, sense of well-being

All this found me depleted and discouraged.

Clay was holding down the fort in Tennessee with me looking for houses to rent or buy in Colorado. Our other house had sold and I had 2 days to find a place for us to live. Lack of sleep from worry and fear and pressures of life left me exhausted.

Staying with a friend, I tiptoed downstairs early in the morning to be sure not to awaken anyone.

There, on a little table in her breakfast area was a beautiful table, a wisps of a flower in a small drinking glasses, two tea cups, 2 empty stemmed juice glasses, a slice of fresh apple bread and a card that said, "I just wanted you to know you are precious to the Lord. He sees you, loves you and He will provide your needs. And I am here today to be your friend, to help in any way I can. Be encouraged, you are not alone."

Tears began to flow. It had been so very long since someone had thought of me--to encourage me, to think of me. I did not even know how depleted I was until this act of kindness opened the floodgates of my heart, and the realization that I felt so alone in life.

One little act of kindness gave me the energy I needed to trust God that day, to keep going, to have hope. That day, that moment, hope began to fill my heart.

I looked up the definition of kindness in the dictionary:

Kindness: benevolence, humanity, generosity, charity, sympathy,compassion, tenderness, good will

Jesus was so very kind to us. He, the one who took children into His arms amidst busyness to bless them.

He who touched the prostitute and with his touch said, "You are precious."

He who touched the leper and said, "You are not repulsive."

He who saw the hungry who followed Him and fed them with fish and loaves of bread before they would go home.

He who prepared the room, the passover meal and washed 120 man toes to show what servant love looked like.

Then, quietly, He went to the cross, to redeem us, to save us back to our forever loving Father.

And so, because we are His children, we have the ability to give kindness back--to those who long for a personal touch, but may not even know how empty they are.

 Today, each of has a choice–will we take time to celebrate the joys that God has provided? the beauty that He wants us to explore? The sweetness of intimacy that comes from investing heart time with those we love.

Take time to experience His pleasure. Remember:

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

The chores and responsibilities will always be there, but the time to invest in the ones we love,

But someone in your wake is longing for kindness, wishing to be noticed.

to look them in the eye,

to scribble a few words of "I appreciate you because,"

A cup of cold drink to a thirsty heart longing for attention,

A "How are you today?" to a clerk in a store,

A cup of tea with a neighbor,

to give an unexpected cheek kiss,

to laugh at the craziness of moments–

it will all be too soon gone.

Today, own the moments of your life that you have been given–take them and celebrate them, because today will never come again. -Sally Clarkson