Forgiveness: The Invisible String That Knits Hearts Together 24 Family Ways #8

Way  # 8 We forgive one another, covering an offense with love when wronged or hurt.

Memory Verse: Colossians 1:13

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

While visiting overseas, I cherished time with a friend from my missionary years. Tears streaming down her face, my friend said, "I can't seem to let go of all the things my "supposed" friend  did to hurt me. She told lies about me, manipulated me."

"I was so gullible because she quoted Bible verses and acted like she was a strong Christian.  I have tried to forgive her, but my bitterness against her takes up so much brain space. I just can't seem to get over all the ways she hurt me. I rehearse it over and over again in my mind."

Christians disappointing Christians common in this day and time. So often, I find more and more people in my life who have been emotionally injured by those who call themselves "Christians" but do not live by biblical principles. A woman whose husband is addicted to pornography; or has had an affair; a parent or relative who has been abusive; a friend who has rejected; kids who have rejected or harmed our children, a pastor or leader who has fallen to immorality and the list goes on and on. This a picture of our broken world and the fallenness of people.

All of us will be offended by many people in our life-time. And, all of us" make mistakes and act in immature ways. We lose our temper. We are selfish and want the "best or biggest piece of cake. We become angry over petty issues. We break someone else's toy, so to speak.

No matter how hard any of us try, we will always always be flawed and eventually fall short of someone's expectations and disappoint those who love us. Or we will be sorely disappointed by many people.

Unless we learn to give these wounds into the file drawer of heaven, to allow Christ to take these burdens of heart for us, we will be overwhelmed by a shadow of bitterness, anger or disappointment.

That is why forgiveness is so very essential to the message of Christ.

We should learn to be those who love the best, because we are those who give the most grace, and have been given the most grace. As we love Christ, He leads us to give grace and forgiveness.

In a world where culture gives us every kind of excuse to divorce, to abandon, to hold a grudge, to become a victim of a difficult life, to gossip, to criticize, the practice of forgiveness stands out like a beacon of light for a defense of Christianity. 

It is not logical to forgive someone who has offended us, but it is supernatural--it can only come from walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, forgiveness and humility was a topic constantly on the heart of Jesus.

Peter wanted to quantify forgiveness, like we all desire to do! He was willing to be noble and forgive someone, but after all, he thought there surely must be a limit! Perhaps 7 is the number we should forgive, Lord? He asked with a self-justifying heart.

No, Jesus said. 70 times 7--in other words, you must forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, .........

Forgiving another person who has hurt us, damaged our reputation, acted in a vindictive way, who has continually been mean spirited or abused us in some way, is one of the most difficult practices to exercise. All of us have been deeply hurt. It is natural to want to take revenge, or even to justify our own position and way of looking at an offense to justify lack of forgiveness.

Yet, it is the way of Jesus--the supernatural way of the Spirit in our lives to extend forgiveness and unconditional love.

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," we read in Romans 8.

Truth is, Christ died for hostile people--while they were rebelling and acting out in utter selfishness, He gave his life to save them. Radical faith asks us to do the same.

He who knew no sin became sin on our behalf. II Cor. 5:21

To truly understand Jesus, to worship Him from a grateful heart, requires that we learn to forgive as He has forgiven us. Sometimes we feel "just" anger. Anger is an emotion that God gave to us to feel the pain of wrong relationships. However, healing comes when we bow our knee and our will to actually forgive someone. To learn to expect nothing in return is not natural but supernatural--divine Holy Spirit power working through our weak selves. 

Jesus said that if someone hit us, we should offer him the other cheek. He told stories about forgiveness--the judge who forgave a very large debt of a man, who was not willing to forgive another man a small debt owed him.

In II Timothy 2:24, Paul admonished us:

"The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged."

If we want our children, our friends, to consider marriage sacred then we must behave as though it is sacred and forgive one another when wronged. Same with family members, neighbors, fellow believers in church, parents, everyone.

Forgiveness is the essence of God's heart. It compelled Him to die for us.

So, if we want to give our children a secret to living a life of love, we must teach them this Family Way. If we want our children to be godly leaders in this world, they must see self-sacrificing, humble forgiveness in and through our words, our lives and our actions.

One of the most important values I have come to understand from being a mama, is that when I take responsibility for the shaping of my children's hearts, to teach them truth, I have had to become more godly in order to teach them these life-changing truths.

Practical Help:

1. When your children offend someone, lead them to write a note or verbally admit their offense and ask for forgiveness of the one they offended. Teach them to pray with their siblings and to ask God to restore their relationship and forgive. This one habit will prepare them to be better parents and spouses.

2. When you are unjust to your children, spouse, friend, humble yourself, admit what you have done and ask for forgiveness. Pray with them. God's grace brings healing.

3. When bitterness or deep wounding swirls in your heart, get help. Ask a trusted friend to be accountable to you and to love you and help you heal. Get counseling. We all need others who help us feel understood and who can help us move forward in healing. (I have a friend who is older and more mature and sympathizes with my wounds, but always leads me back to Him. I couldn't do without love and friendship in managing the deep wounds our family has received over the years in ministry.)

4. Help your children understand that wounding others and being surrounded with broken people is a part of the battle raging in this world from being separated from God. Help them to learn relational skills so that they will not be overcome when they experience others whom they will confront who are not healthy or safe people. But teach them to forgive, to extend love as a part of learning to be filled with God's spirit and to always move relationships towards health when it is possible.

5. Teach them to go to God when people do not respond in a healthy way. To understand His kind, merciful heart and to know that Jesus who, "endured the cross" and "despised the shame" is a God who is acquainted with grief and will show them His compassion. And help them to understand that healing takes time.

6. Model healthy, strong, loving relationships to others. Help your children be healthy and loving so that they will not wound people, or be consumed by self-centeredness but instead work out of a heart that has practiced love.

Forgiveness is not always easy. As I mentioned, I have had to learn to intentionally put my heart-breaks into the file drawer of heaven and ask God to take my burdens that are too much for me. I mentally leave my burdens there and by faith seek to let Him work in my heart over a period of time.

Forgiveness is a testimony to the world that believers are a different sort--our love goes beyond bounds of our flesh. His grace through us speaks of His reality.

And so, as we approach this week's way, let us understand that helping our children practice forgiveness over and over again, will establish a pattern in their hearts to remember when they must make this choice as adults. Train up a child in the way he should go--in forgiving 70 X 70 X70 and so on, and forgiveness will become a part of his paradigm for life. If we all loved this way and forgave, the world would indeed become a place open to the heart and message of Christ.

Memory Verse: Colossians 3: 13 (and I included 12--as it was so very instructive to all of us! (and to me!)

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

And so today, as you take this into your own heart, remember, that without forgiveness as a way of life in your home, your words about the death of Jesus and His sacrifice may become hollow, if forgiveness is not the rule of your own heart and home.

May God give each of us grace to become stronger and stronger at forgiving and extending love more every day. I think I will perfect this when I am 75! But at least I am working on it!

Join me as we study Our 24 Family Ways this summer!

Conflict without, Comfort within

Arm in arm, my sweet one and I, walked our familiar evening path sharing hearts and finding solace in our companionship amidst the beauty of one more flurry of pinks and golds as the sun settled in for the night. We knew we were not alone. God walked with us and smiled at us through His clouds and presence in our friendship.

As we turned the corner of our last way home, the moon spoke to us once again of His companionship as we breathed in the comfort of friendship.

Upon returning home, we lingered in the moonlight on our front porch, rocking gently as we talked more of life. Eventually, 5 of us mingled on the porch in the twilight. Comfort, belonging, peace, security, stability is what is felt in the walls of our home. We belong to each other. We know a comfort amongst our trials, our joys, our doubts and our anger. We have a place to go where life finds a safe harbor inside our walls.

As I glance through the pathways of our story, there are many trials and obstacles along the way--car wrecks, cancer, deaths, births, illnesses, financial problems, church splits, relationships coming to an end, new ones beginning. Our world is a battlefield against small conflicts, difficult circumstances and big evils that abound. Yet, by His grace, we have come to know that we have a harbor in our storms, and our family's mutual love has wrapped us further in the bonds of rest that comes from being loyal, strong, devoted and present with one another through each day, each year, each conflict.

God designed us to be "home" makers, to have foundations from which to live life.

At my age, in spite of fear that life storms would overwhelm, I have lived to see the fingerprints of God all over our days. His goodness has followed us through all of our seasons. Because He has been our hope in every storm, and we have cherished Him together, we have found that, as David said, "Surely His goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord, forever."

Some storms have gathered in our lives in the past few months. Yet, now, honestly, one of the joys of my mother heart has been to watch my children walking in faith, and faithfully through unanticipated trials, seeking God's goodness, living together in the harmony of family love. Adults making their own choices to trust God, to learn and grow, to strain towards His righteous ways.

Gathering and rallying together, once again with each other,  around the certainty that we are a blessed family because we have the solace of constant family love and the promise of God's comfort, wisdom and provision once again. We are all quirky, varied in personality, our own mess, of sorts. Yet, a wholeness from belonging to each other.

All the devotions, all the cherishing of His word together, all the training is now reflected in their lives. I have watched my boys become strong, constant men, heroes in their generation--at least in the eyes of God, as they  choose to live faithfully in soul, steadfast in commitments, and heart integrity of life, seeking to grow, learn, and act in noble ways, even when others in their lives have not chosen the same path.

My girls are straining towards spiritual strength and wisdom and learning to give, to serve, to love well, while cherishing moral excellence, amidst a world that is dark and compromising. The seeds of faith planted have taken root and grown.

The battles rage. Yet, we have lived long enough to understand that there is an invisible power living in our home that keeps us, holds us, and companions us we we walk these roads with Him.

I am not diminishing the sadness, fear, anger or depression that comes with the trials of life. But, I have such peace in my heart, because these pathways are familiar, and we have learned to trust in the one who leads us beside still waters and restores our souls. We have learned to wait as see that, "I am young and now I am old, and I have never seen the righteous forsaken." David

Such is the incredible value of a godly home, where He restores our souls, provides our needs, keeps us safe, and gives us strength for each day.

Building home, family faith and strength takes years of walking together amidst the story God has chosen for us to live. But with each day, month, year, we are so deeply grateful that we do not live it alone, but we share the days in a mutual calling and a shared fellowship that will abide through all of our days.

Peace be yours today. The Lord is with us and with you. May He companion you in the midst of your days.

What Pours Out From the Depths of Your Heart? 24 Family Ways #7

Our 24 Family Ways #7

We encourage one another, using only words that build up and bless others.

Memory Verse Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

When you are taxed by your children, your friends, your husband, what flows out from the depths of your heart? Whatever you have cherished inside is what will flow out. When you are squeezed you will spill out what is in your heart. So it is essential to understand, what you are pouring in will surely spill out in your words, your eyes, your attitudes, your actions. Filling the inside of our souls with beauty, goodness, humility, faith and love of Christ must be intentional so that there will be substance of his life to spill over to others.

Proverbs warns us to guard our heart. "Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flow the well spring of life." Proverbs 4: 23

Jesus said that it is not the outside--the performance for others, the attempt to do righteous works, that determines what a man or woman is like. It is possible to fool others because of our behavior. But it is never possible to fool God. He sees what we are like on the inside,

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Heart cleaning leaves us empty for heart-filling. Pouring in is something I must do on a regular basis, so that my heart is light, pure, filled with joy and love. This does not just happen accidentally. And of course, eventually, all of our children sniff hypocrisy pretty quickly--and by the time they are teens, they are fully aware of what our heart is revealing through time.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." Matt. 23: 27

I have had a number of sweet women in my home the past several weeks. Usually, the questions flow, "What did you do to cultivate godliness in your children? Exactly what did your daily schedule look like? What books did you read to them? How did you deal with their bad attitudes?"

But the beginning point of a mama spreading inspiration and faith starts with her cultivating her own heart. If she is reading scripture, pondering the heart of Christ, worshipping him and following His ways, then her children will draw the love and sweetness of Christ from her every day.

If a mama is engaging her mind in great books and growing and learning new ideas and stretching her own intellect, then her children will also be drawing from the interesting thoughts in which she has invested her mind.

If a mama is developing her character and taking small steps to become more self-disciplined, more of a servant leader, more patient, more generous with life-giving words, because of her obedience to Christ, then her children's souls will be sprinkled with the strength of her obedience.

If she engages herself in meeting the needs of others and reaches out with the redeeming message of Christ, her children will learn not just to hear words of the gospel, but to learn what it looks like to live the gospel.

A mom is a mentor--a coach in all things excellent in life. If she is not growing in excellence, she cannot pass on to her children what she herself has.

Don't worry so much about the right rules, the best formula, what are the right books to buy. Be concerned instead, for your soul--what are you planting there? What are you watering in the depths of your heart attitudes? Whatever you water will grow. Nothing in your heart will be long hidden--as all things hidden eventually will come to the fore.

So the starting point of your influence is the state of your own heart, mind and soul. If there is purity, wisdom, strength, faith, love and righteousness there, then when you pour out your life, those around you will be blessed indeed.

No money, things, training and activities can replace the importance of Children finding the very essence of Christ spilling out in our lives, and in our words, from what we have carefully taken the time to place there inside.

Join me all summer as we study Our 24 Family Ways together. So glad you are here.

OWN YOUR WORDS! OWN YOUR LIFE! OWN YOUR LEGACY OF HEART.

OWN YOUR LIFE BOOK.

(THANKS FOR ALL THE LETTERS ABOUT OWN YOUR LIFE AND THE DISCUSSION OF THE 24 WAYS. I WILL HAVE A WEBCAST OR SERIES ON THIS SOON, MAYBE THE FALL, IF IT WORKS OUT. I WISH I COULD ANSWER ALL THE LETTERS, TRULY!  BUT AM SMACK DAB IN THE MIDST OF BEING PRESENT WITH MY SWEET FAMILY THIS SUMMER, BUT I SO APPRECIATE HEARING FROM YOU. IT BLESSES AND BLESSES MY HEART. GRACE AND PEACE TO YOUR DAYS. )

Serving Children, Adults, to Teach Them to Serve Way #6

Way # 6 of Our 24 Family Ways

"We serve one another, humbly thinking of the needs of others first."

Memory verse

"And whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all, 'For even as he son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many."

Mark 10:44o-45

The smell of coffee brewing, warm cinnamon bread coming out of the oven was one of the ways I would bribe my children to crawl out of bed on Sunday mornings early enough to get ready for church. Often, I would lay the Bible out by Clay's plate with a favorite verse I had been reading, in case he had not had enough time to pick a chapter out ahead of time.

Especially when my children grew older and activities, jobs and trips interrupted our previously predictable schedules that they had know as little children, I felt it important to gather all of us around the family table to invest once again in each other.  Sunday morning feasts were my way of gathering us every Sunday to catch up on all that was happening in our lives. Our church didn't start until 11, so we usually had plenty of time to eat a leisurely breakfast together.

From French toast to apple-pecan pancakes, scrambled cheese eggs to cinnamon rolls, breakfasts on this day were always a pleasure we enjoyed. A couple of months before now, after a very active, tiring, but fun week with Joy home from college, I planned to arise to make a fun breakfast before we took her to the airport to fly back to school.

Much to my surprise, when I came downstairs, the table was set, and a pot of fresh tea was steeping that she had made to bring up to me in bed, and French toast from my homemade bread was sizzling and browning on our electric skillet.

"I just wanted to serve everyone one last meal before I took off to tell them I loved them. This has been such a fun week at home, I wanted everyone to know how much I loved being here and spending special time together."

There is almost nothing that means more to me than someone else cooking for me and setting the table or washing the dishes! I was deeply grateful. Even more, though, it has been fun for me to see my children serve each other as a part of their own inner integrity--a grid that they have owned that they are people who God has called to serve, help and meet the needs of others. What a treat to be served by my own sweet Joy!

Serving has also opened up doors for ministry for me with women. To have someone serve you a cup of tea with candles lit and flowers in a vase opens hearts. I had 8 women over once a month for lunch at my house for a year. Now, we have been serving at my conferences all over the US and in our intensives together for almost 9 years. I serve them, we serve the Lord together.

Serving others helps children to learn how to think of someone other than themselves. Often, serving others softens their heart, comforts them in times of need, and obviously makes their loads in life easier. Serving is a skill and character quality that is so easy to spot because it is so rare in adults today.

Many moms say, "If someone would just take care of my children once in a while, I would be soooo grateful just to have a break."

How relieved many of us would have been if someone had just taken our children and engaged them in play for even one evening! What a service that would be to a weary mama.

If a child grows up serving, it will come as a more natural part of giving their whole lives day by day.

From making, " I love you," cards to plates of cookies for neighbors, cleaning a child's room, making a special sick tray when a child was in bed, serving meals at the homeless shelter, and so many more ways, helped our children to learn to give of their time and effort to ease someone else's life.

Occasionally grumbling, or dragging their feet accompanied the training exercise of serving others. None of us is naturally unselfish.  But often, it created a positive sense of self-worth in our children as adults would thank them or people would be pleased with their efforts.

I actually think that serving as a way of life at our many national parenting and mom's conferences over the years, in some ways tied my children's heart to Christ's heart of giving his own life, because all of the kids have verbalized how much of a role conferences have played in shaping their faith.

Jesus called his disciples to serve along beside him and in this practice, they began to perceive themselves as leaders.

This week, engage your family and even young children in thinking how they might help or serve someone in need. You will probably be surprised at how much they will enjoy being a part of something that makes them feel rather important. The earlier you start, the better, as it will become a part of the fabric of their lives!

Serve away!

Join me all summer long to study Our 24 Family Ways together!

A Surprise, a Whole Lot of Fun--and a Webinar w/ Me and Sarah Mae!

Bubbling over with a smile in my heart is how I feel when I get a certain call. When my phone rings, and I answer and start engaging actively in conversation, obviously having a great time and giggling, my children riding in the car with me say, "Oh, Mom, it's Sarah Mae, isn't it?"

Sarah Mae is such a kindred spirit of mine and truly a close friend. I love that God brought us together as friends and co-conspirators in projects and ideals. What a gift to have a friend who "gets" you.

Today Sarah Mae launched her website for her new book, Longing for Paris: One Woman's Search for Joy, Beauty, and Adventure...Right Where She Is, and when you pre-order a copy of the book, you get access to a webinar we're doing on longings and how we can fill our souls right where we are. 

Remember, the only way you can have access to the Webinar is to pre-order her new book. We all live between our ideals and dreams and the reality of every day. I know you will enjoy the webcast and love the book.

Go to Sarah Mae's blog to read all about it!

Have Your Own Retreat this Summer! I had mine: Mom Heart Intensive Reunion

A few years ago, I thought how much I needed to have friends and older moms to encourage me through the difficult times of my years in marriage, ministry and as a mother, but I was pretty alone most of the way. I imagined how I would like to bring women from all over the world into my home to inspire, serve, love, share in life together and then send them back out to do the same in their own cities. I put my plan to action and dream became reality.

Maybe you could have a mini-retreat this summer with your friends. (At a park, your home, a church, a cafe mini-retreat, a hotel lobby--just some time to get away and be with friends--intentionally!) Make a memory that feeds your soul.

I so love these precious ones. Our hearts have been knit together by our common love for God, Biblical ideals and commitment to making the effort to get together. Here is what my friends thought!

My friends were asking yesterday, "How was it?"  I didn't know what to say to sum in all up: encouraging, inspiring, relaxing, a lot to process.  Now I think the best word to describe the Intensive for me is RENEWED.  I have renewed enthusiasm to love God, live for His Kingdom, and serve others, in my family and my community.  Being reminded of my position in God's family and the call to be "all in" refreshed and revived my soul as much as the meals, hotel beds, and chocolate did my body, not to mention the relief of sweet fellowship with other like-minded women! -Heather Ashe, Pennsylvania

My leadership team who has been working with me for 8 years! Couldn't do without each other.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing”  1Thess. 5:11 This was a weekend of true encouragement, not the kind that says “work harder, do more, and feel guilty if you don’t” but also not the kind that says “take it easy, you’re doing better than most so pat yourself on the back and relax”.  Sally has a message of seeking a biblical balance, living a sustainable life of wholeheartedly pouring ourselves out in service to God and others, while seeking ways to refill our own souls.  I came home abundantly encouraged!- Audry Tyrrell

There is nothing quite so sweet as a table prepared, a friend ready to greet you and give a warm hug and hearts ready to be spilled over into your life and absorb yours as well. The Mom Heart Intensive met me with all of these things, and more: much needed refreshment and incomparable nurture, challenging teaching and time to steal away with Jesus and re-commit my life to all he has called me to. I am so thankful and forever changed." -Kristen Kill, www.hopewithfeathers.com, New York City

We cook, decorate, plan, pray and work hard to make it a weekend to serve these sweet ones.

"This past weekend was amazing.  I experienced so many things.  One of my fears was taken away as it was my first time to Pray out loud in a small group.  I always have prayers for others but let the fair take over me, so I couldn't say the words out loud.  God filled me with GRACE.  As we prayed over one another the tears just came knowing everything that each one of us are going through.  Not all tears were from sadness they were from the words I was hearing each one of us speak over the other.  It was amazing.The time listening to Sally speak, her stories, wisdom, prayers, comforting words, and sharing was truly amazing.  It was words I needed to hear, prayers I needed, wisdom I needed, and words to comfort me.  The work she has done is amazing and I hope other mom's will find her like I have.  I am ready to share with so many others as I know we all can use encouragement. I know so many women who are broken.  I want to reach out and not let any fair hold me back." - Kathy Hahn, Indiana

Meals together for the best conversation and fun and a gift at every meal.

Unity & grace. These are words that come to the forefront of my mind when I reflect on the weekend I was privileged to be a part of at the Mom Heart Intensive. From the deepest part of my heart, I have never in my life experienced the kind of rich unity that I felt at the Mom Heart Intensive. Very quickly I learned that, though I had never met most of the women prior to the retreat, these truly are “my people.” There is something so intensely moving to sit and be trained by sweet Sally among women who share the same vision and conviction for embracing motherhood, raising their children with love & purpose, leaving a gospel legacy, saturating our families with grace, and taking that message to women around the world. My life was changed by this experience.  - Jessica Fordice, Beaverton, OR

"Sally Clarkson's Mom Heart Intensive 2015 was a time of refreshing, refueling, and renewing my focus in God's purpose for our family. I will forever be grateful for Sally's hospitality, love for mothers, and generous outpouring of wisdom. Her God-given message has been used by God to transform how I view my role as a wife/mother. Her grace-filled words have challenged me this weekend to look at the land God's given me and ask the question, "how can I bring beauty, truth, and goodness into my life?" If you've never attended one of Sally's Intensive, make it a point to get to the next one. How you view life will forever be impacted by her kingdom message!" -Darlene Collazo, Penn.

This weekend, I was in the presence of like-minded women who love the Lord and

are searching for His beauty in their lives. Sally Clarkson willingly poured her heart and

soul into each of us, giving us the opportunity to breathe deeply of God's goodness.

We were able to reflect on what God would have each of us to do in our mom hearts to disciple this generation. I came away rested and restored in Christ ready to serve Him, my family, and my community of moms. -Tami Cooke, Texas

"Spending several days with inspiring faithful women brought deep joy to my soul.  I am full of gratitude for the time these precious Mom Heart Leader moms spent sharing with me, encouraging, praying, dreaming, and challenging me.  Staying connected in community with other mothers is so important in our ministry as moms.  It is so much more than a coffee break with friends.  These moms see their lives as a ministry, a pouring out of all that God has placed in their heart.  If you are feeling alone or isolated in your life as a mom, I encourage you to look for a Mom Heart group in your area.  You can find and connect with groups through the Mom Heart facebook page or momheart.com .  If you don’t see a group in your area, pray about starting one and begin readingTaking Motherhood to Hearts." -Gretchen Roberts, North Carolina

Loving Hands, Flaming Hearts, Glowing Spirits and Tender Smiles filled the faces of the mamas assembled last week in Monument, Co.  How tender it was to be together, learning to grow as women and leaders for Jesus in the company of such kindred spirits.  During our days together we recalled the Old Days when we first met and relished in how far the Lord had brought us through the ensuring years.  I'm so very grateful that we met for our reunion.  I've come away inspired and ready to serve my Mom Heart mamas here with abandon.  To God be the Glory for such a 4 days of Feasting, Loving, Talking, Praying and Sharing that we had! -Kelli Coombs, Virginia

"Sally Clarkson weaves intentional discipleship with lavish hospitality and girl time - all in an atmosphere of love and acceptance - like a mother. When I leave our intense time together I want to be better, more purposeful, and a life-giver in my home - to ones I love the most. My mind is brimming with ideas of how to pour out to those around me - especially moms, like me. Proverbs 11:25 “She who refreshes others will herself be refreshed.” -Debi Chapman www.debichapman.com, Texas

Women from Canada, Mexico and all over the US came together to make this an amazing weekend I will remember for a long time. Even a mini-Saturday morning retreat, gathering like-minded women together is a great idea for this summer. How 'bout at your house?! So much fun.......too little time. I am hoping we can do another in the future. Stay tuned here and if we do another you can find out when and where.

When Will They Stop Fussing? Love Must Be Trained in Order to Grow- Way #5

Way #5 

"We love one another, treating others with kindness, gentleness and respect." 

Memory Verse:

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I John 4:11-12

There was a time, actually some years, when I wondered if Joy and Joel could go for a day without chafing each other. Whatever personality issues lay between them, add a little sin nature and age difference, and life would find them often correcting each other's opinion or thoughts or heating toward high friction.

And aren't there people in our lives that just rub us the wrong way, every time we are with them or in conversation? And we try to like them, but, ......!

Some of my best memories the past two years, though, have been seeing Joy and Joel come to the piano again and again--playing, singing, harmonizing for literally hours--as they are both singer-songwriter types; seeing Joel coach her as she practiced her speeches and then spending hours judging at her speech and debate tournaments; coaching and encouraging each other through life, loves, thoughts, and becoming real, down deep friends.

Same with Sarah and Nate, or Joy and Sarah or Joel and Nate..... you get the picture!

Moms often say to me, "When are they ever going to stop fussing? Will they ever be friends?"

It does take longer than any of us would want, but training is the key to training the heart's response--both ours and our children's.

But, as I have paraphrased in other principles--love is not natural, it is supernatural. Love is a choice, an obedience. It grows when self is put away again and again. Love is a choice practiced over and over again--in order to build a strong "love muscle."

And yet, Jesus says that love is the very reality that will separate us from the world, because love is such an exceptional light in a sea of dark relationships--that we would actually show love for one another is the way He said we would win the world.

As he said, "They, (the world), will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."

The reason people would know that something was different about believers in Christ is that love is not natural to normal people--love is not normal in this world where divorce, law suits, violence in homes, separation of friendships, petty fussing and fighting, church splits, are the norm.

That is why this week's "way" is so very important.

Love must become a trained habit. Living by feelings is not a choice, we must help our children to "become strong inside" by choosing what is right, beyond  negative feelings. Living in submission to the power of the Holy Spirit, and choosing to practice love, is what is at stake here. Obedience to practicing love and learning to forgive is a pathway to maturity and a choice where God will provide strength in the midst of such a choice of obedience.

What we sow, we reap. And if we sow seeds of love, seeds of choosing to be kind, learning to be gentle and showing respect, we will empower our children to have strong relationships.  All of this must be taught, modelled, and then corrected and trained again and again.

The practice of learning to love goes on at home:

Is that the way to be kind, gentle and respectful to your sister? Did I offend my husband by being snarky? How could you have said that differently? What is our Family way about how we treat one another? Now, I want you to apologize and tell your sister that you love her. Maybe I should humble myself and admit I was impatient.

Some of our besties--even friends, offend each other. 

Friends must also become a place of practicing loving.

I know you feel like your friend irritated you and was unjust--but our verse says, "Since God loved us, we also ought to love one another. So, could you find it in your heart to forgive your friend? Mama has quarreled with her friends before, too. I know it hurts your feelings. But since God forgave me, I knew He wanted me to forgive my friend. Can I pray for you and your friend? ..........Now, let's surprise her and write her a nice note about how glad you are that she is your friend and maybe we could take her a plate of cookies?"

If we separate from our friends just because of quarrels, then we are teaching our children that we don't have to love everyone--we only have to love the people who we feel like loving--and then your training of this verse and family way becomes null and void.

What we model as adults is the integrity of our teaching our family  to follow "our 24 ways".

(And even in those irrational relationships with family, believers and others who will not speak to you anymore or who have decided to be at enmity to you, you must model restraint--show respect because you are a child of Jesus. Show your children what it looks like to respect even those who have offended you and sinned against you. When you model unconditional love in front of your children, they know deep in their hearts that you are choosing to control your feelings in order to sow love--and guess what, that is exactly how they will behave when they are tested as adults--because they learned integrity from you!)

Oh no, you mean I even have to model this way in marriage?

All marriages have stress and ups and downs. This is the training grounds for parents to practice unconditional love in front of their children. Way 5, loving because He first loved us- is not something that just the children are required to follow--even we must follow our Family ways, especially in marriage--sowing love and grace, kindness, gentleness and respect with our spouse, even when our feelings disagree. This is the training grounds for greatness for our children and for us.

When they hear the truth of the way and learn the verse, then when they see that in their home, forgiveness is practiced over and over again; saying your sorry and giving respect and restoring the relationship; choosing to act and speak in respectful ways, prepares your children to:

Stay loving and faithful and forgiving in marriage

to be a loyal and faithful friend

to get along and learn how to honor and handle others at work

In short, training a child to choose to love by showing kindness, gentleness and respect will prepare them to go before kings or paupers and to become leaders in their generation. This is one of the most important areas of training, so that our children can learn how to influence people with the messages of Christ--it starts with an attitude that says, "God has designed me to love people, to be humble like He was, to show respect and kindness."

Did fussing irritate me? Of course--drove me crazy!

Did I ever wonder if my children would get along? Thousands of times.

Did I wonder what I was doing wrong? Of course I did.

But training is a matter of process and maturity. And it really is going in deep in their hearts.

But training them to love is not about forcing them and yelling at them--but training, correcting, loving, modeling and doing it all over again, until this is a true value of their soul.

But it does work and God will knit together your family, because it is deeply in their souls--His way and design for them.

I am not quite sure when the "magic" of my children really loving each other and enjoying each other and really loving to be together happened, but it is a gift and a result of the seeds we planted and watered over many years.

Even last night, Nathan rang us at 10:30 and we had a 20 minute, face time--me on the couch, showing the dog, getting 3 of us in camera site at once--just to be together and "jaw." We giggled, shared, talked and loved once again as a community of Clarkson's. The fruit was sweet to my mama heart.

This training is an over and over and over again issue, but I must say now, fighting hard for this way to become the "way" of their hearts is one of the sweetest harvests of training, because now we have all become best friends.

Join me Here all Summer long as we study Our 24 Family Ways together.

You Can't Win the Race if You Don't Submit to the Reins! Way 4

Family Way # 4

"We listen to correction and accept discipline with a submissive spirit."

Memory verse "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Nathan loved the story of the Black Stallion--a stunning, wild, untamed, powerful, jet-black horse that eventually became one of the fastest horses alive, or so the story goes!

When Nathan was a little boy and I would have to discipline him, I would explain, "Nathan, a great race horse like the Black Stallion had such potential to win a blue ribbon in races against all of the horses in the world. But until this strong, wild horse learned to submit to the reins of the jockey, it was just a wild horse with potential. To be able to run the race, he had to submit himself to the direction of the master, and accept the reins. Natie, you are like that great wild stallion--so much potential to be a champion--but you have got to learn to accept the reins of our discipline so that you can run your race in life like a champion!"

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So it is with us as adults. We have an incredible capacity to be strong, grow in intellectual excellence as we exercise the muscles of our minds, to be influential in ministry in our lifetimes, to leave a legacy of faith and integrity--but it requires that we also exercise our will, submit to God's discipline, and strain after His ways by following His heart.

Taking responsibility for my children's hearts and minds crafted me into a stronger, more mature adult. As I told them stories, my heart was engaging in great hero tales. What I was sowing, I was reaping in my own life.

Cuddled up on the couch, squished together in rapt attention, there were teachable moments as my children would look with wide eyes and open hearts when I would read them tales of conquerors and heroes--those who gave the strength of their lives to bettering or redeeming the world. Oh, how they loved great stories! And when their little imaginations were captured with those stories, I would seize the moment and say,

"To become a world class champion requires struggle, discipline, commitment and the will to submit to the process of developing greatness, and I believe that God has created each one of you to be a champion for His kindgom in your lifetime. I wonder how you are going to be used by God to change your world for the better?"

"Maybe one of you will be a great writer like C.S.Lewis, or a great composer like Handel when he wrote the Messiah! Or a war hero, or a missionary, or doctor--there are no limitations to what God can do through normal people who submit to His training and live by the power of His spirit inside of us!"

And so, what potential sits dormant inside of me that might bring me to serve and sacrifice in a heroic way? How might God use faithful adults who are willing to live into His discipline and exercise our wills and spiritual muscles.

Discussions of bravery, sacrifice, honor, submission to life lessons would ensue and these were the moments when the souls of my children and I were formed.

"What do you think it costs to become a great soldier?" I would ask.

"What if you were called to be a great writer--what kind of discipline would that take?"

"What if God wanted you to write great music that would encourage and comfort people all over the world? How would you become the best?"

And so on--capturing their imaginations with the principles of discipline was a part of inspiring all of us to submit to our discipline, training and instruction.

Of course, much of training is repetition, over and over and over and talking all along the way.

Yet, reaching the heart with training is as much inspiration as it is training. Both are necessary--training in truth and wisdom, practicing submitting to that training--but knowing that with the submission comes a reward.

God does not arbitrarily issue us commandments to be hard on us. His commandments, which must be obeyed, are for our best--to protect us, to bless us, to cause us happiness and to help us become the best we can be.

Understanding that bravery, heroism, greatness, --a champion made, comes from submitting to training and to discipline, is a truth that will allow all children and all adults to be teachable and trainable to greatness.

Family Way # 4

"We listen to correction and accept discipline with a submissive spirit."

Memory verse "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

It seemed we had to learn to use this "way" often in the discipline and training of our children. "Our goal is for you to learn to obey. When you learn to obey mom and dad, you will practice becoming a trained child so that you will be able to hear God's voice and be able to obey Him."

If obedience is secured only through force, instead of securing the heart--and the imagination of the heart-- then the obedience will only take place when force is exerted.

Many wonderful adults and children have entered the world to find it a place of great temptation and allure. There are no guarantees of what choices our children will make or what their path will be.

However, I think for all of us, having a vision of why we need to submit--to understand that choosing to obey shapes our own ability to become strong inside in order to become someone morally strong and powerful to bring righteousness into the world--greatly enhanced our desire to actually do the submitting.

Just today, I was talking to one of my older children. They were talking about how so many of their friends "posed" as believers, yet their lives were a constant stream of compromises.

The goal of spiritual training in submitting to and asking our children to submit to discipline and to listen to  correction, wasn't just the behavior secured, but it was to help us develop a responsive and teachable heart, so that we would choose to bow their knee to God's ways, when we were with others or when we were alone where only God could see our hearts and our behavior.

Our children developed their own internal sense of wanting to become disciplined, trained adults who could pursue ideals of excellence for their Lord, because the motivation of their hearts had been secured.The training of them spread to our own hearts.

And so we told many stories of soldiers, athletes, missionaries, other heroes and explained that discipline and submission was the pathway to strength and character and we were their best cheerleaders as we trained, corrected and encouraged them toward the vision of owning their lives to become someone who would have a great contribution to make in their world.

What is your or your child's God-given personality?

What motivates their heart? Your heart?

How are you painting a vision for the person they will become when they learn to "take the reins?" How are you cultivating a vision for the person you might become when you allow God to take the reigns and lead you?

I realized that there are so many new to our ministry and the 24 Family Ways, that I forgot to tell you about the coloring books we have produced. Our children each had their own and we were able to correct them from their own book. You can find it HERE.

The Promise of a Golden Summer

Chattering as we go, measuring our 10,000 steps,camaraderie and belonging bubble over in all of our walks in the wild near our home. A circle of us around a card game, sitting out on the deck for dinner with candlelight, sleeping on the back porch under the clouds, sitting out under the stars in the front yard, or our daily walk on wild paths, are some of the rituals we keep every day as we continue to talk, giggle, pontificate and are awash in the golden moments of our lovely Colorado.

Sarah will be home soon, Nathan to follow in some weeks, Joel and Joy here for the time being, and we have so many wonderful memories ahead to make in one more Colorado summer. We mark our lives by one more meal or tea time we seem to be eating all the time in summer when everyone comes together.

Our favorite snack meal--(especially if I make home-made bread!) fruit, chips, hummus, cheese, sandwich meat rolled up, popcorn, and whatever we have in the cupboard that is already made. This helps when I don't want the kitchen to get hot because we do not have air conditioning. The rare days that the temperature is over 90, we just wait through the days, as at 7250 feet high, we just live with the windows open and sleep with fresh mountain air every night.

Now that everyone is older, I make each child (all adults) cook one dinner meal during the week and wash all of the dishes on that night. Then they have 5 other days of the week totally off. All of us have become pretty good cooks--and all of us are natural, organic types, so it is great fun to feast together.

One more easy meal that even the boys make was begun by Sarah. So it became:

Sarah-strone

2 Turkey sausages sliced thin

I whole onion, chopped

a heaping tablespoon of garlic

1 large can (29 ounces?) tomatoes (I like the chopped)

1 full can of water--or a little more to taste

2-3 thinly sliced zucchini

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

1 can beans (navy beans preferred--but we didn't have them last night so we used pinto)

1-2 teaspoons salt to taste

1 heaping tablespoon Italian seasoning

Saute sausage, onions and garlic in olive oil in a large soup pan. Add the tomatoes, water, salt and zucchini. Simmer for 20-30 minutes until the zucchini is soft. Add the beans and seasoning and salt. Simmer another little while (I think it tastes better if you just leave it on to simmer while you are doing other things--the tastes blend together better.)

Sprinkle Parmesan cheese and a small dollop of sour cream on top and enjoy!

This was a great summer treat for us last year that Sarah made up on the spur of the moment! I had to repeat it this week to be sure I knew how! It is a real pleaser.

The pathway behind our home--awash in beautiful blues, gorgeous--everywhere!

Every once in a while, life seems at peace in all areas.

It does not happen often, but when it does, I have learned to cherish each moment and store up the goodness of it for future times.

Finally, after all the weeks of travel, turning in 2 books, hosting an intensive with 45 women,   I am putting rhythms into our lives--for my sake.  We all feel called to minster as a family and to speak and reach out and do what the Lord has put on our plates to do, but really, we love home--the comfort, the meals, the fellowship and the life. So every day that we are able to cherish this life is a gift.

Clay is in his element with most  of us home to talk and have fun--soon to be everyone--and life will be wild but good. Sometimes with all the noise he retreats to his man-cave, but we feel happy to be together again.

Can't wait to have Nathan home, soon after Sarah. We are such pals and he is such a friend to Sarah and Joy and has a boy's club with Clay and Joel.

This, after all the seasons of living through the stages of younger children--those times when you wonder if your children will be friends.

And wonder if you have more conflict in your home than others do--but I have to say, if you are raising your children to be confident, independent thinkers--there will always be a little tension.

Since I know my children don't come home for as long now, when they want to talk, I drop everything. When they say, "Hey, Mom, fix me breakfast--it always tastes better when you do it." Then I do it and enjoy it, knowing sometime soon, they will be gone. But also knowing that it was being available to make many such memories and serving them so often when they little boys and wee girls, that makes them want to come home one more time.

So happy to be full into summer, and leaving the duties of the world behind.

I wish you a golden summer with room to breathe and beauty to enjoy.

Honor and Obedience: The Foundation of Worshipping God

24 Family Ways # 3

We honor and obey our parents with a respectful attitude.

From the first days of life, we speak the attitudes of faith into our little babies. When we treat them with gentleness and respond to them with patience and treat them as little infants of great value, we are already training the value of honor and respect into their brain patterns.

Honor is a value that must have precedence in a home, so that a child can understand the importance of  people, and  to learn to bow their knee before others who deserve respect.

The beginning of learning to value a fetus, an old, frail or infirm adult, or a person of different race or color begins with the heart attitude of learning to honor and learning to submit oneself to others.

hon·or

Definition: to show high respect or esteem

To regard with great respect

Many years ago, I was taking Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy to a children's museum in Ft. Worth. We were standing in line behind what appeared to be grandparents with a little boy about 5 or 6. As we stood waiting our turn to enter, the little boy suddenly laid down on the floor, began screaming and then when his grandpa tried to pick him up, the boy started slapping and hitting and spitting on him.

Immediately all four of my children looked back at my face to see what I was going to do. Joel said, "Mama, don't you know? We always look at your eyes to see what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to behave and react in life."

What do your children see when they look at your eyes?

Children naturally look to their parents for an example and model of what is expected.

One of the reasons, I believe, that God required children to honor  and obey their parents was to give them a visual and actual practice of what it would look like to give honor  and obey and value and worship to God.

How can our children learn the value of worshipping and honoring God if they have not seen it in the warp and woof of their daily lives?

It is very difficult to behave in belief and in worship to God--to understand that we are below him and are to bow to His holiness--if we have never been required to show respect to others in our lives.

There must be some visible, actual ways of teaching children respect and honor as a heart value so that they can learn the concept.

There are so many practical ways and tips to teach a child honor and obedience.

However, the most important thing to realize is that it starts with the heart. 

Respect, giving worth and honor to someone, is not a matter of forcing a child to submit to an authority  because the parent  is  stronger and bigger and can exert his power. Force of authority is the opposite of winning and training a child's heart to honor and obedience.

HOW DO WE TEACH THIS VALUE?

"Sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence" I Peter 3:15

It begins with an attitude of gentleness and reverence from our own obedient and honoring heart. The power is in our own maturity to train in maturity.

A wise mother looks into the heart of her child to understand what is mulling around in the mind and seat of thoughts and motivation. Honor is passed on to a child when we take the time to know their personality, understand their heart attitude and to be able to say or evaluate if a behavior was merely foolishness or if behavior showed a disrespectful and rebellious heart.

I corrected my children so very often because of the attitude I could detect--when they were willful or prideful or selfish in response to a person or situation--much more than I corrected for behavior.

Wise behavior was trained and modeled and corrected over time. However the essence of training our children to honor and obey was an issue of teaching them to submit their wills out of a heart of respect, rather than out of us forcing them to comply.

Understand that all of us are sinful and selfish and that our human way is to "push against" anyone who infringe upon our rights. And so it is natural to be selfish and immature, but it is supernatural to be mature. 

To become mature takes a whole lifetime--at least I am still working on it. To grow in maturity and to become wiser, humbler and more discerning and submissive in my behavior has taken me years of input, training, understanding, conviction, reforming my ways and repenting--and it is a process, not a one time act.

And so it is with a child, hundreds of times teaching, correcting, loving, training, and over and over again.

For this reason, a parent should not think the child is intentionally disobedient all the time just to thwart the parent--all children are born with such a nature and all children will grow in strength and ability to obey when consistently trained and guided and corrected.

This is a process.

Ours is to wisely keep them on the path of righteousness and to give them the value and love for righteousness and to correct and train them as they are going.

Just a few practical ideas:

When our children were little, we taught them to address adults with "Miss" or "Mister"--as our children called our adult friends either Mister Brown or Miss Deb to show that there was a distinction between adults and children. Different parts of the US and different countries have ways of imparting this understanding of the distance between adults and children, but it is a necessary distinction which helps children to learn the attitude of respect--to see a difference in themselves and in adults and authorities.

Teaching manners  is a wonderful way to teach children to value the worth of other people. Giving up chairs so others have a comfortable seat. Letting other adults or guests go first in line at a buffet, or serving our guests food or beverages before we were served were small ways of building a pattern of giving honor to others more than ourselves, so that our children could understand the whole concept.

Writing thank you notes and noticing the worth of other people through words helped our children have a pattern for respect. Honoring those in position--a pastor, a teacher, the President, leaders--in front of our children instead of always criticizing them in our children's presence helped them to learn that we also honored people.

In a world of cynicism and sarcasm, we must rule over the influences of our children when so often media and the internet feels that any person and any office is something open to being criticized or being made fun of in public.

This creates a culture that has no sense of honor or respect. Guarding our words and behavior is so important if we are to instill a heart value for respect, rather than just trying to force obedience.

Even small babes can learn to honor their parents by teaching them to use self-control. When our babes were very young and they were whining or screaming, but old enough to understand us, we would place them in a crib and say, "I am so sorry, but mommy (or Daddy) cannot listen to you while you scream or whine (or whatever). When you choose to talk to me in a normal voice, I will listen to you."

It was amazing how quickly our children learned to talk in quiet, gentle voices--even as young, crying babes.

But for a child to learn honor, a parent must display honor. The way we speak to each other and to our children should be with pleasant, loving words and voices. When we expect them to learn civility and honor, we have to exhibit it ourselves in the way we treat other people. (generally speaking, of course --we all raise our voices or become angry or frustrated on occasion.)  And even if we do become angry or raise our voices, we should always apologize if we expect our children to apologize. We must exhibit the same behavior we are expecting of them.

How can we train our children to act respectfully if we do not behave in a civilized, gentle, respectful way?

But then there is the second part of the way: obeying our parents with a respectful attitude.

Though this is a big area, and I cannot possibly address it all in one small article, the process of teaching a child the pattern of obeying is a long term pathway of learning obedience, little by little.

Teaching children to obey is essential to their character and moral strength, but it is a process. The beginning of learning obedience is to learn a value like this one--We honor and obey our parents with a respectful attitude.

So many parents do not teach basic expectations but merely react to their children in frustration--without having ever laid down the training of expectations of what is to be obeyed.

This merely frustrates parent and child as it is difficult for a child to learn to obey if they have never been told what is expected of them--any more than I could expect to please an employer if I did not clearly understand what was expected.

Training little by little is the key to having long term obedience and honor.

Since Clay and I believe that parenting is an organic process, considering the personalities of children, the sex and age of children and the ways to reach the children's hearts, we do not give specific advice but wisdom principles to follow.

Consequently, the first place to start is in giving our children a pattern of what to expect by being with them all the time when they are little so that we can speak to their little hearts, needs, shaping their values and understanding of behavior by directing it.

The children whose parents are most engaged and involved when their children are little are, generally speaking, the ones whose children are easier to train, as the children have learned to expect attention and love and training.

And so we teach them this way, teach them the memory verse and use this way and verse as a way of correction:

What is our way about obedience? What do you need to do in order to obey mommy now?

And so that I do not write a whole book tonight, I will leave you with this thought:

How are you modeling honor and obedience to God in  your home, by your attitudes, actions and obedience--so that your children will have a true picture to follow?

 Join me here all summer long as we study, Our 24 Family Ways Together!