Generosity: Expressed By the Way We See Ourselves {24 Family Ways #11}

 

WAY # 11

WE ARE GENEROUS WITH WHAT WE HAVE, SHARING FREELY WITH OTHERS.

Memory Verse: 

"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

In the news, we see tragic headlines of devastating world events that can discourage us. Often, it seems that we only hear of bad news, horrible deeds. Yet, it is heartening to me to collect stories of encouragement to read and collect to share when I find them. I love stories of people who give, love and serve--and it happens every day, whether reported or not.

In an isolationist culture where, often, we do not know anyone on our block, we sometimes wonder how we can be generous to those in need. Not knowing the personal needs of my neighbors means I am in a vacuum for meeting those needs.

We are presented with opportunities to help people far away--the starving, the young prostitutes in other countries, to help with disasters. Yet, it is in giving of our own time, our own money, our own service when we are filled with the blessing that comes from giving our life away to others personally. Looking for opportunities to personally give as a family has kept us more humble, more compassionate and helped to model and train our children to think of themselves as "givers."

Two years in a row, Colorado Springs had devastating fires. Many houses were destroyed but it also placed us in a community to see generosity expressed in amazing ways. Mitch Slate, a modest man, decided ahead of time that he wanted somehow to do something personally for those who had lost their homes. Even though he lived on the un-evacuated side near the fires, he spent four hours handing out more than six cases of water to residents waiting to be escorted into the Black Forest burn area Saturday, June 15, 2013. Michael Ciaglo/The Gazette

This thoughtful man did not sit home and wonder what to do. He took initiative to go out and buy gallons and gallons of water to give to those who had been waiting and waiting to see their beloved homes.

Others in the area showed the kind of community support that I have not experienced on a regular basis in our area. An estimated 1,000 people lined the streets outside of the Black Forest Fire command center that night to say thank you to the heroic firefighters, national guardsmen, police officers and sheriff's deputies working long hours, without sleep, to protect their homes as they changed shifts. Many had lost their own homes, but wanted to be a part of the community that thanked the fire fighters for risking their lives to save their homes.

Thousands of people were affected by the fire that occurred with the most homes lost in Colorado History. (460 homes totally destroyed.) How amazing it was to see this gathering of people support one another, help generously, pray together, and show love in countless ways. photo Michael Ciaglo/The Gazette

Members of First Baptist Church on Black Forest Road prayed Sunday, June 16, 2013 over church members who lost their homes in the Black Forest fire northeast of Colorado Springs, Colo. The church, which is just outside the evacuation area in Black Forest, held a community prayer and praise worship service Sunday. At least eleven church families lost their homes to the Black Forest fire. Photo by Mark Reis, The Gazette (Photo credits given to The Gazette)

Generosity expresses the way we perceive ourselves.

Giving our time, love, consideration and thoughtfulness to those surrounding us in our lives is one of the ways people are able to perceive the love of Christ, expressed through us. Yet, when one comes to Christ, it is not just to receive forgiveness and entrance into heaven.  Humility and bowing our knees before the creator of the universe, must cause us to understand that our lives are not our own. When we give our lives to Christ, we give him our all. Everything we have belongs to God. Our possessions are not only for us to use, but what we possess is to be used for the service and provision of others. God entrusts us with resources because He wants to believe that we will be good stewards of his provision in order to help others.

Generosity, then, flows from a person who perceives himself as a steward of God's gifts.

However, the attitudes that are swirling around in our hearts, will most likely show  and burst to the surface when difficult circumstances squeeze our lives. Devastating fires, so near our home, effected all of us in our community two years ago. Disbelief that a fire could come so quickly and devastate so many homes in such a short time left us all breathless.

Yet, as with many disasters, we witnessed an outpouring of generosity from those who had already decided that giving of themselves was one of the ways to most model the sacrificial life of Jesus.

As we housed sweet family friends whose house was at times right in the center of the infrared map, we watched them as they lived what they had practiced believing--the joyful and humble trust of God.

One morning, as they heard of family friends who lost their home, their first response was not fear of losing their own home. But, immediately, they pondered, "What would most help this family? Let's give a gift card to Target, get their kids some new clothes, and go visit them to cheer them up. They probably need a lot of support right now."

The heart of Jesus is to give whatever it required to save his beloved children. In our case, He had to give His all.

Generosity is caught when taught and  modeled. It is learned when practiced. It plants seeds in the heart when, out of great thanksgiving to God, for all that He has done, we give always out of our resources to His kingdom causes and to others who are in need.

When we capture the reality of God's nature being extravagantly generous on our behalf, this character quality born in our lives and trained into the lives of our children, reflects a wordless picture of a love that will reach hearts.

No wonder God loves a cheerful giver--it is a true reflection of His children behaving like Him.

Practical ways we practiced giving as a family included:

*Serving meals at homeless shelters

*teaching children's Sunday School classes as a family or caring for children while single moms did Christmas shopping

*Helping with work days to serve elderly, single moms and those who were unable to mow their lawns

*Hosting missionaries in our home when they were on furlough and helping them gather goods to send back to the country in which they lived

*Gathering money weekly from the kid's giving and storing it in a jar and turning it into a check at a bank to send to the cause our family voted on after a period of time

*Making meals and decorating "love" cards for neighbors and those who were ill, in the hospital or had a loss in the family.

*Baking plates of cookies for new neighbors and visiting their home to say welcome.

*Stuffing shoe boxes full of toys and books for overseas friends who did not have material goods.

There are so many ways to give, but making it a habit, taking the time to plan it is the key to seeing the root of generosity grow in the culture of our lives and our family's lives.

Join me all summer long, as we study Our 24 Family Ways here  together.

Do You Want What Someone Else Has? Stop Coveting! 24 Family Way # 10

Titian

Family Way # 10

"We are content with what we have not coveting what others have."

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." I Tim. 6:6

As our parents have all died in the last few years, Clay and I have gathered with siblings to "sort out" all athe stuff. It is amazing how much mature Christians can still struggle with things--

"I always wanted that since I was a little girl."

"I am pretty sure mom wanted me to have that."

The reason God told us not to covet was that He knew coveting was a part of our make up and that it would snare us in life.

Murder was the first violent sin described early in the old testament, which arose from jealousy, envy and coveting between brothers. Coveting God's pleasure with Abel, Cain allowed his anger to determine his actions and committed the first murder. The desire to resent others for what they have and what we do not have is natural to our flesh.

If we are ever to teach our children to be content, we must first understand the process in our own lives. We cannot teach what we have not understood.

Rage, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy storms in the soul of all of us. How do I know?  Because it has raged in my soul. Sometimes sin seems like a distant, impersonal issue in church sermons--selfishness, attitudes, greed, pornography, adultery, murder, violence, stealing, abuse of every kind. These obvious sins are pronounced from the pulpit.

Yet, our own sin often remains unknown by those around us.  Most of us sit silently, hiding the battles in our heart to love, to forgive, to envy, to be jealous, and battling silently with the demons that plague us at times, when we see into the dark corners of our heart.

We underestimate the cancer that sin has wreaked in the very inner being of our hearts. A grid of self-centered reality permeates the way we see life. When we measure ourselves by the circumstances of our lives, we often come up judging others, criticizing them as the one who is wrong rather than us. Our sin corrupts our vision.

And so often, our grid through which we see life, distorts our understanding of what will really bring us happiness, fulfillment and contentment.

Our culture proliferates material possessions as a source of happiness. Those who "have" are happier and those of us who "don't have" are somehow unjustly struggling.  We believe that a new house, a better car, a larger salary, recognition--that there are things that will bring us happiness. And often, the longing for more things and money lead to us idolizing money, working hard  and seeking a way to provide for ourselves, instead of trusting God with our humble circumstances.

Beautiful bodies surround us in television, movies and commercials that promise perfect bodies by buying a product, taking a pill, or exercising. Sexual images and perfectly staged relationships is the focus and picture of most relationships in media. If there was an awkward moment or a flabby body on one of the heroic or adventurous movies, we would critically observe that the heroine or hero was poorly cast, as we sit at home with our various assortment of flab, overweight and not so perfect bodies, comparing to the images that fill the media.

All of these sources and other cultural messages feed our vulnerable, tender point of temptation--that of discontent. If only we had......a better car, a bigger house, a better marriage partner, more well-behaved children, a  more exciting life, more love, someone who will love us better than those we have in our lives.....then we would be happier. God knew that this would be havoc to our spiritual health and so He even included it in the Ten Commandments!

 It is not sinful or wrong to have desires for something more. Our hearts can actually perceive a better world and more wonderful circumstances because we were made for a better place. We were made for perfection, love, joy, great blessing. It was in the heart of God to provide us a magnificent life.

However, when Adam and Eve rebelled against God, it set the whole world in a motion of destruction and brokenness, disappointment and a battle to live well, stable and healthy.

The only way that we will ever be able to be content is to realize the nature of a fallen world--(this is not heaven yet) and then to cultivate a level of thanksgiving and contentment in the life we have been given.  To choose to see the goodness of God, to look for His fingerprints every day in our lives, to have an eternal perspective is the only way we will be able to be content. 

Contentment is a heart issue. We cannot change our emotions and selfish desires by force. Our only hope is to look to God, to ask Him to teach our heart to be contented, to want to trust Him and not live in ungratefulness or in looking to what others have. Choosing to be content, resting our desires and dreams into God's hands, learning to love and bring light into broken places is the beginning of learning to be content.

As long as we covet what we do not have, we will never be at peace. Whether in marriage or family or with possessions, the beginning of contentment is to know that having our own way and practicing selfishness or expecting perfection in a fallen world, will just be a vain goal.

And so, as we teach our children this important 24 Family Way, we must come to them with compassion, understanding and teaching them that we all are tempted to want what we do not and may never have. We cannot force our children to be content by "guilting" them in discipline.

Paul told us that He learned to be content! It was a process.

 We must understand that contentment is like a muscle--the more practiced, the stronger it will be. It is an attitude inside of a heart that is soft and says, "God, I want to learn to be content, so today, I am going to seek to be grateful for you, for what you have provided and for the eternal life I will share with you, where joys beyond my imagination will be real, will be fulfilled and will be provided by you, because you love me."

But helping them to understand that contentment, the humility of accepting with joy, the circumstances of our lives, is of great gain--great value to our Christian life. Contentment is a powerful character quality which will allow us to mount up over many of life's battles, as we keep our eyes on Him to provide us with all we need in the midst of the stories of our lives. Remembering the memory verse:

Used, blog 7/1/2021 Greatness verses Mediocrity: Determine to Go the Extra Mile!

woman-running-23

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1 NLT

Our culture is in great need of heroes, stories with sacrificial endings, inspiring lives of those who strain after all that is good, beautiful and true. I consider my work of faithfulness a success when, in the hidden moments of life, I hear and see my children making hard choices--the choice to work hard to pay their bills, the choice to be moral and cultivate integrity in a world that gives permission to compromise, the decision to stay faithful in places the world or others would say "give up."

Some time ago, I was asked,

"Sally, I want your advice."

“I have a great son, who is responsive to me and loving—but he is spending 6 hours a day playing computer games! My friends told me that is normal and just to leave him alone and know it is just boy stuff. What do you think?”

This from a sweet and intentional mom that I met last summer.

We live in a pretty mediocre culture. The voices of our culture in this contemporary world will most always give you permission to compromise your ideals, give up on commitments, escape the hard work, go the easy route. “Oh, they will be just fine—don’t interfere too much.”

But, there are not many leaders you want to point your children to be able say,

“Look at that person—they have worked hard, sacrificed their lives, and accomplished something great in this world.

Then we can say to them, "I believe God has designed you to give something great to your generation in your lifetime.”

Yet, I am convinced that if we, as mothers, understood that we have a capacity to work a little harder, give a little more and cultivate more intentionally, we will indeed be able to see greatness of soul, and depth of faith arise out of our children’s lives. It is the best work we will ever do. 

Nothing truly great is ever accomplished without great effort. We are, after all, subduing a world that is in rebellion against God. By investing more time in our children, we are helping them mount up over inertia, over laziness, bad habits, self-centeredness and giving them practice at developing good habits, skills, abilities, all of which need to be intentionally nurtured, taught, modeled and trained into them by their parents!

However, it takes more work than I ever thoughts. If a mom doesn’t want her 13 year old son to be addicted to the computer, she will have to help him cultivate more captivating interests, and she will have to invest her personal time, money, sweat equity and energy to do it—excellence requires us to go the extra mile.

Several years ago, I was judging at a statewide speech and debate tournament. Children ages 12-18 competed in a variety of areas. Each child has had to invest hours and hours preparing, studying, practicing and if it is similar to our household, the whole family has been involved—listening to speeches, correcting scripts, giving ideas, researching quotes. The whole process has taken our family hours and hours, but it has benefitted us all and sharpened us all as we have been forced to think through ideas, philosophy, defenses, together.

Yet, I am quite amazed at the articulate, thoughtful speeches coming from the hearts of the young adults there, who had invested their own hours and hours in this venture. They had engaged their minds in great ideas, practiced thinking and saying them and are, I know, going to be more excellent communicators in their life- time, because of the hours their moms invested in them to make this competition a possibility.

Whether a sport, a musical skill, art, ministry, some kind of academic or creative work, our children will be blessed if we invest the time it takes to give them more of a foundation of confidence in their souls, as we help them find a way to practice productivity, excellence of character and the need to take every moment captive for Him.

What we sow we will reap, what we don't sow, we won't reap. Your children and you have the capacity to live into amazing abilities that God has created you to have. But you must exercise the muscle of your lives to become excellent and strong. The choice to work diligently is the key--is your heart willing to do what it takes to become excellent in character or skills in life?

To find that “fit” for our children’s creativity, that activity that engages their heart, passions and personality, will probably require us give up the rights to our own time, and invest in the future of our child’s productivity, by taking the time now to help them cultivate their skills and interests and good habits.

But it will require that we go that extra mile-but that extra mile will take them much further in their lives than can ever be measured.

This summer take time to access your goals, your life, your story.

ownyourlife250x100

Cultivating Thankful Hearts brings contentment 24 Ways # 9

Johannes Evert Hendrik Akkeringa

Way # 9

"We are thankful for what we have, whether it is a little or a lot."

Memory Verse

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing;in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thess. 5:16-18

Summers are always a time when our door swings open and closed constantly as we welcome friends from afar as well as adult children who want a reprieve from life. The past few weeks have been filled with company--friends close and acquaintances who needed a shelter from storms of life for a day or two. I, the mama, who it seems often holds the whole world together, (do you feel that way, too?), and have been carrying burdens, as well as the hearts of each one in my family and home, have been giving out constantly the past weeks. But it is a season in which God has asked me to be faithful.

I keep looking inside the hearts of those in my circle of care to check if they are ok and if I can help, love, encourage, or give in some way. I know it is not the things I provide or being a perfect host that my children and friends need. But someone to look into their eyes and notice them.

Early one morning this week, I forced myself out of bed, begowned and ruffled of hair and spirit, and put on the tea kettle, lit candles, poured 2 cups of tea and took a tray up to sleepy Joy.

"I just wanted a few minutes by myself with you, away from Sarah, Joel, and our company, to check your heart and to see what was swimming in your mind."

Under my pillow that night, "I have so many things, so many experiences, but what I want most is time alone with you. Thanks for noticing me this morning."

God's will is very clear and very straightforward--Rejoice, pray, and give thanks in everything. A heart that is grateful is a heart that is satisfied, content.

At this juncture in history, there are more things available to purchase; more entertainment, available 24 hours a day; more food; more material good than have ever been proliferated at any other time.

Yet "having more" has created a culture that is never satisfied, often in debt, dependent on pleasure and self-gratification in order to be content, while neglecting the greater needs of less fortunate people than themselves. As a result, the development of a strong character in children, has often been neglected. Children are coddled, entertained to death, and spoiled with expectations that can never totally be assuaged, which creates a complaining spirit, and self-pity if every gratification is not promptly met.

What is even worse, is that many parents have come to think that they are supposed to provide all of these things for their children so that they can be happy, instead of understanding, God wants them to cultivate children who have learned to be content.

Jesus, on the other hand, came into the world with no stately form or majesty that we should look upon him. No title. Few if any possessions. Choosing mostly fisherman, tax collectors, and common men and women to be his companions, he lived a simple, common life, with "no place of his own to even lay his head."

Yet, in this, He modeled to us a thankful heart.

Simplicity is one of the keys to having a thankful heart. For children, how important that they learn to be satisfied with playing at the beach or in a forest or digging in dirt. Enjoying an active imagination, pretending stories, drawing a tree or flowers, singing and dreaming under a shade tree.

The fewer choices children, (or adults), have, the more likely they will be happy and grateful for what they have been given.

 Many years ago, as a young, idealistic mama, I wanted to provide my children with all the best experiences, opportunities, books, toys, a playground, bikes, lessons--all of those things that we feel pressured to provide for our children. Yet, when we started Wholeheart Ministries, we moved to a tiny country town, (712 people), lived with my mother-in-law, and got by on a negligible salary for 5 years.

Shopping at Goodwill was our habit, as we could not afford department stores. Going to the grocery store sometimes made me feel guilty, because we just didn't have much money. Our budget didn't allow for all of the things I thought my children needed. Sometimes I would worry about what my children were missing because we couldn't afford many luxuries or "things" that I wanted to provide.

Thomas Eakins

Yet, living out on the country with lots of space to roam, few friends, lots and lots of time together as a family, is probably the best thing that could have happened to my children. Because we did not have lots of toys, our children learned to pretend, to create their own stories, draw and study nature, to make up games, read lots of books and to spend lots of time outdoor with animals, collecting fossils, building forts and gardening with me.

Because there was not even an option to have lots of "things", they became content with what they had. I was the only one who had any idea that they might be missing out on something cultural voices had told me they needed.. Life, to them, was a joyful, adventure where we had a little community called Clarkson, of which they were a part.There was no need to be constantly entertained because we did not have lots of media, gadgets, and toys, so they had not learned to expect them. There were few neighbors nearby to tempt them with toys they did not have.

Because we did not buy soft drinks when we were out as a family, our children did not long for something they had not come to expect. I distinctly remember when we were at a picnic with some friends, someone offered Sarah and Joel a whole can of coke to each of them. They looked at me and said, "Mama, they are giving us our own drink that we don't have to share with anyone! Isn't this fun! We feel so special!"

They were so very grateful for any small favor because our lives were simple and at the time, not very materialistic. I look back now and think that God was indeed actually answering my prayers to help my children to become godly--by not allowing me to have all of the things I read that children could have.

Working, waiting for gratification, sharing, patiently waiting for their turn in our family, all of these were the ways God built thankfulness into my children's hearts. I was not smart enough to choose this for my family, but God in His wisdom, knew just what my children needed to build character, and he used our circumstances to train them!

Enabling children by over-indulging them, is common in our contemporary culture. Yet, being spoiled and over-indulged creates a person who complains, whines and is weak in the day of adversity.

Don't get me wrong, we created a fun, challenging, interesting life for our children, amidst the daily grind of work, study, helping us in our ministry, learning to share and becoming a steward of their gifts. Creating times of celebration and appreciating after a time of hard work was a part of the warp and woof of our lives. But each child had to live in to his need to work, help and to learn to earn the money for something they hoped they could receive some day.

However, writing into our children's brains and hearts the wonderful quality of a thankful spirit, requires that we lead them to appreciate what they have and to be content with real life instead of material life. This is one of the most essential qualities for us to have a mature walk with God--the ability to praise and thank Him no matter what the circumstances.

This week, every day, notice the things that God has provided. Practice thanking Him for each way He has worked and blessed in your life. Have your children write thank you cards to friends of family for whom they are grateful. Breathing thankfulness into all the minutes of the days, creates a great pattern for life and helps you and your children to become more satisfied with what God has given.

Forgiveness: The Invisible String That Knits Hearts Together 24 Family Ways #8

Way  # 8 We forgive one another, covering an offense with love when wronged or hurt.

Memory Verse: Colossians 1:13

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

While visiting overseas, I cherished time with a friend from my missionary years. Tears streaming down her face, my friend said, "I can't seem to let go of all the things my "supposed" friend  did to hurt me. She told lies about me, manipulated me."

"I was so gullible because she quoted Bible verses and acted like she was a strong Christian.  I have tried to forgive her, but my bitterness against her takes up so much brain space. I just can't seem to get over all the ways she hurt me. I rehearse it over and over again in my mind."

Christians disappointing Christians common in this day and time. So often, I find more and more people in my life who have been emotionally injured by those who call themselves "Christians" but do not live by biblical principles. A woman whose husband is addicted to pornography; or has had an affair; a parent or relative who has been abusive; a friend who has rejected; kids who have rejected or harmed our children, a pastor or leader who has fallen to immorality and the list goes on and on. This a picture of our broken world and the fallenness of people.

All of us will be offended by many people in our life-time. And, all of us" make mistakes and act in immature ways. We lose our temper. We are selfish and want the "best or biggest piece of cake. We become angry over petty issues. We break someone else's toy, so to speak.

No matter how hard any of us try, we will always always be flawed and eventually fall short of someone's expectations and disappoint those who love us. Or we will be sorely disappointed by many people.

Unless we learn to give these wounds into the file drawer of heaven, to allow Christ to take these burdens of heart for us, we will be overwhelmed by a shadow of bitterness, anger or disappointment.

That is why forgiveness is so very essential to the message of Christ.

We should learn to be those who love the best, because we are those who give the most grace, and have been given the most grace. As we love Christ, He leads us to give grace and forgiveness.

In a world where culture gives us every kind of excuse to divorce, to abandon, to hold a grudge, to become a victim of a difficult life, to gossip, to criticize, the practice of forgiveness stands out like a beacon of light for a defense of Christianity. 

It is not logical to forgive someone who has offended us, but it is supernatural--it can only come from walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, forgiveness and humility was a topic constantly on the heart of Jesus.

Peter wanted to quantify forgiveness, like we all desire to do! He was willing to be noble and forgive someone, but after all, he thought there surely must be a limit! Perhaps 7 is the number we should forgive, Lord? He asked with a self-justifying heart.

No, Jesus said. 70 times 7--in other words, you must forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, .........

Forgiving another person who has hurt us, damaged our reputation, acted in a vindictive way, who has continually been mean spirited or abused us in some way, is one of the most difficult practices to exercise. All of us have been deeply hurt. It is natural to want to take revenge, or even to justify our own position and way of looking at an offense to justify lack of forgiveness.

Yet, it is the way of Jesus--the supernatural way of the Spirit in our lives to extend forgiveness and unconditional love.

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," we read in Romans 8.

Truth is, Christ died for hostile people--while they were rebelling and acting out in utter selfishness, He gave his life to save them. Radical faith asks us to do the same.

He who knew no sin became sin on our behalf. II Cor. 5:21

To truly understand Jesus, to worship Him from a grateful heart, requires that we learn to forgive as He has forgiven us. Sometimes we feel "just" anger. Anger is an emotion that God gave to us to feel the pain of wrong relationships. However, healing comes when we bow our knee and our will to actually forgive someone. To learn to expect nothing in return is not natural but supernatural--divine Holy Spirit power working through our weak selves. 

Jesus said that if someone hit us, we should offer him the other cheek. He told stories about forgiveness--the judge who forgave a very large debt of a man, who was not willing to forgive another man a small debt owed him.

In II Timothy 2:24, Paul admonished us:

"The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged."

If we want our children, our friends, to consider marriage sacred then we must behave as though it is sacred and forgive one another when wronged. Same with family members, neighbors, fellow believers in church, parents, everyone.

Forgiveness is the essence of God's heart. It compelled Him to die for us.

So, if we want to give our children a secret to living a life of love, we must teach them this Family Way. If we want our children to be godly leaders in this world, they must see self-sacrificing, humble forgiveness in and through our words, our lives and our actions.

One of the most important values I have come to understand from being a mama, is that when I take responsibility for the shaping of my children's hearts, to teach them truth, I have had to become more godly in order to teach them these life-changing truths.

Practical Help:

1. When your children offend someone, lead them to write a note or verbally admit their offense and ask for forgiveness of the one they offended. Teach them to pray with their siblings and to ask God to restore their relationship and forgive. This one habit will prepare them to be better parents and spouses.

2. When you are unjust to your children, spouse, friend, humble yourself, admit what you have done and ask for forgiveness. Pray with them. God's grace brings healing.

3. When bitterness or deep wounding swirls in your heart, get help. Ask a trusted friend to be accountable to you and to love you and help you heal. Get counseling. We all need others who help us feel understood and who can help us move forward in healing. (I have a friend who is older and more mature and sympathizes with my wounds, but always leads me back to Him. I couldn't do without love and friendship in managing the deep wounds our family has received over the years in ministry.)

4. Help your children understand that wounding others and being surrounded with broken people is a part of the battle raging in this world from being separated from God. Help them to learn relational skills so that they will not be overcome when they experience others whom they will confront who are not healthy or safe people. But teach them to forgive, to extend love as a part of learning to be filled with God's spirit and to always move relationships towards health when it is possible.

5. Teach them to go to God when people do not respond in a healthy way. To understand His kind, merciful heart and to know that Jesus who, "endured the cross" and "despised the shame" is a God who is acquainted with grief and will show them His compassion. And help them to understand that healing takes time.

6. Model healthy, strong, loving relationships to others. Help your children be healthy and loving so that they will not wound people, or be consumed by self-centeredness but instead work out of a heart that has practiced love.

Forgiveness is not always easy. As I mentioned, I have had to learn to intentionally put my heart-breaks into the file drawer of heaven and ask God to take my burdens that are too much for me. I mentally leave my burdens there and by faith seek to let Him work in my heart over a period of time.

Forgiveness is a testimony to the world that believers are a different sort--our love goes beyond bounds of our flesh. His grace through us speaks of His reality.

And so, as we approach this week's way, let us understand that helping our children practice forgiveness over and over again, will establish a pattern in their hearts to remember when they must make this choice as adults. Train up a child in the way he should go--in forgiving 70 X 70 X70 and so on, and forgiveness will become a part of his paradigm for life. If we all loved this way and forgave, the world would indeed become a place open to the heart and message of Christ.

Memory Verse: Colossians 3: 13 (and I included 12--as it was so very instructive to all of us! (and to me!)

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

And so today, as you take this into your own heart, remember, that without forgiveness as a way of life in your home, your words about the death of Jesus and His sacrifice may become hollow, if forgiveness is not the rule of your own heart and home.

May God give each of us grace to become stronger and stronger at forgiving and extending love more every day. I think I will perfect this when I am 75! But at least I am working on it!

Join me as we study Our 24 Family Ways this summer!

Conflict without, Comfort within

Arm in arm, my sweet one and I, walked our familiar evening path sharing hearts and finding solace in our companionship amidst the beauty of one more flurry of pinks and golds as the sun settled in for the night. We knew we were not alone. God walked with us and smiled at us through His clouds and presence in our friendship.

As we turned the corner of our last way home, the moon spoke to us once again of His companionship as we breathed in the comfort of friendship.

Upon returning home, we lingered in the moonlight on our front porch, rocking gently as we talked more of life. Eventually, 5 of us mingled on the porch in the twilight. Comfort, belonging, peace, security, stability is what is felt in the walls of our home. We belong to each other. We know a comfort amongst our trials, our joys, our doubts and our anger. We have a place to go where life finds a safe harbor inside our walls.

As I glance through the pathways of our story, there are many trials and obstacles along the way--car wrecks, cancer, deaths, births, illnesses, financial problems, church splits, relationships coming to an end, new ones beginning. Our world is a battlefield against small conflicts, difficult circumstances and big evils that abound. Yet, by His grace, we have come to know that we have a harbor in our storms, and our family's mutual love has wrapped us further in the bonds of rest that comes from being loyal, strong, devoted and present with one another through each day, each year, each conflict.

God designed us to be "home" makers, to have foundations from which to live life.

At my age, in spite of fear that life storms would overwhelm, I have lived to see the fingerprints of God all over our days. His goodness has followed us through all of our seasons. Because He has been our hope in every storm, and we have cherished Him together, we have found that, as David said, "Surely His goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord, forever."

Some storms have gathered in our lives in the past few months. Yet, now, honestly, one of the joys of my mother heart has been to watch my children walking in faith, and faithfully through unanticipated trials, seeking God's goodness, living together in the harmony of family love. Adults making their own choices to trust God, to learn and grow, to strain towards His righteous ways.

Gathering and rallying together, once again with each other,  around the certainty that we are a blessed family because we have the solace of constant family love and the promise of God's comfort, wisdom and provision once again. We are all quirky, varied in personality, our own mess, of sorts. Yet, a wholeness from belonging to each other.

All the devotions, all the cherishing of His word together, all the training is now reflected in their lives. I have watched my boys become strong, constant men, heroes in their generation--at least in the eyes of God, as they  choose to live faithfully in soul, steadfast in commitments, and heart integrity of life, seeking to grow, learn, and act in noble ways, even when others in their lives have not chosen the same path.

My girls are straining towards spiritual strength and wisdom and learning to give, to serve, to love well, while cherishing moral excellence, amidst a world that is dark and compromising. The seeds of faith planted have taken root and grown.

The battles rage. Yet, we have lived long enough to understand that there is an invisible power living in our home that keeps us, holds us, and companions us we we walk these roads with Him.

I am not diminishing the sadness, fear, anger or depression that comes with the trials of life. But, I have such peace in my heart, because these pathways are familiar, and we have learned to trust in the one who leads us beside still waters and restores our souls. We have learned to wait as see that, "I am young and now I am old, and I have never seen the righteous forsaken." David

Such is the incredible value of a godly home, where He restores our souls, provides our needs, keeps us safe, and gives us strength for each day.

Building home, family faith and strength takes years of walking together amidst the story God has chosen for us to live. But with each day, month, year, we are so deeply grateful that we do not live it alone, but we share the days in a mutual calling and a shared fellowship that will abide through all of our days.

Peace be yours today. The Lord is with us and with you. May He companion you in the midst of your days.

What Pours Out From the Depths of Your Heart? 24 Family Ways #7

Our 24 Family Ways #7

We encourage one another, using only words that build up and bless others.

Memory Verse Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

When you are taxed by your children, your friends, your husband, what flows out from the depths of your heart? Whatever you have cherished inside is what will flow out. When you are squeezed you will spill out what is in your heart. So it is essential to understand, what you are pouring in will surely spill out in your words, your eyes, your attitudes, your actions. Filling the inside of our souls with beauty, goodness, humility, faith and love of Christ must be intentional so that there will be substance of his life to spill over to others.

Proverbs warns us to guard our heart. "Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flow the well spring of life." Proverbs 4: 23

Jesus said that it is not the outside--the performance for others, the attempt to do righteous works, that determines what a man or woman is like. It is possible to fool others because of our behavior. But it is never possible to fool God. He sees what we are like on the inside,

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Heart cleaning leaves us empty for heart-filling. Pouring in is something I must do on a regular basis, so that my heart is light, pure, filled with joy and love. This does not just happen accidentally. And of course, eventually, all of our children sniff hypocrisy pretty quickly--and by the time they are teens, they are fully aware of what our heart is revealing through time.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." Matt. 23: 27

I have had a number of sweet women in my home the past several weeks. Usually, the questions flow, "What did you do to cultivate godliness in your children? Exactly what did your daily schedule look like? What books did you read to them? How did you deal with their bad attitudes?"

But the beginning point of a mama spreading inspiration and faith starts with her cultivating her own heart. If she is reading scripture, pondering the heart of Christ, worshipping him and following His ways, then her children will draw the love and sweetness of Christ from her every day.

If a mama is engaging her mind in great books and growing and learning new ideas and stretching her own intellect, then her children will also be drawing from the interesting thoughts in which she has invested her mind.

If a mama is developing her character and taking small steps to become more self-disciplined, more of a servant leader, more patient, more generous with life-giving words, because of her obedience to Christ, then her children's souls will be sprinkled with the strength of her obedience.

If she engages herself in meeting the needs of others and reaches out with the redeeming message of Christ, her children will learn not just to hear words of the gospel, but to learn what it looks like to live the gospel.

A mom is a mentor--a coach in all things excellent in life. If she is not growing in excellence, she cannot pass on to her children what she herself has.

Don't worry so much about the right rules, the best formula, what are the right books to buy. Be concerned instead, for your soul--what are you planting there? What are you watering in the depths of your heart attitudes? Whatever you water will grow. Nothing in your heart will be long hidden--as all things hidden eventually will come to the fore.

So the starting point of your influence is the state of your own heart, mind and soul. If there is purity, wisdom, strength, faith, love and righteousness there, then when you pour out your life, those around you will be blessed indeed.

No money, things, training and activities can replace the importance of Children finding the very essence of Christ spilling out in our lives, and in our words, from what we have carefully taken the time to place there inside.

Join me all summer as we study Our 24 Family Ways together. So glad you are here.

OWN YOUR WORDS! OWN YOUR LIFE! OWN YOUR LEGACY OF HEART.

OWN YOUR LIFE BOOK.

(THANKS FOR ALL THE LETTERS ABOUT OWN YOUR LIFE AND THE DISCUSSION OF THE 24 WAYS. I WILL HAVE A WEBCAST OR SERIES ON THIS SOON, MAYBE THE FALL, IF IT WORKS OUT. I WISH I COULD ANSWER ALL THE LETTERS, TRULY!  BUT AM SMACK DAB IN THE MIDST OF BEING PRESENT WITH MY SWEET FAMILY THIS SUMMER, BUT I SO APPRECIATE HEARING FROM YOU. IT BLESSES AND BLESSES MY HEART. GRACE AND PEACE TO YOUR DAYS. )

Serving Children, Adults, to Teach Them to Serve Way #6

Way # 6 of Our 24 Family Ways

"We serve one another, humbly thinking of the needs of others first."

Memory verse

"And whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all, 'For even as he son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many."

Mark 10:44o-45

The smell of coffee brewing, warm cinnamon bread coming out of the oven was one of the ways I would bribe my children to crawl out of bed on Sunday mornings early enough to get ready for church. Often, I would lay the Bible out by Clay's plate with a favorite verse I had been reading, in case he had not had enough time to pick a chapter out ahead of time.

Especially when my children grew older and activities, jobs and trips interrupted our previously predictable schedules that they had know as little children, I felt it important to gather all of us around the family table to invest once again in each other.  Sunday morning feasts were my way of gathering us every Sunday to catch up on all that was happening in our lives. Our church didn't start until 11, so we usually had plenty of time to eat a leisurely breakfast together.

From French toast to apple-pecan pancakes, scrambled cheese eggs to cinnamon rolls, breakfasts on this day were always a pleasure we enjoyed. A couple of months before now, after a very active, tiring, but fun week with Joy home from college, I planned to arise to make a fun breakfast before we took her to the airport to fly back to school.

Much to my surprise, when I came downstairs, the table was set, and a pot of fresh tea was steeping that she had made to bring up to me in bed, and French toast from my homemade bread was sizzling and browning on our electric skillet.

"I just wanted to serve everyone one last meal before I took off to tell them I loved them. This has been such a fun week at home, I wanted everyone to know how much I loved being here and spending special time together."

There is almost nothing that means more to me than someone else cooking for me and setting the table or washing the dishes! I was deeply grateful. Even more, though, it has been fun for me to see my children serve each other as a part of their own inner integrity--a grid that they have owned that they are people who God has called to serve, help and meet the needs of others. What a treat to be served by my own sweet Joy!

Serving has also opened up doors for ministry for me with women. To have someone serve you a cup of tea with candles lit and flowers in a vase opens hearts. I had 8 women over once a month for lunch at my house for a year. Now, we have been serving at my conferences all over the US and in our intensives together for almost 9 years. I serve them, we serve the Lord together.

Serving others helps children to learn how to think of someone other than themselves. Often, serving others softens their heart, comforts them in times of need, and obviously makes their loads in life easier. Serving is a skill and character quality that is so easy to spot because it is so rare in adults today.

Many moms say, "If someone would just take care of my children once in a while, I would be soooo grateful just to have a break."

How relieved many of us would have been if someone had just taken our children and engaged them in play for even one evening! What a service that would be to a weary mama.

If a child grows up serving, it will come as a more natural part of giving their whole lives day by day.

From making, " I love you," cards to plates of cookies for neighbors, cleaning a child's room, making a special sick tray when a child was in bed, serving meals at the homeless shelter, and so many more ways, helped our children to learn to give of their time and effort to ease someone else's life.

Occasionally grumbling, or dragging their feet accompanied the training exercise of serving others. None of us is naturally unselfish.  But often, it created a positive sense of self-worth in our children as adults would thank them or people would be pleased with their efforts.

I actually think that serving as a way of life at our many national parenting and mom's conferences over the years, in some ways tied my children's heart to Christ's heart of giving his own life, because all of the kids have verbalized how much of a role conferences have played in shaping their faith.

Jesus called his disciples to serve along beside him and in this practice, they began to perceive themselves as leaders.

This week, engage your family and even young children in thinking how they might help or serve someone in need. You will probably be surprised at how much they will enjoy being a part of something that makes them feel rather important. The earlier you start, the better, as it will become a part of the fabric of their lives!

Serve away!

Join me all summer long to study Our 24 Family Ways together!

A Surprise, a Whole Lot of Fun--and a Webinar w/ Me and Sarah Mae!

Bubbling over with a smile in my heart is how I feel when I get a certain call. When my phone rings, and I answer and start engaging actively in conversation, obviously having a great time and giggling, my children riding in the car with me say, "Oh, Mom, it's Sarah Mae, isn't it?"

Sarah Mae is such a kindred spirit of mine and truly a close friend. I love that God brought us together as friends and co-conspirators in projects and ideals. What a gift to have a friend who "gets" you.

Today Sarah Mae launched her website for her new book, Longing for Paris: One Woman's Search for Joy, Beauty, and Adventure...Right Where She Is, and when you pre-order a copy of the book, you get access to a webinar we're doing on longings and how we can fill our souls right where we are. 

Remember, the only way you can have access to the Webinar is to pre-order her new book. We all live between our ideals and dreams and the reality of every day. I know you will enjoy the webcast and love the book.

Go to Sarah Mae's blog to read all about it!

Have Your Own Retreat this Summer! I had mine: Mom Heart Intensive Reunion

A few years ago, I thought how much I needed to have friends and older moms to encourage me through the difficult times of my years in marriage, ministry and as a mother, but I was pretty alone most of the way. I imagined how I would like to bring women from all over the world into my home to inspire, serve, love, share in life together and then send them back out to do the same in their own cities. I put my plan to action and dream became reality.

Maybe you could have a mini-retreat this summer with your friends. (At a park, your home, a church, a cafe mini-retreat, a hotel lobby--just some time to get away and be with friends--intentionally!) Make a memory that feeds your soul.

I so love these precious ones. Our hearts have been knit together by our common love for God, Biblical ideals and commitment to making the effort to get together. Here is what my friends thought!

My friends were asking yesterday, "How was it?"  I didn't know what to say to sum in all up: encouraging, inspiring, relaxing, a lot to process.  Now I think the best word to describe the Intensive for me is RENEWED.  I have renewed enthusiasm to love God, live for His Kingdom, and serve others, in my family and my community.  Being reminded of my position in God's family and the call to be "all in" refreshed and revived my soul as much as the meals, hotel beds, and chocolate did my body, not to mention the relief of sweet fellowship with other like-minded women! -Heather Ashe, Pennsylvania

My leadership team who has been working with me for 8 years! Couldn't do without each other.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing”  1Thess. 5:11 This was a weekend of true encouragement, not the kind that says “work harder, do more, and feel guilty if you don’t” but also not the kind that says “take it easy, you’re doing better than most so pat yourself on the back and relax”.  Sally has a message of seeking a biblical balance, living a sustainable life of wholeheartedly pouring ourselves out in service to God and others, while seeking ways to refill our own souls.  I came home abundantly encouraged!- Audry Tyrrell

There is nothing quite so sweet as a table prepared, a friend ready to greet you and give a warm hug and hearts ready to be spilled over into your life and absorb yours as well. The Mom Heart Intensive met me with all of these things, and more: much needed refreshment and incomparable nurture, challenging teaching and time to steal away with Jesus and re-commit my life to all he has called me to. I am so thankful and forever changed." -Kristen Kill, www.hopewithfeathers.com, New York City

We cook, decorate, plan, pray and work hard to make it a weekend to serve these sweet ones.

"This past weekend was amazing.  I experienced so many things.  One of my fears was taken away as it was my first time to Pray out loud in a small group.  I always have prayers for others but let the fair take over me, so I couldn't say the words out loud.  God filled me with GRACE.  As we prayed over one another the tears just came knowing everything that each one of us are going through.  Not all tears were from sadness they were from the words I was hearing each one of us speak over the other.  It was amazing.The time listening to Sally speak, her stories, wisdom, prayers, comforting words, and sharing was truly amazing.  It was words I needed to hear, prayers I needed, wisdom I needed, and words to comfort me.  The work she has done is amazing and I hope other mom's will find her like I have.  I am ready to share with so many others as I know we all can use encouragement. I know so many women who are broken.  I want to reach out and not let any fair hold me back." - Kathy Hahn, Indiana

Meals together for the best conversation and fun and a gift at every meal.

Unity & grace. These are words that come to the forefront of my mind when I reflect on the weekend I was privileged to be a part of at the Mom Heart Intensive. From the deepest part of my heart, I have never in my life experienced the kind of rich unity that I felt at the Mom Heart Intensive. Very quickly I learned that, though I had never met most of the women prior to the retreat, these truly are “my people.” There is something so intensely moving to sit and be trained by sweet Sally among women who share the same vision and conviction for embracing motherhood, raising their children with love & purpose, leaving a gospel legacy, saturating our families with grace, and taking that message to women around the world. My life was changed by this experience.  - Jessica Fordice, Beaverton, OR

"Sally Clarkson's Mom Heart Intensive 2015 was a time of refreshing, refueling, and renewing my focus in God's purpose for our family. I will forever be grateful for Sally's hospitality, love for mothers, and generous outpouring of wisdom. Her God-given message has been used by God to transform how I view my role as a wife/mother. Her grace-filled words have challenged me this weekend to look at the land God's given me and ask the question, "how can I bring beauty, truth, and goodness into my life?" If you've never attended one of Sally's Intensive, make it a point to get to the next one. How you view life will forever be impacted by her kingdom message!" -Darlene Collazo, Penn.

This weekend, I was in the presence of like-minded women who love the Lord and

are searching for His beauty in their lives. Sally Clarkson willingly poured her heart and

soul into each of us, giving us the opportunity to breathe deeply of God's goodness.

We were able to reflect on what God would have each of us to do in our mom hearts to disciple this generation. I came away rested and restored in Christ ready to serve Him, my family, and my community of moms. -Tami Cooke, Texas

"Spending several days with inspiring faithful women brought deep joy to my soul.  I am full of gratitude for the time these precious Mom Heart Leader moms spent sharing with me, encouraging, praying, dreaming, and challenging me.  Staying connected in community with other mothers is so important in our ministry as moms.  It is so much more than a coffee break with friends.  These moms see their lives as a ministry, a pouring out of all that God has placed in their heart.  If you are feeling alone or isolated in your life as a mom, I encourage you to look for a Mom Heart group in your area.  You can find and connect with groups through the Mom Heart facebook page or momheart.com .  If you don’t see a group in your area, pray about starting one and begin readingTaking Motherhood to Hearts." -Gretchen Roberts, North Carolina

Loving Hands, Flaming Hearts, Glowing Spirits and Tender Smiles filled the faces of the mamas assembled last week in Monument, Co.  How tender it was to be together, learning to grow as women and leaders for Jesus in the company of such kindred spirits.  During our days together we recalled the Old Days when we first met and relished in how far the Lord had brought us through the ensuring years.  I'm so very grateful that we met for our reunion.  I've come away inspired and ready to serve my Mom Heart mamas here with abandon.  To God be the Glory for such a 4 days of Feasting, Loving, Talking, Praying and Sharing that we had! -Kelli Coombs, Virginia

"Sally Clarkson weaves intentional discipleship with lavish hospitality and girl time - all in an atmosphere of love and acceptance - like a mother. When I leave our intense time together I want to be better, more purposeful, and a life-giver in my home - to ones I love the most. My mind is brimming with ideas of how to pour out to those around me - especially moms, like me. Proverbs 11:25 “She who refreshes others will herself be refreshed.” -Debi Chapman www.debichapman.com, Texas

Women from Canada, Mexico and all over the US came together to make this an amazing weekend I will remember for a long time. Even a mini-Saturday morning retreat, gathering like-minded women together is a great idea for this summer. How 'bout at your house?! So much fun.......too little time. I am hoping we can do another in the future. Stay tuned here and if we do another you can find out when and where.